Message-ID: <44130asstr$1062069002@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Message-ID: <20030822170941.35283.qmail@web14309.mail.yahoo.com> From: Anoninsac MIME-Version: 1.0 X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 10:09:41 -0700 (PDT) Subject: {ASSM} A Texas Weddin' (wedding MF humor) {Anoninsac} Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2003 07:10:02 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, newsman Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright, 2003 with all rights reserved by the author unless explicitly waived. Non-commercial re-posts to ASSM or similar venues are allowed provided copyright information remains on the re-posted story. As a courtesy to the author please do not delete the copyright information. No commercial reprints are authorized. The author relishes your comments at anoninsac (at) yahoo (dot) com. Right now my inbox is filling every hour with the sobig virus. If I don't answer try again... If you like this story, see my other stories at www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/anoninsac/www. WARNINGS: This story depicts consensual sexual activity between men and women. If you are too young to read about sex please do not read this. This story was written as part of the Wedding celebration for Souvie. Congratulations to all young lovers! The below is 100% true. I swear... ;-) A Texas Weddin' The groom, in his new bib overalls and his fancy dress boots, stood by the altar at the end of the aisle that had been cleared of tumbleweeds. Thar were lots of spring Bluebonnets scattered all around and a canvas overhang had been put up on tall tent poles to keep the sun offen the people. The cows had been run out of the pasture to prevent one o' them unfortunate accidents like happened at Debra Jo Becker's weddin'. Tarnation, steppin' in a fresh cow patty as ya'all are tryin' to get to the altar is just a bad omen to start out your life together. Since it was already ten in the morning all the boys had been drinkin' long necks for nigh onto four hours. The women folk was still a scurryin' around getting' the youngins in place. Right then the fiddler took up the march, at least ways, some of them notes sounded like a weddin' march. Old Jake, the fiddler, had been pullin' on them long necks since dawn hisself and he was havin' a might of a problem. Now, I seen Jake playin' Barn music so tore he could hardly stand. But sumthing fancy like a weddin' march was a bit too much for Jake in his current condition. I was getting' a might antsy and I was aware of a bunch of the men folk edgin' toward the back of the weddin' tent. Then some of the women folk noticed and we got them stares, `Where in tarnation you think you're going?' Amazing what a women can do with her eyes. We all looked over at the open pit where the barbeque was smellin' so damn fine and the long necks was coolin' off in the ice and we'd licked our lips and edge back a ways in toward the middle of the weddin' tent. Right then the bride, Susie Ann, done showed up. She was wearing white, which don't seem right. I mean, thar ain't been a woman make it to the altar a virgin in Texas for nigh on a hundert years. I mean, if'n the girl cain't find anyone else that's what family is for, ain't it? But tradition is tradition, so she was decked out in a white cowgirl shirt with them tassels sewed all up the arms and `crossed the chest. Them silver buttons just a glinted in the sun makin' the whole thing sparkle. She had on white jeans that looked like they was spray painted on. I mean, damn, you could see'd she weren't wearin' a lick under them things. Of course, she was a gettin' married so it didn't seem right to stare. And she had borrowed her Ma's finest boots and had them dyed a pure white to finish up the outfit. She was plumb purty if ya asked me. Good enough to eat if you'll excuse the vulgarity on such a day. Well, Susie Ann took off down the aisle draggin' her poor Pa after. She waren't gonna let no man get away once't she had him at the Altar! Them boots raised a fine trail of dust as she clomped down the aisle. The women folk was gettin' teary, dabbin' at their eyes and smilin' like sumthing great was a happenin'. All that was happenin' was poor Jethro Tyrone Jackson was a tyin' hisself down. That just ain't nuthin' to celebrate to my mind. The Revered Jackson, Jethro's uncle, (and some wags say his Pa but ya all know'd how them preacher men are) stepped forward and recited some words from the Good Book. I weren't paying no mind so I cain't rightly tell ya what he said. I was edging my way toward the back o' the tent agin so when he had done married them two I wasn't kilt in the stampede. I was a plannin' to be out o' thar first. Well, I heard the Revered say, "You are now Man and Wife," right as Jeb Ferguson tore out of the weddin' tent. I followed on his heels. You know, old Jeb sure is spry for a man near seventy. But I run him down purty easy. The rest of the men folk was putting dust in the air as well so I kept a pumping my legs as if a longhorn in a rut was on my tail. Billy Joe Wheelock passed me right about the last ten yards to the barbeque but I was a solid second. Billy Joe is a first class runner `cuz when his Pa's been drinkin' ole Billy Joe has to run faster than his Pa can swing a switch. Susie Ann's Pa had hired some of the brazeros from the Bar K ranch and them boys had been cookin' all morning. Now, you got to be careful when you get Mexicans to do the barbeque. I like a little fire in my barbeque same as any self-respecting Texan but them brazeros could put enough peppers in the sauce to light you up like a Christmas tree. The boys had the meat ready to go, knowing it was in their best interests not to hold back on the food. They was piling the ribs and brisket on plates and topping that with black eyed peas and taters baked in the fire pit. Man, that is good eatin'. I got a plate and escaped the jostling that was beginning now that the smell of meat was in them boy's noses. I grabbed me a handful o' long necks to wash down the ribs and settled in under a lone cottonwood growing by the stream. Now, the steam was just a trickle but it was water and that just makes things seem cooler. Afor ya knowed it, it was getting' a might crowded with all the men chowing down under that tree. I held my own and kept my place up agin the trunk. Now this was heaven. The meat was cooked just perfect, fallin' off the bone, and the sauce was just right. Add in them long necks and that baked tater and I was in heaven. After we'd had a chance to get the edge offen our hunger we started to laugh about poor Jethro Tyrone and what he'd be doing in a few hours. The conversation turned a bit ribald if ya catch my drift. We knew that double-wide would be a rockin' tonight! Old Jeb was laughin' and tellin' `bout the time Joe Bob Clanton had to get married. The bride was in a family way and on the honeymoon she wouldn't let him touch her - afraid she'd get pregnant! Poor Joe Bob begged and pleaded all night long but it did him no good. Wasn't until the next day when her Ma explained that she couldn't get pregnant once't she already was in that condition she done let him have his way. That poor boy had a case of blue balls coulda kilt a lesser man. Well, we men finished up eatin' and finished up more than a few long necks. The women folk was all gathered `round Susie Ann, cooing and noddin' and tarnation knows what else. Jethro had to stand thar like he was havin' fun, poor bastard, or else't he'd get what the little piggy got once't the honeymoon started. That poor boy was now at the mercy of a woman. Woe is him. We all had made a few trips to the ice bucket and down to the stream to drain the lizard and I were feelin' a bit woozy. I looked `round and most of the men folk was noddin' off under the cottonwood, fixin' to sleep off them long necks and several pounds of barbeque. Afor I knowed it, I joined `em. ***** The sun was just settin' when I woke. I realized that the fiddle music was a startin'. Time to dance. The women folk was gathered `round waitin' for some lucky gent to kick up his heels with them. I grabbed Zelda Mae Walker by the hand and dragged her out of the crowd of women. She pretended to be fightin' but when we was clear o' them women she kicked up her heels and started to dance. I had to hurry to catch up. I don't rightly know why but it just seemed I was dancing with Zelda the whole night. I got to admit I was havin' a fine time but a man's gotta be careful near a single woman. She can trap you like you was a muskrat afor ya even knowed ya been trapped. But I wasn't thinkin' all that straight with all the long necks I drained that day. Now the bride and groom had snuck off earlier and we heard Susie Ann screaming like a stuck pig a few minutes later so we knowed Jethro done his duty. The women all blushed and flushed and the men took up a laughing and making knowing looks. Susie Ann and Jethro showed up a might later looking flushed and happy so's it was looking good for the marriage. Now nuthin' gets women's engine revved like a weddin'. I guess Zelda Mae done got her engine revved purty good `cuz she was all a flushed lookin' at the way Susie Ann was a smiling. Zelda Mae turned to me and suggested a walk in the coolin' air. I agreed that sounded nice. Well, Zelda Mae done led us straight away toward the creek. She wandered, seeming aimlessly, until we found us a little clearin' covered with soft grass right up on the bank of that stream. She sat down and patted the grass next to her. Well, next thing I knowed she's lookin' all goo goo eyed at me and whisperin' all kinds of ridiculous stuff about how wonderful a weddin' it was and when would the next weddin' be and who'd be gettin' hitched and such like. I didn't see no reason to spoil a perfect day with talk about some poor Joe gettin' hitched. I was fixin' to up and walk back to the dancing when Zelda lean't forward and planted one on my lips. Well damn, if that didn't put me back. I ask't her, "What you do that fur?" She smiled and told't me, "`Cuz I wanted to," and then she did it agin. When a woman just ups and starts kissin' ya it makes things all foggy like. I didn't quite know what to do. But I figured, I'm the man, I'm the one supposed to be doing the kissin'. So I lean't forward and kissed her. That just put us in a mind for even more kissin'. Now things was gettin' real foggy fur me and I rightly didn't know which way was up. But I did feel Zelda Mae's hand sneaking up along my leg. That made old One Eye come awake. When her hand found him all hard and long she cooed, "Damn if this ain't a nice find. Oh, I think I'm going ta be callin' you Angus." Just like that she was a pulling my Sunday go to Meeting Levi's down and releasin' my friend to the night air. She pushed me back so's I was lying on my back with my jeans down around my ankles. She lifted her dress and settled down atop me. I expected to feel bloomers or sumthing as she set herself on me but the minx done foxed me `cuz what I felt was her little cootchie rubbin' along willie. She was hot and wet and afor you could say Rumpledforeskin she was a sliding down my pole. She bottomed out and then a started ridin' me like I was her favorite buckskin trottin' `round the trainin' ring, she's a just a bangin' away. Lucky she waern't wearin' her spurs or I might a been maimed for life. She was makin' these soft little grunts every time she bottomed out and every once't in a while this little squeal. I was gettin' mighty worked up myself. Zelda Mae bottomed out once't more and then she went all stiff and just sorta trembled, her head thrown back like a coyote yelping at the moon. I never saw the likes of it in my born days. Then she just pitched forward like a rag doll and breathin' hard started to kiss on me again. I didn't know what to make of all that. But I knowed that willie was feeling a bit disregarded. So, I started to push him up into Zelda Mae. She squealed a little and pushed back. Purty soon I was banging away myself. As she rode me her fingers grabbin' a holt of my shirt dang near a ripping it from my chest. `Bout then I was overcome by that exquisite feeling ya get and I let Zelda Mae have a big un. Now, if I'm being truthful I cain't rightly say I never felt nothin' akin to this afor. I had. But it is a different thing to be a whackin' yourself behind the shed and feeling it being inside a woman. This were so much better than my poor hand I nearly went blind from the pleasure of pouring myself into Zelda Mae. We laid thar in the cool night air listenin' to the cicada's sing and the stream trickle by. It sure was pleasant lying thar with Zelda Mae on top o' me, touching her and feeling her breathin'. We laid't thar a piece when I heard some footsteps coming our way. I told't Zelda Mae and we hopped up and straightened our clothes. Who ever it was didn't see us as we skedaddled behind some bushes. What we see'd were Katie Jo McNown and Mary Beth Murphy walkin' hand in hand into the clearin' from the way we'd come. We see'd them lay down in the clearin' and commence to start talking real low like. I couldn't figure why a couple girls would be out in the clearin' like that but didn't make no never mind ta me. Zelda Mae wanted to stay but I told't her that we should be gettin' back afor her Pa figured out we was missin'. Zelda Mae's Pa was a crack shot with his double barrel and I wasn't lookin' forward to givin' him no reason to jack a round into that Winchester. She looked wistful like back at the clearin' but turned and we started walkin'. On the way back to the dance we was holdin' hands. Now I was a bit worried that my pals would see me holdin' hands like a idiot but it just seemed like I ought to. I mean, me and Zelda Mae done the deed. It was the least I could do was to hold her hand. We just stood around and talked about nuthin' at all until the dance done broke up. I walked Zelda Mae home and we kissed real gentle like standin' on her front porch. It was funny the way I was feelin' as I walked home. I was a thinkin' `bout that weddin' today. For all that the boys was gettin' on Jethro he did look kinda happy. Damn, but a woman can sure make a man unsure of the simplest thangs. I begun to wonder about how'd it'd be havin' Zelda Mae `round all o' the time. She was fun to talk to in some ways and doing that dirty deed was beyond, well, dadburn anythang! I was a kickin' the tumbleweeds aside as I walked, almost a whistling as I thought about Zelda Mae and what a nice girl she was. I had to admit it was a nice weddin' and I thought a nice little thought `bout all them folks lucky enuf to be hitched in a Texas weddin'. __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! 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