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Subject: Celeste's Top 15 Stories -January 1997
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Celeste's Top 15 Stories -January 1997

(Because of problems with AOL, I am sending this to someone else who is
reposting it.  Correspondence should still be addressed to
Celeste801@aol.com.)

Note: Since many readers would like to read the top stories for each month, I
would appreciate it if authors would repost as many of these stories as
possible.  If you wish, you can label them as Celeste's #x for January: Name
of Story.

Second Note:  I have had great success finding these stories on the World
Wide Web by using the Deja News Server (www.dejanews.com) and the service at
www.reference.com.  You can even find past issues of my reviews through these
services.

- Celeste

Here's this month's list:

1. "Re: Proof reading sex stories" by M.M. Twassel
2. "Lady Distressed" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
3. "Susan" by Uther Pendragon
4. "Watching - Book 2" by Alan Mathews
5. "The Light In Mother's Window" P. D. Michael
6. "Chosen" by Tom Bombadil
7. "Forecast" by Uther Pendragon
8. "Angela" by Friar Dave
9. "Hazy Shade of Winter" by Hawkeye
10. "Christmas Break" by Mat Twassel
11. "Snowed In" by Dulcinea
12. "Redeye" by Tom Bombadil
13. "Five Stops" by Radiance
14. "Castaways" by Dafney DeWitt
15. "The Conquest" by Mystery Girl

Here are the original reviews in alphabetical order:

"Angela" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com).  Friar Dave is a little hard
to figure out.  Some of his stories show us that pushing kids into early sex
can be really bad for them.  Other stories, like this one, demonstrate that a
young girl can have a great time with no ill effects by making it with an
older man.  This is a really hot, sexy story.  Now I'm going to discuss the
legal, ethical, and personal issues. I'll try to be interesting, but if you
don't want to read that part, skip to the ratings, which say that this is an
excellent story.

Would I like to have had Angela's experience when I was 12 years old?
 Actually, no; but I was a different type of kid.  But would I like to have
been like Angela and then have had this experience.  Yes, I have to admit it
sounds really neat: my first sexual with an experienced guy who cared about
me and thrilled me to consecutive orgasms while he teaches me how to make
tender love to him - what's there not to like?

Would I like my daughters to have Angela's experience?  Again, in the context
described in the previous paragraph - why would I want to keep them from this
kind of pleasure and growth experience?  

The problem is that real life does not match fantasy.  In the movies there
are car chases in which cars routinely zoom down crowded sidewalks and nobody
gets hurt.  Those are exciting car chases and interesting fantasies; but in
real life police departments have rules about "hot pursuit," because they
know that innocent people would be killed or injured if they did what the
cops do in the movies.  It's the same with sexual stories; we need to
differentiate between fantasy and real life.  Lots of kids who start having
sex when they are twelve find that they can't stop it once they have started
and wind up with seriously dysfunctional lifestyles.  I've discussed this in
my review of "Marie," and I won't repeat that discussion here.

So my advice to my daughters is to stay away from dirty old men and not to
seduce the nice men they meet.  On the other hand, they can fantasize all
they want.  Likewise, had I not been religiously repressed, I wish I would
have had fantasies like this back when I was twelve.

What's a guy supposed to do if a nice, cute kid comes into his house and
innocently wiggles her ass in front of his nose?  He should be friendly and
persuasive and do whatever it takes to decline the opportunity.  Really.  He
should consider the possibility of either discussing the matter with the
child's parents or encouraging her to see a counselor.  Really.  He should in
the future avoid placing himself in compromising positions.  Then he should
go off by himself and either jerk off, visit his adult lover, or take a cold
shower - or maybe write a hot story for this newsgroup.  Really.

{Parenthetically, even though I enjoyed this story and gave it high ratings,
I would probably prosecute an adult who would conduct himself this way with
my underage daughter.  It wouldn't be an automatic reaction.  I'd look at the
facts of the actual situation, but I agree with the notion that 12-year-olds
who say they want to have sex with an adult are usually not responsible for
their actions, whereas the adult is.}

"Castaways" by Dafney DeWitt (ii361@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). The author tells
us that this is a story for ecology freaks.  It shows what might go wrong if
environmental ethics were allowed to creep into our sex lives.

In spite of her affair with him, Jennifer has been dumped by her boss.  She's
angry, but she does not to hurt the woman who has replaced her in the boss's
life.  She even feels sympathy for Bart's newest conquest, knowing how he
will use and discard her.  But she wants to hurt Bart.  She wants to hurt him
bad, but she needs a plan.  And so, with insights gleaned from the author's
introduction and from my own evil mind, I decided to guess what that plan
would be.  Jennifer will seduce the boss's wife, who actually owns the
company, and will use her new-found power to humiliate her former boss by
turning him into her sex slave.

Well, I was close - Deirdre trained me well.  But in spite of my feeling that
I knew what was going to happen, the rest of the story certainly held my
attention, and I was surprised at the ending.  This is a good story by a very
good author.

"Chosen" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).   The woman is a lawyer aspiring
to become a partner in an important law firm.  She receives a letter telling
her that she has been "chosen."  She thinks it's a joke and tosses it aside,
but then she discovers that several other people (including her boss) know
about her selection and consider it to be an important honor.

At this point I paused and noted to myself that this author is on a Deirdre
binge.  If he's trying to imitate Deirdre, I told myself, then the least I
can do is imitate my reviews of Deirdre.  That means I should try to predict
the ending.  This shouldn't be hard.  The woman will resist briefly but
within a day will accept the invitation and arrive at the designated place.
 She will be met by a stern woman whom she will eventually learn to address
as Mistress.  She will find herself naked in a room with lots of other naked
women, and within a couple of weeks she will learn to answer to the wishes of
whoever happens to be her Master or Mistress.  This whole new lifestyle will
make her eminently but mysteriously happy.

Well, I was close.  I won't bother you with the details of where I went
astray.  The interesting thing is that even though I had a pretty good idea
where the story was probably going, the author held my attention all the way
up to the end of the story.  The constant state of tension was really well
maintained.  The author himself said he was disappointed with this as a
"Deirdre-esq."  It's a bit long for the Deirdre genre, but I thought he did
an excellent job.  In fact, I think he did a better job here than in "Deck,"
where he thought he had finally reached Deirdre euphoria.  Like Deirdre's
stories, this one lets the narrator make seemingly logical choices that get
her into a really bizarre situation involving sexual taboos.  Also like
Deirdre, the author maintains the tension of the story masterfully; and most
importantly, at the end all of the details make perfect sense.  With many of
Deirdre's stories I have been left with the impression that "this is a silly
story but I can't explain why."  That's the reaction I experienced at the end
of this story: it made no sense, but yet it made perfect sense.  

"Christmas Break" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).  The man is sitting in
his office, watching the consultant finish up her work at the computer.  The
company makes screen savers, and he doesn't know for sure whether she is
testing his in-house version, which contains embedded erotic events <g>.  He
also can't help thinking about the doorknob in her hotel room and the
wonderful things the consultant might do to herself before or after a shower.
 Eventually, he confronts her on the elevator with a mild sexual innuendo.
 For the denouement, you'll have to read this delightful story yourself.

"The Conquest" by Mystery Girl (mystery@sentex.net).  One of the joys of
reviewing these stories is finding a new author who writes exceptionally
well.  This story is marred by some minor grammatical errors, but overall it
is an extremely well-written story.

Alexis is one of those 16-year-olds whom nobody notices. Her personality and
lifestyle seem so unremarkable that not even her family members wonder what
is going on behind those greenish-hazel eyes of hers.  In Part 1 we discover
that she is very much in touch with her own sexuality, and in Part 2 we
discover that she often takes part in sexual adventures that nobody else
knows about.  The description of her rendezvous with her cyberlover is a real
turn-on.

This is one of those fantasies that might be really stupid in real life
(especially for a 16-year-old), but exploitation and abuse can be absent in
the imaginary world of this newsgroup.  I certainly hope this author has more
stories to offer!

"Five Stops" by Radiance (radiance@inforamp.net).  I enjoy the thrill of
semi-public sex.  I have no imminent urge to take off my clothes and run
naked down a crowded street, nor do I ever plan to be gang-banged in a
striptease joint.  But I do enjoy it when my husband comes on to me (or onto
me!) and arouses me when there are other people around - or when I do the
same to him - or when we have sex in a place where someone else could
discover us.  I think it's partly the danger of being caught, partly the
secret I share with my partner, and partly the combination of innocence and
lust that blend together when we do this.  It's also just plain fun to tease
each other in this way.

In the present story the narrator and Karen have carefully timed the number
of seconds between stops near the end of a subway line and have planned a
sexual escapade on the nearly empty subway car.  The sexual action gets very
hot, as the narrator brings Karen to orgasm on the speeding train, while they
try to avoid detection.  Near the middle of the story, I realized that I
could not tell whether the narrator was a man or a woman.  I'll let you read
the story and decide for yourself.  The author does a good job of maintaining
the tension that is an important part of this kind of sexual adventure.

"Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  The main reason I like
these stories in the Bob and Jeanette Brennan series is that I have gone
through many similar experiences myself.  By this I mean that my husband and
I share a relationship based on exchange of ideas as well as of body fluids.
 I can easily understand Jeanette's feelings when the author says,
"Intercourse might not always give her a climax, but it always gave her
evidence of Bob's passion for her."  The two partners BOTH grow emotionally
as these stories progress, and my enjoyment arises as much from watching
their personal growth as from the rather hot sex they experience.  The
intelligent banter and concern for the feelings of each other continue to be
a strength of this series of stories.

Here we are on night eleven of their honeymoon.  The title refers both to the
weather prediction (rain till 10:00) and to the predictable but wonderful
pattern of what Jeanette and Bob will share together in the tent.  Part of my
enjoyment of this story arises from the fact that I HAVE made love in a tent
during a thunderstorm; and if one is careful, it can be even better than Bob
and Jeanette found it to be.

"Hazy Shade of Winter" by Hawkeye.  This story must have been around for a
while; it's a repost from the THC archive and has a 1993 copyright, but I
have never seen any stories by this author before.  This story read like a
short version of a Dirty Dawg story.  I mean that as a very real compliment.

Sam was attracted to Lisa when she flipped into his life; that is, he thought
she was beautiful because of the cute way she flipped her hair out of her
eyes.  They became close friends as they worked together, mopping rancid beer
and sharing other intimacies.  However, since she was already committed to
another boyfriend, he loved her from afar.  Well, you can guess where this is
going, and you'll probably be right; but you should read this excellent story
anyway.

"Lady Distressed" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu).  Jane (or
Janet) has been persuaded to go to one of those Medieval Faires, where her
date has abandoned her for greener pastures - or, more specifically, for a
lass in a red skirt in a haystack.  One of the courtly workers comforts Jane,
and soon she no longer begrudges her date his greener pastures.

This story is not nearly as dorky as I have made it sound.  It's really
fascinating.  I'd call it charming, but then all you macho readers would stay
away from it.  Instead I'll point out that it has hot sex in a really
interesting context.  

In addition, the author blends the vocabulary words seamlessly.  In many of
the other stories the "big words" jumped out at me as unusual; but in this
story they blended in with other equally sophisticated words and invariably
expressed exactly the meaning that the author intended.

"The Light In Mother's Window" P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com).  Back in
the 1940s the kids used to hang out after dark and look through windows to
see who was getting naked and who was getting screwed.  A primary gathering
place was outside the window of the narrator's mother.  Even the narrator
himself used to spend hours outside Mom's window, watching her play with
herself or with someone else. Mom was a virtuoso, but that doesn't mean she
was a virtuous woman.

Times have changed.  Back then, people didn't have air conditioning; and so
they left their windows open, and the kids had something to look at.
 Nowadays, we have air conditioning, and most people close their windows and
their curtains; but kids have dirty videotapes and sex on the Internet.
 Maybe that's what's wrong with the baby-boomers!  They grew up after air
conditioning but before vicarious sex had become easily abundant.

"Re: Proof reading sex stories" by M.M. Twassel (Mmtwassel@aol.com). I
recently received an e-mail message that stated: "Having been a fan of
Deirdre for quite some time, I was pleased to recently discover some
Celestial Reviews of her stories.  Anyone who has read these reviews should
know that Celeste has a theory about Deirdre, namely that she is the
reincarnation of Sherwood Anderson.  Not having ever read anything by
Anderson, I wasn't sure what the reference was about (alas, I only majored in
British literature!), but working in a library has it's advantages.  I looked
up Anderson in a series on American writers, and found this very interesting
commentary in 'American Writers: A Collection of Literary Biographies' that
fits Deirdre's stories perfectly. Celeste, you're a genius!"

Here's the Anderson excerpt: "The uncertain, groping narrator of an Anderson
story employs an art of suggestion to articulate his search for pattern and
meaning in human existence.  His experiences are fragmentary, incoherent,
inexplicable.  The chronological sequence of time may be interrupted and
reversed by memories, inadvertent thoughts, gusts of emotion, and frustrated
attempts at comprehension. Objects and people are haphazardly perceived....
Absurdly helpless, the narrator may succumb to impotence, give vent to
explosive stirrings in his subconscious, flee the envelope of his body in
mystical anguish or ecstacy, obsessedly focus upon trivialities such as a
bent finger... Since the story is an articulation of the narrator's
experience, its movement is repetitive and circular: it is not rounded off
with a meaningful conclusion, for that would violate the narrator's
integrity, his stance of wonder and search."

My correspondent subsequently posted his message to a.s.s., where it evoked
the following response from a critic named Dabasir: "What a crock of shit!
 Deirdre's stories are simply something to get off with.  In closeing I would
just like to say that your classic interpretation of Sherwood Anderson can be
summed up simply.  He rambles on stupidly much like Adolf Hitler does in
 "Mein Kampf".   Thanks for listening and have a GREAT day!  =)   
 
Before I relate this correspondence to the present story, let me first
retract anything that may have been construed as pejorative or derogatory
toward librarians in the preceding review (of D.B.'s "Fantasy").  I certainly
disagree with the classification of librarians as the only people lower on
the sex-chain than English teachers - even though my correspondent referred
to me as a mere "genius" rather than by my more rightful title of "sex
goddess." 

Mr. Dabasir may be right that Sherwood rambles on stupidly much like Adolf
Hitler does in  "Mein Kampf."  {I wouldn't touch with a twelve-inch cock what
that venerable social critic Marge Schott recently said about Mr. Hitler in
the esteemed literary journal Sports Illustrated.}  My suspicion is that
Dabasir (a) was subjected to a really bad teacher who mandated Sherwood
Anderson as a routine class assignment and (b) prefers cryptic stories about
sex slavery, mind control, and anal sex to those about eggs, unlighted lamps,
and death in the woods.  I can't say that I blame him.  Prior to my exposure
to this newsgroup, I myself had never had an orgasm while reading Anderson;
and even in the past year and a half the sexual pleasantries I have
experienced while reading Winesburg have resulted more from the classical
conditioning of my husband than from the content of the stories.  {I also
think it is distinctly possible that Dabasir - whom I thank for writing and
to whom I wish a great day!  =)  has confused Sherwood Anderson with Henry
James, who was indeed a horse's ass.}

What I object to is Dabasir's statement that "Deirdre's stories are simply
something to get off with."  No, it's not the preposition at the end of the
sentence, which is something I can put up with.  There are numerous postings
on alt.sex.stories that are "simply something to get off with"; and indeed it
may be possible - and even probable, desirable, and enjoyable - to get off
with Deirdre's stories.  But the fact is that Deirdre writes extremely well.
 I would summarize her work by saying that she artistically expresses ideas
and feelings which shyness and conventionality keep most people from
acknowledging publicly or perhaps even to themselves.  I took the last 19
words of the preceding sentence from a critique of Anderson by a professor
from Columbia University; so the similarity is probably real.

I don't want to shock anyone, but I don't really believe that Deirdre is
Sherwood Anderson reincarnated.  I think she's a damned good writer whose
style reminds me of Anderson's.  The difference between Deirdre and the
typical wannafucks and mindless "true" stories on a.s.s. is that she writes
well.  Her style makes her stories erotic in a mysterious sort of manner.
 Her style also makes it more likely that a simple shepherd yearning for his
true love or a college kid prepping for a hot date will be able to experience
the emotions and feelings intended by the author.  Bad authors take a hot
idea and fuck it up so badly that people who "weren't there" think they have
wasted their time by reading the story.  Deirdre, on the other hand, takes
some really improbable ideas that she herself has never even experienced and
expresses them in such a way that readers buy into her stories and
vicariously experience the feelings and emotions themselves.  That's what
good writers are supposed to do.  In my opinion some other writers do this
even better than Deirdre, and they use techniques that don't remotely
resemble Deirdre's or Anderson's.  But the way they write certainly makes a
huge difference.

Or as Nathaniel Hawthorne once put it, "Easy reading is damned hard writing."

The present author also writes extremely well.  This is one of the best
stories I have read this year - but then, this year is only four days old.
 In fact, this is one of the best stories I have read in a very long time.
 It's written in the format of a letter to me (Celeste), seeking advice
regarding sex stories.  The purported correspondent is a naive college
student whose sexual experience has consisted of inept masturbation and
reading stories posted on this newsgroup.  He has met and befriended a
beautiful classmate in his philosophy class; and in a misguided attempt to
impress her, he has told her that he writes sex stories for the Internet.
 The ostensible purpose of the letter to Celeste is to seek advice regarding
his dilemma (he really cannot write sex stories), but the actual result is a
highly erotic and sometimes hilariously sexy story.

The "letter" addresses several questions to Celeste, most of which I won't
attempt to answer here.  At this point I'll simply state that "pre-cum"
usually does contain a hyphen.  In addition, I might add that "proofreading"
is usually one word.  As for how the narrator should have escaped from his
dilemma - I'll leave that up to the imagination of the reader - or perhaps to
a second Letter to Celeste.

By putting this review in the context of a discussion of Deirdre, I have
managed to give the story the emphasis and dignity bestowed by a lengthy
critique.  I hope you read and enjoy this delightful story, which resembles
neither Sherwood Anderson nor Adolf Hitler.  On the other hand, J.D.
Sallinger might have altered his style just a little.... 

"Redeye" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  This author has decided that
since Deirdre has stopped writing stories, he'll try to take over for her.
 To accomplish this, he has decided to write very short stories in which the
narrator routinely discloses absolutely astonishing sexual behaviors that
will throw the reader for a loop.  However, "Redeye" is not a Deirdre story,
nor is it even Sherwood Anderson.  This story suggests that this author is
the reincarnation of Saki (H.H. Munro)!  Look that one up in your Funk and
Wagnalls!  Even though it will take you longer to find and download this
story than it will take to read it, it's a very good story.

"Snowed In" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com).  "The sun that brief December
day/ Rose cheerless over hills of gray...." Had John Greenleaf Whittier
simply co-authored his poem with Dulcinea, it would certainly be a lot easier
to get teenagers to read "Snow-Bound."  I don't see the problem: fuck rhymes
with duck, cunt with hunt, and precum with become.  Whittier goes on for 759
lines; the folks that populate his poem spend over a week cooped up in a
house, and the raunchiest thing they do is read a novel that they have to
"hide from younger eyes."

Like many of Dulcinea's stories, this one celebrates the simple joys of two
people sharing their love and their bodies.  In real life, you have perhaps
noticed that teachers often marry other teachers.  That's because they can
share their snow days together.  Would I kid you about a thing like that?

Q.  What's the definition of a "coolie"?
A.  A quickie in the snow.

"Susan" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  I think what we have here
could be entitled "Everyman's Wet Dream"; but it's also a poignant story.
 The narrator stumbles upon a beautiful woman who essentially believes that
each person should seek his or her own pleasure, but seek it by offering
pleasure to others in exchange.  Susan brings Joe to heights of pleasure he
has never experienced before.  The poignant part is that Joe eventually falls
in love with Susan and wants an exclusive relationship; but exclusivity is
not part of her repertoire.

Even taken in isolation, this is one hot story.  But what amazes me to the
point of incredulity is that this story is written by the same person who has
been posting the Bob and Jeanette Brennan stories.  I think this level of
versatility is wonderful.  As I read a Bob and Jeanette story, I say to
myself, "This author really understands simple, monogamous passion."  As I
read the present story, I say to myself, "This author really understands
hedonism."  This same author has written about an exploitive guerrilla
officer in "Duty"; and "Wagtail" contained bestiality, incest, and rape, but
was just a good, creative story.  This kind of versatility is wonderful.

"Watching - Book 2" by Alan Mathews (alanmath@hotmail.com).  This story is a
sequel to "Watching," which I ranked number 16 among my Top 100 stories of
1996.  You probably should read the original (Book 1) first - if only because
it's enjoyable and was reposted at the same time as this sequel; but Chapter
1 of the present Book provides a good recap of Book 1.

This story takes up the adventures of the very young couple and their baby as
they return to their old hometown.  They encounter some new problems,
overcome some obstacles, grow closer together as a family, and have some
great sex. 

Skyla is only two years old and is becoming interested in what mommy and
daddy do in bed together, and the parents do an exemplary job of answering
her questions in a way suited to her developmental level without introducing
her prematurely to the rites of Venus.  However, I believe some of the ideas
that the author puts into Skyla's head would be much more realistic if she
were, say, two or three years older.  {I might also point out that there are
almost certainly no two-year-olds in the real world who win at Monopoly
against intelligent twelve-year-olds who are making a serious effort.}

The scene in which Alex deflowers his young sister-in-law with Jenny's
consent is best described as Pollyanna with an Attitude.  But it's sexy
stuff.

The author consistently makes an interesting grammatical mistake.  He uses
"I" in situations that call for the objective case.  Sportscasters do this
all the time, but a.s.s. authors are supposed to be above that sort of thing.
 The easy way to deal with this problem is simply to mentally restate the
sentence without the compound phrase. 

It's incorrect to use "me" as the SUBJECT of a sentence, and so it is WRONG
to say, "Bill and me went out looking for some action."  {Omit the compound
subject. You would never say, "Me went out looking for some action."}  

On the other hand, it is correct to use "me" (and incorrect to use "I") as
the OBJECT of a sentence or as the object of a preposition.  Therefore, it
would be WRONG to say, "John invited Sue and I over to his house for a quick
threesome." {Omit the compound phrase. You would never say, " John invited I
(or we) over to his house for a quick threesome."} 

It's that simple.  I think the reason people make this mistake is because
using "me" as part of the compound subject is the error that they make (and
for which they get corrected) earlier in life; and so they overreact by
saying "I" even in situations where "me" would be appropriate.

END OF POST