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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Subject: Celestial Reviews 102 - July 24 (1/2)
Date: 24 Jul 1996 10:45:54 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
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Celestial Reviews 102 - July 24, 1996 (1/2)

Note: In the last issue I reviewed a parody of "Little Red Riding Hood." 
In response, a kind reader sent me this joke:

Pinocchio is all grown up, and has moved out.  One day, he meets Gepetto
in a bar, and starts confiding in him.

"Whenever I'm having sex with a girl, she complains about splinters." he
says Gepetto looks all wise, and tells him that whenever he feels 'lucky',
he should rub sandpaper on his 'member'.  Happy, Pinocchio says he'll try
it.

A few weeks later, Gepetto spots Pinocchio walking down the street, he
stops him, and asks how its going with the girls, now, to which Pinocchio
replies :

"Hey, who needs girls ?"

OR

Then there's the one about the x-rated Disney movie:

Snow-White sits on Pinocchio's face and says,
"Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth!..."

- Celeste

      "Fleeing Gods" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (sex with a god)
            10, 10, 10
      "Sarah and Allison" by Jym (adolescent ff romance)
            9.5, 10, 10
      "Brown Sugar" by Anthony Hartwell (hot interracial
            romance) 8, 9, 9
      "Brown Cherry" by Unknown Author (anal & ff sex) 9, 5, 5
      "Born Again" by Jamie G. (sexual renewal) 10, 7, 10
      "Turn-a-Butt Is Fair Play" by Tabercil (anal sex) 9, 10, 10
      "Crossing The Line" by Ann Douglas (sex life of porn writer)
             10, 10, 10
      "Brandi" by Kona (adolescent sexual rampage) 10, 9.5, 10
      "Bad Dog" by William G. O'Gorman (doggy rape) 10, 10, 10
      "Abby Gets Pulled Over" by The Warthog (slutty wife)
            10, 9, 7
      "Adam and Eve" by Marcus Van Heller (casting couch sex)
            10, 8, 8
      "The Rocks" by Mark Aster (childhood) 10, 10, 10

"Fleeing Gods" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  The
stories by this author are - how shall I put it? - unusually creative. 
They tend to have plots that make me stop and think.  Sure, they contain
sex; otherwise I wouldn't be reviewing them on alt.sex.stories - although
I did have to skip one of her stories ("Fireworks and Storms") because the
only sex in it was implied.  But the actual genital contact, although
explicit, often plays a secondary role in a highly creative plot.

Here we have a woman waking up and finding that Zeus is about ready to
make love to her.  It seems that Zeus and Hera have been on hiatus for a
millennium or two, and so he is not prepared for a contemporary American
woman.  He's used to ancient Greek shepherd maids who were coy and tried
to run from him and even changed shapes to escape his amorous advances;
this modern bitch is eager to devour his cock and actually changes shapes
to KEEP him.  It's a delightful story.  I'm tempted.  Someday I'm going to
let my students read one of this author's stories instead of "Daisy
Miller."

Ratings for "Fleeing Gods"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sarah and Allison" by Jym (gj@sprynet.com).  This is a very pleasant
story about a first sexual relationship between two young girls.  The
protagonist is a cheerleader who is having trouble with her relationship
with her boyfriend.  She becomes attracted to a slightly younger girl who
is an outstanding soccer player and who is generally considered to be a
lesbian.  A nice peripheral element of the story is that the mother knows
about the relationship and reacts in a non-judgmental, supportive manner. 
The story does not contain an abundance of lurid descriptions of sexual
activity - just a nice romance in the context of a pleasant plot.  This is
a very good story.

Ratings for "Sarah and Allison"
Athena (technical quality):9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Brown Sugar" by Anthony Hartwell (ahartwel@nmsu.edu).  I'm just guessing
at these numbers, but I would imagine this author spent twenty to forty
hours of really hard work writing this story.  The grammar and style are
occasionally weak, and so this story would have benefited from a careful
proofreading.  But my main problem is that the author should have simply
invested another hour or two and finished the story.  For that matter, he
could have simply saved an hour, by stopping before the Marissa sequence
and writing a different ending.

Having said what I said in the preceding paragraph, I'll now point out
that I gave this story a pretty high set of ratings anyway.  To put it
bluntly, this guy must be an extremely good writer if he can write so well
when he is writing so badly.  I would be overstating the case to say that
reading this story was like having really good sex with a really bad
lover; but there's some truth in that analogy.

Tom is a white college guy who seems to have an attraction to black women.
 But this isn't your typical race-bashing sex story.  For whatever reason,
the guy just hits it off with beautiful black women.  The first three
women are clearly and creatively depicted.  Although the sex is extremely
hot, both Tom and the women have brains as well as skin color and sex
organs; and the flirtation and sexual encounters are truly entertaining. 
The personality of the fourth woman is a bit less clearly developed, as
are the reasons for Tom's actions when he's with her. The story ends
(almost literally) in the middle of Tom's orgy with her; and so I don't
really know what to make of Marissa.  Frankly, I think the author got to
where the story just wouldn't work any more, and so he simply quit.  I
think he should sit back down at his word processor and (1) use his delete
key while he revises the ending (2) check the whole thing for grammatical
accuracy.

Even as it is, it's a darned good story.  Right now it's being reposted in
two parts through the THC archives. 

Ratings for "Brown Sugar"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Brown Cherry" by Unknown Author.  I don't understand what possesses
people to repost certain stories.  This story is obviously incomplete.  As
it exists, the story describes two girls who have shared a history of
having sex with each other.  One of  them has acquired a new boyfriend,
who has had anal sex with her.  The non-anal girl is fascinated by this
revelation, and so her friend gives a practical demonstration with a
vibrator.  This is a very hot, well-written sex scene.  Next Mom comes
home, practically catches the two girls together, and gives them some good
advice - which is obviously designed to lay a basis for later plot
development.  Mom also reveals that the one girl's step-brothers will be
coming for a prolonged visit.  The daughter hates these guys, because they
are sexual assholes; and so Mom tells her to go and stay with her female
friend (with whom she will have a ball, so to speak).  The step-brothers
show up, and the conversation (again) is obviously designed to lay a
foundation for future plot development.  Then we meet Andre, the boyfriend
who does asses.  Then the story "ends" with this line: "I was caught a
little off guard, but between the wine, Andre's good looks, and Susan's
great tongue, I didn't object."

Now what could be more obvious than that this story is incomplete?  I
assume that an author wrote this story some time ago and posted it as part
one (1/?).  Somebody picked it up, "archived" it, and began to repost it. 
It's now in the THC archive, but I have a copy from another archive.  Why
are they doing this?  Doesn't it occur to these reposters that they simply
weaken the public perception of the quality of their services by posting
half-written stories?  Isn't it obvious that truncated stories are not
likely to be very fulfilling to intelligent readers?  Or don't they care? 
Or is it possible that people really do like story fragments like this?  I
mean, the anal sex scene between the two girls is really very good
writing; but if people read this story "just for the sex," won't they get
at least a little upset to read the lengthy buildup after the "real sex" -
the buildup to the "more sex" that simply does not occur?

Anyway, if somebody has the rest of this story out there, I'd sure like to
see it.  My mediocre ratings indicate that this is generally a good story
that sucks (in the pejorative sense of the word), because it's not all
there.

Ratings for "Brown Cherry"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Born Again" by Jamie G. This is another repost from the THC archives.  It
is a very short story from the perspective of a woman who has lost both
legs in an automobile accident.  Without being really maudlin, it
describes how an interaction with a sensitive photographer took her from a
state of self-pity to the heights of sexual ecstasy.  Although this is
more of a snippet than a full story, it is very well written and conveys
genuine emotions.

Ratings for "Born Again"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Brunette" by Jea (an41381@anon.penet.fi).  Just when I get disillusioned
with stories from the THC archives, I come across this one.  The story is
largely incoherent - but deliberately so.  At first I thought the main
character was IN a dream, but then I discovered that she WAS a dream - a
brunette, a stock character, sent by whoever makes dreams whenever a male
fantasy requires a tall slender woman with long, dark hair.  My husband
has those dreams fairly often.  At least he says he does.  At least he
damned well better.... The story is a continuing series of ellipses, with
the woman appearing in a wide variety of barely comprehensible situations
from which she will never escape - or will she?

I found this and the previous three stories in the THC archives on
alt.sex.stories.  I think these reviews show the unevenness in the quality
of the stories in that archive.  {Note also that some other stories that I
found there were so bad that I just plain skipped them.} I guess we should
be grateful that the stories are there at all - otherwise I would never
have found this one, which will probably make my Top 15 List for July. 
But there are two problems with repost archives like this.  First, one of
the stories that I reviewed is obviously truncated, and another is almost
certainly incomplete.  It's possible that the authors subsequently
finished these stories, but it's not likely that readers will ever
discover this.  Second, three of the four THC stories listed no author. 
(I give an author for one additional story; but I discovered that from
another source.)  I suspect that some of the reposters deliberately strip
the author's name away from the stories.  This is a bad idea, because (1)
it deprives authors of their legitimate claim to the stories, (2) it makes
it impossible for readers to communicate with the authors, (3) it makes it
very difficult to track down stories written by favorite authors, and (4)
it makes it unlikely that readers will be able to find missing segments of
stories, as in the cases I have described earlier in this issue.

I certainly appreciate it when persons who repost stories take care to do
a good and thorough job.  For example, the person who reposted all the
Deirdre stories, the DarkNites stories, and the Michael K. Smith stories
has always reposted these stories in their entirety -with the original
author's name and e-mail address.  Likewise, I am certain that the
reposting of the "Trinity Trilogy" series is going to be complete.  I know
it takes extra effort on the part of the reposters to perform this service
correctly, and I would like to take this opportunity to express our public
gratitude for their diligence.

Ratings for "Born Again"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Turn-a-Butt Is Fair Play" by Tabercil (an636956@anon.penet.fi).   The man
and woman have decided to enliven their sex lives by adding some "kinkier"
aspects.  After he fucks her in the ass a couple of times, she decides
that she doesn't really like it; but she'll do it to please him.  She also
decides to tie him down and fuck his ass with a large dildo.  She
implements her plan, and it turns out to be a very sensuous experience for
him.

One of the reasons I liked this story is because it could almost serve as
a manual for how to lovingly do things that one's partner might find
uncomfortable.  They set up signals ahead of time, and the wife was loving
and patient.  The story reminded me of several things that my husband and
I have enjoyed doing together.

Ratings for "Turn-a-Butt Is Fair Play"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Crossing The Line" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@pipeline.com).  Cathy Donohue
has a habit that helps her get through boring meetings: she picks out
someone in the crowd and has sexual fantasies about that person.  Imagine
that!  You don't think students do that to their teachers, do you?  Even
worse - you don't think readers of these reviews would do that to this
reviewer, do you?

Anyway, Cathy is a member of the local PTA and she has a theory that the
initials actually stand for Pussy Tits and Ass.  I myself once went to a
major PTA meeting wearing a tee-shirt that said, "PTA is in the middle of
temPTAtion!"  I was advised to remove the shirt by an officer who is very
unlikely to be reading this review: "What if the newspapers take a picture
of you?"  I was tempted to literally remove the shirt right then and
there, but saner heads prevailed.

In her secret life, Cathy Donohue is Anne O'Donnell, writer of erotic
short stories.  Of course, the people of her community think of her as
merely a happy homemaker and helpful member of the community, not as a
porn writer.  {This story is starting to strike too close to home.}
Unfortunately, the college kid who comes to fix her computer makes the
connection between Cathy and the Internet.  Fortunately, he's a hunk.

Being a gentleman, Glen promises not to reveal Cathy's secret identity. 
Being a lady, Cathy asks if there is anything she can do to repay him for
fixing her computer.  Being a horny virgin, Glen asks her to write a story
for him.  Being a horny non-virgin, she offers to go one better than that.
 Being a sexually active person, I'm getting pretty horny myself at this
point.  Being an English teacher, I'm pretty impressed with the parallel
use of participial phrases in this paragraph.  That's it!  If I
concentrate on the grammar I can make it through this story without having
to do anything about my more mundane urges.

OK.  They're fucking now.  Damn this is good stuff!  I've got to do
something to help me finish this story.  The grammar.  Concentrate on the
grammar.  Oh good, she said "eluding" when she meant "alludinig" - I mean
alluding - I'm going to make it - or should that be "illuding"?  Damn! 
I'm not going to make it after all.  Maybe if I rub my pussy just a little
while I finish this review... I'll even keep my pants on.... This won't be
hard.... Won't be HARD!  I've gotta watch what I say, but it's hard - I
mean difficult - to type with just one hand... Oh good, she said
"...excuse as to why she stood home."  She's talking like Yogi Berra now. 
She meant "stayed home."  Maybe she shoulda slud.  I'm starting to lose
it....  It really won't hurt to take my panties off.... Oh, Oh! Sabrina
has found out that her son Glen fucked Cathy; but now they're discussing
how she found out.  Encryption!  That's good; if they keep on discussing
encryption I may even be able to put my panties back on.  No; they're
already too wet.  Oh, great!  Sabrina knows Cathy's secret identity, and
she even made hard copies of her stories and took them on the cruise with
her and therefore she humped her husband with renewed vigor each night and
sometimes during the day.  Oh shit!  Now they're discussing their sexual
relationships with other women.... If they make love to each other, I'm
going to cum in my pants.... Except that I'm not wearing any pants.... 
Would you believe my husband's at a meeting at church?  I'm a grown woman;
I can take care of myself.... Good!  She said "lay" instead of "lie" but
that doesn't help - too much sexual innuendo in the "L" words.  Now
they're making love.  I mean REALLY MKAING LOVE.  OOOOH SHIIIIIT!!!!

This was an exceptionally good story.  I strongly recommend it.

Ratings for "Crossing The Line"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Brandi" by Kona.  This repost from the THC archive surprised me.  I
expected a tale of mindless, tawdry, adolescent sex.  Instead I found an
_enjoyable_ tale of mindless, tawdry, adolescent sex.  I'll assume this
author was not really an adolescent when he/she wrote this story -
because, as we all know, adolescents are underage and do not read the
stories on this newsgroup, much less write them.  But the author certainly
has the mind of an adolescent.  I mean, what adult would think for a
moment that a responsible high school senior would baby-sit for her best
friend's younger brother and then watch the brother and sister join the
sister's boyfriend for a mini-orgy before dancing the buttock jig herself
with the kid she's supposed to be baby-sitting?  Or that a girl would play
hide the hotdog with her prom date in the men's room and then ring the
cash register of the principal after he catches them in the act?  Or that
two high school girls could avoid arrest for public indecency by a
policeman name Horse with a 12-inch cock by simply giving him a blow job? 
Or that a girl would even think of playing clean the carpet during a
school detention period - and with the principal and his secretary, no
less?  Or that girls would go to graduation naked under their caps and
gowns?  Or that two girls would simultaneously fuck and sodomize a janitor
who watched them having a menage a trois in the school auditorium with one
of their boyfriends after the graduation ceremony?  Or that a girl can
really pay for a night at a typical motel by offering her body to the
proprietor?

In addition to the events suggested in the preceding paragraph, the story
contains several subplots.  For example, there's a simple
teach-the-bastard-a-lesson thread that would fit well on the sexual
version of "Saved by the Bell."  Actually, I think this subplot is taken
from Chaucer; but I get confused sometimes.

I won't go on.  The details of the plot are unimportant.  It's just sex
after sex after sex - all the sort of things that immature adolescents
think would be great fun - and which probably WOULD be great fun - but
which I hope to hell my kids will never really do.

Ratings for "Brandi"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Subject: Celestial Reviews 102 - July 24 (2/2)
Date: 24 Jul 1996 10:46:03 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
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Sender: root@newsbf02.news.aol.com
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Status: N

Celestial Reviews 102 - July 24, 1996 (2/2)

"Bad Dog" by William G. O'Gorman (Jeremy@eor.com).  I hope the author
won't be upset if I refer to this as a bizarre story.  A college girl
answers a newspaper ad to house-sit.   It's a wonderful job; the only
drawback is the two dogs she has to take care of.  Things change suddenly
when the larger dog rapes her and makes her his sexual slave.  That's
right.  The DOG makes the girl his sexual slave.  The girl should have
become suspicious when she discovered that the house was on Usher (as in
Edgar Allan Poe) Creek Road, when the old guy who met her at the door of
the creepy house was named Monk, when one of the dogs she had to sit for
looked like it had been rejected as too large and too vicious by the
Baskervilles, when none of the doors (not even the bathroom door) closed
all the way, and when she heard strange noises at night that Monk referred
to as "the house settling."  For all she knew, Monk himself could be
lurking, watching, and masturbating in the secret passageways of the
house!  This story is so grotesque that it's actually exceptionally good.

Ratings for "Bad Dog"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Abby Gets Pulled Over" by The Warthog (linetwo@connect.net).  I have a
confession to make.  I have been pulled over by a police officer for
speeding four times in the past ten years.  I have never offered to have
sex with the officer, nor has an officer ever requested it.  {So now you
know I don't live in New Jersey!}  Nor have I ever noticed a bulge in the
officer's pants.  Maybe I was too nervous to check, or maybe we have
highly professional cops who can actually do their jobs without being
influenced by a sexy woman.  On the other hand, I did talk my way out of
all four tickets - but no bulges and no orgasms.  Just anxiety and relief.

Abby is different.  Here she is doing her coming out party of sorts - no
panties, no bra, and the sexiest dress she has ever worn; and wouldn't you
know it, she drives a wee bit too fast and the cop pulls her over.  Well,
life gets complicated when you get past 18, and the officer first accuses
Abby of coming on to him in order to avoid a ticket, and then her
tight-fitting clothes impair her ability to walk the line.  "Looks like
we'll have to go to the station, Lady." "Oh, please officer, please. Isn't
there something we can do?"  Well, it would always be possible to throw
some ass his way. The cop is very diplomatic about it.  Says he to the
husband: "Your wife is about the best looking piece of ass I've seen in a
long time. Hell, look at her."  "Well, if you put it that way, sure!  Go
ahead! But I'd like to watch!"

Well, Abby does her duty - and she likes it.  She wants more, and the
officer calls for backups.  So she takes on a significant part of the
city's police force.  To make it even better, the cops are a multiracial
bunch, and Abby is fertile and she insists that fuck her without condoms. 
She later explains that this "sounded like a slutty thing to do."  This
may sound like a sad story, but it's not. The incident started Abby on a
career in pornography; hubby thereafter got better sex than ever; and he
was even able to tip the pizza man by asking Abby to give him a blow job.

To his credit, the author appends a surgeon-general-style warning that
maybe people shouldn't do everything in this story.  You gotta protect
yourself!  And maybe you oughta have some self-respect and personality
too.

Ratings for "Abby Gets Pulled Over"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Adam and Eve" by Marcus Van Heller (71022.251@compuserve.com).  In this
excerpt from a Spectrum Press novel, Eve does a quick seduction of Rushton
and agrees to have sex with him in exchange for a speaking part in the
next play he will be directing at the local theater.  She gets to be in
"Flowering Cherry" by Robert Bolt.  Imagine that.  They go out into the
dark English countryside to consummate the deal, but at the last moment
Rushton realizes he forgot to bring the condoms.  No problem; he'll fuck
her in the ass.  He does; and it occurs to the reader that maybe Rushton
planned it this way in order to get this kind of submission from her.  Who
is Adam?  I don't know.  Maybe he's in another chapter.  

This is a well written chapter; but taken out of its context, it's not at
all a complete story.

Ratings for "Adam and Eve"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

 "The Rocks" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com) This story is preceded by
this unusual disclaimer:  "This story does not contain explicit sex of any
kind.  If non-sexual stories offend you, please stop reading at once." 
What kind of pervert, you might ask, would post a story like this?  

Actually, taken in the context of the entire Allen Sisters saga, this
story is about sex in a very indirect way.  My husband is by no means a
pedophile, but he once told me it turned him on to see my parents' home
movies of me as a child.  He liked my innocence, he said, apparently in
comparison to the sophisticated sexual dynamo I have become.  Likewise,
since readers of the whole series know that Pat and Julie are incredibly
sensuous adults, it is sensuous if not actually sexy to see this snapshot
of them at an early age, discovering the differences between boys and
girls.

The main difference, as the story reveals, is that boys throw rocks a lot
more often than girls.

Ratings for "The Rocks"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10