~Subject: Celestial Reviews 49 - Jan 3 ~From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801) ~Date: 3 Jan 1996 10:01:19 -0500 ~Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories Celestial Reviews 49 - Jan 3, 1996 Note: I am back from my holiday vacation and am resuming my reviews. I am also backed up on correspondence. Several people asked where to find the stories. The answer is that the stories are posted in alt.sex.stories. I do not plan to reply any further to the numerous persons who asked this question. Further information can be found in the Celestial Reviews FAQ, which I' ll repost. Second Note: I would like to thank the numerous persons who reposted their stories. Well over half of the Top 100 Stories of 1995 were reposted within the two weeks after the list was originally posted. If your story was on the list and you have not yet reposted it, please do so. In addition, several persons have offered to make the stories available through their home pages or to distribute them in some other way. I don't want to post information about these options until I have reason to believe these services will really be available. Since I was on vacation, I have not yet had time to respond to these people, but I will do so soon. Third Note: The proofreading service is in full operation, and people are reporting successful use of it. Since I was on vacation, I am slightly behind on requests, but I'll catch up quickly. IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact me, and I'll match you up with one of the reviewers. Remember: you're not admitting to being a "bad writer" by asking for a proofreader. Everyone can benefit from having someone to help with their work. For that matter, if anyone wants to look over Celestial Reviews before I post them, I would appreciate the help - but I would need a really fast turnaround time. If others are interested in offering their services as proofreaders, please contact me. Here are some things I learned in the days since I posted my Top 100 Stories of 1995 and their related reviews: (1) Dirty Dawg (whose story Lynn was rated number 1 and who had several other stories on the list) no longer posts on alt.sex.stories. This is not because of a religious conversion or anything like that - it's just that his new boss would thoroughly disapprove. However, Dirty Dawg wrote to me and specifically stated that it was fine with him if others repost his stories. I do not have time to do this myself, but I hope someone else will take up this challenge and post some of his stories. I might add that Mr. Dawg reports that he has received about 2500 requests for his stories, and 1000 of these were for "Lynn." This makes me feel good, because it validates my choice of that story as number 1 on my list. (2) A frequently posted story on a.s.s. is "Ellen" from the EBS. This is NOT the Dirty Dawg story that made my list. (3) I also found out from a different source that some of the older stories by Dirty Dawg were contestants in the "Jesse Helms Erotic Fiction" contest. The stories in that contest had to follow these rules: (a) All sexual activity had to be between married people in the context of a monogamous relationship; (b) None of the activity should be offend the blue nosed "Senator from Phillip-Morris". I understand that contest generated some excellent stories, and if anyone would like to repost some of them, I think readers would appreciate them. - Celeste On to new stories! "Swansong" by Unknown Author (emerging adolescence and elderly sexuality) 10 "A Rube's Story" by Bazarov (mother-fuckin') 10 "Let's Play Beauty and the Priest" by Connor Herridge (humor) 8 "Saved by the Bell Redux" by Mike Garvey (TV parody) 1 "My Indiscretion" by Atblown (Infidelity) 9 "Nurse" by Deirdre (sex with the doctor) 5 "Over" by Deirdre (Sex slavery) 8 "Park" by Deirdre (Outdoor sex) 7 "On French Soil" by T.S. Fesseln (chivalrous rape) 7 "Swansong" by Unknown Author. After spending considerable time compiling my Top 100 List for 1995, I was a little apprehensive about returning to "ordinary" stories. I figured I was in for a letdown. Not so. This first story of the new year may make the list of Top Stories of 1996. It's about a senior citizen who is getting tired of being looked upon as some kind of sexual relic and who suddenly has thrust upon himself some responsibility for helping raise the young teenage daughter of his stepson. A large number of people (including myself) are often offended or at least annoyed by "pedophile" and "incest" stories. I found this story about sexual activity between this man and his young charge to be not the least bit offensive. As a matter if fact, the person most likely to be upset by this story will be the reader who reads this story to see some hot sex between a prepubescent virgin and her grandpa. The sex is not at all vividly portrayed; but it's still a very realistic, sensitive, and sexy story. The author approaches the relationship between the old man and young girl with sensitivity and in a context of moral ambiguity. This story reminded me of "Mother and Son" by Ann Douglas. I think it is normally a good guideline that parents and grandparents should refrain from having sex with prepubescent children; but both stories described situations in which it would be hard to say that the older people were exploiting the children with whom they were sexually intimate. I don't know who the author is. In fact, if the author reads this review, I'd like to hear from him/her. There were a few stylistic problems that could be cleared up, but otherwise this was a well-written, thought-provoking story. (Rating: 10) "A Rube's Story" by Bazarov. There are many reasons to dislike this story. It's difficult to read because it attempts to convey a heavy dialect that will be unfamiliar to many readers. It's about a mother fucker, and even the dictionary doesn't like mother fuckers. But there are also good reasons to like this story. If the reader takes the trouble to read carefully, the story conveys the accent and dialect of the protagonist very effectively. And that protagonist is "the boss-man a' motherfuckers." When I received this story from the author, I was upset because it contained a large number of little squares sprinkled throughout the text. This is how my computer registers "unrecognized characters." I sent a message to the author pointing out my problem, and he simply sent me another copy of the same thing. Frankly, I thought he was an illiterate fool who would go away if I asked for a good copy. When I eventually received my third copy, I decided to try replacing all the unrecognized characters with apostrophes; and it became clear to me what the author was trying to do. I was dealing not with typographical errors or with a computer foul-up, but with dialect. Writing dialect effectively is difficult - and so is reading it. It's necessary for the reader to slow down and pretty much look at each word - at least until the flow starts coming naturally. In addition to using a dialect that differed from mine, I found that the author was expressing the ideas of a man whose outlook on life and modes of thinking were a lot different than mine. And so I said to myself, "It's the Christmas holidays. Why not spend a couple of hours expanding my horizons by reading in an unfamiliar dialect about a guy fucking his mother!" To put it kindly, the story focuses on the exploits of a young gentleman who was initially uninterested in sexual intimacies with his mother but whose ardor was aroused when he came across some magazines containing letters "from fellers who'd been feedin' their mothers a steady diet a' sausage an' these women who'd been treatin' their lil' boys with pleanty a' candied fruit." To tell you more would run the risk of ruining your enjoyment of this story. I might mention, however, that near the end of the story the narrator wonders what life will be like "in 'bout ten years when her bush be sprouted out with the gray hairs an' her ass startin' t' sag t' the floor." My own assumption is that 'long 'bout that time he'll start plowin' th' field of L'll Sadie, who should sho'nuff have a right fine bush of her own by that time. This is an extremely literate tale about an illiterate and dysfunctional family. The author carries off the dialect exceptionally well. I recommend absolutely none of the activities in this story. In real life I would suggest that Mama pull the trigger on the 45. But I really enjoyed this story. (Rating: 10) "Let's Play Beauty and the Priest" by Connor Herridge (Cheridge@onramp.net). This is a brief script for a play based on the classical theme of mistaken identity. Shakespeare and Chaucer have used this theme successfully, and so have Dick Van Dyke and Seinfeld - but usually with a focus on more socially acceptable behaviors. In this case we have a sexy young woman who wants to plant dirty ideas in her boyfriend's mind by having him sneak into the empty priest's box of the confessional while she acts as the penitent and confesses her sins to him. The comedy of errors consists of the boyfriend not making it to the priest's box (because the real priest gets there first) until later (when an old lady has replaced his girlfriend as the penitent). It's an imperfect but clever sequence of events. Since there are doubtlessly numerous horny members of the clergy who read this newsgroup, I would like to point out that I get tired of people picking on priests and other members of the clergy as dirty old men. I think (if we ignore the behavior of the Roman Curia) in real life they probably abuse people sexually slightly less often than most other people. But this is still a pretty funny story. (Rating: 8) "Saved by the Bell Redux" by Mike Garvey (mgarvey@nyc.pipeline.com). "Saved by the Bell" is a television series for young adolescents. My daughter watches it almost every day and six times on Saturday, and I think it's actually wholesome entertainment. I am told it also has a following among college-age boys, who lust after Kelly and her friends. And so a story about Lisa and Jessie gang-banging Kelly has potential; but that potential is not fulfilled in this story, which has the distinction of being the worst I've reviewed so far this year. It's obviously written by a twelve-year-old boy who knows nothing more than Beavis and Butthead sex, story structure, or grammar. I don't know why the author would want to embarrass himself by posting such immature stuff. Even other twelve-year-olds (who possibly would enjoy this inane story) would enjoy a more creative presentation. (Rating: 1) "My Indiscretion" by Atblown (atblown@aol.com). A young wife and mother gets horny at an office gathering, her husband is out of town for the next 2 days, and she has been flirting with a much younger stud; so what the hell! They fuck like minks in heat - much as those of us with hormones carry on in our minds with a sexy movie star whom we'll never actually meet. Later, she feels guilty and eventually confesses her indiscretion to her husband, who appears to be distressed by the whole matter. She offers to do anything to make it up to him, and he lets her atone by servicing him and hot little Shannon. She gets turned on to this activity and has some of the hottest sex of her life while satisfying her debt. All is forgiven, and her felix culpa has led to a new and wonderful interest in her life. {Look at that! You can work ideas from these reviews into your theology or biblical studies classes when they discuss the concept of the felix culpa - the fault that leads to benefits for the sinner. This is actually a good example, but you may find it best to simply think about it and grin when the teacher or preacher mentions the concept.} I really like it when I encounter a new writer who writes well. This is the first posting by this author. Its purpose was to turn me on. This may be an unfair test, because my husband was out of town when I read it and I had not had even a pat on the ass for nearly 36 hours; but in all honesty, I have to admit that I found it necessary to have an orgasm to clear my mind before I could write this review. (I had access to neither the young stud nor the red-headed Shannon; but things worked out just fine.) This story has room for improvement: there's something just slightly wrong with the timing or wording of the story; but I really hope to see more stories by this writer. Either she's a dysfunctional matron who has no chance of a happy marriage or she has fantasies a lot like my own! (Rating: 9) "Nurse" by Deirdre. A nurse who is new to her job realizes halfway through her first day of work that the doctor seems to have only female patients and that they all seem to be exhausted when they leave his office. So, what's the story about? If you are a new reader to a.s.s. you might surmise that in your dirty mind you have already figured out the plot: the doctor is boinking the patients. But this is a Deirdre story. It can't be as simple as that. Well, actually, there's a little more to it than that, but not much. This is not an awful story, it's just not as creative as most of Deirdre's work. (Rating: 5) "Over" by Deirdre. When I was halfway through this story, I paused and realized that unless I had known that it had been posted on alt.sex.stories and had been written by Deirdre, I would have had no way to know that it was about sex. So far it could have been a story in a magazine at my dentist's office: an artist has been flown to New York by Beatrice Moreau, a wealthy woman who has admired the artist's work and wanted to meet her. To be honest, if I were in my dentist's office, I would at this point have set the story aside and started reading the New Yorker or that stupid photography magazine that all dentists have in their office. But this story was by Deirdre, so I assumed that the unwary artist was going to become a sex slave of the rich woman and would enjoy every perverse moment of her new vocation. Her life as an artist would be "Over" - hence the title. After my pause, I smirked as a servant wearing nothing more than a diaphanous gown (and perhaps a subtle smile) removed the artist's empty glass. I was on the right track! But I'll let you read this story to find out for yourself what happens. Let me just point out that if a beautiful French woman offers to pay you royally to pursue your profession and bestows upon you a beautiful sex slave or two for you to use as your whims dictate, you might want to look the gift horse in the mouth before it's all over. (Rating: 8) "Park" by Deirdre. Two people stop to take a look at the scenery and the unexpectedly girl gives the guy a blow job. This isn't really much of a story, but I thought it was very sexy. (Rating: 7) "On French Soil" by T.S. Fesseln. This author has planned a multi-chapter work dealing with rape and sex in the midst of knightly warfare. The first two chapters deal with the rape of the daughter of the knight's enemy. My presumption is that as the action progresses the knight and the woman will develop a reciprocal fondness, probably based on sadism and masochism. The action of the first two chapters is violent and vivid. The writing shows signs of being rushed to press before it was really finished. Nevertheless, what I have seen so far is the beginning of a good story, and I hope the author continues with more chapters. If someone out there likes the story, why not contact the author and offer to preview and comment on the next chapters before he posts them? The result will be a better story. (Rating: 7)