Message-ID: <42031asstr$1051103403@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Message-ID: <20030422175524.12897.qmail@nym.alias.net> From: Crimson Dragon X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 22 Apr 2003 17:55:24 -0000 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #025 - 22-Apr-2003 Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2003 09:10:03 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, gill-bates, IceAltar -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- "Ya better come inside when you're ready to But no chance if ya don't wanna dance You like four letter words when you're ready to But then you won't 'cos you know that you can You got it, but are you gettin' it?" -- Def Leppard It's sexual abuse awareness month, don't you know? Monsters abound -- but then, so do Naiads, wars, deserts, hitchhikers, and palindromes. But what of Dragons? - Crimson +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the wind. - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson Review Archives: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www +----------------------------------------------------------------------- If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that tickles you. Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/ +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Story Summary: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Drafted -- Couture (Sci Fi, No Sex) [10,1,10,9] By the Road -- Naive (M/F, Rom, flash-fic) [8,10,8,10] Forward and Backward in White with Buckles -- Alexis S. (Palindrome Flash) [10,10,10,10] Afraid -- Dryad (MF, high school, wartime) [10,10,10,10] Desert -- Uther Pendragon (mf 1st hs) [10,10,10,10] Female Plumbing Problem -- Vulgar Argot (MF, magic, softcore) [10,10,10,10] Monsters -- Alexis S. (MF rom tragedy) [10,10,10,10] Reviews: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Drafted -- Couture (Sci Fi, No Sex) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Couture/www/Drafted.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41477 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Couture/www/ It is a new world after the terrorists have managed to change the society that considered itself free. Freedoms, one by one, fall to the Gods of apathy. Our narrator is simply the latest victim of his own apathy when a young, college-aged, girl comes knocking on his door. What does she want? For him to become far less apathetic, of course. Nothing like being drafted to change one's view on activism. [ ... somehow shocked me somehow to {paralize} me. ] "paralyze" At least in the US. The "somehows" might be redundant. This story is not meant to titillate, but rather is a strong commentary on especially the American way of life. In that regard, it is an excellent piece, though I suspect that the plot lines and the commentary are heavily influenced by recent world events. And while the story should appeal to all, I think it is aimed more towards Americans than other parts of the this planet. I'm not sure I was really in the mood for a story like this, but that doesn't mean that it is a poor story. Quite the opposite, in fact. Meaningful, and well executed. Simply not erotica, that's all. Technical : 10 Eros : 1 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 9 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- By the Road -- Naive (M/F, Rom, flash-fic) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/naive/www/btr.html http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41504 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/naive/www/ While changing a flat tire, he meets a girl standing in the rain, soaked to the skin, hitchhiking. He doesn't normally pick up hitchhikers, but this time, in the rain, he makes an exception. It changes his life. [ Hopping in out of the rain I found her asleep in the back seat. Her face looked so serene, unlike those eyes I'd seen her staring at me with before. ] The first sentence needs a comma after the introductory phrase. The second sentence (and to a lesser degree in the first as well), there are way, way, way too many prepositions. It makes it awkward to read. Maybe try: Her eyes had stared at me with such life before; now, her face looked serene, like a sleeping baby. The concepts need to be separated for clarity. It is almost always a bad sign when prepositions collide. Naive uses a different voice than we are used to. He uses sentence fragments, and short sentences very effectively. In a way, it reminds me of a certain Dragon's earlier writing, and how can I fail to like that? I liked the concentration on emotion, and feeling, and setting. The rain soaked girl, the gentleman's behaviour towards her, her scepticism. It all merges into a very readable and enjoyable tale. That's the important part. The rest comes with practice. Technical : 8 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 8 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Forward and Backward in White with Buckles -- Alexis S. (Palindrome Flash) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/HIA_fabiwwb.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41537 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/ Palindrome: a word, verse, or sentence, or a number that reads the same backward or forward. Okay, I have no idea why, but this is cool. The palindromes with which I'm more familiar are words, like, "radar" or "racecar" (didn't know that was a palindrome, did ya?). Alexis has taken this to a different level, and written a story around it. And I have no other way to describe it. 'tis cool, and sexy, and eerie, all at the same time. And it tickles my brain. Go read it. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Afraid -- Dryad (MF, high school, wartime) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/afraid.html http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41601 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/ When Gary enlists, our narrator doesn't quite know how to feel. Doesn't matter. She feels, and that feeling is fear. Fear for him. Fear for her. Fear for everything. Fear can be a powerful motivator, and our beautiful narrator makes some of the toughest decisions of her young life. And that takes bravery of a different sort. [ He seemed to expect it. Maybe {its} some sort of guy thing that I just can't understand. ] Just a typo. Dryad gets it right everywhere else. This story had an air of realism to it, and being a realistic Dragon, I like that. I really felt that I knew Dryad's characters here, and their emotion and their actions seemed to fit the plot. In these times, perhaps such stories are even more important, but this story would be good no matter what the outside world was doing. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 Editorial Note: Dryad didn't code this story, nor is she required to. Story codes are only approximate, as generated by a half-asleep Dragon. +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Desert -- Uther Pendragon (mf 1st hs) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/story/desert.htm Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/index.htm For some strange reason, this story reminded me of John Cougar's (or had he already messed about with his name when he recorded it?) song: "Jack and Diane." Charlene has grown up. She's a cheerleader now, and she is going out with Dave, a football star. This is their story, a curiously passionless affair that showcases just how shallow we can be in high school. In some ways, love is important to Charlene, but is it more important than popularity? In this, there is a note of realism. But I can't help wondering what became of Peter. Peter was Charlene's old friend from the time before she had developed breasts. Peter didn't really seem to fit into the story, but perhaps he should have. There was opportunity to contrast there that I think was wasted, but it doesn't really matter. The story holds on its own, and I think the point comes across. I guess our main characters, Charlene and Dave, got exactly what they deserved. A desert, indeed. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Female Plumbing Problem -- Vulgar Argot (MF, magic, softcore) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/VulgarArgot/plumbing.txt http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41676 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/VulgarArgot/index.html I had no idea what I was getting into with this. When I picked it up from the news server, I guess I was expecting one of those rather dull gynaecological/doctor/nurse stories that seem to be so popular. Wrong. You see, Chris is a software engineer, and a rather busy one at that. Awful users. Long hours. You get the picture. One night, after he's cancelled a date for the third time, he returns home to find his water tap functioning oddly. And so, he finds a wrench, and makes his way into the basement. Finding the clog, he loosens the pipe, but what he finds isn't exactly what he was expecting. Instead of murky, brackish clog water, a naiad appears forming from the water -- beautiful, naked, enticing, and very lost. You might think that's all there is to it? Chris bonking a beautiful water naiad? Let me assure you that Vulgar Argot has far, far more in store for us than such a simple plot. [ "Are you a god?" Chris knew he should answer yes. He remembered what happened in Ghostbusters when the answer had been no. But ... ] Nothing wrong with it. Having recently seen Bill Murray and the crew, I have to give this the award for best line used in a story, at least in so far as I read for these reviews. [ ... wrapping his arms around her waist. Eventually, the {weigh} caused her to stumble, falling to one knee. ] Close. 'Weight'. Typo. Vulgar has really written a rather unique story here. It's sexy. It's fun. It effectively mixes a wonderful story, with a touch of offbeat humour, great characters, and beautiful Eros. So, don't let the title fool you. It is about as far from a gynaecological examination as you'll get. But don't take my word for it. Go read it yourself. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Monsters -- Alexis S. (MF rom tragedy) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/HIA_monsters.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41672 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/ April is Sexual Abuse Awareness month, or something like that. That's why Alexis has reposted this story. And I'm glad that she did. It's appropriate. And I've been waiting patiently for a repost, simply so I could review this story. Charlotte arrives in Alaska in a blur, driving her vehicle into a ditch. But when Robert arrives to help, he discovers a girl far more banged up than a simple drive into a ditch was likely to produce. And so begins their relationship, and our story. This is not a happy story, but it is a story that needs to be told. "Monsters" reveals a harsh and gritty reality of abuse -- one that far too many people have to face, and only the strong survive. This story shows the harsh realities of sexual abuse that are often glossed over around here in an attempt at titillation. It isn't pretty, but is it real. The story focuses on Charlotte and her ordeal, in unusual clarity. If we, as writers of erotica cannot explore such themes, then who can? This isn't erotica, but it is a story that tackles related themes that aren't explored enough in our desires to produce pure titillation. The Eros score below doesn't reflect titillation in this case -- this story really cannot be classed as 'erotica' in any classic sense. Rather, the Eros score reflects a subtle beauty that Alexis has managed to capture above and beyond the horrific subject matter that she has tackled. As I've said before, Eros does not equate with quantity of sex -- at least not in these reviews. I felt for Charlotte, and I think that the images within will remain with me for a long, long time, disturbing as they are. If you are looking for a more typical BDSM story, where the lady of the hour can only cry out to "Rape me, more!", then you ought to look elsewhere -- but then again, maybe you shouldn't. Well done, Alexis, especially considering the subject matter. Sometimes we need to think. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3ia Charset: noconv iQEVAwUBPqWAMUxM3srBk85hAQF7xwf+Iocp9Za2M3kLcNce7NKC330weRXShjFU n0U6ILJAw041m6j+eXaVKrbME5WKKRkvzm8LnvFkS2M6j3C6YOA8Ga0qZKqcMc9d /LCozKbe9GRbrxLfuzPqEC2NPPatqBtqmFPDoT4G5CjS9/e7My5f9r3TZqt091u6 45WYOeptNAOXsqJ9VUztj/dJvybBvAfzeOkEcl69JE5YszahNP4V4er7rSLd3iKx VhMWLqhw8E1zLfyxLpcut+QXg/whcCL0F+RJxJeds4s1/t5GgKHfOK4KrGEzZPu3 SX65xbJyBHiWa0hIxyXLSMZxzw5CuyG6ZfhLuYauBNMQeORrVDHW/g== =Zxw2 -----END PGP SIGNATURE----- -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at Hosted by | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+