~Subject: Repost: Celestial Reviews 27 ~From: celeste801@aol.com (Celeste801) ~Date: 13 Nov 1995 20:41:00 -0500 ~Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d Celestial Reviews 27 - Oct 11, 1995 Note: This is a mixture of several good stories plus a weak story ("Lyrical Fantasy") by an author who shows tremendous potential. I give that story a somewhat detailed review not to poke fun at the author, but as possible assistance to other aspiring writers. - Celeste "Bride" by Deirdre (sex at wedding reception) 6 "Bridesmaid" by Deirdre (training for marriage) 10 "Brother" by Deirdre (fantasy about brother) 8 "The Draft" by Michelle Lurker (Futuristic TG) 10 "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (orgies in an island paradise) 9 "Gee Spot Run" by Sue (Masturbation & voyeurism) 10 "Lyrical Fantasy" by smoot2 (poetic sex fantasy) 4 "Pride and Punishment" by Persephone (rape and torture 9) "Bride" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). I appreciate a story like this once in a while. It proves that I don't just blindly give perfect ratings to Deirdre. The story is based on an interesting idea - the bride getting it on with someone other than the groom at her wedding reception; but little action or even really hot imaginings actually occur in this story. (Rating: 6) "Bridesmaid" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). Deirdre's stories are just full of little surprises! In this one a woman is getting married, and she meets her bridesmaid (the groom's sister) for the first time the night before the wedding. To her amazement, the bridesmaid informs her that she'll be "training" her for the marriage. You'll have to read the story to learn more about this training regimen. (Rating: 10) "Brother" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). Many years ago the woman noticed that her brother and sister seemed to be having a sexual relationship. Then the sister told that brother that the woman wanted to have sex with him (which was untrue), and he came to her when she was sleeping one night. This gets confusing to summarize, but it was a short, interesting story. (Rating: 8) "The Draft" by Michelle Lurker (an173204@anon.penet.fi). This story takes place in a society 200 years in the future. Paul is drafted by the military and is informed that the enemy has conducted secret chemical attacks against the nation. The aim of the attacks was to destroy the nation's population by rendering most of the females infertile. The nation's genetic engineers have found a process by which they think they can genetically re-engineer males into fertile female and thereby reverse this insidious decline in the population. Paul has been selected to be re-engineered into a prototype female, so that his nation's society can continue! When Paul is first transformed into Paula, we discover that female society has regressed to the 1950's. Her new father acts just like Dad on "Father Knows Best" - even referring to Paula as Princess. Society has become an anti-utopia - much like that found in Orwell's "1984." Paula seems to have forgotten her previous existence as Paul and to be resigned to her role as a flaky, subservient female; but then an incident happens that causes her to recover her memory. At this point it becomes more appropriate to think of the protagonist as Paul within Paula's body. And then the Underground commandos come to rescue her... But I don't want to disclose any more of the plot. From the perspective of transgender stories, this one is unique in the respect that the person goes from completely male (but not a hunk) to completely female (and quite a beauty) before returning to the state of the male in the female body. From the perspective of just plain science fiction, it's a pretty good story - but with a lot of questions unanswered. From the perspective of a hot sex story, it's still a pretty good science fiction story with a lot of questions unanswered. In other words, if you're looking for material to heighten your immediate sexual passion, you should look elsewhere; but if you want to spend some time exploring some interesting possibilities about masculine and feminine personalities and their roles in society, this is an excellent story. The story does an excellent job of exploring the personality of Paul/Paula. I thought this was a superb story. (Rating: 10) "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sharon and Sue are not only the authors but also the protagonists. They are presented as two really hot, sexy woman who go on vacation together to an island paradise. They meet Tyla, a beautiful black woman, and her friends; and they engage in some raucous sexual festivities. That's really all there is to the plot. It's sort of like those porn movies that none of us admit we watch: a lot of sexual acrobatics tied together with no real plot. There's little character development (other than demonstrating that these really are very sexy people), nor does the author take advantage of the island's atmosphere to add to the intensity of the sex (as did Deidre Ng in "Aegean Interludes" or as would occur in a porn movie presentation of the same material). As long as you're willing to accept the story on these grounds, it's an excellent story. This story is almost the opposite of the previous one. If you're interested in exploring personalities and plot development, this may not be for you; but if you want material to heighten your sexual arousal, this one may do the job. If what you want is hot sex scenes, this story is full of them in enthusiastic, explicit detail. (Rating: 9) "Gee Spot Run" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). I consider this story to exemplify what the preceding story was missing. (Note that I have already given the other story a high rating; so don't take this as overly critical of that story.) The big difference is that in this story the protagonists have a *reason* for having sex. When Sue meets a casual friend and gets into a deep conversation, she discovers that the woman is sexually repressed. To help out, she discloses the fact that she is an author of highly regarded sex stories and offers to let her friend read some of them. Sue goes off to take a shower and leaves her friend reading "Craftsmanship," which readers of these reviews will recognize as one of the stories I often cite as an example of hot, well-written erotica. Well, I was right in rating that story a 10; because when Sue returns from the shower the woman is in the throes of masturbation that was instigated by reading the story. The woman is embarrassed, but Sue comforts her thus: "Even when I'm writing the stories, I get so turned-on sometimes that I have to stop typing so that I can reach down and rub my cunt for a big orgasm. And when I read other people's stories, I usually masturbate. I'm sorry that you feel bad about what you were doing, and I'm even more sorry that I interrupted you. So I'm going to leave the room again so that you can finish what you started." But alas, the woman has a learning disability: she doesn't know how to masturbate very well. She feels that the characters in Sue's stories achieve heights of ecstasy that she has never reached. Like a true humanitarian clinician, Sue reluctantly offers further assistance. The two masturbate in each other's presence, and her friend learns by observing the genius at work. The descriptions are hot and vivid. Not only does Sue's friend figure out how to do it right; I also managed to eliminate a few bugs from my own system. (However, there are a few things I could teach Sue too.) This is a really hot story. At the end, we are left with the impression that Sue's friend will probably get over her inhibitions and with the promise that we can find out what happened later by reading Sue's next story, "Fun with Dick and Jane." (Rating: 10) "Lyrical Fantasy" by smoot2 (smoot2@ix.netcom.com). This fantasy is presented in the form of a letter from a man to his female lover. Each paragraph in the letter is preceded by a line from one of Prince's songs (that is, from the songs of the Artist Formally Known as Prince); and the prose text is loosely related to these song lines. I personally don't like Prince, but this did not interfere with my enjoyment of the fantasy. What did interfere with my enjoyment was the frequent grammatical and textual carelessness. This author is literate; that's not hard to see. But the careless mistakes are just plain distracting - to the point of ruining the story. I don't know why there were so many silly mistakes. Maybe some of them were created by the author's text processor or mailer. I mean - I know the author doesn't really think "the" is spelled th e, but mistakes like that occurred frequently in the text. In addition, the song lines and the other lines were all run together so that I couldn't easily tell which was which. How the author spells and formats the text *does*make a difference. In addition, the author sometimes refers to his true love as "u" and sometimes as "you". I suppose the u bit is derived from Prince; and so I can accept it. But why are one-third of the second-person pronouns spelled "you"? Is there a difference between you and u? If it makes no difference, why bother at all? If it does make a difference, why not be consistent? How hard is it to have the word processor look for all instances of you and change them to u? These are little things; but these distractions add up. The distractions become serious because the author tries to write in a hurried, from-the-heart style that is supposed to convey intensity and passion. This style is fine - when it works. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for the errors described in the previous paragraph, the style would be excellent. However, when readers have to stop and try to debug the writer's text, the passages lose their continuity. The result is that the style gets lost and the fantasy loses much of its impact. Normal people - not just oversexed English teachers - will have problems with these distractions. {As a side note, interested persons - including the author - should compare this writer's style to that of Deidre or Tammy Ng. They often try in their stories to accomplish almost exactly the same effect that this author has tried to accomplish, and they are much more successful. However, if someone inserted all the mistakes from the preceding paragraph into Deidre's or Tammy's stories, their stories would lose their impact.} Note that in a different context, this story would be appropriate in its present format. For example, if the author whispered this fantasy it in a sexy voice over the telephone, the errors would not even appear. Likewise, if he wrote this into an IRC (interactive relay chat), where urgency of expression is important, the recipient would be inclined to ignore the errors - because they are expected in that context and everybody knows that a guy who is all hot and bothered is likely to have trouble typing correctly. Indeed, if the only person who would read this essay were the lover to whom it is addressed, even then it might be acceptable, since she might know the guy well enough to automatically circumvent his idiosyncratic writing. (However, even there, I would consider it to be polite to proofread. I mean, what harm can there be in giving her the impression that you care what you have said to her?) However, when the author decides to publish this in a public forum like a.s.s., he can no longer assume that readers will be able to automatically ignore his errors. Readers have a right to expect finished products. I am not saying that while writing the *first draft* the author should worry about his commas and spelling or even that he should stop and make a correction if he notices that he has a space between "th" and "e". What he should be concerned about in the first draft is the emotion that he wants to convey. The problem with this story is exactly that: it's a *first draft*. The author should simply turn the first draft into a final draft before publishing it - and probably before sending it to his true love. Actually, if I received this as a love letter from an ardent admirer, I would probably read it carefully, figure out what he really meant, and have at least one good orgasm. I would *not* correct the grammar and send it back to him. {Was it "Up the Down Staircase" where the English teacher corrected the grammar in a kid's suicide note?} However, if I decided to marry the guy, *I* would insist on writing the wedding invitations and thank you notes. Aha - maybe this swain has a hidden agenda! I have written this lengthy analysis not because I am in a bad mood, but rather because this is a new author who is typical of many other new authors. I think if this fantasy had the kinks ironed out of it, it would be in a class with the writings of Deidre and Tammy Ng - which is a pretty good class. I hope this author receives this review in the constructive spirit in which it is intended, that he writes more and better stories, and that other writers benefit from this advice as well. (Rating: 4) "Pride and Punishment" by Persephone (an140915@anon.penet.fi.). As we read the first paragraphs of this tale, we learn that the Lady Catherine is a prissy snob in bygone days who has married Lord Ridgehurst to grab onto his wealth. She is a virgin (nicknamed the Snow Queen) and she plans to stay that way, since she feels she has already done enough for her Lord by letting him become associated with her proud beauty. Shakespeare broke his vixen one way in "The Taming of the Shrew," but Persephone espouses the more simple expedient of gang rape. It's hard to feel sorry for Catherine. After all, from the beginning of the story she is the consummate bitch, and such people need to be taught a lesson. She should have become suspicious when she heard that the estate was named Sordida Park. Shortly after she arrives she finds herself securely bound in the library. She finds out that Ridgehurst married her for her beauty, but chiefly for the very great pleasure he felt he would have in shaming and degrading the overweening pride she took in it. He left her her virginity for only so long as it took to get her to his own property, the better to take it with violence and force. This lady was in for a long night! If you enjoy a tale about a proud bitch being raped and tortured, you'll enjoy this story. I just saw the movie "Seven" the other night. I thought it was disgusting, but I stayed; and the theater was full of people who enjoyed the movie and brought their kids to see that story of gruesome murders. It scares me to think that men actually get turned on by reading about stuff like this; but I guess I should be grateful that in England they rape and torture genteel ladies instead of hard working English teachers. I might point out, however, that in real life people who act like this man are themselves selfish assholes who are not likely to derive much permanent happiness from this kind of activity. Shakespeare's Petruchio - though still enough of a chauvinist to satisfy most a.s.s. readers - is a little gentler in his approach; and so "The Taming of the Shrew" ends with potential happiness for both shrew and shrewee. It figures. A British author has to set his story in Italy in order to deal humanely with women. Alas, this is a well written story that achieves its purpose quite well. (Rating: 9) "Slumber Party Massacre" by Ymi (an398616@anon.penet.fi). This story is interesting not for its content, but rather because of its disclaimer, which I'll quote in detail: "The following story contains heavy torture, rape and mutilation of non-consenting teenage girls. I you aren't into such things, don't bother decoding it... caveat emptor: I wrote this story quickly and sloppily. i ran it rhough a spell-checker but that's it. there are probably tons of syntactic errors and stuff. i don't give a toot. also, these stories were written with win 3.1's notepad -- i normally write with word 6.1, which has wonderful autocorrection features, which affects my writing style -- no caps. i ran a macro through to try to fix this, but no promises. Ie: I wrote this for my and maybe other sicko perv's pleasure. i ain't exspecting to win a prize I do not condone or practice this sort of behavior. In real-life, I'm a sweet, if somewhat strange, guy. then again, I don't condone or practice christianity either :-)" I don't recommend this story at all. I agree with the author's assessment of it, and I think you would be wasting your time to decode it. What I think is valuable is that the author himself has been courteous enough to give us this information *in a separate, unencoded file* (labled 0/2), so that sensible readers won't bother to download a story that they will almost certainly find to be a frustrating waste of time. More authors of bad stories should follow this practice. (Rating: 1) TIP OF THE WEEK: In each issue of Celestial Reviews I present one of the guidelines from Celestial Grammar, which I have posted on alt sex.stories.d. and which I'll continue to develop and revise from time to time. My theory is that if all of these tips were followed, about 95% of the really distracting errors in a.s.s. stories would be eliminated. I was going to name this part of the column TIP OF THE {something sexual}, but I thought the innuendo might detract from the sober serious business at hand. Here is this issue's Tip: SETENCECE FRAGMENTS. Make sure every sentence contains a full thought that makes sense. Bad: "He kept fucking her. Until she begged him to stop. Better: "He kept fucking her until she begged him to stop. Actually, it's sometimes OK to have an incomplete sentence (like the one marked "bad" above); but you should only do that on purpose. And for a good reason. Like emphasis. Like this. But it gets distracting if you do this too often. Like this. Improper fragments seem to occur most often when the writer has a long sentence that concludes with a subordinate clause. The writer often incorrectly puts the last thought into a separate sentence, like this: Bad: "While she continued to drive him crazy by fondling his balls with her free hand, she began to suck on his cock. Until he came in a wild explosion of excitement." In this example there should be a comma after cock, and a lowercase "until." (One Freudian theory is that women make this mistake more often then men - because they think something bad will happen if they skip a period. I myself don't subscribe to that theory.)