Message-ID: <26374asstr$969156602@assm.asstr-mirror.org> From: Celeste801@aol.com X-Original-Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" Content-Language: en Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by sara.asstr-mirror.org id PAA08717 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 367 Sept 16 (repost) Date: Sat, 16 Sep 2000 22:10:02 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: assm-admin Note from ASSM Moderation team: The original posting of CR367 had some problems with high ASCII characters. We believe this to be a fixed version of the post. Thanks to Celeste and Denny for their help in getting a fixed version. ------- Celestial Reviews 367 -- Sept 16, 2000 Note: I noticed that Athena and Venus were mixed up in my first set of post-hiatus reviews. I have put them back in the right order. Athena was the Greek goddess of wisdom. Hence, she gets credit for my ratings for technical quality. Venus was the Roman goddess of love. Hence, she gets credit for my ratings of the plot and character development of a sex story. Celeste is me; and I get credit for my own preferences. Second note: I have a web site of my own now. It's nothing spectacular; but if your goal is to find my reviews, you may find it easier or more convenient to look at my web site than to find them elsewhere. I'll still continue to post them on a.s.s.m., and they will be archived in the asstr archives. My web page address is http://hometown.aol.com/celeste801 I would be happy to receive comments and suggestions from you. Third note: I have a backlog of stories that need to be reviewed. In some cases I have lost track of when I received these stories. If I post a review of one of your stories that was posted a long time ago, perhaps you will want to repost it. If you sent me a story in the past, I possibly still have it and will review it. If time goes by and you never see your story reviewed, please send me another copy. Some correspondents have accused me of "caving in to pressure" by adopting a policy of reviewing almost nothing except stories for which the authors request reviews. My reply is that I have so many good stories from authors who have requested reviews, that I simply don't know how I could find time to review stories by many other authors. I WILL make exceptions to my "request only" policy. For example, in this issue I have reviews by a couple of authors who are on my personal "best authors" list. I enjoy the stories these authors have written in the past, and it's fun to write about the ideas these authors tend to bring up. I like to do these authors the favor of sharing information about their stories with a broader audience. However, I am not going to be beating the bushes quite as hard as I used to; and so if you want a story reviewed, you should at least put the <*> symbol in your subject line or (preferably) email me a copy. Please note that I do NOT review partial stories. That is, not unless your name is Al Steiner or someone who I am certain will finish a serial story. It usually makes more sense to wait until the whole story is posted before I review it. If you send me a 1/? story, I'll just set it aside until I see the whole thing. Finally, I have received a few notes recently from irritated authors invoking the wrath of various deities upon me for failing to review the stories that they posted with clearly marked <*> symbols. Please be aware that I have been really and truly on vacation for several months. I have not even monitored this area; and if you posted a request for a review, I had no way to see it. I can understand your disappointment; but if this has happened to you, just send me another copy or post another request. I promise not to hold any prior expressions of hostility against you. I apologize for the excessive {albeit correct} usage of semicolons in the preceding paragraph . THIS WEEK'S JOKE: The following are replies that have allegedly been included on Child Support Agency forms in the section for details about the father: "I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps." "I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks." "I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again." "I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by my country. Please advise." "From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom." "Regarding the identity of the father of my twins. Child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night." "[name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?" ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "Size" by Lyndon Brown (wife watching) 9, 9, 8 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=651316479 "Sometimes Love is Not Enough" by Jack of all Trades (teen romance) 9, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=593699559 "Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts" by Einstein X. Mystery (first time teen sex) 9, 9, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666823385 "Tom's Secret" by Serath Rune (sex slavery & spouse watching) 7, 8, 5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636598 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636759 "Blind Date" by Wiseguy (romance) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666680762 "Catalyst" by Conjugate (sex education) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=635898109 "Ricksha Boy: Servicing the Tourist Industry" by Father Ignatius (sex with the natives) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595114885 "A Change in Perspective" by Ann Douglas (former teacher really sucks) 9, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668951788 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668971928 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== "Husband" by Alcibade (sex slavery & spouse watching) 10, 8, 8 http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb1.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb2.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb3.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb4.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb5.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb6.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb7.txt "The Longest Minute" by Uther Pendragon (sexual timing) 10, 9, 9 http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/story/longest.txt "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=663270393 ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "Size" by Lyndon Brown (indysheets@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=651316479 The man has been happily married to his wife for a long time, but he has a wee little weenie. She wishes he had a bigger one. He figures he'll teach her a lesson. He'll have some guy with a ten-incher fuck her in a brutish manner; and then he'll make tender love to her, thus proving to her that tenderness is better than size. Hmmm. Right. This isn't the sort of story that will get you turned on. At least I hope not. But it's still a cute story. As the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Ratings for "Size" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Sometimes Love Is Not Enough" by Jack of all Trades (tradesjackofall@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=593699559 This is an extremely good story. Bill Garvin is a nasty SOB who beats his wife and screws his bank customers metaphorically and his daughter literally. Mike Sanders is a nice young boy who is devoted to his horse, who does chores around the house, whose parents are being screwed by Bill Garvin, and who is deeply attracted to Garvin's daughter, Patience. I'm going to let you read the story yourself. It's a good one. This author uses the following story codes on his title line: (mf, rom, incest, violence). I think this story demonstrates the futility of the story codes. While I can understand that potential readers would like to know what a story is about before downloading it, in this case the information is misleading. The abbreviation "mf" in lowercase means that we have two young people having sex. That's true. "Rom" means that the story is romantic. Also true. "Incest" means that the story involves incest. That's true; but most readers who look for "incest" in the title line are looking for "family fun" -- the sort of story in which parents merrily hump their kids to the mutual benefit of everyone concerned. This story takes a much more realistic perspective: the daughter who is getting screwed hates the experience and would like to see the old man dead. "Violence" usually means that the story contains rape or coercion in the context of, "Hey, cool! Look at that bitch squirm." This story, on the other hand, puts sexual violence in the perspective in which it belongs -- a demeaning activity imposed by a complete asshole on a victim who is hurt by the experience. So my guess is that a lot of people looking for a good story missed this one, because the story codes were 'misleading.' I hope this review helps correct that mistake. The story has minor imperfections. For example, a teenage girl who has been repeatedly abused by her father and who has therefore spurned contact with males might have more trouble making tender love than Patience displayed in this story- even with a very friendly boyfriend. But overall, the plot and character development are excellent. The non-sexual elements of the plot {banking problems faced by small farmers and counseling for abused women} are well handled and are nicely integrated into the plot. The author chooses words effectively and employs generally effective sentence structure, but there are numerous examples of just plain bad punctuation. For example: <> This is an example of a comma splice--a type of a run-on sentence. There should be either a period or a semicolon after "song." <> This is another comma splice. In this case, I would solve the problem by turning the first clause into a subordinate clause, like this: <> Here's another example of omitted punctuation: <> There should be a comma after increase. This is possibly a close call, but the general rule is to use a comma to set off introductory phrases and clauses. {This is because without the comma, the phrase or clause tends to blend with whatever comes next.} If the introductory phrase or clause is short, it's OK to omit the comma; but I thought the above sentence was confusing without the comma. Mistakes like this are numerous and annoying; but the overall high quality of the writing helps minimize their impact. Ratings for "Sometimes Love is Not Enough" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts" by Einstein X. Mystery (einstein@scn.org). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666823385 The title describes what the young lady was wearing the first time the two teenagers made love together. It was the first time for both. So he goes through life with an affinity for ribbed sweaters & broomstick skirts. It's called classical conditioning -- Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of the bell, and the narrator salivates somewhat metaphorically at the sight of the designated garments. Personally, I have an affinity for large plants in concrete baskets on the top of tall buildings, but that's about all you're going to get out of me. Stories about young teen love evoke sweet emotions in me -- even if what the story describes bears no resemblance to my own first time. In general, most teens should follow the advice that Ann Landers gives -- wait until you're grown up to have sex. My own main objection to teenage sex is that once kids starting screwing, it's awful hard to stop -- especially if it's as good as it is in this story; and if you can't stop, you're likely to get entwined in a relationship that will wind up hurting someone. But only in real life. But as a fantasy of what the first time was like -- or what it could have been like -- this story was delightful. Ratings for "Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Tom's Secret" by Serath Rune (SerathRune@netscape.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636598 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636759 The author describes this as a variation on "Husband" by Alcibade, a story to which I gave ratings of 10, 8, 8 back in issue 162 of Celestial Reviews {March 1, 1997}. My relatively low ratings for plot development and preference were based largely on the fact that the story appeared to be incomplete. Serath has set out to correct that shortcoming. Tom and Ellen have been happily married. Then one day Tom informs Ellen that in order for him to be happy, he has to watch another man make love to her, while that man also dominates him. Reluctantly, Ellen agrees. The ensuing scene seemed distasteful and demeaning to me, but Ellen enjoys the experience; and it seems to be just the tonic that their marriage has needed. Read the story for more complete details. I just don't get it. Now, keep in mind that I didn't go out and dig up a story that I thought I would hate, so that I could spew my wrath at an innocent author. Serath sent me this story with a request for a review. I don't think she is depraved or illiterate. The punctuation is just plain screwed up in several places. That sort of thing adds to the discontinuity of the plot; but even if the punctuation were perfect, I'd see problems with this story. If the author's intention was to run a different tale through the Mdom wife-watching formula -- a tale designed to make sense only to those true believers whose juices start to flow when some poor bastard gets cuckolded -- then maybe this is a good story. I don't know; I'm not a member of that club. However, by sending this story to me, the author seems to be suggesting that she wants the story to make sense to a broader audience. If that's the case, I think she has missed the boat. As I understand the plot, the woman allowed herself to be talked into some severely dysfunctional activities that violated the basic covenant of love that she shared with her husband, and then she immediately enjoyed her participation in counterintuitive activities. And then the marriage was better off as a result of this experience. Something is missing here. The "true believer" will look at this story and say, "Yep! That's the way things happen." The rest of us are likely to say, "Bullshit!" If the story is supposed to convey to me either (1) the beauty of this submissive lifestyle or (2) the inner workings of the mind of a person who is different from me, it simply comes up way short. Over the past few years I have read several novels by Dean Koontz. One of the things Koontz often does is to try to get inside the mind of somebody whose emotions are really screwed up and to show the intensity of that person's emotions. Since the beginning of the school year I have been reading Koontz's "False Memory." At this point (about a tenth of the way into the long novel), I am reading about one person with agoraphobia, another with autophobia, and another who is suicidal for unspecified reasons. I had never even heard of autophobia before I started this story, and I knew little about agoraphobia; but as I read this novel, I found myself believing that I could understand how the minds of these characters worked. I didn't get that feeling with "Tom's Secret." Frankly, I sometimes get just plain depressed reading Koontz's novel. But the dog appears to be normal. And after all, I am reading this during a study hall during which I am in charge of some kids who make the characters look normal by comparison. My point here is that while Koontz considers all three of these characters to be good people whom I would probably like, he makes me perceive their behaviors as being clearly dysfunctional; and I think that's the way he expects the normal person to perceive these behaviors. On the other hand, with the present story (and also with Alcibade's), I read these activities that sound clearly dysfunctional; and I get the impression that the author thinks I am making a mistake to think that these behaviors are really weird. My analysis of the characters in this story is that they are sick. They need to get their lives together -- see a counselor, grow up, watch Dr. Laura on TV -- do whatever it takes to get over some serious problems. I just don't see the sense behind the notion that it's normal to be aroused by shame. If shame makes you aroused, you should get over it. Seek professional help, if necessary. But taking delight in your shame is not productive; nor is it loving to contribute to someone else's enjoyment of his own shame. That's called codependency. My critics crap all over me whenever I write a review like this, because they say I am commenting on lifestyles or sexual preferences, instead of reviewing stories, which is what I should be doing. My reply is that I am writing essays for my personal enlightenment and that of my readers. I label these essays "reviews," and I do indeed review stories; but I also sometimes write about the topics that evolve in these stories. I don't see this as being beyond the scope of what a reviewer is "allowed" to do. My hope is that a review like this can be helpful to this author, as well as to other authors who want to accomplish something similar. If her goal was to write a story for the inner circle of true believers, then perhaps most of my comments will be useless to her. However, if her goal was to write a story that conveyed an authentic set of emotions to people that didn't already share her insights into certain activities, then my feedback may be useful. I gave the story an honest shot, and (although I have certainly seen worse) it simply did not give me the impression that I understood the emotions involved in the story. I hope my insights have been helpful. Maybe somebody else will give the author different feedback. Ratings for "Tom's Secret" Athena (technical quality):7 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Blind Date" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666680762 Jake gets trapped into a blind date with Natalie. Chandra, the wife of the man who introduced Natalie and Jake for the blind date, is a genuine witch of Caribbean ancestry. Shortly after dinner, Chandra performs a friendship ceremony, which makes Natalie and Jake likely to like each other. As near as I can figure, the friendship ceremony is the Caribbean witchcraft equivalent of the hypnosis techniques that sophomores often acquire from psychology textbooks in stories on this newsgroup -- only a little more plausible. It just doesn't pay for me to summarize stories like this. There are elements of mind control, but it's not the juvenile stuff that sometimes fills mind control stories. It's really a nice romance story with lots of good sex and some interesting twists. I strongly recommend it. Ratings for "Blind Date" Athena (technical quality):10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Catalyst" by Conjugate (conjugat@bellsouth.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=635898109 Here's the deal. Ginny is horny as hell, because she is away at school and separated from her Sweetie, who is a hunk, albeit unavailable right now. Danny is a neighbor, who hangs out platonically with Ginny and her friend Linny; but although Ginny wants to be faithful to her Sweetie, she is aware that Danny has the hots for her -- or at least for her tits. Meanwhile, Linny is pining away for a boyfriend who is a dork. Somewhere near the beginning of the story, deprivation drives Ginny into having seriously wet dreams about Danny. Therefore, in order to preserve her fidelity to her distant Sweetie, she decides that she should get Linny involved with Danny, so that he won't be hot for Ginny's titties anymore, and presumably this will reduce her libido to a manageable level. Not really, I mutter; Ginny is presuming that Linny and Danny will carry out their festivities where she cannot see them, and if this assumption is false, well, then it's Goodbye Sweetie. The gumdrop in the works (as they say in Canada) is that Linny is slightly shier than a church mouse (as they say in England). Linny is also sexually naive. Since Linny resists the more direct "Hey, why don't you fuck Danny?" approach, Ginny adopts the more indirect scheme of reading sex stories from the Internet together with Linny. Moving right along, Ginny goes over to Linny's place for stir- fries and rice and to teach her how to masturbate. This educational activity is necessary because Ginny wants to get Linny uninhibited enough to attack Danny and keep him apart from Ginny, so that she can remain faithful to her Sweetie. They start by reading more stories -- this time of the F solo mast sub-genre. As fate would have it, after a few silly stories involving zuchinis, coke bottles, and other strategies that exist only in the minds of male authors who don't quite have their female anatomy straight, they come upon a story obviously written by somebody who knows how a woman really masturbates. The story goes into such excellent detail that even Ginny starts to learn a few things herself. Well, I am not going to tell you that the two ladies go at it right then and there or that they eventually have Danny join them in their revelry; but if that were what happens, then I would have made an accurate prediction, wouldn't I? And I doubt that I would have brought this up, if I were wrong. You'll have to read the story to see what happens. As the author says, "There is no slope more slippery than an oily pair of pussy lips." And one more thing: in strip poker who is the winner and who is the loser? I mean, is it possible that strip poker might be one of those touchy feely games that we could play at teacher retreats -- games where nobody really loses and everyone goes away with a warm fuzzy feeling and an eagerness to contribute to the team effort? Last year our school system hired an "expert consultant" with a huge zit on his forehead who had us play with a large ball; but strip porker -- er, poker -- would be a lot cheaper. It's certainly worth looking into. The author does a good job of working little editorials, anecdotes, and sex education tutorials into her story. I have an affinity for authors who do things like that. This is an excellent story. I strongly recommend it. Ratings for "Catalyst" Athena (technical quality):10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Ricksha Boy: Servicing the Tourist Industry" by Father Ignatius (FatherIgnatius@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595114885 Father Ignatius starts by informing us that the Masai are real people, living in Kenya, which is a place in Africa. He says men of the tribe have the biggest dicks in the world. To prepare myself for this story, I went to my search engine and entered "Masai +dicks." My search was not in vain. When I cut the dicks out of my search, I got numerous hits, one of which was to a lesson plan from a school system in Maryland. Don't bother checking. Leave these people alone. If four million of my readers rush off and bombard the school system with questions and requests, Senator Hatch and his gang will be on my ass in no time. Here's what I found out. After studying about the Masai for two one-hour periods, third graders in Maryland are able to: * Explain how the Masai use the physical setting of the land to satisfy their wants and needs. * Explain factors which influence where the Masai live. * Describe how transportation and communication networks link the Masai community to other communities. * Describe the relationship between economic wants and needs for the Masai and Linda's family. What I am going to do is check this story to see if maybe some of us -- the people who have access to this story by Father Ignatius -- can accomplish some of the same goals that the third graders in Maryland can attain after two days of probably more tedious but less prurient study. I have finished the story. Interesting enough -- indeed, VERY interestingly -- the story DOES meet all of the objectives designated for third graders in Maryland. I kid you not: I read about the physical setting, where the Masai live, transportation and communication, and economic wants and needs of Masai ricksha runners. However, there is a slight possibility that not everything in this story is exactly true. For example, strong young Masai men probably do pull rickshas, jump around to impress tourists while doing so, generally hustle tourists, and fuck the pretty ones whenever it is mutually agreeable to do so. However, I am not absolutely certain that ricksha drivers are allowed to receive blowjobs from clients while driving the minibus afterwards or that they would pull over and suggest that the Nordic goddess desist, were fellatio to have been initiated. As the story develops, we discover that Kristen (the Nordic tourist) is more interested in anthropology than in history. That is, she is more interested in having sex with her three ricksha boys than in hearing their spiel about historic landmarks. To accommodate her interests, the guys make it possible for her to spend the night in an authentic Zulu hut before her departure in the morning. As the narrator says, "the spectacle of muscular, half naked warriors working up a sweat fighting for her favours often has a memorably aphrodisiac effect on the Nordic goddess of the moment and that is a good enough reason for doing it." Imagine that. The guys have to be careful while servicing the tourist; otherwise she might mistakenly believe she is to be sacrificed to a terrible war god, which could be severely distracting. In addition to meeting all the curricular objectives, this story also informs us that Uppsala is in Sweden and that either John or Karl Barth has something to do with Giles Goat-Boy. These factoids represent a bit of what we educators call an enrichment activity -- that is, a couple of trick questions we can use to terrorize students who have focused too closely on the presumed objectives of the unit of instruction. However, for pictures I'm afraid you'll have to consult National Geographic. By the way, did you know that the North American continent is actually sinking at the rate of an inch per decade, because so many people store back issues of National Geographic in their houses? That wasn't in the story; I heard it on the radio. In summary, the story is almost certainly as informative as the lesson for the third graders in Maryland. However, I would NOT recommend the story for third graders. That's because I subjected the story to a reading level analysis, which indicated that the grade level was 6.9. That makes it appropriate for juniors in American high schools -- and possibly graduate students at Canadian colleges. This was a truly delightful story. Oh, I almost forgot. The author uses the word "rutted" in its proper, literal sense. You can look it up. Ratings for "Ricksha Boy" Athena (technical quality):10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "A Change in Perspective" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668951788 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668971928 How's this for pick-up line? "Excuse me; but by any chance would you happen to know the three major causes of the Civil War?" Alan is in a bar at a teacher's convention, and the question is coming from the young teacher's former history teacher, who had also been rated the third-best-looking teacher in the school. They have dinner together and share fond memories of their former times together. An unanswered question is which was greater - the number of times she imagined her husband was Alan, or the times Alan had jerked off imagining it was Maureen's mouth wrapped around his cock instead of his own fingers. In the present story they make new memories. This is vintage Ann Douglas stuff -- an older woman making gentle but passionate love to a younger man. Memories and experiences blend nicely into a very good story. Ratings for "A Change in Perspective" Athena (technical quality):9 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== "Husband" by Alcibade. http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb1.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb2.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb3.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb4.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb5.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb6.txt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection /Book_Shelf_A/alchusb7.txt The husband stops the car and tells his wife what he wants. When they get home, she will receive a phone call from a man, and she is to do whatever is asked of her by the man. The husband (Peter) trusts this man; and Peter, in turn, will submit totally to the two of them. Needless to say, Linda becomes Charles's sex slave for a week, while Peter looks on and both of them experience verious types of humiliation. Charles even loans them out to a 15- year-old Japanese boy, who has his first sexual experience with them. The boy learns that he must learn to be judicious and compassionate as he doles out pain and humiliation. Equally needless to say, the experiences enhance the couple's relationship. The story ends very abruptly; it's apparently the first part of a multipart story that is not yet complete (hence the "low" - 8 - rating for plot and reviewer preference. I have never really understood the logic (or the sound emotions) behind the need to humiliate a person I loved, and this story does not persuade me. People who do understand that logic or those feelings may enjoy this story more than I did. Ratings for "Husband" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Longest Minute" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/story/longest.txt Sometimes in order to get turned on the most at the end, you have to become turned off in the short run, but not so much as to reduce the likelihood that you will be rewarded at the end. Anyone who has sought the Holy Grail of simultaneous orgasm knows that this is true. For some reason I haven't been faced with this problem in a long time. That must mean that my husband and I are really good at it or maybe he just takes care of everything at his end or maybe we've discovered that the Holy Grail isn't as holy as we thought it was. That is, coming first and third might be as good as coming once simultaneously -- and require less concerted effort. At any rate, when I used to be faced with this problem, I used to use Wheat Wafers or Rye Krisps or something like that. I forget the exact name, but it was a snack that was so insipid that it was impossible to get turned on even thinking about them. I suspect Bill Clinton used Paula Jones for this same purpose. Anyway, the guy in this story is going through some mental gymnastics to time his orgasm to concur with his lover's. You can read the story to get the details. It's not a long story, but it addresses an interesting problem -- if you have that problem. Ratings for "The Longest Minute" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=663270393 [Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose. The story was not yet there at the time of this posting, but I am certain it will be there when Uther completes the revision.] {Uther is revising this story as he reposts it. I am not going to re-review it, but I'd like to give it proper attention by reposting this old review.} To relieve the tension, I'll tell you right up front that the title refers to the notion that the major advantage of breast-feeding is that it makes a woman less likely to suffer from breast cancer in later life and will speed the loss of that extra weight that she developed during pregnancy. Forget all that, and get on with the story. This episode is filled with a lot more non-sexual, real-life matters than most of the other chapters in the Brennan Saga: discussions of child-rearing, of getting a college education in French, of family tribulations and relationships, of theoretical economics, of the philosophy of history, of the Fashoda Incident (when the United Kingdom came perilously close to war with France), and of many other matters that real-life family members would be likely to discuss during a Christmas visit. {These are the sort of things Americans talk about when they don't spend all their time watching television. Alas, the Brennans don't even own a TV set! Hell, with all the fucking these two lovebirds do, who would have time to watch TV?} And there's lots of play with the Kitten -- which is the nickname for Bob and Jeanette's daughter. I suppose if you have never read any of the other stories in the Brennan Saga, you might find this episode a bewildering place to start. However, if you have been enjoying each of the other episodes as they have appeared, you'll be likely to enjoy this one. It fills in numerous details about people we have grown to know and love -- for example, we see the courtship of Bob and Jeanette (which was the topic of a separate story) from the perspective of Bob's mom and dad. This is the sort of thing that brings enjoyment to real-life families, and it makes for a very good read. Here's what I thought was a subtle mistake: "My father has a heart condition. Planning a quarrel with him violates her {Vi's} hypocritical oath." A "hypocritical oath" would be an insincere affirmation. The correct term is "Hippocratic oath," referring to Hippocrates, the putative founder of Greek and modern medical practice. I hesitated to make this "correction," since this author is usually extremely accurate in his word choice. The sentence could actually make sense with "hypocritical," since it would be possible that Bob might have been using a sarcastic pun in the designated sentence. {In fact, if my professor in college would have caught me with that mistake, that's what I would have claimed.} I sent a copy of this review to the author, and he assured me that the pun was intentional. The part of the story that held my interest was how Bob and his father would react to Jeanette and Vi's conspiracy to terminate their overt hostility toward each other. I realize that has nothing to do with sex, but that should serve to demonstrate how good this story is. However, I hasten to add that in addition to the story's excellent and mature plot, the sex is tender and good. These two people seem to fuck as often as unmarried hedonists who are overwhelmed with reciprocal lust! Imagine that. Even if it is mostly licit, unexceptionable, intercourse between lawfully wedded husband and wife. Ratings for "Forget All That" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 ============================== CELESTIAL GRAMMAR: HYPHENS ============================== A correspondent has asked me to discuss hyphens. The most common use of a hyphen used to be to split a long word into two parts at the end of a line. However, with the advent of the computer, writers rarely worry about this usage anymore. That's because (1) word-processing programs hyphenate automatically with remarkable accuracy and (2) many writers no longer bother splitting words at all. If the word won't fit on one line, they simply move the entire word to the next linte. If you do split words by hand, be sure to follow these three simple rules: (1) Don't leave just one letter before the hyphen. (2) Don't hyphenate so that there are fewer than three letters on the subsequent line. (3) Hyphenate only between syllables. (4) If a word already has a hyphen, split it at that hyphen or not at all. (5) Do not split words where the hyphen would cause confusion. For example, "her-oism" would be confusing. Use "hero-ism" instead. A second usage of hyphens is to join several words into one. For examples, we do this with numbers (e.g., twenty-one, one- fourth). In addition to numbers, the following are occasions when hyphens are appropriate: (1) Use a hyphen to form a compound adjective when you want the two words to be considered a single idea. a well-known prostitute a well-fucked pussy an out-of-date dildo full-fledged blowjob your cock-sucking cousin end-of-the-century romantic literature once-in-a-lifetime orgasm earth-moving climax The above rule applies only when the adjective precedes the noun. If the adjective follows a copulative (linking) verb, omit the hyphen. The prostitute was well known. Her pussy was well fucked. My dildo is out of date. The purpose of this rule is to enable readers to avoid confusion. Readers who see the hyphen will easily join together two words that they would normally tend to separate. Since almost all words that end in -ly are adverbs that modify the following word, a hyphen is not necessary with adverbs that end in -ly. a highly regarded prostitute a slightly fucked pussy (2) Use a hyphen for coined expressions, when you want to make sure readers will put all the words in the expression together. She gave him a go-ahead-and-fuck-me look. (3) Use a hyphen with some prefixes. For example, if a prefix precedes a word that is capitalized, use a hyphen after the prefix. un-American anti-British Some prefixes almost always use a hyphen. You can identify these by looking in a good dictionary. The most common are ex- self- semi- half- quasi- ex-boyfriend ex-lover ex-masturbator self-stimulation half-assed idiot half-completed blowjob semi-literate Australian whore (also semi-literate kangaroo-fucking Australian whore) (4) Sometimes it is useful to use a hyphen to prevent confusion or ambiguity. Who is your favorite comic-strip hero? {Without the hyphen, a reader might think that the hero is a stripper.} a pre-existing disease {without the hyphen, the reader would be likely to try to run the two e's together into a single syllable.} Exceptions and problems: Sometimes words become so closely associated that the hyphen is dropped, and the two words become a single word (e.g., motherfucker, not mother-fucker or mother fucker. If the words were written the latter two ways, they would have a slightly different meaning. For example, a son having sex with his mother might be called a "mother-fucker"; and when the family gets together in such a way that everyone fucks everyone else, then the maternal coordinator of this activity might be called the "mother fucker."). The best way to tell if the combination has become a single word is to check a current dictionary. Another way is to type it as a single word and then let your spellcheck tell you whether this usage is correct. Finally, even when hyphens are appropriate, there has been a tendency in recent years to permit writers to omit them. {That is, "well fucked pussies," without the hyphen, have become increasingly common, even among refined English teachers.} However, if the omission would cause confusion, use the hyphens. Recently someone called my husband a goddam motherfuckin' sonuvabitch cocksucker - with no hyphens at all. Years ago, he would have been called a god-damned mother-fucking son-of- a-bitch cock-sucker. Note that even nowadays it would be necessary to use at least one hyphen to call him a goddam motherfuckin' sonuvabitch half-assed cocksucker. Likewise, I need a hyphen to refer to him as a good-looking goddam motherfuckin' sonuvabitch cocksucker. Remember: the whole purpose of the hyphen is to prevent confusion by showing that words or parts of words belong together. If you can solve this problem without hyphens, more power to you. But keep in mind that your goal is to express yourself clearly to your readers. ============================== COMMENTS ON PREVIOUS ISSUE: ============================== In my last issue I discussed semicolons. I noticed on a.s.s.d. a flurry of postings that seem to demonstrate that there is a subculture within this newsgroup in which semicolons are the object of derision. The basic gist of this society's constitution is that semicolons should be avoided. If you feel the urge to use a semicolon, revise the sentence (they say). The result will be better prose. That's fine with me. As you can see, I have assiduously avoided semicolons in this discussion until right now; and the result has been a perfectly clear expression of my ideas (although some wag out there will point out that ideas that are full of crap cannot possibly be perfectly clear expressions of anything). However, in the sentence immediately preceding this one, I believe the semicolon served a useful purpose. It joined the two ideas more closely than would have been possible had I used two separate sentences, and it avoided confusion that would have occurred had I used a mere comma. On the other hand, in the sentence immediately preceding this one, I got by with a comma instead of a semicolon, because there was no internal punctuation. However, I also agree with MichaelD38, who said, " Bah. There are no rules of grammar so sacrosanct that a talented writer can't break them with impunity if he knows what he's doing. I can understand such pedantry with non-fiction, which is about communication, but fiction is art, and art is about breaking conventions. All grammar, no soul. No thanks." That is, a writer's (or speaker's) goal is to communicate a message clearly (and sometimes artistically). If grammar interferes with that message, then screw the grammar. But when you follow that dictum, keep in mind that you are inventing your own grammar; and unless you really know what you are doing (and a lot of people really DO know what they are doing, even if their knowledge is based on intuition), you might discover that ignoring the conventional rules of grammar hurts you more than it helps you. I also agree that there is some validity in the criticism that some writers become lazy by using semicolons when they should do something else instead. But I think a complete ban on semicolons is excessive. I have a friend with a similar bugaboo. He says that I should never say "very." His says that he uses his "change all" command to change each "very" in his writing to "damn." Then his editor removes all the "damns." That's a very good idea. The semicolon serves a useful purpose. If you want to use that tool for that purpose, then do so. If you want to solve your problems by reconstructing sentences in order to avoid semicolons, then do so. ======================================= TRUE WORDS BY ACCIDENT DEPARTMENT: ======================================= I found this in a story I was reading this week: "This {sexual affair} must be discrete; and once it is over, it's over." The author meant "discreet." What he accidentally said was that the affair must be non-continuous -- which happened also to be true, I suppose. DISCRETE means separate or distinct. DISCREET means being judicious or circumspect in one's conduct or speech. Although lexicographers acknowledge this distinction, few other really sexy people seem to know about it. Almost every time an author on a.s.s. means DISCREET, he/she says DISCRETE. I had sex with her in a discreet corner of the restaurant, where only the waitresses, the cooks, and customers leaving through the back door could see us. {This is a correct usage of the word - assuming that it is judicious to act in this manner.} I made love to him three discrete times that weekend. {This means they fucked, they stopped, they fucked, they stopped, and then they fucked again.} A DISCREET orgy would be one that is conducted in such a way as to avoid upsetting the neighbors. A DISCRETE orgy would be one that occurred separately from other orgies. A person who had several DISCREET orgasms while listening to the preacher would be much less likely to disturb the service than one who had several DISCRETE orgasms. -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Archive: Hosted by Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository | |, an entity supported entirely by donations. | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+