Message-ID: <40559asstr$1043277002@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Message-ID: <20030122205544.19669.qmail@nym.alias.net> From: Crimson Dragon X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 22 Jan 2003 20:55:44 -0000 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #016 - 22-Jan-2003 Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 18:10:02 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: gill-bates, newsman -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Well, this week Rui Jorge agreed to continue in the capacity of official link provider. You can thank him for providing the excellent web/ftp links that you find in here for your viewing convenience. It takes a fair bit of effort to track down accurate story links and methods to access other works by the reviewed author. I should know because I simply don't have time to do it. Thanks, Rui. +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the wind. - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson Review Archives: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Story Summary: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Faithful Companion -- Leowulf (M/Fembot, oral, rom) [9,8,9,7] Again? -- Allison George and Homer Vargas (MF) [8,6,8,6] Fugitive Woman -- Varangian (MF oral violence) [10,10,10,9] The Prattingville Pussy Posse -- Kelly Adams (ff+, lt bond) [9,10,9,10] Nine Minutes -- Terri Madison (MF, flash) [10,10,10,10] Camping (with Cheri) -- Ginny Walker (FF 1st Trib) [8,10,10,9] Walking the Dog Chapters 1-4 -- smilodon (M/F, cons) [10,10,10,10] Reviews: +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Faithful Companion -- Leowulf (M/Fembot, oral, rom) Story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40412 Other works: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=Leowulf&index=name!(Cmit=Search Tenny arrives home after a difficult day. An empty, lonely house greets him as he settles into his favourite chair. Jenny appears, a gorgeous robot, programmed to understand and respond to his every need. And respond, she does. Given the premise of the story, Leo does an admirable job of providing character to both Tenny and Jenny (ooh, that's cute, they rhyme, I just noticed that). And given its short length, (the story people ... focus), Leo introduces us to the issues that might surround such a strange relationship. This story is more than simply fucking a machine. Does a robot feel? How can one love something other than human? I'm not sure if it was the brevity of the story or not, but I didn't leave the story quite satisfied. I have to admit that I didn't understand Tenny's treatment of Jenny, especially in the beginning. In the early part of the story, Jenny is quite submissive, and Tenny calls her 'bitch'. I'm sure it was a stab at sexual power play, but when Leo failed to integrate it into the story line, he lost my sympathy for Tenny. He seemed only callous and shallow. Such behaviour without reason seems unnecessary, even with a robot. Worse, it made Jenny seems even less human -- perhaps the point? Don't get me wrong, power play is not foreign to me -- I simply couldn't connect with this stab at it. You might. Overall, quite readable, and enjoyable for what it was. I suppose I simply can't relate to the situation presented here, and find it difficult to suspend my disbelief about the emotions that were supposed to be present. But then again, loving a robot, and vice versa, can't be the easiest subject to present. Kudos for the attempt. Technical : 9 Eros : 8 Character/Plot : 9 Crimson : 7 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Again? -- Allison George and Homer Vargas (MF) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40484 Homer's site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Vargas/www/ Allison's other works: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=allison_george%40hotmail.com&index=email&submit=Search Allison and LW are a couple. Allison is a brilliant physicist, while LW used to be a high school football star, and now makes a living at "Rooters", the local male strip club. Allison and LW are hopelessly in love, and have been for a long time. A warning. Not to get into yet another silly story code war, but while the story codes above are probably correct as they stand, I personally think they were rather light. If it were up to me, I would have added: 'FF slut preg multiple orgy humour' along with the MF codes. MF is simply not enough to cover the contents of this story, IMHO. Now, I don't know if this was supposed to be a humorous piece, or whether it was meant as more of a stroke story. While I found myself shaking my head and smiling at some of the absurdity within, I couldn't help but wonder what the point of it all was. The character's dual nature, I think, was meant to be funny. The brilliant female scientist that hasn't a clue about sex and birth control, but can solve eleventh dimensional integrals. The former football star/stripper that craves sex, and yet is content to wait for the virgin with a big set of hooters. I think the authors were trying for a humour element in that, but I simply found the characters unbelievable, and as such I couldn't really connect with the story. It simply wasn't consistent enough for my tastes. I wonder at the lack of acknowledgement of deceit. Both characters get up to some questionable shenanigans, and yet the authors appear to glorify the behaviour, treat it as routine, and acceptable assuming that we, as readers, simply agree with the acceptability that portrayed. I suspect that this only reflects sexual fantasy, and that's fair enough, but it does contribute to a sense of shallowness that I felt throughout the story. Fine for stroke, but the characters *could* have been so much more than they were: "I fucked a roomful of men last weekend, honey! And a woman. Yum." "Wonderful. I couldn't be happier, Allison. Let's fuck some more! Telling me that got me soooo hot again." You get the picture. If characters were going to be that shallow when it matters, why give them a history at all, or anything more than 44D hooters? The potential depth of them both is ruined by simplistic libido. Now, having said that, my view is hardly an important one. When one is looking for pure sexual fantasy, depth of character may be a detriment, and so, perhaps Allison and Homer recognise that and this story may appeal to most, more than it does to me. [ She always came to the games to cheer for him, {though even} if she could never seem quite to get the hang of the rules. ] I think that there needs to be a comma between the marked words, but the structure of the sentence is simply awkward. [ "Oh, darling, {that's most} wonderful news that I've had since you said yes to marrying me." ] Missing article? [ "... Of course, I said that way it takes care of all those pesky little spermies {were} they were weak from swimming. Never mind he said, you're ... " ] "when"? Sentence structure could probably use a few commas to make it readable ... Overall, a fun story, but not a particularly deep one. But then, I have this nagging suspicion that this is exactly what Allison and Homer were aiming to do. Technical : 8 Eros : 6 Character/Plot : 8 Crimson : 6 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Fugitive Woman -- Varangian (MF oral violence) The story: http://www.kellistry.com/varang/fugwom05.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40433 Author's Site: http://www.kellistry.com/varang/varindex.htm Fred is a 65-year-old widower, whose largest ambition in life is to roam the country, leaving fate to decide his journey. As he's heading down the on-ramp, he spies a rather frightened, and nervous thirty-ish woman, thumb outstretched. Fred shrugs, pulls over, and meets Minnie, a fugitive of sorts. Together, they roam, and grow together. Truthfully, after a few paragraphs, I was expecting a typical generational sex story. Old guy picks up gorgeous younger hitchhiker who offers her body in a cheap motel room for payment for her ride. I couldn't have been more wrong. Both Fred and Minnie have their problems, and they are delightfully human. Varangian spins a good tale here, as well as providing a touch of sex. The characters grow together, and while I can't say that I liked where they ended up exactly, it was realistic. Sometimes life is like that. [... old man who demanded nothing of her, at least so far. She could not imagine he {would keep hands off} after they were in bed together, and she was prepared for anything. ... ] Missed a 'his'? Or maybe not. Could simply be the style of the piece. Technically, though, this story is very readable. Clear, concise and expressive. Certainly worth a look. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 9 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Prattingville Pussy Posse -- Kelly Adams (ff+, lt bond) The Story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly/www/ppp1.txt http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40416 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Kelly/www/ Prattingville has its cliques like every small town does. We join Erica's initiation into a particularly ... sexy ... high school club. You see, the babes of Prattingville (where did that name come from?) band together and form an exclusively female club where its members have sex, sex, and more sex. Carol has sponsored Erica, and one might guess what Erica must do to convince the existing members that she's worthy of joining. Don't sweat the light bondage in the story codes. Sure, the initiation involves some bondage, but it is harmless, and sexy. (By the way, Kelly ... is the president of our little club Kathryn or Katherine? I really think you need to make a choice ... ) In Kelly's own words: [ It has little socially redeeming qualities--unless of course you consider wall-to-wall lesbian teen sex socially redeeming ;) ] (Yes, sometimes I do read the prefaces ...) And she's right ... there isn't a great deal of socially redeeming plot-lines, or heavy messages. The girls are there for one reason, and one reason only. Despite that, it is clear what Kelly's intent here is. And surprisingly, with the story's heavy reliance on sex, there is character here. I genuinely liked Erica, and Carol, and all the rest of the girls. Kelly is going for fun, fun, and more fun. And maybe I was simply in the mood for reading a light, sexy story, and maybe this is written a lot better than most stroke stories ... either way, Kelly succeeded. Sometimes wall-to-wall lesbian teen sex is socially redeeming. Nobody got hurt. And everyone was happy (including the Dragon). You won't find me recommending many stroke-type stories here. But this one is different, and I can't quite put my claw on why. It's fun. Go read it. Technical : 9 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 9 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Nine Minutes -- Terri Madison (MF, flash) The story: http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40431 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/terrimadison/www http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/terrimadison Editorial Note: Terri didn't code this story, nor is she required to. Story codes are only approximate, as generated by a half-asleep Dragon. I absolutely hate it when the alarm goes off in the mornings. The snooze button is my friend. Nevertheless, what if it wasn't your alarm clock, and you were irretrievably awake? Sweet revenge? This really short vignette reads suspiciously true to life. One has to wonder about the inspiration for it. Excellent image, Terri. I'm still smiling. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Camping (with Cheri) -- Ginny Walker (FF 1st Trib) The story: http://www.geocities.com/wcollege2001/story/camping.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40485 Author's Site: http://www.geocities.com/wcollege2001 This is the first year that our narrator has spent away from her folks. Deep in Florida, our narrator meets Cheri, a girl mysteriously glad to be away from her Colorado family. The two girls are thrust together as roommates, and discover that they make good friends despite their differing interests. Now, our narrator has been hiding her orientation from everyone, including her folks, and friends. The pleasures of the female sex occupy her thoughts and fantasies. So when Cheri invites our narrator to tag along on a Christmas canoe trip, she agrees and the stage is set. [ I wrestled {with to} do - should I invite her to my house? Or should I confront her about what ... ] "what"? [ The river and surrounding vegetation {was} spectacular. ] Gotta be careful with singular/plural tenses. [ Now I was beat red. ] Unless she was playing heavy S&M games ... I suspect Ginny meant "beet". Overall, the story was very readable -- a wonderful first person account of the trepidation of sexual confusion. I liked the settings, the love in the dark was realistic and lovingly told. I would have liked to understand a few of the dangling premises -- Cheri's reluctance to go home for holidays, or why our narrator had never seen her roommate naked before ... even innocently. Just minor consistency and explanatory quibbles. Nothing serious. Expanding some of the subplots might have fleshed out the characters a little more, but honestly, the characters weren't lacking as they were. Human. Real. What else can a Dragon ask? Technical : 8 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 9 +----------------------------------------------------------------------- Walking the Dog Chapters 1-4 -- smilodon (M/F, cons) The story: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/Walking%20the%20Dog.htm http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/40476 Author's Site: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/ Damn it, I swore that I wouldn't review any more multi-part stories. First Bradley Stoke's "Alice" -- then smilodon posts this. Granted, I didn't realise that the story continues past Chapter 4 when I downloaded it, but nevertheless that doesn't give me an excuse for rating it. So much for New Year's resolutions. You see, Martin Booth is a Tax Lawyer. He collects sculptures, and basically flows through life as most of us do. Quiet. Enjoying the simple things in life. When he meets Steph, she completely overwhelms this simple man, thrusting him into a more wild life. And he loves her for it. Of course, all good things must come to an end, and Steph has wandered on her own course, one that doesn't involve our Martin. We join Martin on a cold English beach in Norfolk, returning slowly to his former life, somewhat enjoying the solitude and company of his two dogs, Trotsky and Magic. In the distance, he spies a woman, walking slowly towards him, and so enters Angela. I have to wonder if Martin's life will ever be the same. Who is Angela? And what is going on? Martin doesn't seem to be the James Bond type, does he? Smilodon has created a wonderful beginning to a tale of intrigue and honour and mystery in this, our little erotic haven. I love the style of the story telling, the characters, and the plot so far. I'm honestly dying to read the next instalment. Be warned. As is usual for smilodon, the sex is not central to the story. The story is better because of it, but if you are looking for mindless stroke, this probably isn't for you. If you want a story that carries one along, with real characters, this might be more your league. Smilodon cares about his characters and the plots spinning around them. Martin and Angela are superbly crafted. [ ... in the jaws of the estuary above the liver-coloured flott. A slatternly wind was ruffling the tussocks of coarse grass that grew along the littoral, doing nothing to shift the grey curtain. The air smelt of salt and older, ...] Honestly. I had to look up like four words in this passage. (And just what the heck is a 'flott'???) But I popped this into the review not as a critique ... I do enough of that ... but rather to point out that I'm impressed. While some might complain that the vocabulary might be a little pompous or extended for our audience, I prefer to believe that we all enjoy learning something new. The passage above is exceptionally expressive, and a testament to smiley's ability and talent as a writer. Better, it fits wonderfully into the style and atmosphere of the piece. Well done, smiley. [ ... have lived in two or three cramped rooms. Angela must have seen me coming for {she me met} at the door. "Very punctual," she said, "Please come in." ... ] The more common usage: she met me. Nevertheless, I can't tell if smilodon did this on purpose. Technically, I think it is quite correct, simply a transposed object. There were a few technical issues in the last chapter of this offering, but I'm not going to point them out here. They simply don't detract whatsoever from the enjoyment of this piece. I feel that I've read enough of this story to rate it, despite my resolutions to the contrary -- these four chapters were longer than any of the previous reviewed stories. Keep in mind that the story isn't complete, though, even if the rating is unsurprisingly high. Go read this. And smilodon had better get cracking on releasing the next parts. That's all I have to say. Technical : 10 Eros : 10 Character/Plot : 10 Crimson : 10 -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3ia Charset: noconv iQEVAwUBPi8A40xM3srBk85hAQHuEAf/UVg3AybvHjLp2wxRqG4npw0D6EzI/q88 G3MFg1999BYI00e2WbYXhtU3+JsW7E3wIuiyf4fJuz93trFYJG5Bfb9K9acNTpos 6oeiairZFXQYeBdutkFEcWIPKDkpgeO7wYyGZaHoelaX5esbfWkn0OQTYrb43LV6 Av8By995l6Fbktfe6Yv3gPjiVgesEZ5weadfeU6cqFBvPsj/G9F2EB8vRozXYtA3 6rDZtoqerlm/kYFpyYaiFZbsevrfko8HUkbSEx6yg5Ym1yugJkVHZD7txKIbnqm8 834aNTVphyWx7eero9205PlZu/AG4hbu+aAvnFTudnuZJ4HTbJbGCA== =3j6s -----END PGP SIGNATURE----- -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at Hosted by | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+