Message-ID: <20700eli$9903210443@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Uther Pendragon Subject: ASSD Celestial Reviews 320 =?US-ASCII?Q?=96?= March 21, 1999 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.hetero,alt.sex.stories.moderated Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a Free Public Access Internet Service: http://www.nyx.net Our AUP / Free Speech Policy are at http://www.nyx.net/policies/ Direct complaints to abuse@nyx.net X-Post-Path: iris.nyx.net!anon584c@nyx10.nyx.net Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <921990958.56360@iris.nyx.net> X-Is-Review: yes This article is by Celeste801@aol.com. Uther Pendragon is merely posting it. Celestial Reviews 320 – March 21, 1999 Note: Two statues have been standing in a park for 100 years. They are a pair of young lovers, reaching their hands towards one another, not quite touching. They've been that way for 100 years, reaching out, but never quite touching. An angel flies over and takes pity on them because they've been reaching out for so long and never quite touching. The angel summons all his strength and powers and brings them to life. The angel tells them, "I have brought you to life, but I can only do this for half an hour. My powers cannot give you any more. But for that half-hour you may do whatever it is you've been wishing to do for the 100 years you've been there, reaching out to one another but never quite touching." The pair thank the angel and disappear into the bushes. There is much grunting, groaning, and rustling of leaves. After 15 minutes the couple re-emerge, looking very happy. "You've only used 15 minutes and I gave you half an hour," said the angel. "Why don't you go back and do it again?" "Oh, yes!" said the young man to the young girl. "Why don't we? But this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it." Second note: This week somebody sent me a couple of megabytes of stories that appeared during my hiatus, along with a note that I "really shouldn't miss these!" I looked at a few and immediately became very grateful. I'll try to catch up on them at the rate of a couple each week. I suppose Techguy may have to look harder to find a few of these Links, but it will be worth it. Third note: Miss Behavin' is helping coordinate the proofreading service. It's a very good idea to have someone read and reaader, or if you want to volunteer to help someone else, contact me or Miss B. Fourth note: If you are interested in writing an occasional review for Celestial Reviews, please contact me. I lost all the addresses of my previous reviewers in my Great Crash. Fifth note: Even though someone else is posting this for me, my address is still celeste801@aol.com. Blowjob Principle: My contribution to the world of which I am the proudest is my proclamation of the Blowjob Principle, which states, "If you ever want to get a second blowjob, you should do something to make the giver happy about having given you the first blowjob." These stories are blowjobs. If you want to keep on getting good stories, you should do something to make the authors glad they wrote the ones you have already read and enjoyed. You may find this hard to believe, but even really good writers like to hear from their audience. One of the best things you can do is send the author a little note that says, "I really liked your story because…." As far as I know, all the authors of the stories I review receive no compensation beyond the satisfaction of writing these stories, and your response can contribute to that satisfaction. The Blowjob Principle is applicable to all areas of life. For example, if your English teacher does a good job, she's more likely to repeat that performance if you make her happy that she went through all the trouble to prepare the lesson so well. So remember the Blowjob Principle: "If you ever want to get a second blowjob, you had better make the giver happy about having given you the first one." ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "The Beach Party " by The Devil in Blue Jeans (romance) 7, 6, 6 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455045580 "Full House: DJ & Stephanie" by HaRkOnIn (ff sitcom parody) 7, 6, 6 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453731462 "God's Great Plan" by Al Steiner" (humping the bible thumper) 7, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=442739134 "Genesis" by R. B. Morton II and C. L. Braxton (romantic rough love) 6, 5, 5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451095258 "Seeing Stars" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647452 "Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth" by Baird Allen (sex after vasectomy) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://baird.pair.com/baird/tenth02.htm "Archaeology" by Gordie (romance at the campsite) 8.5, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454493872 "From the Clay" by Adhara Law (sexy art) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647372 "That Long Distance Feeling" by Jordan Shelbourne (sci-fi sex) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409321597 "The Subtleties of Justice" by MichaelD (torture) 10, 9.5, 8 {For some reason we couldn't find a link for this story. Perhaps the author will repost it.} "Refreshment" by Prufrock54 (depraved reminiscence) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455809247 "Chaining the Master" by Adhara Law (bdsm) 10, 9, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409012951 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Touch Control by Artie (sexual technology). Homer: 9, 7, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435943076 "The Bet" by Jane Smith (betting on sex). Myers: 8.5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=448655250 "Colours of the Soul" by Crimson Dragon (bdsm psychodrama). BillyG: 10, 9, 9.5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417418670 "Proper PH" by Spunk N. Wagnels (sex club sex). Emperor: 9, 5, 5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610074 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610080 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610061 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610067 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610066 ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "The Beach Party " by The Devil in Blue Jeans (devilnbluejean@geocities.com). Web site: www.geocities.com/Paris/Cafe/5790/romance.html http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455045580 Beach parties can be sexy; and a story about a beach party could be really hot, even if the title line clearly says "no sex." This story is probably a lot hotter to the person who wrote it and possibly to the one person with whom he wants to share it than it was for me. The grammar and sentence structure are sometimes awkward and interfere with the emotions the author wants to convey. In addition, while sometimes giving extreme attention to minute details, the story still leaves too much to the imagination. The most basic question is this: in a newsgroup devoted to sex stories, what is gained by omitting all the sex in this romantic story? Ratings for "The Beach Party " Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Full House: DJ & Stephanie" by HaRkOnIn (harkonin@usa.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453731462 The protagonists in this story are characters in "Full House," one of those TV sitcoms in which cute little kids and adolescents argue with one another and solve life's problems as they move toward adulthood and the American Dream. The main problem with this story is that it comes across as the wishful thinking of a smart seventh-grade girl. The grammar and sentence structure aren't awful, but they don't really help much with the story. The sex between DJ and Stephanie is hot but unimaginative. Ratings for "Full House: DJ & Stephanie" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "God's Great Plan" by Al Steiner" (al_steiner@hotmail.com) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=442739134 Jason's closest childhood friend was Mike Tilden, whose father was a fundamentalist Christian whose specific religion I could not ascertain from the description of beliefs and practices in the story. Anyway, one day Jason goes to visit Mike, but he's not home; so Jason chats with Mike's mom. When she starts to breast feed Mike's baby brother, Jason tries to leave; but Mom insists that this is perfectly natural, and so Jason stays to watch. As she says, "There's nothing more beautiful than breast feeding a baby." So far we're fairly orthodox here. However, the baby drains only one breast, and Mom asks Jason to suck the other dry. Jason does his part. Noticing that Jason is uncomfortable, Mrs. T. asks him if he's ever seen a vagina before. Then she corrects that omission. I guess you can see where this is going. Pretty soon we're too the "You can fit more fingers than that in" stage. She explains that this is all part of God's great plan; but personally I think the devil made her do it! On a grammatical note, we have this sentence: "Trembling, my head filled with lust, I stared at her, reaching for the buttons on my pants." Amazingly, these participles are all used correctly – at least if Jason is trembling and Mrs. T. is reaching for the buttons. In fact, I think this exact sentence appears in the unexpurgated edition of Boswell's Life of Johnson. Back to the story. Mrs. T. interprets her activities with Jason as a sort of biblical scholarship – a sort of correction factor for her husband's extreme priggishness. This is nonsense, of course, but these tales of overcoming religious prudery are often quite enjoyable. Ratings for "God's Great Plan" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Genesis" by R. B. Morton II and C. L. Braxton (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com andteddibear@mindspring.com.) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451095258 This is the story of a relationship that begins with cybersex and continues into very passionate real sex. A lot of the action is very, very hot. But the storyline is very, very confusing. There is potential for a very good story here, but right now it simply doesn't make it. I am presenting the following analysis not to trash the authors, but to offer help to them and to others who have their own stories to tell. First, when verb tenses change, the reader has a right to suspect that events are happening at a different time. Not in this story. The authors change from past to present and back again for no apparent reason. This may sound like hypercriticism from an English teacher, but it's not. I think most readers will be annoyed by this flaw. I honestly don't understand why the authors didn't simply take the time to proofread the story and to straighten things out. Second, in addition to the problems with verb tense, there are numerous other grammar problems. Alone these would be minor annoyances. But they combine with other problems to seriously sabotage the story. Third, the action is sometimes chaotic. For example, within just a few sentences we have Lynn passing out while Ron is fucking her, then the two of them in bed, then Lynn masturbating while she is in her own car leading Ron back to the highway, then a reference to her having a threesome with two guys we never heard of, and then Lynn masturbating in the shower, relieving herself while she relives the day's events. All of this COULD make sense and be extremely sexy, but it came across to me as just plain confusing. Again, the authors should have cooperated with each other to make this joint effort become the sexy story that it could be. Fourth, the authors strike an improper balance between important and trivial details. They need to exercise better judgment in deciding when additional details make the characters more lifelike and when the details become digressions. Fifth, the story spends too much time at the beginning with a sort of psychological analysis based on generalizations rather than actions. For example, we are told by Ron that Ron is perceptive and trusts his instincts. Most readers would prefer to be SHOWN that Ron has these characteristics, rather than to have Ron tell us that he does. Finally, one thing I really don't understand in this story is the Ron's apparent distinction between a man having orgasms and ejaculating: "I've had God know how many orgasms without ejaculating and it's high time I got inside that tight hole of hers." What am I missing here? I thought the ejaculation WAS the man's orgasm. Within this narrative there is the basis of a really good story. However, it is clear to me that what the authors did was exchange email six or seven times, each time adding to what the other author said in his/her most recent message. It's obvious that "Lynn" lost interest in the story before "Ron" did, forcing the story to an awkward ending. What the authors have to realize is that they simply cannot expect to write a complete story by exchanging email like this. This strategy essentially defeats the purpose of joint authorship. If two authors are going to work together, they should interact with each other, suggest revisions for each other, and make adjustments to their own writing based on what the other has written or suggested. Authors who cooperate in this way can greatly enhance their own writing by tapping into the minds and souls of their partners. Failure to do so causes "cooperative" efforts to degenerate into stories that are substantially worse than they would be had they been written by a single author. Ratings for "Genesis" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Seeing Stars" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647452 While the narrator is in Charlotte watching somebody fix computers, he is constantly distracted by his memories of a budding relationship with a woman with whom he had had sex for the first time just before departing on this business trip. Since the sex on their first encounter had been so rushed and distracted, he's afraid they may not really be compatible, As soon as he gets back to Portland, he checks; and I'm pretty sure they are compatible. After a session of literally hot sex in an apartment without air conditioning, they retire to the countryside, where Dawn shares with our narrator her knowledge of the stars. You'll have to read the story to understand the full meaning of this sentence: "The middle of ... Sagittarius ... is also known as .... the Milk Dipper." As a cute touch, the author named the heroine Dawn, thus making possible this line: " I'd never seen anything like it. Nothing at all like Dawn coming. I used to have a nun for a teacher in the eighth grade who used to refuse to make comparisons among her students. "Comparisons are odious," she used to say. She was probably right. For example, there really wasn't much point comparing my tits to Barbara's, because her bazookas were odious. However, sometimes comparisons are useful, even though they may embarrass someone who is part of the comparison. That's why I am going to compare this story to "Genesis," which I reviewed just before this story. The main advantage this story has compared to "Genesis" is that this one follows a consistent point of view and employs a single writing style. In addition, it is free of distracting errors in grammar and verb tense. Those mistakes don't just arouse the wrath of English teachers; they give readers an opportunity to lose whatever natural momentum there is in the story. Ratings for "Seeing Stars" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth" by Baird Allen (baird@pair.com). http://baird.pair.com/baird/tenth02.htm This story appeared around the time my computer crashed at the end of 1998. Somebody recently sent me a copy with a suggestion that I take a look at it, and I am glad I followed that advice. This was a most enjoyable story to review. I don't want to ruin it for you; so I'll just say it's a romantic story about two normal but sexy people in love. Having said that, I'll comment on one realistic and one unrealistic aspect of the story. First the realistic part. Yes, it IS possible to give take the post-vasectomy sperm sample at home instead of having the man jerk off into a bottle in the doctor's office. I know this from personal experience. And the lab technicians are apparently quite capable of ignoring saliva when they do the analysis. Next, the unrealistic part. I think it would be flat-out unwise (I hate to use the word stupid) for a man to ejaculate a dozen times within two days of having a vasectomy. I am told there are men who go right back to work after their vasectomy, but I think the little soldier deserves some time to recuperate. I don't want to scare you guys, but my husband sat in front of the TV with an ice pack on his balls for a day after he got his vasectomy. He didn't mind, because I had worn him out up till an hour before the surgery; and he appreciated the time to recover. Then we were very gentle for a while. In addition, I'm not a sperm-count specialist; but I suspect that the repeated firing of Old Faithful would reduce the sperm count and give an artificially low test result. In other words, in the unlikely event that the flow had been reduced but not stopped by the vasectomy, the supply of sperm would be diluted by the repeated ejaculations, and the sample would register an unwarranted low count. This could defeat the whole purpose of the surgery. Having said that, I really can't deduct too much for this unrealism. After all, we suspend reality in a large number of the stories on this newsgroup. This was a really good, romantic, sexy story. Ratings for "Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Archaeology" by Gordie (GordonD103@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454493872 The husband and wife are an archaeological team. In the story they have very pleasant sex. However, some of the more interesting parts of the story occur during Emily's memory flashbacks to her more naïve earlier experiences with her husband. It seems that in those days she took a rather academic approach to sex, but she was a fast learner. If I were to offer this author some advice, it would be to use more dialogue and action in his flashbacks. Instead of telling us what they used to do (which is already interesting), show us. Ratings for "Archaeology" Athena (technical quality): 8.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "From the Clay" by Adhara Law (eros_dreams@hotmail.com) Author's web site at: http://asuwlink.uwyo.edu/files/Authors/Asta/wwwrte/adhara http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647372 The English lit major has signed up to be a nude model. The sculptor tries to bring her out by talking to her about Shakespeare, but then he discovers that a different kind of stimulation brings her to life more beautifully. This is the sort of urban myth that enables college girls to get more money from their parents by saying, "Well, I suppose I could earn a little extra money by modeling…." But it's also pretty hot stuff. Ratings for "From the Clay" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "That Long Distance Feeling" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409321597 The narrator is a repair technician for an asteroid smelting and launching corporation. The pay's excellent but, of course, the job entails six-month, solitary shifts out beyond the orbit of Mars. Heck, they don't even have sheep or camels out there. She (our narrator) gets horny out there, and she finds a companion a few hundred thousand miles away who happens to be a serial monosexual who is about ready to switch back to hetero. {The exact distance confuses me. I learned in high school that light travels 186,000 miles per second, and the time lag for transmission is five seconds for a round trip; so I think that's about 500,000 miles. It doesn't really matter. The point is, they exchange sexual pleasantries by long distance video transmission with a time delay.} At first our narrator is embarrassed and just masturbates offline. However, eventually they make arrangements for telesex. She puts on her humpsuit, and…. Well, it just doesn't work out. In addition to the time lag, there's a sort of Doppler effect, because they are moving apart at the rate about 165 meters per second, which in itself is likely to interrupt coitus. They find a solution, but I'll let you read about that. Ratings for "That Long Distance Feeling " Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "The Subtleties of Justice" by MichaelD (MichaelD38@aol.com). As the author states, this is a sad, depressing story with an unhappy ending and no heroes. He says it is vile, frightening, and occasionally revolting. However, the author also feels it is also one of the best things he has ever written. He points out that the codes for this story are M/F, F/F, N/C, B/D, S/M, W/S, viol, rape, scat, tort, snuff. He can't make it any plainer than that. You can't say you haven't been warned. Throughout the story, Weasel (actually, Wendy) is being tortured in horrible ways. However, that's not as awful as it sounds, because she deserves what she is getting. That's because she is being punished for the sins she herself has committed as a member of the Black Widows, a group of violent lesbians who wrought havoc wherever they went. The goal of her tormenters in prison is to punish her for her crimes against society. They are going to break her down to her basest essence. They are going to try to make her feel and understand the anguish and pain she has caused her victims. The people who run the prison grade their prisoners on a merit/demerit system. The lower Weasel's ratio of merits to demerits is, the worse her punishments are. She earn merits by displaying quick and eager compliance with her orders and responsibilities. She earn demerits by continuing to resist. Since some of the punishments involve sex organs, I suppose it's correct to consider this a sex story. Probably the most noteworthy characteristic of this story is that it holds the reader's attention: if you don't throw the story aside in disgust well before the end of the first chapter, you're going to find yourself coming back for more, even though it will make you sick. I might add that the sort of punishment described in this story has a chance of working only when the victims have no hope at all of ever retaliating. That's something I learned in Teachers College. If the victims have any chance of kicking your ass in revenge, you might as well try a strategy with a lower probability of side effects. All teachers learn this, and that's why our schools work so well. I really don't think some of the things that happen in this story are possible. It's sort of like a combination of A Clockwork Orange and Dante's Inferno. And although I found it to be a revolting but engaging story, I do NOT consider it to be among this author's best work. Ratings for "The Subtleties of Justice" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Refreshment" by Prufrock54 (prufrock54@my-dejanews.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455809247 This story is about a guy in a drunken haze who reflects upon what went wrong with his life. This might serve as a good "scared straight" story for guys who want to drink too much and then fool around with the little girl next door. The story is realistic and well written but depressing. It's kind of like reading those morbid existentialists we used to have to study back in World Lit. {Note that I did NOT make any reference to John Milton in the previous sentence.} Keep in mind that depression is not all bad: vicarious downs can make the real-life ups feel higher. I think Aristotle said that. Ratings for "Refreshment" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Chaining the Master" by Adhara Law (eros_dreams@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409012951 This is a very short (two-minute) story. It leaves a lot unsaid, but it gives an effective impression of how the one being controlled feels when she is really controlling the person who is controlling her. Ratings for "Chaining the Master" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Touch Control by Artie (artie@netgate.net). Guest review by Homer Vargas. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435943076 I love voices. Even a story with no plot is fun if the storyteller's voice is engaging. Artie's is. I am playing a little game with myself. [No, not *that,* you dirty-minded people.] After only about a page, when I have no idea of the plot, I "scored" this story. Let's see if by the end I either change my tune or have evidence to convince someone else. Required plot summary: An Indian woman, having kicked out her arranged live-in boyfriend, (the times, they are a-changin') has an idea for an improved vibrator and goes online for help. The helper turns out to be a fellow commuter on the same Silicon Valley-bound bus she takes every day. Discussing, designing, testing, and re-testing the gizmo give the couple plenty, maybe too much, time to fall in love. I was a little confused by the exact geography of the joint testing positions, but the author seemed to know what she was talking about. I am afraid, moreover, you can get arrested for commuting like that on buses where I live. There were two instances of "it was him" in dialogue, but, people do say that. At one point there was some "jelly like coating" instead of "jelly- like coating." It's a sweet story, maybe too sweet for some tastes, and there is not much plot. At least a tiny bit of conflict could have made the story better, but as I predicted, "Even a story with no plot is fun, if the storyteller's voice is engaging." Add to Artie's voice a vivid sensory imagination -- I could smell the perfume on Elily's breasts -- and you have a great story or at least a great read. Don't read this one alone. Athena 9 Venus 7 (predicted 8) Homer 10 (predicted 9) "The Bet" by Jane Smith (jusstme33@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=448655250 The Brits sure know how to have a good time. Especially our female protagonist, who is a worldly girl who thinks a lot of her charms. And she's willing to stake a bet on her ability to attract a man. This story has a playful buildup of tension over the first segments that is equaled by a pretty good ending. It avoids most -but not all- of the cliches of "bet" type stories. That said, there are ways that this piece could have been better, and umm... tighter. Ever read a book or seen a movie that went on just a little too long, but was otherwise quite enjoyable? I must say, I really enjoyed the bulk of this story. However, the author tried to pack in too much at once in the final sequence, and lost a touch of momentum in the process. Also, at one or two points in plot, I had a hard time buying the dialog that was being served up. For instance, during a crucial early scene at a party, all the important players in the story are gathered around the punchbowl. One character discusses his ex-girlfriend's sexual prowess with a little too much advertisement to function as anything other than an overt plot adornment. Still, there's not much to complain about overall. This appears to be only the second story from this author to appear on a.s.s.m, and represents a worthy effort. I look forward to more of her work. Rating: 8.5 "Colours of the Soul" (MF, FF, cons, light bond, colours) by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com) Guest Review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417418670 At the very outset, whatever else I might say in this review, let me state that this story by Crimson Dragon, "Colours of the Soul," is a first-rate tale, well crafted, enchanting and touching. As is so often the case in a well-constructed, thoughtful story, there are more levels to the story than are evident at first blush. Therein lies the appeal and, as well, the confusion - the mystery if you will. The plot's simple enough. It touches on intimacy, surrender, control and fear of rejection as many do. More, it deals with the inevitable betrayal. Jamie, a college girl, is asked by her boyfriend Brian, "Have you ever been tied up?" She's secretly thrilled and admits that she has, "But he never tied me up without my clothes." The stage is set. The plot thickens a bit when her roommate Ellen later finds her bound naked in bed with a ball gag in her mouth. At this juncture, the story dives into darker currents and touches on Jamie's deep sense of shame and subsequently her fear of abuse, of rape. Brian, the cad, emerges as a self-centered, angry and manipulative young man who, short of rape, fulfills her worst fears. Ellen, her roommate, may have a pivotal role in this scenario, but it remains speculative. It is clear that Jamie's psychological resolution is rooted in her awareness of who Brain really is - a callow, indifferent and duplicitous youth. Jamie, I think, finds some substance within herself that allows her to own and finally express her anger. As with many well-crafted stories, it asks more questions than it answers. Still, it's not about a message so much as it is about feelings, about energy and yes, about "colour." Ratings for "The Colours of the Soul" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Proper PH" by Spunk N. Wagnels (spunknwagnels@hotmail.com). Guest review by Iron Emperor. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610074 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610080 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610061 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610067 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610066 Have you ever tried studying for a test for so long that it got to the point you had to read each sentence twice just to understand what that statement meant? Well, I have; and reading "Proper PH" had me feeling quite the same. The story is written in the second person perspective, and you all know what Celeste often tells about such stories - they're usually meant for someone specific to read and as such can't be enjoyed by everyone. I don't know if Spunk here wrote this story for someone in specific, but I'm pretty sure he didn't give it to someone for proofreading in advance for posting it. As it is I had a hard time trying to figure out the timeline of the story and who was talking to whom each time. The story tells us about a nightclub which tries to address an elite clientele by not being a strip club, but still be something very sexy on its own. The story is not arousing really, and there's hardly any explicit sex to it (just like the club itself, actually); so if you're looking for some stroke material, you should look somewhere else. Come to think of it, I would suggest that you postpone reading this story until the author rewrites it. The story has a good idea but needs to be rewritten in such a way that a person other than the author can follow it clearly. To number up my evaluation: Pandora (story codes) : lesbian theme (I can't find any better coding) Athena (technical) : 9 (and this is only for grammar) Venus (plot & character) : 5 (I couldn't much follow the plot/characters) Emperor (appeal to me) : 5 -- Uther Pendragon anon584c@nyx.net Most Pendragon stories may be found: http://www.fortunecity.com/victorian/austen/104/index.htm -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----