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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Subject: Celestial Reviews 149 - Jan 15
Date: 15 Jan 1997 18:59:28 GMT
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Celestial Reviews 149 - January 15, 1997

Note: Uther Pendragon has been reposting his entire "Bob and Jeanette
Brennan" series. I have previously reviewed most of the Bob and Jeanette
Brennan stories, and I am reposting those now.  This is an excellent
series.  Remember, these are ORIGINAL reviews; in only a few cases have I
had time to post a revision after the author revised the story.  In most
cases the author has revised and improved a story, so that my original
review may be slightly inaccurate. Nevertheless, I think these original
reviews may help you find and enjoy these stories.

      "Forever"
      "Forest"
      "Forecast"
      "Forestalling" 
      "Foreplay"
      "For Him"
      "Forthright"
      "For These Gifts"
      "For Now"

You can recognize these stories in the postings by the word "For..." at
the beginning of the title, or (less creatively) by the author's name in
the title line.  I have occasionally been guilty of posting an old address
for this author.  His current, correct address is given with the reviews.
Like most authors whose stories you enjoy on this newsgroup, he would
probably like constructive criticism from his readers.

Second Note:  Today is the deadline for the Third Annual Celestial Writing
Contest.  If you have not yet submitted your entry, I'll still accept
stories until I post the winner on Saturday.  I have received several
entries so far, and I can tell that I am going to have an enjoyable time
judging them.  The Bad News is that Stephanie, who won the first two
contests, has had the flu and has decided not to submit a story this time.
 The Good News is that several other excellent writers have picked up the
slack.

Third Note:  Mat Twassel has recently posted a message in which he briefly
discussed my Top Stories List for 1996.  He then listed and commented on
what HE considered to the best stories of the year.  I wish more of you
would do that.  I know it's hard to find the time, but we get lots of good
stories for free from the people who write stories for this newsgroup. 
Authors appreciate hearing from the audience from time to time.  There was
considerable overlap between the stories Mat and I liked, but there were
also differences.  Diversity of opinions and intelligent discussion can
only help make this a better newsgroup.  If you have time, why not just
write and post a paragraph on the best story (or several stories) you read
last year?  My advice is to post it on BOTH a.s.s. and a.s.s.d.  Such
comments belong on a.s.s.d., but the noise ratio is so incredibly loud
over there that legitimate posts often go unnoticed.

- Celeste

    *  "Forever" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
    * "Forest" by Uther Pendragon (romance & outdoor sex)
            10, 10, 10
      "Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (romance & outdoor sex) 
            10, 10, 10 
    * "Forestalling" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
            10, 10, 10
    * "For Him" by Uther Pendragon (romance & mild bdsm)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
            10, 10, 10
    * "For These Gifts" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10,10, 10
    * "For Now" by Uther Pendragon (adolescence & romance)
            10, 10, 10
      "Ireland Adventure" by Aaron Hall (skie@lex.infi.net )
     * "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril" by S. Sneakly (cartoon
            parody) 6, 10, 10

* =  Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been 
      reposted.


* "Forever" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  This is the story of a
man and a woman getting to know each other on that rarest of all events on
a.s.s. - the wedding night between a husband and wife who have not yet
copulated. I went through this initiation rite myself. This story
describes how my husband and I expected our own wedding night to be, but
our actual experience was a lot funnier than this one.  I'd tell you about
it; but you had to be there to really enjoy it.  This is a well-written,
sentimental story by a new author.  I hope he writes many more stories. 
Any author named after the father of King Arthur can't be all bad. 
{Incidentally, it was Uther Pendragon - not his son Arthur - who
established the Round Table on Merlin's advice. Uther later found his true
heir (Arthur) through the ole sword-in-the-stone test.}

Ratings for "Forever"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
* "Forest" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette have
gone off for several days of hiking on their honeymoon.  Although he loves
Jeanette deeply, Bob feels that there is a gap in their relationship that
needs to be bridged; and he formulates a plan to close that gap the next
night, when they stay at a hotel instead of in a tent.  They'll have more
room there.  But alas, things get very hot and tender ahead of schedule. 
This is a very good story.  I originally criticized this story for not
quite flowing naturally; but this author has the good habit of revising
his stories, and it now reads quite well.  What this author manages to do
quite well is convince us that people can be very concerned about each
other's feelings and still (i.e., therefore) be very sexy people.

Ratings for "Forest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  The main reason I like
these stories in the Bob and Jeanette Brennan series is that I have gone
through many similar experiences myself.  By this I mean that my husband
and I share a relationship based on exchange of ideas as well as of body
fluids.  I can easily understand Jeanette's feelings when the author says,
"Intercourse might not always give her a climax, but it always gave her
evidence of Bob's passion for her."  The two partners BOTH grow
emotionally as these stories progress, and my enjoyment arises as much
from watching their personal growth as from the rather hot sex they
experience.  The intelligent banter and concern for the feelings of each
other continue to be a strength of this series of stories.

Here we are on night eleven of their honeymoon.  The title refers both to
the weather prediction (rain till 10:00) and to the predictable but
wonderful pattern of what Jeanette and Bob will share together in the
tent.  Part of my enjoyment of this story arises from the fact that I HAVE
made love in a tent during a thunderstorm; and if one is careful, it can
be even better than Bob and Jeanette found it to be.

The following sentence probably begins with a grammatical error: "The
athlete of the couple, she often forgot Bob's strength."  I say
"probably," because the grammar means that Jeanette is the athlete.  The
context in which the sentence occurs suggests Bob is the jock.  I think
the author meant to say, "Even though Bob was the athlete of the couple,
she often forgot his strength."  Even Homer nods.  Or - as Yogi Berra
would have it - even Nod homers.

Ratings for "Forecast"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Forestalling" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Taken alone, this
story is written without a frame of reference.  It's as if the reader is
listening to what a couple is saying through a hidden microphone and has
to guess at what they are doing.  It's an interesting approach, and the
author carries it off effectively.  Taken in the context of the Bob and
Jeanette series, we can understand these activities as part of the
continual growth of the couple as a couple.

Bob and Jeanette have been using condoms during lovemaking, which they
have found to be necessary but less than satisfactory. The woman has just
recently seen her gynecologist and is equipped with a diaphragm and
spermicide, and this evening they will make love for the first time
without a latex intermediary.  The banter between the lovers is excellent;
and although the actual sexual activity is not described in the exhaustive
detail that we see in some other stories, we know that  the experience has
been quite satisfying.

Ratings for "Forestalling"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Bob and Jeanette are
newlyweds.  They had refrained from sex with each other until after
marriage.  Bob is willing to remain committed to just this one wonderful
woman for his whole life, but sex is very important to him; and he knows
that Jeanette does not share his enthusiasm. Bob has suggested one night a
week for experiments, or "games."  Jeanette has agreed on the condition
that she can choose half the games.  Bob has agreed; and her first
suggestion was the game called "missionary position." Hence Bob's concern
about his sexual future.

Therefore, for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful
for his wife that she will crave sex even more than he does.  This story
describes a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal treatment. 
The sex is very tender and passionate, and the descriptions are vivid. The
author shifts perspectives to convey the conflicting or complementary
emotions of both people. 

This is a revision of an initial version of this story.  I criticized the
prose in the original story as too workmanlike.  I said I would have liked
to have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights.  The revised version
is a marvelous improvement; it exudes exuberance that simply was not
present in the earlier version.  I would like to think that my suggestions
prompted this improvement; but more likely the author got lucky or got
religion and the new worldview led to the improvements. 

This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the description of
"conventional" sex from a highly romantic perspective.  A lot of readers
will recognize themselves in this story (if they are lucky), and a lot of
others will wish they had had a sexual tutor similar to this husband.

Ratings for "Foreplay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "For Him" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  The man and woman
don't have a lot of money, since he is a college student and she is
holding down a job to help keep him that way.  So they usually make each
other presents.  This year she asks what he would like for his birthday,
and he suggests that she be his sex slave for a day.  She agrees; and she
enjoys the experience even more than he does.

Some bdsm enthusiasts may find this story objectionable.  That's because
the participants say they are practicing sex slavery, but they don't do
the things that bdsm lovers usually do.  On the other hand, maybe some
bdsm enthusiasts will like this story.  I assume they can be broadminded
enough to accept the notion that people can be dominant and submissive in
completely "unorthodox" ways that border on really friendly sexual
activity.

As an incurable romantic with an insatiable sex drive, I loved this story.
 I like it when a sexy story makes me laugh, and this one accomplished
that with lines like this, from the master to the slave:

    "Jeanette, if you were to escape into another state, is that state
required to return you to me?"
    "Mr. Calhoun says 'yes.'  Mr. Lincoln says 'no.'"

That's not true, of course. Lincoln never attacked the fugitive slave
laws. He specifically endorsed them in Congress and after being elected
President.  Well, anyway - it was funny in the context.

The story displays a large amount of inside humor, when the lovers talk
about their past experiences and about what they have been reading.  For
example, not all readers will catch the connection between Juneteenth and
the plot of this story, and I'm certainly not going to tell you.  But even
if I didn't fully understand all the allusions, I thoroughly enjoyed the
fondness and bantering between two people who were obviously in love.

* "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Maybe this has been
obvious to the rest of you all along; but I just recently realized that
all of these stories by this author that begin with "For..." are about a
married couple named Bob and Jeanette Brennan.  I have been evaluating
them as isolated stories - which is OK, I suppose, since the author has
been posting them as isolated stories.  However, as I look back over them,
it becomes obvious to me that the whole is better than the sum of the
parts.  That is, the stories are more enjoyable if you read them in the
context of one another.

In this one Bob and Jeanette are experimenting with new sexual positions. 
While doing so, they playfully review some of their former escapades.  I
love this kind of banter!  I also love this kind of playfulness among old,
married people.

By the way, if you really want to do it standing up, try it against the
refrigerator.  But remove the magnets first, unless you want to be
disturbed by falling notes or want to explain why the colors have run
together in the kindergarten pictures drawn by your children.

Ratings for "Forthright"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "For These Gifts" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  It's
Thanksgiving break at Bob and Jeanette Brennan's house, and it's time for
games.  These "games" are choices of sexual behavior, new positions on the
days when he chooses, mostly old ones when she makes the choice. In fact,
she called her first game "Missionary."  Tonight she has a genuine need
for Bob to "be gentle"; and so they play Cherish, which is actually a
variation of Missionary.  Compared to some of the scenarios we see in this
newsgroup, this sexual activity is no big thing - but a very nice no big
thing.

For Bob's turn they make love sitting down - and standing up.

Between the two games, this story even includes a prayer - in fact, the
title refers to the prayer that people often say on Thanksgiving, when
they give thanks for the gifts they have received during the past year.

What I like about this series of stories is that the lovers are
intelligent but ordinary people.  Bob is going to school (majoring in
history) and Jeanette is working full time to make Bob's academic career
possible.  They are looking forward to a happy future, but they are also
trying to enjoy a happy present.  They sometimes have riotous sex, but
it's in the perspective of a full life. 

Another way to say this is that a typical episode in this series is like
three or four Dulcinea stories cohesively joined together.

Ratings for "For These Gifts"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "For Now" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  It was almost exactly
six months ago that I reviewed "Forever," the first story in the Bob and
Jeanette Brennan saga.  I astutely said it was a good story, expressed a
wish that the author would post more stories, and rated it 9.5, 9, 10.  I
was also pleased as punch that I had recognized Uther Pendragon as the
name of the king who established the Round Table on Merlin's advice and
who subsequently found his true heir (King Arthur) through the ole
sword-in-the-stone test.

Since that time, this author has not only reposted a revised version of
that story - cleaning up the imperfections and earning a 10, 10, 10
rating; he has also posted six more stories in this series, in addition to
a half dozen unrelated stories.  At the present time I am going to say
that this is the best story in the series; but I think that may be
comparable to my daughter's annual statement that "This is my best
birthday ever!" which is invariably followed a few months later by "This
is the best Christmas ever!"  What I mean is that each successive story
(a) is excellent itself and (b) makes the whole series better.  As I read
this story I saw Bob and Jeanette in a completely new setting, and I
learned things about them that made sense, but which I had not thought
about before.

The present story is only indirectly about Bob and Jeanette.  It's told
through the eyes of Bob's sister, Vi, a bright 16-year-old who wants to be
a psychoanalyst some day but who is at the present time overwhelmed with
her own problems with her boyfriend.  The sexual activity is equally
indirect: we infer only what we can learn from Vi's descriptions of Bob
and Jeanette, while she listens in the room next door while her hot
brother and sister-in-law go at it in his old bedroom.

This is an excellent Christmas story.  I loved "The Gathering" episode of
the Waltons, and this is the sexually explicit version of it - except, of
course, that the Brennans are a smaller family and that Bob is Bob's first
name rather than the ubiquitous Walton middle name.  The interpersonal and
family relationships ring true in this story; and even the non-sexual
details contribute to the sexuality that Vi observes in Bob and Jeanette. 
If this author does not have a degree in psychology, I hereby bestow an
honorary degree upon him.

If you have not read the previous stories in this series, do a favor for
yourself or a loved one this Christmas.  Log onto DejaNews on the Web
(www.dejanews.com) and punch in the search words "alt.sex.stories
pendragon."  Download all the stories you find there.  The ones that begin
with "For" are the Bob and Jeanette stories. They'll give you a warm
feeling on a cold winter's night.

Ratings for "For Now"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Ireland Adventure" by Aaron Hall (skie@lex.infi.net ).  The man is
visiting an Irish castle when he is enticed into a time warp to save a
beautiful princess.  He gets a map and a magic sword from the blacksmith. 
{However, unknown to the author, maps at this time were "oriented" with
the east at the top.  The guy would have been thoroughly confused. 
Fortunately, when he went to fuck the princess, he would still orient her
the same way he would in 1997.  I learned (or inferred) all this from my
Merriam/Webster word for the day on AOL.}  Then he goes about the
countryside as a sort of knight errant, doing good to all the lasses he
meets - almost exclusively very young lasses with very tight asses. He
saves the princess, who becomes queen, and lives happily ever after with
her.  'Tis a lengthy but simple story.

Ratings for "Ireland Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril" by S. Sneakly
(an571192@anon.penet.fi).  {This is a slightly modified repost of a
previously posted story}.  I have concluded that it is impossible during a
single lifetime to have great sex at least five times a week during one's
entire adult life, to read and understand all the Great Books, and to
watch all the great cartoons on American television.  I myself have failed
to various degrees in meeting these lofty standards that I once set for
myself during a metaphorical private orgy of New Year's resolutions.  I
could never really get excited about either Thoreau or Kant, and I cannot
remember watching even a single episode of Penelope Pitstop.  However,
after reading this story, it occurs to me that maybe I have missed
something in my life.

As I understand it, the author of this treatise spent a great part of his
younger years watching 'The Adventures of Penelope Pitstop" on television.
 Apparently the villain in this series (Sylvester Sneekley who turns into
the Hooded Claw) routinely tormented the lovely Ms. Pitstop in various
interesting ways, and as the author graduated to adolescence and then
(possibly) to adulthood, it became obvious to him that the scenes that had
initially appealed to him as exciting but childish adventures were
actually fraught with sexual potential and symbolism.  And so, in an
attempt to get his sex life back in order, the author has written an
episode of that cartoon that tells it like it really should have been
told.

I need not relate the specifics.  Suffice it to say that the villain
masturbates while incubating his plan, then captures Penelope, then has
sex with her, then describes to her in detail how she will be killed by an
ingenious Rube Goldberg device that Wylie Coyote would admire, then goes
to a convenient spot to masturbate and tries to time his orgasm to occur
at the moment of Penelope's excruciatingly painful but artistic demise
when the ore hopper will drop her onto the conveyer to the giant rock
crusher where the monster machine will munch her little muff to end this
meaty melodrama.

Actually, my ignorance of this story is perhaps excusable.  The original
cartoon appears to be of British, not American origin.  The villain rides
a "lift" and has a "boot" in his car in which he carries his tools and
would like to carry off the oddly named Penelope, who is referred to as
"perky," an adjective normally applied only to the breasts of American
women but to the whole persona of their British counterparts.

This story is extremely creative.  It follows my rules for a good sexual
parody: it retains the key ideas of the original cartoon series and
inserts sex in a natural way in order to make the story really fun.  The
main problem is that the grammar is very bad; but most readers will be
willing to excuse this shortcoming.  In addition, the language connoisseur
will find some simple but interesting usage mistakes that make the story
even more fun:  the grand finally (finale) occurs while Penelope is in the
throws (throes) of orgasm, all be it (albeit) nearly naked.  Furthermore,
from a cunning linguistic point of view, the absorbing and attractive
alliterations nearly make up for the bad grammar, as (for example) when
the villain directs his deadly dick toward the delicious denouement of the
dastardly deed of penetrating the pink partitions of poor Penelope
Pitstop's pulchritudinous pussy.

Ratings for "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril"
Athena (technical quality):6
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10