~Subject: Celestial Reviews 54 - Jan 20
~From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801)
~Date: 24 Jan 1996 12:00:01 -0500
~Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d

Celestial Reviews 54 - Jan 20, 1996

Note:  The proofreading service is in full operation, and people are
reporting successful use of it.  IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK BEFORE
POSTING A STORY, contact me, and I'll match you up with some of the
reviewers.  Remember: you're not admitting to being a "bad writer" by
asking for a proofreader.  Everyone can benefit from having someone to
help with their work.  Please note, however, that this proofreading
service is loosely organized.  I think the proofreaders are doing a good
job; but if you get a proofreader that seems to have forgotten that you
exist - or if you get an assignment to proofread for someone who never
corresponds with you - either be patient or contact me for a new
arrangement.

Second note:  I'd like to remind you that this newsgroup supplies you with
some pretty good stories at little or no cost.  The main reason these
authors post these stories is to see how readers react.  If you like a
story or even if you dislike a story and can give a reason, why not take a
few moments to send a message to the author?  That's why I give the e-mail
addresses when they're available.

Third note:  I have had so many complaints about people not finding the
postings of either my reviews or of other stories that I am going to make
it a policy to repost all of my reviews at least once.  This week I am
reposting CR 51 through 53.

- Celeste

      "Shop" by Deirdre (reluctant exhibitionism) 10
      "Sight" by Deirdre (voyeurism) 7
      "Sitter" by Deirdre (varieties of bdsm) 7
      "Slave" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 9 
      "Society" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10
      "Spa" by Deirdre (bondage & anal sex) 9
      "Mary & Jessica" by Mary (ff romance) 9.5++
      "Encounter with Celeste" by by RedFlag the Pirate 
           (night time sex in the swimming pool) 8
      "Scorpio Madness" by Green Onions (lusty,
            sensual romance) 10

Deirdre-mania:  The person who reposts the Deirdre stories has moved ahead
of me.  Since I think it works better if I post the reviews before the
stories appear in the a.s.s. postings, I'm going to review six Deirdre
stories in this issue, so that I'll be ahead again. Moreover, on this
festive occasion, I'm going to give you some biographical background on
this most prolific of a.s.s. authors.  Let me point out the Deirdre is a
very private person; and I actually have no direct information about her. 
Therefore, everything I say in the following biographical sketch is either
a shrewd inference or a pure fabrication.  You be the judge.

Although we have never met, sometimes I feel very close to Deirdre; and
this qualifies me as her biographer.  I often think of her as the sister I
never had, sharing the bedroom that we never shared while we stayed awake
until the wee hours, discussing strategies for using the devices in the
basement we never had to sexually subjugate the mother we never had.

If I am right in my conjectures, Deirdre was born about 37 years ago in
either Muncie Indiana or Buffalo New York.  She was loved by her parents
and got along well with everyone except her sister, whom she regarded
(with good reason) as a promiscuous slut.  She was a very good student
through high school, but she remained inconspicuous, except for her
starring role on the school's losing volleyball team.  In her real life
her friends even today refer to her by an ironic nickname that derives
from the fact that she could never spike the ball effectively - but why
would an outstanding setter care about that?

Deirdre attended college at either Wabash or Indiana University (if the
Muncie birth theory is correct) or at one of the excellent state colleges
in the New York system (if the Buffalo theory is correct).  However, it is
my understanding that she eventually graduated from the University of
Texas, where she majored in journalism with a minor in education and where
she met her future husband, who has doted on her and to whom she has been
faithful for the past twelve years.  Deirdre has two children, Bradley and
Stephanie - both born within wedlock, although there is a distinct
possibility that the latter was conceived as a result of sexual activity
in the doggie position rather than Roy's more preferred missionary
approach.

While she was in college, Deirdre took a course on Freudian psychology,
during which she wrote term papers on the Id and the Oedipal and Electra
complexes.  Those are the only topics she still remembers from that
course, and that influence still shows in her erotic writing.  Her other
favorite course was American Literature, which was taught by an elderly
professor who did his doctoral dissertation on e.e. cummings.  Although
she was infatuated with the old guy, he was in fact a doddering fool; and
his only influence on Deirdre's writing can be found in her decision to
use the lower-case d as the first letter in her nom de plume.

Deirdre and Roy, now live with their two children and three cats in
Sulphur Springs, Texas, where she teaches fifth grade in a public school
and works part-time as the manager of a local fast-food restaurant
specializing in ice-cream desserts.  The inspiration for most of her
stories comes from listening to conversations in the teachers' lounge and
from observations of all the lonely people who buy ice cream from her.

Of course, as far as this newsgroup is concerned, the most important of
Deirdre's characteristics is the fact there is reason to believe that she
is Sherwood Anderson reincarnated.  Anderson's bizarre spirit has pervaded
her life and has influenced her reaction to the Freudian psychology
course, to her marriage, to the mysterious hand fondling her ass when she
rode the elevator in Chicago, and to most of the other events in her life.
 However, although Anderson was resented and actively hated by the
citizens of Clyde, Deirdre is quite popular in Sulphur Springs - mostly
because she has had the good sense to remain anonymous. 

The second most important influence on Deirdre's literary life was a
beautiful, vibrant, and intelligent high school English teacher, who
turned her on to literature and inspired Deirdre with an insatiable urge
to do likewise to others through her own writing.

Like Anderson, Deirdre is a Virgo; but this is not really an important
fact, since most Virgos don't put much stock in horoscopes anyway.

Deirdre selected her pseudonym in honor of Deirdre Bair, the biographer of
Samuel Becket (who strongly influenced her writing style) and of Simone de
Beauvoir (who influenced her feminist attitudes, which are seldom apparent
in her erotic writings).

There has been a certain amount of speculation in this biographical
sketch.  But what the heck!  Some of it might be true!

"Shop" by Deirdre. "You should always check out a bikini with the top off.
You might go to some European beach...." That's not a hormonally
imbalanced adolescent talking to his girlfriend.  It's a saleslady talking
to the sweet young thing who has tried on a bikini that the customer
herself considers to be far too skimpy.  The saleslady soon finds a ally
in the woman's shopping companion, who joins the discussion with,  "Come
on; your husband would like to see you in that bikini, wouldn't he? And
with the top off too!"  Soon a small crowd of consultants gathers, with
everyone encouraging her to remove the top.  Our heroine is now tetering
on the edge of disaster: will she follow the prompting of these servants
of Satan and eat the apple or change back into her demure clothing and
retain her right to the Garden of Eden?  I'm not telling!  This bizarre,
surrealistic story shows Deirdre at her best.  I've often had the same
dream, but for some reason Deirdre omitted the ferret.  (Rating: 10)

"Sight" by Deirdre.  The neighbor comments to the woman that her husband
must surely be great in bed.  The woman concludes that maybe this sexy
neighbor has designs on her husband.  Then she happens to see the neighbor
making passionate love to her boyfriend on the balcony.  That's all there
is!  This is a really hot descriptive passage, but it's not really a story
- it's just an excellent snippet that could become part of a really good
story.  (Rating: 7)

"Sitter" by Deirdre.  "Third Rock from the Sun" is a sitcom on American
network television about a group of aliens from outer space who have come
to earth and reside in human bodies but have trouble adapting to the
customs of our society.  Sometimes I feel equally out of place reading a
Deirdre story; and I'm never really sure whether it's myself or her
characters who are out of step with reality.  I guess the people in this
story would be considered either strange or dysfunctional, but those are
rather harsh labels.  After all what harm is there in a blindfolded mother
fondling her blindfolded daughter while the girl eases herself onto the
cock of a neighbor bound spread eagle on a bed and the mother eases her
muff into his face?  After all, they're all consenting adults.  And why
would we be surprised or upset to notice that both women were chained to a
hook on the ceiling while they did this?  And what young girl wouldn't be
at least a little excited to whip another naked young woman or to fondle
the breasts of the dominatrix while watching all this?  I mean, it's not
as if these people are embezzling money from retirement communities or
creating mayhem on the highways.  

What troubles me about Deirdre's stories is that I get ideas.  I rarely
get sexually excited while reading the stories, but I start wondering
about things.  Like that little old lady up the street.  Maybe she's not
so lonely after all.  Is she perhaps naked under her raincoat?  Is that
really an umbrella in that bag or could it be a whip?  Do those two old
men really drive her to church on Sunday?  When the minister visits, why
is he always smiling?  It gets worse.  I saw Hillary Clinton on TV the
other day.  She smiles a lot for no apparent reason.  There's a basement
in the White House, and I'll bet there are hooks all over the place.  And
handcuffs.  And her husband sometimes really does seem subjected to some
sort of mind control.  And then there's that attractive woman that's
married to Sadam Husein....  Deirdre really does make me think sometimes. 
(Rating: 7)

"Slave" by Deirdre.  Imagine this. You meet a female friend who is
accompanied by a very quiet woman.  When you ask, who's your friend, she
replies, "She's not a friend. She's a slave." I must live a sheltered
life, because I've never had such a conversation - outside a teachers'
lounge, of course.  However, the follow-up is fairly common in a.s.s.
stories.  The woman who asked the question says, "Yeah! Right!" and begins
to leave.  Her friend then says, "You don't believe it?"Just watch." She
then turns to the slave and says "Go with Joann and do what she tells
you."  I remember the same thing happening on a documentary on late-night
cable television; but it was about astronauts living in Cocoa Beach, and
the slave's name was Jeanie.  The ending was also a little different. 
This story is an interesting example of Deirdre's ability to tell a sexy
story in which there is emphatically absolutely no sex at all. (Rating: 9)

"Society" by Deirdre.  A woman gets invited by two colleagues to attend
the noon-time meeting of the Society for the Advancement of Women In Their
Twenties.  The woman (who is 42) wonders about the propriety of such a
club, but the others point out to her that most women want to be like
women in their twenties - they try to look like women in their twenties,
and often they lie about their ages, claiming to still be in their late
twenties.  But ironically women in their twenties are at the bottom of the
ladder when it comes to jobs: lower than older women and lower than all
men. Although they have what everyone wants, society-in-general controls
them and limits their freedom.  

OK, so here's a multiple choice question: how do you think SAWTT will
advance the lifestyle of women in their twenties? Will the society's
program involve (a) assertiveness seminars, (b) brown bag luncheons, (c)
karate training, (d) whips and anal sexual activities? Hint: The meeting
takes place in a large, unmarked aluminum building in an industrial park
area, with a door in front and very few windows.  This story is so bizarre
that it's really interesting!  (Rating: 10)

"Spa" by Deirdre.  Rita and her boyfriend visit the spa together, and Rita
surprises him by suggesting that they stay after everyone else leaves and
have sex there.  They hide in the locker rooms; but alas! they get caught.
 What will their punishment be?  Do you think they will be turned over to
the local law enforcement agency to be prosecuted for trespassing?  Or do
you think this muscular jock and beautiful babe who found them will find
it in their hearts to forgive them?  And why doesn't Rita seem quite as
surprised as she should be?  What can you do to a person sexually with all
those bars and equipment in a spa?  And will there be a video camera
involved?  This is a very good story.  Although Deirdre doesn't describe
sexual activities with the mellifluous detail of a play-by-play announcer,
one of her strengths is that she doesn't waste words.  A lot of what
you'll get from a Deirdre story will come from your own head rather from
what Deirdre actually says.  This is a good example of that technique. 
(Rating: 9)

"Mary & Jessica++" by Mary (mare@c2.org).  I made some mistakes in the
original review of this story in the last issue of CR.  First, I messed up
the author's address.  Second, and more egregiously, I left out the "++"
from the title.  The characters that I removed constitute a pun in the
syntax of the C programming language; and heaven knows, if a techie is
making a pun, I don't want to discourage the practice.  I'm afraid there's
a stereotype that technologists live in their own world and when they try
to make jokes they come out with things like those "Bastard Operator from
Hell" postings that pollute the humor groups.  Specifically, the '++' in
the title is the increment operator.  The "&" character specifies a
bitwise 'and' operation applied to whatever Mary and Jessica are.  The
point of the story is about an increment in the value of friendship
through a complete meshing; the point of the title is to concisely
summarize that.  I'm sure there are many readers who understand this
perfectly, but this whole explanation made me wonder thus:  "If it's C++,
why not give the kid a B minus?"  This whole discussion makes me long for
one of Deirdre's equally cryptic but simpler titles.  The Bard of Sulphur
City would have called this simply "Shopping" or "Spree" or maybe
"Incrementation."

The title aside, it's still an excellent story.  Anyway, the eponymous
heroines go shopping together to try on and purchase some bras.  (This
part may be boring - nay, even incomprehensible, to non-TG male readers.) 
Then they come home and make love together for the first time.  In the
afterglow, they realize that their relationship has changed.  (Hence the
"++" in the "--" title.)  The shopping spree didn't turn me on, but the
lovemaking did. The most interesting aspect of this story is the style of
its layout, which consists of a paragraph by Mary followed by an indented
paragraph from Jessica's perspective.  This enables us to see the story
unfold from both viewpoints at once.  It's a very good story with the
balance of viewpoints or the timing just a little bit off.  (Revised
rating: 9.5++)

"Encounter with Celeste" by RedFlag the Pirate.  As my FAQ states, there
are two ways to increase the chances that I'll review your story:  (1)
mark it with "<*>" in the title line of the story, or (2) send me a copy
of it shortly before or as soon as you post it.  Actually, there's a third
way: put the name Celeste in the title of the story.  This story is not
about me - at least not that I can remember; but it sure did catch my eye.

This is another of the stories being reposted by William Gann.  It's about
a college-age boy and girl who meet near the guy's family swimming pool
late at night after a graduation party.  They had dated in high school,
but both had gone off to college and spent the early part of their college
education in Hormonal Wonderland.  But at the time of their meeting both
have more mature insights on life and hard work.  To demonstrate the
sincerity of their resolution, they make passionate love in the pool. 
It's a good story.  (Rating: 8)

"Scorpio Madness" by Green Onions (flagger@world.std.com).  The man has
been happily married to a full-figure woman, whose figure has become even
fuller.  He relishes her  sensuous rotundity, but her obesity is a source
of embarrassment to her; and the result is a withdrawal from sexual
intimacies.  What will they do?  Well, this story isn't posted on
alt.marital.counseling, so you won't be surprised to know that when the
narrator meets another woman (Rikki) on the Internet, two marriages become
sexually rejuvenated as a result of their clandestine association.

The cyberlovers should have suspected that things were getting out of hand
(!) when he sends her a scanned Polaroid picture of him shooting his cum
into his own mouth.  This is a little hard to imagine.  Not the cumshsot -
but how in the world would he manage to take a picture of it.  If you know
how to do this, send me just the answer, not the picture.

Pretty soon they are exchanging clothing by mail (PO Box, of course).  At
this point I should mention that neither my spellcheck not my excellent
unabridged dictionary recognized the word "cumwear," which refers to such
items as the lady's panties into which the male recipient has masturbated
after receiving them still wet via USPS in their double ziplock bags. 
After a short time, the lovers meet in person at a highway rest stop,
where they frolic sexually in the nearby woods.

The sex in this story is sometimes wonderfully creative.  For example, I
have never even thought of ingesting a brownie as part of a French kiss
while driving down the highway.  The story is full of surprises.  After
they get pulled over by a cop while they are engaged in foreplay at a high
rate of speed, nobody has sex with Officer Hardass, but he does escape
with Rikki's panties.  You can now probably guess the part of the country
in which this story takes place.

The author deals with several topics that are at least non-traditional on
a.s.s. - if not actually controversial.  For example, most a.s.s. heroines
are built like supermodels.  This one is frankly fat, but that doesn't
lessen her joi de vivre or her ability to give and receive sexual
pleasure.  In addition, I have omitted the descriptions of urination as
part of the sexual activity.  The author obviously thrives on
"watersports."  While I acknowledge that taking a leak in the great
outdoors has occasionally given me a feeling of liberation that could
almost be described as sexy, I simply do not see the enjoyment in
deliberately drinking a partner's pee during sexual activities.  I'm not a
doctor, but we're talking about consuming waste products; that's gotta be
at least as dangerous to one's health as smoking.

This author writes extremely well.  The narrative and action flow smoothly
and naturally.  The author has a wonderful ability to adjust his language
to express the reality of a situation as well as the emotions of the
participants.  Even though some of the activities would not be of interest
to me personally, they are nevertheless fascinating; and it's just plain
fun to read about two people enjoying each other so much.  (Rating: 10)