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Subject: Celestial Reviews 154 - Feb 1
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Celestial Reviews 154 - February 1, 1997

(Because of problems with AOL, I am sending this to someone else who is
reposting it.  Correspondence should still be addressed to
Celeste801@aol.com.)

Note: The author of one of these stories sent his story to me a long time
ago, and I accidentally set it aside until now.  I hope he reposts it so that
readers can find it if they are attracted by this review.  I also want to
take this opportunity to point out that if other authors have sent me stories
that I have let slip into oblivion, it's OK to nudge me by sending a
follow-up note.  I have so many stories that sometimes I let one slip past
me.

Second Note:  A horny young man went to a brothel. The lady at the counter
asked him what his choice would be. The man asked what was available.

The lady replied, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all
slinky and sexy. On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all
buxom and beautiful. On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers....they..."

The man shouted, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor!"

The lady asked, "Are you sure? I'm surprised that you would prefer
ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."

The young man answered, "It's obvious, ma'am. Teachers always make you do a
thing over and over again... until you're perfect at it!"

- Celeste (Future Ex-Teacher)

      "Head of the Class" by Jon (beauty shop sex) 8, 9, 10
      "Abominable" by Miss Lucy (bestiality) 9, 9, 9
      "Angeles City" by Jim Fix (overseas military sex & romance)
            9, 10, 10
      "100" by "C. Clinton" (wet 'n wild) 7, 9, 9
      "Lot And His Daughters" by Unknown Author (biblical sex)
            5, 10, 10
      "The Adventures of Melissa" by Bill Williams (exhibitionism)
            10, 8, 9
      "The Second Contest: A Smutty Seinfeld Story" by no one 
            (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
      "'D' Is for Driving" by Dulcinea (seduction on the highway)
            10, 10, 10
      "Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (going home again)
            10, 10, 10
      "Metari Nights" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (adventure & romance)
            9.5, 10, 10
      "The Prey" by Doug Reade (child molester) 10, 10, 10

    * "The Hedonists" by Jonboy (orgies) 9, 10, 10
    * "The Reward" by Bill Green (mind control) 10, 10, 10

* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently
     been reposted).

"Head of the Class" by Jon (THC repost).  The title is a play on words.  Jon
goes to the head of his class by giving and getting head to and from the
customers in his hairdressing class.  The plot is not exactly sophisticated,
and the grammar includes some major gaffs, but this is a pretty hot story.

Ratings for "Head of the Class"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
"Abominable" by Miss Lucy (archer77@flash.net). "Red-haired Wild Woman
Spotted!  Pregnant by Bigfoot?"  That tabloid headline summarizes the
culmination of the activities in this story.  The woman gets lost; the
man/beast finds her and fills her cunt with his foot-long tool (three inches
in diameter); he deposits a bucket of cum and "marks" her for his own; and
she decides to stay.  Sounds reasonable!

Ratings for "Abominable"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Angeles City" by Jim Fix (jimfix@earthlink.net).  Do soldiers on leave
really play games like this? Three men sit at a table and drink their beers.
The first to smile has to pay the bill. That seems easy enough, but there is
one catch: there will be three girls under the table giving them a blow job
while they drink their beer, and if no one smiles the first to get his rocks
off will have to foot the bill.

This story contains numerous clever military references and anecdotes based
on GI tales of the type that begin with "This ain't no shit. . . . "  At
first it seemed that this was going to be a simple tale of military
debauchery, but then it turned solidly romantic.  This was a very good story.

Ratings for "Angeles City"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"100" by "C. Clinton" (That's what it said!)  The woman makes a Super Bowl
bet with her husband.  If her team wins, she gets a diamond necklace.  If his
wins, she'll do anything he wants.  Her team is the Chargers.  {For you
baseball fans, that's the football version of the Cubs.}   And so she has to
let 100 men jerk off on her face, while she recites after each ejaculation,
"I'll never bet on the Chargers again."

Don't worry, she gets help from a half dozen fluff girls.  The wife herself
is handcuffed; she's not allowed to even touch any of the guys except her
husband.

"Ever had a cock cum in your mouth from an inch away? Sometimes, you can
actually hear the jizzum hit the back of your throat." Sounds weird!  After
fifty or so guys have spermed you, the rest would seem anti-climactic, so to
speak.

We even have stereotypical behavior.  Not black guys with monster cocks; but
at one point, there are eight Japanese guys in a row. Each one has to take
fucking pictures of the other seven guys shooting their wads. In the end, the
husband is a good sport.  He has billed each guy fifty bucks, and so he buys
the wife the necklace anyway.  Embedded in it is a tiny "100" in diamonds.
 Precious!

Ratings for "100"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Lot And His Daughters" by Unknown Author.  I'm sure somebody will consider
this story to be blasphemous or something, but it's actually pretty good. Lot
is the guy whose family left the city of Sodom right before it was
annihilated by fire and brimstone because of the disgusting sins of the
people who lived there.  His wife was turned to a pillar of salt for looking
back at the city while it was being destroyed. Shortly thereafter, Lot had
incestuous sex with his two daughters.  It's right there in the bible.
 Really!  Anyone interested in a serious but enjoyable look at sex in the
bible should check out the online version of "And Adam Knew Eve: A Dictionary
of Sex in the Bible" at http://www.mindspring.com/~hobrad/andmain.htm

The present author has taken the basic Lot story and has added details in a
style that sounds pretty much like that of the author of Genesis. He did such
a good job that I had to check Genesis 19: 30-38 to see whether this story
was real or apocryphal.  The punctuation sucks, but neither the original
Hebrew nor the Septuagint translation would have had punctuation.  Maybe this
is a veritable archeological find!  We'll see if I get struck by lightning or
get rendered frigid as a punishment for giving this story a "5" for technical
quality.

Ratings for "Lot And His Daughters"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Adventures of Melissa" by Bill Williams.  This Red Dragon repost was
listed as "At the Movies."  It's the first two chapters of an apparently
longer story.  The problem with Red Dragon and THC reposts is that sometimes
the author later adds more parts, but the reposter doesn't catch these; and
so it may be impossible to find the rest of the story.

Bill wonders whether his wife, Melissa, would get turned on by the sight of
another man's cock.  To find out, he takes her to a porn movie theater.  Not
only does she get turned on by the cock on the screen, but also by the cock
of the guy next to her, who exposes himself when Melissa gets carried away
and starts making it with Bill in the theater.  Next they decide to make
their own movie, and to do this they arrange an orgy with nice people and a
hidden camera.  Then the story pretty much ends in the middle of nowhere.

I personally have no interest in having public sex in a porn theater; they
appear to me like to be really sleazy places.  On the other hand, I have
enjoyed porn videos in the privacy of my own home. My husband and I used to
watch maybe two movies a month, and the good ones often led us into very hot
sex.   However, since I have started writing these reviews, I have watched
very few porn flicks.  That's partly because I have much less time, but also
because the porn movies simply do not measure up to the better stories on
this newsgroup.  If I want a visual image to supplement a story, I'm much
more likely to cuddle up with or jump my husband - and get a tactile image to
go along with it.

One of my problems with porn movies is that I often start feeling sorry for
the women who make them.  I think it would have to be degrading to have an
ugly and/or insipid guy with his cock involved with my anatomy, and I start
wondering why a woman would do that.  I don't have that problem with the sex
stories on this newsgroup.

In addition, almost all the porn flicks are really bad.  There's rarely even
a semblance of a sensible plot, and the looping combines with mismatched
sound tracks to create a feeling of really boring surrealism - or perhaps
surrealistic boredom.  One of the most grotesque aspects of porn movies is
the need for the guy to cum externally.  The girl often says "sexy" things
like, "Come all over my face baby!"  But I'm sure the real reason for the
external cumshot is that the "director" has no other way to communicate to
the viewer that the guy has had his orgasm - that is, it's time for the scene
to end.

When we used to watch porn movies, both my husband and I used to enjoy the
movies with girl/girl scenes (e.g., "Passages 1 through 3" starring Christy
Canyon and Jennifer Stewart, I think).  This was because the women showed a
certain personality and interest in life and because the characters at least
did what real women actually do when having sex with one another.  We now
tend to enjoy non-porn movies with sexy but not raunchy parts.  Body Heat and
Fatal Attraction have been among our favorites.  I think my husband has the
dialogue to Body Heat memorized.  My husband liked Striptease, but I found it
to be rather insipid.

A major problem with porn films is that most of the actors and actresses
simply cannot act. Ron Jeremy is the only male with any acting ability, and
he's not exactly attractive.  I guess maybe it's asking too much to expect an
intelligent, creative woman to be willing to demean herself by having
dangerous sex with strangers for a movie camera.   On the other hand, when I
see  some of the air-head actresses in mainstream movies....

In short, the writers on this newsgroup come a lot closer to writing
excellent fiction than the porn movie directors come to making excellent
movies.

If any of you have comments or insights on this topic, maybe you'd like to
send them to me or post them on a.s.s.d.  It might be interesting to make
more comparisons between movies and these stories; and I'm sure there are
many readers out there who know a lot more about the movies than I do.

Ratings for "The Adventures of Melissa"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Second Contest: A Smutty Seinfeld Story" by no one (noone@nowhere.com).
 George's girlfriend, Susan, has just recently died; and the guys (Jerry,
George, and Kramer) are sitting around the table in the restaurant with
Elaine, bragging about their sexual prowess.  Elaine offers to settle the
question of which is best in the sack.  They put up money for a wager, and
Elaine agrees to give them each one shot at her, so that she can make a
quality assessment.  I won't tell you any more, except to say that this
dysfunctional group of friends performs about the way you might expect.  

The author does an excellent job in this parody of the Seinfeld television
sitcom.  I hope we see more stories from him/her.

Ratings for "The Second Contest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"'D' Is for Driving" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com).  Driving home with her
husband from her sister's wedding, the woman suggests that they stop at a
motel so that they can make love.  The husband says that he would prefer to
drive through the night, so that they can sleep in their own bed.  She takes
his refusal as a challenge and seduces him in the dark while he tries to
drive the car.  This is another excellent story.

Ratings for "'D' Is for Driving"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com).  The woman
has decided to visit the island area in Maine that she used to haunt with her
cousins during her childhood.  She comes upon a teenage boy masturbating; and
after watching him, she makes tender love to him.  This main event is
surrounded by numerous reflections on her own sexual development.  This is a
well-written, sensitive, erotic story.

Ratings for "Encounter at Green's Rock"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Metari Nights" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu). Shalini has been
sold as a slave/courtesan into the House of Leata.  Unlike most of the sex
slaves on this newsgroup, Shalini longs to be free; and she theorizes that
the best way to gain her freedom is by becoming an extremely adept courtesan.
 Her sexual skills lead her into the arms of a magician who gains for her a
dangerous opportunity to break away from her slavery.  You can read the rest
of the story for yourself.

With its vague setting in the mideast or the orient, this story reads like a
sexy tale from "1001 Arabian Nights."  In an epilog the author states that
this is a cannibalized extract from a novel-in-progress.  In spite of some
rough edges - and unexpectedly bad grammar and style in Chapter 8 - this is
an excellent story that combines adventure and romance.

Ratings for "Metari Nights"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Prey" by Doug Reade (readebks@wolfenet.com).  The young man is a sexual
predator.  He lurks in hiding, waiting for the right child to molest.  He has
ways to entice children.  He knows his business well.  In the incident that
is the focus of this story, he has sized up a 6-year-old boy as his next
victim.  But just as he's about to pounce, an even more attractive
10-year-old girl approaches almost out of nowhere.  He sets his sights on
her....

I normally don't like pedophile stories; but this one is excellent.  This is
not a sexy story (at least it did not arouse me), but it is a good story.
 Strange, but excellent.  I can't tell you more about it.  Read it for
yourself.

Ratings for "The Prey"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Hedonists" by Jonboy (jonboy@thepoint.net).  I get skeptical about
these stories sometimes.  So when I brought my husband a beer during a
commercial of the baseball game tonight, I said to him, "Imagine that you are
a plumber and have to wait for an hour until the lady of the house returns.
 Her nubile step-daughter is lying by the pool and asks you to rub suntan
lotion on her, and her movements cause her tiny black bikini to practically
disappear into her the crack of her tight little ass.  As you apply the
lotion, you can smell the odor of sex permeating the air around you.  Would
you find this to be at all erotic?"  "What does nubile mean?" he replied, as
I handed him his beer and a bottle of baby lotion, flipped off the TV with
the remote control, lay down with my naked ass easing out beneath my
tee-shirt, and said, "The kids will be home at 8:30."  Anyway, the basic
premise of the story seems to be sound: at least some men would find this to
be an erotic situation.

Actually, the kids did not get home till 9:00 and the premise was more erotic
than I had expected - either that or it contrasted really well with a boring
baseball game; and so I didn't get back to reading this story until much
later.  By then it had occurred to me that since the title was plural, ole
Dave would be checking the plumbing of both mother and daughter and possibly
a few others unknown to me at that moment.

By the way, Dave is a stud himself; so this is not a guy's only fantasy.  In
addition, he's apparently a union plumber: "You just charge us for the whole
day," says Mom.  "It would be worth twice the price to find an unusual man
like yourself."

As I understand it, Dave had five resounding orgasms within about five hours
during his initial visit, and he also found time to fix a leaky pipe while
the step-mother shaved her pussy in front of him.  Fortunately, the ladies
had no Kryptonite in their house.  I have no idea how often the two woman
came that first afternoon, but they were both pretty happy.  Meanwhile, I was
at the end of chapter 4 out of 10, and my husband was dead to the world after
moving the earth only two times in 94 minutes.  Then in chapter 5 Dave gets a
hard-on thinking about his upcoming <g> date with Vicki that evening, and so
he has oral sex with his roommate (a guy) before he showers and heads off for
his date in chapter 6.

When Dave returns to the mansion at 7:00 the Three Amigos fondle, exchange
tongues, and become pre-orgasmic; but they do NOT engage in full genital
contact.  Another orgasm at this time might strain credulity. The kids go out
for pizza and Mom goes upstairs for her dildo - either that or she goes to a
bar and takes on an entire basketball team before going to spend the evening
in a sex club.  The transitions are not perfectly clear here; and reality and
fantasy merge. Chapter 7 explains the activities of the sex club - The
Hedonists Society; and these would make an interesting story in themselves.
 In fact, chapter 7 SHOULD be a separate story; stylistically it's a major
distraction, and I have no idea why the author felt the need to shove it into
this story.  Suffice it to say that these hedonistic little fuckers probably
have a franchise in a city near yours - unfortunately, it's fictional. 

Meanwhile, back in the real "plot," Dave and Vicki go to a nightclub that has
a "sexiest couple contest."  Having already exceeded the limits of human
sexual capacity, of course, they refrain from participating.  Right!  And I
have a bridge in Brooklyn and some oceanfront property in Arizona that I'd
like to sell you.  Actually, they win the contest.  This may not seem
improbable, since the couple has refrained from full sexual copulation for
nearly nine hours by the time the contest starts, but I forgot to tell you
that Dave had already cum three times immediately before the contest began.  

The dance contest scenario is especially well written.  The author describes
not only the antics of Dave and Vicki but also those of several other
couples; and the various couples also interact with one another.  And this
hot sex is NOT a digression, but rather a contribution to the overall plot.
 An anthropologist at heart, Dave wins the contest with an ancient mating
dance.  It had a good beat and was easy to cum to.  Dick Clark would give it
a 99.  To celebrate their victory, Vicki sucks Dave's cock to the verge of
orgasm in the car on the way home; but he doesn't cum (again, we don't want
to strain credulity).  To wrap things up, Dave stays over with Vicki; and Mom
wakes up and joins them for one final orgy.  Assuming the story ends at, say,
4:00 a.m., Dave has had ten raging orgasms within 19 hours.  Not bad for a
plumber.

A word of stylistic advice to the author: I don't see what is gained by
referring to Vicki as "the sex crazed bitch" in the normal narrative.  It
makes sense to use this terminology to express DAVE's thoughts; but the
author does a good job of giving an objective but hot description of events,
and I think the evaluative reference weakens the presentation.  Normally,
when it is the author speaking we hear words like "the beautiful young woman"
or even "the beautiful young woman whose cunt ached for his cock."  A lot of
authors do this.  My advice is to consider what can be gained by using the
appropriate words at the right times.  {The following is fine: "OK, bitch!"
Dave swore, "You want fucked.  This is a fuck!"  It's proper because these
are DAVE's words, not the narrator's.}

Not everything in the story was a turn-on for me.  For example, I don't find
it at all erotic to think of a guy pissing on me; and while swallowing cum
seems sexy to me, gulping down a mouthful of piss does not.  Likewise,
sticking my finger and even my tongue into a pulsating ass is sexy; but I
have no desire to have a guy dump his load on me.  However, there was plenty
of hot stuff, and I could have simply skimmed the less delectable parts.

As I started this story, I was seriously considering docking the author for
having no real plot - this story was just an excuse to talk about sex.  But
then I discovered that there really was a plot of sorts; and at the very
least it was a damned good excuse to talk about sex.  Then I said to myself
that certainly I had to subtract a point or so for the lack of realism.  I
mean, I've read Kinsey and Masters & Johnson and some of the others; and not
even Shere Hite thinks a guy who has already been having frequent sex can
have this many orgasms.  But what the hell!  "High Noon" is a great movie,
and nobody ever counts how many times Will Kane fires his six-shooter without
reloading.

Assuming there are people who want to read a story primarily to get
themselves or a friend turned on, there may be a demand for this story!

Ratings for "The Hedonists"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Reward" by Bill Green (wgreen@netcom.com).  I usually prefer to wait
until multi-chapter stories are finished before posting my review.  Several
months ago this author asked for an early review. Since this is an excellent
story, I felt the author deserved a Reward; and so I reviewed it after only 9
chapters.  He has now posted Chapters 10 and 11.  He continues to show a high
level of creativity in both his ideas and style of writing; and so the
following review is still accurate.

Until now, my favorite mind control story was Backrub's "Wet Dreams,"  which
I ranked as the Number 43 story of 1995.  This story is even better.  To be
honest, I HAVE enjoyed other mind control stories, but in the back of my mind
I always get the feeling that they are simplistic.  That is, they suggest
that a college sophomore can read a book on hypnosis and thereafter have his
way with any woman he wants.  This one is different;  it is genuine science
fiction.  The Power goes beyond mind control; the explanation for the power
sounds like it's based on an esoteric application of quantum physics.  The
beginning of the story delineates the rules that the recipient of the power
must follow.  The results are delightful!

The hero accidentally releases from captivity a mysterious being and is
rewarded by the Power to control thoughts and actions within a restricted
range.  He initially tries the Reward out on his spoiled-brat step-sister
with remarkable success.  Then he tries it out with a traveling companion
during a two-hour plane flight.  As he uses his power, he learns about his
Reward and modifies his guidelines for using it.  I can't wait to see the
next chapters!

I suspect that the author is a person with some background in computer
programs.  His instructions to the Power appear to be mini-scripts containing
commands that typically might become computer programs in a language like
C++.  However, this is not C++.  It's easily an A.

My only problem with this story (and it's not a significant one) is that the
narrator's fantasies often do not correspond with my own.  All that means,
however, is that if you get off on the idea of fantasizing about a woman with
basketball-size breasts dressed only in corset and a set of leather boots
with six-inch stiletto heals, you'll probably enjoy the story even more than
I did.

CELESTIAL GRAMMAR: BLONDS AND BLONDES.  The adjective is BLOND.  The ONLY use
for BLONDE is to describe a female person with blond hair.  ("I fucked the
blonde in the ass.") The hair itself is BLOND.  It's OK to refer to a BLOND
girl as a BLONDE girl (either is acceptable), but a BLONDE's cunt is BLOND
not BLONDE - although I have heard that there are some BLONDES who are cunts,
in a metaphorical sense, of course.   It's not mandatory to call anyone a
BLONDE.  It's OK to omit the "e" and to call a BLONDE a BLOND.  There's
probably a joke in this somewhere.

Actually, saying that a certain female is a cunt, is not only a metaphor,
it's an example of metonymy.  This term refers to using a part or symbol to
refer to the whole.  Dictionaries give examples like using "the crown" to
refer to the king or queen or the ruling power of a country (as in, "You're
lack of respect displeases the Crown.").  A large number of English
vulgarisms are actually examples of metonymy: "She's a cunt," "He's a regular
dick," etc.  Just thought you'd like to know.

END OF POST