Message-ID: <37666asstr$1028477405@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: X-Original-Path: not-for-mail From: thedisciplen@yahoo.com (DiscipleN) X-Original-Message-ID: Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit NNTP-Posting-Date: 3 Aug 2002 23:05:45 GMT X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 3 Aug 2002 16:05:45 -0700 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} 'Came too soon.' RomFest REVIEW by the Split-DiscipleN Date: Sun, 4 Aug 2002 12:10:05 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: gill-bates, newsman WARNING: writing the sour Curmudgeon is a lot more fun than sweet Encourage. So please apply filters against his brow-beating style. Call me Curmudge and Encourage Yesterday I experimented with too many psycho-active food suppliments while reading romance festival submissions. When I came to, I found I had written the following. Romance Festival? Bloody harpy food no doubt! All those gushing, fat, self-styled elven princesses and idealistic nerd twits are pumping their genitals in public again. Don't they realize only hollywood approved formulas and play-gender magazine poster mench and mencha should be allowed on the internet? Don't we have enough laws yet to protect the publishing industry from the actual public's sordid and extemporaneous fantasies? Careful dear, you'll put a new wrinkle in your brow. I think it's rather sweet. Look at all the work these people went to. They must be wonderfully horny and immune from frustration. I don't see our Lord and Master spilling his seed into this mix. Yes... well, he does have his niche. Right. Just look at his first pick. Do the letters mF spell anything familiar? Oh, I'm sure it's a nice story about innocence. It is called: "Knowledge Too Soon" by El Gato It might be about innocence, the writer's innocence at storytelling. What a load of... Dear! I must insist we don't injure anyone. There's a lot of good work here. Fine, you can stimulate the hypothalimus this time. I thought it started slow. It's introduction rambled all over the map when The Cat should have introduced the observer and moved on. It is a 'through the eyes of story' after all. I want to read more about what's seen than wade through descriptions of the guy looking. Throughout the story we learn a lot about him, but not much about the girl. Perhaps I shouldn't assume that a 'through the eyes of...' story should be more about the people and situations observed than the observer. I want to learn about the observer indirectly. Here's an example: (Dee told me a little about herself, as well. She had been a skinny tomboy growing up, but decided to stop brooding over her lack of tits (I blushed furiously when she said this), as she got older. Dee was also proud of her sculptured hips and legs that she got from swimming and dancing. Then came the day I 'graduated' from the NSF course, and the rest of the kids went home. My real education was about to begin, but I just didn't know it.) The writer begins to describe the woman character, physically mostly, and then he jumps right back to talking about the guy. The title warned us it would be slow. The beginning successfully sets up the situation. We know where, when, and enough about the main character to begin imagining what will happen next. The author's techincal prose is commended. Our un-edited comments will look quite amateurish by comparison. So here's this high-schooler taking college classes. Suddenly he bumps into a girl that immediately takes him under her wing and... What is this, Japanese Anime with the genders reversed? You mean Hentai, dear. Some women are like that. They know what they want and take it. Obviously, the writer likes this kind of girl. It's not like the romance festival is earning anyone their groceries. I thought the story of them dancing set up their romance quite nicely. And the woman reinforced her character by explaining she just wanted a summer fling. That's another thing I got tired of, all the explaining. Do you know how hard it is to suspend your disbelief when everything is pointed out. Why couldn't the author let the story explain things in due course? We are told the two lovers were constantly talking, growing closer, but we only hear a smattering of their conversations. I'm sorry, but I had to take too much on faith. Look at the things that did happen. Once their paths became one, I found their banter and sex play to be very warm. It was disciplined and paced just right for a story about exploration. It could have been hotter. Everyone isn't like you. I can imagine a lot of screen-cleaning occured in the aftermath of reading this story. At least she took it up the ass with grace. I like ass fucking. And it ended with a sweet melancholy. This story is competently structured. I was very pleased it didn't harbor the tired stand-by of a mid-story crisis. El Gato can be very proud of his/her efforts. I didn't shed even a drop of sweat from my eye sockets. It was a sappy ending and you know it. 'cried at her wedding' And how the hell did the author decide on the title? We aren't given a shred of evidence that all this new found knowledge troubled him, UNTIL HE TELLS US, 'I wasn't really ready for everything that I learned'. CONCLUSION: I was ready to cum and go. 2 condoms (out of four). (The condom rating system is based upon how many condoms I have to wear to keep me, while reading the story, from cumming before I want to.) 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