Message-ID: <38022asstr$1030482604@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Path: news.supernews.com!not-for-mail From: Peaches and Cream X-Original-Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Tue, 27 Aug 2002 15:07:46 -0400 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews: #26 Date: Tue, 27 Aug 2002 17:10:04 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: newsman, kelly Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5 kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find all the stories we will review. http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest *** Peaches & Cream Reviews: #26 Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. -Joseph Addison Stories to be reviewed: When We're Ready by Krystoff Vagabond Windy City Surprise by SEWG Adventures of Diana and Mike by Mistress Diana ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When We're Ready by Krystoff Vagabond (MF,Romance) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/kvagabond/www/whenready.html *** Peaches: Eric meets Alicia when they are nine years old. A mutual liking of the same TV show helps to forge their relationship. This story progresses through that history to present day. Hits and Misses. There are a couple of surprises along the way, but this story had me rooting for this couple from day one. The story is broken up into scenes from different periods of their growing up, each with just enough detail to define the period and just enough connection to the previous scene, to keep the flow natural. There's easiness to the narrating. The voice of Eric is real at nine and at nineteen. Snippets of his inner thoughts at these different ages really help to build his likability as the story progresses. There are several typos that a spell-checker or a good editor would have caught. It would go a long way in tidying up this nice, very well told story. 4.6 kisses *** Cream: I have mixed feelings about this story. Like you, Peaches, I was rooting for the couple, and so the last section had a built in charge. Probably it takes more than just following the formula to get that reaction. A big plus for making the formula work. The most interesting section for me was the one in the middle at the party when the characters are 19. It's the section with the most sex in it, but it was interesting not just because of the sex, but because there's some essential but elusive something going on--that special edge of what good fiction is all about. Though I enjoyed the early sections, I think maybe they went on a little too long. Why so much emphasis on the characters when they are nine? Why so comparatively little detail at the end? In truth it didn't bother me when I first read the story, but thinking back on it, I feel a little cheated not to get more of their adult connection. Which brings me to the witch stuff. The story starts out: >Alicia McDonald was a witch. Of that at least I was for certain. I've known >for almost twenty years. It had to be witchcraft. There simply >wasn't any other explanation. Even when I first read the story, I didn't feel there was anything really witchlike about Alicia and what was going on. The comparison felt artificial, intrusive, created simply for story-telling purposes and yet not really serving any good story-telling purpose. Though maintained to the story's end, the witch metaphor, if that's what it is, needs to be handled better. Or dropped. 3.75 kisses *** Peaches: Ah! But there is, if you think of witchcraft as magic. Only magic could make a nine-year-old boy like a girl. He's not supposed to like her, after all "Girls are stupid." And only magic could keep bringing a couple back together. Wistful magic...and OK, family ties. But I like magic! *** Peaches: 4.6 kisses Cream: 3.75 kisses -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Windy City Surprise by SEWG (FF,rom) http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/36993 *** Cream: >Robin Quinn was smart, resourceful, thirty-one-years old and in love with her boss. It >was a secret she kept to herself. She wasn't in the same league as Sharon Parker and >didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the job she loved. She knew there weren't many >bosses who'd take their assistants on a week-long business trip to Chicago and the >shopping expedition was an unexpected bonus. As you might suspect, Robin's secret doesn't stay secret too long. Sharon treats her assistant to a glorious night on the town, and then they treat each other to a glorious night in each other's arms. My favorite part is the end when they make plans for breakfast. The main problem with Windy City Surprise is that it's not very surprising. Considering the emotions involved, the journey ends up being rather bland. This story was written by several authors in series, and they do a fair enough job making it seamless, and there are a few vivid trappings, but I feel that the story would have been more exciting had the authors not reined themselves in (fearful perhaps of sending the story astray) and instead let their individual skills and slants tug the characters and the story into a more dramatic fray. One positive consequence: that tentative where-is-this-going-to-go feel--it's very likely what "really would" happen; trouble is it ends up a bit too predictably. Alas, the characters don't have enough rough inner edges to make them interesting. I think we missed a good chance to get six fresh visions of the budding relationship. Instead we have a more or less mainstream style Romance without very much drama or conflict. Two kisses *** Peaches: The authors did a fine job of hiding the transition from one writer to the next, which probably isn't an easy task. But I have to ask myself--was it seamless because there was really very little action? Nobody threw some fire into the mix. My favorite part may just be the dancing in the club. But it was too short! Time line wise, Robin and Sharon walk into the club, Sharon steps away, Robin is involved in one dance--sandwiched cream style, and then they leave. Such a missed opportunity. And there were several others--in the dressing room, in the limo, at the restaurant. I wanted, and half expected a forest fire with six writers, but really ended up with just a little bonfire. Too bad! 2.5 kisses *** Cream: Oh, I liked that dancing, too. And like you, I thought it ended too soon. That was true of most of the plot elements in the story: good ideas not really developed, not meaningful except as "ordinary" events in an extraordinary romantic evening. I wish all the authors had written just about the dance. Maybe doing these serial things in series is a mistake. Do them in parallel. Then see what you've got and merge some of it and overlay some of it and maybe we'd get that blaze! *** Peaches: 2.5 kisses Cream: 2 kisses ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Adventures of Diana and Mike by Mistress Diana (MF, Fdom) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36921 *** Peaches: Diana is a practicing domme with female submissives. She shares her lifestyle with her lover, Mike. The story opens with Diana waiting at a bistro where Mike has asked her to meet him. She begins to worry that he's called her there to confront her about an affair she had while away on a trip that had nothing to do with their shared lifestyle. Guilt, isn't it grand? The title suggests that there are more adventures, but unfortunately we don't get to *see* any of these. We only are told of them. >Yes, Mike was a willing participant in my adventure of dominance. Together we >seduced and fucked many female subs. I never got jealous when he fucked one of the >lovely women that submitted to our will. Maybe there are prequels to this story about these other adventures. Way too much time is spent talking about this affair Diana has had with Six. It really has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. Most of the relationships described in the story stretch the realm of believability. >"Diana, you were right - I did fuck Dawn and her friend when you were away. > I'm sorry...they were just so..." >His voice trailed off and he looked down. I had never, ever seen him like this. >"Sweetie, it's ok, really..." I said, my voice breaking. >My love for him welled up inside me and I felt tears coming to my eyes. >This really had preyed on his mind for a long time, I thought. And it only confirmed >his dedication to our relationship. Maybe when you're guilty of the same thing, forgiveness comes a lot easier. Unfortunately, the only reason Mike is confessing is because he got caught, not because of any dedication to the relationship. But in fairness, he has planned a great gesture to prove he is dedicated to Diana, but you have to read and find out what that is on your own. But mostly, this story just does a lot of telling to get to one scene: the anal and strap on scene that aren't forewarned by any coding. 2 kisses *** Cream: This story didn't do anything for me. I couldn't get interested in the characters and that made it difficult for me to get interested in their situation or in the action. I don't have any great aversion to reading about strap-on sex or the dom/sub scene, but neither do I understand the attractions, so maybe that explains my reaction. Maybe I'd have been more interested in some of those other off-stage adventures--Mike fixing the neighbor's a/c, for example--but I don't think so. 1 kiss. *** Peaches: I'm with you, Cream. Maybe the adventures that aren't in the story would better live up to the title of "Adventure." Looking at the thesaurus under adventure, "exciting activity" comes up. This story has a little ways to go before it can stake that claim. *** Peaches: 2 kisses Cream: 1 kiss -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at Hosted by | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+