Path: newsfeed.direct.ca!news.uoregon.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.erols.net!worldnet.att.net!news.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey01.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801) Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories Subject: Celestial Reviews 150 - Jan 18 Date: 19 Jan 1997 14:53:59 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 417 Message-ID: <19970119145301.JAA27195@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Xref: newsfeed.direct.ca alt.sex.stories:144497 Status: N Celestial Reviews 150 - January 18, 1997 Note: Ah, distinctly I remember. It was in the bleak December. In my guileless lethargy I blithely decided to combine work with play and proclaimed the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. I wasn't credulous enough to believe that more than two or three people would enter. The basic idea was that authors had to use a specified set of words in a really good story. My theory was that irascible students who are typically put off by more mundane approaches to vocabulary instruction would easily become adept users of these words. Response has been overwhelming! It's refreshing to realize that the creative hedonists who spend their time on this newsgroup are not impervious to public service. Some of the stories were submitted by prolific authors whose names we have seen often in this newsgroup, other authors appear here for the first time. The most egregious omission from the entries is the failure of Grammaticus to submit a poem containing all the words. I see an incipient educational revolution taking place here. I am confident that any intelligent person reading these stories will (a) not suffer and (b) learn these words. Certainly, not all eight stories would be necessary. In an academic setting, the best way to use these stories might be to show students the list of words and their definitions (and perhaps discuss interesting aspects of the words), then let the students read the first three or four stories, then give the vocabulary test. The rest of the stories could be sprinkled throughout the rest of the semester, so that the students could review and retain them. Assuming we wanted to teach, say 2000 words rather than a mere 20, we would obviously need 800 stories; but hey, that's what libraries (and the Web) are for! {Actually, the best way to teach these words would be to tell the students that the stories are available, and then FORBID them to read such disgusting trash.} When I first looked at the list of words I had selected, I thought maybe I had made the task too difficult. I could imagine incipient orgasms and perhaps constricting cunt muscles and a relaxed lethargy after sex, but most of these words appeared to be completely unrelated to sexual activity. But the authors rose to the challenge. Perhaps the most mundanely creative was the author who used this disclaimer: "The following three stories contain the words acerbic, adept, ameliorate, apocryphal, assuage, blithe, constrict, credulous, dilatory, egregious, fatuous, guile, hedonism, impervious, incipient, irascible, lethargy, mundane, prolific, and redundant. If these words offend you, or if you are not old enough to read these words in your community, then don't read any further." {Incidentally, "mundanely creative" is a genuine oxymoron. The phrases that appear as "oxymorons" on talk shows and joke pages - military intelligence, cultured Canadian, sexy engineer, etc. - are jokes. By claiming that these are oxymorons, the speaker or jokester is making a satirical comment about the military, Canadians, or engineers. A real oxymoron describes the tension in a situation: "Parting is such sweet sorrow" means that it is paradoxically both pleasant and unpleasant to say good-bye to a loved one. If we describe a person as possessing intelligent stupidity, we might mean that he is looking so hard at the abstract aspects of a problem that he is missing the obvious point - or we might mean that a person who is considered really stupid by everyone around him is using his common sense so well that he is more intelligent than others. By saying that this writer was mundanely creative, I meant that his approach was simultaneously simple and surprising. But enough of these dilatory ramblings! We had better get back to the stories.} As I began to read these stories, I realized they were all excellent. In order to make my decisions make sense, I decided to tighten up the ratings a little. If I gave all the stories straight 10s, how could I account for the winner? And so, maybe a side benefit of this contest will be an improvement in the rating system. THE WINNER IS: "Susan" by Uther Pendragon. It was an extremely close choice between this and one other story. I won't give the name of the other story, so that all the other authors can assume that they almost won. Thanks to everyone who entered. We got some really excellent stories from this contest. READERS' CHOICE: Since there were so many good stories this time, I found it difficult to select my winner. I'd like to get input from readers. If you have time, send me a vote stating which of these stories you think was best and a brief comment explaining your selection. Or, if you prefer, write a note to the author whose story you prefer and tell him/her why you think he/she got shafted by Celeste. Also, if you have ideas for a topic format for the Fourth Annual Celestial Writing Contest, I am open to suggestions. Don't worry; I live in my own little world and I don't have to wait another year for my next "annual" contest. - Celeste "Susan" by Uther Pendragon (hot but poignant hedonism) 10, 10, 10 "Whitewash" by Tom Bombadil (blackmail & sex slavery) 9.5, 9, 8 "Three Variations on a Theme" by OddManOut (variety) 9.5, 8, 8 "Adventures on the Oregon Trail" by Rhett Dreams (sex in the wild west) 9.5, 10, 10 "After Hours" by hamlet (shoe store sex) 10, 10, 10 "Parking" by The Englishman (emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10 "Lady Distressed" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (chivalrous romance) 10, 10, 10 "A Night Out" by Taylor Norton (strip joint sex) 9, 10, 10 "Amy the Dark Part 1: Payback" by Daniel Rabe (incest & revenge) 7, 7, 7 "Susan" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). I think what we have here could be entitled "Everyman's Wet Dream"; but it's also a poignant story. The narrator stumbles upon a beautiful woman who essentially believes that each person should seek his or her own pleasure, but seek it by offering pleasure to others in exchange. Susan brings Joe to heights of pleasure he has never experienced before. The poignant part is that Joe eventually falls in love with Susan and wants an exclusive relationship; but exclusivity is not part of her repertoire. Even taken in isolation, this is one hot story. But what amazes me to the point of incredulity is that this story is written by the same person who has been posting the Bob and Jeanette Brennan stories. I think this level of versatility is wonderful. As I read a Bob and Jeanette story, I say to myself, "This author really understands simple, monogamous passion." As I read the present story, I say to myself, "This author really understands hedonism." This same author has written about an exploitive guerrilla officer in "Duty"; and "Wagtail" contained bestiality, incest, and rape, but was just a good, creative story. This kind of versatility is wonderful. Ratings for "Susan" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Whitewash" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Jane and her husband have fallen on hard times financially. She has padded expense accounts to make ends meet. But now the boss has found out, and it's time to pay the piper. In his prologue this author states that he was trying to imitate Deirdre's style with this story. Now, if you're ever a character in a Deirdre-style story and somebody asks you to promise to do without question everything he says, remember to "just say no," unless the idea of sex slavery sounds attractive to you. In the context of the present Writing Contest, an _acerbic_ "No way, Jose!" might be in order. In preparation for the Fourth Writing contest, Jane is more amenable to persuasion. So anyway, our fallen heroine, overcome by blackmail, submits to the evil intentions of Dick Small. That's right, Dick Small. Jane concludes that if she has no choice in the matter she might as well enjoy the coercive sex with her boss and with Cindy Darling, whom the boss imposes on her. And so she does begin to enjoy it. An unexpected benefit of the sexual slavery with the boss is an amazing amelioration of her sex life with her husband. Jane also develops a close relationship with Cindy. The story has a bit of a surprise ending; so I don't want to tell you any more about the plot. This was a good story, but in comparison to some of the other contest entries, the plot developed too slowly. In fact, the plot is not nearly as well developed and to the point as was this author's "Chosen," which I reviewed last week. Ratings for "Whitewash" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Three Variations on a Theme" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com). What we have here is a set of three unrelated very short stories, each of which fits the requirement of using the specified vocabulary words. Two out of the three also include good writing advice. The first story focuses on Pam and Sandy getting it on together while they discuss using "sexier" words in Sandy's advertising copy. The final story presents a lad who is caught reading a porn magazine when he should be studying vocabulary words, and the kindly teacher locks him into a room with the stories from a contest much like this one (but with lower-quality stories) for his reading assignment. In between we have a light-hearted mind control story, in which the local geek has acquired from an ancient tome mysterious powers to control cheerleaders. This story falls a bit short of the winner with regard to both (1) accuracy of word usage and (2) coherence of the plots. These are three good stories - just not good enough to win the prize. My biased opinion is that the plot of the third story has great potential; and if there is a similar Fourth Celestial Writing Contest the author should develop that plot into a real masterpiece. Ratings for "Three Variations on a Theme" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Adventures on The Oregon Trail" by Rhett Dreams (Rhettxxoo@aol.com). Josh is a teenage scout for a wagon train headed from Missouri to Oregon. What he learns about sex from the experienced widow Claire he applies to the much younger Shelly as they grow closer during their dangerous trek. The sex is very hot, and it occurs within a realistic pioneer setting. As the author states in the epilogue, this is the beginning of a longer story about this group of sexy settlers. This author writes extremely well. Aside from the engrossing story, I also appreciated his choice of words. On a few occasions his use of the "contest" words seemed a bit artificial - but hey! this is an artificial contest. It's his choice of non-contest words that I admired. On the other hand, the author made silly but irritating errors with simpler words - for example, past for passed - which could have been corrected through more careful proofreading. Ratings for "Adventures on the Oregon Trail" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "After Hours" by hamlet (brian@ISI.EDU). Mark is selling shoes and Susan is on the make. She tries on shoes till closing time. Then after hours, she captures him and gives him the rid of his life. It's very hot sex - if such a thing is possible in a shoe store. An interesting aspect of this story is that it uses the word "apocryphal" perfectly - with reference to the stories Mark had heard about Susan pulling a train in the men's restroom. In fact, were I to base first prize completely on word choice, this one might be the winner. It's an excellent story! Ratings for "After Hours" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Parking" by The Englishman (Eskilton@aol.com). Julie and her boyfriend have been parking and necking, and Phil goes too far. Julie is upset not so much over Phil's ejaculation as over her loss of control, the inconvenience, and her need to explain to her father why she has walked home without a purse. We get a surprise ending, but if I told you any more about it, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? Because my database is seriously corrupted, I cannot check my records carefully; but my recollection is that The Englishman has most often written incest stories. This is a departure from that pattern, and it's a very good story. I like this level of flexibility. Ratings for "Parking" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Lady Distressed" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu). Jane (or Janet) has been persuaded to go to one of those Medieval Faires, where her date has abandoned her for greener pastures - or, more specifically, for a lass in a red skirt in a haystack. One of the courtly workers comforts Jane, and soon she no longer begrudges her date his greener pastures. This story is not nearly as dorky as I have made it sound. It's really fascinating. I'd call it charming, but then all you macho readers would stay away from it. Instead I'll point out that it has hot sex in a really interesting context. In addition, the author blends the vocabulary words seamlessly. In many of the other stories the "big words" jumped out at me as unusual; but in this story they blended in with other equally sophisticated words and invariably expressed exactly the meaning that the author intended. Ratings for "Lady Distressed" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "A Night Out" by Taylor Norton (jocon@tiac.net). This is a strange story - a really strange story. The guy comes into a strip joint and seems determined to get really drunk, while remaining aloof from the dancers and waitresses. Eventually he is attracted to a very sensuous Mexican dancer. He gets carried away, and a brutal bar fight follows. The actual sex is minimal, but the reader is left with a vivid impression of some mysterious events in a decadent but erotic atmosphere. The author's style reminds me of good detective stories; and the atmosphere of the stories reminds me of Wollstonecraft at his best. The only thing wrong with this story is that it's poorly proofread - occasional apostrophes instead of plurals and that sort of thing. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy the story. I hope this author writes some more stories. Ratings for "A Night Out" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Amy the Dark Part 1: Payback" by Daniel Rabe (aquilada@mail.dial-up.net). This story was inspired by the Writing Contest. Although the author did not manage to work all the words into the story and although it is not quite complete, I thought I should review it in this issue of CR anyway. This is a vivid description of a young girl killing her parents after the father has raped her and the mother has done nothing to intervene. The rape itself (described in a flashback).is realistic, but not sexy. The author's commendable goal seems to be to set people straight who think that kiddy-rape is a lot of fun. Actually, most people who believe in child incest would probably reply that it doesn't happen this way - kids who have sex with their parents do so "freely," and both they and their parents have a good ole time. The author needs to sharpen this angle. I recommend that he read and imitate some of the Michael K. Smith stories (such as "Justice") that focus on this topic. The author _begins_ by announcing that this is a story about the real effects of incestuous rape. The first thing I would do would be to omit that warning; the author would achieve his impact more effectively if he simply told the story with no preamble. In addition, the entire story needs a careful proofreading to eliminate some fairly obvious grammatical errors. This story possesses the kernel of a good idea. It's not finished yet, and the author acknowledges that. My hope is that rather than just adding words to "finish" the story, the author will revise the whole thing while bringing it to completion. Ratings for "Payback" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 CELESTIAL VOCABULARY: A problem with some of the stories was that some authors seemed to lack a full comprehension of a few of the contest words. I'll try to clarify these meanings here: A few authors tended to use AMELIORATE when they should have used ASSUAGE. or vice versa. Here's the difference: ASSUAGE implies softening or sweetening what is harsh or disagreeable. AMELIORATE implies making more tolerable or acceptable conditions that are hard to endure. Although dictionaries often give "fictitious" as a definition of APOCRYPHAL, it is not accurate to use the two words interchangeably. Here's the short version of the distinction: APOCRYPHAL implies an unknown or dubious source or origin, or it may imply that the thing itself is dubious or inaccurate. I think the word came into the English language through the term APOCRYPHA, which early Christian leaders applied to those books of the bible (such as The Gospel of St. Peter or St. Thomas) that claimed to be authentic but where rejected as fakes by the early Church leaders. Thus, stories of Jesus making mud animals that came to life were considered to be apocryphal. The term has expanded to include any story that sounds plausible but might be fraudulent. Some of the statements I attribute to Mark Twain or Yogi Berra are APOCRYPHAL - that is, it's likely that those people didn't really say these things. The advertisements indicating that Fondle Me Elmo dolls will be available by Valentine's Day are all apocryphal. The following story, obtained from rec.humor, is possibly apocryphal: "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. FICTITIOUS implies fabrication and suggests artificiality or contrivance more than deliberate falsification or deception. FICTITIOUS is a broader category than APOCRYPHAL. While it makes sense to refer to Ebenezer Scrooge and Tiny Tim or to a name John Smith uses at a motel as FICTITIOUS, neither would be considered APOCRYPHAL. MUNDANE means WORLDLY only in the sense of "worldly as opposed to heavenly or celestial." The more frequent meaning is "ordinary." Several authors tried to use MUNDANE to mean "knowledgeable in the ways of the world, which I don't think is right. At the very least the second meaning ("ordinary") would interfere with an attempt to use "mundane" in the phrase "experienced and mundane lover." Here are two examples of effective use: or CREDULOUS means "gullible or disposed to believe too readily." A CREDULOUS woman is likely to believe that the cowboy who tells her she is beautiful at closing time really is interested in her mind rather than her pussy. A related meaning is "arising from or characterized by credulity." So we might have a CREDULOUS story or a CREDULOUS gasp from a girl who has suddenly realized that the shoe salesman's hand has found her pussy. INCREDULOUS is the opposite. It means "skeptical or disbelieving." I might emit an incredulous gasp when I see one of those monster cocks I so often read about. In fact, those stories leave me incredulous. INCREDIBLE means "unbelievable." It is not the same as INCREDULOUS. If I emitted an incredible gasp when I see one of those monster cocks, it would be my gasp (not the size of the cock) that would be hard to believe. If other writers have comments on these words, or if Grammaticus has a poem, I'd be happy to hear from you. Come to think of it, if someone else wrote a raunchy poem and attributed it to Grammaticus, I suppose that would be an apocryphal poem. Imagine that!