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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 160 - Feb 22
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 160 - February 22, 1997
Note: It seems that AOL is so hung up on fixing its overload problem that the
organization is ignoring its persistent problem of truncating stories sent to
a.s.s. Eli (of alt.sex.stories.moderated) has been kind enough to offer to
post my stories for me, and so I'll simply send this to him and ask him to
repost it. I regret the delays this causes. Please continue sending
correspondence to me at celeste801@aol.com.
Second Note: I might add that alt.sex.stories.moderated is off to a
successful start. If you're looking for stories that are almost certain to
be actual stories (as opposed to spam), this is a good place to look. The
moderator does not try to guarantee that they are GOOD stories, but I have
found that I have reviewed about half of the stories that appear there, and
many of them are pretty good. I encourage authors whose stories I review to
post with alt.sex.stories.moderated. The address for story submissions is
<story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
- Celeste
"Personal Session" by David Matthews 2 (stripper sex) 9, 8, 8
"A New Scarf" by Dulcinea (romance & light bondage) 10, 10, 10
"Her Turn" by Dulcinea (romance & light bondage) 10, 10, 10
"Bewitched: Long Lost Marilyn" by Shelby Bush (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
"Slut Poems" by M Power (poetry) 8, 5, 5
"The Beaver Meets Mr. Ed" by Unknown Author (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
"A Fly on the Wall" by P. D. Michael (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"In Springtime" by Unknown Author (prose poetry) 7, 5, 5
"Sense of Hearing" by Unknown Author (HS reunion) 9.5, 9.5, 10
"Personal Session" by David Matthews 2 (dmatthew@ix.netcom.com). The guy
goes to a strip club, and after a brief show one of the girls offers him a
"private session." This private session, of course, involves very pleasant
sexual activities. The only thing this story has going for it is the sexual
activity - I mean, there are no philosophical insights, crimes to solve, or
commentary on the nature of male/female relationships. As such, it's good,
but not great. If you're a guy who likes to fantasize about how good it
would be to get sex in a private session from a stripper, you may enjoy this
story immensely. Personally, I suspect that sex-for-pay with the typical
stripper may not be quite as good as this. But I guess that's what dreams
are for!
Ratings for "Personal Session"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A New Scarf" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The wife has a new scarf,
that the husband thinks is too long and, in fact, useless; but she loves it.
In a moment of inspiration, he finds a use for it: he uses it to bind her
hands and then proceeds to tease her deliciously, while he fucks her brains
out. Like most of this author's work, this is a very short but very good
story.
Ratings for "A New Scarf"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Her Turn" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). This is a sequel to the
preceding story (A New Scarf). The wife watches her husband sleep happily
and thinks of a way to make him even happier. She ties him up and teases
him, while fucking his brains out. These two stories are labeled "light
bondage." Assuming that light bondage means that one person immobilizes the
other and takes charge in order to drive that person out of his/her mind with
sexual pleasure, I think I can see why people like it so much.
Ratings for "Her Turn"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bewitched: Long Lost Marilyn" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). In my very
young childhood I watched a sitcom called "Bewitched," which told the story
of Samantha, a lovely witch who married Darrin Stephens without telling him
of her special powers. Those powers -- and Darrin's strange in-laws --
became evident shortly after their wedding. The stories usually revolved
around Samantha resolving not to use her witchcraft, then Darrin ending up in
a jam (because of some stupid action on his part or a practical joke on the
part of one of Samantha's relatives), and Samantha coming to the rescue.
Like Samantha, I too had a secret when I married my husband - my fondness
for this sitcom. However, when I disclosed my aberration to my husband
shortly after he deflowered me, we discovered that it was actually a mutual
weakness. Let's just say that thanks to Nick at Night, my husband no longer
has to whack off to Elizabeth Montgomery alone.
I was initially frustrated to discover that this story is not a
straightforward parody of "Bewitched" episode. Rather, it combines that
sitcom with elements of "The Munsters" and "The Addams Family." {This same
author has posted parodies of both of those shows, and perhaps he'll repost
them in connection with this story.} But then I discovered that the story
stood pretty well in its own right.
So anyway, Marilyn, the long-lost daughter of Serena (Samantha's twin
cousin), has been raised by Lilian and Herman Munster (because her mother
wanted her to have a normal environment), but was under a spell that required
her not to know about or use her magical powers until after she lost her
virginity. When she did lose her virginity, it was with a jerk who just used
her body to masturbate, then rolled over and went to sleep. So she wished it
hadn't happened. Of course, this meant that she had regained her virginity
and retained her powers - either a pleasant or an unpleasant state of
affairs, depending on how one looks at it. And so it goes....
The story uses an excellent combination of voyeurism, magic, and cameo
appearances by people whose identity you'll sometimes have to infer to
integrate some really hot sex scenes into an imaginative plot.
Ratings for "Bewitched"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Slut Poems" by M Power (mpower@nbn.com). These are nasty poems that the
author proclaims to be MF, oral, anal, and groupsex imitations of Dr. Seuss.
Actually, Dr. Seuss writes much better and possibly more erotically. These
poems are simple doggerel - bad poetry with little point. On the other hand,
maybe if you want to avoid the possibility that your true love will focus
more on the poetry you recite during foreplay than on your fumbling
endeavors, there could be some merit to these poems.
On a personal note, one of the advantages of being married to an English
teacher is that I occasionally let my husband Count the Ways while I recite
Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Ratings for "Slut Poems"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"The Beaver Meets Mr. Ed" by Unknown Author (Red Dragon Repost). The gist of
this story can be summarized in the following cryptic conversation:
"Wh-, What are we gonna do, Wally?"
Wally stared thoughtfully at the corpse.
"Aw, Beave, I don't know", he said timidly, "I mean we can't just go and tell
Mrs. Mondello that her son got raped to death by a rabid horse at the
circus!"
This story reads just like a sexually-enhanced episode of "Leave It to
Beaver." Of course, it's not very realistic, because that show didn't have a
talking horse, nor did the fathers of Mayfield usually punish their children
by sodomizing them. Such considerations aside, this is a really funny story.
It even includes this gem near the end:
"You look fine, Beave, but just don't breathe on Mom. You've got horse cum
on your breath."
Ratings for "The Beaver Meets Mr. Ed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Fly on the Wall" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). Two beautiful
librarians were painting the condominium that they shared. Because it was
hot and because they were hot for each other, they were naked. The intercom
buzzed, and the doorman said they had a visitor. When they asked who it was,
he answered, "A blind man." Being very chaste women, they would normally
have gotten dressed before letting a caller into the room, but since the guy
was blind, they just said, "Send him up!" and continued with their work.
When they heard a knock at the door, one of them swung the door open in her
naked splendor, and the young man gawked at them, and a tent suddenly
appeared in his pants. When he recovered his voice, he asked, "Where do you
ladies want these venetian blinds?"
That joke was originally about nuns, but I decided to give nuns and the Amish
a break this week.
The present story is about a blind woman. A young voyeurist takes advantage
of her blindness and sneaks inside her apartment, so that he can gaze upon
her naked beauty without her knowing that he is there - like a fly on her
wall. The woman masturbates in front of him. {I suppose maybe that's how
she got to be blind.} Well, she figures out that he's there {the guy was so
horny that even I could smell his precum across cyberspace}, but she doesn't
get upset. Instead, she invites him to have passionate sex with her. It's a
very good story, but not quite as good as my librarian joke.
Ratings for "A Fly on the Wall"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"In Springtime" by Unknown Author (THC Archives). This passage of poetic
prose appears to have been written by e.e. cummings on a day when he had a
headache and was more confused than usual. I'm sure it makes sense of some
sort, but you possibly have to be high on whatever the author was using in
order to appreciate it. There's no overt sex, at least none that I could
notice; but in a strange way this very short story is interesting - or maybe
not.
Ratings for "In Springtime"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Sense of Hearing" by Unknown Author (THC Archives). Peter is attending the
20-year reunion of his high school class. Look! It's Becky, his true love,
who moved away clear across the country but looks as good as ever and whose
husband has stayed at home in Seattle. She drops by his hotel room to
discuss old times....
It's a good story - even though Becky's hair color changes drastically
between the first and fiftieth paragraphs. When they eventually make love,
they can hear a former classmate making it with her husband in the next room;
and this auditory voyeurism makes the story a little sexier (hence the title
of the story). Becky's mother always told her that she would be happier if I
she waited to have sex - and 20 years seems to be a proper amount of time.
This sort of thing could become habit forming - unless her husband decides
to come to the fortieth reunion.
Ratings for "Sense of Hearing"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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