From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801) Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d Subject: Celestial Reviews 79 - April 27 Date: 27 Apr 1996 16:39:15 -0400 Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) Lines: 342 Sender: root@newsbf02.news.aol.com Message-ID: <4lu0lj$6nc@newsbf02.news.aol.com> Reply-To: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801) NNTP-Posting-Host: newsbf02.mail.aol.com Celestial Reviews 79 - April 27, 1996 "Occupation" or "Marie's Hospitality" by Wollstonecraft (rape & pregnancy) 10, 10, 10 "The Wild Heart" by Madeline Winter (voyeurism & small orgy) 10, 8, 8 "Lycra Slut Letters" by Suzie Sleaze (exhibitionism) 8, 6, 5 "Lady Chatterly's Lover" by D.H. Lawrence (classic sex novel) 10, 10, 10 "Dilbert : The Dongbert Zone" by Deidre Ng (humor) 10, 8, 10 "Proposition" by D.A. Ignatius (sexual fantasy) 8, 5, 5 "Point of View" by Martine Glowinski (romance) 9, 8, 8 "Let Your Fingers Do the Riding" by Solo Polyphony (masturbation & exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10 "Geology 101" by Timer (masturbation, exhibitionism, etc.) 10, 9.5, 9.5 "Connecting Through the Wall" by Peter V. Principle (romance & voyeurism) 10, 9.5, 10 "Fuck Me Pastor" by Emma Ness (sex with the pastor) 8, 5, 5 "Occupation" or "Marie's Hospitality" by Wollstonecraft (an285729@anon.penet.fi). Some of you may already know this, but Mary Wollstonecraft was an early British feminist author whose 237th birthday is celebrated today. Her "Vindication of the Rights of Women," a polemic essay that rivaled the work of Edmund Burke, influenced many 19th-century suffragists. She married the writer and philosopher William Godwin in 1797; but died just a few months later, 11 days after giving birth to Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, the future author of "Frankenstein" and wife of the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. It seems likely that the author of the present story is named after the latter, who eloped in 1814 with Shelley to Europe and married him after the suicide in 1816 of his first wife. Never say that you don't learn useful things here in Celestial Reviews. In this story Marie is being molested by a soldier, while her husband literally sits by and lets it happen. The soldier is from the "army of liberation"; and the husband reasons that the least Marie can do is be hospitable to the poor guy, since he'll probably get his brains blown out the next day fighting for their freedom. And besides, it's not good policy to say no to big guys with guns, especially when the guy's army is occupying the town. This is an interesting, thought-provoking story - sort of a combination of Mary Shelley and H.H. Munro (Saki) - which means that it has a surprise ending. Ratings for "Occupation" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Wild Heart" by Madeline Winter (http://users.aol.com/specpress). The marriage of Axel and Greta - a teacher and an architect - has become "prosaic." The Swedish husband and wife have gone to the Palace Hotel to spice up their love life and have met a friendly Danish couple in the night club. The wife lusts for the Danish husband; and it happens that he has extended to her husband an invitation to attend a private sex party at their estate the next evening. The two couples engage in rollicking sex and voyeurism, first in spouse-to-spouse mating and then changing partners. It's impossible to tell at the end of the episode whether this has had the desired restorative effect on their relationship. I suppose later chapters might shed light on this issue. Ratings for " The Wild Heart " Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Lycra Slut Letters" by Suzie Sleaze (101445.2670@compuserve.com). The Lycra Slut Letters are written in the form of correspondence from an exhibitionistic wife to her husband, who is away on a trip or something like that. The letters are largely incoherent, but that's deliberate - Suzie is not supposed to be a rocket scientist; she writes to pleaZE. The intended audience consists of voyeuristic readers who presumably would enjoy hearing about the fantasies and "real" escapades of the horny couple. In addition to a lot of off-the-wall innuendo, the letter I reviewed consisted mostly of a description of Suzie juicing herself up in a restaurant in the presence of a Stranger, while her husband watched the sequence from a separate table. Everybody bangs happily. I guess this is a decent story of this genre. It just seems to me that this kind of stuff would be really easy to write. I find greater enjoyment in stories with a little more subtlety to the plot. It's a taste thing; somebody else might really like this story. Oh well, whatever creams your twinkie! Ratings for "Lycra Slut Letters" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Lady Chatterly's Lover" by D.H. Lawrence (http://users.aol.com/specpress). This novel was first published in 1928 in a privately printed edition in Italy. I read it when I was in college, mostly because I heard it had been "banned in Boston." We've come a long way in erotic literature since then; but this is still an outstanding novel. As a rule of thumb, you should never pay any attention at all to an English teacher who admires "The Great Gatsby" and "Daisy Miller" but has never read "Lady Chatterly." Lady Chatterly is the wife of a British industrialist who has been paralyzed below the waist by war wounds. D.H. Lawrence was a symbolism nut (His most famous short story is "The Rocking-Horse Winner," which actually makes it into libraries and classrooms throughout the United States because the censors think it's about a kid who likes to ride horses); and Mr. Chatterly serves as a metaphor for upper-class impotence. Imagine that! They had that problem in England back in 1928! Constance (Lady) Chatterly finds fulfillment in a sexual union with Mellors, her husband's gamekeeper. This relationship expresses the author's belief in the health of physical life freed from social constraint. At the time he wrote the novel, Lawrence's descriptions of sexual activity were the most explicit, lyrical descriptions of sex outside the bible; and this, of course, led to his prosecution for obscenity in the United States, Britain, and Canada between 1959 and 1962. The preceding paragraph was adapted from a book report I wrote many years ago, and which received a grade of "A" in a Catholic college. Imagine that! The teacher was a priest! Imagine that! He must have liked my references to symbolism. He thought "Gatsby" and "Miller" sucked donkeys - although he used a different metaphor that was more common at that time. He's no longer a priest, but he is married to an ex-nun. Imagine that! I still see him occasionally; and he says that his only regret is that he didn't marry an ex-nun whose name was Sister John Thomas. {This is inside humor. There almost certainly have been several nuns in the United States with that name; and "Lady Chatterly" is the first place in print where I ever saw the male genitalia referred to as John Thomas.} Actually, there's a reasonable possibility that this former mentor might be lurking on a.s.s. and reading this review. If so, I trust he won't blow my cover. I also wish to apologize to anyone named Sister John Thomas who happens to read this review. I DON'T think "Lady Chatterly" is better than some of the other stories that I have reviewed for this newsgroup. Its appeal arises largely from its historical significance. On the other hand, it IS still a damned good story, as this excerpt will demonstrate. Anyway, if you have never read "Lady Chatterly," you should take this opportunity to sample Chapter 14 for free. Spectrum gets my Public Service Award for making this book readily available to the general public. Ratings for "Lady Chatterly's Lover" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Dilbert : The Dongbert Zone" by Deidre Ng (deidreng@aol.com). This posting represents a slightly different literary genre than that discussed in my previous review ("Lady Chatterly's Lover"). Specifically, this is a series of cartoon strips without the cartoons. However, if you are familiar with the Dilbert cartoon series, it's simple enough to use your imagination to supply the drawings. For example, Dongbert is simply Dilbert with a specific part of his anatomy enlarged. The same goes for Cuntbert, Assbert, and the other characters. Catbert retains his/her original appearance, since cats are already the highest form of life. I am going to make no further attempt to describe this creative attempt at sexual humor. Shortly after Deidre posted this series of cartoons, she received a terse, unpleasant e-mail message from Assbert himself, denouncing her for violating the sacred image of Dilbert. The message would have been sort of cute, until I realized the author was serious. Good Grief, this is satire! And pretty good satire. Ratings for "Dilbert : The Dongbert Zone" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Proposition" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). In her introduction the author debates whether this is a story or a letter. She decided to post it as a story, but I would have voted for a letter. I did not enjoy this as much as the other DarkNites stories, because I had trouble getting a perspective on the plot. I think most readers have a problem with second-person narratives; it's simply difficult for the reader to identify with the person labeled "you." In addition, the present story has characters known as M. and K., and I couldn't even ascertain such basic details as whether they were male or female. The "plot" is simple. The writer of the letter is horny as hell and wants to get together with the recipient and fuck for a couple of days. I guess that ain't all bad! Ratings for "Proposition" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Point of View" by Martine Glowinski (http://users.aol.com/specpress). This is an excerpt from another Spectrum novel. The title of this chapter is "A Woman of Passion." The heroine is a French woman who has been the mistress of a wealthy businessman for many years but has suddenly become passionately involved with a much younger man. The sex is pretty hot, and the editors did a decent job on the grammar and style; and so I'll focus in this review on what I learned about the French as lovers from this story. First, the two lovers initially met at a restaurant called the Cafe des Deux Magots on the Left Bank. Do French lovers really meet at such romantic sounding places, or does Magot mean something other than what I think it means? Second, when a young Frenchman has anal sex with his girlfriend, he uses olive oil rather than KY Jelly. Actually, they used an entire tube of lip ointment, because they were out of olive oil for this unexpected pleasure. En Amerique, when we're out of KY we usually use either WD-40 or duct tape. Wait a minute - maybe that's in American prisons.... Third, when the French have sexual relations in places called cinemas, the woman customarily puts her panties in her purse; and the proprietress is likely to become upset if the couple causes a disruption by leaving (coming appears not to be a problem) before the show is over. Actually, I am not really that naive; I just spotted a few anomalies in this story. My knowledge of French lovemaking is fairly extensive; I occasionally kiss the way the French invented, and some of my favorite activities have French sounding labels that can replace the Anglo-Saxon that flows more readily from my lips during the heat of passion. And I really got turned on once by a porn flick that had French music playing in the background. And after all, Celeste is a French name. But the Cafe des Deux Magots on the Left Bank? That sounds gauche to me. Ratings for "Point of View" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Let Your Fingers Do the Riding" by Solo Polyphony (solo.polyphony@teamhbbs.com). OK, so here's the story. A woman is riding alone in a subway car late at night. It is very cold. She pulls her arms and hands inside her jacket and hugs herself to keep warm. One thing leads to another, and pretty soon she's masturbating. After all, she's alone in the car. She is rapidly approaching orgasm, when she looks up and sees a man was standing in the aisle about ten feet away, his eyes riveted on her crotch, the bulge in his pants registering his interest. Their eyes meet. "Sorry to disturb you," he says, in the most incredibly gentle voice, "I saw what you were doing from the next car, and I just couldn't resist coming over to this one for a better look." What can you do when you're faced with a gentlemanly apology like that? She does the ladylike thing: "Why don't you have a seat?" Then she continues with the show. But first she says, "Perhaps you'd like to open your pants and do likewise?" What can a guy say after a show like that? "Hundred and Tenth!" the man exclaims after he ejaculates. "Oh, shit! My stop was 96th!" Ah, the vicissitudes of life in the Big Apple! Ratings for "Let Your Fingers Do the Riding" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Geology 101" by Timer (Timer@pbinet.com). This may already be obvious to you, but the expression, "Study hard!" can actually have two distinct meanings - at least when the words are spoken to a guy. They could mean, "WORK hard while you study" or "BE hard while you study!" If you already knew that one, I suppose you'll also see the implications of this one: "I've got to spend the day boning up for geology." It's not that the story is nothing but a bunch of puns; but I like to savor a good play on words when I encounter one. The story is about a mature (age 28) college student who becomes attracted to his geology teacher (age 42), who inspires him to study hard by giving him a pair of her panties as study material after he jerks her off during an office conference; then she helps him bone up on geology by inviting him to her condo for an extra opportunity to work hard. It's pretty sexy stuff. I especially liked the highly descriptive masturbation scenes. I don't think things like this happen all the often in the typical Rocks for Jocks course. However, after reading this story I am going to be a little more careful about the instructions I give my own students. Just yesterday I told them to study hard in their small groups. And now that I think about it, a young man whom I suspect to be gay told me last month that he was going home to bone up on Walt Whitman. Imagine that, if you will. Ratings for "Geology 101" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Connecting Through the Wall" by Peter V. Principle (an347524@anon.penet.fi). Readers who are married with children will identify with this story. The man and his wife are vacationing with their children and want to have some romantic sex while the kids are sleeping in the same motel room. Many a time my husband and I have been glad to hear the air conditioner's compressor kick in to mask any noises we might make while we secretly fucked our brains out without letting our apparently sleeping daughters know that their parents were in heat. The protagonists in this story have the same problem, and they solve it the same way we did. Afterwards, the man awakens and hears noises in the room next door. Apparently another couple is making love there. The narrator vividly describes his own reactions and activities as he listens and imagines while these adjacent lovers consummate their union. It's pretty hot stuff. Ratings for "Connecting Through the Wall" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Fuck Me Pastor" by Emma Ness (rbrown@k12.colostate.edu). Perhaps the most interesting part of this story is the author's name. As she herself explains, "Just remember that S. & M. is not a name, but Emma Ness is." As a cunning linguist, I would put it more succinctly: "Emma Ness is her name; S & M is her game." Emma goes for "counselling" at St. Peter's Episcopal rectory. {Interestingly, when I was in school the Catholics actually used to have a feast in honor of St. Peter's Erection. However, I think it had more to do with architecture than with anatomy.) Respectable Episcopalian clergymen, the author tells us, are almost always horny; but they take the longest time about getting around to the point. Look at their wives, says the author - uniformly attired in expensive but sexless designer outfits, worn with white pantyhose. Frigid cock-teasers like to wear white pantyhose. I know the pope and the Jesuits wear white pantyhose - oops! I'm being tasteless about the wrong religion. The sex in this story is not really all that hot. I've had much better fantasies about the clergyman of my choice while he bored the congregation with his homely homily. I'm not a theologian, but I don't think there's much uniquely Episcopalian about the sex in this story. It sort of reminded me of Blazing Baptists. The author plans to treat us to similar treatises about the Lutheran, Presbyterian, and Methodist communions in the near future. However, if you want to mix sex and religion, both Wollstonecraft's religious works and the Wild Nun stories do a much better job - unless, of course, your religious beliefs require you to restrict your sacrilegious thoughts to a particular sect. Ratings for "Fuck Me Pastor" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5