Message-ID: <40938asstr$1045609802@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Message-ID: <20030218191512.31172.qmail@nym.alias.net> From: Crimson Dragon X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 18 Feb 2003 19:15:12 -0000 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #019 - 18-Feb-2003 Date: Tue, 18 Feb 2003 18:10:02 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, newsman -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- "Everything about you is so F.I.N.E. fine ..." +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the wind. - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson Review Archives: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www +----------------------------------------------------------------------- If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that tickles you. Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/ +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Story Summary: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Fugue -- anais ninja (MF mast rom) [10,10,10,10] Mrs. Steven Rudy -- Dryad (flash) [9,9,10,10] An Angel -- Patience Bryce (MF public) [5,6,3,3] Jacob, I Have Loved -- Molly Coddle (M/F, anal, rom, light dom) [9,9,8,8] The Taste of You -- Bluepen (Poems) [10,10,n/a,10] ROCOCO CLUB -- Spiller (Fm/Ff) [7,9,4,5] Valentine Visit -- Ray1031 (MF, Rom, Cons?) [10,9,8,9] Chocolate Covered Cherries: A Valentine Story -- Desdmona (MF cheat anal) [10,10,10,10] The Case of the Chocolate Covered Cherries -- Souvie (no sex, humor, flash fic) [10,Who Cares?,10,10] Reviews: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Fugue -- anais ninja (MF mast rom) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40792 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/www/ He's three thousand miles from her, away on a business trip. She understands, though she misses him terribly. Sipping at her Chardonnay, her hands begin to wander. She's three thousand miles from him, left home while he must face dreary business meetings. He misses her terribly. Sipping at his scotch from the mini-bar, his hands begin to wander. It isn't a simple thing to maintain the beautiful symmetry that anais has attempted here. Well, not and prevent it from sounding like a story told twice. Anais somehow holds this together, showing us two lives forced apart. But still somehow together. Tickled the romantic in me. Very nicely done, anais. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Mrs. Steven Rudy -- Dryad (flash) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/mrsrudy.html http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40832 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/ She's driving when the song makes its appearance on the radio. She sits in stunned silence, as she realises its messages and impact upon her life. Her husband is off somewhere, Mexico, Florida, St. Maarten, who knows ... with his short skirted assistant. [ {But she never thought led anywhere.} She smiled wistfully. ] Not sure what that sentence is supposed to be. Maybe a dropped 'it'? So, then, what exactly is Mrs. Stephen Rudy going to do? You'll have to read this story to find out. Technical : 9 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- An Angel -- Patience Bryce (MF public) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40760 Our protagonist is surreptitiously checking out the ladies at a local pool. There is a wide variety of girls around, all scantily clad in bikinis and one-piece swimsuits. But one girl catches his eye, tantalisingly hidden in the deep end of the pool. Her eyes, her hair, though, capture his attention. When she asks him to help her adjust her top, he, of course, obliges. Then off to the deep end they go, to have an illicit semi-public coupling before the pool lights brighten the world. [ women in their various swimsuits. Some of the women {of course} were more attractive to his eyes {then} others. What a variety, young slender women in their teeny bright colored {bikini's}, older ... ] "of course" is a parenthetical expression here, and should probably be offset by commas. "then" might be better as "than", considering that they don't mean the same thing. If this were a one time error, I would assume it was a simple typo. But alas, it permeates the text. "bikini's" ... um, what are they possessing? And all this in the first paragraph. Sigh. [ ... check out every female there, front and back. He was always trying to find that {one special one} to especially keep track of, and maybe even ... ] Department of Redundancy Department. [ ... The sun had been making its decent from the sky, but ... ] "decent" is an adjective, right? I believe "descent" is more the noun that was desired here. They don't mean the same thing. Patience describes the dialogue, what little there is, in the text of the story. If the characters are talking, show us with quotes. It's far more effective than: She said that she thought she liked him. He said the same thing back. Overall, the characters are shallow, and the plot and consistency nearly non-existent. It works as a descriptive fantasy, and I'm pretty sure that's what Patience was trying for here. More for the stroke folks that like the idea of sex underwater where the participants might get caught. But that's really all there is to the story. Technical : 5 Eros : 6 Character/Plot : 3 Crimson : 3 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Jacob, I Have Loved -- Molly Coddle (M/F, anal, rom, light dom) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40833 Jacob leads Zoe into the bedroom where he sits her down. Slowly, he plays with her, caressing, and preparing her for the anal sex yet to come. Now, according to the preface, this is the first story that Molly has shared with us. And it is a remarkably well written tale technically. There were a few issues, mostly in formatting: [ and then he let go of my body and sat down on the bed next {tome}. ] The story isn't particularly deep -- this is a description of a sexual encounter, and not much more than that. Now, having said that, what makes the story unusual is that we do get deeply into Zoe's head. I did like the anticipation, and the tension that Molly presented here. That gives the story an edge over most stroke stories, even while I would have liked to know the characters a little better or to understand her tension, or desire for it, in a depth beyond sexual activity. But such things come from experience, and since this is a first story, I think it is exceptionally well written. Now, as most of you know, I'm not a huge anal sex fiction fan. I can take it or leave it. Hmmm. I can see the perverts already making connections. The story, people. Concentrate. Despite this, I really did like the story far more than I expected to. Molly is very good at sexual description (but honestly, did Jacob have to say "Daddy" in third person quite so much ...), without falling too far into over-description. And the glimpses inside Molly's heroine's head were very much appreciated and helped hold the piece together. Nicely done, Molly. I look forward to reading your next piece. Technical : 9 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 7 Crimson : 8 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Taste of You -- Bluepen (Poem) (and Longing (Poem)) Poems: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40788 http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40786 Other works: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=bluepen43%40yahoo.com&index=email&submit=Search I don't normally review poems. How many times have I said that? I suppose reviewing pushes me to into different genres, and for that, I am happy. These two poems, in a collection recently posted from Bluepen, were an unexpected surprise. Full of emotion, and imagery, and passion -- I really enjoyed them. I particularly liked "The Taste of You", but "Longing" was expressive as well. Bluepen has a knack for poetry. Enjoy. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : n/a Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- ROCOCO CLUB -- Spiller (Fm/Ff) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40843 Other works: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=spiller48%40hotmail.com&index=email&submit=Search In an old mansion, twelve ladies sit, dressed up in the costumes of 1725, complete with corsets, wigs, and long flowing dresses. Young waitresses serve them, while period music serenades them from a modern CD player. This semi-annual gathering of the women is marked by surprises under the table. This year, Sabrina has included extra surprises -- young girls and boys and even King, the dog. But decorum holds the day, and each woman around the table mustn't express her pleasures vocally upon pain of forfeit. At its core, this is an elaborate stroke story. There isn't much to it beyond the obvious appeals of voyeurism, illicit pleasure, control, and sex. The plot only revolves around the need to display a particular facet of the fantasy. None of the subplot lines develop beyond what is necessary to show the next woman enjoying a tongue under the table. We do get some depth of character in some of the subplots, but overall, they are quickly abandoned in favour of sex, sex, and more sex. They are simply twelve women there to get serviced by underage participants (and a dog) out of sight beneath a table. I will say that the fantasy is reasonably well described, though. If the notion of 16-17 year old participants servicing older women is going to squick you, this may not be the story for you. [ Hundreds of candles {were flickering} in the three huge chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and on the enormous table {lots} of candelabras shed their light on a beautifully laid out dinner table, and on the 12 women of ... ] Why use the passive tense for "were flickering"? We'd get a more immediate sense of the story by replacing it with: "flickered". I don't know about you, but the descriptive magic of the above sentence is completely lost when the adjective 'lots' is used. Seriously, there must be a better manner to express the concept of 'many'. While I haven't reproduced the entire "sentence" above, it seems to be lengthy. I'm not sure if it was a run-on sentence, but I did notice other examples of run-on in many places in the text. Simply break the sentence. Too many 'ands' make it difficult to read. Overall, there are a number of technical issues beyond what I mentioned above, though in many instances the descriptive skill of the author peeks through. It's a reasonable stroke story, but loses it in plot and character. Sex under a table is not enough to make a "story". Technical : 7 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 4 Crimson : 5 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Valentine Visit -- Ray1031 (MF, Rom, Cons?) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40874 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ray1031/www/ He sneaks into her bedroom and hides. When she appears, fresh from her shower, he approaches and kisses the back of her neck. Then together, they finish. But after it all, before she really understands what is going on, he's gone, like a puff of breeze. This isn't really a story, but more of a scene, meant to provide an image to the reader, not necessarily with any real depth. It evokes the emotions that were meant, and it works well for what it is. Nicely done. Technical : 10 Eros : 9 Character/Plot : 8 Crimson : 9 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Chocolate Covered Cherries: A Valentine Story -- Desdmona (MF cheat anal) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40816 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Desdmona/www/ As I understand it, Desdmona wrote two versions of this story. One from first person perspective, the other third. I read the first person account. You'll have to look around for the third person account, if you are interested, but it's probably on her website somewhere, or posted to ASSM recently. First of all, I should mention that I am generally not a fan of anal nor cheating stories. What the heck am I doing reading and, God forbid, reviewing this, then? Read on. You see, our narrator moves through life, facing the same disappointments that we all do. Stolen boyfriends, torpedoed plans. Emotional upsets. Our narrator faces them better than most, from the loss of Ritson Smart in sixth grade, to the loss of Woody Hall in high school, both to the same girl. And in University, she doesn't even have a date for Valentine's day. Well, except maybe, for Alex. Desdmona has a talent. Despite everything, and all my desires not to like this story, I couldn't help it. I fell into her characters, and her story, with no hope of putting it down, or not finishing it. I felt everything I was supposed to, from the disappointments, to the caring, to the final sex scenes. This is *not* a typical cheating anal story. Did I mention that I don't like cheating anal stories? And I suspect, that if anyone else had written it, I still wouldn't. Now, I have absolutely no idea how the third person version holds up, but I can definitely say that I loved the first person version. I felt like I was there, living and breathing with the narrator. It's deep. It's meaningful. It's sexy. I cared about the characters. And that's how I like my stories. Thank you, Des. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Case of the Chocolate Covered Cherries -- Souvie (no sex, humor, flash fic) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www/cherries.html http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40875 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www Why do I do this to myself? Given that I'd just finished up with Desdmona's story about Chocolate Covered Cherries, I was expecting some kind of intertwined commentary from Souvie. But no. Souvie just *had* to toy with me, didn't she? Instead of getting a deep, insightful interleaved story, what do I get? A reporter at the scene of the crime. You see, our intrepid reporter is doing her job, and bothering the detective in charge of examining the victim -- a man killed by chocolate covered cherries. Why is he there? In what universe is murder committed by chocolate covered cherries???? In Souvie's universe of course. Seriously. I'm still grinning like a fool, and giggling. The headlines, Souvie, nearly killed me. Absolutely loved it. You will too. Technical : 10 Eros : Who Cares? Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3ia Charset: noconv iQEVAwUBPlKB2UxM3srBk85hAQFKKAgAqod4WwgEGMKhYmK7ewJP2YJ/9s7Kz3PI WjyJm9sTYQIZQ1a2vaWlRvqEAXOdbJMGbY06PxIgGkx295iB47Xkn5paf/oiWoeY 2k74KIMLrCkMcoCl5JvaWHfwAfhO7TnbuDPzqE7nYAGdQg4r4ZwfecDRL8JI7sd9 xHQ2Id/R5tlHIFLeWR96uxocz2YYlyb3/klQ0mjbyQOCdPmUuSI2IbrlGgmEYSZX tz5nj4vLcyyDkv3L6I320JIvNsuV303vjqbI43s042WMJsIA7QmSqHZC2+mDJ4y2 hwS7Dk2FRKR1NGJqelOzr40up3CZtrGJDoo9yL2wlNNsW0P6lTijWg== =V3mC -----END PGP SIGNATURE----- -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at Hosted by | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+