Message-ID: <21961asstr$945990602@assm.asstr-mirror.org> From: Celeste801@aol.com X-Original-Message-ID: <0.37d9f3bb.2593bad9@aol.com> Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 351 December 23 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by sara.asstr-mirror.org id MAA10944 Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 18:10:02 -0500 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, gill-bates Celestial Reviews 351 – December 23, 1999 Note: It's been a long time since I posted my Celestial List of Credulous Assumptions. So here it is. {These are assumptions that seem to underlie many stories posted in this newsgroup, but which are probably not true.} 1. It is usually possible for a woman to estimate the size of a man's fully engorged cock by gazing at his crotch when he is unaroused and fully dressed and over ten yards/meters away. 2. Without the use of scientific instruments men can easily estimate the size of women's breasts from across the room, even if the woman is fully dressed. {Actually, this is no big deal, since nearly all attractive women have 38DD bust sizes anyway.} 3. The normal sequence of sexual experiences is first petting, then oral sex, then anal sex, then vaginal sex - usually all on the same date. 4. The first boy to touch a girl's breasts will come in each of her three orifices within the next hour. 5. Most women would intensely enjoy sexual contact with another woman, but most men would not enjoy sexual contact with another man, even if cultural biases were eliminated. 6. Children who have sex with their parents normally enjoy this activity and grow up to be emotionally mature honor roll students who will contribute to scientific research and to world peace. 7. Ditto for sex with older siblings, kindly neighbors, and random strangers. 8. When sons, daughters, little brothers, or little sisters ask questions about sex, the best way to answer their questions is to show them, using their bodies as part of the demonstration. 9. When a spouse or lover catches his/her partner having sex with someone else, the typical response is to join in. 10. Women typically have multiple orgasms during every fulfilling sexuaeral days in a row. 10 & 11a. Women and men that can do so are happier and better sex partners than those who have fewer orgasms. 12. Kids can go blind if they masturbate too often. {Ooops. That one belongs on a different newsgroup!} 13. Kids who do not masturbate at least daily are severely disturbed. 14. It is important to pop a person's cherry before she gets out of high school {or gets into high school, has her first date, gets married, buys her first car, etc.} 15. Women typically enjoy getting raped, once they get over their inhibitions. 16. Men who force women to have sex with them are sexy. 17. People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids who read a chapter in a psych book. {Either that or some of these stories are written by Psych profs who are really desperate to motivate their students to read a chapter in their text book.} 18. If you ever get turned into a sex slave, it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. 19. The typical male ejaculation shoots at least 12 inches through the air {unless the penis is inserted into a receptacle which will terminate this expulsion. In this case the ejaculate lands with the impact of a speeding bullet.} 20. Most women ejaculate at least a pint of luscious fluid during a really enjoyable sexual experience. 21. Most people get turned on when their partner treats them with extreme cruelty for the partner's own personal gratification. 22. Most black men have "monster cocks." These 12- to 14-inch penises will thrill any pussy (or other aperture) lucky enough to receive one. Black women, however, do not have "monster cunts," nor do they appear to be all that interested in the genitalia of their black brethren. Hence the reciprocal fondness between black men and white women, especially those known as sluts. 23. The family that fucks together stays together. 24. It's more fun to have sexual intercourse when there's a genuine risk of pregnancy. Offspring resulting from unprotected intercourse of minors tend to be sexy honor students by the time they reach middle school. 25. Nuns {and English teachers, librarians, etc.} are really sexual dynamos. 26. Ain't nothing wrong with most frigid women that a riding crop won't cure. 27. Guys who go without underpants and have sex several times a day do not develop a nasty rash. 28. Male doctors get their rocks off during physical examinations of female patients. Female doctors have multiple orgasms whenever they examine a beautiful person of either sex. 29. A girl will get her first orgasm from her first intercourse, usually within minutes or even seconds after having her hymen torn. 30. Most young girls are looking for experienced men to train them in sexual practices. They want to start but they don't know anything about it. When they find these instructors, they will say things like, "Yes, eat my pussy now!" {Which is a strange request from somebody that doesn't know anything about sexual practices.} 31. Most women who find that their husbands want to loan them out to their friends respond, "Sounds like fun." 32. Most boys who are forced to act the part of a girl find that they love the role. Unless this happens for the first time in a penal institution other than school. 33. Parents routinely leave their bedroom doors ajar when they intend to have sex, and kids do so when they intend to masturbate, which they do noisily above the bed sheets. 34. Nobody ever farts while making love. Especially not during anal intercourse. And even if they do, its never one of those rancid ones that linger on and on. And even if it is, the partner thinks it's sexy. 35. No one ever gets a cramp while making love. For that matter, no one ever sneezes or has a nose so filled with snot that it's impossible to breathe, much less give a blowjob. 36. The woman's vagina never makes that 'farting' noise due to trapped air in there. If she does, this causes immediate orgasm in both partners. 37. Nobody ever forgets to wipe his/her ass prior to having it licked, which is unfortunate, because most people absolutely love the taste of human feces. 38. The woman never says "Ouch! I wasn't ready! I'm too dry!" If she thinks she wants to say these things, she instead says, "Fuck me harder!" 39. Men don't turn over and go to sleep immediately after sex. 40. Women don't fall asleep at the beginning of sex, when they feel so comfortable and relaxed, and they can just let themselves go.... If they do fall asleep, their partner regards this as a compliment. Second note: After I posted a review that gave relatively low marks to a vampire story, I noted some criticism of that review in a.s.s.d. The author suggested that I didn't even read the story. The "evidence" was that I didn't notice or mention several "obvious" details. My reply is that when readers don't notice details, maybe the author should consider the possibility that the details weren't presented very well or that they didn't have the impression the author intended. Another correspondent pointed out that I seem to have a tendency to give low marks to vampire stories, whereas I usually give higher marks to transgender stories. First let me reply by pointing out that I have given very high ratings to "Intimate with the Vampire" by Rocket88, "Meeting Amanda" by Backrub, and "Blood Prey" by Tooshoes. The main characteristic that differentiates these three stories from run-of-the-mill vampire stories is that they present the vampire sex in a context that makes sense to adult human beings who have not taken the time to familiarize themselves with the mythology of vampires. Many of the others come across as comic book endeavors that appeal only to a group of insiders who think that vampires are kew-al. I think the main reason I give higher ratings to TG stories than to vampire stories is that I tend to select TG stories by only a few authors who send them to me for review. Vickie Tern, Stephanie, and Estragon, for example, are authors who work very hard at perfecting a story – making sure that the entire plot hangs together and that the activities make sense once the reader grants a few clearly-stated assumptions. My negative reactions to vampire stories is usually based on the fact that I don't know what the hell they are doing or why they are doing it. I normally skip right past both vampire and TG stories, unless someone calls them to my attention – as by making a specific request for a review. Third note: The visiting nurse was acquainting herself with a new elderly patient. The nurse asked, "How long has it been since you have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion , the woman answered, "Why not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive." Third note: The word Casanova conjures up images of a charmingly amorous and debonair hero, capable of seducing women at will. Little know is the little fact that Casanova (who is mentioned in one of the reviews below) ended his life as a librarian. ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "Lit 101" Homer Vargas (Time Travel Sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=547029690 "Adult Tech" by Jimmy Hat (innovative phone sex and real sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559268744 "Shocking Times" by Sven the Elder (swinging) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117319 "Laura's Story" by Al Steiner (threesome) 10, 9.5, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558082110 "Laid Aloft" by David Shaw (slutty sex in high places) 10, 8, 7 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557391978 "A Voyeur's Wife" By Tonytony3 (wife watching) 10, 9, 8 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558067595 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117307 "The Kissing Game" by Felix Phile (emerging adolescence) 10, 8, 7 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557501276 "Trust" by E.Z. Riter (contractual adultery) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512 "A Six Pack of Hecate" by Katie McN (mostly humor) 10, 8, 6 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512 "Sister Mary Margaret" by Katie McN (sex orgy humor) 9.5, 9, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947088 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947093 "Dress Rehearsal" by Ann Douglas (romantic FF sex education) 9, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115483 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554133822 "1999 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament" by Daphne Xu (oral orgy) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554054610 "Lunchtime Confessions" by OneIdleHand (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Le Chateau" by alf (firmament32@hotmail.com). Homer: 5, 4, 3 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558824565 "Alarms and Excursions" by Vickie Morgan (). Silenus: 6, 8, 5, 6 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=546983880 "The Great Jacko" by DrSpin (). Myers: NR http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=548716038 "Games" by Tonytony3 (). Myers: http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=561283859 ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "World Lit 101" Homer Vargas (Time Travel Sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=547029690 One of the really nice trials of my life is that I have way too many good stories to read. The author sent me this story well over a month ago, and I put it in my in-basket and then kept putting other stories on top of it. Fortunately, Homer reminded me that I had the story; and so I had the good fortune of reading it this week. This really is a good story, but it does require some insider knowledge for maximum enjoyment. It's part of the fantasy train series, and interpreting that information itself requires some inside knowledge that I won't go into here. The short explanation is that the author takes a trip on a fantasy train with six a.s.s. authors: Allison George, Miss Behavin', Virago Blue, Maria, Bronwen, and Janey. {Other a.s.s. personages also make cameo appearances.} The train travels in time, and the authors meet and interact sexually with their personal inspirations from history – Chaucer, Shakespeare, and their ilk. Incidentally, something that I personally learned back when I was interacting more actively with Shakespeare or Chaucer or one of those British folks is that "ilk" is a derivative of "like." I just thought you should know. The author does a good job with the literary allusions, the anachronisms, the dei ex machinis, and other otiose details, as well as the sex. Ratings for "World Lit 101" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Adult Tech" by Jimmy Hat (jimmy@jimmy-hat.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559268744 On the surface, this story is about technical support for sex toys. The guy goes to an adult emporium and buys a cock thingy. Since he can't get it to fit properly, he calls the Tech Support; and the Tech Support lady offers him some useful phone sex to help him install and try out his new toy. This activity results in a skin irritation, but then another damsel from Tech Support comes out and shaves him and helps with the reinstallation. This was an extremely creative story. Sex toy and shaving stories often seem very lame to me, but the rationale and background made this one much more attractive. The only thing I didn't understand was what difference it made that the guy was an FBI agent. It seemed that he was supposed to be investigating something, but I never did quite figure out what that was. Upon further reflection, I realized that the author has written several stories about this same FBI agent. That specific role is irrelevant to this story. He could just as easily be a bag boy or the leader of a major Western nation. Ratings for "Adult Tech" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Shocking Times" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117319 In my real life I once decided that it would be no fun at all to watch my husband fuck a beautiful friend of mine while her husband gave me a wonderful ride on his luscious cock. It was in a philosophy class in a Catholic college that I came to that realization, and it was the answer that was required if one expected a high grade on that paper. More realistically and more recently, I have come to the realization that it WOULD be a lot of fun – but it still sounds like a bad idea and I probably won't ever do it. I don't think things work out as ideally in real life as they do in fantasies; and I have been working at a good thing too long to risk it in the vain hope that the grass really is greener if I'm lying on it with a different sex partner. But Sven makes a good case for polyamory or swinging or whatever you want to call it in this story. Anyway, this story is an excellent presentation of the fantasy. Ratings for "Shocking Times" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Laura's Story" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558082110 This story is loosely related to the author's "It Happened One Night." The previous story presented a threeway from the husband's point of viewpoint. This story is from the wife's point of view, but it does much more than repeat the same story from a different perspective. The real focus of this story is on the wife's previous relationship with a different woman at a much younger age. The author states that readers can enjoy the present story without reading the former; and I can testify to the truth of that allegation, since I have not read "IHON." I have enjoyed some of this author's stories more than I enjoyed this one. I think the action is just a little bit forced in this case. Nevertheless, it's still a fine story. This is another one of those stories that support my belief that almost everybody "could" swing both ways. I am not saying that everybody "should" engage in bisexual activities, and I won't repeat my sermon here. But I have to admit that making it with a woman would be fun for me – even though I have no intention of doing it; and I think most people would feel the same way, if they could eliminate their biases and their acquired inhibitions. For goodness' sake, at least dump the biases in your fantasies. Anyway, this was another good story. Ratings for "Laura's story" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Laid Aloft" by David Shaw (david@f-e-mail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557391978 The previous three stories had good plots plus hot sex. This one has a sort of neat idea plus hot sex. The basic idea is that the woman gets semi-kidnapped and taken by two construction workers to the top of a building that is under construction. There they fuck her and make her like it, and she rehashes a previous orgy while they have their way with her. I think lots of people will like this story – primarily guys who think they are God's gift to women and that women really need little more than a good hard penis to make them happy. I didn't hate this story – in fact I enjoyed the sexual descriptions and the notion of a person retelling a previous sex experience while engaging in a new one. But this is one is legitimately described as stroke material. As the preceding stories suggest, it's possible to have both a well developed plot and some good sex scenes. That's the kind of story I really enjoy. Ratings for "Laid Aloft" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "A Voyeur's Wife" By Tonytony3 (tonytony3@juno.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558067595 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117307 The basic premise of this story is that the husband likes the idea of his wife being with another man. At first she resists the notion, but then she goes out and flirts and eventually seduces a stranger, who bangs her most sweetly. My main problem with this story is that it expresses several of my "credulous assumptions" without a satisfactory explanation of why these assumptions {which I reposted at the beginning of this Issue} might hold true. I DO believe that it is possible that a couple might find it sexy to involve a third person (as in several other stories reviewed in this Issue). I just don't buy into the almost ritualistic way the husband and wife in this story embrace the notion and discover that it is a fulfilling experience. I think a person who already understood and accepted the fantasy that it would be really great to have one's spouse get banged by someone else would find this story a little too slow-moving, while the author deals with the pangs of conscience and taboos that militate against this sort of affair. On the other hand, non-aficionados are likely to be unconvinced that encourage the wife to stray would actually strengthen a relationship. On the whole, however, I think this is a plausible and good story – just not a realistic and wonderful one. Ratings for "A Voyeur's Wife" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "The Kissing Game" by Felix Phile ( felixphile@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557501276 The teenage boy camps out while he attends art school during the summer. He meets some other kids, and they play a silly kissing game. However, one of the girls is more interested than the other kids, and he experiments more blissfully with her. Then they part. I don't think I have seen other stories by this author. If this is a first attempt, it's good. I would recommend that the author (1) focus on developing more tension between the participants (e.g., a reason for doing things and possible dangers that might be incurred) and (2) refraining from irrelevant details that seem to have arisen as part of a more complex plot that was cast aside (e.g., the sister's role in this story). Ratings for "The Kissing Game" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Trust" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@pdq.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512 This story pursues the relatively familiar plot of a woman wanting to become the mistress of someone other than her husband – but with lots of unusual twists. Basically, the woman wants to become the mistress of her powerful and wealthy employer. He will be allowed to have sex with her whenever he wishes and to loan her out to his friends, and she will bear three children for him over the next six years. In return she and her family will receive lots of money. But the real driving force for her is the sex – or maybe the sense of power that comes with it. The title refers to the fact that the husband will have to "trust" her if she engages in this project and to the "trust" money that she will receive for her participation. As I said, the story has lots of twists beyond this basic plot, and I am not going to try to explain them here. I found this to be a very creative story. Ratings for "Trust" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character):10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "A Six Pack of Hecate" by Katie McN (katiemcn@my-deja.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512 Katie and Hecate get together at Katie's place in Texas and have some raucous FF sex. There's also a lot of humor – mostly inside humor, and I was on the outside. The title line says this a parody, but I had a little trouble figuring out what it was a parody of – sex stories, I guess. Anyway, this is tongue-in-cheek sex. The author depends a lot on extensive descriptions of what the protagonists are wearing, and I didn't find those descriptions to be all that interesting. There were also a lot of fictitious details about the beer production and fashion industries that went right past me. With all of the above working against this story, it must have done something right for me to give it a "6" for appeal to reviewer! Ratings for "A Six Pack of Hecate" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Sister Mary Margaret" by Katie McN (katiemcn@my-deja.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947088 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947093 Mom and Dad go away and leave Sister Mary Margaret in charge as chaperon of seventy-five 13- and 14-year-old boys and girls. The main entertainment for the evening is a hypnotist. Sister MM knows that hypnotists are all frauds; and in order to expose him, she offers to let him try to hypnotize her. What do you think is going to happen? It's pretty juvenile sex humor, as the whole gang plays Bang the Nun slowly, quickly, and every which way they can before shipping her off to Australia as a sex slave. The author has a breezy style that makes the story a lot better than I have made it sound above. Ratings for "Sister Mary Margaret" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Dress Rehearsal" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947088 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115483 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554133822 Amber Hall is an actress in a prime time television series. As is the custom on American TV, the writers have decided to have the protagonist do a girl/girl kiss during sweeps week, in order to enhance the show's ratings. Unfortunately, Amber doesn't know how to kiss another woman in a way that would bolster the ratings. Enter Heather, the waitress at the diner, who happens to be skilled at the very talent at which Amber is deficient. If you think there is going to be a tutorial and that everything will cum out all right in the end, you're on the right track. As has often been the case in recent months, this is the best story Ann Douglas has ever written. But dammit, Ann, fix the punctuation, so that I can give you straight 10's! Failing that, somebody oughta contact Ann and offer to fix it for her. Ann's most frequent mistake is a relatively minor technical matter. She ends declarative sentences within quotation marks with a period. She should use a comma inside the quotation marks, and then put the period at the end of the sentence that contains the quote. For example, the following sentence is punctuated correctly: "I've never had sex with a girl, but I've thought about it," Amber said, as she draped her arms over Heather's shoulders. Ann has a strong tendency to replace the comma after "it" with a period. This is especially distressing to English teachers, librarians, actuaries, and legal secretaries, whose lives are already fucked up badly enough without adding the stress of dealing with extra periods in the middle of the erotic stories they read when they sneak off to the restroom, where their students or bosses watch them masturbate or urinate through holes that they have drilled in the walls. There is a misplaced modifier in the preceding sentence, but I am leaving it there for humorous effect – although some of these people possibly do cause ocular discomfort to their students or bosses by urinating through holes in the wall. An interesting aspect of this story is that Ann brings her main characters to Scarlett's Rose, a FF nightclub that has been the main topic of one of Ann's stories and to which many of Ann's characters have come in her most recent stories. My favorite aspect of this story is the sexy way the author handles interracial sex. She focuses on the personalities of the two lovers and on the physical beauty of the blend of colors as their bodies melt together. This part of the story is an excellent study in contrasts. I mention this because most stories that are labeled "interracial" are something quite different. For example, today I saw a story entitled "Dawn, The Nigger Bride (M+F/incest/NC/Slut/Mind Control/Older Black Woman and Younger White boys, etc, etc, etc.)." It's sometimes rash to make such decisions without reading the story more completely than I did, but I suspect "Dawn" lacks some of the interracial beauty and sensitivity found in the present story. Ratings for "Dress Rehearsal" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "1998 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament" by Daphne Xu. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554054610 When I started reading this story, I was afraid it was going to be a really long waste of time. I mean – gimme a break – maybe 2000 words or so on a cunnilingus orgy, but 22,000 words? No way. Actually, it was a very good story. It wasn't one that I "couldn't put down" – but that was because I hadn't had breakfast yet the day I read it. Shuming Zhao, our protagonist, is a college student from China. Like most Chinese women, she is studying computer science at a major American university. She resents the stereotype that Oriental girls are generally known to be lascivious temptresses of decent, wholesome, Christian men. She sets out to dispel this myth in the best way she knows how – by entering the 1998 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament. The author presents the Tournament as an authentic interscholastic event, in which wholesome young men and women from the finest colleges in America cum together competitively. Imagine that. I am not going to try to make my review proportionate in length to that of this story. Suffice it to say that the author's pseudo-serious style does an excellent job of bringing us a spoof that is also sexy. The story deals with the numerous practical problems that would occur if such an event actually took place: where to have the tournament (I would have preferred Alumni Hall), how students would feel about having great cunnilingus with a partner never to be seen (because of the blindfolds), what to do if one couple is going into double overtime when the next round absolutely has to start now, how to handle the problems that arise when the final round conflicts with church services, what to do if the partner with whom you win the tournament is your little brother, etc. Ratings for "1998 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Lunchtime Confessions" by OneIdleHand (OneIdleHand@hotmail.com). Hayley and Lori get together at lunch and talk about things. First it's common interests, then it's sex, then it's sexual fantasies. They trade notes, pictures, and videotapes. Eventually they get together with their husbands and play strip poker. This sort of plot can become really juvenile, but the author avoids this pitfall by integrating some interesting ideas into the story line. For example, when the gang gets together for fun, the guys have no idea how much their spouses have already shared about themselves and their husbands. This builds sexual tension very nicely. Strip porker – er, poker – stories are often really lame. However, in this case the author does an excellent job of maintaining sexual tension. It's not quite in the category with Delta's "Strip Chess," but even being mentioned in a paragraph with that story should be considered an honor. Ratings for "Lunchtime Confessions" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Le Chateau" by alf (firmament32@hotmail.com). Reviewed by Homer Vargas (Vargas111@yahoo.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558824565 I hope I don't spoil the story for anyone by telling you that the narrator has a good meal, a blowjob, and a fine fuck all from Michelle, the waitress at Le Chateau. Considering how little plot the story has, I do not understand why the author could not at least keep his verb tenses straight. But that wasn't the only thing I could not understand. What was the double entrendre in "tres bon?" Why was Michelle's room lit by a single candle? Couldn't she afford Electricite de France? What ARE those "amazing PC [politically correct?] muscles" that she squeezed with. Where did the author learn to write dialogue like "oui... fuck me!!" Berlitz School of Poetry? Where did the author learn anatomy to share gems like, "My cock goes deep into her throat. Her esophagus milks my head as her tongue dances over the underside" and "With that encouragement I drove my shaft deep into her and nudged her uterus with the tip of my cock." I believe this is called a "stroke" story. Usually this means that the reader can keep one hand busy while tapping the down arrow with the other. In this case, I think the author tried to the same trick while composing. I hope it worked better for him than it will reader. Athena 5 Venus 4 Homer 3 "Alarms and Excursions" by Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com). Guest review by Silenus. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=546983880 This is a story by an English person, written in fairly good English. My antennae detect all kinds of genuineness here. There is a glossary explaining difficult English slang like "knackered" and "York" (the latter being a very small city in a very small country in the north-west corner of Europe): such careful, apologetic didacticism is absolutely typical of the English and not - so far as I know - of other, less post-Imperial English-speaking nations: so I think we may take its English provenance as genuine. I hope charming, too, as when the author explains "knackered" by reference to a knacker's yard - all clear, now, to you chaps in Mysore, San Luis Obispo, Alice Springs? Good, onward then. The scenario is a hotel fire alarm: the guests, elderly in the main, are being chivvied - gently clucking in their quiet, understated British consternation, and hilarious, inelegant British night-clothes - out on to the hotel lawn by unflappable, courteously officious hotel staff who clearly have not the foggiest notion of what is happening, and who suddenly find themselves on an impromptu stage before an involuntary and extremely skeptical audience, required to act the part of stiff-upper-lip Captain of the Titanic, and are just having to do the best they can. Their composure becomes a little strained when they are upbraided by an angry and rather splendid young woman who demands that blankets be produced to keep some of the elderly guests warm. Ladies and gentlemen, I have been involved in several typically British fire alarms and it is abundantly clear to me that the author has too. Ten out of ten for genuineness here. The story is told in the first person by a pleasant, slightly bland male who is a fairly keen observer; reasonably enough, he soon finds the Splendid Young Female a more than adequate object for his observational powers, both because of her physical allure and her fiery temperament - nicely portrayed - which he hopes bespeaks a passionate nature. When, as is entirely customary among the English, the fire alarm proves to be the result of malfunctioning equipment, the SYF discovers that her arousal, at first because of fear, has transmuted into a tremendously un-English lebensfreude - she is glad to be alive, and intends to celebrate that fact. That she chooses our delighted narrator as her willing victim is a slight improbability (repeated, I fear, in countless bedrooms up and down our benighted land while the winds howl and the rains lash outside); the improbability is ultimately explained, but I won't spoil the surprise here. Suffice it to say that our narrator adores her with reverence, enthralled by her beauty, delighted by her sensuality; his own climax is almost an irrelevance, a little act of tribute. And then, after the sublime... Oh my Gawd, two naughty children in the hotel grounds in the middle of an English city struggling to get dressed and cover up the mess and get back to being British again. Oh my Gawd... In summary: the atmosphere is convincing, the male narrator bland, the female protagonist much more alive and interesting - just right. And the male narrator was damn lucky, if you ask me. [So, you want scores - numbers, marks out of ten. Five is acceptable, six is good, seven is promising, eight is impressive, nine has flair, ten is beautiful. Four is weak. Three is embarrassing. Two is infuriating. One is pitiable. Zero is an insult.] Use of English: 6. Realism: 8. Style: 5. Eroticism: 6. Appeal of the Author to the Reviewer: depends on her sex. If female: 9. "The Great Jacko" by DrSpin (DrSpin_member@newsguy.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=548716038 The tone of this one is really pretty odd. I guess if you're looking for a very funny wife-cheating story then it's a good one. But it's so hard to take it seriously that you wouldn't call it a crowning achievement or anything like that. But you should read it if you're a fan of "naughty wife" stories. The concept is that our dear Margie gets introduced to the Incredible Jacko. The hype around this guy is built up in Stone Cold Steve Austin style (or at least a style vaguely mocking that...), and he purports to be the Cassanova to beat all others. A well-endowed hunk that makes all women melt and beg for it. In a lot of stories, you might have hubby giving permission for Margie to play around, or something of that nature. In a way, hubby seems to be aware of the possibility, given Jacko the Great's incredible history (which, incidentally, is not well fleshed out). It would have been nice to know exactly what makes Jacko's exploits SO great, and exactly how hubby even knows this guy ... who is portrayed more as a movie star than an old friend. Oh well. But we don't have to worry much about hubby in this one; he gets laid up in a car accident early on, and that takes care of that. Margie is free to be free, for a while at least. Good thing she's conflicted about it, or there wouldn't be much of a review to write. Jacko indeed does need to put the moves on in order to get there. The part is nicely done, and Margie has an excellent moment of resistance where she can't imagine that Jacko will really want her. In a way, she is putting the moves on HIM, playing hard to get. She's worried her breasts are too small. Then things go off the deep end a little, as they finally get down to it. There are extended running jokes through the whole tryst which liven things up, and make it hard to take the whole thing too seriously. I'm going to assume that the author is sort of making fun of himself and the whole genre. Otherwise the story just seems pretty weak to stand on its own, to be honest. Let me get on my soapbox for just a sec, tho... Y'know I'm getting a little tired of the cliche where the husband or the wife is conveniently swept out of the picture by a car accident, death, or business travel. Surely we have other means of dealing with the spouse than this. I really wouldn't care that much expect for the fact that more often than not the stories veer immediately toward activities that the offed characters would have disapproved of. Now in some stories this is actually THE POINT. And in that case, great... I expect that real emotions, conflicts, and motives will be discussed so we can understand the characters. But doing it out of a matter of convenience, to sweep someone under the rug says a lot about us... And this story had a way of doing it that was almost mean-spirited - EVEN THOUGH we never get to know the hubby well enough to even find out if he's not satisfying Margie or not. OK, enough ranting. Basic rundown: thumbs up for laughs, not bad for sex, but not over the top eit her. The seduction sequence was well done. "Games" by Tonytony3 (tonytony3@juno.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=561283859 [Side note: I was glad to get this story from Celeste for a guest review because I had actually read it already and liked it!] I highly encourage you to read this story. It will appeal to both sexes and is well written. First let me say that tonytony3's stories have been getting better and better over time. With this entry, I would say he's near the top of the game with his craft (which is generally of the "MMF wife sharing" brand). The premise has been revisited by many authors: roleplaying a hooker fantasy with the wife, in hopes of getting her to be more slutty. Here we get a series of "hooker" encounters between a man and his wife that continually escalate in intensity. The ante is ratcheted up each time with just the right amount of volume, and all the details are added in just the right places to make it stick together. Personally, I think the hooker fantasy is a pretty hard one to work with because it means the author has to delicately balance the line between the wife's "good girl" side and the hooker's "bad girl" side. That is not an easy line to dance for a lot of writers. It is pretty easy to slip towards something unrealistic, or even unreadable. In this text, there are funny points, intermediate highs and lows, moments of disconcertedness, doubt, danger, pain, etc. I really wasn't expecting something this good... Bravo. -- If you enjoyed this work, take a moment to email the author. 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