Message-ID: <21829asstr$945288601@assm.asstr-mirror.org> From: michaeld38@aol.comnospam (MichaelD38) Subject: {ASSM} {FantasyTrain} A Tempestuous Ride {MichaelD}(1/2) X-Original-Message-ID: <19991215131011.02939.00001057@ng-cj1.aol.com> Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 15:10:01 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: Lambchop, dennyw IMPORTANT LEGAL INFORMATION If you have received this work in your e-mail box and do not know why, it is because your Internet service provider is forwarding posts from Usenet newsgroups to your account. It has *NOT* been e-mailed to you by the author. You must contact your ISP for help. This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons is unintentional and strictly coincidental (snicker). This work is Copyright 1999 by MichaelD38@aol.com and is protected by United States and other international copyright law. Reposting and archiving is permitted, except where a fee of any sort is required or earned for access, provided this disclaimer and note remain attached to the story. All other rights, specifically rights of commercial use, are reserved. Commercial use here is defined to include posting on membership web sites, banner-funded web sites, and those protected by fee-based age validation methods (such as Adultcheck and Adultsights). However, exception is specifically made for web sites (such as DejaNews) that provide archiving and access to all Usenet posts in a particular group without editing or selection for content. No modifications may be made to this story (except those necessary for normal newsgroup dissemination) without express permission from the author. Any questions regarding use of this work can be directed to the address above. Failure to contact the author prior to use is presumptive evidence of bad faith and may expose you to significant criminal and civil liability. AUTHOR'S NOTE This is an adaptation of William Shakespeare's play "The Tempest" for the Fantasy Train project. A familiarity with that work, though not a prerequisite, will make this one more enjoyable. I have been presumptuous enough to cast myself in the role of Prospero, and other notables of ASSD, past and present, in the other roles. I present this with profound apologies to Shakespeare (for obvious reasons) and my colleagues in ASS* (for reasons shortly to become obvious). Thanks also to Richard Bissell for allowing me to cast him as the villain in this piece (he knows why, and so will you if you pay attention). Thanks also to Lisala for assistance and proofreading. A TEMPESTUOUS RIDE Copyright 1999 by MichaelD38@aol.com, adapted from "The Tempest," by William Shakespeare. Dramatis Personae UTHER King of ASSD. JANEY his sister. MICHAELD the right Duke of Mf. RICHARD his brother, the usurping Duke of Mf. KATIE MCN daughter to the King of ASSD. BRONWEN an honest Counselor. MALINOV | | Lords. SHON | FAST SHOW a savage and deformed Troll. ANTAEUS a Jester. NICK a drunken Butler. LOUIE Master of a Train. Leprechauns. (Leprechauns) KIVI daughter to MichaelD. LISALA an airy Spirit. SCENE: A train; an office. ACT I SCENE I On a train at night: a tempestuous noise of thunder and lightning is heard. [Enter LOUIE and a Leprechaun, rapidly] LOUIE Sprite! Leprechaun Here, master, how do we fare? LOUIE Get the others, now, or we run off the tracks! Go! Go! [Exit Leprechaun] [Enter Leprechauns] LOUIE Ho, fools! Fire the engine. Tend to my whistle. Shovel, shovel, till you burst the boiler! [Leprechauns frantically shovel coal into the burner] [Enter UTHER, JANEY, RICHARD, KATIE MCN, BRONWEN, and others] UTHER Good Louie, have a care. Where are we? LOUIE Get out of my engine! Get! RICHARD Where are we, Louie? LOUIE Do you not see? You are in our way. Keep to the cars; you do assist this storm. BRONWEN Louie, prithee, be still. LOUIE When the sky is. Out! What cares this storm for the names of these authors? To the cars! Silence! Trouble us not. BRONWEN Remember who you have aboard. LOUIE None that I more love than myself. You are an author, if you can pen these elements to silence, and steady the train, do so! If not, get out of my engine and prepare yourselves for the crash, if it happens. Out! Out, I say! [Exeunt] [Re-enter LOUIE, rapidly] LOUIE More coal! Shovel, you dogs! [A cry from the cars] Damn them all for that noise! They are louder than storm or engine! [Re-enter JANEY, RICHARD, and BRONWEN] Again! Get out! Do you want me to crash this train? JANEY I've had it with you! LOUIE Guide the train yourself, then! RICHARD Insolent wretch! We are less afraid to die than you. BRONWEN I'll strangle him myself before the train kills him. LOUIE Shovel! More coal, I say! [Enter Leprechauns, wet] Leprechauns All lost! To prayers, to prayers! All lost! BRONWEN The others are back in the cars trying to steady the train; let's join them. JANEY I'm out of patience with that fool. RICHARD These leprechauns will be the death of us. [A confused noise within: "Mercy on us!" "We crash, we crash!" "Farewell, my wife and children!" "Farewell, brother!" "We crash, we crash, we crash!"] RICHARD If we are to die, let us die with the others. JANEY Let's go. [Exeunt RICHARD and JANEY] BRONWEN I would give a thousand miles of track for an acre of still ground. The wills above be done! But I would rather die a dry death. [Exeunt] SCENE II The office. Before MICHAELD's desk. [Enter MICHAELD and KIVI] KIVI Michael, if you did this, please make it stop. I saw the crash; I heard the cries. My heart breaks to know what we have lost. MICHAELD Be still, there's no harm done. KIVI O, woe the day! MICHAELD No one was harmed, my daughter, but you are ignorant of who you are and what I was. I was more than the master of this poor office. KIVI I would rather know that you have not been messing with my head. MICHAELD I have, in truth, with you and others. The time has come to explain; sit. [KIVI sits before MICHAELD's computer] What you saw was not what you think. The wreck was virtual, no one was harmed. I am not so evil as that. 'Twas a tempest in a depot. Let me explain. KIVI You have begun this story often, but never finished. MICHAELD The time has come; listen. Do you remember a time before we came to this office? I do not think you can, for then you did but lurk. KIVI Oh, but I can. MICHAELD How? Did you hide behind another nym? KIVI It is far off and rather like a dream. Did I not once make four or five posts in ASSD? MICHAELD That and more, Kivi. What else do you remember? KIVI I do not. MICHAELD Some years ago, Kivi, thy father was a "star" of the newsgroups, an author of some renown. KIVI Sir, are not you my father? MICHAELD Nay, I am. KIVI O the heavens! What foul play had we, that we came from there? Or blessed was it we did? MICHAELD Nay, listen. Once I was a most prolific scrivener; I penned one tale after another. I was a master of the teen drama, tales of younger women and older men. Are you listening? KIVI Sir, most heedfully. MICHAELD One day, the inspiration faded, and likewise I did fade from the newsgroups. I called it retirement, and so it was, for the wellspring my prose had indeed retired from the scene. Are you listening? KIVI Your tale, sir, would cure deafness. MICHAELD I held onto naught but my memories and my stories, thinking those enough. I retired to this office and watched as my star did fade. For upon the 'group came one to usurp my role. KIVI You speak of Richard of Bissell. MICHAELD Nay! Speak of him not! For he pens what I once did; my acclaim, such as it was, pales before his renown. And the others in the group welcome him where I once was, though they see naught beyond his masks. KIVI But you remain here; why? MICHAELD By Providence divine. Some notice I still draw. A noble Neapolitan, Janey, out of her charity, didst invite me to participate in the return of ASSM. But it drew naught response; my star has faded. I have but my stories, from mine own library, which I prize above my fame. KIVI Would I might but see that woman! MICHAELD Now arise. [KIVI stands, MICHAELD sits at his computer] Be still, and hear the last of my tale. KIVI And I pray you, sir, still the beating of my heart. Why did you crash the Fantasy Train? MICHAELD By accident most strange, by bountiful Fortune, hath the denizens of ASSD drawn near, and that perchance I might confront the usurper and reclaim my renown. Enough questions, sleep. [KIVI lays on the floor and sleeps] Come away, come. I am ready now. Approach, Lisala. [Enter LISALA] MICHAELD Hast thou, spirit, derailed the train as I bade thee? LISALA Indeed I have; I have corrupted their .html and sent viruses throughout their disks, for near one and all, they trust the cursed Wintel. Naught but one employ the fair Mac; thus was my task eased. MICHAELD My brave spirit! Were they all fooled? LISALA Aye, one and all they jumped the train; all but the leprechauns quit the carriage; the king's daughter, Katie, was the first. MICHAELD Bravo! All this was close to here? LISALA Close by, indeed. MICHAELD Are they safe? LISALA Not a hair mussed nor a mark on their clothes, as you instructed. The leprechauns I dispersed about the building. The king's daughter have I landed by herself in a nearby cubicle. MICHAELD Lisala, you have done as I asked, but there's more work. What is time is it? LISALA Past noon. What more I must do? MICHAELD What's the matter? What is it you desire? LISALA My liberty. MICHAELD Before the time be out? No more! LISALA I prithee, remember I have done thee worthy service. MICHAELD Do you forget what a torment I did free thee from? LISALA No. MICHAELD You do, and you think it much to tread the ooze of the newsgroups deep. Hast thou forgot the foul witch Miss Anne Thrope? LISALA No. MICHAELD Oft she did plague the 'groups, 'til I and others drove her out. Yet she was soon replaced by another. LISALA Yes, Fast Show, her son. MICHAELD Dull thing, I say, that now I keep in service. LISALA Yet she was but half a troll, no more, that bore that one full-blooded. MICHAELD Aye, I'll grant you that; no troll, but mayhap a trull. LISALA What shall I do? MICHAELD Go make thyself like a daemon o' the UNIX, invisible to every eye but mine. Go, hence with diligence! [Exit LISALA] Awake, awake! Thou hast slept well! KIVI The strangeness of your story put heaviness in me. MICHAELD Shake it off. Come on; we'll visit Fast Show, who never yields us kind answer. KIVI He is a villain, sir, I do not love to look on. MICHAELD What, ho! Fast Show! Thou earth, thou! Speak. FAST SHOW [Within] There's trolls enough within. MICHAELD Come forth, I say! There's other business for thee. [Re-enter LISALA like a UNIX-daemon] Fine apparition! My quaint Lisala, hark in thine ear. LISALA It shall be done. [Exit] MICHAELD Thou poisonous slave, got by the devil himself upon thy wicked dam, come forth! [Enter FAST SHOW] FAST SHOW A pox on you. All the flames of Miss Anne Thrope, toads, beetles, bats, light on you! For I am all the subjects that you have, where first I was king. Now here you hide me in this hard cubicle and keep from me the rest of the net. MICHAELD Thou most lying troll, whom stripes may move, not kindness! I have used thee, filth as thou art, with human care, and lodged thee in mine own office, till thou didst seek to violate the honor of my child. FAST SHOW O ho, O ho! Would it had been done! Thou didst prevent me; else I would have peopled this office with trolls. MICHAELD Hag-seed, hence! Fetch us disks, and be quick. [Exit FAST SHOW] [Re-enter LISALA, invisible, playing and singing; KATIE MCN following] KATIE MCN What is this music? Surely it waits upon someone else. I heard it sitting by the tracks and mourning the king my father's wreck, thence I have followed it, or it has drawn me here. It begins again. LISALA [singing] Full fathom five thy father lies; Of his teeth are keyboards made; Those are 'cams that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a C:\-change Into something rich and strange, Bill Gates hourly brings wintel Hark! Now I hear them--ding.wav, bell. KATIE MCN The ditty does remember my dead father. This is no mortal business, nor no sound that the earth owes. I hear it now above me. MICHAELD Do you see it? KIVI What is it? A spirit? How it looks about! Believe me, sir, it carries a brave form. But 'tis a spirit. MICHAELD No, girl, it eats and sleeps as we. This girl which you see was in the train wreck; but she has lost her friends and looks about to find them. KIVI I might call her a thing divine, for nothing natural I ever saw so noble. MICHAELD [Aside] At last! Something new to write about! Spirit, fine spirit! I'll free thee within two days for this. KATIE MCN Most sure, the goddess on whom these airs attend! May I know, O you wonder, if you be maid or no? KIVI No wonder, miss, but certainly a maid. MICHAELD A word, good miss; I fear you have done yourself some wrong; a word. KIVI Why speaks my father so ungently? This is the first woman that ever I saw, the first that ever I sighed for. KATIE MCN O, if a lesbian, and your affection not gone forth, I'll make you the queen of ASSD. MICHAELD Soft, miss! One word more. [Aside] They are both in either's powers; but I must slow this swift business down. [To KATIE MCN] One word more; listen, have you come to usurp my role, to write the stories I wouldst pen? KATIE MCN No, as I am a woman. KIVI Father, she means no ill. MICHAELD Speak not you for her; she's a traitor. Come; favor you Mf, nc, humil, bsdm? Then I'll manacle thy neck and feet together; I'll dress you in slut clothes and parade you about. KATIE MCN No, I will resist such entertainment till mine enemy has more power. [Draws sword, and is charmed from moving] KIVI O dear father, make not too rash a trial of her, for she's gentle and not fearful. MICHAELD What? I say, put thy sword up, traitor. KIVI Beseech you, father. MICHAELD Hence! Hang not on my garments. KIVI Sir, have pity, I'll be her surety. MICHAELD Silence! An advocate for an imposter! Hush! You think there are no more such shapes as she, having seen but her and Fast Show? Foolish wench! To the most of women this is a Fast Show And they to her are angels. KIVI My affections are then most humble; I have no ambition to see a goodlier woman. MICHAELD Come, obey. KATIE MCN I will. But my father's loss, the weakness which I feel, nor the wreck of all my friends, nor this man's threats, are nothing; if I am to be prisoned, then let me be so with this maid. KIVI Be not upset, my father is a better man than this, but like most het boys, he cannot abide girl-groping unless he pens it himself. MICHAELD [Aside] It works. [To LISALA] Thou hast done well, fine Lisala! [To KATIE MCN] Follow me. [To LISALA] Hark what thou else shalt do for me. Thou shalt be free as mountain winds, but until then exactly do all points of my command. LISALA To the syllable. MICHAELD Come, follow. [Exeunt] ACT II SCENE I Another part of the office. [Enter UTHER, JANEY, RICHARD, BRONWEN, MALINOV, SHON, and others] BRONWEN I beseech you, sir, be merry; you have cause, as have we all, for joy, for our escape is much beyond our loss. UTHER Prithee, peace. JANEY He receives comfort like a cold virus. RICHARD Aye, but her comfort is often a cold draught. JANEY She's winding up the watch of her wit, soon it will strike. BRONWEN Sir-- JANEY There's one. BRONWEN When every troll is fed that posteth, there comes to the chef-- JANEY A cent. BRONWEN Assent comes to him, indeed, you have spoken truer than you meant to. JANEY You have taken it wiser than I meant you should. BRONWEN Therefore, my lord-- RICHARD What a spendthrift is she of her tongue! JANEY My 'sent again-- RICHARD One spent as soon as it is got. UTHER I prithee, spare. BRONWEN Well, I have done, but yet-- JANEY She will be posting. RICHARD [To JANEY] Which, of she or Malinov, for a good wager, first begins to post? JANEY The pom. RICHARD The pompous. JANEY Done. The wager? RICHARD A laughter. JANEY A match! MALINOV Though this office appears empty-- JANEY Ha, ha, ha! So, you're paid. MALINOV Uninhabitable and almost inaccessible-- JANEY Yet-- MALINOV Yet-- RICHARD He could not miss it. MALINOV It seems to be of subtle, tender, and delicate temperance. RICHARD Though temperance may not be one of his tender virtues. JANEY Aye, though he may be subtle. RICHARD Too much by half. MALINOV The air breathes upon us here most sweetly. JANEY As if it had lungs, and rotten ones. RICHARD Or as 'twere perfumed by a fen. BRONWEN Here is everything advantageous to life. RICHARD True; save means to log on. JANEY Of that there's none, or little. BRONWEN But the rarity of it is, which is indeed almost beyond credit-- JANEY As many vouched rarities are. BRONWEN That our garments, being, as they were, drenched in the storm, seem fresh and glossy, being rather new-dyed than stained with rain water. Methinks our garments are now as fresh as when we put them on first in ASSM, at the marriage of the king's fair daughter Miss Behavin' to the King of Sex. JANEY 'Twas a sweet marriage, and we prosper well in our return. MALINOV ASS was never graced before with such a paragon to their queen. RICHARD [To JANEY] Though their queen was graced with quite an ass. JANEY [To RICHARD] Aye--both behind and beside her. BRONWEN Sir, we were talking that our garments seem now as fresh as when we were at the marriage of your daughter, who is now queen. UTHER You cram these words into my ears against the stomach of my sense. Would I had never married my daughter there! For, coming thence, my other daughter is lost and she too, who is so far from ASSD removed I never again shall see her. SHON Sir, she may live. UTHER No, no, she's gone. BRONWEN It is foul weather in us all, good sir, when you are cloudy. JANEY Foul weather? RICHARD Very foul. [Enter LISALA, invisible, playing solemn music] RICHARD Nay, my good lord, be not angry. BRONWEN No, I warrant you; I will not adventure my discretion so weakly. Will you laugh me asleep, for I am very heavy? RICHARD Go sleep, and hear us. [All sleep except UTHER, JANEY, and RICHARD] UTHER What, all so soon asleep! I wish my eyes would themselves shut up my thoughts. I find they are inclined to do so. JANEY Please sir, sleep, you will the better be for it. Shut up your thoughts. RICHARD We two, my lord, will guard your person while you take your Rest. UTHER Thank you. Wondrous heavy. [UTHER sleeps. Exit LISALA] JANEY What a strange drowsiness possesses them! RICHARD ASSD has been dull of late; it surprises me not. JANEY Why do our eyelids then not sink? I find not myself disposed to sleep. RICHARD Nor I; my spirits are nimble. What might, worthy Janey? O, what might? My strong imagination sees a crown dropping upon thy head. JANEY What, do you dream? RICHARD Do you not hear me speak? JANEY I do; yet you seem to speak'st out of thy sleep. RICHARD Noble Janey, your fortune sleeps instead. JANEY Prithee, say on, the setting of thine eye and cheek proclaim a matter of some importance. RICHARD Thusly, milady: Bronwen seeks to persuade the king that his daughter lives, yet black thought lies within that white breast. As she must know, 'tis impossible that Katie's unkill'd. JANEY I have no hope that she's uncrush'd. RICHARD O, out of that 'no hope' what great hope have you! Will you grant with me that Katie's dead? JANEY She's gone. RICHARD Then, tell me, who's the next heir of ASSD? JANEY Miss B. RICHARD Aye, that regal ASS dwells ten leagues beyond man's life. She, from ASSD, can have no notice. We all from that train were cast, though some yet live, and by that destiny to perform an act whereof what's past is prologue. JANEY What stuff is this! How say you? RICHARD How shall that Miss B measure us back to ASSD? Let her slumber, deep in her ASS, and let Janey wake. With her a-broad and Katie abeam'd, what a sleep were this for your advancement! Do you understand me? JANEY Methinks I do. RICHARD And how does your content tender your own good fortune? JANEY I remember you did supplant your brother MichaelD. RICHARD True, and look how well it sits upon me. Much neater than before. My brother's fans were then my fellows; now they are my men. As I slipped into Michael's role, a lark, a simple tale that became an epic, I bid you, slip thy knife in Uther's back. JANEY But, for your conscience? RICHARD Aye, sir, and where lies that? Twenty consciences may stand 'twixt me and Mf; candied be they and melt ere they molest! Here lies your brother, no better than the earth he lies upon. He sleeps as dead; let us make him so. JANEY Thy case, dear friend, shall be my precedent; as thou got'st Mf, I'll come by ASSD. RICHARD Draw together; when I rear my hand, do you the like, to fall it on Bronwen. JANEY O, but one word. [They talk apart] [Re-enter LISALA, invisible] LISALA My master through his art foresees the danger that you, his friend, are in; and sends me forth--For else his project dies--to keep them living. [Sings in BRONWEN's ear] RICHARD Let us both be sudden. BRONWEN Now, good angels, preserve the king. [They wake] UTHER Why, how now? Ho, awake! Why are you drawn? Wherefore this ghastly looking? BRONWEN What's the matter? JANEY Whiles we stood here securing your repose, we heard a noise, did it not wake you? UTHER I heard nothing. RICHARD O, 'twas a din to fright a monster's ear. UTHER Heard you this, Bronwen? BRONWEN Upon mine honor, sir, I heard a trolling, and that a strange one too, which did awake me. UTHER Lead off this ground; and let's make further search for my poor daughter. BRONWEN Heavens keep her from these beasts! For she is, I'm sure, in this office, and this tale was bereft of snuff coding. UTHER Lead away. LISALA MichaelD shall know what I have wrought here. So, king, go safely on to seek thy daughter. [Exeunt] -- If you enjoyed this work, take a moment to email the author. Your comments are their only payment. 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