Subject: Celestial Reviews 108 - Aug 14 From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801) Date: 1996/08/14 Message-Id: <4uspsv$l3q@newsbf02.news.aol.com> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories [More Headers] Celestial Reviews 108 - Aug 14, 1996 Note: Correspondents often express to me the wish that they could find the better stories on this newsgroup more easily. The often say that my reviews are helpful, but they have trouble finding the stories that I review. The especially have problems with the stories on my monthly Top 15 lists. There are several solutions: 1. The authors could repost the stories. (Several authors do so whenever their stories make the Top 15 list. I certainly appreciate this.) 2. Readers could use search engines on the WWW that find previously posted Usenet entries. Two good services are Deja News and reference.com, which I have often cited in my notes and in my FAQ. 3. Authors could post their stories on their own home pages. (A growing number of the best authors are beginning to do this. I post my current list of home pages at least once a month.) 4. Someone could offer a service that would archive the monthly Top Ten lists, the reviews of those top stories, and the stories themselves. This has been suggested several times. At the present time I have an offer from an enthusiastic person who says he will help someone perform this service, but he has no money to spend on such a project. I have no idea what this would cost. If someone is willing to supply the site, I'll put that person in touch with the volunteer who contacted me. Incidentally, I assume that this project would be carried out in compliance with whatever laws apply. {My own public service is limited to writing these reviews. This sounds like a good idea, and I will cooperate to implement; but someone else will have to bring this to fruition.} A similar service already exists for my Top 100 Stories of 1995 (http://proffa.cc.tut.fi/~k113973/). 5. In addition, I think the BackDrop (http://www.fantasies.com.) currently makes available all of my reviews plus a large number of the stories. That organization mails individual stories to non-members on a request basis. I'll post in a CR Note any information that develops with regard to this topic. Second Note: I'd like to express my appreciation to the person who passed along my question to Deb Atwood regarding "Churche House." Although that story was posted as "Chapter 1" in the THC Archives, it has only one chapter. Since my rating of that story was negatively influenced by the fact that I thought part of it was missing, I've raised the rating to 10, 10, 9.5. - Celeste "Just Reading News" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (cybersex & masturbation) 10, 10, 10 "Blindfold" by Unknown Author (bdsm) 10, 6, 10 "Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied" by Steve R (wartime sex) 9, 8, 8 "Afternoon Encounter" by Steve R. (quickie) 8, 4, 4 "Supergirl" by Ann Douglas (superhero sex) 9, 10, 10 "SNIP!" by Vickie Tern (transgender chicanery) 10, 10, 10 "The Anatomy Lesson" by Michael Dagley (emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10 "Dyke Crossing" by Mark Aster (lesbian & group sex) 10, 10, 10 "Brown Nosing" by Phil Phantom (fun-loving incest and child molestation) 9.5, 9.5, 10 "Just Reading News" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). The narrator is a woman much like many of those reading this review right now. She has worked hard all day; she has dealt with the normal turn-ons and turn-offs of life; and now she is comfortably seated in front of her computer, reading a.s.s. stories and playing her furry fiddle. She even dresses carefully for the occasion - silk and lace, the perfect combination of smoothness and roughness for stimulating the ole fun hole. I imagine there are even some guys out there who likewise take matters into their own hands or take the monster for a one-armed ride while they read these stories. There isn't really that much to this story - just a woman getting high on life until her nosy roommate gets home in another hour or so. Try it, you'll like it. You, of course, have the advantage of these fine reviews to help separate the wheat from the chaff and get straight to the high-quality, orgasm-inducing smut. Ratings for "Just Reading News" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Blindfold" by Unknown Author. I found this short piece listed in the THC archives as "Blindfold (Prelude)." As the author says, this should really be part of a longer piece, but I think that it also works on it's own as a sort of vignette. The author says that he/she is not sure whether to persevere with it, or to bury it quietly. The author asks what we readers think; but someone has kindly stripped away any identification of the author, and so it is impossible to respond personally to that question. I have commented many times that I dislike bdsm stories in which one person is cruel to another. On the other hand, I enjoy bondage stories in which a woman (for example) turns over control of her body and her emotions to another person, who delights in making his lover happy. The full story into which this vignette would be inserted could go either way; but as I read it I imagined my lover approaching my bound and blindfolded body and doing wonderful things to it - often things that I might be hesitant to do if the choice were left entirely to myself. This brief passage does an excellent job of making me feel that I know just what the blindfolded woman feels like, as she awaits what will happen next. Yo! Whoever you are - wherever you are - go ahead and write the rest of the story! And call it to my attention when you post it. You are an excellent writer. Ratings for "Blindfold" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied" by Steve R (burrito@mc.net). The author is reposting a set of stories labeled "Shower Tales." The title refers to the notion that the stories describe some of his favorite thoughts when he is alone in the shower. This one is labeled "Shower Tales - Candy" after the female protagonist. Candy is a 16-year-old in a Vietnam-era military family. The narrator meets her and briefly necks with her (mutual hand jobs) in the United States but doesn't see her again till they meet in Thailand, where she is a welcome relief from the local whores. Their first sex is unsatisfying to Candy, because the soldier is concerned about withdrawing before ejaculation, so that he won't get her pregnant. Since she very much wants to be in control, he kindly allows her to give him a blow job in the shower, during which she takes all the initiative. Many readers are impressed by the notion that a story is verbatim true; I am more impressed with plot management. This was a decent story, but I would have liked to see more of a focus, rather than a preoccupation with getting all the details correct. I guess it's nice that all this stuff really happened; but "Supergirl" (reviewed below), which is presumably fiction, is a lot more erotic story. Ratings for "Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Afternoon Encounter" by Steve R. (burrito@mc.net). The guy goes to see a girl at the hotel; they get undressed and fuck; and he squirts cum all over the place. That's about it. This is another story in the same series as the preceding one - labeled "Shower Tales - Rory." I guess if you're interested in the Complete Works of Steve R. this story might be more impressive. My reaction was, "Why bother posting something with so little plot development?" Ratings for "Afternoon Encounter" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Supergirl" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@Pipeline.Com). This is a nice, romantic story about the budding relationship between the Woman of Steel and Susan Wienczorkowski, an officer on the Metropolis Special Crimes Unit. Through a flashback we learn that Kara (Supergirl) had been in love with a young man on her planet before it was destroyed and she alone escaped to earth. Kryptonians made no clear distinction between straight and gay sexual behavior; and it now seemed reasonable and extremeley pleasant to fall in love with the police officer. At first I had a tendency to look for anomalies in the story. For example, when Susan took Kara out for dinner, nobody in the restaurant recognized Kara as Supergirl. These people, I said to myself, must have an amazing figure-ground problem. Maybe Kara wore glasses to the restaurant - the glasses always kept Lois Lane from figuring out that Clark Kent was Superman. However, as I got more involved in the story I found it to be a thoroughly enjoyable romantic story. I strongly recommend it. Ratings for "Supergirl Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "SNIP!" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). Men are often such anti-intellectuals. Why would an educated man skip past this story and instead read one entitled "Drunk Guys Fuck GirlS with big Tits in the Ass"? I suppose it has something to do with the legendary male fear of castration. I assure you men that this review will be harmless. For now, assume that the STORY may give you castration nightmares; but my review will be friendly - even humorous and enlightening, perhaps. Nothing will happen to your goddam balls while you read this review. I promise. So relax. First let me share with you what my encyclopedia tells us about castration. Castration is the surgical removal of one or both testicles of a male person or animal in order to suppress the development or function of the sexual glands. Male farm animals are castrated, or gelded, in order to improve the breed or make the animals more docile; house pets may be castrated to keep them from wandering or producing unwanted offspring. The practice of castrating human males is an extremely old one. In imperial China and other Oriental empires castrated men known as eunuchs occupied important court positions, and in Europe in the 16th to the 18th century male singers were sometimes castrated before puberty so that they would retain a soprano or alto vocal range. {The term Unix is pronounced exactly the same as "eunuchs." The fact that programmers typically see nothing funny when they say, "My job is to take care of the Unix system" shows either an unfamiliarity with the English language or an abysmal absence of humorous insight among these poor drudges.} Nowadays castration may be performed on men with cancer of the prostate or certain diseases of the testicles. If the operation is done after puberty, it produces sterility but has little or no effect on secondary sex characteristics. There; that wasn't so bad was it? Well, actually Freudian psychoanalysts think it IS pretty bad. In fact, they have coined a term called the "castration complex" to refer to the notion that a child may feel that he or she will be or has already been genitally mutilated as a punishment for sexual and aggressive desires. {As I've said before, Mr. Rogers of the famous television Neighborhood has a song about this childhood problem.} If these and other complexes remain unresolved and persist into adult life, they can produce disturbances in the person's love relationships and ability to work productively. No wonder you guys feel anxious when you look at this title. That exclamation point doesn't exactly alleviate your anxiety, does it? SNIP! Now on to the present story. Aurora and the male narrator come together frequently to fuck like rutting rabbits and to play delightful little games, like languorous courtesan, Amazon princess, bitch in heat, and stallion (not one of Aurora's favorites). Aurora also enjoys snippety snip, which involves hacking away (with the fingers as imaginary scissors) at hair, clothing, and other needless appendages in the region of her lover's groin. When he objects to this as even an imaginary activity, Aurora asks him why he is concerned. After all, he doesn't really need his testicles. He doesn't intend to have more kids. She certainly doesn't want children. So why keep the testicles? They're in the way when he jogs or plays tennis or does anything healthy, bouncing, and jouncing. When he's Aurora's captive maiden in her dungeon, they ruin the view; and anyone can put him into agony by punching or kicking him in the balls. And, she might add, according to my encyclopedia, if the operation is done after puberty, it has little or no effect on secondary sex characteristics. Aurora has been to a detailed sex education class. They didn't teach me this stuff in the ninth grade. Actually, they didn't teach me some of this stuff until right now. At Aurora's urging, the narrator undergoes surgery in which he mistakenly thinks he will get a practically permanent hard-on; whereas in fact he is really undergoing castration. During a crucial point in the story he asks the doctor, "Will it always be hard?" The doctor answers, "No, it gets easier with time." I always urge my students not to use "hard" when they really mean difficult. Following my teaching would have been useful here. Ooops! The poor guy was too far gone from the anesthesia to deal with grammatical niceties. Hear that, guys? You've got to make English grammar automatic in your personal lives. Otherwise, you might get your balls cut off. A further grammatical lesson ensues. Near the end of the surgery, the guy wonders if the doctor has cut his cock off. The doctor reassures him: "I'm taping your penis to one side, to keep it out of the way until the wound heals. There's a catheter in it now, so you won't need to pee. I'll remove it tomorrow before we discharge you." Grammar problem: What's the antecedent of "it"? The doctor looks up and smiles. "I mean remove the catheter, of course! My but your pulse jumped when I said that! No, this is only an orchiectomy." When the guy comes out of the anesthesia, Aurora is at his side. "Aurora, do you know what they did?" he asks. "SHE did, dear. It's a very simple operation, and doesn't really need a team." Aurora really knows her grammar! And you guys thought this story would scare you! There's nothing scary about good grammar. Back to the story. The guy soon realizes that what's done is done. All the resentment in the world won't bring his testicles back. As the saying goes, "There's no use crying over snipped off testicles." The doctor has done what she thought he wanted, and had asked him twice, and he had signed for the operation . He just hadn't picked up on her cues while they were talking. Need I say more about the value of the skills learned in a high school English class? Now, let's see what you have learned. The next day the doctor visits her patient and says, "Your body's manufacturing traces of the hormones you need to maintain firm skin texture, and other sex characteristics, and above all to maintain sexual desire. But not enough. In a few days you'll lose all interest in that part of life, when what's there now is used up. So we need to replace the hormones your testicles once manufactured with the other kind right away. You understand this, don't you?" Now, what question should this guy ask the doctor before he gives an affirmative answer? That's right! He needs to ask if the continued therapy is going to give him MALE or FEMALE hormones. To put it another way, he needs to verify that he and the doctor are on the same page of the program; and with his track record so far, he should be skeptical. {If you answered that the patient's next question should be "Is this going to be covered by insurance?", you would be right, of course - but that answer would be more appropriate for an economics class.} If all this worries you guys, just look for a girl who has a harmless hobby - like cow tipping - instead of castration. Even defenstration might be better than castration, unless she lives above the third floor. I don't want to ruin the ending for you. As you may know, this author always has logically complete and happy endings - at least they're happy if you buy into the right perspective - and, of course, if you can handle the grammar. I personally think this is the best Vickie Tern story I have yet read. And that's saying a lot! Ratings for "SNIP!" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Anatomy Lesson" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com). From time to time I reach the conclusion that since so many authors send me their stories before posting them I must by this time know all the good authors on this newsgroup. Therefore, I tell myself, there is no need to go through all those other postings that are probably a waste of time anyway. Fortunately, I ignore my own advice, and that's how I find excellent stories like this one. This story is about a 17-year-old English boy who has grown into adolescence almost completely isolated from peers - and especially from girls. His strict parents have dispassionately and sternly instilled in him a "good education"; but he knows only theoretical information. For example, he has been forced to memorize the names and locations of all the parts of the human body (including the reproductive organs of both males and females), but he has no clear idea how they all function or why anyone would want them to function. Then his elderly nurse and tutor, Moni Brunner, who was also his best and only friend, dies. Her replacement is Moni's granddaughter, Rafael, who is much closer to Gordon's own age. Although she is herself inexperienced with men, she decides during their first lesson together to teach him (1) the practical use of his theoretical information about reproductive organs and (2) the meaning of desire. I assured my husband that he would like this story; but I insisted that he read it aloud with his hands behind his head, while I did the things that Rafael did in the story. I guess you'll have to read the story to understand this. This was an exceptionally well written story. I hope to see a lot more by this author. Ratings for "The Anatomy Lesson!" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Dyke Crossing" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com) Mike is a lesbian with an interesting tatoo: a voluptuous naked woman, ankles crossed and thighs spread wide, her head just below Mike's breasts. Mike's navel is the tatoo's vagina. I guess it would be kinda hard to avoid noticing that needlework. Anyway, Our Hero is rebeffed when he tries to strike up a conversation with her by means of a cheap pickup line; but then Pat shows up, recognizes her, and invites Mike home to get reacquainted. While Pat and Mike do it ff on the couch, Our hero and Julie (Pat's younger sister) go at in on the floor or the dining room table or someplace. Since Julie's body is blocking Our Hero's view, Julie narrates a description of what Pat and Mike are doing. This is really pretty hot stuff. Those hedonists sure can be happy people! Unless I have miscounted, Mark Aster has now written 42 stories, all of them very good. I hear constant complaints about the low quality of stories on this newsgroup. Mark's stories themselves help refute that criticism: you just have to look a little harder to find the good stories. As you may know, I post a list of what I consider to be the Fifteen Best Stories every month. What impresses me the most is that this story won't even make this month's list! I say this not to denigrate Mark's story. I really liked the story. Part of the reason I'm leaving this one off the list is because Mark has been on the list so often already. The reason I mention this current omission is to suggest that there are at least other fifteen stories out there this month that might be even better than this one! And they're all free for the taking! Ratings for "Dyke Crossing" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Brown Nosing" by Phil Phantom. In this EBS repost the man has just gotten a job, but he had left his wife and family behind in the room with the boss during the final interview. The boss fondled the man's daughter; and the man's son became turned on and began fondling the mother. The third child became so excited that "she didn't know who to watch." That should be "whom," of course. Some of these authors get so excited that they screw the hell out of their pronouns as soon as their homones get going. A lot of readers enjoy blackmail and pedophile stories; and this one combines both. I usually don't like either element, but I enjoyed this one largely because of the grotesque perspective. We see the first part of the story from the viewpoint of the father, who re-enacts everything that happens while his wife tells him about it. The storytelling style is most interestng; it reminded me of the old Bert and Ernie sequence from Sesame Street ("Did anything interesting happen today?" "Nope." "How did you tear your shirt pocket?" "Oh, that happened when I was running too fast through the door at the circus... after Johnny said we had better go home... after the tent started to collapse... after the mime started yelling and screaming.... because the door to the lion cage had come open... after the tiger devoured the trainer... right after his partner had been shot by the homicidal maniac who was using me as a human shield... But don't worry; the swat team shot him.... right after he threw the hand granade down my pants.... ) Actually, the Sesame Street version was a little different, but the idea is that the wife casually describes to the husband increasingly outrageous activities; and the guy just listens, tries the ideas out on his wife, makes her cum, and then says he'll have to have a talk with the kids. Of course, if this would happen to you and your family in real life, you should go straight to a good lawyer. Make that an expensive lawyer - they're easier to find. The lawyer will fill you in on the details regarding how you can become immensely rich by suing the bastard for child molestation. But there's more! After dropping Dad off at home, Mom goes back to get the kids at the movies. She wants to have a talk with them - to make sure they don't lose respect for her, of course. So while they're driving home, the kids essentially gang rape her with hand jobs in the moving car. They even argue over who gets what. During a typical American car trip, when the children argue and get out of hand, the mother usually screams "Shuddup, you little motherfuckers!" I suppose that would have been ironic under these circumstances. But there's more! Eventually the boss starts making night calls to the family's house and brings clients to go into the girl's room and play sex and bondage games with Sherry and Sandy after using Mom as a warm-up course while Dad does paperwork for the company. This pushed me beyond the limits of what I could endure. That should be girls' - it's s-apostrophe, not apostophe-s, for plural possessives! This was an interesting but bizarre story. If any of you try this in real life, you deserve to be arrested. Then you will burn in hell and will be forced to live with an American politician for all eternity. Ratings for "Brown Nosing" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 -----------------------------------------------------------