Message-ID: <21830asstr$945288602@assm.asstr-mirror.org> From: michaeld38@aol.comnospam (MichaelD38) Subject: {ASSM} {FantasyTrain} A Tempestuous Ride {MichaelD}(2/2) X-Original-Message-ID: <19991215131019.02939.00001058@ng-cj1.aol.com> Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 15:10:02 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: Lambchop, dennyw SCENE II Another part of the office. [Enter FAST SHOW with a case of floppy disks. A noise of thunder heard] FAST SHOW All the spammers the net sucks up from bogs, fens, flats, on Michael fall and make him by inch-meal a disease! [Enter ANTAEUS] Lo, now, lo! Here comes a spirit of his, and to torment me. I'll fall flat; perchance he will not mind me. ANTAEUS What have we here? A man or a troll? Dead or alive? A troll; he smells like one, a very ancient and troll-like smell. A strange troll! Were I in ASSD now, as once I was, and had but this troll, there would be my fortune. For though they give short shrift to serious talk, the trolls do bring them forth. [Thunder] Alas, the storm is come again! Let me creep under his crate. There is no other shelter hereabouts, and the net acquaints a man with strange bed-fellows. [Enter NICK, singing, a bottle in his hand] NICK I shall no more log on, log on, here shall I die alone-- This is a very scurvy tune to sing at a man's funeral. Well, here's my comfort. [Drinks] [Sings drunkenly] The webmaster, the spammer, the lurker, and I, The author and his fan Loved Deja, and Yahoo, and AOL, But none of us cared for Anne. For she had a tongue with a tang, Would cry to an author, Go hang! She loved not the appearance of font nor its pitch, Yet a troll might scratch her where'er she did bitch. To the net, boys, and let her go hang! This is a scurvy tune too, but here's my comfort. [Drinks] FAST SHOW Do not torment me, Oh! NICK What's the matter? Have we trolls here? I have not 'scaped death to be now afraid of your posts. FAST SHOW The spirit torments me, Oh! NICK This is some monster with four legs. If I can recover him and get to ASSD with him, he's a present for any author that ever trod the net. FAST SHOW Do not torment me, prithee; I'll bring my disks home faster. NICK He's in his fit now and does not talk after the wisest. He shall taste of my bottle. ANTAEUS I know that voice! It should be--but he is drowned, and these are devils. O defend me! NICK Four legs and two voices--a most devious troll! Come, out from thy false nym! I will pour some in thy other mouth. ANTAEUS Nick! NICK Doth thy other nym call me? Mercy, mercy! ANTAEUS Nick! If thou beest Nick, touch me and speak to me, for I am Antaeus--be not afeard--thy good friend Antaeus. NICK If thou beest Antaeus, come forth. I'll pull thee by the lesser legs. ANTAEUS I took him to be killed with a thunder-stroke. But art thou not dead, Nick? FAST SHOW [Aside] These be fine things, and if they be not sprites. That's a brave god and bears celestial liquor. I will kneel to him. Hast thou not dropp'd from the net? NICK Out o' the 'groups, I do assure thee. I was there when time was new. FAST SHOW I have seen thee there and I do adore thee. My mistress showed me thy posts and thy text. NICK Come, swear to that; kiss the disks. I will fill them with new porn. ANTAEUS By this good light, this is a very shallow troll! A most poor credulous troll! FAST SHOW I'll show thee every inch of the office, and I will kiss thy foot. ANTAEUS By this light, a most perfidious and drunken troll! FAST SHOW I'll kiss thy foot; I'll swear myself thy subject. NICK Come on then; down, and swear. ANTAEUS I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed troll. A most scurvy troll! I could find in my heart to beat him were he not already killfiled. FAST SHOW I'll show thee the best servers. A plague upon the tyrant that I serve! I'll bear him no more disks, but follow thee, thou wondrous man. ANTAEUS A most ridiculous troll, to make a wonder of a poor drunkard! NICK I prithee now, lead the way without any more talking. Antaeus, the king and all our company else being drowned, we will inherit here. FAST SHOW [Sings] Farewell master, farewell, farewell! ANTAEUS A howling troll, a drunken troll! NICK O brave troll! Lead the way. [Exeunt] ACT III SCENE I Before MICHAELD's Office. [Enter KATIE MCN, bearing a keyboard] KATIE MCN What busywork! I wouldst smack that het boy upside his head were it not for thoughts of his daughter; this task is borne easier thereby. He has none of her sweetness. [Enter KIVI; and MICHAELD at a distance, unseen] KIVI Alas, now, pray you, work not so hard. My father is hard at writing of the two of us. He's gone for these three hours. KATIE MCN O most dear mistress, the sun will set before I shall discharge what I must strive to do. KIVI If you'll sit down, I'll bear your 'boards the while. Pray, give me that. KATIE MCN No, precious creature; I had rather break my back than you should such dishonor undergo. MICHAELD Ha! They are both entranced! I'll sit here and observe. This has ff, voy, penned all about it. Alas! Had I my video-cam, I could then add nc, humil, and make this nearer Katie's tastes. KIVI You look weary. KATIE MCN No, noble mistress, 'tis fresh morning with me when you are by at night. I do beseech you--chiefly that I might set it in my tales--what is your name? KIVI Kivi--O my father, I have broke your hest to say so! KATIE MCN Admired Kivi! Indeed the top of admiration! Full many a Lady I have eyed with best regard but you, O you, so perfect and so peerless, are created of every creature's best! KIVI I do not know one of my sex; no woman's face remember, save, from my glass, mine own, but, by my modesty, I would not wish any companion in the world but you. KATIE MCN I am in my condition a princess, Kivi, and, I do think, a Queen. The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service. KIVI Do you love me? KATIE MCN O heaven, O earth, bear witness to this sound. Beyond all limit of what else in the world I do love, I prize and honor you. KIVI I am a fool to weep at what I am glad of. MICHAELD Fair encounter of two most rare affections! This will give me stuff to pen for months! Court on, my muses! KATIE MCN Wherefore weep you? KIVI At mine unworthiness that dare not offer what I desire to give, but I'll be your servant, whether you will or no. KATIE MCN My mistress, dearest, and I thus humble ever. KIVI My lover, then? KATIE MCN Aye, with a heart as willing of bondage as ever of freedom, for I favor the noble nc, humil; aye, here's my hand. KIVI And mine, with my heart in't; and now farewell till half an hour hence. KATIE MCN A thousand thousand! [Exeunt KATIE MCN and KIVI severally] MICHAELD So glad of this as they I cannot be. I'll to my 'puter, for yet ere supper-time must I perform much scribbling. [Exit] SCENE II Another part of the island. [Enter FAST SHOW, NICK, and ANTAEUS] NICK Speak no more. When the flames are done, we will rest, not before. Bear up, servant troll, post to me. ANTAEUS Servant-troll! The folly of this office! He says there's but five within, we are three. If the other two doth flame like us, the state totters. NICK Troll, servant-monster, when I bid thee, thy posts are almost set in thy head. ANTAEUS Where should they be set else? He were a brave monster indeed, if they were set in his tail. NICK We'll not run, Monsieur Troll. ANTAEUS Nor go neither; but you'll lie like dogs and yet say nothing. NICK Troll, speak once in thy life, if thou beest a good troll. FAST SHOW How does thy honor? I'll not serve him. ANTAEUS Thou liest, most ignorant troll. Wilt thou tell a monstrous lie, being but half a troll and half a flamer? FAST SHOW Lo, how he mocks me! Wilt thou let him, my lord? ANTAEUS 'Lord' quoth he! That a troll should be such a natural! FAST SHOW Lo, lo, again! Flame him to death, I prithee. NICK Antaeus, keep a good tongue in your head. If you prove a mutineer--the next thread! The poor troll's my subject and he shall not suffer indignity. FAST SHOW I thank my noble lord. Wilt thou be pleased to hearken once again to the suit I made to thee? NICK Marry, kneel and repeat it; I will stand, and so shall Antaeus. [Enter LISALA, invisible] FAST SHOW As I told thee before, I am subject to a tyrant, an author, that by his cunning hath cheated me of the net. LISALA Thou liest. FAST SHOW Thou liest, thou jesting monkey! I would my valiant master would destroy thee! I do not lie. NICK Antaeus, if you flame him any more in this tale, by this post, I will supplant some of your teeth. ANTAEUS Why, I said nothing. NICK Mum, then, and no more. Proceed. FAST SHOW I say, by sorcery he got this office; from me he got it. If thy greatness will revenge it on him--for I know thou darest, but I dare not-- NICK That's most certain. FAST SHOW Thou shalt be moderator of it, and I'll serve thee. NICK How now shall this be compassed? Canst thou bring me to the 'group? FAST SHOW Yea, yea, my lord, I'll lead thee to him asleep, where thou may plug a virus into his archive. LISALA Thou liest; thou canst not; he serves not wintel. FAST SHOW What a ninny is this! Thou scurvy patch! I do beseech thy greatness, give him blows NICK Antaeus, hold thy keys. Interrupt the troll one word further, and by this post, I'll turn my mercy out of doors and make a lurker of thee. ANTAEUS Why, what did I? I did nothing. I'll go farther off. NICK Didst thou not say he lied? LISALA Thou liest. NICK Do I so? Take thou that. [Flames ANTAEUS] As you like this, give me the lie another time. ANTAEUS I did not give the lie. Out o' your wits and bearing too? A pox on your 'board! The devil take your fingers! FAST SHOW Ha, ha, ha! NICK Forward with your tale. Antaeus, prithee, stand farther off. FAST SHOW Flame him again, after a little time I'll flame him too. NICK Stand farther. Come, proceed. FAST SHOW Why, as I told thee, 'tis a custom with Michael in the afternoon to pen. There thou mayst flame him, having first seized his stories, or with a virus batter his disk. First to possess his 'puter, for without it he's but a sot. NICK Troll, I will flame this man. His daughter and I will be king and queen--save our graces!--and Antaeus and thyself shall be viceroys. Dost thou like the plot, Antaeus? ANTAEUS Excellent. NICK Give me thy hand. I am sorry I flamed thee, but, while thou livest, keep a civil post in thy head. FAST SHOW Ere half hour will he be apen, wilt thou close to flame him then? NICK Aye, on mine honor. LISALA This will I tell Michael. NICK This will prove a brave 'group to me, where I shall have my access for nothing. FAST SHOW When MichaelD is destroyed. NICK That shall be by and by, I remember the story. Lead, troll; we'll follow. ANTAEUS Wilt come? I'll follow, Nick. [Exeunt] SCENE III Another part of the island. [Enter UTHER, JANEY, RICHARD, BRONWEN, SHON, MALINOV, and others] BRONWEN I can go no further, sir; my bones ache. UTHER Lady, I cannot blame thee, I am myself attached with weariness, to the dulling of my prose. Sit and rest. Even here I will put off my hope. Katie is dead. RICHARD [Aside to JANEY] He's out of hope. Do not forego the purpose you resolved to effect. JANEY [Aside to RICHARD] The next advantage will we take thoroughly. [Solemn and strange music] UTHER What harmony is this? My good friends, hark! BRONWEN Marvelous sweet music! [Enter MICHAELD above, invisible. Enter several strange Shapes, bringing a flood of posts; they dance about with gentle actions, inviting the King, &c. to read, they depart] UTHER Give us kind keepers, heavens! What were these? JANEY Lurkers and 'phemeral creatures of the net. BRONWEN If in ASSD I should repost this now, would they believe me? MICHAELD [Aside] Honest lady, thou hast said well; for some of you there present are worse than trolls. SHON They vanish'd strangely. JANEY No matter, they have left their posts behind, and we have newsreaders. Will it please you to read of what is here? UTHER Not I. [Thunder and lightning. Enter LISALA, like a troll; claps her wings upon the screen, and the posts vanish.] LISALA Ha! Remember, Richard, for that's my business to you--that you from Mf did supplant good MichaelD; and drove from the net, which hath blessed it, him and his innocent child, for which foul deed the powers, delaying, not forgetting, have incensed the skies against your peace. [She vanishes in thunder; then, to soft music enter the Shapes again, and dance, with mocks and bows, and carrying out the posts] MICHAELD Bravely the figure of this troll hast thou perform'd, Lisala; a grace it had, devouring. In these fits I leave them, while I visit young Katie, whom they suppose is dead, and her and mine loved darling. [Exit above] BRONWEN In the name of something holy, sir, why stand you in this strange stare? UTHER O, it is monstrous, monstrous. Methought the billows spoke and told me of it, pronounced the name of MichaelD. And thus my daughter in the mud is bedded. [Exit] RICHARD But one fiend at a time, I'll fight their legions over. JANEY I'll be thy second. [Exeunt RICHARD, and JANEY] BRONWEN He is desperate. His great guilt, like poison given to work a great time after, now begins to bite the spirits. I do beseech you, follow them swiftly and hinder them from what this ecstasy may now provoke them to. SHON Follow, I pray you. [Exeunt] ACT IV SCENE I Before MICHAELD's Office. [Enter MICHAELD and LISALA] LISALA What would you? Here I am. MICHAELD Thou and thy meaner fellows your last service did worthily perform. I must use you in such another trick. Go bring the rabble, over whom I give thee power, here to this place. LISALA Presently? MICHAELD Ay, with a twink. LISALA Well, I conceive. MICHAELD Now does my project gather to a head. My plots crack not; my prose obeys; and time goes upright with his carriage. How's the day? LISALA On the sixth hour, at which time you said our work should cease. MICHAELD I did so say, when first I raised the tempest. How fares the king and his followers? LISALA Confused and confined together in the same fashion as you left them; all prisoners of spam. If you now beheld them, your affections would become tender. MICHAELD Dost thou think so, spirit? LISALA Mine would, were I human. MICHAELD And mine shall. Though with Richard's high wrongs I am struck to the quick, yet with my reason against my fury do I take part: the rarer action is in virtue than in vengeance. Go release them, Lisala. My charms I'll break, their senses I'll restore, and they shall be themselves. LISALA I'll fetch them. [Exits] MICHAELD You readers of porn, short and long, web pages and sites, you that on the net with traceless nyms do chase the ebbing Eros and do spank him when he comes, you sock-puppets that by theft do the nameless stories post, whereof the author is not aware, and you whose pastime is to make midnight trolls, that rejoice to hear the solemn "You've got mail," I have deceived. This rough porn I here abjure, and, when I have required some heavenly prose, which even now I do, to work mine end upon their senses that this airy tale is for, I'll break my pen, bury it certain fathoms in the earth, and deeper than did ever plummet sound, I'll drown my disks. [Solemn music] [Re-enter LISALA before, then UTHER, with a frantic gesture, attended by BRONWEN; JANEY and RICHARD in like manner, attended by SHON and MALINOV they all enter the circle which MICHAELD had made, and there stand charmed] BRONWEN All torment, trouble, wonder, and amazement inhabits here. Some heavenly power guide us out of this fearful office! MICHAELD Behold, sir king, the wronged Duke of Mf, MichaelD. And to thee and thy company I bid a hearty welcome. UTHER Thou pardon me my wrongs. But how should MichaelD be living and be here? BRONWEN Whether this be or be not, I'll not swear. MICHAELD You do yet taste some subtleties of the net, that will not let you believe things certain. Welcome, my friends all! [Aside to RICHARD] But you, were I so minded, I here could drop thy reader's frowns upon thee. Let them hearken to this tale; 'tis more than it appears. RICHARD [Aside] The devil speaks in him. MICHAELD No, for you, most wicked sir, whom to call brother would even infect my system, I do forgive thy rankest fault, for in my absence, cheerleaders have begun to infect the 'group. I require my old stories of thee, which perforce, I know, thou must restore. UTHER If thou be'st MichaelD, give us particulars of thy preservation. How thou hast met us here, who three hours since were wrecked upon this nest, where I have lost my dear Katie? MICHAELD In equal spirits, for I have lost my daughter too. UTHER A daughter? O heavens, that they were living both in ASSD. How did you lose your daughter? MICHAELD In this last tempest. I perceive readers at this tale do so much admire that they devour their reason, and scarce think their eyes offices of truth; let them look beyond the pixels. Howsoever you have been jostled from your senses, know for certain that I am MichaelD and more, that very duke which was thrust forth from Mf. Though I, most strangely upon this office, where you were wrecked, was landed, to be the lord on it, I never truly left the 'group. Yon Richard was not who he seemed. And thus have I my dukedom seized again, I will requite you with as good a thing, and bring forth a wonder, to content ye as much. [Here MICHAELD reveals KATIE MCN and KIVI in bed] KIVI Sweet lady, you play me false with me. KATIE MCN No, my dearest love, I would not for the world. KIVI Yes, for a score of strap-ons you should wrangle, and I would call it fair play. UTHER If this prove a vision of the office, one dear daughter shall I twice lose. JANEY A most high miracle! KATIE MCN Though the skies threaten, they are merciful; I have cursed them without cause. [Kneels] UTHER Now all the blessings of a glad father compass thee about! Arise, and say how thou camest here. KIVI O, wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! O brave newsgroup, that has such people in it! MICHAELD 'Tis news to thee; 'tis porn to others. UTHER What is this maid with whom thou wast abed? Your eldest acquaintance cannot be three hours; is she the goddess that hath severed us, and brought us thus together? KATIE MCN Sir, she is mortal, but by immortal Providence she's mine. She is daughter to this famous Duke of Mf. UTHER [To KATIE MCN and KIVI] Give me your hands. Let grief and sorrow still embrace his heart that doth not wish you joy! BRONWEN Be it so! Amen! [Re-enter LISALA, with LOUIE and Leprechauns amazedly following] O, look, sir, look, sir! Here is more of us. What is the news? LOUIE The news is that we have safely found our king and company; the next, our train, which, but three glasses since, we gave out crashed, is fit and upright as when we first set out. LISALA [Aside to MICHAELD] Sir, all this service have I done since I went. MICHAELD [Aside to LISALA] My tricksy spirit! UTHER This is as strange a tale as ever men heard. MICHAELD [Aside to LISALA] Come hither, spirit, set Fast Show and his companions free; untie the spell. [Exit LISALA] How fares my gracious sir? There are yet missing of your company some few odd lads that you remember not. [Re-enter LISALA, driving in FAST SHOW, NICK and ANTAEUS] NICK Every man post for all the rest, and let no man flame himself; for all is but fortune. ANTAEUS If these be true eyes which I wear in my head, here's a goodly sight. FAST SHOW O Gates, these be brave spirits indeed! How fine my master is! I am afraid he will chastise me. JANEY Ha, ha! What things are these, my lord Richard? Will money buy 'em? RICHARD Very like; one of them is a plain troll, and, no doubt marketable. MICHAELD This mis-shapen troll, his mother was a witch, and one so strong that her flames could control the sun. These three have plotted to take my life. Two of these fellows you must know and own; this thing of darkness! Acknowledge mine. FAST SHOW I shall be flamed to death. UTHER Is not this Nick, my drunken butler? JANEY He is drunk now. Where had he wine? UTHER And Antaeus is reeling ripe. Where should they find this grand liquor that hath gilded 'em? ANTAEUS I have been in such a pickle since I saw you last that, I fear me, will never out of my bones. I shall not fear fly- blowing. JANEY Why, how now, Nick! NICK O, touch me not; I am not Nick, but a cramp. UTHER [Pointing to FAST SHOW] This is a strange thing as e'er I look'd on. MICHAELD He is as disproportion'd in his manners as in his posts. FAST SHOW Ay, that I will; and I'll be wise hereafter and seek for grace. MICHAELD Go to, away! UTHER Hence, and bestow your posts where you found them. [Exeunt FAST SHOW, NICK, and ANTAEUS] MICHAELD Sir, I invite your highness and your train to my poor office, where you shall take your rest for this one night. UTHER I long to hear the story of your life, which must take the ear strangely. MICHAELD I'll deliver all, and promise you calm skies, auspicious winds, and expeditious rail that shall bear your royal train far off. Then to my Mf, I shall retire, where my third thought shall be my tales. [Aside to LISALA] Lisala, that is thy charge, then to the elements be free, and fare thou well! [Exeunt] EPILOGUE SPOKEN BY MICHAELD Now my masks are all o'erthrown, and what stories I have are mine own, which is most faint. Now, 'tis true, I must be here indulged by you, or sent from ASS. Will you not, since I Richard's author-ship have got, pardon the deceiver? I dwell in this fine 'group by your spell; gentle posts of yours my sails must fill, or else my project fails, which was to please. Now I want tales to enforce, art to enchant, and my ending is despair, unless I be relieved by prayer, which pierces so that it assaults Mercy itself and frees all faults. As you from crimes would pardon'd be, Let your indulgence set me free. * * * Michael ~Story Archives at Stories Online: www.storiesonline.net~ -- If you enjoyed this work, take a moment to email the author. Your comments are their only payment. Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | ASSM Archive site +-----------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | | --- | +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | This newsgroup is moderated by ASSTR, an entity supported by donations. | | If you enjoy this newsgroup, please consider making a donation to help | | Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository keep providing this free service for you.| | Donations: | \_________________________________________________________________________/