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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d
Subject: Celestial Reviews 116 - Sept 11 (1/2)
Date: 11 Sep 1996 15:04:54 -0400
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Celestial Reviews 116 - Sept 11, 1996 (1/2)

Note: I received the following message this week from a young scholar over
at prodigy.com:

- -
Hi. I am a student doing a reserch paper and phone survey on cruelty to
animals, and as part of this paper I was inquiring about farm animals
being castrted without any painkiller when the farmers elect to do this
themselves without a vet. I used a search tool on the web and found a note
you had written but it was just taken out of context. Have you ever heard
of this and what do you think about it as far as cruelty to animlals . I
think that is a lot meaner than rodeos that the animal grooups harp aboout
all the time   what do you think? {Author's name withheld, in case his
parents follow this newsgroup}
- -

This brings to mind several thoughts.

First, the young man's concern for animal welfare is commendable.

Second, isn't it interesting that a search engine would lead this young
scholar to me?  Here I am, thinking I am writing about smut; and you
people make references to castration and farm animals that get me picked
up by the Future Veterinarians of America!

Third, an American and an Australian were talking in a bar.  The American
discovered that the Australian bloke was by profession a kangaroo
castrator.  {My spellcheck doesn't acknowledge this occupation.  It thinks
this guy is a kangaroo castigator, which would weaken this anecdote
considerably.}  The American asked the Aussie bloke, "How does one
castrate a kangaroo?"  {Note how well I am doing the national dialects
here!}  The Aussie replied, "'snot really 'ard, mate.  Ya put 'em up on
two large blocks o' wood so that 'is balls 'ang down.  Then ya get two
large bricks and wham 'em togetter right where the balls 'ang down."  The
American was aghast: "Omigod!  That sounds brutal!  Doesn't that hurt?" 
To which the Aussie replied, "Not if ya move your fingers fast enough,
mate."

Fourth, I don't suppose I should reply to this young researcher.  He's
almost certainly underage; and the preceding paragraph is the extent of my
knowledge on the topic.  If he really wants my answer, he'll find it when
he does his next search with those same keywords.

Second Note: Readers constantly ask me where to find the stories that I
review.  One of the best sources of good stories is the web site at
http://proffa.cc.tut.fi/~k113973/, which posts my list of the Top Stories
of 1995, plus the original reviews of those 100 stories, plus the stories
themselves. I myself do NOT have any direct role in that web site.  I
appreciate that person's efforts, and I cooperate with him; but it's
entirely his operation.  

I do not supply a mailing list or a home page.  If anyone wants to offer
this service, it's OK with me.  I am not interested in making money.  This
is a hobby for me.  All I want is proper credit.

Here are some other strategies for using my lists and reviews in order to
find good stories.  {There are numerous other ways to find stories.  The
following paragraphs are devoted to ways for making best use of MY lists
and reviews.}

Your best bet for good stories is to use my Top 15 Stories for each month.
Each month I list what I consider to be the best stories that I reviewed
in my Celestial Reviews that month.  In a typical month I review 80-90
stories, and this list will give you some of the best.  Quality has
improved so rapidly over the last year that stories on the monthly lists
are invariably as good as those on the Top 100 List for 1995.  If you have
trouble finding these reviews, use the Deja News search engine and enter
the keywords "Celeste's Stories alt.sex.stories." That will give you
several lists, depending on how far back the search goes {I think the
default value is something like 45 days, which would be two months}.

I post my Celestial Reviews each Wednesday and Saturday (or thereabouts)
on alt.sex.stories.  {It may seem stupid to state this here in an issue of
Celestial Reviews, but I suspect that this message will be reposted
elsewhere.  So be patient or skip this paragraph.}  In these reviews I
review a larger number of stories - some good and some not so good.  I
rate each story, and select my Top Stories of each month from this list. 
The advantage to checking the individual reviews is that you can find
stories that are good but which did not make the Top 15 list.  Since your
judgment may differ from mine, you may find stories that are even more
enjoyable than those on the Top 15 lists.  If you have trouble finding
these reviews, use the Deja News search engine and enter the keywords
"Celestial Reviews alt.sex.stories."  That will probably give you 10 to 15
issues, which will give you reviews of over a hundred stories.

One you find a story you like, you can find it by using the Deja News
search engine and entering the keywords "Name of Story alt.sex.stories." 
Of course you should enter two or three main words from the title instead
of "Name of Story." It's a good idea to enter "alt.sex.stories" as a
keyword, because that narrows the search considerably.  I have achieved
nearly 100% accuracy at obtaining RECENT stories through the Deja News
search engine.  Note that Deja News searches ONLY for complete words -
which means consecutive strings of letters without spaces. That means that
if you enter "Celeste," the search will not find "Celeste's Top 15" or
"Celestial Reviews," unless those words appear somewhere in the article.
If you enter two words, the computer will look for articles that contain
BOTH words anywhere in the article.

Incidentally, once you find a story you like, you can do an Author Profile
search on Deja News to find other stories by the same author.

The service at www.reference.com works in much the same way.  I just
personally prefer Deja News.

Finally, it's a good idea to look for stories by specific authors whom you
enjoy.  In my FAQ I list a large number of good authors.  You can find my
most current FAQ through the Deja News search engine by entering the
keywords "Celestial FAQ alt.sex.stories."  Then enter the name of the
author you want into the Deja News search - or find one story by that
author and do an Author Profile search.

In my FAQ I also list a large number of web sites and other services (such
as the Backdrop club) that will enable you to find specific stories or
stories by specific authors.

I hope this is helpful.

- Celeste

      "Rain Sings a Sad Song" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
            (romance) 10, 9, 9
      "Home Improvement" by Uncle Mike 
            (sitcom parody) 10, 8. 8
      "Highway Patrol" by Ann Douglas (ff sex with a cop)
            9, 8, 8
      "Coffee?" by Mark Aster (sexual tension) 10, 8, 8
      "John's Fantasy" by DJ (spouse watching) 10, 10, 10
      "American As..." by Deidre Ng (patriotic sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Skin on Skin on Skin" by Backrub (hot threesome) 
            10, 10, 10
    * "Raped Teen Burglar" by TEX (rape) 10, 10, 10
      "Catalyst" by Mark (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10

* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently
      been reposted).

"Rain Sings a Sad Song" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). 
This is not a really sexy story; it's more romantic or poignant than sexy.
 This story is so mainstream that it could be published in Redbook; heck,
it could be published in Good Housekeeping!  And I mean that in a good
way!  It's about two people who had been lovers and who meet near a lake
after he has left his current lover behind for the night. They spend the
rainy night together.  The night together is probably necessary or
inevitable, but it doesn't change or solve anything.

Ratings for "Rain Sings a Sad Song"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Home Improvement: Do Not Go Gentle" by Uncle Mike
(fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).  Jonathan and Zachary play the roles of the
two older kids on "Home Improvement."  Shooting has been canceled for the
day because Tim (the star) and Taron (the other kid) got injured and had
to go to the hospital when Taron tried to hit Tim across the knee with a
real board that the other kids had convinced Taron was a  phony board and
Tim had dropped onto Taron a belt sander which he was not holding very
securely because of a burn he had suffered on the job.  There!  That
should demonstrate the importance of using several short, clear sentences
in place of one long sentence.  If the preceding wasn't clear, don't
worry.  It wasn't important anyway: it was just a setup, so that Jon and
Zach can visit Pat (the female lead) in her dressing room and have sex
with her.

The mischievous lads' basic theory is that since they're probably going to
be fired from the show anyway, they'll rape Pat and then have the
producers pay them off so they won't tell the tabloids they did it. 
American children are so creative!  More precisely, Pat will come out of
her dressing room and notice that nobody else is there, but she will
assume that it is a surprise party or a bloopers out-take and will just
hop into the bed when the guys ask her to do so.  This is so crazy it just
might work!  But they'll probably have to tie her up.

Ratings for "Home Improvement"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Highway Patrol" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). Angela Foster
is a beautiful American television star - her network's answer to Pamela
What's-her-name of Baywatch.  Upset at her agent, she is speeding down the
highway, when she sees the flashing lights of a police car in her
rear-view mirror.  She decides to outrun the cop in her agent's shiny
yellow Viper, but a second officer eventually blocks the road.  She
figures she'll have to give a couple of blow jobs to get out of this tight
spot, but then she discovers that both officers are females.  The fact
that the officers sarcastically refer to her television show as "Babes in
Blue" combines with her maximum speed of 165 mph during the chase to give
Angela a pessimistic prediction of the disposition of her case.  Things
look even worse when they find cocaine in the glove compartment.

Through brief but resourceful negotiations, Angela gets out of trouble by
having sex with one of the officers while the other watches.  The sex is
hot and vivid; and the fact that Angela is a stuck-up, snotty bitch adds
to the enjoyment.

Ratings for "Highway Patrol"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Coffee?" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  Sirens blare in the
background!  Fireworks explode!  Confetti and brightly colored balloons
waft gently to the ground.  This is the 1000th story I have reviewed!!! 
Actually, that's probably not quite true.  I have reviewed several stories
more than once; and some stories have multiple parts and are difficult to
count.  What is true is that this story is labeled record number 1000 in
the database with which I keep track of the stories I review.  The
recipient gets 31 days of sexual bliss with the partner(s) of his/her
choice - starting now.

It is fitting that this honor should fall to Mark Aster, who is one of my
favorite authors.  Indeed, the odds were that it would fall to either him
or Deirdre, since together they account for 19.5% of all the stories I
have reviewed.  This author usually writes in the first person about a
fictitious relationship with the lovely but lewd and lascivious Allen
sisters and some of their acquaintances.  In the current story the author
again speaks in the first person, but it's not obvious that this story is
in any way related to the others.  If this story is told from the
perspective of the narrator of most of the other Allen Sister stories,
then it must be earlier in the sequence - before he began his intimate
relationship with Pat and Julie.  Taken alone, this story is a description
of a hot but unfulfilling mini-relationship between a guy and a girl he
meets in the laundromat.  The man obviously wants to get to know the woman
better and flirts with her - I suppose offering to let her use his shower
and massaging her toes afterwards constitutes flirting; but she is wearing
a wedding ring and walks away from any potential relationship.  Of course,
in subsequent weeks it may become obvious that this is an integral part of
a more complex story - which would enhance its value greatly.  One of this
author's major strengths is that although his stories are often very hot
sexually, he takes the time to develop aspects of the story that are not
obviously related to sex - that is, they are related to sexuality, but the
connection is not immediately obvious to the reader. This indirect
approach to sex often makes the explicit sex even sexier.

In short, this story ties with Mark's best in style with a perfect 10. 
{Actually, I think 10 is the ONLY rating he has ever received for style.} 
However, its ratings of 8 for content and appeal to author are both below
the author's average of 9.86 for content and 9.83 for appeal to me.  Mark
has done much better than this; my own favorites among his stories include
"Heat," "Do You Want It?", "Rain," and "Library of Congress."  A
particular favorite of mine is "Buckets of Cum."  My fondness for that
story arises partly from the fact that I had often stated a distaste for
"buckets of cum" and "wannafuck" stories; and then this author posted a
story with that title to which I had to give perfect ratings!

Ratings for "Coffee?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"John's Fantasy" by DJ (103666.3074@compuserve.com).  {DJ is the Artist
Formerly Known as DJ810.  In the future, I shall refer to this author as
DJ, unless the name is changed again - in which case I shall then refer to
this author as the Artist Formerly Known as DJ.}   

Dana and her husband John are at a party, where she overhears the most
handsome man she has ever seen say that he doesn't believe there are any
real masochists in the world. He says he has never known a man that could
transform pain into sexual pleasure, but he has known women who have
accepted it because they loved their tormentors more than they hated the
pain. He also adds that he doesn't believe there are any husbands that
enjoy seeing or knowing that their wife is with another man. There's a
third popular conception in which he doesn't believe, but he declines to
mention that one in mixed company.

So here's the setup.  Dana loves John (as the scenes after the party amply
demonstrate).  John's Great Fantasy entails Dana having sex with another
man.  Dana would like to do it with the Handsome Guy, which would fulfill
John's fantasy; but the Handsome Guy specifically denies that John (if he
exists) would really like this.  Dana makes a date with the Handsome Guy;
and when she tries to wiggle out of it, John encourages her to keep the
date.  She keeps the date.  You'll have to read the story to see what
happens next.

I see Rene Descartes somewhere behind this story, but it's kind of hard to
explain.  Also, although I think it's possible to build up a "natural law"
argument against the morality or psychological soundness of masochism,
wife-swapping, and the unnamed third sin, it's patently absurd to say that
there are no people who enjoy these activities.  That would be like
arguing that none of Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of bells or
metronomes or whatever.  It would be possible to argue that people who
enjoy these behaviors are confused or that they "shouldn't" do these
things; but the obvious fact is that these people do exist.  To argue that
these people don't exist is about as silly as to suggest that _everybody_
enjoys pain or wife swapping - which, of course, is the idea behind most
of the bdsm and wife-watching stories posted with this newsgroup. 
Hmmmm....

Ratings for "John's Fantasy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"American As..." by Deidre Ng (patriotic sex). Sirens blare in the
background!  Fireworks explode!  Confetti and brightly colored balloons
waft gently to the ground.  No; this is NOT again the 1000th story I have
reviewed; this time the pyrotechnics, etc., are part of the story.  Deidre
Ng has become an American citizen!  To celebrate, she and her sister and
their boyfriends do something uniquely American - they go to Chinatown.

This is a hilariously sexy story.  It's possible, of course, that the
author is not trying to be funny or sexy - that she may merely be relating
the events that filled an important evening in the life of a
Chinese-Canadian woman celebrating her enfranchisement and standing
topless in the ladies' restroom yelling sexual innuendoes at her equally
untopped but more outspoken sister.  Serves 'em right - those sweaters
were like fashion foreplay anyway.

Or, as David put it

 "I mean you look really sexy in that outfit."
 "So sexy you have to fuck me even before I can take it off?"
 "Overpoweringly sexy."
 "Now that I'm a citizen, don't I get a vote on the subject?"
 "You'll have to hold an erection to vote on that."
 "Planning on stuffing the ballot box, are you?"

I constantly tell my students to find a main idea and to stick to it. 
This delightful story proves that I don't know what I am talking about.

Ratings for "American As..."
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Skin on Skin on Skin" by Backrub (BCKRUB@aol.com).  It all starts when
Stevie is playing a simple game of strip poker with her boyfriend Brad. 
His roommate John comes home right after Stevie has lost her last remnant
of clothing; and what else could they do?  They engage in very hot
threeway sex that I found to be very enjoyable reading.

Is this what we're paying good money for when we send our kids to
college!?! Well, I guess that's OK - as long as they also study real hard
and write home about their activities in sufficient, delectable detail.

Ratings for "Skin on Skin on Skin"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

(Continued in 2/2)
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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d
Subject: Celestial Reviews 116 - Sept 11 (2/2)
Date: 11 Sep 1996 14:54:38 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
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Status: N

Celestial Reviews 116 - Sept 11, 1996 (2/2)

(Continued from 1/2)

* "Raped Teen Burglar" by TEX.  I recently mentioned this story as an
example of a VALID way that one author could use and transform the writing
of another author.  Some people disagreed with me; and I am happy that the
story has been reposted, so that you can form your own opinion.

Several months ago a writer who called himself the Bashful Pervert
recently posted a message in which he severely lambasted TEX as a
self-righteous asshole who couldn't distinguish between fantasy and
reality. TEX's literary crime was that he had taken a story posted by
someone else and had added an "ending" that gave the story an entirely
different impact.  My own opinion of "Raped Teen Burglar" is that TEX's
revision is one of the most literate and realistic stories that have ever
appeared on a.s.s.  

In the original story, a young man catches a teenage girl burglarizing his
apartment; and as a "punishment" he has a good ole time with her.  The
original story ends with an assertion by the rapist that he'll be boinking
her on a regular basis from now on.  TEX's part of the story begins with
"Or so he thought!" and continues with the arrest of the rapist and his
subsequent gang-rape in prison.  TEX's part of the story could stand on
its own as a good story; but what makes it beautiful is the contrast to
the original half.  TEX uses almost the exact words of the original
author, but he turns them against the rapist rather than the teenage girl.
 In addition, TEX turns the inarticulate driveling of the original author
into a literate presentation of graphic details.

TEX is simultaneously engaging in satire and naturalism.  (Maybe he's John
Steinbeck reincarnated - living in a literary commune in Sulfur Springs.) 
The term "naturalism" refers to the idea of presenting a story in graphic
detail so that real life comes across as "more real" than it really is. 
That definition will get you a C- (That's pronounced C minus.  It has
nothing to do with a programming language.) in most college courses; but I
got it from an excellent professor (with whom I did not have sex), and I
like it.  We've had other examples of naturalism on this newsgroup, and
some of them have been well written (e.g., Dafney DeWitt's "Spare
Change").  I see nothing wrong with authors writing from this perspective.

The Bashful Pervert was particularly upset because the theme of the
original story brought back memories of a lover with whom he had played
out a 'burglar gets caught and raped' fantasy."  He had told her that he
had the story, and she was very excited to read it, saying that that scene
was the hottest netsex that she had ever had. Because of TEX's perverse
distortion of the story, the Bashful Pervert now felt he had to tell her
that "some fuckhead who couldn't distinguish fantasy from reality had
found it necessary to ruin the story."  Chill out, Mr. Pervert.  No such
radical step is necessary.  Just clip off TEX's ending of the story and
you'll have exactly what the original author wrote.  Ship the original
story to your friend, and she'll never be any the wiser.  If she complains
that the story has an unrealistic ending, that's the original author's
fault.

After I wrote the preceding paragraph, I found another posting on a.s.s.
from somebody named Escamilio, agreeing with the Bashful Pervert: "'TEX'
is a total self-righteous asshole. And how come 'TEX' considers it OK to
brutally rape a male prisoner but not to rape a female criminal? 'All out
of proportion' indeed!"  I think the irony here is fabulous.  TEX has
never suggested that raping a male prisoner is OK; all he has done is put
the two sets of events back to back.  What is happening is that people who
think it would be fun and games to rape a teenager suddenly find
themselves betrayed when they find their "hero" getting raped himself -
"when they had been set up to look for more fun and games."  The fault,
dear Perverts, is in the eyes of the reader, not in the words of the
author.

Incidentally, I do believe that TEX engages in a bit of a Pollyanna ending
when he says the girl grew up to be a normally happy, well-adjusted adult.
But so what?  Some of the most popular stories on a.s.s. do a similar
Pollyanna routine when they present adults fucking children or people
becoming sex slaves with absolutely no ill effects on anyone's
personality.  Chill out.  It's just a string of words.

If TEX is a self-righteous asshole, I wish more SRA's would handle their
self-righteousness the way he has.  He has not demanded that a.s.s. be
shut down.  Quite the contrary, he has joined us and chosen to fight us on
our own terms.  What he has done is to say: "This story was unrealistic. 
Here's the full story.  Now see how you like it!"  These two readers did
not like it at all.  The reason.  Why, because some SRA has had the nerve
to point out that turning an unconvicted thief into a lifelong sex slave
may not be all the fun that it's cracked up to be!  That's a far step from
those SRA's who want to close us down.

Using my current rating system, I would have rated the original story 5,
8, 1.  It was very badly written; but it did represent a good attempt at
the typical "burglar gets caught and raped" theme.  On the other hand, I
disliked it because it came across to me as extraordinarily simplistic. 
TEX's revision gets straight 10's.  I DO think that TEX became excessively
moralistic at the very end of the story; but I am going to forgive him for
that.  (Maybe he wants to publish the story in his church bulletin and he
was afraid that the little old ladies of the congregation would be shocked
if he wasn't really explicit about the moral of his story.)  The Bashful
Pervert's reaction shows me that TEX has accomplished his goal; TEX has
taken almost the exact words and plot of the original author and has
fiendishly turned it around to achieve an entirely different effect.

I was drawn to review this story the second time by the Bashful Pervert's
flame of TEX in a.s.s.  It annoys me to see an author denounced as an
asshole or fuckhead simply because he has posted a story at variance with
the critic's own value system.  I am used to such flames from the Real
Assholes and Fuckheads (the people who want to close down sex stories on
the Internet), but I would hope that we of all people would show a larger
degree of courtesy to people whose values differ from our own.  TEX
apparently has the "personality deficit" of disliking exploitive sexual
activities.  Instead of flaming the original author or demanding that our
newsgroup be abolished and all its readers consigned to eternal damnation,
he has responded by writing us a damned good story.  I think we should
thank him for that.

From the plagiarism perspective, I think TEX has performed admirably. 
What he has written is actually a combination of a sequel and a parody. 
As such, it is meaningless without the original story; and so he gives us
the first story, clearly indicates when it ends, and then adds his own
story to that.  In his own part he uses very many of the same words and
ideas as the original author, but he makes "minor" changes that give the
story an entirely different impact.  He HAS to do this if he wants to
accomplish his task of overturning the ideas of the original writer.  This
is far different from what someone did to Randu's "Double Trouble."  TEX
has confronted and contradicted an author's ideas; the anonymous reviser
of "Double Trouble" has simply stolen another author's work.

I have re-reviewed this story largely because it fits in with the
plagiarism discussion.  But I want to reiterate that I think it is an
excellent story in its own right.

Ratings for "Raped Teen Burglar"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Catalyst" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk).  All the other stories in
this issue were written by "regulars" - people whose stories I have
reviewed before.  In many cases the authors were kind enough to send the
stories to me for my convenience.  And a fine bunch of stories they are! 
I remember seeing this one in the postings; but I decided to skip it,
because I already had too many stories to read.  Then a reader clipped it
and sent it to me with his recommendation.  I want to thank that reader. 
This is an excellent story by an author I have never read before.

In chemistry class we learned that a catalyst is a substance, usually used
in small amounts relative to the reactants, that modifies and increases
the rate of a reaction without itself being consumed in the process.
Through metaphor, the term also refers to a person who precipitates a
process or event, especially without being involved in or changed by the
consequences.  That's the role of this story's narrator, who observes a
freshman girl at a party lusting after the hunk across the room.  The
narrator has two problems: (1) to bring the two together so that they can
fulfill their mutual urges and (2) to do so in such a way as to be able to
watch their hot interaction.  I'd tell you more, but it will be more fun
for you to find out the rest for yourself.

The author is posting these as part of an "Alphabet Series."  I plan to
look for more stories in this series.

Ratings for "Catalyst"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10