Message-ID: <37978asstr$1029967803@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Path: news.supernews.com!not-for-mail From: Peaches and Cream X-Original-Message-ID: <4mm7mukqm79srseqa1ct2s6k998lqoko7l@4ax.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 14:30:36 -0400 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Peaches and Cream Reviews: #20 Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 18:10:03 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: kelly, gill-bates Hi! We're Peaches & Cream. We're just two ordinary Joes who like reading and romance. Recently, there was a Summer Solstice Romance Festival on ASSM, and it caught our attention. We started discussing the stories and our reviews were born. Our format is simple: one of us starts the review, the other chimes in, and then the starter finishes it off. Because this is all about romance, we'll be scoring with 0-5 kisses. We're changing our format to include more than one story per issue. There is a website devoted to the festival where you can find all the stories we will review. http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/RomFest *** Peaches & Cream Reviews: #20 No sooner met but they looked; No sooner looked but they loved; No sooner loved but they sighed; No sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy. - William Shakespeare - Stories to be reviewed: Amerikka: A Fully Automatic Love Story by PleaseCain My Dear John Letter by Jeff Zephyr Moon Ghosts and Memory Boxes by Desdmona Noriko's Demon Installments 5 and 6 by Shalon Wood --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amerikka: A Fully Automatic Love Story by PleaseCain (MF Rom) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36922 *** Cream: >A trio of gunships thunders above the compound in tight formation, >their blazing searchlamps sweeping the land below. >They hug the length of the arroyo and bank out of sight. >Freeman Butler glares from his post, squeezing the cold barrel >of his freedom-enforcer, knuckles white with rage as the >infernal roar dissipates in thin desert night. Here's a tip for you: Freeman is not the guy's first name. It's more like Mister or Comrade or Citizen. (I'm so clueless sometimes!) In this very brief Star Warish romantic melodrama, Butler is defending his position with O'Hara, his superior-an attractive woman. An incoming blast sends them sprawling, Butler covering O'Hara. They fuck. The pleasure of this outlandish spoof is immense; every detail is dead-on; and the ending is hilarious--it feels like Dr. Strangelove squeezed into a five-frame comic strip. 4.9 kisses *** Peaches: It reminds me more of Arnold Schwarzenegger's, The Terminator--Freedom fighters fighting for right against stronger, more powerful foes. But our hero and heroine have *right* on their side. So with only the passion that being close to death can bring, they make love. But as in all good vs. evil stories--it's not just a good fuck--it's also for Freedom. This story defines parody! And you're right, Cream--the only thing that could make this story better would be illustrations. O'Hara busty and blond, and Butler, rugged with bulging muscles. Fire up the paintbrush! 4.8 kisses *** Cream: Right, I can see those illustrations, which is why we don't really need them. Making expert use of the cliche, Amerikka action takes us to the core of sci-fi comics and Saturday morning Superhero shorts and old-fashioned space thrillers and then shoots us through to the other side. The line that really did it for me was this, smack in the middle: "He has seen O'Hara smile only once before, nailing a rabbit at seventy-five yards." As Romance, "Amerikka" may not touch your heart, as Porn it may not get you off, as Thriller it may not make you pee your pants, but if this story doesn't bring you smile after satisfied smile it must be cuz you're dead. *** Peaches: 4.8 kisses Cream: 4.9 kisses ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Dear John Letter by Jeff Zephyr (mf rom cons anal oral, ff, fg. 2nd person) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37080 *** Peaches: A young girl with a reputation writes a single letter to be read by her old boyfriend, her new boyfriend, and her best girlfriend. It's more like a stream of consciousness story. It's a bit hard to follow at times because the girl talks about several other people as well as the three the letter is written to. But I think this confusion adds to the story. The girl wants to be loved. Her letter writing is as confused as her thinking on how to get/be loved. There is hard-core sex involved for those who prefer more sex than story, and there is plot involved for those who prefer more story than sex. I think if there was an attempt made to clean up a little of the confusion, or maybe just have the letter written as a journal entry, instead of a letter to three people, this would be very good. 3.5 kisses *** Cream: Wild and real; the voice of the girl is perfect. So is the jumble: I can picture her getting confused about who the letter is really for or what she's really trying to do with it. Finally, though, the jumble never quite untangles--I was hoping I'd see the narrator recognize something about herself or about the world or about anything, or if not that, that at least I would come to some important realization. But the letter just winds on without much development and without anyone, reader or writer, recognizing much of anything. Maybe that is the story's message. Or maybe I just missed it. Anyway, it was fairly entertaining, partly because confused though she was, the narrator was believable. Writing the letter to the three other principles was a good story-telling stroke--it gives the letter-writer an excuse to mention things at least one of these people would already know. Finally, though, the story is a little long and not quite satisfying. Peaches, a letter like this, until it's actually mailed, is very much like a journal entry. Originality 5 kisses Characterization 5 kisses Sex 4 kisses Story 2 kisses Overall: 4 kisses *** Peaches: I think by making it a journal entry, it would alleviate some of the confusion. The letter starts out being written to John, with the intent of letting Brian and Margy read it. But several paragraphs into the story, she (the letter-writer) speaks directly to Brian. This works because she's young. In fact, it helps to make her appear her age. But it made me stop and have to reread. Twice. If you know you're reading a young girl's journal, then it's easier to understand who is being directly spoken to. I think there is some attempt to show the girl's learned a little about being loved, but as I said, it's a misguided lesson. I agree that the ending lacks the same interesting flair as the bulk of the story. *** Peaches: 3.5 kisses Cream: 4 kisses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Moon Ghosts and Memory Boxes by Desdmona http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36963 *** Cream: This is a very ambitious story, and in many ways it is successful. No question it is romantic. Kate meets Edward, and right away we know (even if they don't) that it's true love for both of them. Edward is a cellist, Kate an ex-gypsy with a history--her mother, Esme, who used young Kate to procure marks and lovers and taught Kate the tricks of the trade. Kate struggles to overcome her mother's teachings: Kate buys a house and tries to make it into a home. Edward moves in, and it seems everything is going to be perfect, but a cellist makes music all over the world, and Edward needs to travel. Now he's gone, and Kate struggles to make sense of herself and her life. That's the outline of the conflict. Perhaps too much of the story is too close to outline. I'd love to have a longer, slower development. It's not that the story skimps on detail or over summarizes or feels rushed; quite the contrary: each scene comes to life with rich images and excellent details. Not rushed, yet the story seems abbreviated, at times fragmented. Three major stresses brush up against the same central core: Kate versus her mother; Kate's need for a home; Kate's love for Edward; and it is only the last of these that gets nearly full enough attention. The dozen sections in the story as it stands now could each easily become a full chapter. Another two dozen chapters lie just under the surface. This could easily expand into a novel and cover no more ground than is covered now. This is a good story, but it could be a great novel. I'd like to see a lot more of these characters and their story. 4.4 kisses. *** Peaches: The beginning of this story had me believing Kate was going to be a bit whiny. But it unfolds nicely and by story's end, I like the characters very much. Kate's memories of Edward range from playful fun to sizzling and sexy. But Kate's memories of her mother are what really give this story its charm. I wanted more of them. So, I agree with you, Cream. We need more. As it is though, it fits the bill for romance in my book. 4.5 kisses *** Cream: I like the characters, too, though I'm not certain about Edward choosing art over romance. Or maybe he's choosing economics over romance. Or maybe he has other motives. Obviously Kate could have used her gypsy wiles to steal his heart as easily as his wallet, but what is the value of romance gained that way? *** Peaches: 4.5 kisses Cream: 4.4 kisses ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Noriko's Demon Installment 5: Family Relations by Shalon Wood (rom, inc, ws, zoo(demon)) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36964 *** Peaches: This is part of a much larger work. Reading the first four installments may help the reader answer a few niggling questions but for the most part, this story stands alone. It starts with the budding incestual relationship between two sisters. The older sister (age unknown) catches the younger sister (age 13) masturbating while reading a tentacled monster dirty comic. This opens up a world of sex to both girls. The younger sister is curious, and the older sister has a secret desire for the younger girl. The author tries to let this relationship unfold in a loving way. Unfortunately, there are flaws. First, the dialogue brings to mind old "Speed Racer" cartoons. Secondly, the 13 yr old girl talks, acts, and fantasizes more like someone twice her age. She's never experienced her first kiss and yet her fantasies revolve around watersports, anal sex, and tentacles. The older sister wants to assure the younger sister's first time is special. >"My first time wasn't very good. I didn't really get a choice. I want to make sure you >enjoy your first time, sis. If you'll trust me, I'll make sure you have a good first time--I >think they [the owners of the demon] are inventive enough that they'll know what to do. >But would you freak out if they actually had a demon with tentacles?" >No, not if it was nice," Kita laughed. Apparently, in the new pop phenomenon of tentacles, demons can be nice. There is some fairly hot sex late in the story between the sisters, but then we add the demon and two other females, and orifices start filling up fast. It's not hard to follow what is going where, thanks to the author's writing skill, but it is hard to believe. My guess is the target audience--those who like incest and those who like tentacles--will be more than pleased with this story. I'd rather watch Speed Racer reruns! 2.75 kisses ********************************** Noriko's Demon Installment 6: Bathroom Games by Shalon Wood (rom, inc) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/36965 *** Peaches: This installment is just further scenes tacked on for no apparent reason. There is no flow for story purposes. It's just two quick bathroom scenes involving the characters from installment # 5. ************************************ Cream: Generally we are in agreement: Little sister wasn't convincing as a 13 year old. Lots of hot sex. Generally well written, but even "accepting" the demon, I never thought this story was real. It reads as a porn fantasy. Some of the scenes went on too long--I definitely got tired of them before they finished; but I also thought the overall "tease" and buildup was nicely handled: we have strong hints of what to expect, but the final rewards remains just out of reach until just the right moment--the climax. Pornographic stories often have puppets for characters, and I'm sure many readers find puppets satisfying enough. These girls are not just puppets, but they are not enough more, not enough for Romance. As porn this chapter succeeds quite well and stands alone. As romance, I think we'd need to see the whole book. Romance through the eyes of this demon might have interested me more. 4 kisses. *** Peaches: If you take out the demon and take out the ages and just make this story about the budding relationship then it suddenly becomes more fulfilling. If I were reading this just as incest between two sisters, I still believe the dialogue misses the mark, but there is a tenderness that can't be denied. *** Peaches: 2.75 kisses Cream: 4 kisses -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d, look for subject {ASSD}| |Archive at Hosted by | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+