Path: newsfeed.direct.ca!op.net!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!newspump.sol.net!spool.mu.edu!howland.erols.net!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey01.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: celeste801@aol.com Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories Subject: Celestial Reviews 138 - Nov 27 (1/2) Date: 27 Nov 1996 18:56:39 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 404 Message-ID: <19961127185800.NAA02018@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Status: N Celestial Reviews 138 - Nov 27, 1996 (1/2) Note: The authors of these stories receive no compensation for their work. If you like a story, please consider taking a few minutes to write a brief message to the author. We have had an extraordinary burst of good stories this month, and I think we would all like to see this excellent writing continue. - Celeste "Make ****** Fast" by Delta (sexual satire) 10, 10, 10 "Those Ex-Wife Blues" by J. Boswell (ex-wife watching) 10, 10, 10 "B is for Belt" by Dulcinea (light bondage) 10, 10, 10 "Short 8.0" by Wiley (rape) 10, 10, 10 "The Reward" by Bill Green (mind control) 10, 10, 10 "Married with Children" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 8, 8 "Olsen Twins: Deadly Call" by Jazz411 (vicious murder & tickling) 6, 4, 3 "Alyssa's Song" by The Rebel (romantic encounter) 8, 8, 8 "Happening" by Vickie Tern (complex femdom) 10, 10, 10 "Slitfest" by Denise Q. (all ff orgy) 10, 8, 8 "Donny and Andrea" by Diane Morgan (No rating) "The Black Knight: An Erotic Adventure" by Alan Barclay (chivalry, bdsm & humor) 10, 10, 10 * "Spring" by deirdre (hypnotism) 10, 10, 10 * "Stars" by Deirdre (ff adolescent attraction) 10, 9, 9 * "Storm" by Deirdre (anal sex & sex slavery) 10, 10, 10 * "Summer" by Deirdre (domination & bondage) 10, 9, 9 * "Surprise" by Deirdre (bondage & anal sex) 10, 10, 10 * "Swap" by Deirdre (swinging) 10, 8, 7 * "Sweet" by Deirdre (anal sex & domination) 10, 9, 9 * "Tape" by Deirdre (blackmail & anal sex) 10, 8, 8 * "Teacher" by Deirdre (exhibitionism) 10, 9, 9 * "Tech" by Deirdre (dirty doctors & nurses) 10, 6, 6 * "Temp" by Deirdre (ff fantasies) 10, 8, 8 * "Trial" by Deirdre (dominance) 10, 10, 10 * "Trip" by Deirdre (threesomes & wife swapping) 10, 10, 10 * "Try" by Deirdre (anal sex) 10, 9, 9 * Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been reposted). "Make ****** Fast" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca). In these reviews I have occasionally expressed my bemused bewilderment over the chain letters that I sometimes receive via e-mail. One of my speculations has been about the meaning of the statement "this letter has been around the world five times." Is five times good or bad for e-mail? And how do they know which direction the mail went in the first place, and what constitutes a circumnavigation of the globe? Delta has taken a more detailed, satirical approach in her reaction to chain spam. The ****** in the title stands for what it usually stands for on the net, only it's usually spelled ****. Delta's story is based on the premise that one can send one's lover to the top name in the left column or whatever those letters require. Sounds like fun, you may think; but as the story will show, there could be some negative repercussions. By the way, I have never given an Orion rating of 10 to anyone. Ratings for "Make ****** Fast" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Those Ex-Wife Blues" by J. Boswell. The night their divorce became final, Cindy and Jake went out to dinner and, afterwards, made sweet, slow, sad love for the last time. Years later, Cindy eventually marries a rich guy and becomes a socialite and calls to pick up a few things from her ex's attic. When she offers a friendly come-on - "Is there anything I can do to make this worthwhile for you?" - Jake replies, "Sure. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned in a long time." So she cleans the bathroom for him; but she dresses for the part and re-enacts one of her favorite submissive roles with him while she does the job. Well, Jake likes it, and so does Cindy; and she finds herself with a new part-time job every Saturday. At this point, I said to myself, "I thought this was a Boswell story." Sure enough. Jake has to tell Cindy that they'll have to skip a week for a March Madness party. Well, to put it briefly the guys are impressed - I mean, she gives Jake a whole new home theater for the occasion. But she also poses as the caterer's helper who needs a quick fifty bucks from each of the guys.... This is pretty hot stuff. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Ratings for "Those Ex-Wife Blues" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "B is for Belt" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Good grief! There must be a gazillion of these things! Short stories in which people who are in love flirt outrageously with one another and then pleasantly fuck each other's brains out! I really enjoy Dulcinea's stories, and I have decided to read and review them all. But I just discovered another hooker's dozen in the postings today! It's like Sherwood Anderson with a zest for life! Or Deirdre with multiple-word titles! How much (m/f, rom, cons) can even Celeste take? Well, as someone said, "There are worse hobbies than windmill jousting... To every man his Dulcinea!" In this story the woman is teasing her husband while he works, but he quickly turns the tables on her. He ties her with a belt and has his way with her. This is a very brief but very sexy story. Ratings for "B is for Belt" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Short 8.0" by Wiley (wiley06@nym.alias.net). The woman is running though the woods when she is thrown to the ground and raped. I get a little upset sometimes at these stories that suggest that women generally enjoy being raped. As I read the story, however, I had to grudgingly admit that it was at least a good description of the events and emotions as the rapist would perceive them. However, by the end of the story Wiley had convinced me that it was reasonable to believe that a woman could take pleasure in these activities as well. This is a very short but vivid and well-written story. However, there is no such thing as a "taunt" body. The author meant "taut." Ratings for "Short 8.0" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Reward" by Bill Green (wgreen@netcom.com). I usually prefer to wait until multi-chapter stories are finished before posting my review. This author asked for a review now rather than later. Since this is an excellent story, the author deserves a Reward; and so here is the review. Until now, my favorite mind control story was Backrub's "Wet Dreams," which I ranked as the Number 43 story of 1995. This story is even better. To be honest, I HAVE enjoyed other mind control stories, but in the back of my mind I always get the feeling that they are simplistic. That is, they suggest that a college sophomore can read a book on hypnosis and thereafter have his way with any woman he wants. This one is different; it is genuine science fiction. The Power goes beyond mind control; the explanation for the power sounds like it's based on an esoteric application of quantum physics. The beginning of the story delineates the rules that the recipient of the power must follow. The results are delightful! The hero accidentally releases from captivity a mysterious being and is rewarded by the Power to control thoughts and actions within a restricted range. He initially tries the Reward out on his spoiled-brat step-sister with remarkable success. Then he tries it out with a traveling companion during a two-hour plane flight. As he uses his power, he learns about his Reward and modifies his guidelines for using it. I can't wait to see the next chapters! I suspect that the author is a person with some background in computer programs. His instructions to the Power appear to be mini-scripts containing commands that typically might become computer programs in a language like C++. However, this is not C++. It's easily an A. My only problem with this story (and it's not a significant one) is that the narrator's fantasies often do not correspond with my own. All that means, however, is that if you get off on the idea of fantasizing about a woman with basketball-size breasts dressed only in corset and a set of leather boots with six-inch stiletto heals, you'll probably enjoy the story even more than I did. Ratings for "The Reward" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Married with Children" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). It's Bud's birthday, and he has decided to take care of his own presents this year. To make a long story short, he tricks his sister and eventually his mother into having sex with him by making them think they are helping him with his magic tricks. This is not a bad story, but it's not up to some of the brilliant stuff Uncle Mike has written in the past. Although the present story is closer to perfect stylistically and grammatically, I thought the "Married with Children" story posted a month ago by King Pach (reviewed in CR 128) was a much more interesting episode. Ratings for "Married with Children" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Olsen Twins: Deadly Call" by Jazz411 (x@super.x). Let me explain this to you carefully. The Olsen twins are staying home alone. The story doesn't say how old they are, but from their actions I'll guess 10 or 11. They make some prank phone calls. The second call is to the house of a young woman who is just that very second being killed by a homicidal maniac. This villain traces their call and comes to their house, where he binds them securely and tickles them. That's right, he tickles them. Then he gets ready to kill them with his big ole knife, but instead he sticks it into the floor and goes away. One of the girls gets free, and she tickles her sister. Then she releases her sister, and they both go to bed, hoping that they don't have nightmares. If this is the work of a 10-year-old author, it's actually pretty good - naive, but good. Presumably that author might have submitted it to this newsgroup because he/she has no clear concept of what sex is. If this is written by an adult writer, there's plenty of room for improvement. Like having a plot and following rules of logic and grammar. Maybe this is satire, and I just missed the point. Perhaps the author is suggesting in a subtle way that the silly activities in which these characters engage are just as sensible as some of the other things characters do in other stories. I just don't get it. Ratings for "Olsen Twins: Deadly Call" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3 "Alyssa's Song" by The Rebel (smoot2@ix.netcom.com). Eric has corresponded and chatted with Alyssa via Internet, and now he has traveled to meet her at a party organized by the people who operate the chat room. She invites him to meet her privately in her hotel room rather than in the more crowded party room. Eric is impressed by the fact that she is not wearing shoes, but her toenails are painted the same color as her bra. I'll have to think about that and let it sink in for a moment. We also learn that Eric habitually violates the Latin dictum "semper ubi sub ubi". The author sounds like a person who really wants to improve his writing, and so I'm going to make some detailed suggestions here. In doing this I do not mean to give the impression that this is an especially bad story. It's already a decent story, but it could become much better. It's also the sort of story that can serve as a good lesson for other authors. Remember: there are several stories in this very issue of CR that received lower ratings than this one. The story could be improved by more thorough proofreading. For example, key words are occasionally omitted {For example, the word "part" has mysteriously been replaced by a blank space on several occasions.}; and outside the Appalachian regions of the southern United States "of" does not follow "inside" in phrases like "inside her pussy." Sentences like the following should be repaired: "Taking a few more licks at her wet pussy, rose up, pulled her head back by her hair and kissed him, her own juices fresh on her lips." The author has a vivid picture in mind; he has simply failed to communicate it to us as clearly as it exists in his own imagination. The grammar errors are part of the reason, but word choice and sentence style also present obstacles. There's a line in "Paradise Lost" that literary critics consider to be the worst line in all of poetry: "He viewed the dismal situation." It's hard to put a finger on what's wrong with that line - in fact, the situation was about as dismal as it could get; but the experts agree that the line pretty much sucks. While The Rebel certainly writes better than Milton, his prose has a similar problem. Look at the following passage: Eric's thrusting began to increase as well, and pretty soon, they were both moaning and panting and thrusting at one another. Eric reached down and replaced her hands with his own briefly, when she asked him to get up so she could lay on her back. There's a problem with the commas, and "lay" should be "lie"; but I think the main difficulty is that prose is too workmanlike. It should convey a greater intensity - more emotion - a feeling of what's really going on in the minds and bodies of the participants. I refuse to fall into the trap of telling you exactly what the author SHOULD say, because then you could jump all over me. But I encourage you to take a shot at it; how would you express those lines? I think I would focus on Eric rather than on his thrusting: "Eric increased his own intensity" or "Eric countered Alyssa's love sounds with an increase in his own intensity" or "by plowing more deeply into her furrow." Actually, I have no idea what to say; it's not my story, and I don't know these people as well as the author does. I just think the prose could be improved by giving it more spark. My best advice to this author (and to others like him) is to look at the writings of other outstanding authors and to try to see what makes their writing so good. Two writers who are noteworthy for their excellent choice of words are Mark Aster and Mary Anne Mohanraj. Finally, I would suggest improving the plot by putting a little more tension into it. Plots are more interesting when the reader is occasionally surprised by what happens. The author should have an "angle." In this case, the title expresses the "angle"- the lovemaking is like a song. The author tries to incorporate this theme, but he needs to improve that focus without hitting us over the head with it. I know I'm going to offend someone with the following suggestions, but here are some authors worth imitating for specific purposes: In addition to Mark and Mary Anne, the Mark who writes the Alphabet Stories is a genius at word choice. You may enjoy their stories because they make you horny; I enjoy them because I marvel at their word choice - which, of course, is what makes English teachers horny. If you're looking for help on plot development, Ann Douglas, SueNH, Friar Dave, and Javahead are great at developing detailed plots that include really hot sex at just the right times. Some of these people have what I think are imitators - I think Tom in Sacramento writes just like SueNH. Stephanie is capable of building incredibly creative transgender plots around almost any topic. Dirty Dawg specializes in guys who see the light and correct mistakes in their former love lives. Delta builds fascinating plots around normal people with a touch of kinkiness; actually, Delta writes very well about almost anything. The Ng Sisters (Deidre and Tammy) are noteworthy for the simple exuberance of their stories. Vickie Tern is superb at making a simple situation incredibly complex and then making it all make sense again in the end. Estragon does a wonderful job of integrating feminist philosophy into interesting story lines. Uther Pendragon is a master of intelligent bantering between people who are in love. Shelby Bush and Uncle Mike write outstanding parodies of movies and sitcoms. Deirdre is the mistress of what I'll call terse irony. You figure out what that means! Dulcinea's stories are as short and to the point as Deirdre's, but invariably with an uplifting twist that makes me wish I had been there. My point is not to offer a litany of praise to the great writers on a.s.s. This has been only a partial list, and many of these writers display expertise in areas other than those I have cited. My point is that authors can improve their writing tremendously by the simple expedient of pausing to think what it is that makes a favorite writer so enjoyable. I also want to remind you that I offer a free proofreading service. I have the names and addresses of a large number of friendly people (many of them authors on this newsgroup) who are willing to proofread stories before they go to press. It is a loosely organized service, and sometimes it doesn't work. But most people who have tried it have found it to be profitable. If you want help with your stories let me know; and also contact me if you are willing to proofread for someone else. Ratings for "Alyssa's Song" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Happening" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). The author sent me a note with this one that said that this story was to have been very short - like one of Deirdre's stories. But the characters outwitted her, even as they outwitted each other and the plot outwitted them; and it took time and space for her to head them off, haul them back, and make them behave. I used my word count; that's 80,278 characters - as in 18,361 words! If you ever become trapped as a character in a Vickie Tern story, here's my advice to you: if you want to maintain your personal autonomy and gender identity, do not be unfaithful to your spouse under the impression that he/she will not know. Not only will he/she know, he/she is probably engineering it; and very soon he/she will be the proper pronoun to refer to you. Oh! and also be especially skeptical if you are male and the female participant values your sexual activities but does not appear to consider your penis to be an integral part of your amorous interactions with her. And if there is more than one female in the story, be very careful - you may be wrong about who is really in charge of your life. Your best bet is to find a kindly priest, minister, or rabbi and follow the conservative moral advice given to you by that counselor. On the other hand, if personal autonomy and gender identity are not high on your list of priorities, go with the flow; it might be fun. Ignoring my initial advice, the hero (for lack of a better word) of this story plunges into a romantic liaison with his sexy neighbor, who lets him lick her pussy and insert his earnest ejaculations into her asshole, provided he licks out the untidy remnants. What begins as a simple fling soon becomes something much more complex. You see, the neighbor has a husband with one of those monster cocks, and this husband has been boinking the hero's wife into heavenly bliss for the past several months. As part of a revenge/love theme, our hero becomes a woman, so that he/she can suitably serve all three of the others - to the happiness of all four, of course. The plan assumes that some characters will misconceive some other people's reasons, get them wrong, act accordingly, and then do the right thing, while thinking they were doing something else. This probably makes no sense whatsoever, unless you read the story. I know a lot of readers think TG stories are just plain weird. Some may be, but I have found the ones that have been sent to me for review to be exceptionally creative. This one is no exception. To be honest, I did not find this story to be sexy in the sense of a turn-on, but I did find it to be extremely erotic in the sense of blending sex into a creative plot that actually did make a lot of sense and really did speak intelligently about human nature. This is one of this author's better stories! Ratings for "Happening" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Slitfest" by Denise Q. The jealous boyfriend has gone out of the country on a prolonged business trip. He calls every night to verify that his girlfriend has not been with any other men. She truthfully says that she has not violated their agreement, because she has been spending her time with several other women! The sex is detailed and explicit and sometimes very hot. The only problem I found with the story was that sometimes the timing or sequencing of events was a bit off. Ratings for "Slitfest" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 (Continued in 2/2) Path: newsfeed.direct.ca!news.wildstar.net!news.ecn.uoknor.edu!feed1.news.erols.com!howland.erols.net!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey01.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: celeste801@aol.com Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories Subject: Celestial Reviews 138 - Nov 27 (2/2) Date: 27 Nov 1996 19:00:14 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 344 Message-ID: <19961127190200.OAA02082@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Status: N Celestial Reviews 138 - Nov 27, 1996 (2/2) (Continued from 1/2) "Donny and Andrea" by Diane Morgan. This is the sort of story that bugs me. It was posted by the THC service. It's the very beginning of an apparently well written story, but it stops after about 70 lines and says "To be continued." The THC service posted only this one part; and for all we know Diane Morgan may have gotten religion and never finished the story, finished it with a really great ending, or who knows what? Why do people post obviously incomplete stories? Beats me. (No rating) "The Black Knight: An Erotic Adventure" by Alan Barclay (editor@spellbinder.bc.ca). Sir Englebert the Ungainly is in the midst of a rather hectic adventure when he comes upon a naked woman - I mean fair maiden - tied to a stake. The young lady is the nearby village's offering to one of the great beasts of the forest to persuade that monster to spare their homes from destruction. If the dragon devours her, he cannot then in good conscience attack the village. It was a sensible thing for the villagers to do, and the good knight very nearly rides on by. But there's something about the fragile beauty of a damsel in distress with her naked body dangling like a misplaced modifier from a stake so that her breasts.... This is the sort of story that really upsets me! It includes a focus on sex slavery and a large amount of spanking - but that's not what upsets me. After all, this is a story about chivalry, and chivalry has specific Rules. For example, a chivalrous person must always open doors for lady of rank equal to or higher than his own, allow an opponent to be armed before he lops off his head or blows his brains out, and accept sex slaves when they are assigned to him and treat them as their status deserves. No, that's not what bothers me. What upsets me is that at the time I am reading this story, I already have TWENTY-ONE stories on my Top 15 List for this month; and here I am reading number TWENTY-TWO! In today's mail I received the "J" story from Mark who does the Alphabet series. I'm going to wait until December 4 to review it. I can't stand any more really excellent stories this month! The only significant problem with the story was this sentence: "I told her that I labored under a curse; that I could not enjoy a woman who was well and recently spanked." Actually, the opposite was true: he could not enjoy a woman UNLESS she was well and recently spanked. It's a big difference, but I figured the curse correctly from the context. Since the story was otherwise so good, I decided to forgive this one sin. Anyway, this is a really excellent story. I don't want to ruin it for you, but I'll advise you that it's meant to be funny. Thomas Mallory and Alfred Tennyson may have taken knighthood seriously, but more recent authors have discovered that knights were really funny people. This story was presented by Lust So Stories. Since it was a good one, I might was well cite their web page: http://spellbinder.bc.ca/lss/ Ratings for "The Black Knight" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Spring" by deirdre . This is a story about a college girl who learns about hypnotism, and suddenly the people around her find themselves doing things that they cannot control. You know, yesterday after I read this story, I spent three hours reading a.s.s. stories, when I should have been doing something else. You don't think.... No, hypnotism can't be done across the Internet - or can it? Why does Deirdre always get such high ratings from me? Why do I get this warm feeling in my... Ratings for "Spring" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Stars" by Deirdre. The high school girl has to wait around for her friend at a party where everyone is pairing off - er, grouping off - for sexual fun and games. She is shocked to see one of her favorite female teachers from the high school having a good time at the party. Eventually she gets drafted to drive the teacher home; and then the teacher makes a pass at her. The girl passes on the pass - and wonders what might have been. But wait! It's the ole story-within-a-story trick! The tale I just summarized is actually a short story written by a young high school girl who has a crush on her female English teacher; and she has just shown the story to the teacher; and she's hoping that her feelings will be reciprocated. This was a creative story. My only problem is that I could not figure out why it was entitled "Stars." I ran a search for "star" in the story, and I found that the word appeared five times embedded in the word "start" and four times as part of "stare." It also appeared twice as in starlight; so I guess that's the significance of the title. Maybe the title was a decoy: "Story" would have been a giveaway; and "Teacher" was already the name of another Deirdre story. Ignore the title; just check this one out! This story also specifically raises the question whether everybody's a little bit bisexual; but after the reaction I got last time I raised that question, I'm not going to touch that one with a 10-foot dildo! Ratings for "Stars" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Storm" by Deirdre. "Janet was very particular to warn me to do my best to make Stacy feel at home." With these words in the second paragraph the author gives away the basic plot of the story. My theory is that Stacy, whom the wife remembers as something of a frump and extremely shy around men, will be a conniving, horny dominatrix who will get the narrator to have relatively non-traditional sex with her. Either that or (more likely) Stacy will seduce Janet while hubby looks on. First, let me admit that I was wrong. Second, let me point out that I think Deidre wrote the following lines with no pun intended: "OK," Janet finally said to me, "do her ass!" "Honey!" I managed to ejaculate. I say no double meaning was intended, because the guy obviously did not cum at this time. In spite of this faux pas, this is an excellent story. From a psychological perspective, however, I'm not sure most women would be as grateful as Stacy was for getting over her fear of thunderstorms. Ratings for "Storm" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Summer" by Deirdre. The substitute gym teacher tells the young narrator to come to her office later in the afternoon. He does so, and he is instructed to fuck his beautiful English teacher while the gym teacher corrects papers. Eventually, however, hubris takes over and he and one of the cheerleaders (whom I forgot to tell you about) go too far and start fucking the English teacher at home during the summer without the gym teacher's permission. Therefore, they get punished. This story is somewhat unrealistic, because it suggests that adolescents think with their hormones and don't follow directions very well. Also, I object to the idea that it's OK to fuck one's English teacher if one gets the gym teacher's permission first; and who ever heard of a gym teacher correcting papers anyway? A surprising element of this story is that the English teacher's name is Ms. Sherwood. Coincidence? I think not! For the significance of this name, please refer to CR 54 or to any of the other places in which I discuss my theory that Deirdre is the reincarnation of Sherwood Anderson. This is another weird but excellent story by Deirdre. Ratings for "Summer" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Surprise" by Deirdre. The man and his wife make romantic love on the afternoon of their fifth anniversary. That evening they are visited by her old biker boyfriend, who ignores the woman and fucks the guy in the ass, while his wife proclaims her love for the biker. Naturally, this leads to an improvement in their sex life and to further experimentations with bondage. I'll admit this all sounds a little lame, but the contrast between the two halves makes this a very interesting story - even though it perpetuates the silly myth that bikers are typically something less than sensitive, poetic individualists. Ratings for "Surprise" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Swap" by Deirdre. The narrator and his wife become interested in the idea of swinging, and they spot a couple with whom they would like to switch spouses. After some brief preliminaries, the other couple agrees, but only under the conditions that the man and his wife first strip naked and do whatever they are told to do. This may sound fair; but if anyone ever makes this offer to you and your significant other, you should factor into your decision the possible consequences of becoming sex slaves. Ratings for "Swap" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 * "Sweet" by Deirdre. Two of her friends show up at the door, saying they are there to go swimming with the man's girlfriend. When he tells them that she'll not be home for an hour, they say they'll wait in the living room. When he goes to take his shower, he finds them both joining him. What does a good host do in this situation, and what does this have to do with the title of the story? Now, there's a creativity exercise for you! You probably think that he'll fuck both of the visitors plus his girlfriend in their asses within the next hour or so and that his girlfriend will leave him to move in with one of the visitors while the other continues to live with him. That's what happens, but you'll have to read the story to find out how it got that title. Ratings for "Sweet" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Tape" by Deirdre. As I approached this story my main uncertainty was whether the title referred to a videotape that would be used to blackmail the protagonists or to duct tape with which someone would be bound for the purpose of sexual exploitation and amusement. The story begins with a man drinking too much, flirting with another woman, and being caught in the act by his wife, who promptly leaves him. He begs and grovels. Soon he makes the fatal but inevitable promise in a Deirdre story: "I'll do anything if you'll come back." At this point, either type of tape was still a good possibility; but when the woman bound the guy with rope and gagged him with a rag, I knew a videotape was involved. I don't want to give away the ending; but I will say that I was basically right about the videotapes and blackmail, and there's a muscular guy and a lot of anal sex in this story. If you'll pardon the pun, everything works out all right in the end - I think. Ratings for "Tape" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 * "Teacher" by Deirdre. As I neared the midpoint of this story, I was more than a little irritated. This was too easy. I had easily guessed from the very start that when the sweet young narrator went to the office of the school nurse after school for a massage, the "ministrations" would become erotic. I was not at all surprised that a blindfold was involved, and at mid-story it was obvious to me that those hooks all over the place would play a role in bondage. The problem, of course, is that Deirdre is only a mediocre storyteller when the story contains only predictable events. But wait! The first half was only a setup for a completely different story line. All is right in the world. I wasn't even close in my prediction of the ending of this story. While reading "Teacher," I was hit by a possible story line for a great story. In it the typical Deirdre ending would be presented as the normal environment at the *beginning* of the story. Then normal, well-adjusted sex would be the ending. For example, a young girl would find a feeling of amazing sexual liberation in the fact that she visited her grandmother and the old lady gave her cookies and milk and talked to her about sports and schoolwork instead of blindfolding her and caressing her clitoris while forcing the girl to lick the cleaning lady's cunt. At any rate, even though this story describes events that would be extremely improbable in any school I know of outside of Clyde or Sulphur Springs, this was a thoroughly enjoyable story. Ratings for "Teacher" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Tech" by Deirdre. The "tech" is a medical technician, whose friend convinces her that they could get their kicks by having patients go a little further than necessary with regard to nudity and other sex-related activities. It turns out that her friend runs a bdsm service in her basement where people drop in to have their sexual fantasies fulfilled in a simulated medical environment. Even Deirdre nods, with this Freudian slip: "The poor man was so embarrassed, leaning over the table with Rose's gloved finger right in his rear. I felt for him." Puns are usually not part of Deirdre's repertoire. This story seemed to lack plot or coherence; it was just a series of quasi-sexual events chained together. Ratings for "Tech" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 * "Temp" by Deirdre. The narrator of this story is a woman who purports to be a non-lesbian who nonetheless often engages in lesbian fantasies. Actually, that's putting it mildly; she seems to be unable to look at another woman without thinking about what it would be like to kiss or fondle her. And so, one week there's a temp working in the office, who has a different attitude than the other women. What role will she play in our heroine's life and fantasies? Ratings for "Temp" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 * "Trial" by Deirdre. This story seemed so natural to me. Two Deirdre characters are chatting, and one says, "What's new in your life?" "Nothing much," comes the reply. "No, really. I want to know," responds the first. "OK. My husband and I have gotten into kinky sex. You should try it some time." The conversation seemed so ordinary and natural that I was hardly surprised in the next scene to find the narrator comfortably hidden in her friend's closet... Well, I guess you should read the story yourself to find out what happens. It's a really simple but bizarre story that leads the reader in some interesting directions. Ratings for "Trial" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Trip" by Deirdre . Something has gone awry in the Universe. As you may know, I have a theory that Deirdre is really Sherwood Anderson reincarnated. Now I discover that she's my husband!! Or perhaps Sherwood Anderson has bilocated while being reincarnated. All I know is that when I nudged my husband in the middle of the night a month or so ago and said, "Do you ever think of doing it with another woman?" he replied, "A nice thought, but you are all I want." Those very words appear in this story! I guess other possible explanations are that Deirdre has been sleeping with my husband, that Deirdre has a recording device in our bedroom, or that maybe millions of husbands and wives regularly recite this same dialogue; but the bilocative reincarnation is more in line with a Deirdre story. A major difference is that the fictitious Deirdre is more persistent than the real-life Celeste in bringing the threesome fantasy to fruition. Actually, Deirdre has another one of her surprise endings here; and I doubt that you'll guess it, even if you're looking for it. Ratings for "Trip" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Try" by Deirdre. Try. v. (1) to attempt; (2) to put to the test (as patience); (3) (law) to evaluate through a process of legal evidence; (4) (naut) to lie to under just sufficient sale against the wind; n. (5) (rugby) a play that scores three points; (6) (as in "old college...") a sincere effort. As the preceding excerpts from my dictionary show, there are several possible meanings for the title of this story. Before starting the story, I'm pretty sure the nautical definition will be irrelevant. I'll initially go with definition number 1, as in "try to get some ass" - in a fairly literal (anal) sense. Oh, wow! My guess is looking good. Deirdre's disclaimer concludes with, "This one is about a shy woman who has a secret desire for anal sex." If you think about it, though, definition 5 might have been more fun. After all, it takes leather balls to play rugby. Well, I was right about the anal part, but the meaning of the title is still ambiguous. A shy woman's friend asks her bluntly if she has ever TRIED anal sex. The woman says no, and so it becomes the friend's crusade to TRY to get her to TRY it with a dildo. The friend talks her into taking a dildo home with her, into reading a magazine with letters involving anal sex, and into visiting a video store with anal rentals. Eventually, the friend and her boyfriend make a house call, and they score - but I don't think the activity involved leather balls or three points. Ratings for "Try" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9