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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Subject: Celestial Reviews 119 - Sept 21
Date: 22 Sep 1996 10:26:26 -0400
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Celestial Reviews 119 - September 21, 1996

Note: Occasionally I get e-mail from people who knew a sexy person named
Celeste and want to know if I am that person.  I thought you might like to
see the response I sent to the most recent person who wanted to renew old
acquaintances with me.  (Names have been altered to protect anonymity.)

I am not Celeste Winokowski.  Celeste Winokowski is a person who often
thinks of the great times she had with a person named Dale.  I have never
had such thoughts.

Celeste is not my real name.  For that matter, Tipper Gore is not my real
name either.  I'm more relieved by the latter than by the former.

Although I am not Celeste Winokowski, I DO think I know somebody (not
including you) that knows somebody that knows her.  I say this because for
any two people in America, there's about a 90% chance that one of them
knows somebody that knows somebody that knows the other.  However, there's
also a 95% probability that neither of them will ever find out about this
relationship.

The reason I know this is because a guy on an airplane used this
information as a pickup line with me: "Hi. I know somebody that knows
somebody that knows you."  At first I thought he was crazy, but we
discussed the matter; and by darn, he did!  If this were an a.s.s. story,
he would have then slid his hand onto my thigh under the blanket,
discovered that I wasn't wearing panties, whispered into my ear words of
endearment, driven me to an ecstatic orgasm, and invited me to
reciprocate.  But he didn't.  Which was nice, because my daughter was
seated on the other side of me, enjoying the entire conversation.

I checked this theory with a friend of mine who is a statistician
(actually, an actuary), and he said it was probably pretty accurate.  He
told me if I added one person to the link, I could extend my
generalization to all of the Western world.  (Actuaries easily get a
little carried away when they talk to undercover sex goddesses).  When I
told my husband about this, he suggested that it would be more fun and
equally true to say, "I know somebody that knows somebody that has slept
with you."  In my case, this would merely put my husband rather than
myself in the final link; but it does sound a lot more risque.

What all of this means relevant to this newsgroup is that even though you
don't know who your favorite author is, nevertheless you do know somebody
that knows somebody that knows that author (or who has slept with
him/her).  Of course, since that person is anonymous and since the two of
you are not communicating, the chances are incredibly minuscule that
you'll ever find out any more details about this relationship.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Second Note:  When I discussed the problems and solutions regarding noise
on this newsgroup, I neglected to mention the alt.sex.stories FAQ, which
is posted monthly.  This was a serious omission.  It has recently been
revised and updated; and several miniFAQs regarding specific topics are in
the works.  I urge you to check it out for good suggestions regarding
reading and writing stories for this newsgroup.

Third Note:  The Web Page that used to archive my Top 100 Stories of 1995
has apparently stopped offering this service.  I have not been directly
affiliated with that site and have had no control over it.  I'll give you
more details, if I ever obtain any.

- Celeste

      "Seduction" by Michael K. Smith (infidelity)
            10, 10, 10
      "Dutch Treat" by Mark (tawdry encounter) 10, 10, 10
      "Trinity Trilogy Novel 11/14" by Tom Trinity 
            (miscellaneous orgies) 10, 9.5, 10
      "First Meeting" by MountainTop (bdsm) 10, 10, 10
      "The Flight" by Jym (extreme bdsm) 9.5, 9, 7
      "A Girl's Guide To Sex With Dogs" by Jamie Whitaker
            (just the facts) 7, 7, 7
      "Morning Rush" by Unknown Author (elaborate wannafuck)
             8, 8, 8
      "Jasmine and the Purple Panties" by Huntsman (magical 
             mystical pregnancy) 8, 5, 5
      "Consuming Passion" by PleaseCain (sci fi sex in a 
            treehouse) 10, 10, 10
    * "Doorjam" by PleaseCain (prostitution) 10, 10, 10
      "Cinderella" by Unknown Author (Fairy Tale Erotica with
            an attitude) 10, 10, 10

* = Repost of a previous review.

"Seduction" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com).  Here are two
simple rules of thumb, applicable only to monogamous relationships and
stated in their most general form.  The first is that happily married
spouses should not give or receive massages to or from scantily-clad
in-laws who are staying over while the other spouse is gone.  The second
is that if he or she breaks the first rule, the spouse should terminate
the massage as soon as the sexual hardware kicks into gear.  A corollary
is that the spouse should not use phrases like "Let me move this out of
the way" in any of the above circumstances.

This is a story about a man who breaks both of my rules while playing
sexual chicken with his sexy sister-in-law who is living with them while
she finds herself.  There is another rule that applies to in-laws who are
"finding themselves," but I don't want to make this more complicated than
it already is.  But once you've already broken all these rules, if the
in-law asks, "What are you doing to me?" I suppose "Nothing you don't
secretly want me to do" is about as good an answer as any.

Anyway, these people break all my rules and have a fine time doing it. 
This is a sexy story!

Ratings for "Seduction"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Dutch Treat" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk).  Let's see.  "Dutch Treat"
could be about a date with a woman who pays for the condoms.  But since
the story takes place in Amsterdam, it is probably about a sexual treat
the guy receives from a Dutch woman.  I was close.  It's about a sexual
treat the guy DOESN'T receive from a Dutch woman.  It takes real skill to
make something like that seem sexy!

Ratings for "Dutch Treat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
"Trinity Trilogy Novel 11/14" by Tom Trinity (stbush@iglou.com).  The
stories in this segment focus exclusively on the Trinity Plus One Plus
Veronica and Val during a weekend of wild sexual acrobatics at the Trinity
House.  We have daisy chains (e.g., Judy doing Veronica doing Candy doing
Val) and circles (e.g., by adding Tom and Janie and closing the circuit). 
It's pretty hot stuff, even though it does get a bit confusing from time
to time.  Eventually they make a videotape to record for posterity one of
their epic orgies.

The most interesting part of this segment comes when they make a tape of
each person describing his/her earliest sexual experience.  I felt I was
listening to friends revealing their secrets, even though I knew full well
that these were fictional characters.  Seventy-three stories can have that
effect on a person, I guess.  Not surprisingly, Tom was a 22-year-old
English teacher when he first did it with a sensitive drama student.

Ratings for "Trinity Trilogy Novel 11/14"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"First Meeting" by MountainTop (Topspace4@aol.com).  The lady once wrote a
story for an erotic newsgroup about a woman in a submissive relationship. 
After that she read a story on a similar topic by another author and
communicated with him about his story.  Her husband wasn't interested in
bdsm, and so she went out and tried a relationship with a stranger; but
that attempt was a disaster.  She mentioned this via e-mail to the author
of the other story, and he invited her to state her limits and join him
for a session. She decided to accept his invitation.

The guy is a real prince.  He takes control; gives her a rose; buys her
champagne; spanks her for wearing the wrong underwear, bra, and shoes;
squeezes her nipples painfully; binds her; inserts a butt plug; and does
other interesting things to turn her own.  She, of course, says "Thank
you, Master" for all the pain he inflicts and has a roaring orgasm.

An interesting thing about this story is the description of the limits
that the partners set before the tryst.  I have never done this, but I
have read lots of bdsm stories this past year.  These rules make good
sense and could even serve as useful guidelines for others interested in
taking the plunge into tentative bdsm.

The story has some minor problems (such as accidentally alternating
between Lisa and Karen for the woman's name); but overall it's a very good
story.  Bdsm is still not for me.  I CAN see how pleasure can be
heightened by contrasting it to pain, and I can understand how it could be
pleasurable to be completely under the protection of a stronger Master who
cares about me; but I am still turned off by the subservient attitude and
the notion that a person who loves me would deliberately induce pain.  I'm
not trying to convert anyone - just to explain my feelings.  If I DID
decide to experiment with bdsm with someone other than my husband, I think
I would use this story as a model.  Before you all rush out and buy butt
plugs and head for the airport with your safewords, however, I want to
remind you that this is fiction.  I suspect that in real life blind bdsm
dates are at least as likely to be disasters as are more mundane, regular
blind dates.

Ratings for "First Meeting"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Flight" by Jym (ABC@XYZ.COM).  This story could be described as the
dark side of the previous story. It depicts a really dysfunctional bdsm
relationship.  From my perspective it supplies good reasons to avoid
toying with bdsm with strangers; but I suppose bdsm enthusiasts might
consider this to be the beginning of a really great relationship.

The story is about a young woman who gets picked up by a much younger
female flight attendant.  She is easily seduced into having sex with the
attendant on the plane, and then accompanies her home and becomes her
permanent sex slave.  At the very end we learn that she is a "pain slut" -
a term that apparently describes a woman who so much enjoys to suffer
during sex that she looks forward to being casually strangled for the
amusement of her lover.  The story is clearly written, but there's not
much really hot sex in it - unless you get turned on by the shock value of
the "pain slut" concept.  Do such people really exist?  I'm sure they do;
but I think they represent a serious personality dysfunction rather than
an alternative lifestyle.

Ratings for "The Flight"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"A Girl's Guide To Sex With Dogs" by Jamie Whitaker
(4GirlsOnly@doggie.net).  At first I didn't know whether this author was
serious or joking. When the author describes the advantages of a dog
compared to a human male lover, this story reads like one of those lists
from rec.humor about "Why a Cucumber is Better Than a Man."  Then she
introduces the argument that "if God didn't want us to do it with dogs, he
wouldn't have made dogs so interested in sniffing and licking human
females."  That runs basically parallel to the Natural Law argument
against contraception used by the leader of a major modern religion.  Is
she serious?  Is the pope Catholic?  Do dogs sniff women when they are in
heat?  {That last question presents a real grammatical dilemma.}

The author covers the full range of doggie sex.  One of the nicest things
about allowing a dog to lick your snatch, she points out, is that most
male dogs will spend much more time than a human male providing you with
the most electrifying oral sex.  Dogs are also more prone to analingus
than most guys.  The oral pathway is a two-way road; 'tis blessed to give
as well as receive oral sex with Rover.  The author's extensive research
with doctors and veterinarians has revealed that "a dogs cock is three
times cleaner that a mans cock. A dog will spend considerable time every
day cleaning it, how many men do you know that do that?"  No similar data
are available on dogs' ANAL channels; but as long as you can ignore the
flies, I don't see the problem.  The main negative effect appears to be a
complete absence of apostrophes in the writing of the doggie cocksucker.

If you decide to have vaginal sex with Rover, the author recommends a
missionary position with the female "siting on the edge of a chair" -
although the clitoris may receive better agitation with a doggie-style
approach.  There are special considerations for anal doggie sex.  For
example, you may not always be successful with achieving penetration and
if you do you may wind up with his knot inside you.  As I understand it,
that could mean either a very long anal session or you could have to
answer the doorbell with a dog stuck to your ass if your mother or the
paper boy happens to call within the next 15-45 minutes.  I'm sure someone
can write a story about that experience.

Although this article did more to arouse my mirth than to turn me on
sexually, I have to admit that this author may have something here.  If a
person has a docile dog who is willing to serve as a living dildo, why
not?  The natural question, of course, is "Will this really work?"  My
honest answer is I don't know.  I don't have a dog.  I do however, own
some fish; and from what I can observe, the natural lip motion of a fish
might make it an even better lover than a dog.  In addition, a fish is
much like a man, since it seems to be talking all the time, but nothing
intelligible ever comes out.  And I really do like the idea of doing it in
the water.

Ratings for "A Girl's Guide To Sex With Dogs"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Morning Rush" by Unknown Author (ocean@iafrica.com).  I don't like the
advertisements and especially the wannafucks that clutter up the postings
in this newsgroup.  The exception occurs when a person writes a good story
and attaches at the end an appeal to subscribe to his service.  I'll grant
this author a related exception.  The "story" is basically a wannafuck
from a guy to any interested females.  He describes in sensuous detail a
ride in the morning rush hour during which he brings his lover to orgasm
while she drives the car.  Then he concludes with a plea for interested
ladies in the audience to send him their thoughts.  The story is not going
to make my Top Fifteen list; but aside from some grammatical anomalies,
it's pretty good.  It beats the hell out of posts whose title lines say
"hot for sex??? Try chokin my chicken" or "bimale likes being told what to
do."  

Ratings for "Morning Rush"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Jasmine and the Purple Panties" by Huntsman (kender@ozemail.com.au). 
Jasmine is a teenager who goes to a garage sale and buys a pair of Papa
Petrofile's Pregnancy Promoting Purple Panties. . . Patent Pending.  She
wears them, and she begins virginally pregnant, which turns on Billy,
another teenager who has lusted after Jasmine from afar.  It turns out
that Papa Petrofile's Pregnancy Promoting Purple Panties make their owner
horny as well as pregnant.  I probably shouldn't tell you this, because it
may spoil part of the ending; but after Billy screws Jasmine, she gives
birth after about a 48-hour gestation period to a very mature baby that's
already pregnant.  It's not really clear how all this happens - it's just
magic, I guess.  I thought this was mostly silly; but it did have a kind
of odd fascination.  Actually, as I prepare to teach my current unit on
English literature, I notice that Beowulf has equally silly notions in it.
 But Beowulf reflects the religious and cultural ethos of Medieval British
Culture;. Papa Petrofile's Pregnancy Promoting Purple Panties would fit
more appropriately in a bad Canterbury Tale.

Ratings for "Jasmine and the Purple Panties"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Consuming Passion" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com).  This a bizarre
story.  A really bizarre story.  The guy lures women to his treehouse,
where they expect to have passionate sex with him.  Then he devours them -
literally.  But then he meets his match.  You'll have to read the story to
believe it.  Parts of this story were very hot and sexy, but other parts
were interesting because they were so unusual.   If you want a more normal
story by the same author, try the next one.

Ratings for "Consuming Passion"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Doorjam" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com).  This story about a man
picking up a prostitute held my rapt attention from the moment I started
until I had read the last line.  It's not romantic; it's not exactly a
turn-on; but it certainly is a good sex story. 

Ratings for "Doorjam"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Cinderella" by Unknown Author.  The "Unknown Author" in this title line
is a mistake on my part.  The author sent me the story as a textfile,
which I saved separately from the e-mail message.  Since the author's name
does not appear after the title in the text of the story, I no longer know
who wrote it.  If this author will simply send me his/her name, I'll cite
it correctly in future references to this story.

There are several approaches one could take to writing a version of
"Cinderella with an attitude."  For example, consider the following
dialogue:

"I can't have sex with you.  My stepmother says I can't have sex until
both of my stepsisters are married."

"Fuck your stepmother!  Fuck your stepsisters!  I want to make love to you
tonight."

And so they fucked her stepmother and fucked her stepsisters and then made
love to each other and lived happily ever after.

Or maybe this one:

"What ELSE can you do with a glass slipper!?"

But the present story takes a more conservative approach.  Since she is
their slave anyway, the stepsisters decide to put her to a more practical
use than merely doing the dishes and scrubbing the floors; they make her
Cinderella into their sextoy. The twin bitches pierce Cinderella's pert
little nipples and her inner labia and insert horseshoe rings and other
adornments. They also make her wear a butt plug all the time; and they
make her do all manner of lewd things to them.  Being an obedient and
resourceful girl (also known as a good victim), Cinderella comes to love
what they do to her. She even learns to use her anal sphincter to milk her
butt plug in and out until she can make herself orgasm.  The stepmother,
of course, joined in the festivities, often dressed in her bright red body
suit, and occasionally urinating on Cinderella during her obscene
activities.

As you may have suspected, the Prince, who is famous for his balls, holds
a Great Party, to which the stepmother and stepsisters are invited, while
Cinderella is scheduled to stay home and scrub floors and masturbate.  Of
course, the fairy godmother comes, dresses Cinderella up, is so overcome
by the young girl's beauty that she gives her a tongue job; which causes
Cinderella to come for the first time that evening.  As a final touch she
changes the mundane, ordinary butt plug into a beautiful crystal plug with
a scarlet plume.  This is not to be confused with Papa Petrofile's Purple
Pucker Plug . . . Patent Pending, which is a completely different story.

When Cinderella arrives at the ball, she is fit to fuck, because the
coachman has been cracking the whip all the way, and that has really
turned her on.  Actually, I added that part.

Anyway, Cinderella becomes so engrossed with the Prince's cock that she
ignores the clock; and midnight comes shortly after she does, and so she
has to go rather abruptly.  I won't ruin the ending for you.  Suffice it
to say that it is not a glass slipper that all the maidens of the land try
on in order to establish their claim on the Prince and his balls .

Did you ever wonder what Cinderella's father was doing during this fairy
tale?  That question continues to go mostly unanswered.  In spite of that
omission, this was a most enjoyable story.

Ratings for "Cinderella"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10