Path: newsfeed.direct.ca!news.wildstar.net!news.ecn.uoknor.edu!feed1.news.erols.com!howland.erols.net!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey01.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: celeste801@aol.com Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories Subject: Celestial Reviews 137 - Nov 23 (1/2) Date: 23 Nov 1996 16:16:08 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 446 Message-ID: <19961123161800.LAA26017@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Status: N Celestial Reviews 137 - Nov 23, 1996 (1/1) Note: I feel compelled to remind readers once in a while to consider sending a note to the author of a story you like. These people write these stories for no profit that I know of. They write for their own pleasure and for yours, and I know for certain that most of them like to get feedback from their readers. An occasional note from you can go a long way toward keeping the good stories coming . Second Note: Somebody has been posting an "alarm" that there's a detective lurking out there, looking for people in our newsgroup who are trying to molest innocent children. Here's my two-cents worth. If that's what the detective is really doing, then God bless him and his work! I read recently that a man imprisoned for sex crimes has been posting on the Internet detailed maps of where to find little girls to molest. That's what scares ordinary people (and even me, sometimes) about the Internet. Of course, if that pervert happens to correspond with a "little girl" that turns out to be a hostile policeman, he has no way of knowing that over the Internet; and so he stands a good chance of getting caught. So more power to the cop! If the detective is somehow violating our rights, on the other hand, I object. My presumption is that the police are required to treat sex crimes on the Internet the same way they do elsewhere. This means that they can arrest and harass only people who are committing crimes, not people who are reading or writing fantasies. I cannot imagine how the detective could bother anyone whose stories I have reviewed - unless the author is doing something more than simply posting stories. My hope is that while they're here, the detectives will manage to catch up on some interesting reading as well. - Celeste "While You Were Out" by Deidre Ng (night of passion) 10, 10, 10 "Watching" by Alan Mathews (emerging adolescence & romance) 10, 10, 10 "The (Fore)Skin Game" by J. Boswell (wife watching) 10, 8, 8 "Lunchtime!" by Dulcinea (quickie at the restaurant) 10, 10, 10 "The Party!" by Dulcinea (quickie at the party) 10, 10, 10 "Tina's Tale" by John Carter (sex slavery & humiliation) 9, 7, 4 "Goth'rotica" by Miss Lucy (spooky sex) 10, 10, 8 "A Night to Remember" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (college sex) 10, 8, 8 "The Demon on My Shoulder" by R. Stephen Redick (wartime sex) 10, 9, 9 "The Meeting" by Domn8me189 (bdsm) 6, 6, 4 "Who's the Boss" by Karl Bojahra (sitcom parody) 4, 4, 4 "An Evening At Home" by MountainTop (D&s) 10, 8, 4 "December Fantasy" by Mark Foster (quickie) 10, 10, 10 "Donna" by Unknown Author (masturbation) 10, 10, 10 * "Home Again" by Ann Douglas (romance) 10, 10, 10 * "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" by Ann Douglas (Celebrity sex in the American west) 9, 9, 9 * "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance) 10, 10, 10 * "Reception" by Deirdre (ff sex at the wedding reception) 10, 10, 10 * "Recommendation" by Deirdre (sex slavery & housekeeping) 10, 10, 10 * "Retreat" by Deirdre (dominance & submission) 10, 9, 9 * "Reward" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 8, 7 * "Rock" by Deirdre (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10 * "Romance" by Deirdre (ff attraction) 10, 7, 5 * "Roommate" by Deirdre (dominance & bondage) 10, 8, 8 * "Run" by deirdre (I can't describe it - humor!) 10, 9, 8 * "Seat" by Deirdre (new life in an old flame) 10, 10, 10 * "Secretary" by Deirdre (ff preterition) 10, 8, 7 * "Shop" by Deirdre (reluctant exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10 * "Show" by Deirdre (anal sex) 10, 8, 8 * "Sight" by Deirdre (voyeurism) 10, 8, 7 * "Sitter" by Deirdre (varieties of bdsm) 10, 8, 7 * "Slave" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 9, 9 * "Society" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 10, 10 * "Spa" by Deirdre (bondage & anal sex) 10, 9, 9 * Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been reposted). "While You Were Out" by Deidre Ng (Deidre Ng@aol.com). As you may have hear by now, the bureaucrats at AOL erased all of the stories from the Ng Sisters' web site. This is known in Catholic theology as a felix culpa. Culpa (fault or sin), because it was a lousy thing to do. Felix (happy), because the upshot is that Deidre is now reposting all of those stories, which means that those of you who have not yet seen the entire Ng opus will get your chance now. In her e-mail message notifying me of our Redemption, Deidre said that she actually started reading a.s.s, and told Tammy how pitiful it was, and how "even they" could do better than most of the lame stories, and got their first stories posted, just before I started reviewing. That means that I'll have to write a few new reviews, but I'll also repost my old reviews whenever I notice one of the stories reposted. I might add that this newsgroup has come a long way since the first stories of the Ng Sisters. Their stories still stand out as excellent, but they have a lot more company nowadays. This first repost takes the form of a message from Deidre on Tammy's answering machine. Deidre speculates about what her sister is probably doing instead of answering the machine and describes her own recent experience at the St. Regis hotel, where after a long day Deidre's boyfriend dropped by and lit up her life. The author describes the foreplay and penetrations in intimate detail. As an English teacher, I was most interested in the punctuation of this sentence. I started to beg for him to fuck me, just little panting "fuck me, fuck me please"s. How DOES one make plural a phrase that's in quotes when the item within quotes is itself singular. As far as I know, the author got it right. I'm going to defer further thought on this problem for one of those occasions when my husband is trying to embarrass me by getting me turned on in public and I need something really boring and insipid on which to concentrate. All I can say is that Tammy's answering machine takes a lot longer message than mine does! Ratings for "While You Were Out" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Watching" by Alan Mathews (alanmath@hotmail.com). I got lucky tonight. No, not the way you think, although that happened too. I got lucky because my lessons for the rest of the week have been so well prepared over the years that I could afford to blow off about three hours reading this story. Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. The boy and the girl first meet when the school bus breaks down and it gets cold and they have to share his coat. She's 13 and he's 18, but she's beautiful and he has a crush on her. They don't have sex. She falls asleep in his arms, and he doesn't even masturbate. She kisses him gently when she eventually gets off the bus. That's the kind of story this is going to be. But the action picks up quickly. Circumstances require Jenny to leave home; and since Alex happens to live alone most of the time he takes her in. Soon we discover that sleeping together and showering together leads to a certain level of intimacy. The sexual activities come across as both innocent and sexy. The story includes a genuine, interesting plot. This is a really sexy, romantic story. A minor problem is that the story contains numerous irritating errors. For example, the author consistently uses "to" instead of "too." Dr. Mathewson becomes Dr. Sampson a few paragraphs later. My advice to you is to ignore the errors and just enjoy the story. It's excellent! Ratings for "Watching" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The (Fore)Skin Game" by James Boswell. This is Another Hot Wife Tale. The man and his wife have been happily married for ten years. When Mike comes for a week-long visit, he brings with him his ten-inch, three-inch in diameter, uncircumcised cock, the likes of which the wife has never seen before. The husband eagerly shares his wife with his studly friend; and, of course, the result is that (1) the husband and wife are more deeply in love with each other than ever before and (2) they are looking around for more studs to share with. Ratings for "The (Fore)Skin Game" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Lunchtime!" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Some people need to break major taboos in order to get a thrill. They need to have anal sex with a parent or sibling or at least torture a nun. For my part, this story is taboo enough for me. The very idea of making my husband late for work by seducing him at lunchtime is all the taboo I can handle right now. And Dulcinea tells the story so nicely! Ratings for "Lunchtime!" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Party" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). The officer's wife is bored with the party. She slips away to the master bedroom and soon one of the officers meets her there for a romantic romp before they rejoin the others. Dulcinea's stories are simple and sweet, and sometimes that's very nice. Ratings for "The Party" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Tina's Tale" by John Carter (docs.dgsys.com). Tina is a sex slave. She has a collar and a Master, and she is at first on display like a slab of meat for strangers to kick around and treat as they wish. Eventually people fuck her in really unpleasant ways, which she enjoys. As I have said many times before, there are apparently sane and sensible people who will enjoy this story more than I did. To me, it's like reading a story about how a person eats some spoiled food, gets sick as hell, vomits, and then asks for some more of the food. I know there are people who enjoy being sick and vomiting; I just have trouble understanding their point of view. Ratings for "Tina's Tale" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Goth'rotica" by Miss Lucy (archer77@ix.netcom.com). Miss Lucy is an Internet porn writer who gets hired to transcribe and rewrite notes for an apparently maniac lesbian doctor who lives and works in a gothic mansion that seems to be inhabited by gargoyles and other strange spirits who have an interest in Miss Lucy. Her only confidante is the doctor's brother, a defrocked priest who is a virgin except for a woman in Boston, the monster in his bedroom, and now, of course, Miss Lucy herself, whom he uses as bait to lure the gargoyle with two dicks into her cunt so that he can capture it. I'm not much of a fan of gothic horror stories. I enjoy looking at gargoyles on buildings, but I have vaguely suspected that they are imaginary creatures; and it has never occurred to me that any of them would have two penises or that I might ever have sex with one of them. So gothic horror fans may enjoy this story more than I did. It's very well written, and the plot (which I won't further disclose to you) is highly creative. Ratings for "Goth'rotica" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "A Night to Remember" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu). Three college girls are lounging around telling Can-You-Top-This? stories about their sexual exploits. Not all that much really happens. This is a weak story for Mary Anne, but very good for most other authors. Ratings for "A Night to Remember" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "The Demon on My Shoulder" by R. Stephen Redick (burrito@mc.net). This story is confusing, but deliberately so. It describes the sexual adventures of a couple of American soldiers with prostitutes in Vietnam. The sex takes place in the midst of chaos and violence - probably pretty much the way it often really happened. I am not an expert on war-zone sex, but this seemed very realistic to me. Ratings for "The Demon on My Shoulder" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "The Meeting" by Domn8me189 (Domn8me189@aol.com). The woman has talked to the man on-line, and now she is meeting him for the first time. He pulls a switchblade knife on her, makes her get into his car, requires her to use the seat belt to secure herself for safety, and then begins to diddle her with a dildo while she drives to a remote area to be raped. Actually, it's not rape after all, but rather a fulfillment of a desire to be dominated. Afterwards, the guy doesn't kill her or dump her on the roadside; instead he makes an appointment to rape her again sometime at her convenience. I found the grammar to be bad and the plot to be simplistic. Apparently the author sponsors a whole newsletter for people looking for more of this genre. Ratings for "The Meeting" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Who's the Boss" by Karl Bojahra (karl_bojahra@bc.sympatico.ca). This story ends with these words: "comment pleas? suggestions?" My comment is that if this is the first attempt by a person who does not speak English and has also not fully mastered his own language, then it's a good first attempt. Otherwise, here are my suggestions: (1) The author should follow at least some of the rules of English grammar. (2) When writing a parody, the characters should in some respect resemble the characters in the work being parodied. That means that Tony (usually spelled with a capital T) and Angela should act like Tony and Angela in the TV sitcom. If this author wants to become a real writer, he should read some of the excellent parodies by Shelby Bush and Uncle Mike and try again. Ratings for "Who's the Boss" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "An Evening At Home" by MountainTop (Topspace4@aol.com). The man is spending an evening at home with his wife and another couple, describing to them the beauties of the dominant/submissive relationship. To demonstrate one of his points, he says to his wife, "Bedroom, strip, bed, back, spread." Sure enough, the little lady gracefully and swiftly carries her cute little ass into the bedroom, where they join her - her arms and legs reaching for the four corners of the bed in the classic spread-eagle position, her bra, apron, and thong removed, and eager to please her Master. And so it goes. This story presents a clear but not especially inspiring picture of somebody's version of the ideal dominant/submissive relationship. I myself am a freedom freak. I could be wrong, but I think the basic urge of human nature is to be free and to want to be in control of one's own fate. I'll grant that this is an unattainable ideal, and impossible dream; but my husband and I have been able to achieve a free-spirited love and sexuality that make us very happy people. As I have said many times before, I don't see the point in wanting to be a toy at someone else's disposal. I have assumed that societies do a good thing when they free their slaves. I really do like it when my husband "dominates" me - and he likes it when I do the same to him; but our domination does not involve becoming mindlessly subservient to the other, which is what this story portrays. Estragon writes stories from a perspective opposite (or complementary) to this one. Estragon writes about women dominating men. I don't agree with Estragon's philosophy any more than I agree with this one. I personally think that I demean myself if I demean my lover. However, Estragon writes in such a way that I can see the point of the femdom policy she (?) is promoting; in the case of the present story I cannot see the point. Having said this, I'll add that I DO see the value in selfishness, which is what I think this story is about. If I am always giving and never taking, then I am depriving my husband of a chance to give. Ditto for him. So there is a value in both of us being temporarily a "slave" to the other. This story simply does not do a good job of presenting that notion in a perspective that makes sense to me as a rational reader. Again, I want to add that I am not totally anti-bdsm. In the last issue I praised Ann Douglas for doing a good job of introducing bdsm activities into "Sandy." The key difference is that Sandy came across as an intelligent person who did things for a reason and happened to have tastes that differed from my own. My advice to submissives is to arise! You have nothing to lose but your chains! I was in a bad mood when I wrote that last sentence. Actually, if you are a submissive and like it that way, kiss your Master's asshole (while it's oozing fecal matter, if possible), apologize humbly for listening to Celeste, ask him to kick you in the head with a steel-plated shoe, and then bring him to a roaring orgasm, if the preceding activities have not already accomplished that. There! That's a much happier ending to this review. Ratings for "An Evening At Home" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer):4 "December Fantasy" by Mark Foster. Two lovers have stolen away for a quiet lunch and are gazing out the window at a beautiful December day. They decide that it might be OK to be a little late getting back to work. They are eventually more than a little late, but they have had a delightful time. This is well-written, hot, romantic sex. Ratings for "December Fantasy" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer):10 "Donna" by Unknown Author. This is another one of those THC reposts that make it impossible to identify the actual author. Donna is a very prim and proper lady who is nonetheless multiorgasmic and is having an affair with the narrator. He discovers that she doesn't know how to masturbate, and so he teaches her. The voyeurism of the lesson quickly gets the instructor going himself, and so the action heats up. This is pretty good stuff, especially when you consider that sometimes the person reading the story may be doing a solo performance him/herself. The story concludes with a recommendation that we watch for more stories about the adventures of Donna. I'd like to know who this author is, so that I can watch for more stories by him/her. Ratings for "Donna" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer):10 * "Home Again" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). A.C. has come home to visit his childhood haunts, and he meets Mary Austin, the 45-year-old mother with a still great body who is the mother of Josh, one of A.C. closest childhood friends. We eventually discover that she was also the target of some of A.C.'s adolescent masturbation fantasies. This author takes her time developing a plot. The first 2 parts (of 7) are not exactly devoid of sex; we do learn that A.C. used to date Jenny Wilson with whom he traded cherries on prom night and whose sister was nicknamed Kleenex Karen because of her proclivity to fill the partial vacuum in her bra with that product, and also that Josh's sister Dawn Marie had fucked the whole football team before moving out of the family domicile right after her 18th birthday. The author also lays a basis for future sexual possibilities by letting us know that Mr. Austin is deceased and that during his adolescence A.C. had once seen Mrs. Austin naked and by arranging for A.C. to stay overnight while he waits for Josh to come home in the morning. But in general A.C. and Mary just have dinner and engage in interesting conversation. So the author spends nearly 4 out of 7 parts with nothing more than innuendo and build-up; but when the sex comes it's both tender and hot. I love this kind of story. Read it yourself for the details. I secretly wish that Ann Douglas would get somebody to proofread her stories. She develops wonderful plots that give full personalities to people having hot sex, and then she makes annoying mistakes that keep me from giving her perfect ratings; and then I often have to decide whether to let a imperfect story onto my Top 15 list for the month. I mean, surely Ann knows the difference between a dinner and a diner and between celibate and celebrate. The problem is that Ann knows what the words are supposed to be, and so she probably skips right past them; and this is just the sort of mistake that a spellcheck doesn't pick up. The solution is to have one intelligent person go through the story before it gets posted. Let this be a lesson to you. Finally, a word of advice. It's nice to shower together before anal intercourse, but the shower removes the natural lubricants from both bodies; and so the penis is likely to be even drier than usual. The problem of dry skin is compounded by the fact that a person's anal canal does not produce natural lubrications for sexual intercourse, as the vagina would. Using Vaseline to solve this problem is not a great idea, because that product tends to seal off the body's natural lubricants, when they do begin to flow. My own experience is that saliva is a better idea than Vaseline at both the front and back door. By far the best solution is a lubricant specifically designed for this purpose, such as K-Y jelly. I guess this gives away part of the plot, doesn't it? Ratings for "Home Again" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). This story is a parody of the F Troop television series that appears regularly in syndication on American cable television. There's really not a lot of sex in the story; the first two thirds are devoted to build-up and making the characters compatible with the original series. I have never in my life watched an entire episode of F Troop, so I don't know how well the story works as a parody. Assuming the author's characterizations fit, this is a pretty good story of the female heroine making love to an Indian princess. Ratings for "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 (Continued in 2/2) Path: newsfeed.direct.ca!news.wildstar.net!news.ecn.uoknor.edu!feed1.news.erols.com!howland.erols.net!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey01.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: celeste801@aol.com Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories Subject: Celestial Reviews 137 - Nov 23 (2/2) Date: 23 Nov 1996 16:52:41 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 449 Message-ID: <19961123165400.LAA26873@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Status: N Celestial Reviews 137 - Nov 23, 1996 (2/2) (Continued from 1/1) * "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). As I understand it, Ann Douglas has become anxious about the possibilities of censorship and related repression on the Internet and has withdrawn from posting her stories with this newsgroup. I heard she has started her own newslist, to which she circulates her stories, and so I thought she wasn't going to post on a.s.s. anymore. Therefore, I was surprised to find this story in the postings. I don't know how it got there, but I'm glad it did. The story centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club Med type resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals. Although both women are lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends. After some preliminary fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a sort of charity bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have Jeanette for their date for the evening. I think I have told you enough about the story. It's a hot plot with hot sex. I might add that Jeanette is a high school teacher and many of us often wish we could touch our favorite students the way she does - but somebody might take that comment the wrong way. Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but this story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and sexy plot woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate information about varied cultures. In addition, the author enriches the narrative with sexy flashbacks and side plots that heighten the tension and allure of the main storyline. As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible women would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story, I myself have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual activity. However, after reading this story, my defenses have begun to crumble. If by some chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful guy that humps me on demand like Mark Aster's studly hero and then found myself on an exotic Caribbean island with a beautiful, rich former student who was professing her love for me after purchasing me for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I might give it a thought. Hell, I think I'll give it a thought right now! I'm reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that "this is my best birthday ever." This is the best story ever by Ann Douglas. Ratings for "Scarlett's Cove" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * Deirdre-mania: As near as I can figure, there are at least two persons frantically reposting all of Deirdre's stories. For my own part, I am trying to keep up by posting 15-20 reviews of Deirdre's stories in each issue of CR. On this festive occasion, I'm going to give you some biographical background on this most prolific of a.s.s. authors. Let me point out the Deirdre is a very private person; and I actually have no direct information about her. Therefore, everything I say in the following biographical sketch is either a shrewd inference or a pure fabrication. You be the judge. Although we have never met, sometimes I feel very close to Deirdre; and this qualifies me as her biographer. I often think of her as the sister I never had, sharing the bedroom that we never shared while we stayed awake until the wee hours, discussing strategies for using the devices in the basement we never had to sexually subjugate the mother we never had. If I am right in my conjectures, Deirdre was born about 37 years ago in either Muncie Indiana or Buffalo New York. She was loved by her parents and got along well with everyone except her sister, whom she regarded (with good reason) as a promiscuous slut. She was a very good student through high school, but she remained inconspicuous, except for her starring role on the school's losing volleyball team. In her real life her friends even today refer to her by an ironic nickname that derives from the fact that she could never spike the ball effectively - but why would an outstanding setter care about that? Deirdre attended college at either Wabash or Indiana University (if the Muncie birth theory is correct) or at one of the excellent state colleges in the New York system (if the Buffalo theory is correct). However, it is my understanding that she eventually graduated from the University of Texas, where she majored in journalism with a minor in education and where she met her future husband, who has doted on her and to whom she has been faithful for the past twelve years. Deirdre has two children, Bradley and Stephanie - both born within wedlock, although there is a distinct possibility that the latter was conceived as a result of sexual activity in the doggie position rather than Roy's more preferred missionary approach. While she was in college, Deirdre took a course on Freudian psychology, during which she wrote term papers on the Id and the Oedipal and Electra complexes. Those are the only topics she still remembers from that course, and that influence still shows in her erotic writing. Her other favorite course was American Literature, which was taught by an elderly professor who did his doctoral dissertation on e.e. cummings. Although she was infatuated with the old guy, he was in fact a doddering fool; and his only influence on Deirdre's writing can be found in her decision to use the lower-case d as the first letter in her nom de plume. Deirdre and Roy, now live with their two children and three cats in Sulphur Springs, Texas, where she teaches fifth grade in a public school and works part-time as the manager of a local fast-food restaurant specializing in ice-cream desserts. The inspiration for most of her stories comes from listening to conversations in the teachers' lounge and from observations of all the lonely people who buy ice cream from her. Of course, as far as this newsgroup is concerned, the most important of Deirdre's characteristics is the fact there is reason to believe that she is Sherwood Anderson reincarnated. Anderson's bizarre spirit has pervaded her life and has influenced her reaction to the Freudian psychology course, to her marriage, to the mysterious hand fondling her ass when she rode the elevator in Chicago, and to most of the other events in her life. However, although Anderson was resented and actively hated by the citizens of Clyde, Deirdre is quite popular in Sulphur Springs - mostly because she has had the good sense to remain anonymous. The second most important influence on Deirdre's literary life was a beautiful, vibrant, and intelligent high school English teacher, who turned her on to literature and inspired Deirdre with an insatiable urge to do likewise to others through her own writing. Like Anderson, Deirdre is a Virgo; but this is not really an important fact, since most Virgos don't put much stock in horoscopes anyway. Deirdre selected her pseudonym in honor of Deirdre Bair, the biographer of Samuel Becket (who strongly influenced her writing style) and of Simone de Beauvoir (who influenced her feminist attitudes, which are seldom apparent in her erotic writings). There has been a certain amount of speculation in this biographical sketch. But what the heck! Some of it might be true! "Reception" by Deirdre. During the reception the maid-of-honor and the bride go to the hotel room to refresh themselves. Before they went to the room they had never felt or shown any attraction toward each other. When they return to the reception, this is no longer true. All I can do is repeat: Deirdre is the Sherwood Anderson of a.s.s. Ratings for "Reception" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Recommendation" by Deirdre. Joan has a spotless house, which is the envy of her friend. This friend decides to hire the same cleaning girl. At the end of the first paragraph I have figured out the plot of the story: the cleaning girl has turned Joan into a sex slave and now forces Joan to clean her own house in return for being allowed to lick the cleaning girl's cunt. The cleaning girl will impose the same conditions on the friend. I was pretty close! Note quite, but close enough. Even if you know all this ahead of time, I think you'll still enjoy the story. Ratings for "Recommendation" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Retreat" by Deirdre. The man and his wife were hiking in a secluded area, when they were surprised to see a group of women hikers. I reread this part carefully. Nope, the hikers were not naked; every one of them was wearing shorts and sneakers. I checked the first lines of the story. Yes, it was by Deirdre. I was confused. Why were these damsels walking fully clothed through a forest in a Deirdre story? Why was no one carrying a whip? How could they have anal intercourse with all those clothes on? I surmised that maybe they were being forced to take a hike fully clothed as a form of humiliation. I decided to read on. Aha! In the next paragraph there are fifty men standing naked in a parking lot! Now the story makes sense. Behind each man is a woman with a whip. As you have probably guessed by now, this was one of those retreats that are so popular among yuppy lawyers - sort of a marriage encounter group where the men get naked in the great outdoors and let their significant other females beat and humiliate them. The woman likes the idea so much that she promises her husband that she'll suck his cock if he'll please go on the retreat with her. At this point I thought I had the whole story figured out, but I was wrong: there were some interesting twists in the plot yet to come. Ratings for "Retreat" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Reward" by Deirdre. What there is of this story is well written; there just isn't much to it. The woman has the guy doing lots of things that he wouldn't like to do in order to be allowed to have sex with her. She apparently gets rewarded herself by the mysterious John. My parents always told me I had to eat my spinach before I could have my dessert, but Deirdre's lady manages to reverse this order effectively. Ratings for "Reward" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Rock" by Deirdre. The man and his wife go for a walk deep into the woods. He tells her to take off her clothes. She surprises herself by agreeing and soon finds herself atop a huge rock with him licking her cunt. As she starts really getting into it, she notices two college girls watching in the distance. When she mentions them to her husband, he suggests that she wave them over. Things get pretty hot, but maybe not in exactly the way you would expect. Ratings for "Rock" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Romance" by Deirdre. There really isn't enough here to call this a story. Two women are checking out videotapes, and one rents a tape that apparently involves a hot romance between two women. The narrator knows that she herself is attracted to the other woman, and she interprets their conversation about the tape as an innuendo that maybe the feeling is reciprocal. Ratings for "Romance" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Roommate" by Deirdre. A woman is visited by her college roommate, who immediately strikes up a friendship with a couple who were her high school friends. The woman wakes up in the middle of the night and finds the roommate having sex with her mother. Almost immediately it escalates to where the roommate is having anal sex with the mother while giving a hand job to the woman; and then the high school friends come over and join the festivities. What is striking about this story (as is the case with many of Deirdre's tales) is that she makes such outrageous behaviors seem so natural and plausible. Ratings for "Roommate" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Run" by deirdre. Here's what happened. I had five new deirdre stories on my hard disk, and I only wanted to review two of them. In addition to writing these reviews and teaching English, I run and study karate. So I decided to read "Run." I've always enjoyed fantasies about sex among runners; and I once lived out a fantasy by running in front of some guy and wiggling my ass to turn him on. I never even spoke to the guy, but I'll bet he had the mother of all jock rashes by running with a raging hard-on for about three miles. So "Run" was my choice for the second story. Only this story is about a guy who is living with his sister who makes him dress like a girl so that her married boyfriend will get turned on by thinking they're being watched by a female voyeur, but the boyfriend decides to screw the girl (who is really a guy) and the whole thing develops into a group bdsm gangbang with the boyfriend's wife and friends. Deirdre says that some of the things she writes about are just fantasies! Really? I thought this story was hilarious. Deirdre writes in such a way that I was constantly surprised by what happened next. I think people will enjoy this story - even if they're not expecting a sensual trot in the park, like I was. Jane Austen would not approve of this story. Ratings for "Run" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Seat" by Deirdre. Dammit! I write a carefully prepared introductory note, pointing out that my ratings have been too high and resolving to really stick it to the authors from now on; and then I give three 10's in a row to Deirdre. It's gotta be mind control! Why can't she just give me orgasms or make me her sex slave? But no, she has to go out and write three good stories that demand a 10 rating for each. Life really sucks sometimes - but that's not all bad. Anyway, after 14 years of marriage, the husband and wife in this story seemed to have fallen into a rut. Brad told his wife she'd always say she was tired and he got so discouraged being turned down that he stopped asking. (Incidentally, when dogs are in a rut, it's a different thing. The rut these people had fallen into is related to the English "route." The animal activity is derived from the French word "ruit," which means "roar." Just thought I'd mention that.) To break out of the rut, the husband suggests that they vow to make love twice within the next week. They keep the vow, and the wife enjoys it. She expects him to suggest that they make this vow permanent; but instead he suggests a different vow: that she promise to *initiate* sex twice within the next week. So far this sounds like what a creative, competent marriage counselor would suggest. But then things get out of control. Or do they? You'll have to read the story to find out. Ratings for "Seat" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Secretary" by Deirdre. "Preterition" is a technique I learned about in a college rhetoric class. It refers to the strategy of bringing information into a conversation or debate by deliberately and obviously claiming to omit it. For example, a man might say to his neighbor, "...and I'm not even going to mention the time your wife gave me head while you thought she was looking for her fork under the table at Delmonico's last week." This story is a preterition of sorts: the narrator gives us a titillating tale by telling us what she's not going to tell us. It's pretty interesting! Ratings for "Secretary" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Shop" by Deirdre. "You should always check out a bikini with the top off. You might go to some European beach...." That's not a hormonally imbalanced adolescent talking to his girlfriend. It's a saleslady talking to the sweet young thing who has tried on a bikini that the customer herself considers to be far too skimpy. The saleslady soon finds a ally in the woman's shopping companion, who joins the discussion with, "Come on; your husband would like to see you in that bikini, wouldn't he? And with the top off too!" Soon a small crowd of consultants gathers, with everyone encouraging her to remove the top. Our heroine is now teetering on the edge of disaster: will she follow the prompting of these servants of Satan and eat the apple or change back into her demure clothing and retain her right to the Garden of Eden? I'm not telling! This bizarre, surrealistic story shows Deirdre at her best. I've often had the same dream, but for some reason Deirdre omitted the ferret. Ratings for "Shop" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Show" by Deirdre. Here we have a game show that resembles Wheel of Fortune, except that it depends entirely on chance - the players don't have to know any words. Oh, and I forgot to mention that whenever a player goes bankrupt, she gets screwed in the ass by her husband or his proxy standing behind the booth. The story's emphasis is completely on the humor; the sex isn't very vivid at all. Ratings for "Show" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Sight" by Deirdre. The neighbor comments to the woman that her husband must surely be great in bed. The woman concludes that maybe this sexy neighbor has designs on her husband. Then she happens to see the neighbor making passionate love to her boyfriend on the balcony. That's all there is! This is a really hot descriptive passage, but it's not really a story - it's just an excellent snippet that could become part of a really good story. Ratings for "Sight" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Sitter" by Deirdre. "Third Rock from the Sun" is a sitcom on American network television about a group of aliens from outer space who have come to earth and reside in human bodies but have trouble adapting to the customs of our society. Sometimes I feel equally out of place reading a Deirdre story; and I'm never really sure whether it's myself or her characters who are out of step with reality. I guess the people in this story would be considered either strange or dysfunctional, but those are rather harsh labels. After all what harm is there in a blindfolded mother fondling her blindfolded daughter while the girl eases herself onto the cock of a neighbor bound spread eagle on a bed and the mother eases her muff into his face? After all, they're all consenting adults. And why would we be surprised or upset to notice that both women were chained to a hook on the ceiling while they did this? And what young girl wouldn't be at least a little excited to whip another naked young woman or to fondle the breasts of the dominatrix while watching all this? I mean, it's not as if these people are embezzling money from retirement communities or creating mayhem on the highways. What troubles me about Deirdre's stories is that I get ideas. I rarely get sexually excited while reading the stories, but I start wondering about things. Like that little old lady up the street. Maybe she's not so lonely after all. Is she perhaps naked under her raincoat? Is that really an umbrella in that bag or could it be a whip? Do those two old men really drive her to church on Sunday? When the minister visits, why is he always smiling? It gets worse. I saw Hillary Clinton on TV the other day. She smiles a lot for no apparent reason. There's a basement in the White House, and I'll bet there are hooks all over the place. And handcuffs. And her husband sometimes really does seem subjected to some sort of mind control. And then there's that attractive woman that's married to Sadam Husein.... Deirdre really does make me think sometimes. Ratings for "Sitter" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Slave" by Deirdre. Imagine this. You meet a female friend who is accompanied by a very quiet woman. When you ask, who's your friend, she replies, "She's not a friend. She's a slave." I must live a sheltered life, because I've never had such a conversation - outside a teachers' lounge, of course. However, the follow-up is fairly common in a.s.s. stories. The woman who asked the question says, "Yeah! Right!" and begins to leave. Her friend then says, "You don't believe it?" Just watch." She then turns to the slave and says "Go with Joann and do what she tells you." I remember the same thing happening on a documentary on late-night cable television; but it was about astronauts living in Cocoa Beach, and the slave's name was Jeanie. The ending was also a little different. This story is an interesting example of Deirdre's ability to tell a sexy story in which there is emphatically absolutely no sex at all. Ratings for "Slave" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Society" by Deirdre. A woman gets invited by two colleagues to attend the noon-time meeting of the Society for the Advancement of Women In Their Twenties. The woman (who is 42) wonders about the propriety of such a club, but the others point out to her that most women want to be like women in their twenties - they try to look like women in their twenties, and often they lie about their ages, claiming to still be in their late twenties. But ironically women in their twenties are at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to jobs: lower than older women and lower than all men. Although they have what everyone wants, society-in-general controls them and limits their freedom. OK, so here's a multiple choice question: how do you think SAWTT will advance the lifestyle of women in their twenties? Will the society's program involve (a) assertiveness seminars, (b) brown bag luncheons, (c) karate training, (d) whips and anal sexual activities? Hint: The meeting takes place in a large, unmarked aluminum building in an industrial park area, with a door in front and very few windows. This story is so bizarre that it's really interesting! Ratings for "Society" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Spa" by Deirdre. Rita and her boyfriend visit the spa together, and Rita surprises him by suggesting that they stay after everyone else leaves and have sex there. They hide in the locker rooms; but alas! they get caught. What will their punishment be? Do you think they will be turned over to the local law enforcement agency to be prosecuted for trespassing? Or do you think this muscular jock and beautiful babe who found them will find it in their hearts to forgive them? And why doesn't Rita seem quite as surprised as she should be? What can you do to a person sexually with all those bars and equipment in a spa? And will there be a video camera involved? This is a very good story. Although Deirdre doesn't describe sexual activities with the mellifluous detail of a play-by-play announcer, one of her strengths is that she doesn't waste words. A lot of what you'll get from a Deirdre story will come from your own head rather from what Deirdre actually says. This is a good example of that technique. Ratings for "Spa" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9