Message-ID: <22445asstr$948751803@assm.asstr-mirror.org> From: Celeste801@aol.com X-Original-Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by sara.asstr-mirror.org id KAA23189 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 353 January 24 Date: Mon, 24 Jan 2000 17:10:03 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: Vulpine, newsman, kelly Celestial Reviews 353 – January 24, 2000 Note: Denny W posted this. I thought I should give it wider publicity: Maybe you CAN go blind from doing masturbating after all! Researchers have documented six cases in which rigorous activity resulted in temporary vision loss. Five men, ages 30 to 53, suffered hemorrhages of varying severity in one eye while having intercourse or masturbating. The lone woman, a 24-year-old, complained of losing vision in her left eye after being stimulated with a vibrator. The study, published in the American Medical Association's Archives of Ophthalmology, stressed that these cases of "Valsava retinopathy" are rare. The condition has been associated with other forms of exertion, such as weight lifting, or with prolonged vomiting or coughing. Researchers believe that pressure builds in the eye, causing tiny blood vessels to break or delicate tissue lining the eyeball to tear. It can take from five weeks to 10 months for normal sight to return. If you've been looking for a reason to explore celibacy, this is it. If, on the other hand, you'd like to continue with your wanton ways, experts say you can minimize risk by not holding your breath during sexual stimulation, as happened in some of these cases, and by avoiding intense physical exertion if you're otherwise sedentary. Second note: A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She speaks in a cheery voice: "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you.was that?" "Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you." Third note: A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island. As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand. Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford. Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth, in the man's eyes. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?" He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?" "Sure," she says, "if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up halfway around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!" Fourth note: A discussion on a.s.s.d. that focused on reviews has used some of my reviews as examples. Several people have said something like "I find it sad that XX decided not to write again after a negative review." The "negative review" was posted in CR 327. I didn't write the review; however, it was written by a person who I think writes outstanding reviews. This review (which is reposted below) gave the story a 10 for grammar and style, an 8 for story structure, and a 5 for appeal to the reviewer. The 8 for the story structure seemed to be valid. My opinion (which was also that of the reviewer) is that the author piddled around with digressions that really weren't all that interesting or pertinent and therefore could reasonably be considered to interfere with the story structure. An 8 means "good but not great." The author of the review specified his reasons why he didn't like it – it was too pedantic – the author came across as making cute little asides to show off his knowledge instead of just getting on with it and telling the story. I did not read the whole story – because I don't like stories of that sort. The damned thing has eleven parts; and I think lots of people (like me) would like to know before they spend time downloading and reading a lengthy story whether there is a chance they will like it. I often send long stories to this reviewer, and he often gives them positive reviews. Lots of readers (including me) respect his opinion (largely because he gives good reasons for his judgments), and hence they are likely to read long stories by MichaelD, Michael K. Smith, or Al Steiner and skip right past stuff that is likely to be a waste of their time. Now if XX or anyone else is going to react to this kind of criticism by crawling into a hole and not writing anymore, so be it. A more sensible response might be to write a better story next time. {A follow-up referred to these two sentences of mine as "callous." A follow-up to that criticism said, "Why? Because it's true?"} I personally try to write reviews that are constructive, and I try to be especially sensitive to beginners. I may fail at this; but my experience has been that both readers and authors seem to like my reviews. I suppose I have had "bad" guest reviewers, but they are overall a good bunch. Some of the reviewers have gotten better in response to the feedback that appears in a.s.s.d. Others stop reviewing when somebody blasts them for a bad review. One reviewer started out by writing reviews that I thought were a little pedantic and offensive. Then she did a complete 180 and began writing reviews in which she seemed to be kissing up to the authors. Currently, she writes pretty good reviews. What I am saying is that those of us who write reviews may not be professionals, but we try to do a good job; and I think we offer a useful service. I sometimes feel flattered when someone chastises me for "farming out" a story instead of reviewing it myself. However, I am able to review a lot more stories with the help of the guest reviews. In addition, I have one reviewer who reviews bdsm stories that I find to be distasteful. I personally enjoy his reviews a great deal, even though I rarely read the stories he recommends. In this respect, CR provides a sort of central forum where people can look to find out what's going on. I hasten to add that I am aware that my own Reviews are not strictly speaking purely reviews. They are essays in which I have some fun writing about what's on my mind – which is sometimes the story I'm reviewing and sometimes something else. It's a reasonable thing to do, and I have a large audience of people who like this sort of thing. There are almost no people I really want to offend, and I enjoy the feeling of mutual respect that I think I have with some of the authors; but I have long ago stopped worrying too much about people liking or disliking specific things that I say. In this way I think I am typical of most of the people who are active in this community – we are relatively non-traditional and forthright and able to deal with intelligent discussion. I am starting to ramble. The basketball game my husband has been watching is nearing it's terminus, and I am feeling an urge to do something other than harangue you any further. Below is a copy of the offending review: ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "Snow in July, Stevie in August" by Michael K. Smith (hot spontaneous sex)10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565173990 "Kelly" by Pee J (flirtation and passionate sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568890955 "Passenger" by Sidney Durham (sex at 90 m.p.h.) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567584568 "In The Darkness" by Deana Johns (sexual awakening) 9, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567289973 "Letters to my Lover - Kitchen Fantasy & Washing Up" by Dean Edwards (romantic passion) 9, 8, 9 "Diamondmouth" by Paris Waterman (career counseling) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551023940 "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309575152 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309863113 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310046955 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310257476 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310469176 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310717338 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310956592 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311296168 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311609996 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311844003 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=312070547 [Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose. But this might not work several months from now.] "Sports Illustrated" by Chris Church (rape & voyeurism) 5, 4, 4 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569468692 "The Former Nun" by Varangian (sex for an ex-nun) 6, 5, 5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568965196 "Frankie" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (incest) 9.5, 9, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571062264 "Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven (masturbation) 9, 8, 7 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574462563 "A Place to Call Home" by Ann Douglas (FF romance) 9, 10, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929738 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929742 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943563 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943567 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943572 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "The Morning After" by Ann Douglas (sex with adolescent). Todd: 6, 4, 5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366882 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366886 "Adultery in the First Degree" by Phil Phantom (adultery). Mary: No rating. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=564668290 "Slaves" by E.Z. Riter (brutal sex). Myers: No rating. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569274527 "The Arrangement" by Ann Douglas (FF dom). BillyG: 9.5, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886897 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886902 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886906 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912025 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912021 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912020 "My Date with a Devil" by Lady Casaloma (sexual teasing). Myers: No rating. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574142519 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10 {See above for Links} * "The Mommies" by Al Steiner (sex with Mr. Mom) BillyG: 10, 10, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453994656 * "The Bandit" by Metlay (slice of life). 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568088440 ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "Snow in July, Stevie in August" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@bellsouth.net work). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565173990 Billy meets Snow at a Fourth of July block party that is held at Snow's house. {The teenager got her name from hippie parents. Hippies used to name their kids things like Snow, Chastity, and Rosebud.} Snow is serving lemonade. Billy has a little too much (lemonade) to drink; and when he goes inside to tinkle, Snow follows him. First she helps him aim; then she plays with his dick and does a little show for him. He has a good time, and so does she. This is not really "good," since he's an adult and she's a minor. The next month Billy meets Snow's sister Stevie, who is also a sexy female, but somewhat older. He helps her look at bathing suits; and the next day she stops by and tells him that if he's not boinking her sister or anything like that, she'd like to fuck his brains out. And – I know you may find this part hard to believe – she talks dirty while he does it to her. Imagine that. She even has exquisite rectal muscles. Imagine that. I'm having a little trouble finishing this review. Imagine that. Note that Snow and Stevie had "hippie" parents. "Hippy" parents would have big hips. Ratings for "Snow in July, Stevie in August" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Kelly" by Pee J (peej102@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568890955 The narrator finds himself attracted to Kelly, who appears to be of legal age but much younger than he. The bad news is that he discovers she's having an affair with a woman. The good news is that he also finds out that she swings both ways. The further bad news is that she flirts outrageously with him, but only when other people are around. Otherwise, she treats him like a big brother – the kind of guy a girl will neck and pet with, but not go all the way. Some further good news is that he gets really excited about the fantasy of watching her make love to another woman. And maybe participating. So anyway, she fucks his brains out in a most delightful manner. Ratings for "Kelly" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Passenger" by Sidney Durham (sidney_durham@springmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567584568 This story is silly. You could get killed doing things like this. M.A.D.D. doesn't approve of this sort of thing, even if the Driver is not Drunk. Al picks up a sexy hitchhiker who is half his age, and she comes on to him. She basically undresses in the front seat, plays with her tits, flashes some truck drivers, and then chokes his chicken for an encore. It's a little sexier the way the author puts it. Even more interestingly {perhaps}, this story makes the useful distinction between "on to" and "onto." That is, it is not always correct to believe that on + to = onto. In other words, there's a difference between Indigo coming "on to" Al and Indigo coming "onto" Al, both of which happen in this story. However, the story is pretty hot, and so it's not all that likely that you'll notice or remember this semantic distinction. This is a really silly short story, but it's well written and hot. As a supporter of M.A.D.D. – or at least as one who doesn't want them on my case – I urge you to read this story and reach orgasm to it so often that the notion bores you stiff – er, silly. That way, you won't want to do this in real life, and the roads will be safer because of your effort. Thank you for your courtesy. Ratings for "Passenger" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "In the Darkness" by Deana Johns (Deana.Johns@sm0101.promedia.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567289973 This story technically deserves a slightly lower rating for technical quality than I have given it. However, since it purports to be the recital of a young girl just starting to have her period, perhaps the minor grammar mistakes can be excused in the name of realism. She's a horny young kid, not a budding rocket scientist. The author covers up (or incorporates) these grammar problems with a really nice sense of timing and an interesting twist in the plot. The girl is being raised by her father, and her body has started sending her messages that confuse her. She reflects on these feelings alone in the darkness. Then one night a mysterious female presence joins her in the darkness. Is it her sister come back early from college? Her lost mother returning to give her sex instruction? I ain't tellin'. This is an excellent story. I strongly recommend it. Ratings for "In the Darkness" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Letters to my Lover - Kitchen Fantasy & Washing Up" by Dean Edwards (mix@mixmaster.ceti.pl). These "letters" have two strikes against them: (1) they use the second person (I/you) point of view, and (2) they are not really complete stories – just snippets taken out of context. The third strike is that the stories are pretty much formula stuff – two people in love fucking the way most people fuck when they are passionately in love and doing the ordinary things of life. But I'm going to give these stories a foul ball on that third strike. You non-baseball fans will have to look that metaphor up. As every non-British schoolchild since William Babbington MacCaulley knows, what I am saying here is that the stories don't fail, as my initial bias led me to believe they would. There are apparently more stories in this series, but the two that I reviewed were pretty good. These letters do a nice job of expressing the hot, romantic passion between a man and a woman. They are sort of like watching two people screwing in loving passion, without any framework to tell us who they are or why they like each other so much – other than the obvious factor of reciprocal titillation. If you like that sort of thing, you may enjoy these fragments. I certainly did. Ratings for "Letters to my Lover" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Diamondmouth" by Paris Waterman (the_panda@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551023940 This is a story about a black pimp being interviewed in a billiards establishment in downtown Newark by a young white lady who is a reporter for the local newspaper. It relies heavily on a phonetic rendition of the dialogue as the participants would have pronounced (and slurred) the words. That means you have to read slowly and sometimes figure out what the hell the people are saying; but it also means that you get a picturesque and vivid story, if you take the trouble to find it. Mr. Liston (the pimp) describes to the reporter the biographical details of one Johnny Diamondmouth, a legendary king of the pimps, who used to chew maybe twelve packs of Juicy Fruit gum a day, just to keep his breath sweet. {Indeed, I have a past similar to Johnny D's, although my mastications were less extreme.} While the reporter acquires carnal and criminal knowledge from Liston, he fucks with her mind and eventually her body. "Please continue, Mr. Liston," she says. He does; and she gets her story, while he gets some fine ass. In addition, she gets some career counseling. Ratings for "Diamondmouth" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309575152 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309863113 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310046955 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310257476 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310469176 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310717338 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310956592 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311296168 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311609996 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311844003 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=312070547 [Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose. But this might not work several months from now.] To relieve the tension, I'll tell you right up front that the title refers to the notion that the major advantage of breast-feeding is that it makes a woman less likely to suffer from breast cancer in later life and will speed the loss of that extra weight that she developed during pregnancy. Forget all that, and get on with the story. This episode is filled with a lot more non-sexual, real-life matters than most of the other chapters in the Brennan Saga: discussions of child-rearing, of getting a college education in French, of family tribulations and relationships, of theoretical economics, of the philosophy of history, of the Fashoda Incident (when the United Kingdom came perilously close to war with France), and of many other matters that real-life family members would be likely to discuss during a Christmas visit. {These are the sort of things Americans talk about when they don't spend all their time watching television. Alas, the Brennans don't even own a TV set! Hell, with all the fucking these two lovebirds do, who would have time to watch TV?} And there's lots of play with the Kitten – which is the nickname for Bob and Jeanette's daughter. I suppose if you have never read any of the other stories in the Brennan Saga, you might find this episode a bewildering place to start. However, if you have been enjoying each of the other episodes as they have appeared, you'll be likely to enjoy this one. It fills in numerous details about people we have grown to know and love – for example, we see the courtship of Bob and Jeanette (which was the topic of a separate story) from the perspective of Bob's mom and dad. This is the sort of thing that brings enjoyment to real-life families, and it makes for a very good read. Here's what I thought was a subtle mistake: "My father has a heart condition. Planning a quarrel with him violates her {Vi's} hypocritical oath…." A "hypocritical oath" would be an insincere affirmation. The correct term is "Hippocratic oath," referring to Hippocrates, the putative founder of Greek and modern medical practice. I hesitated to make this "correction," since this author is usually extremely accurate in his word choice. The sentence could actually make sense with "hypocritical," since it would be possible that Bob might have been using a sarcastic pun in the designated sentence. {In fact, if my professor in college would have caught me with that mistake, that's what I would have claimed.} I sent a copy of this review to the author, and he assured me that the pun was intentional. The part of the story that held my interest was how Bob and his father would react to Jeanette and Vi's conspiracy to terminate their overt hostility toward each other. I realize that has nothing to do with sex, but that should serve to demonstrate how good this story is. However, I hasten to add that in addition to the story's excellent and mature plot, the sex is tender and good. These two people seem to fuck as often as unmarried hedonists who are overwhelmed with reciprocal lust! Imagine that. Even if it is mostly licit, unexceptionable, intercourse between lawfully wedded husband and wife. Ratings for "Forget All That" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Sports Illustrated" by Chris Church (cchurch@netinc.ca). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569468692 I think this story tries to explore the question, "What if rape could be a spectator sport?" The woman watches a rape in the alley outside her window. It turns out that it's not a real rape – just one of those sweet things nasty men do to their sluts to prove that they love them. But to the voyeur it sure looks like criminal activity, and so she sits back and watches and enjoys it. The nice thing is that this story is so badly written that I doubt that it will instigate a mass demand for watching rape on live TV. We'll have to settle for bullfighting, I suppose. Ratings for "Sports Illustrated" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "The Former Nun" by Varangian (Ludmax11@hotmail.com) http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568965196 At the age of twenty-six, Mary Kathleen has left the convent. She is desperate for a place to stay, and so she throws herself at the feet of her cousin Julie. Julie's older friend Agnes comes on to Mary Kathleen, but the former nun literally kicks her out of the bed. However, she lets Julie fondle her, although she herself remains passive. Then she meets Julie's friend Jack Parsons, who is a reformed homosexual. The guy used to date younger guys; but as he has grown older and uglier, he has resorted to women. No kidding. So Mary Kathleen immediately falls in love with him and therefore goes to bed with Julie and this time responds actively. Then she gets a haircut and puts on some lederhosen and has Jack pop her cherry. The main problem with this story is that it's too "factual" – just a bare description of events with little rationale and few realistic emotions. In addition, it just doesn't come across as something that would really happen. Ratings for "The Former Nun" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Frankie" by Emerson Laken-Palmer. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571062264 This is a story about incest. However, unlike most of the incest stories you'll see in this newsgroup, it's not much of an advertisement for family fun. Frankie is a little girl who gets boinked first by her brothers and then by her father, none of whom are much concerned about Frankie or her personal growth. Eventually the narrator of the story meets her and fucks her in a kinder, gentler way. Sounds sort of like a political sound bite doesn't it? As I read this story, it was obvious to me that Frankie's sex education, which came mostly from her ignorant older brother, taught her that sex was essentially a matter of animal rutting. I suppose a lot of kids look at sex that way. At any rate, Frankie grew up believing that she was an unattractive, natural whore. This is not stroke material – at least not for most normal people. However, it is a well written, interesting story. Ratings for "Frankie" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Every Lollipop Loves a Licking" by Erin Halfelven (Joyce@qnez.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574462563 The narrator and her friend play a sort of Sexual Rendezvous Game. She's lesbian, and he's gay; but they enjoy an occasional hetero fling. So when the urge hits one or the other of them, he/she leaves a cryptic message for the other. In this case, the message is, "Every Lollipop loves a licking." The only real sexual activity in the story is the narrator's masturbation while she anticipates the encounter and tries to solve the riddle. The rest is relatively vague anticipation. I would have liked the story better if it were at least possible to solve the riddle or if the anticipation were a little more specific. But still, it's a nice little story. Ratings for "Every Lollipop Loves a Licking" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "A Place to Call Home" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929738 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929742 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943563 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943567 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943572 Alex is a self-employed construction worker. She travels from town to town, picking up occasional work where she finds it. She gets temporary work remodeling the old Victorian house that belongs to Marilyn Crawford, a woman who has recently moved to the town and who is viewed as eccentric. As a perk, she gets to live in the house. It's a big job, and so Alex stays a while. And, as you might suspect, she finds some additional perks. A guest reviewer reviews another of Ann's stories later in this issue. That review is much more negative than this one. That reviewer criticizes the author for her indirect approach: "If we need to know that the woman is 42 or that she has black hair, and I'm not sure that we do, the narrator should either state it outright, rather than shoe-horning it into sundry sentences or, better yet, have the protagonist take mental inventory of herself and include such details. Similarly, it would be far better to say that the woman is very satisfied, then go on to what she was wondering in the early morning light." Personally, I LIKE the author's indirect approach to details. I find it to be a refreshing and enjoyable approach to telling a story. I mention this mostly to acknowledge the validity of differences of opinion. I "employ" several guest reviewers, and I really appreciate their help. Without them a lot of stories would go un-reviewed. Some reviewers tend to agree with me and give ratings similar to my own – or at least they are based on the same scale. Others have outlooks or values that are quite different than my own, and some of them use rating systems that are at variance with my own. For example, I tend to give higher ratings than some reviewers. My belief is that since I tend to avoid the really bad stories and to read lots of stories by really good authors, the ratings SHOULD be high. Other reviewers, however, think that on a scale of 1-10, about half the stories should be above 5 and about half below that mark. Some people have told me that I should instruct the reviewers to follow my system. I don't want to do that, because I appreciate and respect their independence. I think most readers can understand these differences. Indeed, some have written me angry letters telling me that they regularly ignore so-and-so's reviews. More often, readers just make automatic adjustments based on what they know about the reviewers. A further advantage of these guest reviewers is that some of them agree to read stories that I just plain would not enjoy. For example, one reviewer enjoys bdsm and slavery stories that turn me off. I find that by sending that sort of story his way, I get some good reviews to publish, and I also learn something from examining his perspective. So vive la difference! And if any of you want to join in as guest reviewers, please contact me. Ratings for "A Place to Call Home" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "The Morning After" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). Reviewed by Richard Todd http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366882 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366886 The Morning After tells a fairly conventional story about a woman who wakes up in bed with a stranger, is bemused and finally puts him to good salacious use. He then conveniently disappears, leaving her with few complications. The author does provide one twist, however. The woman has just experienced a serious professional humiliation and sees herself as something of a loser. During the scene in bed, which occupies the bulk of the story, she receives some solace from the thought that, drunk though she was, she was able to entice a man, or more exactly an adolescent boy, into her bed. The reality that she discovers at the end of the story is of a meaner sort and is another assault on her self esteem. Before we consider how well the story is crafted, there are a few thing that need to be examined. Most people would agree that, for a mature woman, an adolescent boy's chief sexual function would be as an intelligent dildo. He probably has great erectile capacity, but not much to offer in the way of adult intimacy. And to add to the effect, the author has made the boy a serving-class immigrant with whom she can only converse in a few half-remembered words from her high school Spanish. To put the nub of this story in perspective, imagine the sexes reversed. Suppose the protagonist was a middle-aged and not particularly successful man who discovers a teenage girl in his bed. (Of course, most people would be outraged at the situation, but that's not the point here.) We would see very clearly, in the case of a man, that anyone who needs the sexual validation he receives from an adolescent is, at best, a pathetic creature. Did the author intend her protagonist to be a pathetic creature? I doubt it. The narrative tone is generally too warm for that. Yet, whether intentionally or otherwise, she dealt cruelly with her in the denouement. Thus there is an underlying dissonance to the story that is never resolved. The writing is competent, with a few lapses, particularly in its narrative structure. The point of view is almost entirely deferred first person; it is written in the third person, but the text generally records the protagonist's thoughts, feelings and impressions. It is when it briefly wanders into true third person that it runs into trouble. For example, there are lines like "It took the 42-year-old woman a few moments to fully take in her surroundings . . . " "All her life, the black haired woman had taken the safe path." "As they lay together in the early morning light, the much-satisfied woman wondered . . . " If we need to know that the woman is 42 or that she has black hair, and I'm not sure that we do, the narrator should either state it outright, rather than shoe-horning it into sundry sentences or, better yet, have the protagonist take mental inventory of herself and include such details. Similarly, it would be far better to say that the woman is very satisfied, then go on to what she was wondering in the early morning light. A more glaring point of view problem comes when we are suddenly told that Tomas wasn't a virgin but had only minimal sexual experience. While it is an interesting detail, this in not an authentic way of introducing it. Tomas is generally rendered as personally inaccessible because of the language difficulties and perhaps the awkwardness of the situation from his point of view. You can't simple throw in some intimate history like that into something that is otherwise someone else's story. Or rather you can, but it seriously weakens the narrative impact. The scene in bed is the strongest part of the story, a few problems notwithstanding. The flashback and denouement are considerably weaker on account of their ambiguity of purpose. This review may strike some readers as unduly severe. Yet criticism is worthless if it is not searching and honest. I emphasize the honest part because I have not been entirely happy with having to dissect the Douglas's work so mercilessly. I've read a number of her stories and, while I may have reservations about any one of them, I sense a kind of friendliness and generosity behind them as a whole. It strikes me that, with some work and discipline, she could potentially write some excellent and memorable fiction. Technical quality: 6 Plot & character: 4 Appeal to reviewer: 5 "Adultery in the First Degree" by Phil Phantom. (Phantom@Sonny.Net). Guest Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com), http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=564668290 A house bursting with guests, a dozen kids. John wants Alice. John almost rapes Alice. Alice sorta wants it. John gives it to Alice. The kids watch, up close and real personal. Bill confronts Alice, mostly with his tongue in her still sodden vagina. She threatens to be John's sex-slave. Bill blesses the union. Bill is the husband, Alice is the wife, John is the neighbor. Hence the title. Dear god. Okay, so the writing's competent and it's well-proofed. But for the rest - it isn't fun, it isn't even funny. It's just tawdry and tacky and, ultimately, arid - bereft of any real emotional wallop or feeling for the characters. What do the kids feel? We have their ages, but are they all just genome photocopies, without a single unique personality trait, an individual response? What are they saying? Isn't even ONE of the 12 horrified at seeing this happen in the hall? Do they all creep up for a good gander like a set of demented dwarves? What is this, the American Family Kinko? At some level, doesn't this constitute a form of child abuse given that there are kids of every age from 8 to 14 looking on? John mauls Alice. She finds this "rude". Bill finds his wife and John in flagrante. Bill is "shocked" (who'd have guessed?). Humping John leaves, "quietly". Coveting the neighbor's ass is obviously de rigeur around here, ergo, there's not a hint of an altercation between the guys, not a word is said. Courteous Cuckold helps Adulteress Alice to her unsteady legs and leads her to the bedroom. There, the lady flings herself naked on her front thus affording a splendidly unimpeded view of her derriere and her "pussy leaking a fuck wad over the marital bedspread". "How could you?", he says, "Didn't you know the kids were there?". Oh my, such civility. He might as well have said, "Oh dear. This is most unsettling," or something similar. And then he puts his mouth where John's money was. This is all so bizarre that one suspects that all these people can only be British. It's only the spelling that gives it away. And just why is it adultery 'in the first degree?' If it's meant to signify some sort of crime, none of these recidivists seem to think it's anything but a peccadillo. I guess we should expect Part 2 now, "Fornicating Al Fresco" or some such. Frankly, I'll pass. Reading this is like being had by Hannibal AND his elephants. And before anyone out on the newsgroups starts flaming me, let me say this: I hated the story. You might not. Fair enough. But for heaven's sake, let's not have another one of those who-needs-or-reads-reviews-or-cares-what-they-feel debates. If you're reacting to this review, the answer to that should be obvious. Unrated. "Slaves" by EZ Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=531819315 This is a brutal story, no doubt about it. Not really for the faint of heart. While it makes for *ok* reading, though, it is not particularly gripping in general. I'm not going to say the author squandered opportunities to make this a more edgy piece, because to do so would neglect the fact (on the plus side) that he did avoid a lot of the cliches one would expect out of a kidnap/torture scenario involving a girls' soccer team, a few adults, and some pretty mean enslavers. E.Z. gets the mood of the piece just right, I should say. The feeling of helplessness, the struggle to fight back, but not enough to upset the masters, the overwhelming resignment and fear that there is no turning back, and so on. There is true degradement of spirit in the "protagonists" even without the more typical plot devices that you might be expecting in these situations. Like some of Zombie Night's stories, this is the part that crackles with energy, despite the sort of grizliness and beyond-the-pall attitude of the masters. But as with many of the stories of this type, the segue into sex isn't quite complete. Sure, there are orgasms. Sure there is submission. Sure there is humiliation, etc, etc. Unfortunately, there isn't the tension and conflict about these events that there should be. It is really hard to write this kind of material. Surely the author has locked up in his head how the women feel at this critical point of rape and torture. Surely he wants us to know what "it's all about" in their heads. With a story of this length, getting in the head of the torturee is really the goal. It doesn't come through the way it should, and so I feel like I see through the story a little too much. So the sum of my feelings about this story boils down to: a tentative thumbs up, but with a definite feeling that the author has something better buried down deeper. {No Rating} "The Arrangement" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). Guest Review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886897 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886902 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886906 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912025 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912021 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912020 Following a temporary retirement by Ann Douglas several years ago, it's nice to see her back in a.s.s. As before, she writes with ease and facility, especially when dealing with women who have experienced both sides of the gender equation. Her stories have always had that clear image of believable reality and "The Arrangement" is no exception. Pamela Jean Armstrong, the protagonist, is an attractive, even beautiful, 24-year-old blonde who has accomplished some minor successes in life, largely flat on her back. Hardly professional qualified, but not totally dumb, she presents herself initially as a slut-bimbo who finds herself well out on a breaking limb, deserted by her former boss and left as the fall girl for his impaired work ethics. Just when it appears that she's going down, her ex-boss's replacement, Victoria Baxter, the youngest of the firm's Vice-Presidents, makes her an intriguing offer - one too good to pass up regardless of her previous sexual preferences. Victoria emerges as a strong, moxy and accomplished professional women who, as it turns out, has a thing for young girls. Just how this emerges and progresses is a good part of the delight of Ann's story. The one area of the story that had a small hitch for me revolved around the implied dominant-submissive nature of their relationship. Erroneously, I had the expectation that there was more to be developed in this story, almost as if there's another chapter or two in the wings. Ann's a very good story teller and "The Arrangement" follows in her well-crafted tradition, an excellent balance of narrative and dialog, spiced by Pamela's inner thoughts. The erotic impact of the story will, in part, be governed by your own preferences. In any case, it's a cracking good story. Ratings for "The Arrangement" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 BillyG (appeal to reviewer):10 "My Date with a Devil" by Lady Casaloma (lacey95@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574142519 This is a well-written, 'well-mannered' MF rom story with a playful touch. Made from the stuff from which harlequins are wrought, at first glance the author appears to going for the 'cute' angle. It feels a little contrived at the beginning, a little Ally McBeal. But after a while, the character settles in and gets down to some fun. The basic twist is that the 'Devil' teases the female lead by keeping her at the point of orgasm, but not allowing her over the edge. A number of nice, but familiar devices are used to keep it flowing. Unfortunately, most readers will find that the author could have sustained this for a longer period still, and this would have made for a more rewarding experience. It feels like we're let off the hook a little too soon somehow. Overall, this story could use some... I don't know. Polish is not the right word... but that's on the right track. What saves it is the fresh voice and playfulness. Perhaps the seduction aspect can be played up a little more? ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). {See above} I suppose the main characteristic of the sexual activity in Uther Pendragon's stories is that it is both delightfully arousing and arousingly delightful. In addition, the sexual activity is a perfectly natural part of each story. We don't read about sexual athletes or people under the mystical influence of mind control; we read about people like ourselves or our parents twenty or fifty years ago. It turns out we might have been interesting and sexy people. And then we have the aphorisms - adages that would make Benjamin Franklin proud. **** "There is room for two in a twin bed, you need a double bed for two and a wet spot. **** "Daughters and husbands both create messes, but my daughter and my husband are both worth it." This chapter in the Brennan saga is written from Jeanette's perspective, and it includes her perfect description of her perfect man: "His puns are execrable, his vocabulary can make me blush, he thinks that passing gas is funny, his version of vacuuming a carpet isn't worth plugging the machine in, he can out-stubborn a cat without even trying. He will, however, hug me when I need it without my telling him why I need it. And no, you can't have him." When you mix that sort of thing with discussions of family finances, parenting skills, French phrases that are easily transparent to non-francophiles, and really hot and tender sex, the result is a darned good story. As this story begins, Bob and Jeanette have now been married for ten years. Imagine that. The Kitten (their daughter) is not yet a year old. They have returned to Bob's parents' house to celebrate Christmas and to make this story eligible for the Celestial Christmas Story Contest. The story is a remarkable combination of current activities and flashbacks to Bob's and Jeanette's earlier lives together and apart. I laughed and I cried and visite d my own version of Bob for orgasmic and comic relief. What more can a girl ask for in a story? The story is long on "relationships" - in this case with a focus on the relationship between Bob and his family. In addition, within this line of thought the author gives us sometimes lengthy digressions on complex topics. For example, we get a complex lecture on economics from Bob's father. This is boring - but that's the point: the old man goes off onto perplexing tangents, but that's part of his personality. I think it is always difficult to deal with relevant but extraneous information in a story where the readers will be looking for erotic impact. I suppose this author could improve, but I think he already does a pretty good job. My advice is, if you find yourself reading a paragraph that sounds way too complex, just read it without trying to understand all the details. There's a good chance the author is just trying to give the impression that the characters are having complex thoughts - he's probably not really trying to teach you any French or economic theory. As in many other episodes of the "For" stories, the author throws in tantalizing details that make us wonder, "What was that all about?" For example, in this episode Bob and Jeanette visit her family as well as Bob's. The details of that visit led me to suspect that Jeanette had been subjected to some form of childhood sexual abuse from which Bob wants to protect his wife and his daughter. The author handles this kind of innuendo extremely well. [The author later informed me that Jeanette was subjected to some emotional neglect and emotional abuse. There wasn't any sexual abuse. Dave is simply bad news. I'm really not certain that comes across clearly in the saga – but then I might be reading imperfectly. ] Penultimately, let me give you non-francophiles some free help. Bob and Jeanette are long on puns. The main pun in this episode occurs whenever the baby says, "Oooh." Each time this happens Bob immediately replies (often in French), "No, it's not August; it's December." Ya see - The French word for August sounds remotely like "Oooh," and since Jeanette is a student of French.... Finally, please note that the story has been reposted in revised form, and the revised form is reviewed earlier in this issue of CR. Ratings for "Forget All That" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Mommies" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com). Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453994656 I'm an Al Steiner fan and one of the things I like about his style is the care he takes in setting up the players and the situation, establishing believable, three-dimensional people. In his offering, "The Mommies," I was a bit side tracked by this very device. Oh, the plot's artfully straight foreword. The protagonist is a medium successful writer, married with two little girls, seemingly in a stable relationship. By a bizarre twist he becomes a single, divorced man. It's worth reading just for that unexpected turn and sufficiently compelling that I thought of it more as the beginning of a powerful story in its own right and not, as it appears to be, the setup or prologue to the plot that eventually develops. It seems odd that such a strong plot line serve no other purpose than to set up why the protagonist is single with two little girls and consequently be acceptable to the other "mommies" in the local park. The last part of the story works well. The first part of the story works very well, and while they're clearly connected, somehow theirs disconnect between them. In spite of that criticism, I liked the story and it's worth your attention. Ratings for "The Mommies" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "The Bandit" by Mike Metlay. (posted by atomic@tesser.com). Guest review by Piper http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568088440 In Western civilized cultures, there is a place separate from the so-called real world; a place where young and old meet, where learning from books and learning of life mix, where ideas and ideals are sometimes more important than the people who hold them. We call these places universities. The Bandit is a student in a place called Arcadia. This story covers the last year and a half or so of his academic life. We don't learn much about his studying or courses, though of course such things must take place (there's only a few minor mentions of these matters). Instead, we read about him, his friends and acquaintances, their shifting relationships, and the slow unveiling of their inner personalities. The Bandit is an intelligent young man with a libido that won't quit (like many young men), but with a problem -- an inner voice that tells him about right and wrong, and why he shouldn't do certain things that seem like good ideas at the time. Think of Hawkeye from TV's _Mash_, with less joking, but with a fair flair for music, especially bass guitar. Women and sex do not occupy his every waking moment. He's got a real life. Some of the other folks involved are: Zero, the skinny, easygoing guy with the oversized shlong, who makes the girls crazy with lust; Mary Magdalene, the slightly oversized sexpot with a killer kiss and an absolutely over-the-top thing for The Rainbow Wizard, a cancer survivor who turned a mystic bent, all to hide his mind games and manipulations; Diva, another somewhat oversexed lady looking for a not-totally-meaningful relationship; Twink, who is honest, forthright, wears her heart on her sleeve, but is so painfully naive it hurts, and who eventually learns to share her boyfriend with one girl, her fiance with another girl, and herself with yet another girl (all at the same time!); Conan, the musclebound nice guy who hasn't got a clue as to what he's really all about. And there's still Starch, Lanky, Flower, Livewire ... While I read the story, I slowly came to the realization that all of the protagonists were distilled essences of character types. What made them live for me were the real situations and their believable reactions. I could see people I know doing the same things, but maybe not for the same reasons. Like an onion (a very over-used metaphor, I know), there is layer upon layer of misdirection and misunderstanding. Look below the surface in this story. It won't grip you by the gonads, despite the fair sprinkling of sex, but it will, eventually, take over your mind, infesting you with thoughts about the characters themselves. Whoever the author is, he (or she) wrote a very intelligent, imaginative slice of life. (My personal favorite character is Twink, but I don't think she'd settle for me. I'm probably a bit too much of the one-man-one-woman kind of guy for her.) This is another long (275k) story. Ratings for "The Bandit" Technical merit 10 Plot and character 10 Appeal to reviewer 10 -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderator: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Archive: Hosted by Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository | |, an entity supported entirely by donations. | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+