Message-ID: <34877asstr$1011604204@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: From: Taintedlime@aol.com X-Original-Message-ID: <15c.71b7a60.297d0335@aol.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 00:37:57 EST Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Tainted Lime Reviews #8 Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 04:10:04 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, gill-bates Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #8 January 20, 2002 Reviews are archived at http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/TaintedLime/www/. --- Stories reviewed in this issue: Crying Out Loud, by theGreatxIam (* * * * *) Birthday Present (Version Two), by Laura Davis (* * * *) Confessions, by Ann Douglas (* * *) Daughters of Destiny, by Anon Sacto (* * *) Taping wife, by hnnyhbby@aol.com (Hnnyhbby) (* * *) --- {ASSM} Silver Surfer #2: Crying Out Loud By theGreatxIam http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34743 Celebrity stories are a genre I almost always skip. While I watch television, I don't watch it seriously, and when it comes to movies, I have a hard time telling the difference between Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock. But you can't live in the United States without knowing more than is good for you about Kathie Lee Gifford. And theGreatxIam doesn't write your standard celebrity story. In this story, we are treated to a male airline attendant who is asked to take over the first class cabin when an unruly passenger insists that she always has trouble with female attendants. The passenger, it turns out, is Kathie Lee Gifford. What follows is a wonderfully funny account of Kathie Lee yammering about herself until she falls into ridiculously self-indulgent despair. The attendant, of course, must comfort the lady in distress, and the two of them become just another tragic Mile-High Club statistic. Now if you are president of the Kathie Lee Fan Club, you may not like the way theGreatxIam pokes fun at your idol, but if you don't mind seeing undeserving celebrities cut down to size, you're going to love this story. Rating: * * * * * --- {ASSM} Birthday Present (Version Two) by Laura Lynn Davis f/f romance By Laura Davis http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34759 This is a rewrite of a story I first reviewed in Issue #2. For those who don't remember, this story is about a rich girl whose daddy wants to buy her something nice for her sixteenth birthday. Not only does the birthday girl get the expensive diamond pendant, but she gets the girl who helped model it, too. Most of the problems I had with the original story have been cleaned up here, and the story is paced more evenly and the ending doesn't feel nearly as rushed as it felt in the original. I think one factual inconsistency was introduced in this rewrite (an uncle turns into a father), but that's a small point. This is now a very nice story. In the future, unless some unforeseen situation comes up, I will avoid reviewing revisions of stories I've already reviewed. It's too hard to look a story with fresh eyes after having read it once before, and I do a disservice to readers by trying. That said, I would encourage readers to take a good look at revised stories in the newsgroup. Most stories, when revised, are even better than before, so it's a good bet that revisions will get you better-than-average writing. Rating: * * * * --- {ASSM} AnnD"Confessions" FF (1/1) By Ann Douglas http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34778 Jiang Li is a recent Taiwanese immigrant who is still under the thumb of her mother; Kathy Wu's family is also from China, although two generations removed, and Kathy is fully Americanized. These two unlikely friends go out for a night on the town, where Kathy confesses to Li that she earned her way through college as an exotic dancer. Li then has a shocking revelation of her own: she has consented to marry the man her mother wants her to marry. This prompts Kathy to pile on yet another revelation: that she loves Li, and she doesn't want Li to marry that man. Readers of ASSM should have a pretty good idea what happens next. The grammar and spelling gets rough on occasion, but that is just a minor annoyance. The bigger problem with this story is there is too much plot crammed into too few words. In order to get the story moving along, there are a lot of sentences that summarize complex emotional situations. In many places, this story reads like a _review_ of someone's life rather than the _story_ of someone's life. The author also appears insecure in her ability to define a character in a reader's mind. Long after I set a mental image of what Li looked like, the story jabbed me with extraneous physical description. The length of her hair is tossed in half way through the story, and the size of her boobs is repeated near the end. There are stretches of this story that are very good, and the sex is wonderful. The plot, too, is compelling and real. Even the characters were well defined. But when the writing style got in the way, the story bogged down. Which is a shame - with a careful cleanup, this could be an extraordinarily good story. Rating: * * * --- Daughters of Destiny By Anon Sacto http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34785 Destiny is a mother of two teenage daughters and a good friend of Mike, the nice man who lives next door and lets Destiny's family hang out at his pool. Five years ago, during a difficult stretch in Destiny's marriage, Mike and Destiny had a little one-night fling. Now that the marital problems are all patched up, the two old lovers are just friends. What Mike doesn't know, though, is Destiny's daughters witnessed Mike and Destiny screwing that one time. And now that the girls are almost all grown up, they want Mike to screw them, too. This is a pretty good story. Grammar problems crop up occasionally, and the prose is jerky in places, but it's not so bad that you'll want to throw the story away in disgust. The plot was so-so: a good excuse to get the older man in bed with the teenage girls. There were a few small things that annoyed me scattered here and there. For example, in the beginning, Mike makes a short speech about how older women are the sexiest women, and then later, when he's screwing the younger girls, the older woman is forgotten and it's those teenagers that really excite him. And I was bored by occasional cliched phrases. But this is a full step better than the typical older-man-teenage- girl story. In particular, the girls are believable teenagers, unlike so many stories where the girls are brainless fuck toys with nothing in their character to differentiate them from a thirty-year-old woman. If you're a fan of the Mf genre (and I know there are a lot of you out there), you won't have a problem with the small problems I mentioned above - you'll like this one a lot. Rating: * * * --- {ASSM} Taping wife (MF, voy) By hnnyhbby@aol.com (Hnnyhbby) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34787 This very short story is about a man whose wife has a fantasy of being videotaped while having sex. The husband talks one of his buddies into hiding outside the window and running the video recorder while hubby gives Michelle's twat a nice tongue bath. The wife is one of those the 38DD you read about too often in these stories, and there isn't much of a plot. But the writing is decent, the sex is decent, and there is a nice promise of things to come. Rating: * * * -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Archive: Hosted by Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository | |, an entity supported entirely by donations. | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+