Message-ID: <20068eli$9902200426@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Apuleius of Madaura Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 316 - February 21, 1999 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-Id: <3.0.5.32.19990220172123.007c67d0@poboxes.com> X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 316 - February 21, 1999 Note: The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about 27 across. He finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, "What's a four letter English word, ending in U - N - T that men often use to refer to a woman?" The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn't even bother to look up. "*A*unt, your Holiness." The Pope didn't speak for a second. "Oh." He paused. "Do you have an eraser?" Note from Homer: As announced some time ago, a contest has been underway for stories "explaining" Celeste's absence from Celestial Reviews. In the end, five stories were entered. Five judges initially volunteered, but one dropped out. (Nick tried to drop out, too, because of a scoring mix-up and because he felt uncomfortable being both judge and contestant. I have included him anyway, because from the beginning I had announced that judges could compete.) I sent the stories to the judges without the authors' names attached, although several judges had strong opinions about whose material they were reading. Each judge rated the stories and I summed the scores. And the winner is JANEY for "Celeste Departs." The judges votes were as follows title Departs Why Withdraw Rosette Musings Author Janey David Homer Nick Vickey # 1 2 3 4 5 Judge Miles Naismith 1 5 2 4 3 Tiramisu 3.5 3.5 3.5 1 3.5 Miss Behavin' 2 1 3 4 5 Nick 3.6 4.8 2.4 3 1.2 Score 10.1 14.3 10.9 12.0 12.7 Many thanks to judges and contestants. My own judgment is that ASSM has several good new stories that perhaps would not have been written otherwise. I hope readers agree the contest was worthwhile. - Homer Celestial subnote: Here are the actual authors and Links for the contest stories (plus one other) that I reviewed in the last issue: "Celeste Departs" by Jane Uquhart (janey98@hotmail.com) {Celestial mythology} 9.5, 8, 9.5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444404597 "Why Did Celeste Go Away?" by BlueWords (bluewords@yahoo.com) {Celestial empty-nest syndrome} 9.5, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444883938 "Celeste Withdraws" by Homer Vargas {Celestial blackmail} 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444961860 "Rosetta" by Nick (nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk) {the power of a good story} 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444220816 "Celestial Musings" by Vicky Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com) {Celeste becomes a Muse} 10. 9.5, 9.5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=443222301 "The Problems of Utilitarianism" by Uther Pendragon {philosophical sex} 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435541794 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435541800 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435541806 Another note: Somebody sent me this update, and I think it's worth repeating: In case you haven't heard, Victoria's Secret put on an online multi-media lingerie show on Feb 3. There were two problems. 1) It was so popular, many people couldn't get on. 2) The video quality was so poor, many people couldn't get off. Final note: Several people have suggested that I (1) explain what my ratings mean and (2) get all the guest reviewers to use the same system. Suggestion (2) is a hopeless task. And besides, the reviewers really do pretty well. My advice to readers is to learn to live with the diversity. However, if I explain my own system, maybe my insights will inspire the reviewers, while illuminating my readers. I give each story I review three ratings: Athena for grammar and style; Venus for plot and character; and Celeste for the story's appeal to me. I adamantly insist that the numerical ratings are an oversimplification, and I encourage readers to rely more heavily on the narrative review of each story. I avoid the alphabet soup labels in my reviews, because I think these labels impel readers to select stories based on incidental features rather than the quality of the story. My ratings go from 1 to 10 - although I think I have given a zero on occasion. Before my hiatus about a third of the stories I reviewed were getting straight 10s. Because my return seemed like a good time for a break with the past, I have tried to "toughen up." It would be roughly accurate to say that I have subtracted 1 from what my old ratings would have been, except that really outstanding work still gets a 10. A nine is now an excellent story, and a 10 would be absolutely outstanding. I am still giving a lot of high ratings, but that's because I tend to avoid reviewing really bad stories. I look for good stories by good authors, and these stories tend to cluster around the high end of the rating scales. For example, the lowest rating I have given in this issue is a 4. However, I'm certain that there were worse stories out there this week - I just recognized them and avoided them. ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "Amazon Adventure" by Vicky Morgan {guy seduces sexy Amazon warrior } 9, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651338 "Ohio" by Mark Aster {random couplings} 10, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=424163689 "Ballbuster" by E.Z. Riter {bitch becomes sex slave} 9, 5. 4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441959914 "Valentine Delight" by Sympathy Brooks {sex with farmer's sexy daughter} 5, 4, 4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444540695 "Valentine Wish" by Prufrock54 {Valentine's Day romantic surprise} 9, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444883878 "Valentine's Day Story" by Suki {sexual chain of events} 8, 6, 6 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=442362465 "Happy Valentine Slave" by MC Writer {adolescent sex} 9, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=443222304 "Another Saint Valentine's Day Massacre" by TcklCurius {sexual titillation} 10, 8 ,7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444452156 "End of the Line" by Delta and Gordie {fugitive sex} 9.5, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=445316100 "Who'es-R-Us" by Rosa (rosa6262@yahoo.com) {surprise auction} 9.5, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/20014.txt "Dr. Quinn: Collen Gets Educated" by David Oberman {Nonsensical TV parody} 5, 4, 2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19985.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19976.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19984.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19979.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19978.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19986.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19982.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19980.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19981.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19983.txt "The Physics Lesson" by Allison George {sexy science} 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19971.txt ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "The Garden" by Monocle {sex with the gardener} Apuleius: 8, 8, 8 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19267.txt "Summer House" by Marmot {romantic folk tale} Apuleius: 9, 7, 7 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18594.txt "Journal Entry - When I was Fifteen" by Sasha Stephens {teen girl diary} Phil 9, 8, 5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18781.txt "A Different Adventure in Babysitting" by Unknown (m/F - teen, lactation) Dave 8, 7, 10 "Tenderness for a Rebel with a Cause" by Jan Vincent (f/f romance) Nick 8, 9, 9 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19210.txt "Little and Large" by Phil (M/f? stroke, size) Nick 8, 8, 6 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19239.txt "Kristianna" Series by ArtaDeux (pedo series) Miles 7, 7, 3 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19486.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19536.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19561.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19682.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19731.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19732.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19747.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19748.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19749.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19764.txt "User Centered Design" by artie (MF, rom) Jean 9, 9, 9 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19288.txt "Moon" by Leanna (f/f teen romance) Rosemerry 9, 7, 7 http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/2194/ http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344507601 http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345132417 "Sorry" by Vickie Morgan (music video vignette) Rosemerry 6, N/A, 5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19383.txt "Charlie's Angel" by Alden Bradley (MF Romance) Rosemerry 6, 6, 6 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18782.txt "Into the Maelstrom" by lcdrjmc@aol.com (Lesbian slut seduction) Rosemerry 5, 3, 0 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19383.txt "Storytime" by Spoonbender (satire) Rosemerry 8, 9, 7 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18727.txt "Deliberate" attributed to Deirdre (anal seduction) Roger Raccoon 10, 10, 10 http://x15.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=244320337 "Valentine Wish" by Prufrock54 {poignant romance} Fiddler: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444883878 "The Physics Lesson" by Allison George {sexy science} Fiddler: 9, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19971.txt ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "Amazon Adventure" by Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651338 The Amazon warrior gets hot just being in the presence of the Man who has been captured by the tribe. So she is not really upset when he screws her. There are a lot of loose ends in this story. About all they do is become attracted to each other and copulate. If the Amazon warriors had a union, that group would object to the stereotypical treatment of even the greatest of female warriors as a mere plaything who becomes putty in the hands of the right man. Of course, the Metaphor Police would get just a little upset at my mixed metaphors in that last sentence. The story has a surprise twist at the ending. The author says in her disclaimer that she just rushed this one together, and it shows. It's not a bad story; but there are a lot better stories in this newsgroup - several of them by this very same author. Ratings for "Amazon Adventure" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Ohio" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=424163689 This author has written over 70 stories, most of them about Pat and Julie Allen and the unobtrusive Hero who services their needs and tells their stories. It's difficult to evaluate any one Allen Sisters story in isolation from the others. I suspect a person reading this one with no knowledge whatsoever of the other stories would be disappointed. It starts nowhere and goes nowhere, with a little bit of sex in between. It's disjointed and contains references to characters and events that are not developed in this story. That would be a false impression. If you already know the Allen Sisters, read this as an addition to their saga. It's not the best story in the lot, but it's good to see them back in action anyway. If you're new to the Allens, take a look at http://users.aol.com/myfrthal/ before you write this author off. You won't be sorry. Ratings for "Ohio" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Ballbuster" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441959914 "I expect you to be here at seven. Dress is casual. And, bring me flowers." That's how Ellen asked the narrator for the date, and that's why her nickname was "Ballbuster." Our narrator agrees, but only if she will be his sex slave for two weeks. Have you ever seen that Robert Redford movie called "The Horse Whisperer," where the guy tames even the wildest of horses without laying a violent hand on them. Well, our narrator does NOT use that method. He whips Ellen into shape, and she likes it. He makes her the happiest, sexiest woman in the world by saying that he will marry her and spank her whenever he thinks she needs it. The whip and the chain with which he leads her around the house are merely symbolic of the love he must demonstrate by keeping her in her place. Or something like that. Popycarp! I've been away for a while, and so I suppose people may be missing my lectures. The world is full of men who think there are women worth having who want to be treated like this guy treats Ellen. OK - if you say so.. This story may appeal to people who already buy into this happy-sex-slave notion, but I'm not even sure of that. For those of us who assume that real romance is actually an interaction between two (or more) people who care for and respect each other, this story is likely to be unsatisfying. I mean, I think it's wrong to chop people up and bury them under the floorboards or to wall them up in a cavern beyond the wine cellar, but I can still enjoy the stories of Edgar Alan Poe. that's because he gives a rationale for the actions of his characters - they happen to be insane. I also refrain from adultery, but enjoy stories of hot adulterous seduction if the stories give me a believable rationale. This one just expects me to believe that a ballbuster bitch will become a submissive sex slave for no apparent reason - and will beg for more. Sorry. I'm unconvinced. Bondage stories can be sexy, but this one did not make it for me. Ratings for "Ballbuster" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Valentine Delight" by Sympathy Brooks (sympathy@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444540695 I'm a glutton for seasonal stories. So when I several three stories with the word "Valentine" in the title, I decided to review all of them. These are late for Valentine's Day {Feb 14}, but they are in time for Chinese Valentine's Day {Feb 23}. This first story is about a guy named Valentine. I never heard of a guy named Valentine. However, I understand that Johnny Cash once wrote a song called "A Boy Named Valentine," but somebody at Folsom Prison talked him into changing the title to "A Boy Named Sue." "Hello stranger, what can I do for you?" That's the best part of the story. Val's car broke down in the middle of nowhere. He looks for help and has sex with the farmer's daughter, whose name is Symp, which is short for Sympathy. This is not exactly one of those stories you would like to share with a loved one on Valentine's Day. Buy her a box of chocolate candy instead. Ratings for "Valentine Delight" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Valentine Wish" by Prufrock54 (prufrock54@my-dejanews.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444883878 Our Hero has decided to give his lover her wish for Valentine's Day: a simultaneous orgasm. She's in the mood, since she greeted him at the door when he returned from work, wearing nothing but an apron with the words "FUCK THE COOK" written on it. {I dangled my participle in that last sentence, just to give you a chance to warm up your grammatical instincts. I find that grammar rules are good for promoting simultaneous orgasms. If I'm ahead of my husband, I can just think about intransitive verbs, and he catches up with me in no time. Kinda like the hare in Zeno's first paradox.} She has decided to put some spice back into their sex life. She offers him a choice between rosemary and thyme." He decides on some time with Rosemary." Rosemary must be her name. At this point, I started to become confused. While the guy was fucking his wife on Valentine's Day, he was obviously watching a tape about him and his wife fucking on the previous Valentine's Day. But the timing was screwed up. I had trouble telling which day was which. Heck, I thought, maybe he'll come simultaneously with her while they watch themselves come simultaneously on the screen. With any luck, I might come with them! However, as I continued reading and arrived at the final few paragraphs, I realized the author had imposed the confusion on me intentionally. I'll admit it. The author caught with a surprise ending. I would add that the ending is poignant, but that might run the risk of ruining it for you by letting you anticipate the climax, so to speak. It's a good story. I think the timing could be refined a little and the imagery could be a little richer. But it's a good story. Ratings for "Valentine's Wish" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Valentine's Day Story" by Suki (suki@fish.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=442362465 The author purports to be telling a "true story." A lot of people lie when they say that, but this one has the ring of authenticity. However, I'm not sure that's good. The previous story {"Valentine Wish" by Prufrock54} was a short story that built to a climax . This one is too much a narration of "true" events. She dresses up; he ties her up; they perform bondage rituals, etc. The apparent truthfulness gives the story a certain charm, but I couldn't help wishing that the author would have taken the time to develop this into an actual story. Ratings for "Valentine's Day Story" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Happy Valentine Slave" by MC Writer (mc_writer@hotmail.com.) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=443222304 Clarence is one of those fairies who help Cupid out when he gets overworked around Valentine's Day. His first job is to get Sandra Collins (a snobbish cheerleader) into the sack with a plain 16-year-old boy named Timothy Randall - of whose existence Sandra is initially unaware. Well, Clarence drills Sandra with an arrow, and then Sandra essentially rapes Timothy in the girls' locker room to the delight of the voyeurs from the girls' volleyball team. Sandra's insensitivity turns Timothy off. Clarence gets a little tipsy from drinking earth beer, with which he is unfamiliar, and he keeps shooting arrows into Sandra, who becomes Timothy's sex slave, which makes them both really happy. It's apparently easy to ignore a snobbish cheerleader's insensitivity when she becomes your sex slave. To top it off, Clarence gets the barmaid to go for the bartender. Everybody's happy, and all's well that ends well. The plot comes across as a adolescent adventure, with one event piled on top of another. But then, this story is SUPPOSED to be an adolescent adventure. If you like stories that fit the description outlined in my summary, you'll probably like this one. If you need more authentic plot development, you may want to look elsewhere. Ratings for "Happy Valentine Slave" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Another Saint Valentine's Day Massacre" by TcklCurius (TcklCurius@aol.com>). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444452156 For those readers who live in Europe or Borneo, it might be helpful to point out that the label "Saint Valentine's Day Massacre" was first applied by the press to the events that transpired on February 14, 1929, when Al Capone - the most famous of American gangsters - arranged for several members of an opposing gang to make an immediate departure from the Vale of Tears known as human existence. The picturesque term has also been applied metaphorically to many other events that have occurred on subsequent February 14's. For example, should the lads from Columbia defeat the Harvard basketball team by more than three points on February 14, the Harvard newspaper would almost certainly refer to this as a Saint Valentine's Day Massacre. In this story, nobody actually dies. It's a metaphor - a hyperbole, to be more exact. The victim of this slaughter has been cyberspacially unfaithful to his lover, whose gender is not actually disclosed to us until the end of the story. In revenge, the lover inflicts on him a circus of sensuous people who tantalize, tickle, grope, and generally drive him out of his mind. Bugsy Moran's guys would have been glad to have gotten off so easily . The descriptions are vivid. Although the story wasn't really a turn-on to me, it certainly did hold my attention. Ratings for "Another Saint Valentine's Day Massacre" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "End of the Line" by Delta (Delta@nym.alias.net) and Gordie (GordonD103@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=445316100 Martin's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Instead of the farmer's daughter, a beautiful babe on a motorcycle stops to offer help. Instead of giving him a blowjob, she goes into down and sends help back. Ya gotta admire the authors' restraint! It's gonna take about two hours for help to come. According to a magazine article I read recently, the average man will have about 125 dirty thoughts in that amount of time. Many of them about babes on bikes. Actually, Martin has just one dirty thought; but it's a long one that ends only when the tow-truck driver comes - er, arrives - and stimulates a new dirty thought. It turns out that Martin has stumbled into a sexy version of Mayberry RFD. Christie - the babe on the bike - is the Sheriff of the town, which is called End of the Line. Mary Jo, the tow truck driver and mechanic, is a close friend of Christie's. A very close friend. They extend small-town hospitality to Martin, who turns out to be a man on the run from the Big City. Martin is a better than average guy, at least according to that magazine article I mentioned earlier. Actually, it's hard - er, difficult - to keep one's mind off the topic of sex when the mechanic with whom one is having a conversation in the bar appears to be playing footsie with the sheriff under the table. I suppose people should fall in love after a lengthy courtship or after they discover their philosophical similarities on the Internet, but a nice smile and hard nipples against a tight tee shirt and the vague feeling that a threesome's out there in the wings can simplify matters to speed up the plot in a short story, especially if the girl is a playful blonde who is good with tools. So the plot thickens. Martin is wanted by almost everyone - the FBI, a gangster with a baseball bat, his wife - and by Mary Jo, who is wanted by the Sheriff, who is the person putting all the clues about Martin together. Things are harder than they first seemed.. But Martin's actually a good guy, and everything comes out all right in the end, if you know what I mean . Apparently there is something going on in the Newsgroup called a Story Swap, with two authors collaborating on various stories. This approach is often referred to as a "whipsaw" - one person writes something and then ships it off to the cyberpartner, who continues the story, and so forth. Whipsaw stories are usually pretty bad - mostly because their main purpose is to talk about cute things while the authors jerk off - which is not to say that that's a bad thing! The problem is that the usual result is a story that has little appeal to anyone other than the two authors. This one is different. The authors have taken the time to revise and integrate their work, and the result is a genuinely good story. The story is not perfect. I haven't read any of Gordie's solo work, but some of Delta's other stories are among the best I have ever read. This one comes up just a little short. If I had to pin it down, I would say there's a lack of logic or continuity surrounding the bondage sequence at the end of the story. But it's still a darned good story, and I strongly recommend it. Ratings for "End of the Line" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Who'es-R-Us" by Rosa (rosa6262@yahoo.com). http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/20014.txt One of the real joys of writing these reviews is to stumble across a really good author whose work I have never seen before. This was a wonderful story. The narrator goes shopping at a small shop run by a young and beautiful black woman (Yvonne) from Jamaica. Since the narrator's boyfriend (Randy) is concerned about the safety of a pretty white woman in a "bad" black neighborhood, he comes along, even though shopping is a big turnoff to him. Before we know what's happening, Yvonne is selling her customer some ultra sexy lingerie and flirting outrageously with Randy and auctioning off our narrator. This is not as bad as it seems, since the three of them are the only ones in the store; but then Yvonne bids against Randy and wins the auction. Now what why would a sexy black chick want to buy a na‹ve white chick while her boyfriend is just standing there with his tongue hanging out? Eventually, the three of them go at it; and it warmed my pussy to see this plot unfold. Aside from some minor typos, the only thing that bothered me about the story was its title. How are we supposed to pronounce it? What does the apostrophe in the first word mean? I suppose the first word is a contracted form of "whores," but I've never seen anyone spell it this way. Maybe it's an Okie thing. One thing I really liked about this story was the interracial motif. Almost all stories labeled "interracial" on this newsgroup focus on the immensity of the black man's cock and the white woman's urge to be filled by it. This story didn't go there. Yvonne's blackness {like her Jamaican accent} is an important part of her beauty and of her sensuality. As the story unfolded in my mind's eye, the white cock really did look beautiful easing in and out of Yvonne's mouth, alternating with the licks from his white girlfriend. The white jism that shot out of Randy's cock really did look sexy as it contrasted with Yvonne's black breasts with her erect nipples, just as the two woman almost brought me to climax when Yvonne thrust her fervent tongue into our narrator's mouth to recover some of the Randy's cum that had sought refuge there. Welcome to my life, Rosa! Keep on writing stories like this one! Ratings for "Who'es-R-Us" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Dr. Quinn: Collen Gets Educated" by David Oberman (d_oberman@hotmail.com) http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19985.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19976.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19984.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19979.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19978.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19986.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19982.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19980.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19981.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19983.txt [parts 11-12 not posted] This story has twelve parts. However, I have to admit that I read only the first part and then scanned the rest of this nonsensical narrative to make sure I hadn't judged rashly. Then I threw into my computer's trash can both this story and everything else I had downloaded by this author. This author's recent postings had some natural appeal. There's a genuine advantage to reading about "real" people: it's possible to imagine real faces (and other body parts) while reading about the character's sexual exploits. So I looked forward to reading about Dr. Quinn and Collen. {That should be Colleen, even though the author spelled it Collen in the title of each of the twelve separate parts.} When I finished with Dr. Quinn, I could go on to Shania Twain, and Xena, and who knows who else? However, the actions of the characters have little relation to the characters in the television series. This story is nothing more than a childish attempt to put really inane sex into the context of a television series. Here's what the author says in his disclaimer: This story is based on the characters from the ABC TV show, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. This is not meant as an infringement on their copyright of the series, but fulfills the fantasy of mature audiences only. (This story contains scenes of sex, rape, kidnap, gang-bang, lesbian, bondage and bestiality.) P.S. the use of the word negro is not meant to be derogatory in any way, but was part of the vocabulary of the time period this story unfolds in. If these topics disturb you in any way, do not read on. If on the other hand, you enjoy such situations, enjoy. <> Ratings for "Dr. Quinn: Collen Gets Educated" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2 "The Physics Lesson" by Allison George (allison_george@hotmail.com). http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19971.txt In the context of a physics discussion with her college roommate, Kate describes to Jenn her recent sexual escapades with John. I always considered fluid dynamics to be a dry subject; and I've waited for about 18 years to use that pun. I really don't know the accuracy of the author's explanation of Bernoulli's law in terms of the flow of and viscosity of a fluid within a narrow but recently expanded tubular conduit. In fact, I sort of skimmed that part, much as I did the last time I encountered Mr. Bernoulli. However, the incongruity of the juxtaposed topics and the interplay between Jenn and Kate supply a context that really livens up the story. The dissertation on dessert wasn't bad either. Fiddler also reviewed this story, and he found problems with it. I personally found the formatting to be excellent. That's probably because I had access to a Microsoft Word version of the story, whereas Fiddler was stuck with what he could download from the newsgroup. That's one of the perks of being a sex goddess. The author began each quotation with a dash. I have no idea why she did this - perhaps Bernoulli has a law that requires this. I thought it was kinda cute. In fact, I think I'll end this paragraph with one. - The problem with esoteric punctuation is that, like masturbation, it can easily get out of hand. When I download things from the newsgroups, I sometimes get so many little boxes and weird symbols that I have a great deal of trouble figuring out what the story's about. These distractions occur because many of the newsreaders convert the "high ASCII" characters {e.g., e's with acute accents, smart quotation marks, diereses} to strange symbols or simply omit them. My advice is to try to use characters that are as simple as possible, so that everybody will read what you think you wrote. For that reason, when I write these Reviews, I always spell fiance without the accent mark and naive without the little dots, even though I have to go back and take them out because this goddam automatic correction feature in Microsoft Word puts them in for me. Before I "go to press" I also try to remember to use the global change feature to convert all the "smart" quotes and apostrophes to ordinary straight-line versions. I suggest that other authors do likewise, and I encourage you to offer me suggestions if I am still messing up my formatting in any way. Ratings for "The Physics Lesson" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "The Garden" by Monocle Email: monocle_o@hotmail.com Review by: Apuleius I really enjoyed this story, for many reasons. Madeline, who is disillusioned with her husband's mechanical lovemaking, has passionate sex with the estate's gardener. That's all it is as far as the plot is concerned, but the story's strengths are in its details. One is the choice of names. Have you ever noticed how many ASS/M female protagonists have names like Stacy and Jenny? I don't know whether the author of this story chose "Madeline" for its old-world connotations (indeed, there is no indication of era in the story at all) but it is certainly distinctive. The sexual description is very good, with a skillfully handled rise in tension from the opening to the close. As might be expected in a story set in a garden, there are many passages concerning buds and petals opening, but in general the author avoids the worst cliches of "hot" prose (I recall one example of "velvet tunnel"). An unusual and enjoyable story. ~> Pandora (story codes/genre) MF rom nc? preg? / adulterous sex ~> Athena (technical quality) 8 ~> Venus (plot and character) 8 ~> Apuleius (appeal to reviewer) 8 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19267.txt "Summer House" by Marmot Email: marmot6@hotmail.com Review by: Apuleius Another unusual but good story. Alexandra Petrov and her Finnish boyfriend Laark have gone ice fishing, but become lost in a blizzard and seek refuge in a cabin. We all know what happens next. I felt this story could have been a bit longer (it's just over 10K). The initial stages of their lovemaking need more development; since we are told that it is Laark's first time, I would have expected this fact to be given a far greater emphasis than is described. The story has a certain whimsical, even comical, quality which is rather unusual, and the episode at the end would be bewildering to anyone not versed in Russian folk tales. I'll help with this final passage: "Baba Yaga" is a witch, who lives in a wooden house which sits on top of a chicken leg (!). She is mostly evil, but is known to do good deeds for those in distress, such as our protagonists. It's certainly her first ever appearance in a sex story. ~> Pandora (story codes/genre) MF rom (fant)/ romantic winter liason ~> Athena (technical quality) 9 ~> Venus (plot and character) 7 ~> Apuleius (appeal to reviewer) 7 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18594.txt "Journal Entry - When I was Fifteen" by Sasha Stephens (mf, teen) Email: november919@hotmail.com Web: http://151.201.20.17/november Review by: Phil This very short piece claims to be a true entry in the narrator's diary, and describes her losing (or rather gifting) her virginity at a tender age, and two later snippets of sex with John, the lucky recipient. It's poetically and sensuously written, with few errors, but too brief to induce a vicarious ecstasy in this reviewer at least. If it is true, November's introduction to sex was considerably more fun than most girls'. ~>Pandora (story code/genre) mf teen ~>Technical/grammar 9 ~>Description 8 ~>Erotic effect on reviewer 5 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18781.txt "A Different Adventure in Babysitting" by Unknown Review by: Dave437 This story hit me square between the eyes! Apuleius, how could you have known that it was about my wildest fantasy...............? The story was fairly well written, but lacked a little depth (not much). The characters would have been a little better if developed more and the scenes were good, but could have been expanded. Every man in the world fantasizes being back in the warmth of Mother's arms and suckling at her breasts. This is a universal fantasy, so men should enjoy the story quite well. I know from conversations with women that they also are sexually turned on by the suckling at their breasts. I have been fortunate enough to have done so myself in my 20's and I have to beg to differ at the author's description of the milk as sour (It is not....it is quite sweet). The thoughts of the teenage boy are quite normal, leading me to believe it was written by a young man. The introduction to sex, implied as the first time, was well described and pleasant. The story has a high "stroke" value, but isn't that what alt.sex.stories is about? Sherlock Holmes mysteries belong in another group. The eroticism is very good and I believe both men and women will enjoy it. Either sex can identify with the characters even though they are not strongly developed (or maybe because they are not). It rated very high in my view of eroticism. The sex is straightforward but not badly described. The missing romance, which I happen to like, does not detract from the story. It is reasonable to believe (women can lactate freely when they condition their bodies to do so, but I understand it is very difficult) and not a great deal of imagining is necessary to fantasize yourself in the story. It is fun, enjoyable, and nicely written. Overall I would rate is as an 8 out of ten. ~>Pandora ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 8 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 7 ~>Dave (Erotic Appeal to reviewer) 10 "Tenderness for a Rebel with a Cause" by Jan Vincent e-mail jan123@hotmail.com review by nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk This is a story about the developing relationship between two girls as they pass through school into adulthood. Rhonda is a popular "straight" girl who becomes entangled with Julie, the school rebel. The characters of both girls change as they grow and Rhonda becomes a singer songwriter for a rock band, while Julie, the independent rebel, ends up totally besotted with her. I found this quite a heartwarming story, with lots of subtle undertones that one could easily get lost in. Unfortunately I think it could have done with a different approach. The writer starts off by telling us that this is not "your typical ass/m story" in that she wanted to move people. I beg to differ in that there are plenty of ass/m stories that intend to move people. Moreover it is firmly rooted in the ass/m tradition of rampant and often unrealistic sex (although the two protagonists never actually get it together). I found it hard, therefore, to believe in the characters as real human beings, and this story required that. I was intrigued by the fact that the story coding included the words "smoking" and "rock band". I'm not sure about their use her, but it seemed odd that somebody might be turned on or squicked by the fact that the story included smoking and that there was a rock band in it. Still, it takes all sorts. ~>Pandora (F/F Romance) ~>Athena (Technique) 8 ~>Venus (Plot/character) 8 ~>Nick (appeal to reviewer) 9 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19210.txt "Little and Large" by Phil e-mail phil@xanadu2000.demon.co.uk Review by nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk This is a very short piece of stroke fiction written in first and second person. The "little and large" of the title refer to the size of the man's penis relative to the girls various orifices. Although it is not actually stated anywhere, this could therefore have some appeal for pedophiles. Its not at all bad though. The female character is affectionately drawn and there is a definite feel for a relationship between the two. Don't expect too much though. It is, as I've said, pure stroke, and it is very short. ~>Pandora (M/f? stroke) ~>Athena (Technique) 8 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 8 ~>Nick (Appeal to reviewer) 6 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19239.txt "Kristianna" Series, by ArtaDeux Email: ArtaDeux@aol.com reviewed by Miles Beginning with Kristianna's Bridge (1/?), ArtaDeux has begun a serial story that had reached part 10 by the time this review was due. More parts will follow. The story begins with a passing reference to the narrator/heroine finding and studying her grandfather's stash of porn at age ten. It then moves directly to her first blow job, given by a bridge at age twelve to a fellow twelve year old. The heroine initiates this act, having previously progressed only to kissing. She describes the feeling of the erection in her mouth as wonderful and dutifully swallows. The story then chronicles her successful experimentation with masturbation, her botched attempt to give up her virginity as a breaking up gift to the blow job recipient, her initially non- penetrative abuse by her mother's fianc‚, her loss of virginity at thirteen by rape, and culminates in her immediate voluntary copulation following the rape to make sure she still could enjoy sex. The heroine is not a happy camper in this series, and the sex seems perfunctory rather than pleasurable in the narration. The story is supposedly set in the early eighties, which would make the narrator late twenties in age, but the awkward constructions, misspelled words and grammatical errors would suggest a younger writer. I personally found that the progression of events and the stated reactions and thoughts of the narrator/heroine lacked credibility, sounding more like an adolescent fantasy than anything else. The writer purports to have spoken to many whose stories mirror hers, but I simply cannot buy it as written here. I am not a fan of pedo, but I can enjoy stories of children just coming into sexual maturity exploring in a manner consistent with their age, and I can recognize a well told tale even when I don't like the subject matter. I tried hard not to let my distaste for pedo-the-RL-act prevent me from enjoying this story, but I simply could not warm up to this series. I suppose a pedo fan with no RL children to compare to the heroine could interpret the lack of polish in the writing as a charming expression of artless veracity, and the abuse of the heroine as sexy rather than sad, but I could not make that jump. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) mf, Mf, oral, mast (pedo) ~> Athena (Technical and Grammar) 7 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 7 ~> Miles (Appeal to reviewer) 3 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19486.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19536.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19561.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19682.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19731.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19732.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19747.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19748.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19749.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19764.txt "User Centered Design" by artie (MF, rom) email: Review by: Jean Busy at work; so I'm afraid that I haven't devoted the time to this story or review that I should have done, but I enjoyed it. So I'm going ahead anyway to give it some publicity. The narrator is into electronics and occasionally puts together gadgets from requests he gets through newsgroups. The story concerns one particular assignment he takes on and the relationship that develops. I started it intending to read a few pages to get the flavour and found myself reading to the end. The writing is good enough to carry the interesting story line, and amicable characters makes it worth downloading. I think Artie posted a couple of other stories at the same time; I'll just go and see... ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF, Rom ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 9 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 9 ~>Jean (Appeal to Reviewer) 9 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19288.txt "Moon" by Leanna Email: leanna1@hotmail.com Review by: Rosemerry Two girls in love... what more can we ask for? This long and winding story opens with the hint that it will end in tragedy; if so, I haven't read the ending. Parts 1 through 6 are the tale of Janet and her friend Moon, both young and beautiful, both struggling with the difficulties of being bisexual in an intolerant world. The contrast between the beauty and tenderness of their affair and the ugly, sordid hatred that surrounds them is marked, poignant and well written. The story's plot seems to hang together up until this point, and the technical quality is good. I found the characterization reasonably good, at least with the main characters. The rest of the cast is perhaps drawn from stock images a little too much. The sex is inventive, sweetly written, beautifully expressed and very arousing. If the author feels the story is too long for general appeal, I think it could be handily condensed. However, doing so would probably require leaving out some of those sex scenes, and what an agonizing decision that would be! Overall, well done. ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) {f/f} ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 9 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 7 ~>Rosemerry (Appeal to Reviewer) 7 ~>Links: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/2194/ http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344507601 http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345132417 "Sorry" by Vickie Morgan Email: Review by: Rosemerry A very short little sketch, a "do" of a music video with a twist. The little story's text flowed reasonably well, with some technical errors. The question of plot and character didn't really come up, in such a storyless vignette, hence the N/A. No graphic depiction of sex at all in this one, so I can't really call it erotica. I should also remark that I don't think the video imagery worked so well as a story; it just made me impatient. However, the ending made me laugh! ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) {MF} ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 6 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) N/A ~>Rosemerry (Appeal to Reviewer) 5 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19383.txt "Charlie's Angel" by Alden Bradley Email: Review by: Rosemerry This story had a lot to recommend it; I think it needs an overhaul, but could be very worthwhile after that. The writing flows well, making heavy use of conversation; I noticed that I didn't have any trouble knowing who said what, which is often a problem with long conversational interludes. The author was reasonably visual, giving us proper surroundings and a colorful vision. The first thing I noticed that I could really call a problem was that the author pretty much skipped graphic descriptions of sex. In an erotic newsgroup, this could be construed as reducing its appeal. The author also needs to work on the plot in terms of believability; I liked the character of Charlie, his sense of humor and his self-image, and he was very well written, but there just wasn't enough reason for a strange, younger, beautiful woman to fall for him. She herself was less well written, seeming a little flat and depthless. In addition, the last third or so of the tale lacked interest. It was really nothing more than a string of logistics leading to their marriage, without the conversation and personal interaction that made the rest of the story readable. Much could have been made, in terms of dramatic tension, about their difficulties in getting together; this was skimmed over. Charlie's thoughts and feelings while he waited for his lover were very believable and well written. It was like a stream-of-consciousness direct recording from someone's actual thoughts. On the whole, Charlie was well- characterized. He shouldn't have had to carry the whole story on his own. ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) {MF, romance} ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 6 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 6 ~>Rosemerry (Appeal to Reviewer) 6 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18782.txt "Into the Maelstrom" by lcdrjmc@aol,com Email: lcdrjmc@aol.com Review by: Rosemerry Reluctant Carolyn is sexually initiated into the wonders of mega-lesbian sluthood in many imaginatively natural, unnatural and supernatural ways. An exhaustively long piece, ten parts in length. I'm afraid the story suffered from a real lack of "show don't tell". I had a hard time telling the characters apart, and the flow of the story was pretty much "this happened, then this happened". It happened a lot, too. Eight chapters in, she's still reluctant, yet still pliantly allows all this to happen. The opening of a story is designed to do certain tasks. It must introduce to us a character and "hook" us to that character by giving us something we want to find out more about. The same is true of the plot; we must want to keep going. And finally, the opening should let us know what kind of story it is, in terms of time and place. If it's a fantasy story set in a magical forest, the opening will be very different in tone and background from a story set in the modern day, or from one set on Mars. That's a lot to expect from a few paragraphs, but they are all essential. This opening gave us the locale and timescale quite effectively with references to offices and telephones. It didn't draw me into the character, however, giving her name and description and her colorless thoughts about her co-workers. As for the plot, it made no appearance whatsoever until much later. The technical errors were usually on the order of mixed-up word choices, using "manor" instead of "manner" for example. There were some punctuation errors as well, but nothing that would kill off a good story. I would call this a stroke story with ambitions of true storyhood that it just couldn't reach. ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) (F+/F, Reluc, and a few surprises) I'd add (teen, nc) ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 5 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 3 ~>Rosemerry (Appeal to Reviewer) 0 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19383.txt "Storytime" by Spoonbender Email: theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk Review by: Rosemerry This was my first Spoonbender, hard though it is to believe, and I must say I enjoyed it. I can't say it was exactly arousing, but it did make me laugh. A skillfully braided series of vignettes leads us through an episode of Wendy, the storyteller, and her audience of millions. It's not really a story, nor is it a sex story, but it makes for good satire; like all good satire, there is a hint of piercing sadness. I won't tell you anymore... just go read it. There were a few technical errors, nothing major. Ordinarily, in a sketch like this where plot and character are unimportant, I let the number referring to them go as N/A. In this case, however, I think the skill it takes to satirize qualifies as a replacement, so that's what the "Venus" number refers to. ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) {F, cons, mast?} ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 8 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 9 ~>Rosemerry (Appeal to Reviewer) 7 ~>Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/18727.txt "Deliberate" attributed to Deirdre email: unknown review by: Roger Raccoon "Oh, my." Those are the words of the supporting character in this excellent story, but they could equally well be the reviewer's. Deirdre has crafted a lovely short tale of power and seduction, all in the context of a loving supportive relationship. The "Deliberate" of the title refers to the main character's long deliberate seduction of his lover into a kink not originally her own, to wit, anal sex. The story is enormously seductive as well. This reviewer's kinks run solely to the visual and tactile (I like my women in furs and masks - what can I say?), but the story was enormously arousing just the same. As the clich‚ says, the mind is the ultimate sexual organ, and this story is much more about the workings of the mind than of cocks and asses. ~>Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) {MF) ~>Athena (Technical and Grammar) 10 ~>Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~>Roger (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~>Links: http://x15.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=244320337 "Valentine Wish" by Prufrock54 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19967.txt Review by Fiddler On a Valentine's day during a period when he bad been going through hell at work, his wife had seduced him into a kitchen tryst. Then she had expressed the wish that they might have simultaneous orgasms. A year later he (sort of) fulfills her wish. This story seems to proceed spasmodically. There is a reason. This is a very good story from a relatively new author. Read it. Ratings for "Valentine Wish" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Physics Lesson" by Allison George http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19971.txt reviewed by Fiddler Jenn explains complicated fluid dynamics to Kate (who sounds awfully dumb to be taking the course) by applying it to a hot fudge sundae. Kate responds with the application of Bernoulli's principle to the flow of semen though a cock. Both examples are concretized in Kate's most recent date. The story is both funnier and sexier than I make it sound. There is the fun of both the conflict between the roommates and their agreement on the deficiencies of the male of the species. The only fault that I find is with the weird punctuation. This includes gobs of high ASCII and an initial hyphen to mark quotations. Ratings for "The Physics Lesson" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----