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From: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} The defloration party -- why?
Date: Fri,  4 Apr 2003 20:10:04 -0500
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Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

I have been asked by a reader to explain "the involvement of parents in
pushing their children to have sex".

That, of course is not what I said, and the issue is far more complex. The
families I knew were offshoots and successors to the commune movement of the
1960s and to the alternative sects that proliferated at the same time,
especially the Children of God. (I should add, that I wrote most of my essay
on my vacation while there in Spain, and in the fog of Rioja. Re-reading it
now I find it less coherent than I would have liked. I should have noticed
the deficit when I edited it and added URLs, but I didn't.) Most of what
follows is taken from my diary and notes and from follow-up calls to the two
girls involved. I had thought that including this material in prior postings
would bring them too close to a sensitive subject (religion) and that this
forum might not like it posted; but now I think its academic value justifies
my doing it.

Since the beginning of time, both the State and religion have interfered
with sex and (especially) with women's bodies. The commune movement sought
to demystify sex. Different communes and different sects may also have
sought to communize sexual relationships, to disrupt normal parental ties,
to abolish sexual inhibitions and guilt, and, most especially, to recognize
orgasm as a kind of communion with God or nature or soul. The only way to
accomplish that was to free children from contrary influences. They had to
be introduced, not to sex itself, but to the parts of the body that become
the tools of sex. If constantly clothed and hidden, that in itself would
send a message that they are somehow dirty or taboo. Many, perhaps most, men
and women, even today, have a partial aversion to the sex parts of the other
gender. In relation to the vagina, this has been called the cloaca syndrome
(for those too lazy to look it up: the cloaca is where birds' eggs come
from).

Therefore, the founders of some communes and sects, with support from the
odd Ph.D. psychologist, advised parents to go around the house naked, and to
have sex freely and as often as they felt like it in front of the children,
but always reassuring and explaining to the children what was happening, and
that it was an act of love, and that's how they were made, and so on.
Children also should, he said, have visual access to the penises and vaginas
of the parents and of their siblings and of the children of like-minded
parents. They should not be allowed, ever, to think that sex was dirty. To
see a penis entering and leaving a vagina was, the psychologist thought,
reassuring and not frightening to a child if seen and explained early enough
in life. (That certainly is my observation; little kids often got close and
stared at the movement of a penis in and out of my vagina when I was having
sex. Those kids grew up perfectly healthy, but wanting to have sex
themselves when they were old enough. I deduce that only if you consider sex
sinful and dirty and only if you want your kids to grow to old age without
ever having experienced it, can you find justification in banning them from
the room.) That understanding would be transferred to sex between others;
but of course it would be a threat if there was intergenerational, coercive
or incestuous sex. Children needed absolute protection from predators; only
their parents could protect them. When they were ready, kids would do what
came naturally; parents could provide the nurturing environment, and perhaps
the appropriate universe of friends from whom they could pick and choose.

This was the permissive 60s, before AIDS and even before Herpes came to be
widely recognized as an incurable STD. However, sex restricted to a limited
community of children who are absolutely free of incest and sexual
involvement by their elders and who come from within a limited universe does
not carry a particular risk of STDs. The main concern would be psychological
and emotional damage. Those, of course, relate to the guilt and the
inhibitions that had they not been members of a free-love commune otherwise
would have been instilled in them; so in most cases it's a circular argument
to raise it as a risk. What is left is to define "abuse"; and Mom's Friend
and those with whom she developed her theories argued that
inter-generational sex, bullying, coercion of any kind, forcing a person to
do an act s/he does not feel like doing, causing pain -- these are abuse.
Raising a child so that the child has no inhibitions against engaging in sex
with another child of the opposite sex, at an age and state of development
when both children are capable of doing it and of making a considered
decision, is (according to their theories) never abuse.

Defloration is, in fact, according to them, comparable to Protestant baptism
at the age of reason. It is a welcoming into the community of a soul who has
accepted the guiding religious principle (e.g., salvation by faith). If only
those in communion with the Church can be saved, of course parents wish for
their children to accept the savior, or the offer of sex as the case may be,
and to join the community.

Many communes sought to separate sex from love. In Mom's Friend's House, sex
was indeed associated with romance, but not particularly with love. People
who loved each other had sex. So did people who only liked each other, or
who were together only for a short time. Romance and love are quite
different. It is the association of sex with romance that separates us,
entirely, from the world of commercial sex. For our men, it was unthinkable
to pay for sex. Sex had to be a reflection of mutual desire born of libido,
certainly, even lust. But the final scene of a playlet consisting of
flirting, arousal, flattery and response. Only a child growing up to know
that the penis and the vagina are the most beautiful of God's creations --
totally free of the hang-ups and guilt that lead to revulsion (and then,
because "I wouldn't put my penis in the mouth that kisses my babies") to
dishonesty in relationships, to cheating and discord. We girls discussed sex
endlessly, especially after dark, in bed. Every detail of the penis, every
detail of sex, every personal insecurity and every incident of pleasure and
joy was shared.

In each and every instance of first sex, girls at Mom's Friend's House took
the initiative to ask. Admittedly, they would have grown up in this
environment, either at Mom's Friend's House or at a similar home; and they
would have been subject to peer suggestion, if not peer pressure, from our
nightly chats. They would have also seen the performance of sex acts on a
daily basis, including oral and vaginal sex. Of course, most of the time it
would be children slightly older than themselves whom they would have
watched since people tend to socialize in age bands. Even adults are like
that. Kids of course don't automatically have the sophistication that
sexually active people do; but even "adults" new to sex don't have that.
Teasing is part of romance, and usually it has to be learned. If I take a
boy's penis in my hand I'm not going just to stick it in my mouth  and bob
up and down on it. That's what a paid sex worker does. I'm going to tease
it, lick its tip, try to encourage some seminal fluid to creep out of it and
reward me, run my tongue around its crown, massage the testicles below. Only
after long minutes of this romantic mating dance, when I see the boy is
really desperate, will I take his penis finally into my mouth for a steady
run, at a cadence I like to let the boy himself set, to ejaculation. Not in
any competitive way, and certainly not in a nonsensical "deep throat"
theatrical. The point is to be sensuous and lovely. He should be watching
me, looking at my breasts; I should be looking in his face, in his eyes,
then down at his lovely penis. The final act is when I take his semen as an
act of love, swallowing his bits of DNA to make him part of me.

 From the other side, I expect the boy to learn to be respectful, romantic,
and slow and to love my vagina, my clitoris, the way I have loved his penis.
I am entitled to no less. These things can and do come naturally when one
has been nurtured in our sort of setting. We girls had the responsibility to
develop that attitude in our boys; but we had the reward of working with a
clean slate, an innocent, virginal penis one might say. But still, for
either gender, the first time at sex is a watershed, and one does have to
learn. 

I asked Older Girl about her experience, how she came to have her first sex
and get rid of her virginity. Her edited reply follows:

"I had found it uncomfortable to try to use a tampon, so I never used one
before my first sex. (On the other hand, going around from time to time with
a napkin isn't too nice, so I really wanted to fix the problem.) But I was
led to think that the fact I had trouble that way meant my first sex
experience could be painful. So I really wanted my mom [i.e., Mom's Friend]
there to support me, and she was. I did not need to "love" the boy; that was
irrelevant. There's a new French movie that makes that point very well, A Ma
Soeur/Fat Girl. 
[Catherine Breillat, its director, is as much intrigued by female desire and
rite of passage as we are:
http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/film/journal/filmrev/fat-girl.htm ]
I could always talk with absolute openness to my mom, and one day I just
said that I thought it was time, that I wanted to be like all the other
older girls. We were both in the back yard and nude, which was our habit
there, and she sort of looked at me up and down and just said "OK". A few
weeks later we fixed a date, and one week after that there was a party
scheduled anyway and it would be after my next period was over. When the
time came, I'd been told, we should spend a lot of time on foreplay. The boy
was not a virgin; I think he was from a nuclear family in fact, but there
were lots of boys sent to us from families. A few girls, but lots of boys;
we turned many away. It is far better to have equal numbers, or maybe one
extra girl at a sex party or in a sexually-oriented community; the extra
girl can manage, she can take the role of leader and referee and policewoman
and she can have fun with the other girls when they're not dancing or having
sex. But boys get mad if they can't find a willing partner and they have to
masturbate. They feel rejected, which isn't necessarily the case, and of
course boys, even nice boys, can be aggressive when their sexual needs are
suppressed.

"I think that many fathers are afraid that if their sons don't start
heterosexual sex early they're going to wind up gay. Anyway my boy was
there, and naked, and he just came up to me as said 'Hi', and we took it
from there. After a couple of minutes, it couldn't have been more, I was
looking at his penis, holding it and then licking it up and down while
massaging his balls, which I thought were cute. In retrospect I'm surprised
I reached that stage so quickly. I guess my mom must have prompted me from
the sidelines. I had touched boys before in fact, because my mom had
encouraged me to do that. I remember I was about ten, and some older boy was
masturbating, and my mom asked me if I knew what he was doing, and she
explained it. I'd seen it before, and thought I knew, but she told me more,
and told me to go over and look more closely, and that if I wanted I could
put my hand on his penis. I touched it with my finger, that was all.

"Well, now my day had come. I was fondling the boy's penis like a valuable
heirloom, and after a while he told me he'd like me to put it in my mouth
and that he'd do the same for me in a minute. I did that, and tasted a drop
of something come out of it and I looked up at him and he was smiling. He
told me to move my head up and down, which I did. I could feel the boy's
heart pounding, his pulse racing through the shaft of his penis and his
penis vibrating as it got harder and harder. Then, after a minute or so, he
lifted up my head, pulled me to my feet and escorted me by the hand to a
bed, where he pushed me down gently, spread my legs and started to kiss and
suck around my vagina. Mom had nearby and followed, along with some kids who
just watched without saying anything because when one did speak, she was
hushed up by Mom. Finally I decided it was time and I said so. The room
tensed, people stiffened, and the boy moved up over me, and he told me to
take his penis and guide it into my vagina if I was ready to have it. But it
hurt too much when he tried to push it in, and I cried out. Mom came over
right away, and then she put a pillow under me, and she kissed me and held
my hand and told the boy something, and moved his body a little, touching
his penis I think, and he tried harder and his penis went inside me. It hurt
a lot for a minute, and I told him to stop. He didn't, though; the boy kept
moving up and down, his penis going in and out of my vagina, but the pain
subsided. After a few minutes he sort of gasped, and then he came inside me
and he was finished. Mom told him to keep massaging my clitoris and he did
that for a while. I thought I was going to climax right then, but then I got
too distracted and it got sore for me. To show him he hadn't done anything
wrong, though, I made him lie back and I spent a really long time having fun
with his penis. It tasted like me and it tasted like him, and I loved it. I
didn't care that it was only half stiff, that corrected itself anyway within
a few minutes. I just licked it like a lollipop and got every bit of juice
from it. The boy was amazed. After about twenty minutes, I think, he had
another orgasm, just a little one, and some semen came out for me. Just for
me, I was thinking. And I was not yet 13! By that time Mom had left the room
and the girls were talking among themselves.

"I had sex again the next day, and it was great. And it's been great ever
since. So, it really wasn't much of a step from my first sex, to my second,
or third, and so on.

"For me, it worked the way it was supposed to, which is to say that one day
I woke up and I decided I was old enough for sex, and my mom arranged the
first time, and after that nothing could stop me. Because I had no hang-ups
about the penis, I've always been happy to take charge of it. You know that.
It's easy when you're all naked. If I decide that I want to play with a
penis, and that penis isn't otherwise occupied, well I know how to get its
attention. And show me any boy who doesn't dream of oral sex all day long? I
can be talking to a boy about chocolate cake, or the Super Bowl, or
whatever, and within two minutes I can have his penis in my mouth if I want,
and I will get him turned around and eating my pussy a minute after that.
That's life. To take a boy's penis into your mouth is to own that boy,
almost for as long as you like. They are like that, at least the ones we
knew, who grow up having respect for girls and for their bodies, not just
lust. 

And here's what Happy Girl, another girl whom I knew quite well but haven't
quoted before, had to say when I asked her about it:

"My first sex was just before we came to stay with you. My mom arranged it.
She and some friends. It was a real 'defloration party', my 14th birthday. I
had always said I was going to wait longer, until I was 16, but I got the
urge. I would have done it alone if Mom hadn't guessed and suggested we make
a party of it, the way some of the others had. It was like a harem, with
four girls and four boys plus mine, all ex-Church. The boys all had hard-ons
from the minute they took their clothes off. I was the youngest there. The
others were all 15 or 16. I'd had my hair done and everything. It was a real
coming out party, literally.

"First we had to eat some cake and drink something, it was a party after
all, but the boys really wanted to get to sex right away and their hands
were all over us. One boy got icing all over my breast and I yelled at him.
His erection disappeared right away; it was funny. Mom said that we had to
go first, me and my date. She fussed so much that I didn't know if this
party was for her or for me. But she and the other girls had talked about
nothing but sex for days, and I'd been kept away from boys, I think because
Mom thought I'd cheat and have sex in advance. It just got more and more
exciting in the preceding days. Now the boy got real close to me and thought
he should set the scene, but Mom was in control and she positioned me on the
bed, with my legs wide apart, so everybody would be able to see inside of
me. She said this is the loveliest time of my life, that there is nothing
but beauty between a girl's thighs, she oohed and ahed over the 'lovely
pink'. She even moved my lips apart for a second to show off 'the promised
land'. Remember, she was nude too, and her big breasts were moving about
importantly. Also she was swaying her hips in a certain way, maybe not
wanting me to be the sole object of attention or adoration, sort of like the
mother of the bride. She sat the boy down on the bed, and then Mom and the
girls and the other boys just sat on the floor or whatever chairs there
were, and the boy started touching me all over. And then he was kissing me,
and rubbing my breasts, and kissing them, and then he moved down and kissed
my pussy area. There's really only so much you can or want to do at sex; I
don't know how they can fill a whole book with different positions that
nobody likes. 

"Then he surprised me by putting his tongue in between my labia, and moving
it around and into my vagina. The next thing I knew, he'd swung his leg over
my head, and his penis was over my face and I could see it hard and stiff as
anything. His scrotum was all shrunken, his balls compact against his body.
I had thought they would hang down and get in the way, but they didn't. Of
course I knew what he wanted, but I wasn't really ready for it, but Mom just
said 'take it', so I opened my mouth and sort of popped it in with my
finger, and right away I was glad, because I could taste a drop of
something, and I liked it. I recognized it then as pre-cum, because I'd had
long explanations of sex from the other girls, but I'd forgotten really.
Maybe Mom had mentioned it too, because she and Dad did oral sex a really a
lot.

"For a few minutes we stayed like that. Then the boy got off me, and I knew
it was time for the main event and that he wasn't going to come in my mouth
that time and maybe spoil my day. He looked me in the eyes, kissed me, and
put his hand on his penis, and suddenly it was inside my vagina. It hadn't
hurt at all, it just sort of went 'squoosh'. His penis went in and out, he
looked me straight in the eyes and smiled, and went on and on, and it
started to feel good. Then, suddenly, he came, but he kept moving in and out
for several minutes, until after a while his penis got softer, and just sort
of fell out. Mom came over and hugged me, and that was my first time. After
that, all the others, our friends and guests, had sex too. Having communal
sex, in pairs though, was to us like a religious event. The pleasure was
always magnified because others were around you doing it too, and you heard
their cries of joy. Really it was like a revival meeting. I just felt like
now I was a member of the community, of the congregation. I knew I could
bring any boy closer to spiritualism, and it was wonderful. Mom had always
said that as I became more spiritual myself my own pleasure would reflect
that; and of course it's true that as I became better at sex, more used to
it, I got so I climaxed a lot, I knew what to tell my partner, and where he
should touch me with his hands, his tongue, his penis, and so on.

"My brother, who was just 12, had been excluded from the party. It's not
that he wasn't allowed to see us naked or anything, because of course he did
all the time. In fact, not long before this event, Mom had described for my
brother what a hymen was and showed him in a book what it looked like. He
wanted to see mine, and I actually spread my legs for him (I can't believe
this) but he couldn't see anything, or anyway he said he couldn't. Our
parents thought it was healthy for kids to see bodies of all ages, penises
and breasts of all sizes. But Mom had thought it wasn't appropriate for him
to see blood, and that anyway the guests might not like him there. Younger
and little kids could see incidental or spontaneous sex. But they weren't
supposed to be around for group sex, or anything like this. But though
nobody had noticed him come in, he was standing right there in the open
doorway when the boy was on top of me; he'd seen me in 69 and he'd seen me
deflowered. Where he was, he would have seen my boy's penis hovering over my
vagina, and he would have seen it guided home, and all its thrusts, and
then, because my boy of course came a lot after all that, it got kind of
messy. There wasn't anything anybody could say or do now, he'd seen it. (I
was to hear from him later that he thought it 'awesome'.) And his penis,
although still kind of small (or so I had thought, when seeing it flaccid)
and with not too much hair, and his balls just tight up against the bottom
of his penis not hanging down the way I thought they should, was standing
straight up. In fact I could see now that my brother's penis was much bigger
than I'd ever noticed. And he was holding it, almost as if it hurt, not
masturbating exactly, just sort of struggling with himself. He was panting,
even. All of a sudden this had become very weird. Well, to outsiders maybe
the whole party was weird, but not to us. Just this little boy a few months
into puberty, with a growing penis and lots of hormones.

"One of the girls, who of course had an older boy as her date, whispered
something in her boy's ear, and then she took charge. She told my brother to
come over to her, and she just put his penis in her mouth and she gave him a
blow job, right there in front of us. By this time I had sat up and I was
staring. It calmed him down, and everybody thought it was quite funny.
Anyway, he sat down in a corner somewhere, satisfied, and the girl who'd had
his penis in her mouth took her date by the hand, and they had sex right on
the bed where I'd been, without any formality or foreplay. Then suddenly Dad
came home, running and undressing at the same time; he'd been delayed. I
never saw him get undressed so fast, I suppose he felt out of place clothed.
Nobody much paid too much attention to him, because the one couple was doing
it already on the bed, and all the other couples were kissing and feeling
each other all over, breasts and penises and vaginas in hand.

"As it happens, my younger brother's being there had unexpected
consequences. My family didn't consider themselves 'swingers' because they
took their marriage seriously. What they did was 'common expression of
love', having nudist parties where people might have sex 'only with the
partner what brung me' and who felt that children having sex with their
friends was a sort of mating game, dating like any other. Well, now, like a
soccer mom, my mom was going to have to work out possible relationships for
both of us, at least to the extent of finding eligible partners we could
choose from. Because with the risk of disease you can't have outsiders. And
you can't get kids to use condoms for oral sex. For my brother, it meant
finding older girls who were willing, because you can't just drag 11- or 12-
or even 13-year old girls into sex. You say you [i.e., me, Carol] had sex at
that age, but you lived differently from us. Anyway, we didn't have sex all
that often, not until I got to be 16 and could get into my own crowd. But
for my brother, it was like the bull heifer who got into the cows' field,
there's no turning back and I would see him around, looking in pain, with a
hard-on that got bigger and bigger by the month. I thought he was being
turned on by me, and it bothered me, but he denied it. The problem, his
problem, was finally solved because one of my girlfriends took a fancy to
him, or really to his penis; and he wound up having sex more often than I
did. I would just sit there and watch while my friend excused herself for a
few minutes and either gave him a blow job or, more often, lay back and let
him have fun. I told her, and him too, that she ought to make him eat her
pussy first, and from then on that's what he did. It was odd for me to see
my kid brother, his rump in the air and his balls so visible, his penis
stiff as an arrow and his head buried in the pussy of my friend, giving her
the climax of her life with his lips and his tongue. Only when she cried out
in orgasm was he allowed to move up, kiss her on the lips, insert (or more
correctly, let her insert) his penis into her vagina and ejaculate. In the
beginning his penis was quite loose in her vagina and would fall out
sometimes, but after a while it didn't happen any more, either because he
got bigger or he gained expertise, I don't know which. Sometimes he'd still
be at school or at band practice when she came, and If he wasn't home when
she visited she'd be disappointed. She actually measured his penis a few
times to check its growth, and she threatened to keep a chart. That was
funny. If a lot of girls were around, she preferred just to give him a blow
job, which was interesting to watch -- she was slower and more deliberate
than on the day of my own defloration. You could sometimes see the other
girls' lips and heads moving sort of in sympathetic unison as she lifted her
head to reveal my brother's glans penis, licked around its tip, then lowered
her head so that the upper part of his penis disappeared; then repeated the
motions. When he finally came, she would want everyone to see it, some
dripping down his penis, some dripping out of her mouth, until she slurped
it in and swallowed, licked her lips, dressed and said 'let's go'. Their
affair went on for years, and we all thought he was the luckiest teenager in
town. He did, too.

"I found that teens, when they want to show off, think that 69 is quite
neat, which it is, although it's a bit of work. It's fun to watch, because
you can see everything, especially when the girl is on top. You can see her
boy stretching his tongue to get as deep as it will go into her vagina, and
then running all around her clitoris and labia. You can see much more of her
inner parts than you can when kids are doing it in the missionary position.
While the boy is struggling to reach her clitoris, and to run his tongue
over everything and maybe take all of it into his mouth, the girl is trying
to maintain constant friction on the tip of his penis. If she's on top at
least she can move her head up and down, pressing her lips and tongue
against his shaft and especially the tip; but if she's on the bottom she has
to work harder because she has to do everything with her mouth unless he
helps a lot. If either one loses concentration and stops, then the momentum
is lost, and the couple will be out of step; so timing is the big thing and
it's not easy. Well, I guess a lot of teens, our friends anyway, had nothing
better to do than practice this with like-minded partners. Because they
looked pretty good at it, and I knew it was something I'd have to get used
to. Now I love it. You need room to do it in, though; you can't do it in a
broom closet the way you can a blow job."

As to fathers arranging for and attending their boys' first sex experience,
I would like also to repeat a part of a previous essay, "Terrific Girl's
Story", which speaks for itself.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38968

"In Carol's last essay she writes about fathers wanting to introduce their
sons to sex, and she wonders how common it is. As a matter of fact, and as
she knows, I have a story about that too. My mom, who never had custody of
me and whom I saw maybe a couple of times a year, called me once to say that
a man she had met, a divorced guy, out of the blue invited her and me to
spend a week in Mexico during spring vacation. His son was 13 and so was I.
Apparently the invitation was only good if I went along; already that gives
you a hint of what the guy had in mind. Well, I'd never been abroad, and it
seemed like a good opportunity, so I went. It was one of those package tours
to a Mexican beach resort. We got there in the late afternoon, walked about
the town and saw some of the sights. After dinner we stayed in the hotel
lobby for a while and had a drink, then went up to the room. I guess the
father's intentions became clear enough when he set out the sleeping
arrangements, although I have to say he couldn't have known much about our
lifestyle so it was rather presumptuous. He got undressed and told his son
to get undressed. Mom wasn't so used to this sort of thing -- the kind of
family nudity I was so used to -- and she had never been naked with a man in
front of me. It wasn't that she had any particular principles against it; it
just hadn't happened because she hadn't been there in our house all those
years. So while I wasn't bothered at all, she just sat there,
half-undressed, transfixed, bewildered. The father started undressing my mom
the rest of the way and he was kissing her and playing with her breasts, and
she sat there, not too responsive. I, of course, was in my element. The son
seemed somewhat embarrassed so I thought I would help him out and I led him
over to the bed . We lay down together and he started fondling me in a
crude, embarrassed sort of way. I stroked his penis but after a while it
became clear he was too nervous with his father watching to get an erection
that way. So I bent over him and kissed his penis and I began to give him
oral sex, and eventually that worked, and he ejaculated in my mouth. I
swallowed it right away, which surprised him, and his dad, and perhaps my
mom too. But it was second nature to me. I saw their surprise, however, so I
made believe it was an accident. Whatever it was, the event aroused his
father quite visibly. His penis was fiercely erect and he didn't try to hide
it. He put on a condom and he had vaginal sex with my mom, although she was
still too bewildered to do much besides lie there. I wondered how much fun
it could have been for either of them."

I have written that I thought the best venue for a boy or a girl to have sex
the first time was at one of our nude dances. Although the protocol changed
over the years, there were some constants. They were planned and directed
mostly, I would say almost exclusively, by girls. Guests could come as
couples, indeed they were welcome that way and if they came alone they would
be admitted only in girl-boy pairs. First come first served, and once the
designated hour arrived the door was closed and any unmatched boys (usually)
were sent away, with a promise of a rain check, or first admission next
time, and a kiss goodbye. There was then a sort of self selection; the girls
would pick their boys with a priority based on the time of the girl's
arrival, which of course gave the home team an advantage. We all wore very
skimpy clothes, maybe a see-through top, or a bikini even. Anyway sometimes
the rule was we got undressed immediately, sometimes we danced first and the
first couple to feel like it might take tops off and pretty soon nobody
would have any clothes on. By the time we got to slow dancing, every boy
would have an erection, and the girls would be teasing them, making them
desperate to have their bodies. Mom's Friend, or if the dance was in another
house the parents there, saw their job as mainly to keep the noise at
reasonable levels so it couldn't be heard outside the house. Mom's Friend's
house, and nearly all the others too, were far enough away from neighbors so
that complaints were unlikely. You can imagine, though, that a girl's body
pressing for an hour or more against her date's naked penis kind of assured
that the two of them would be really ready for lovemaking, and a lot of
semen would be ejaculated. She had to be ready for that. The lovemaking
would involve a lot of showing off, too: different positions, different
techniques. You could really learn something about different ways to
stimulate the girl's clitoris if you paid attention. Some things, I
discovered, don't come naturally and are best learned by example. As far as
I was concerned, it all depended what I felt like, but usually I insisted on
mutual oral sex at these times. I wanted to boys to see my delicate parts, I
wanted to see my boy's penis; and if I was on top I could more or less
control the pace of his progress to orgasm. When he came, I could savor his
semen, turn on my back, and if I still hadn't climaxed he could finish me
that way, with anybody looking on who cared to. Suffice to say, I was quite
in demand. But we had one absolute rule: you stayed with the partner you
started the evening with. Parents were supposed to stay away, because we
found that parents didn't like our music and would criticize it, not because
we didn't want to be seen. A few would peek; especially fathers of kids
without driver's licenses who chose to stay around, maybe to try their luck
with one of the unattached mothers of our girls... It certainly must have
been sensuous to see youngsters dancing and having sex and enjoying
themselves. It was not that it would be titillating for a dad to see his
daughter and the other girls cavorting and having sex; it was for them,
rather, beautiful, inspiring, refreshing. For a dad and a mom to hold each
other close while their offspring practiced what I would call the art of
continuity -- the body function essential to making new life -- is an
endearing image. I have in my mind's eye the image of a father standing
beside his wife, their daughter at orgasm, the father's one hand clasped
over the mother's breasts, the other at her vulva, his taut penis tight
against her rear. This is love of family. A minute later those parents would
be kissing, a minute after that they would follow their daughter into
ecstasy. Their daughter would have confirmation that what she herself had
done was right and lovely, and that she had her parents' approval. What more
could any child or any parent ask?

When there was a girl on her first sex date, of course everybody would be
happy for her, and it was especially right for parents to look on, to
encourage, to love, to see that everything went well, to assure that the boy
was kind to her, that his penis slipped into her in a way that gave her joy
and paid her respect. For those who consider this incredible and argue that
it is contrary to human nature, I just have to say that's the way it was.
People do like to see youngsters romping in the nude, and they do like to
watch them at sex, especially when it's their own offspring. There is, after
all, nothing particularly inspiring about a virginal spinster and there is
everything lovely about a penis making its move to enter a dilated, eager
vagina, whether for the first time ever or on a repeat visit.

So much for parentally-supervised defloration. These are not the stories of
girls and boys who are new to sex, suddenly confronted on their wedding
night with something never before seen. Well, in 20th-21st Century America
that wildly unlikely, but you know what I mean. Nights of Defloration in
Arab countries aren't this way. Here, a boy or a girl has been raised to
appreciate sex as a wonder and a delight, and knows that the minute her or
his body changes, then big penis can go in big vagina and all will be well.
As soon as physically able, such a kid will normally (not invariably, but
almost always) know it, and want to do it.

These have been just a few examples of the parent guiding the child through
his or her rite of passage to maturity, not dissimilar to that Night of
Defloration of Islamic custom.
http://www.renebooks.com/samplechap.php3?ebookid=13076
To have one's hymen broken is to be received into membership of that secret
society of adult congregants, ambition of every normal girl. And in our
particular communes and homes where adults and children are naked much of
the time, the child would have been conscious of her approaching need and
urge for sex for quite some time. All would have noticed a girl's first
pubic hairs, her first breast buds. From the day her transformation was
recognized she would have been seen in a different light. The boy with his
penis in another girl's mouth would have subconsciously beckoned her with
the blink of an eye; the girl lying back to take penis in vagina would have
sent her a subliminal message: you are next. That year or more of transition
is culminated in her voluntary application for membership as believer, as
congregant, and her glad acceptance by a loving group. Note that this
assimilation of sex as religion, or more correctly as parody of religion,
can go further: the virginal girl approaches the Trinity of testicles and
penis; the penis rises for her, she take its smooth round head into her
mouth and receives communion, swallowing the Body and the Blood. And there's
more: when Jeremiah and his sister Priscilla presented themselves for
defloration, Pops recited a sermon to the assembled congregation.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/40026
Was this a parody of the American jeremiad? (a stylized Protestant sermon)

And how do we approach the boy, who goes from little boy with the small
boy's smooth penis to man, with his Trinity of vessels cloaked in a robe of
pubic hair, with which he offers Holy Communion to his bride? With the
laying on of hands, he becomes the new priest, his girl his communicant,
receiving holiness from and through him. It is not penis worship, but penis
as carrier of the Word as of the Body and Blood. We don't have all the
answers to this mystery of life, so important to those who have raised
Orgasm and ejaculation to the level of holy communion. Therefore, we have
created a myth and a theology to explain it. To perpetuate our cultural
tradition, to instill it in our young.

Well, I hadn't wanted to get into this type of philosophical justification
for that discreet (and discrete) subculture, extreme remnant of the 60s
religious/sexual commune movement. But there you have it. I have written
that I do not believe this lifestyle can continue except perhaps on the far
fringes of society, and with its demise will go this "theology". The 60s
communes are gone, or else they are approaching the status of retirement
colonies. There is more awareness of cults, of children's rights, there are
new laws and new definitions and new enforcement relating to perceived child
abuse. My essays concern (with one exception) incidents of long ago, the
participants now adult and able to ratify their past. While we may talk with
regret of the end of that era, and we may even dream of reviving or
preserving it in Reformed fashion, the lure of 80s and 90s prosperity and
the new 21st Century religion of Property and Acquisition of Things makes
that unlikely.

There you have it. If you have understood, or not, you may care to comment.

Love,
Carol

 

 

 

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