Message-ID: <40665asstr$1044058206@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Message-ID: <20030131194557.29963.qmail@nym.alias.net> From: Crimson Dragon X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 31 Jan 2003 19:45:57 -0000 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #017 - 31-Jan-2003 Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2003 19:10:06 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, gill-bates -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- The stories for this review were overall rather exceptional. Some of them are still haunting me. Thanks for the stories, - Crimson +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the wind. - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson Review Archives: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www +----------------------------------------------------------------------- If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that tickles you. Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/ +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Story Summary: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Her Thoughts of Me -- Vickie Tern (Romance, Femdom, Bondage) [10,10,10,10] Of Things No Longer There -- johndear (love story) [10,10,10,10] Do It -- Esmonde Catlett (MF odd-perspective) [10,10,10,10] Deep Breath -- Desdmona (MF) [10,10,10,10] Discovering Rachel -- Mandil (m/f, first) [4,7,7,6] Happy Birthday, Madison! -- Kelly Adams (FF) [10,10,9,10] Re: Proof Reading Sex Stories -- Mat Twassel {MF, FF, writing) [10,10,10,10] Reviews: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Her Thoughts of Me -- Vickie Tern (Romance, Femdom, Bondage) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40426 Other works: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=Vickie+Tern&index=name&submit=Search In a lonely hotel room, Dana watches Gwen as she sits silently in a high chair, sipping tea and staring out into the world. When she realises that Dana is awake, she smiles. "I'm leaving," she says. Why she's leaving, and what will happen to Dana is for you to discover by reading this excellent story. Now, I must confess that I am *not* a fan of femdom stories. I'm still not. But that is the *only* reason that I even considered giving this story a Crimson: 9 below. But, if I'm honest with myself, I truly liked this story, to the point where I wouldn't change a thing within. My prejudices aside, I couldn't in all conscience give this story anything less than the 10 it deserves. It is clearly written, the characters are wonderfully, wonderfully drawn, and the story is compelling. I can't say I identified with the situation, but somehow ... somehow ... I could. Vickie made me care, even when I don't particularly care for the genre. Now that, on its own, is an accomplishment. I picked up this story because I wanted to review something by Vickie. It helps that it was written for Mat's challenge, and even though I haven't seen the picture in question, yet, I still feel like I understand the essence of what it must be. Anyway, I picked up the story, mostly because I wanted to see how Vickie wrote, and I'm very glad I did. You should pick it up as well. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Of Things No Longer There -- johndear (love story) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/johndear/notthere.txt http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40541 Author's Archive: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/johndear/ Patrick Worthy, former school teacher, devoted father, and lonely man, meets Connie, a former student of his, near the otters. Mona, his teenage daughter, reflects on their life together since her mother left, how she was raised, and how much she loves her father. All in all, Mona figures out what life is all about, and interjects herself into the conversation. I really, really liked this story, though I did find it a little disjointed. John is following a stream of consciousness approach, and the style fits nicely into the point of view of the narrative. There isn't any sex here, beyond some innuendo, but neither should there be. It still has plenty of Eros. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Do It -- Esmonde Catlett (MF odd-perspective) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40524 Little Tina sits on the porch of her new home, staring out at the world beyond. Gray rain falls from a gray sky onto a gray street filled with gray houses. Boring ... Now, why is Little Tina sitting out by herself in the rain, and what is the solution to the overbearing boredom? You'll have to read this wonderful flash piece to find out. Loved it. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep Breath -- Desdmona (MF) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40505 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Desdmona/www/ Gigi stands outside the Quiet Village, not wanting to enter. Her mother lies wasting away inside, a product of bitterness and heavy addiction. After a while, Gigi forces herself inside to visit, afraid about what she must seek within. This is not a happy story, but yet it holds out hope. Desdmona warns us in the preface that the story might be disturbing to some -- especially with the explicit descriptions of the dangers of a lifetime of smoking. It isn't a glamorous picture, and yet, it is frighteningly realistic. [ {On the ride up in the elevator I} thought how things might have been different if my father hadn't skipped town with a girl half his age--an aerobics ] Needs a comma on the lengthy adverbial introduction, I think. Overall, though, very well written, and easily readable. A warning perhaps, and yet, there is hope between the deep breaths. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Discovering Rachel -- Mandil (m/f, first) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/mandil/www/Discovering_Rachel.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40529 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/mandil/www/ Johnny is a shy eighteen year old living in a small town. Believe it or not, Johnny has never kissed a girl. One day, some of his friends point out Rachel at school, remarking that her older sister is easy, and, well, both girls come from the same litter. It would follow, wouldn't it, that Rachel might be willing to go a little further than average? After school concludes for the summer, and Johnny won't be as embarrassed by taking Rachel on a date because his friends won't know, he works up the courage to ask her out. And Rachel, surprise, surprise, says yes. This is a rather sweet story about first loves and the wonder that can come from experiencing love for the first time. I was a little turned off by the approach of the story, though. Mandil speaks from first person perspective, and relates the story of how the narrator approaches Rachel merely to get experience before college. I'm quite sure that Mandil is speaking factually about selfishness, and his portrayal is probably quite accurate for a typical eighteen year old male. Where I think the story fell down was that Mandil failed to really remark upon the ethical outlook that accompanied the relationship -- there was no feeling that this eighteen year old out to use Rachel only for sex initially is right, or wrong. Merely indifferent. That's simply the way it was. Sure it worked out in the end, but I was left with the unpleasant feeling that Mandil's message was: "If it all works out in the end, then it doesn't really matter what the intentions of the boy were." I'm not sure that Mandil was intending this, but it is possible that I'm reading too much into the story. Nevertheless, it is Mandil's job as the author to ensure that I *don't* get that impression if that's not what he was intending and that's where I feel the story could have been improved. [ I was eighteen and unbelievable as it may seem, I had never kissed a girl {yet}, and it goes to say also that I had never experienced sex. ] Using the word 'yet' here is tantamount to mixing tense. [ You see I was then and I am still a very shy type of guy{,} for me flirting with a girl goes completely against my nature. ] Splice. Needs to be a semi-colon, or two separate sentences. A comma might be nice after the word 'me'. [ {Beside} who was I to judge her boobs; I had never {touch} a tit {yet} in my life. ] Errr, do I even need to comment? Honestly, from a technical standpoint, I can't say that this story was written lucidly. Mandil needs to watch verb tense, and find some variety in contractions. Because there were very few contractions in the text, it gave the story a very formal and stilted feel, especially in the dialogue. Overall, though, I did like the honesty in the piece, and the obvious expression of joy that accompanied the narrator's discovery of Rachel. First loves can be wonderful experiences, n'est pas? Technical : 4 Eros : 7 Character/Plot : 7 Crimson : 6 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Happy Birthday, Madison! -- Kelly Adams (FF) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly/www/madison.txt http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40537 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly/www/ It's Madison's birthday, and Bridget arrives to wish her well. Madison and Bridget have been dating for a few months, so Bridget gives Madison a nice necklace, plus a particularly special and *personal* gift that isn't exactly wrapped, though it does need unwrapping. This is a fun story. Kelly has a knack for describing female-female sex that I like. I can't really explain it. I'm usually not one for heavy sexual description, but while this is almost certainly more stroke than not, there is a story there and the characters are likeable. I particularly enjoyed the end. The situation was ... entertaining, and Kelly left me wondering just what was going to happen. Kelly writes as she would like to read, and it works. Kelly, you have a knack for this stuff. A few quibbles about the dialogue, but that's probably my personal preferences. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 9 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Re: Proof Reading Sex Stories -- Mat Twassel {MF, FF, writing) Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/twassel/www/Proof.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40603 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/twassel/www/ Editorial Note: Mat didn't code this story, nor is he required to. Story codes are only approximate, as generated by a half-asleep Dragon. Sometimes there comes along a piece of writing that takes your breath away. Given the title, I probably wouldn't have picked it up but for the suggestion of a good friend. If I hadn't picked it up, I would have missed out on one of the best stories that I've ever read, here or otherwise. Adam meets Laura in a Philosophy class. Over time, Laura and Adam discover each other, meeting as friends over cocoa after class. But Adam claims to be a sex-story writer. Is he? Should he be? We follow Adam as he falls in love with Laura, as any of us might, and Mat's talent as a writer puts us right there with Adam and Laura, experiencing, feeling and loving. The characters and the settings are real enough to touch -- or kiss. Now, I wasn't involved in ASSM/D when this first appeared back in January of '97, much is the shame, but I do understand why this story was rated as highly as it was by Celeste. If you read nothing else around here, read this. It is absolutely everything that erotica should be. Thank you, Mat, for sharing this with us. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3ia Charset: noconv iQEVAwUBPjrR90xM3srBk85hAQEI2QgAklmXi466CYk/HKvQ5NkfzXIIJKEJ1LJF 050zoM9pFmYhTc/GFGYQHyWUgizxELSE4Oo0Nwlmp8kEfhZfFuXqkUBhxr0lqXCV JLDffYGjlNL+7NDx553aFXJh/ybFtP6xeR/CgotX/3EeckqlpoBKwWRyFKbgquaj kilHumxm+uJD7ID4Dnd4nhK1R1B1Mi08vHeSrU7hILxFYCnFjeDcGRauk1xp/VOe 5iT1OkxzdJ6rPywnpCv8cWCBbruBLNtFke7fklIE+e48bilyyGab8DYLU1+Y2xWA l/F6yjXEIJTH8kjQzjDKserMFdqpIdfRhrd5mRt9EUw6doRJaz+AlA== =aVrR -----END PGP SIGNATURE----- -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at Hosted by | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+