Message-ID: <19452eli$9901290446@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: masterruss@hotmail.com Subject: Weird World of Sex Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Reply-To: masterruss@hotmail.com Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <36B13C63.4E3D@hotmail.com> XXXXPress Original Articles and Stories at http://members.webvilla.com/xxxxpress/enter.htm This Wide Wide Weird World of Sex by John Enwright Many say there is nothing unusual under the sun. Maybe so, but then perhaps they have not done much research in the world of sex. Let's take a look at some of the more stranger things in this weird world. THE ANCIENT WORLD The ancient world had it's share of strange things in sexu- ality. Bet you didn't know that the ancient Egyptians sodomized their slain enemies not because they wanted sex but because they didn't want to be pursued by "ghosts." The Greeks only did that one for fun. Whereas in ancient China, sodomy was called "sharing the peach." Or how about Cleopatra's nickname? She was known as the "gaper" since she had oral sex with at least 100 Roman noblemen in one night. The ancients were not without their own unique ways to prevent fertility. The first prescription for a contraceptive tampon was written on papyrus in 1550 B.C. Egyptians preferred crocodile dung while elephant droppings mixed with honey was thought by Arabians to stopped unwanted pregnancies. Famed lover, Casanova used lemon juice to insure no offspring. Other methods include dried beaver testicles in a strong alcoholic solution that was drunk by women of New Brunswick. Perhaps the reason why these methods were successful was that who would get near any person using these remedies? "One who holds his virile member when making water," according to Rabbinical tradi- tion, is one of the four types of hateful men. They also state that his wife must be close by so they can have sex after urinat- ing. It is also not well known that King Herod of Biblical fame slept by his dead wife for seven years. THE MIDDLE AGES The Islamic religion is not without other oddities. They have a saying, "the pilgrimage to Mecca is not perfected saved by copulation with the camel." One thing that Marco Polo brought back from China besides spaghetti was the practice of rubbing his prostrate during sex to produce "almond milk." In 1349, hordes of gigantic women from Hungary invaded Germany during the Black Death period and "tore off their clothes and beat themselves with rods." Over three hundred years later, a Londoner known as Whipping Tom, hid in dark alleys, then grabbed a passing woman, tossed her skirts over her head and spanked the victim until she cried for help. SEX PROFESSIONALS While the rest of world has had its indulgences, we expect our sex researchers and therapists to be a little more normal. The most famous, Sigmund Freud, had a phobia of railroads because he shared a rail car with his mother and saw her naked. He also found American women extremely erotic. One out of two ain't bad. The sexologist, Havelock Ellis, drank his own and other's urine. In 1959, Dr. William Masters gave his first scientific paper at the Conference of the Vagina. It's nice to know that the movers and shakers of sex were on such an even keel. Those sex researchers have come up with a few things that are at least startling. Women are less likely to be raped in December. White collar workers masturbate the most. Disco music makes mice homosexual. Kissing causes cavities. The Swahili word for venereal disease is KISSINONO. Primitive cultures nearly all find plump women more desirable. The record weight for a human breast is 52 pounds. Men in their sixties have a wet dream every two weeks on average. Marriages generally improve after the man has a heart attack. No more wet dreams? OTHERS Famed critic John Rusk fell in love with a ten year old girl because he was repulsed by his wife's pubic hair. Some think Sir Isaac Newton suffered from insomnia because he never had sex. Catherine the Great employed people to tickle her feet and spank her bottom. It's also said she bled to death from having sex with a horse. The late King Ibn Saud of Arabia never looked upon the faces of his 400 wives. Ronald Reagan said that sex was best "in the afternoon, after coming out of the shower." Who do we believe? TODAY Sabrina Tracy, "high priestess of the Church of the Most High Goddess" says she has slept with "2,758 (men) to be precise." After a paternity suit against a Catholic priest, the arch- diocese said they "may not be held liable...because such conduct is not within the scope of his duties." However, recently the Supreme Court found that schools are liable for sex harassment. Maybe that's part of the curriculum. Babies conceived in Great Britain by artificial insemination are considered illegitimate. Not surprisingly, there is a form of billiards in Scandinavia where women sit on the floor naked and men try to flick marbles into their wide open vaginas. Condom users in one Columbian town have been condemned to hell by the local priest. You think this priest plays pool? Prostitution is illegal in Iran. However, Iranian men get around this by "marrying for a few hours" and then get "divorced" according to Islamic law. Prostitutes in Biella, north of Turin, Italy, in response to "unfair competition" from Nigerians, re- cently declared a day of "free and safe sex." Probably the most sexist TV is in Japan. In recent days, talk shows zoomed in on women's breasts, a female reporter demon- strated an uplifting bra on TV and another female reporter inves- tigated the increasing size of Japanese women's breasts. Not to be outdone, one comic hero is Rape Man, who is dressed only from the waist up. Wonder if Japanese penises have grown too! Last year, one late night TV show in Britain, "The James Whale Radio Show," had an unusual performance. This popular program featured an impressionist who held a cigar between his butt cheeks and clenched them in synch with a speech by Winston Churchill. In Germany, it is illegal to have sex with a child under fourteen but not if they're of another nationality. Other nation- alities are protected from twelve and under. Zimbabwe's parliament had a recent report on the usage of condoms. The parliamentary committee reported they were "grossly taken aback to learn that the shortage of spare components had resulted in condoms being used as substitutes for measuring pressure at the Hwange power station." Over one hundred callers protested an adult video director allegedly hypnotized viewers after doing the same to nine women on a Japanese television show. The women were asked to fantasize their favorite sexual positions. One man said he heard a crash and went to his daughter's room and found her unconscious with her clothes in shreds. Although blue movies are banned in Pakistan, one couple have become famous for their video tape depicting them having sexual intercourse. Innocently enough, they had the tape made for their own pleasure but unfortunately their home was robbed and the incriminating tape found its way into the black market. In Tacoma, Washington a woman sought spiritual advice and marital counseling from her Pentecostal pastor. Using the doc- trine of `spiritual connection' or seeking God through a bond with a member of the opposite sex, the preacher succeeded in seducing her and having a long term affair. After her 19 year marriage collapsed and she broke off the affair, the pastor banished her from the church. She sued and won a verdict of $200,000 which the jury reduced to $130,000 because she was "35 percent at fault." An award of $20,000 to her ex- husband was reduced too, the jury finding him "15 percent at fault." The preacher has counter-sued both for "malicious- prosecution." After calling the Volunteer Center in Onondaga County, New York, new mother Denise Perrigo was arrested. Her crime? Breast feeding her baby girl! Seems she made the mistake of telling the zealots there at the center that she enjoyed breast feeding her so much that she became sexually aroused. Almost a year later, Mother and child are reunited every two weeks but not officially until January of 1993. All sex abuse charges were later dropped. Barbershops in Korea give more than haircuts. Known as "special service," sex may be performed under towels or behind partitions. Potential customers just look for the opaque windows. Percy Skuy is the world's foremost creator of weird museums. In addition to the Museum of Women which features live examples, including one nude, he has created the Museum of Underwear in Brussels (this one can be rented out for private parties,) Cana- da's Museum of the History of Contraception and has proposed a Museum of the Prostrate after King Bandouin of Belgium had the same surgery. Got any ideas to pass on to Mr. Skuy? Audiences who whistle, applaud and cheer at a pretty scanti- ly dressed woman dancing are not unusual. However, the audience at the Washington, D.C. Lesbo-A-Go-Go nightclub is composed entirely of women. One member in the audience, Brenda Torres said, "It isn't degrading. We're all women here. If it were men watching, then it would be degrading." The Chinese have many cures for impotence and aging- an- tlers, teas and animal testicles. The latest is called "Yeansheng Health Liquid," composed of male silk moths. Sex is illegal on co-ed British warships. When one woman doctor had been raped, the crew was promised amnesty if they told what they were doing that night. Eleven male sailors said they were having sex with another female sailor! Worshipers in a Sluis, Netherlands church were startled to hear strange noises coming from the confessional. When they went to investigate, they found a partially clad couple making pas- sionate love. The priest after hearing of the amorous twosome said he had not been asked "to grant the couple absolute absolu- tion." Prostitutes in newly liberated country of Latvia of the former Soviet Union do not have access to condoms. Instead the local ladies of the night use the "being choosy" method, accord- ing to the spokeswoman of their trade union, "The girls don't do it with Arabs, blacks or Chinese." Iraq's Saddam Hussein has stopped the practice of tipping belly dancers. After fining one admirer $320,000 for throwing a check for 3.3 million dollars at the feet of one dancer, Saddam went on national TV. Warning about "frivolous and shameless spending," he went on to tell rich Iraqis, "don't flaunt your wealth or else." In a Paradise Hill, Canada tavern three men walked in on an all female party. When it was over, two of the men left in their underwear and the third in just his T-shirt. About a dozen of the women had ripped off most of the men's clothes. One social worker complained because the police did not charge any of the revelers with sexual assault. The Royal Cana- dian Mounted Police constable, Ed Gallant, who investigated the incident in Saskatchewan Province said that "none of the three victims complained." Tax authorities in Canberra, Australia have given brothel owners an ultimatum. As required by law, any business that has a payroll of over $214,000 (Australian dollars) must provide train- ing for employees equal to one percent or face tax penalties. Opposition trade spokesman, Alexander Downer asked "All of us are wondering what sort of training programs the Australian Taxation Office has in mind." One US woman, afraid her breasts implants would kill her, removed them with a razor. Her insurance would not pay for such surgery. Her husband said she also once tried to remove a bad tooth with pliers but was not successful that time. Finally, there is the case of a girl who is allergic to sperm. After having sex for the first time, she developed a rash on her lips and eyelids; her tongue and throat became swollen; had an asthmatic attack and violent pains in her chest and then lost consciousness. Just remember, an anonymous man defined Puritanism as "the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be having fun..." Many say there is nothing unusual under the sun. Maybe so, but then perhaps they have not done much research in the world of sex. Let's take a look at some of the more stranger things in this weird world. THE ANCIENT WORLD The ancient world had it's share of strange things in sexu- ality. Bet you didn't know that the ancient Egyptians sodomized their slain enemies not because they wanted sex but because they didn't want to be pursued by "ghosts." The Greeks only did it for fun. Whereas in ancient China, sodomy was called "sharing the peach." Or how about Cleopatra's nickname? She was known as the "gaper" since she had oral sex with at least 100 Roman noblemen in one night. It's a wonder these same Romans gave us the word for masturbation, "manusturbo," which means "to defile (or dis- turb) with the hands." "One who holds his virile member when making water," accor- ding to Rabbinical tradition, is one of the four types of hateful men. They also state that his wife must be close by so they can have sex after urinating. It is also not well known that King Herod of Biblical fame slept by his dead wife for seven years. The Greek and Islamic cultures considered masturbation okay, provided one had no partner. Ancient Chinese and Indians thought this self indulgence tolerable but only if it resulted in no orgasm. Both of these cultures believed that a man only recovered his jism after sexual intercourse with a woman. The old Egyptians said that if a male god masturbated, his progeny produced would be delivered through the anus. In the sixth century, the Catholic Church wrote "the Peni- tentials" which detailed all the crimes of sexuality and had the effect of being the first sex manual. We had to start somewhere. THE MIDDLE AGES The Islamic religion is not without other oddities. They have a saying, "the pilgrimage to Mecca is not perfected saved by copulation with the camel." One thing that Marco Polo brought back from China besides spaghetti was the practice of rubbing his prostrate during sex to produce "almond milk." In 1349, hordes of gigantic women from Hungary invaded Germany during the Black Death period and "tore off their clothes and beat themselves with rods." Over three hundred years later, a Londoner known as Whipping Tom, hid in dark alleys, then grabbed a passing woman, tossed her skirts over her head and spanked the victim until she cried for help. MODERN TIMES By the early 19th century, physicians were treating the deadly "disease of masturbation" by severing the nerves to the penis and cauterizing the prostrate gland. The British, Germans and French, all invented "underwear" to prevent masturbation years before that, but apparently weren't successful. Look at all the sperm banks we have today. Sylvester Graham, inventor of the cracker, made claims that the loss of semen was equal to three times as much blood and believed that sex should not be practiced more than twenty times a year and only with one's wife. And certainly never alone. Another food legend, American John Harvey Kellogg, believed masturbation was sinful and could lead to disease. He thought "that masturbation was more dangerous than sodomy, for there were no bounds to its indulgence." SEX PROFESSIONALS While the rest of world has had its indulgences, we expect our sex researchers and therapists to be a little more normal. The most famous, Sigmund Freud, had a phobia of railroads because he shared a rail car with his mother and saw her naked. He also found American women extremely erotic. One out of two ain't bad. Kinsey said there were six types of male orgasms and that high school graduates are more likely to have a homosexual experience than college graduates. Additionally, he said that the best aphrodisiacs are "good health, sufficient exercise and plenty of sleep." The famous German sexual researcher, Kraft-Ebing stated unequivocally that childhood masturbation led to sexual deviance and even sadistic crimes against humanity, the worst being mur- der. The sexologist, Havelock Ellis, drank urine. In 1959, Dr. William Masters gave his first scientific paper at the Conference of the Vagina. It's nice to know that the movers and shakers of sex were on such an even keel. STRANGE? Those sex researchers have come up with a few things that are at least startling. Women are less likely to be raped in December. White collar workers masturbate the most. Disco music makes mice homosexual. Kissing causes cavities. The Swahili word for venereal disease is KISSINONO. Primitive cultures nearly all find plump women more desirable. The record for a human breast is 52 pounds. Men in their sixties have a wet dream every two weeks on average. Marriages generally improve after the man has a heart attack. No more wet dreams? OTHERS Famed critic John Rusk fell in love with a ten year old girl because he was repulsed by his wife's pubic hair. Some think Sir Isaac Newton suffered from insomnia because he never had sex. Catherine the Great employed people to tickle her feet and spank her bottom. It's also said she bled to death from having sex with a horse. The late King Ibn Saud of Arabia never looked upon the faces of his 400 wives. Ronald Reagan said that sex was best "in the afternoon, after coming out of the shower." Who do we believe? TODAY After a paternity suit against a Catholic priest, the arch- diocese said they "may not be held liable...because such conduct is not within the scope of his duties." However, recently the Supreme Court found that schools are liable for sex harassment. Maybe it's part of the curriculum. Prostitution is illegal in Iran. However, Iranian men get around this by "marrying for a few hours" and then get "divorced" according to Islamic law. Prostitutes in Biella, north of Turin, Italy, in response to "unfair competition" from Nigerians, re- cently declared a day of "free and safe sex." Probably the most sexist TV is in Japan. In recent days, talk shows zoomed in on women's breasts, a female reporter demon- strated an uplifting bra on TV and another female reporter inves- tigated the increasing size of Japanese women's breasts. Not to be outdone, one comic hero is Rape Man, who is dressed only from the waist up. Wonder if Japanese penises have grown too! Last year, one late night TV show in Britain, "The James Whale Radio Show," had an unusual performance. This popular show featured an impressionist who held a cigar between his butt cheeks and clenched them in synch with a speech by Winston Churchill. Sri Lankans can finally see kissing on television. A Moscow entrepreneur has recently opened a "school of strip-tease and graduates will work in Germany, France, Norway, Sweden and Singa- pore. In Germany, it is illegal to have sex with a child under fourteen but not if they're of another nationality. Other nation- alities are protected from twelve and under. Barbershops in Korea give more than haircuts. Known as "special service," sex may be performed under towels or behind partitions. Potential customers just look for the opaque windows. Authorities in Myanmar have a quick solution for AIDS infec- ted prostitutes. Their own nationals are deported while others are injected with cyanide. It had to happen. Despite threats from the Vancouver police, bungee jumpers can now jump in the nude. A Drummond, Montana man protested his speeding ticket by writing the check on his under- wear. The bank cashed the check. One US woman, afraid her breasts implants would kill her, removed them with a razor. Her insurance would not pay for such surgery. Her husband said she also once tried to remove a bad tooth with pliers but was not successful that time. Finally, there is the case of a girl who is allergic to sperm. After having sex for the first time, she developed a rash on her lips and eyelids; her tongue and throat became swollen; had an asthmatic attack and violent pains in her chest and then lost consciousness. When one thinks of sex and related subjects, it may be true there is nothing new. Every culture from around the world has many examples of odd behavior. Some are bizarre, some are just plain different. Let's take a look at some of the more stranger things in this weird world of sex. A district commissioner in Kenya has called for a ban on AIDS victims marrying. Ismael Chelang believes that the ban be made law and would prevent a new generation of AIDS sufferers. "The time has come when the government or churches should not register couples intending to get married, unless they pro- duce certificates showing they do not have AIDS," he said. Four women found guilty of murdering a 19 year old woman have walked free from a Kenyan Court. They admitted circumcising the woman, who later bled to death. The victim, Helen Makena of Giaki, was grabbed by her elderly grandmother and the rest of the women then forcibly circumcised Makena with a razor blade. Meru Principal Magistrate, Mrs. Mary Mugo, warned the women to refrain from "the habit" or face jail. Each was placed on probation for 2 years. In Uganda, which has epidemic proportions of AIDS cases, the government had made many pitches through the state run media to educate the people. But recently due to pressure from Christian and Islamic religious leaders, the government has stopped the educational programs on AIDS prevention. Homosexuality is no longer illegal in the Isle of Man in the English Channel. Previously, a gay man could be sentenced to life in prison for sodomy. Exactly where a gay man should be held with the other homosexuals! The economic situation in Russia has spawned one unusual thing- one room divorces. Since housing is not available and one room apartments are the norm, when a couple decides to separate, they do so by placing a sheet down the middle of the room. Worshipers in a Sluis, Netherlands church were startled to hear strange noises coming from the confessional. When they went to investigate, they found a partially clad couple making passionate love. The priest after hearing of the amorous twosome said he had not been asked "to grant the couple absolute absolution." At the Olympic Games at Albertville, France in 1992, the only condom machine in the village of Brides-les-Bains was behind a security fence. When a woman tried to buy some from the dispenser, she was removed by security guards. "Even the condoms are reserved for the athletes," she screamed. Later she was given three condoms- free. The recession has hit the 11th annual bachelor auction at Talkeenta, Alaska very hard this year. In this state with an over abundance of eligible men, the event had the lowest bids ever. However, condoms were handed out to all the successful bidders. Quote of the day- "I would wager that the American people do not know that Congress has exempted itself from the sexual harassment laws private employers and the executive branch must obey," opined ex-President George Bush. A Canadian judge has recently ruled that a woman going topless is illegal and she was fined $75, Canadian. He said "The essence of the matter here is that anyone who thinks male and female breasts are the same thing is not living in the real world." Prostitutes in newly liberated country of Latvia of the former Soviet Union do not have access to condoms. Instead the local ladies of the night use the "being choosy" method. According to the spokeswoman of their trade union, "The girls don't do it with Arabs, blacks or Chinese." Sex in parked cars in Singapore is against the law. Iraq's Saddam Hussein has stopped the practice of tipping belly dancers. After fining one admirer $320,000 for throwing a check for 3.3 million dollars at the feet of one dancer, Saddam went on national TV. Warning about "frivolous and shameless spending," he went on to tell rich Iraqis, "don't flaunt your wealth or else." The sign said "drop your trousers here for the best results." No, this wasn't a house of ill repute but a Thai laundry. Larry Flynt, founder of Hustler magazine, became a born-again Christian in 1988. After he became a convert, a reporter asked Flynt if he planned to have a scratch n' sniff (a regular feature of his magazine) in the centerfold of the Virgin Mary. He replied, "Hey, that's a great idea- we'll make it smell like tomato juice." At the World's first Museum of Women in Singapore, patrons can wander through such exhibits as the housewife, the child woman seductress, the grandmother knitting a shawl, a streetwalker and a naked lady sitting discreetly with her legs crossed. The catch is that they are all live models. Signs throughout the museum say "Do not touch the exhibits!" In the State of Kelantan, Malaysia, authorities have decided to encourage polygamy because there happens to be an abundance of eligible women. This is keeping with their policy of adhering to becoming a total Moslems state. According to doctors in Dhaka, Bangladesh, a 13 year old girl has suddenly transformed into a boy. "I had a sex change during the night," she or rather he is quoted as saying. The doctors at the Postgraduate Medicine and Research Center told the parents "he is a strong, healthy and normal boy." Scientists in Amsterdam, Holland can now advise the best positions for the best orgasm. After studying the climaxes of a hundred couples as they had sexual intercourse, Doctor Lasse Hessel says "For the first time, we can tell people which positions give the best sexual stimulation. The technique involves the use of ultrasound and the 64 page guide is a best seller. A thirty year old Siberian woman has beat inflation by stripping for prisoners who exercise in the compound below her home. The average worker here makes a little over 300 rubles a month and the woman says "Some months I earned five or six thousand rubles." In a Paradise Hill, Canada tavern three men walked in on an all female party. When it was over, two of the men left in their underwear and the third in just his T-shirt. About a dozen of the women had ripped off most of the men's clothes. One social worker complained because the police did not charge any of the revelers with sexual assault. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police constable, Ed Gallant, who investigated the incident in Saskatchewan Province said that "none of the three victims complained." Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has the ultimate solution for AIDS infected citizens in his country. First he has mandated testing for all those over thirteen years old and any who test positive for the virus are confined to a walled sanitarium for life. Tax authorities in Canberra, Australia have given brothel owners an ultimatum. As required by law, any business that has a payroll of over $214,000 (Australian dollars) must provide training for employees equal to one percent or face tax penalties. Opposition trade spokesman, Alexander Downer asked "All of us are wondering what sort of training programs the Australian Taxation Office has in mind." Researchers at Atlanta's Emory University have warned men to stop using coffee if they want to remain fertile. Likewise, pregnant women are cautioned to lay off coffee because of caffeine's effect on the fetus. A famous English author wishes to remain anonymous because of the following quote- "If you can sleep in it, on it or with it: if you can fly it, sail it, drive it, gallop with it, ride in it or on it, or with it, RENT IT, DON'T BUY IT!" According to researchers, 40 percent of Americans cannot sleep the night before their wedding. The other 50 percent say they have no change in their sleeping habits. The vast minority confirm that they sleep even better. After they get married, the biggest complaint is that the spouses hog the covers but most men complained more about their wives hogging the whole bed. Women said snoring was the biggest problem at night. It may be that divorces really occur if both have both of the different afflictions. Fantasizing about another while making love has been declared normal by author Michael Castleman. The real problem he contends is if the fantasy's about one person only. Men's Health magazine further asserts that the chances are 1 in 6.6 that a man's best friend's wife fantasizes about the man. But the chances the best friend fantasizes about the pal's wife is 1 in 2.5! One good reason to change your sex is because of lightning. Women are struck once in 1.8 million, while for men it's one in 8 million. Seventy five percent of the folks at a Miami convalescent home say they have sex at least once a week. It had to happen- there's now a support group for trucker's wives. Audiences who whistle, applaud and cheer at a pretty scanty dressed woman dancing are not unusual. What is unusual is that the audience at the Washington, D.C. Lesbo-A-Go-Go nightclub is composed entirely of women. "It isn't degrading. We're all women here. If it were men watching, then it would be degrading," said one member in the audience, Brenda Torres. Holly Glass, featured dancer at the club, says "I'm very much a feminist and it's not degrading. We've been screaming `women's liberation' long enough. Let's do something for fun." The newest magazine for lesbians is called Cunt. This San Francisco based publication's first edition featured "reprints and original stuff, comics, a latex glove insert, safe sex ideas, hot fiction and more." The latest craze in Japan is the love hotel. Here the space conscious Japanese can indulge their fantasies in the large Disneyland, Helicopter, clamshell bed and jail rooms. The first in the US will open in Minneapolis. The Chinese have many cures for impotence and aging- antlers, teas and animal testicles. The latest is called "Yeansheng Health Liquid," composed of male silk moths. South Korean parents are upset over their phone bills. Seems their children are calling Los Angeles phone sex services available in the Korean language. Those paragons of virtue, the Muslims, now have a "religiously correct" bathing suit for men. A company in Turkey makes one that covers the waist to the knee and the kicker, it does not "cling to the body when wet." No word yet on one for women. Sex is illegal on co-ed British warships. When one woman doctor had been raped, the crew was promised amnesty if they told what they were doing that night. Eleven male sailors said they were having sex with another female sailor! The latest effort against AIDS is a campaign using national pride. The company, Old Glory Condoms, uses the logo of a flowing US flag in the shape of a condom to fight against disease in the interest of "national security." However, the condoms are made of just plain latex. Sergio Valente, the clothing manufacturer, has succeeded in stopping Michael Byer of Philadelphia from selling condoms. He wanted to market them under the name of Sergio Prevente... Canada's Public Health Association has recently released a 27 minute video tape showing high school students how to use a condom. The traditional Mexican ritual "Day of the Dead" has a new form of offering. In addition to stuffed animals, drinks, cigarettes and food, gay activists are placing condoms on altars throughout Mexico City in honor of those who have died of AIDS. Prostitutes at a convention in Kharkov, Ukraine have agreed to keep their prices at current levels because of rampant inflation. They also agreed to an educational campaign for "amateurs" so they can learn to collect the correct fee. A new tribe of primitives was recently discovered in Indonesia. The Keu tribesman are described as wearing only penis sheaths. No word yet on what the women were wearing. "In the interest of justice" a couple who were video taped by their neighbor having sex in their bathroom will not be shown on television, at least until after their trial. According to the trial judge, that would prejudice potential jurors. One of the latest crazes to come to the tattoo world, is the perfumed tattoo. Known as "Tattoos To Go," the perfume is activated by body heat after the stick-on design is pressed to the skin. It's said to last for weeks and weeks. If you seduce another's woman or women in Kenya, you may lose your animals. One man, after making love to the four women in his father-in-law's household, was ordered by the clan's tribunal to give a bull, a ram and two male goats to the father-in-law who would have rathered the offender be castrated. In a similar case in Kenya, a man accused of having sex with his mother-in-law and two sister-in-laws was condemned to be castrated but this was later overruled because his "wife still needed the services of a complete man." Chicago's Theater Oobleck had a "free if you're broke" preview of a salute to free speech called "Eat My Fuck." There was a catch. Depending on their whim, they charged customers five to ten dollars to get out of the locked theater. After North Myrtle Beach in South Carolina succeeded in banning nude swimmers, they are going after thong clad women. "We have had a city ordinance since 1976 against revealing certain parts of the body- including the buttocks," said one city official. Violators are asked to find another beach. Archbishop John Hapgood of the Church of England has demanded an inquiry into plans to open Britain's first sex choice clinic. A US doctor, John Ericsson, invented the technique which separates male from female sperm and then the appropriate ones are artificially inseminated. Sixty centers around the world already offer this service. A 106 year old Iranian has fathered a child. His fourth wife gave birth to a six and a half pound boy. All of his previous wives and children are now dead. The man commented that his secret was due to "taking care of my teeth, eating fresh meat and walking a lot." Over one hundred callers protested an adult video director who allegedly hypnotized viewers after doing the same to nine women on a Japanese television show. The women were asked to fantasize their favorite sexual positions. One man said he heard a crash and went to his daughter's room and found her unconscious with her clothes in shreds. Another complained, "It is inexcusable to broadcast on public airwaves a program that shows obscene group hypnotism without even explaining to the viewers the method of undoing the hypnotism." The latest spot for sex hungry male tourists is in Thailand at the bamboo bars of Phuket. Even though the spelling phonetically looks familiar, it's pronounced "Poo Ket." Percy Skuy is the world's foremost creator of weird museums. In addition to the Museum of Women which features live examples, one of them nude, he has created the Museum of Underwear in Brussels (this one can be rented out for private parties,) Canada's Museum of the History of Contraception and has proposed a Museum of the Prostrate after King Bandouin of Belgium had the same surgery. Got any ideas to pass on to Mr. Skuy? The ancients apparently were not without their own ways to prevent fertility. Egyptians preferred crocodile dung while elephant droppings mixed with honey was thought by Arabians to stop unwanted pregnancies. Famed lover, Casanova used lemon juice to insure he had no offspring. Other methods include dried beaver testicles in a strong alcoholic solution that was drunk by women of New Brunswick. Perhaps the reason these methods were successful, was that no one would get anywhere near a person who used these remedies. Bet you didn't know that the first prescription for a contraceptive tampon was written on papyrus in 1550 B.C. A new business has sprung up in Vietnam. Actually it's an old one among doctors everywhere where virginity is prized. According to Nguoi Lao Dong (Worker) newspaper, many foreigners will spend up to $3,000 a night to be with a virgin. "Many so-called `beauty parlors' have made a lot of money by restoring virginity to unfortunate girls." Going on to say that "Growing numbers of single girls were temporarily going into prostitution, then spending $100 to $150 for surgery before getting married." Other ladies had the surgery more than once so they could be virgins and command higher prices. Although blue movies are banned in Pakistan, one couple did become famous for their video tape depicting them having sexual intercourse. Innocently enough, they had the tape made for their own pleasure but unfortunately their home was robbed and the incriminating tape found its way into the black market. In Tacoma, Washington a woman sought spiritual advice and marital counseling from her Pentecostal pastor. Using the doctrine of `spiritual connection' or seeking God through a bond with a member of the opposite sex, the preacher succeeded in seducing her and having a long term affair. After her 19 year marriage collapsed and she broke off the affair, the pastor banished her from the church. She sued and won a verdict of $200,000 which the jury reduced to $130,000 because she was "35 percent at fault." An award of $20,000 to her ex-husband was reduced too, the jury finding him "15 percent at fault." The preacher has counter-sued both for "malicious-prosecution." After calling the Volunteer Center in Onondaga County, New York, new mother Denise Perrigo was arrested. Her crime? Breast feeding her baby girl! Seems she made the mistake of telling the zealots at the center that she enjoyed breast feeding her baby so much that she became sexually aroused. Almost a year later, Mother and child were reunited every two weeks but not officially until January of 1993. All sex abuse charges were later dropped. Another New York woman was threatened with the lost of her membership at a public swimming pool when she nursed her baby beside the pool. An Iowa mother who breast fed her baby at a restaurant was asked to leave. After both women filed suits, they won their cases. A late night skinny dipper got more than she bargained for at Madeira Beach near Tampa, Florida. "This is a case about a bully and a skinny dipper" said her attorney. It seems that the boy in blue, after Roxanne Murasso ignored his request to surrender, took her clothes and when she finally returned to the beach, the policeman handcuffed and took her to the police station- nude! In her suit (no, not birthday) against the city, seven jurors agreed she was wronged and awarded her $130,000 in damages. Stewardesses "should have beauty not brains," said the head of Thai Airways International. Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananti, a member of the Thai military government and who also serves as the air force chief and president of the state airline said that "intelligent women tend not to be good-looking." The Nation, a Bangkok newspaper, reported that Rojananti has told all interviewers of the airlines to select potential stewardesses "in the way beauty judging panels select contestants. We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough," are too old and not smiling enough. The Air Chief Marshal said the crisis had come to a head because the airlines had hired too many college educated women, instead of requiring the minimum of a high school diploma. Zimbabwe's parliament had a recent report on the usage of condoms. Apparently, the condoms were not used for the prevention of AIDS, but at the Zimbabwe Electricity Supply Authority. The parliamentary committee reported they were "grossly taken aback to learn that the shortage of spare components had resulted in condoms being used as substitutes for measuring pressure at the Hwange power station." In this Muslim provincial capital of Banda Aceh, Sumatra, the city government has started the practice of shaving the heads of call girls. The plan also includes parading the unfortunates around the city. Ifrizal Yunus, the mayor of Banda Aceh and originator of the practice, said that he wanted to clean up the image of the formerly conservative Islamic city and return it to being a religious center. Married couple, Rafael and Delores Bertrand, are splitting up after seven years of marriage. Seems the Mexican couple are allergic to each other. Whenever they got close, he sneezed and she developed a rash. Seventeen year old Kyto Yamashi was worried his sister would lose her job when she became too ill to work. What to do? Like a good brother he took her place. Only trouble was that she worked as a barmaid in a Tokyo nightclub and he received 13 marriage proposals from American servicemen. One zoo keeper from Melbourne, Australia got a telegram from work. It read "Gorilla pining for a mate. Shall we buy another or await your return?" Women in Gloucester, England are refusing to wear their car safety belts. Policemen who asked why said the women didn't want to wrinkle their clothes. But the real reason it seems is that the women had one thing in common, they had big breasts. Jocelyn Marchienne of Annonas, France is getting married and also promises to never write another letter. Seems she has been a pen pal to 140 sailors who she used to write every week. The lucky girl is getting married to a soldier. An unnamed woman in Brisbane, Australia is divorcing her husband of 14 years because he read too many books. She comments, "On our wedding night, he sat up in bed reading a science fiction book. He wasn't even aware that I was in bed with him." After a bachelor party at a Oakland Park, Florida nitery, a newlywed sued a woman and the place she works. Seems the unfortunate man participated in a bout of "hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing" at the Knockout Room. Trouble was that she beat him up so badly that he looked terrible in the wedding pictures. Before the civil war in Yugoslavia, one man named Jan Bora apparently had more time in his life than to just be a barber. Seems old Jan has married 79 women. The record for divorces and re-marriages was set in 1967 when he married and divorced 23 times. The curious may ask why did he change wives so frequently? He replied, "Women are my hobby." Sabrina Tracy, the self proclaimed "high priestess of the Church of the Most High Goddess," after being released from prison in Los Angeles, says she has slept with "2,758 (men) to be precise." It's only been a hundred years ago when most citizens thought that bicycling was bad for women. People thought then that riding bicycles "was immoral, unfeminine and unhealthful." In addition, "it would intoxicate women to immoral acts, destroy families and wreck homes." Now we know how our troubles today began. Victims and their women supporters of Kampala, Uganda are demanding that sex offenders be given the ultimate penalty. At a demonstration in this capital city, their petition stated "that men were in possession of a potentially dangerous instrument which should be cut off unless it is properly used." In Sunnyvale, California one woman who was forced to perform oral sex on her rapist bit off one of his testicles. A police spokesman said, "She thought she was going to die." In Ohio, a man had one of his balls bitten off after he hit a hooker. According to the man, the woman was playing a little too hard while mouthing his balls and he slapped her. Trouble was she clamped down hard and now the man has only one left. A West Chester, Pennsylvania man also lost one of his balls in a freak accident. This had nothing to do with a woman. After everyone left to go to lunch, the unnamed man apparently liked to masturbate on the canvas drive-belt of a machine where he worked but lost control when he had an orgasm and his left nut was severed. The doctor who treated him commented, "I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification." The wedding reception too long? Seems newlyweds, Peter and Gillie Harries of Australia thought so. When their guests kept finding excuses to hang around the party, they asked police to evict all eight of the malingerers. Jeff Anderson was scuba diving off Huntington Beach when things got a little out of hand. Seems four horny male dolphins got too frisky and tried to sexually assault him. Eventually rescued by his diving partners, Anderson said, "I really thought I would run out of air and drown while being raped by dolphins. Wouldn't that have been something for my parents to live with?" Manual and Elsy Alvarez sued Pepsi-Cola and Winn-Dixie, a grocery store. Apparently the bottle cap he purchased popped off, "spraying his face and eyes." He subsequently could not work and had numerous medical expenses. His wife also sued saying that she lost "her husband's companionship, sex, society and services." A Canadian man has sued his pharmacist for $220,000. After being diagnosed with the venereal disease chlamydia, he was given canthacur instead podophyline to cure him. Canthacur, an acid based medication, ended up giving third degree burns to his penis and he couldn't have sex for a year. Bank robbers falling in love? That's not unusual but when the robber falls for the teller, then that's big trouble. After Paul Howells successfully stole the money from a bank in Norfolk, Nebraska, he called the aforementioned teller to apologize. But to no avail, for she kept him on the line long enough for the police to arrest him. Burglars apparently have not been doing well of late. One in Rio de Janeiro who does a good imitation of Spiderman has been robbing women since 1987. Hector Jobim was recently caught when he returned to the scene of the crime when the housewife he robbed asked to have sex with him later on. In Japan, phone sex is advertised believe it or not in phone booths. Usually a business card or sticker with a picture of a young lady is attached to the booth at eye level. Frustrated commuters at the train stations can then call the woman of their dreams while they wait. A woman in Chicago has been convicted of soliciting prostitutes for her husband and two married sons. As explained to the judge, Jilleta Summers procured the women because her husband who works late, often woke her up to have sex. She grew tired of this and committed that crime. Additionally, Ms. Summers forced the maid to have sex with her sons. Just recently in London, England a couple was arrested for smoking and making love on a train. Seems the amorous twosome made love while everyone either watched or ignored them. When they finished, they both lit up cigarettes in the non-smoking area and that's when the other passengers complained to the police. After giving birth to her first baby, Mrs. Rose Stewart of New Zealand rose out of the bed and proceeded to hit her husband with a saucepan. The poor man ended up in the hospital with a severe concussion. After the police arrested the woman, they asked how could she do such a thing. She told them, "it was for the pain he made me go through having this baby." Students at San Francisco State University in the city organized and armed themselves against an intruder in their dormitories. The pervert apparently had been sneaking into their rooms, removing the bed covers and licking their toes. The last time he was chased away. Speaking of toes, San Francisco isn't the only city that has this fetish. In Englewood, New Jersey a man described as "neatly dressed," accosted a woman in a parking lot by falling to his knees and quickly removing her shoes and kissing them. Detective Captain Kenneth Tinsley commented, the assault "appeared to be quite odd." In Isla Vista, California a record store gave away over 300 CDs. Seems that in order to promote "Have a Nude Day" they said anyone who would come to the store in the buff would receive a CD. There was a tremendous line by the time the owners arrived. Italian film star Mastroianni was recently quoted as saying he has a wife and a mistress. From his wife, he gets love, understanding and sensitivity. His mistress gives him love, passion and sensuality. He also says his wife does really understand "the Italian way." Copyright 1997 XXXXpress -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----