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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Subject: Celestial Reviews 110 - Aug 21
Date: 21 Aug 1996 11:58:47 -0400
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Celestial Reviews 110 - Aug 21, 1996

Note: Remember the proofreading service!  If you would like free help on a
story, send me a request; and I'll match you up with one of the volunteers
who have offered to help authors by offering suggestions about the
grammar, style, and content of preliminary drafts of stories.  This
service is often very useful to authors and enjoyable to proofreaders.  In
addition, if you would like to volunteer your services as a proofreader,
please contact me.

- Celeste

      "Lady" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (hitchhiker sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Sewed In" by Unknown Author (transvestite sex) 9, 8, 6
      "Virgin" by Pfloyd  (sex with virgin slut) 9, 7, 8
      "Lucky Dog" by Brother Wolf (real doggy-style sex)
            10, 8, 8
      "He Doesn't (Love Her Like I Do)" by Uther Pendragon 
            (emerging adolescence)  10, 10, 10
      "The Dick: Confessions of a Private Eye" by Sandman 
            (private detective orgies) 9, 10, 10
      "Friction" by Mark Aster (threesome) 10, 9, 9
      "Tomboy" by Jordan Shelbourne (emerging adolescence)
            10, 10, 10

"Lady" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  A scared young
woman is hitchhiking.  She feels frightened, but she knows that it is
safer to look sexy rather than scared.  A truck driver picks her up.  He
likes her looks, but then he realizes how vulnerable she is.

The nice thing about this story is that all you can guess from the
description I have given you is that there is going to be a creative,
well-written ending to the story.  With other authors. I can use my
knowledge of their writing habits to predict the ending.  With this one, I
felt hopeless but interested.  In this case I was concerned that the woman
was in the truck with a homicidal maniac, who would rape and kill her
because she wouldn't give him what he wanted.  My apprehension was
reasonable, based on the situation, rather than a simple knowledge that
this is the kind of story this author writes.

I have not yet been seriously disappointed with this author, and after
this story her reputation is still intact with me.

Ratings for "Lady"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Friction" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  There is trouble in
paradise.  Mike (a lesbian introduced last week in "Dykes Crossing") and
Our Hero (the lad who has performed the honors of impregnating Pat) appear
to be in direct competition - vying for Pat's attention and affection. 
Julie (Pat's younger but equally lascivious sister) suggests a solution: a
joint emboikment, with Our Hero filling Pat's anal cavity while Mike works
the front side.  Will the dyke and the hetboy work out their hostilities
and become friends?  Will Pat feel exploited by this competition among her
suitors? And to what activity or abstract concept does the title refer? 
You can probably guess the answers, but you should read the story to see
what the author has to say.

Ratings for "Friction"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sewed In" by Unknown Author.  The man is eager for some sex, but his
girlfriend insists that he try on some of her clothes instead, while she
makes some final adjustments to her wardrobe.  Ooops!  She has sewn him
into the clothes.  Now she'll have to shave his legs and all that stuff
and pass him off as a female when they go on their date.  The guy likes it
and wears female clothing as much as possible thereafter.

Ratings for "Sewed In"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Virgin" by Pfloyd (pfloyd@pobox.com).  The man's wife is out of town; and
while he steps out to get the mail, he notices his beautiful 18-year-old
neighbor, to whom he has never spoken before, sunbathing in a string
bikini.  "Hi," he says; "You look great in that bikini. I'll bet your
boyfriend enjoys your body." "Hi yourself," she says; "Would you teach me
about sex? Please!"  So he invites her into his house.  The original offer
only extended to heavy petting and oral sex; but the guy manages to pop
her cherry with his pulsating, hard cock, much to their mutual enjoyment.

This author asked for advice; so here it is.

(1)  The first paragraph of the story focuses on the guy's need to see his
wife having sex with someone else or to engage in a menage a trois.  That
has nothing to do with the rest of the present story.

(2)  The timing is occasionally off.  For example, I have slightly
exaggerated how quickly these two decide to fuck - but not much.  The
setup could be improved.

(3)  The author sometimes goes into too many details.  This is almost the
opposite of suggestion (2).  The point is, it's not always important to
mention that the guy took his shoes off.  To combine (2) and (3), we could
say that the author should mention details, but only relevant details, and
should give the reader some hint as to why they are relevant.

(4)  The author should avoid stereotypical language.  For example, not all
cocks have to be pulsating or even hard.  Overused expressions are
referred to as cliches; and writers should avoid them like the plague. 
{Get it?  "Avoid them like the plague" is itself a cliche.}  Unless I am
mistaken, Mark Aster has written 42 highly descriptive, erotic stories in
his Allen Sisters saga; and he has never once used the word "hard" or
"monster" to modify anyone's cock.  Aspiring authors should check out
those stories to find ideas for better adjectives.

Actually, this is a pretty good story.  {It HAS to be, to get such high
ratings after everything I just said about it.}  The mistakes this author
makes are common in the writing of many authors, and I hope many other
writers can benefit from my suggestions.  This author says in his prologue
that he is reposting this story after writing it a couple of years ago and
is considering improving or finishing it.  I think now would be an
excellent time to do so.  It's difficult to revise a story when one is too
close to it; but after a period of time has passed, it's almost like
reading someone else's writing.  I wish this author good luck in writing
and revision.

Incidentally - with regard to the story line - this story is based on a
widespread belief that virgins need to "learn" how to have sex.  That's
largely bullshit.  People do in fact learn to please others as a result of
their own personal or vicarious experiences; but there is nothing
inherently defective about two virgins going at it together.  In fact, in
this story itself the girl does pretty well on the basis of her naive
intuition.  My husband and I were both virgins when we first made love
together; and I wouldn't trade those early experiences for anything!  The
keys are to relax, trust each other, and do what comes naturally.  

Ratings for "Virgin"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Lucky Dog" by Brother Wolf.  In this EBS repost Jeremy lives on the
Canadian Shield in Eastern Ontario.  He has found himself a private place
deep in the rocky woods - a den where he can go to be alone and
masturbate, where he is free from his nosy sister Francine.

One day, while he is walking to his den, Jeremy sees his dog Jackie
fucking his sister Francine.  He sneaks closer for a better look. He badly
wants to have sex with Francine right then, but she is his sister; and, of
course, he knows incest just isn't a good thing to do.  Francine sees him
and tells him to go away.  Jeremy threatens to expose her (so to speak),
unless she lets him touch her pussy.  She replies that that would be
disgusting.  But she gives in and gives in and gives in, and soon Jeremy
fucks his sister.  Then she suggests that maybe Jackie the Dog should fuck
Jeremy.  Since Jeremy is not a fag and neither is Jackie the Dog, the boy
calls his sister's bluff, believing that nothing will happen.  Wrong!

At first I thought this story was improbable, but then I remembered that
this WAS the Canadian Shield and, after all, I have a friend who says
she's been having sex with a real son of a bitch and Jackie would
certainly fit that description.... 

While we're on the topic, let me point out that "bestiality" omits the
initial "a" in "beast."  If we're going to be perverts, we might as well
spell our perversions correctly.

Ratings for "Lucky Dog"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"He Doesn't (Love Her Like I Do)" by Uther Pendragon
(an569889@anon.penet.fi).  This story is written from a most unusual
perspective - from the viewpoint of a dog who belongs to a young girl
going through adolescence.  We see most of the sexual activity only
indirectly - we have to surmise it through the mind of the dog, who draws
most of his conclusions by looking and sniffing.  The girl cries a lot,
has different smells on her fingers and in her crotch, and occasionally
rubs bouillon into her body for Wiggles to lick out while she moans
gently.  It must have been a challenging task to write an entire story
from this perspective; but the author carries it off beautifully.  I truly
enjoyed this story.

Ratings for "He Doesn't (Love Her Like I Do)"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Dick: Confessions of a Private Eye" by Sandman (bd654@scn.org). 
Many, many years ago, a sweet old nun was making a genuine effort to
enliven her English class by showing some films of classic movies.  This
was in the days before VCRs were available in all classrooms.  She rolled
out her 16 mm projector and showed the film that she had obtained for free
from the public library.  I forget what that film was; but after it was
over, the sweet old nun said, "And if you're all good, Friday I'll show
you "The Bank Dick."  A titter ran through the room.  {That sentence
itself is a punchline to a joke; but we shall not digress at this time.} 
The nun called on a young student - in fact, an A student who would later
become an English teacher and reviewer of smutty stories, but who {That's
right, "who" - this is a complex thought.} - but who the sweet old nun
secretly hoped would become a sweet young nun - she called on this young
student in front of the whole class and asked her to kindly explain what
was so funny.  At first the student evaded the issue with clever responses
like, "Nothing" and "I don't know."  However, the silly grins that the
other students were urged to wipe off their faces - along with the titter
that kept running through the class - caused the sweet old nun to persist;
and eventually the student replied, "Sister, I think 'dick' is a vulgar
term that refers to the male penis."  The grins quickly disappeared; and
the titter came to a halt; and the student discovered the meaning of the
metaphor "killing the messenger."  

The sweet old nun called my mother that evening and told her that I "knew
things that no good girl should know."  As I stood in the kitchen
listening to the phone call, I came to a new understanding of the metaphor
"scared shitless."  My mother responded, "Thank you, sister. I think
perhaps you had better pray for her."  Then she hung up the phone, looked
at me sternly, shook her head sadly, and said, "Nuns can be weird
sometimes.  You did fine."

To this very day I don't know how the term "dick" became applied to these
disparate concepts; but I still get a silly grin that has to be wiped off
my face whenever I hear the d-word applied to a private eye.

Anyway, this is not your ordinary "interracial" sex story.  Bernard, the
black stud, sports a simple five-incher, rather than the usual monster
cock.  He also has a problem with premature ejaculation, which his
red-headed, white girlfriend handles sympathetically.  The private
detective has been hired by Bernard's black wife with a great ass to get
the dirt on Bernie, so that she can dump him and make off with his money. 
The detective, of course, becomes enamored with his client; and then, of
course, he also becomes enamored with the husband's mistress, who has the
most incredible tongue this dick has ever come across. {Sometimes I
suspect that some of these double meanings are intentional.}

To make a long story short, the ladies meet and hit it off together.  Some
of the racial epithets are not politically correct; but then these ladies
are not politicians.  Although Sheila is a redhead of apparent European
ancestry, she is conversant with African American literature, as we can
see from this excerpt addressed to her new dark-skinned friend:

"You have the most beautiful ass in the whole world.  I should know, I
just tasted it.  Your asshole tastes so great.  Please don't spank me for
my comments.  But whatever you do, don't ram one of the dildos in my
dresser up my cunt while spanking me.  That would hurt even more.  I never
want to feel such pain ever again." Br'er Rabbit couldn't have said it
better.

The story is chockfull of surprises and wonderful events: crescendos,
blowjobs, puckered and gaping assholes, wad after wad shooting across
cyberspace, and even a double underwater blow job in the bathtub at 5:00
a.m.  All of this is described in the objective tone and with the
metaphors typical of a detective in a dime-novel or B-movie.

Near the end of the story (in the pre-ante-penultimate paragraph, to be
precise), we find these lines:  "These two beautiful bodies, lying against
one another, were now facing me in such a way that I could see their four
holes lined up in a line: asshole, cunt, cunt, asshole.  It was a
beautiful and erotic sight.  I paused to consider my situation, scratching
my balls in the process." Writers of detective stories always talk like
this.

And antepenultimately: "If you can't lick 'em, fuck 'em!"

OK.  Just in case you don't know the joke that goes with that punchline,
here it is.  The ladies of the church society had arranged to have the
children act out the Christmas play as the script was being read to the
congregation.  {There's a whole lot more that can be added here.  Use your
creative imagination.}  Right after the cute little kid appeared while the
angel talking to the shepherds, another cute little boy ran through the
assembled worshippers and rapidly fondled all the women's breasts.  The
minister jumped to his feet and shouted, "What in the HELL is going on
here!"  The director waved the script in front of him and said, "It says
right here in parentheses in the script you gave me: 'A titter runs
through the congregation.'"  Or something like that.

Ratings for "The Dick"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Friction" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  There is trouble in
paradise.  Mike (a lesbian introduced last week in "Dykes Crossing") and
Our Hero (the lad who has performed the honors of impregnating Pat) appear
to be in direct competition - vying for Pat's attention and affection. 
Julie (Pat's younger but equally lascivious sister) suggests a solution: a
joint emboikment, with Our Hero filling Pat's anal cavity while Mike works
the front side.  Will the dyke and the hetboy work out their hostilities
and become friends?  Will Pat feel exploited by this competition among her
suitors? And to what activity or abstract concept does the title refer? 
You can probably guess the answers, but you should read the story to see
what the author has to say.

Ratings for "Friction"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Tomboy" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).  Occasionally I make a
truly earth-shaking discovery.  This is one of those times.  Have you ever
wondered why Harper Lee wrote only one novel that anyone cares about, even
though that one novel (To Kill a Mockingbird) is read by almost every high
school student in the United States?  Have you ever wondered whether
Harper Lee was a man or a woman?  Have you ever wondered what Harper Lee
is doing right now?  I'll ignore the first two questions, but the answer
to the third appears to be that Harper Lee is writing stories for this
newsgroup under the pseudonym of Jordan Shelbourne!

When I read a story, I HAVE to imagine somebody in the roles of the main
characters.  For example, I picture myself as Pat Allen when I read Mark
Aster's stories; it was easy to picture my husband as Joey in "A Rude
Awakening"; and one of the reasons I like to read sitcom parodies is
because it's easy to picture the actors as the protagonists.  As I read
"Tomboy," the author's style naturally led me to picture Scout from "To
Kill a Mockingbird" as Spike and Dill as Kip.  Maybe I've been doing too
many lesson plans, but look at this passage:

"I know that sounds stupid.  I mean, I was looking forward to the first
time I ever really fucked a girl and all that, but I never thought it
would be _Spike._  Spike was something permanent in my life, and I thought
our friendship would never change.  But it had.  Spike had just become
something, someone, totally different and I didn't know what, and I didn't
know what was allowed between us."

If that's not Harper Lee talking, I don't know who it is!  Anyway, the
story is about a young boy who goes away to summer camp and returns home
to find his best friend has grown up and is not happy about her new-found
sexual characteristics.  Nothing a little touchie-feelie won't cure!

Ratings for "Tomboy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10