Message-ID: <22653asstr$949821000@assm.asstr-mirror.org> From: Celeste801@aol.com X-Original-Message-ID: <37.f6d050.25ce52c0@aol.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="ISO-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by sara.asstr-mirror.org id XAA08304 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 354 February 6 Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 02:10:01 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: Lambchop, dennyw Celestial Reviews 354 – February 6, 2000 Note: A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor. She noticed passers-by looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she explained. "I'm going to a convention." Second note: A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments on the creature's rather hideous appearance. Princess: "My, but you are really an ugly frog!" Frog: "I know, I know. I've got a really bad spell on me." Princess: "Well, I've seen frogs with spells, but none as ugly as you." Frog: "Look, leave me alone, lady. I told you, it's a really bad spell." Princess: "Well, even so, if I kiss you, will you turn into a prince?" Frog: "I don't know. A spell this bad will probably take a blow job." Third note: I thought you might like to know this: "Onanism produces seminal weaknesses, impotence, dysury, tabes dorsalis, pulmomary consumption, dyspepsia, dimness of sight, vertigo, epilepsy, hypochondriasis, loss of memory, manalgia, fatuity, and death. ~ Dr. Benjamin Rush, in "Medical Inquiries", 1812 (then the dean of the medical school at the University of Pennsylvania). Fourth note: Pardon the disruption. My mother passed away last week. She was in her seventies and had lived a good life. I may have lost some things in the confusion of my life. If I appear to have lost your story or your review, please send me a reminder. Also, I don't have time to read all the posts on a.s.s.d. and a.s.s. from the past week. If I missed something, I'd appreciate hearing about it. ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "The Gift" by Master Yves (submission) 9, 7, 4 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569859228 "Taste of Her Smile" (Version I) by Staysa (bestiality) 10, 7, 4 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570618333 "Taste of Her Smile" (Version II) by Staysa (romance) 9, 9, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570715815 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571218830 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571336098 "A Truly Thankful Reader" by Ploenzke (blowjob principle) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327678 "Character Assassination " by Jack of All Trades(writing a Valentine story) 9.5, 10, 10. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575767185 "The Bet" by Captain Steve and Linda (gambling & infidelity) 9.5, 8, 8 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575375008 "Evangelism" by Jack of All Trades (religion and sex) 9.5, 8, 8 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574363174 "The Mission" by Amber Riddle (sorority initiation) 6, 5, 5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549639440 "The Ethics Conference" by Jimmy Hat (voyeurism) 10, 8, 8 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439932 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439927 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439937 "Passenger" by Mr Slot (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576513121 "Coping" by Michael K. Smith (incest) 10, 10, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576392382 "A Ruthless Couple" by Unnamed Author (rape & snuff) 9, 1, 1 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577200437 "French Roulette" by Chronos Foe (gambling for sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576761265 "The Girl with the Goodbye Eyes" by Erin Halfelven (sexual nostalgia) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574191521 "The Red-Shouldered Mangrove Warbler" by Dr Spin (cherry popping) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568006396 "After Hours" by Ann Douglas (hot Ff encounter) 9, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577657725 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577676722 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Brother Spy" by H. Sigerson (voyeurism). Admiral Cartwright: 9, 7, 7.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829007 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829033 "Shared" by Sven (old marriage opens). Fiddler: 10, 9, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570605414 "Felicity the Beast" by DrSpin (nymphomania). Myers: No Rating http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327672 'Sis on Tape' by Bernard Sagon (blackmail). Admiral Cartwright: 8.5, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565556518 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565556524 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565568330 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565568336 "To Inherit a Factory" by Spiller (industrial sex) 7, 8, 7 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310350 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310343 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310337 "Three Days in August" by MichaelD (romantic seduction or seductive romance). Myers: No Rating http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384057 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384051 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384047 "The Perfect Martini" by Captain Sail and Linda (perfect sex) 9, 10, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570160034 "Yard Work" by Monika Blue (gangbang) 9, 8, 7 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565009645 "Ghost Story" by Ghostwriter90 (ghostly). Mary: highly recommended http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=531819315 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Campus Crusade" by Sean (sex in public places) 6, 6, 6 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397743030 * "Triked, Tricked, Trolloped" by David Shaw (airborne rape) 8.5, 8, 8 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=457158799 ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "The Gift" by Master Yves (master_yves@hotmail.com) http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569859228 A key concept behind this story is that submission is something given freely, not forced; something earned, not owed. How does He earn her submission? By giving clear commands, I suppose. Or maybe it's when He holds and caresses the cheeks of her ass, enjoying their feel and parting them to watch Himself slide in and out of her, and to gaze upon the other, smaller entrance just above, where His cock enters and exits her with steady, firm strokes. she has been so nervous about finally meeting Him, giving herself into His service, that she has been unable to eat for more than a day. I guess He earns her submission sort of retrospectively by giving her pleasure after she submits. The submission motif somehow goes right over my head. The Man is a sort of God, who gets capital letters even in the middle of sentences. The woman is a lower-class being, who gets lower-case letters even at the beginning of sentences. This reminds me of medieval Christianity, which classified people as good to the extent that they were subservient to the Deity. A famous female Christian theologian – I think it was St. Theresa – even stated that God demonstrated his love for his creatures by making them suffer. This basic theme that love is shown by dominance and submission has run through numerous religions, from Greek mythology to modern paganism. I personally reject the theological notion as a remnant of ancient superstition – a misunderstanding of the relationship between humanity and God; and the submission of a female lover to her male superior makes just as little sense to me. My prayer is that God is not a dominant asshole and that people who think love is a matter of dominance and submission will get a better grip on love. But heck, who am I? If I were infallible or at least a Man, I might be eligible to have an opinion on this matter. As it is, however, the story is unimpressive to me. If you already buy into the notion that wives or lovers should submit to their Men, then you might enjoy this recital of that liturgical formula. Personally, I found this story tedious. If the story is supposed to be romantic (which I think is the intention) then I would understand it better if there were a mutual respect and mutual self-giving. I acknowledge that in real life there are people who thrive on feeling inferior or superior in a relationship, but I think they should seek counseling and get over it. Ratings for "The Gift" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Taste of Her Smile" (Version I) by Staysa (stasya@counsellor.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570618333 This story was well written. I can't recall why I chose to read it. It's about a guy fucking a dog. Somebody must have recommended it to me. Or maybe somebody pulled a practical joke on me. As I read the story, I assumed that there was going to be a punch line: the dog would turn out to be a bitch in some metaphorical sense. But no, it's a dog he's fucking. Was a glad I read the story? Not really. I mean, I guess if a guy fucking a dog could be a thing of beauty, this might qualify as a beautiful story; but I thought it was mostly weird. Ratings for "Taste of Her Smile" (Version I) Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Taste of Her Smile" (Version II) by Staysa (stasya@counsellor.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570715815 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571218830 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571336098 After I had written the review of "Version I" of this story, I found Version II. After reading this second version, I can only conclude that I think I am missing something here. I have looked in vain for hints within the stories, but I simply don't see a relationship between them. That is, I don't see how they can be viewed as two "versions" of the same story. If the stories had different titles and no reference to "versions," I would have assumed they were completely discrete stories by distinctly different authors. I think maybe two separate authors chose a title and decided to write separate stories with that title. Then they posted them without telling us about this inside "joke." The impact of the identical titles was mostly distracting: it did not add at all to my enjoyment of the stories. It's a game I don't understand. Having said that, I'll review this "version" as a separate story. It's not quite as well written in terms of grammar and style as the first, but it was a lot sexier and more fulfilling to me as a reader. In this case, the two people meet while she is out walking her dog and he has just broken up with his first long-time lover. They are both concerned about using and being used. Nevertheless, they soon head out to the woods together for some great outdoor sex. The description of the sex is not as vivid as what I've seen in numerous other stories, but I admired the author's attempt to distinguish between love and sex. My feeling is that the author made a genuinely good effort and fell just barely short. The actions don't quite validate what the characters say they are feeling and thinking. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this story very much. Ratings for "Taste of Her Smile" (Version II) Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "A Truly Thankful Reader" by Ploenzke (ploenzke@my-deja.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327678 This story represents the ultimate implementation of the Blowjob Principle, which states that if a person wants to get a second blowjob, he had better do something to make sure the giver felt good about giving the first blowjob. Applied to short stories, this means that if you enjoy a story, you should convey your gratitude to the author, and then maybe he'll write another even better story. In this case the narrator is finishing up his story in the computer lab, when an attractive young lady looks over his shoulder and admires his work. After he posts his story to a.s.s., he takes her back to his room and shows her some more of his work. Alas, she discovers that he is still a virgin and that all the stories he has written are based on theory or fantasy. So then she gives him a chance to admire HER work. Ratings for "A Truly Thankful Reader" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Character Assassination " by Jack of All Trades (tradesjackofall@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575767185 This is a clever little story about an author writing a passionate Valentine's Day story. The sex in the story blends nicely with his real life. It was a short but very sexy and humorous story. Ratings for "Character Assassination " Athena (technical quality): 8.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Bet" by Captain Steve and Linda (sailtwo@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575375008 Jaded with normal gambling, the two business partners make the ultimate bet: one hand of poker – the winner gets to sleep with the loser's spouse. The loser must actively help the winner in the seduction. The winner gets to tell all to the loser in explicit detail, and the loser must listen. Their main grammatical problem is that the lovers are discrete, when they should have been discreet. Their main practical problem is that the bettors picked the wrong time to fire their mutual secretary. Their main moral problem is that they have no morals. And there's an interesting twist at the end. Ratings for "The Bet" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Evangelism " by Jack of All Trades (tradesjackofall@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574363174 The Reverend Fullmer and his crew are preaching the healing gospel of love. The message is full of innuendo, and the thoughts of the characters enable us to read between the lines. The story is short and silly, but fun. I guess this story might be a good one for those of you who have been getting a little behind in your love offerings . Ratings for "Evangelism" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "The Mission" by Amber Riddle (ambersbikini@nospam.hotmail.com) http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549639440 This is a little story that was tossed together without much evidence of thought. To get into a sorority, the college girl has to give the prof a blowjob – I think. Heather also has to do something, but the author forgot to include that part of the story. Which was fine with me. Ratings for "The Mission" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "The Ethics Conference" by Jimmy Hat (jimmy@jimmy-hat.com) http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439932 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439927 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439937 Heather Stanton and Gerald Maytag are public servants attending an ethics conference. There may be an oxymoron in that previous sentence. The ethics conference is boring. There may be a redundancy in that previous sentence. Actually, the convention is not about ethics at all. Ethics is the branch of philosophy that politicians, lawyers, and whores study in order to develop rationales to justify their unethical behavior. The conference Stanton and Maytag are attending is actually a law enforcement conference during which they discuss the putative color of the speaker's underwear. As far as I know, law enforcement officers are not required to study ethics. They are simply required to be good, moral people – like our protagonists. The plot focuses on Agent Maytag discovering that there is hankypank going on in the hotel at which they are staying. So while his faithful sidekick Stanton finds a way to enjoy the hankypank, Maytag organizes a raid to punish the evildoers. This is another enjoyable episode in the ongoing adventures of these two FBI agents. Ratings for "The Ethics Conference" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Passenger" by Mr Slot( dalech33@optusnet.com.au). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576513121 This is a really unusual story. The man is seated next to an attractive, professional-looking woman on a crowded train. He tries to strike up a conversation with her, but instead she engages him in a sexy monologue. Objectively, the "conversation" is about as "sexy" as the dubbed-in lines you hear in an XXX-rated movie while the film goes through eternal loops and one of the partners groan: "Can you feel me as I rock back and forth on your monstrous cock? Can you feel my pussy clamp down on you? Can you…. Oh God!" It's the context that makes the monologue great. I don't want to tell you any more about it, because a big chunk of the fun is finding out what happens. I strongly recommend this story. Ratings for "Passenger" Athena (technical quality):10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Coping" by Michael K. Smith (incest) 10, 10, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576392382 Tom has been lonely and dysfunctional since the death of his wife six months ago. He takes a double dose of sleeping pills with the hope of getting a good night's sleep. His 13-year-old daughter comes to talk to him, sees him asleep, and takes a pill herself. In the middle of the night Tom finds himself in the middle of an erotic dream, vividly reliving the sexual thrills he used to share with his wife. Only it's not a dream. You can take it from there. This is a thought-provoking story. My only nit to pick is that this sort of activity would be more complex than it seems to be in this story; but a complex moral discussion would not be anywhere near as interesting as this story. Ratings for "Coping" Athena (technical quality):10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "A Ruthless Couple" by Unnamed Author (postgoth@my-deja.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577200437 <> The above disclaimer is the only part of the story that makes clear sense. The rest of it is pretty much like a really disjoined and bad version of the introductory scene of "A Clockwork Orange" without the rest of the movie. By that I mean that the story could possibly have gone somewhere, but I sure don't know where that might be. I dunno. When the author forgets to include either his name or the plot, sometimes I suspect that it's not my fault that the story falls flat. This came across to me as a piece of drivel that somebody threw together in two minutes and then posted, while he laughed up his sleeve over the fact that some naοve readers might accept it as a serious effort. Ratings for "A Ruthless Couple" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 1 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1 "French Roulette" by Chronos Foe (Chronosfoe@aol.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576761265 Here's how you play French roulette with three people. It's similar to Russian roulette, except that you use a penis instead of a gun. Each girl (in this case 2 of them) takes a turn at sucking the guy's cock. First round, one draw; second round, two draws, etc. The loser is the one who gets a mouthful of cum. If the guy survives 30 rounds, then both girls become his sex slaves for the night. If he cums, he joins the swallower as the sex slave of the other female. It sounds like a win/win situation for the guy. For him to win, he would have to endure a very large number of potential sloppy and erotic oral strokes. Losing under those circumstances might not be so bad. For the girls, the idea is to leave the guy on the brink for her opponent. Buried deep in the rulebook is the one that requires that the guy be tied spread eagle to the bed. Ah! The slip of a lip may sink a ship! Of course, the payoff consists of a most interesting threesome. Ratings for "French Roulette" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "The Girl with the Goodbye Eyes" by Erin Halfelven (Joyce@qnez.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574191521 After a guest reviewer gave this author what appeared to be unusually low ratings, I made it a point to read several of her stories. This one is the shortest, but I liked it best. Maybe it was my mood at the time, but this little piece had a poetic quality that really attracted me. It's a story about a man making love to a woman who he knows will not be with him long. It's a very nice treatment. Ratings for "The Girl with the Goodbye Eyes" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Red-Shouldered Mangrove Warbler" by Dr Spin (DrSpin drspin@newsguy.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568006396 The three nerdy teenagers are going bird watching, and the beautiful older chick who's getting married next week asks to come along. Gosh but she was pretty. They look for the designated bird, but they have no luck – until the beautiful chick discovers that she has just three condoms left in her travel bag, and she has a chance to double her head count before she gets married , and the guys will get to lose their cherries. "Maybe you want to think about this," one nerd suggests "Shee-it," says another. "Fuck my brown dog," says the third. Amazingly, four red-shouldered mangrove warblers appear and start pecking and swallowing the little orange berries, while the bride-to-be is humping nerd number two. Then it's our narrator's turn. What will he do? Fuck the red-shouldered mangrove warbler! To determine whether that's a metaphor or a literal description, you'll have to read the story. The problem is, nobody would believe a nerd who told a story like that. . Four red-shouldered mangrove warblers at one time? No way. Ratings for "The Red-Shouldered Mangrove Warbler" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "After Hours" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577657725 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577676722 Susan is a high school history teacher who gets picked up by a purple-haired, heavily pierced, nineteen-year-old girl who works at the video store where she goes to pick up her stash of lesbian/teen flicks for a night of plowing her own field. Previously, Susan had merely engaged in fantasies about the nymphets in her classes, settling for a woman her own age for hands-on engagements. Elisa is something else. Elisa is a nineteen-year-old girl with purple hair and an excess of passion. She is a sort of Purple People Eater. I heard that song on the radio recently. Old people have no basis for making fun of the songs of modern teenagers. But I digress. To be politically correct, I should say that Elisa reveals herself to be an exuberant and talented young lady with purple hair an d a proclivity to eat people's pussies and to tear apart her partner's panties in the process. The sex is good, and there's even an interesting twist at the end. I was distracted by the constant use of a capital letter whenever the word "Teacher" occurred. Respect is one thing, but obeisance is another. This is Ann's swan song. She says she's retiring. There were many well-deserved goodbye messages in a.s.s.d. My favorite was from the fan who said, " I cant say I won't miss Ann because I will but at least she won't be adding any more stories to the ones I haven't gotten to yet so I won't be getting further behind." Actually, if you'll pardon just one more bad pun, I enjoy the sensation of getting a little behind in Ann's stories. Ratings for "After Hours" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Brother Spy" by H. Sigerson (SigersonH). Guest Review by Admiral Cartwright. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829007 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829033 Here we have an excellent study in contrasts. The author purports to be a 17-year-old male who is recalling events from five years prior. The then-12-year-old has inherited his late father's affinity for electronics, and decides to use his skill to spy on his three sisters and their mother by building an elaborate PEEPER (Personal Electronic Eye Platform for Examination and Relaxation - itself a contrast, as the first four match the character and the last two seem tacked on) system hidden in portable radios. The need for the devices in the various bedrooms, bathrooms and beyond is believably explained; however, the obvious expense involved in purchasing such equipment as micro- and low-light cameras, coaxial cable, monitors and the like is brushed off in a bill to mom's credit card that she never notices (Dad's accident left the family financially comfortable, but mom works part-time for 'extras'). A quick reference to one's allowance frankly stuck in the craw. There are other niggles: Mom and Dad supposedly came close to giving up on a son after the births of three girls, but his third sister is two years YOUNGER; the 'author' has 12-year-old hormones, but with an adult attitude not quite sufficiently explained; EVERY female in the family (including the ten-year-old) has lesbian tendencies; you get the idea. Yet, that having been said, the sex was quite hot. A nice touch was the set-up of one sister with a female friend who needed setting up as well; both by the 'author'-as-pre-teen and unbeknownst to each other. The remainder happened slowly and believably. It rang true, and worked well. Writing and grammar were, though not quite perfect, indicative of a great deal of time and relative care. That this was much more than a simple stroke story was clearly evident, and to the author's credit. I hope to see more from Mr. (I presume) Sigerson. Ratings for 'Brother Spy': Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Admiral (appeal to reviewer): 7.5 "Shared" by Sven the Elder -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Archive: Hosted by Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository | |, an entity supported entirely by donations. | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+