Message-ID: <6542eli$9803011642@qz.little-neck.ny.us> From: Celeste801 Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 262 - Feb 28 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <5f62ea2c.34f9bb66@aol.com> X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 262 - February 28, 1998 Note: A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they were alone in the Church. "Where Reverend ?" she enthusiastically replied. "Right here on the floor." he panted. "It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up ?" "Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses ?" he shouted. "If anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing." Second note: There has been some discussion on a.s.s.d. recently about "the reviewing process." Since Celestial Reviews is the main source of reviews on this newsgroup, I guess some of that discussion has been about CR. Because the a.s.s.d. newsgroup is so full of spam and because AOL gives me no effective way to control spam within a newsgroup, I don't have time to follow a.s.s.d. carefully; and so I may have a distorted impression of the discussion there. In fact, I am almost CERTAIN that I have a distorted impression, because the main point as I understand it is so blatantly silly. What I see is a complaint that "the reviews" are having an unfortunate tendency to weaken the quality of stories by scaring away good authors. This happens, supposedly, because a clique of reviewers give low ratings in personal preference to stories that they find to be personally displeasing. These critics seem to think that a bunch of friendly people like myself and the guest reviewers, who receive no payment at all for their services, are supposed to rate stories based solely on their "quality," which can be ascertained independently of their content. Either that or we're supposed to selflessly boil down the plots of every conceivable story to just a few lines, so that people can find the ones that sound good without the annoyance of finding out whether we liked the story. {If that sounds silly, I warned you. I suspect I am dealing with a "straw man" here, but that still gives me a basis for making the following points.} First, let me try to point out the basic lack of logic in this argument. If I read a story in which a person writes coherent, complete sentences with a well-developed plot about how much fun it is to have his wife shove shit down his throat while he plays with his own penis, I think I have a right to perceive this as abnormal or dysfunctional behavior. To say that this is a well written story would miss the point: it's primarily a really silly story, and it's only appropriate that I should point this out in a review. As for personal attacks, I think we should avoid them. I personally dislike personal attacks when people malign me. When one "critic" berated me for "having no respect for author's rights," I was certainly annoyed. The attack was absolutely preposterous and the person who said it should have known better. On the other hand, he seemed to be a decent sort and probably had no idea how abrasive he could be. I let that comment slide, and I encourage others to let apparently hostile comments slide. These newsgroups give us a forum in which it is sometimes hard to judge the nuances and real meanings of what others want to say. I suppose I am viewed as abrasive sometimes by people to whom I intend to be friendly. So it goes. If the author in the shit-eating story I mentioned above insisted that his was a "true" story, I'm not sure that it would be out of the question to consider this author to be a bizarre person. If one of my guest reviewers states that he hated a story because it romanticized sociopathic behaviors, I am not going to insist that he say something nicer. I do NOT think that authors "get off the hook" with simple disclaimers that "these events are fiction." If a person writes a bdsm story that romanticizes cruelty and gives no basis for accepting this scenario as either realistic or a good fantasy - in other words, if the story itself pretty clearly says that it is fulfilling both to the victim and the perpetrator when one person is brutally cruel to another and gives no evidence to show why this is a sensible story - then it makes sense to be critical of that story. Keep in mind, however, that Edgar Alan Poe wrote GREAT stories in which the plots and personalities were bizarre. Some people on this newsgroup do the same. My humble advice is that when a responsible reviewer says a story sucks the author should at least consider the possibility that the story could stand substantial improvement. Certainly, there are other cases where the difference between "normal" and "dysfunctional" is not so clear. Pedophile and incest stories are a good example. As I have said many, many times, I think society's prohibition of these behaviors generally makes sense; and I would not be upset if people convicted of abusive pedophile behaviors received severe punishment. I also presume and pray that police officers hang around in cyberspace and track down perpetrators who abuse real-life children through the Internet. Having said this, I still think it is possible to write a good story about pedophilia or incest. For example, I recall a story by Ann Douglas in which a mother was afraid that her son would enter into a bad relationship and made tender love to him as a step in preventing a bad decision on his part. I also think it is natural for children to fantasize about sex with their parents - isn't that what the Oedipus complex is all about? In real life, however, I do NOT think that most mothers should play bury the salami with their sons; but I have frequently given high ratings to stories that give a sensible depiction of pedophile or incestuous behavior. However, I would venture to say that 90% of the pedo/incest stories posted to this newsgroup are childish gibberish - the output of adolescent or disturbed imaginations of people who are trying to find approval for behaviors that would be harmful to themselves and to others. I have no need to denounce these people as evil or as perverts; in fact, I assume most of them are good people. But it seems to me that it should not be surprising that a lot of these stories are not worth recommending. As a non-pedo/incest person, can I review these stories? Certainly I can. I just may not WANT to spend my time on them very often - because stories that are outright silly or that romanticize destructive behaviors are not a lot of fun for me to read. I honestly feel that I give a fair break to stories that are based on value systems, premises, and life experiences that are different from my own. Although many of my guest reviewers decline to review pedo/incest stories, I wish they wouldn't do that so often. I suspect the reason they do so is that they (1) find the task to be unpleasant or (2) feel they will say negative things about the story because it seems objectively negative to them. I think the first is a good reason, and the second not as good. Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy these Celestial Reviews. If the "appeal to reviewer" rating bothers you, just skip it. Personally, I consider these "reviews" to be more than reviews. For example, I am not so stupid as to believe that my "review" of DG's "Call of Desire" was really a review of that story - it was a story itself, using DG's story as a jump-off point. At other times I inject anecdotes from my own life into a review or poke fun at an author. I believe I am generally writing essays that lots of people enjoy. I take great pleasure in doing this, and my readers seem to like what I write. Many of the guest reviewers prefer a different style of interacting with authors and reviewers, and I encourage them to keep right on being themselves. These stories can be fun, and the reviews can make them even more enjoyable. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (romantic bdsm) 10, 10, 10 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591257 "Arg" by OddManOut (barbarian rape) 9, 9, 9 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602152 "Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender (elevator rape) 9, 7, 5 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327664759 "Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (abduction fantasy) 10, 10, 10 "Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (fantasy fulfillment) 10, 10, 10 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426360 "Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany (sexual degradation) 7, 5, 3 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128607 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128602 Guest Reviews: "Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster (criminal sex) 9, 10, 9 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300334 "Camping Out" by Val White (kiddy orgy) 8, 6, 4 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602198 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250798 "Border Crossing" (MF MF) by Fenris (strip search & rape) 8, 9, 9 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt "Until Dawn" by Kelly (romantic D/s) 8, 9, 9 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869346 "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog (consensual gangbang) 9, 9, 9 http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt Reposted Reviews: * "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (playful sex) 10, 8, 9 http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=194301848 * "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane" (ff computer show sex) 9.27A http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250794 * = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been reposted) "Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). The author's stories are available at http://www.u36.com/jordan. For her 21st birthday Becky has arranged a semi-blind date with an older married man she has met on the Internet. As soon as he meets her, he asks her to insert a butt plug, and she acquiesces. Then they go out to dinner - nouvelle cuisine. Plausible? Well, I guess it depends on what they have already talked about via email. At the restaurant he gives her a safe word and a quit sentence. And they're off to the races. I'm not a big bdsm fan myself, but I really enjoyed this story. It's intelligent - not childish. It focuses not on degradation or humiliation, but on the mutual pleasure of both partners. Even if I never do this myself, this story has broadened my horizons. I like that kind of story a lot. Ratings for "Just This Once" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Arg" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com). The name "Arg" not only designates the hero of this story, it also suggests his IQ, or at least his level of civilization. In programs like Mathematica and Matlab "Arg" is the term used to refer to the argument of a given function. The monosyllabic and eponymous hero of this story is not a mathematician, and his functions are severely limited. In this story, 'Arg' is the name of a barbarian warrior. Those of you who found this story through DejaNews in a quest for tips on Mathematica or Matlab will be disappointed. Instead, this story contains graphic depictions of non-consensual sex in a fantasy setting. So be warned! Apparently Arg has single-handedly conquered a band of warriors who owe allegiance to the evil warlord Balrag. Among Arg's booty is the beautiful young Nala. He feeds her and fucks her. In fact, he pops her cherry and makes her enjoy it. I've never been raped by a barbarian - or even by a lawyer, for that matter - but the description seemed realistic. The author seems to play a little loose with his language. For example, I don't know what he means by a "harrier," and wigwams were specialized dwellings used by a limited number of American Indians, and North America does not seem to be the setting of this story. Ratings for "Arg" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender (Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Lawrence has invited Beth to dinner. The invitation is for an awkward time, but Beth seems to like Lawrence (who is wealthy), and so she accepts the invitation. Besides, its at Horizons, one of the most interesting restaurants in Toronto. Now here's where my cultural ignorance puts me at a disadvantage. The woman gives her last money to the cab driver, and then she discovers that she has to pay twelve dollars to ride the elevator to the restaurant. The elevator operator lets her ride for free, enigmatically saying that he'll be paid later. The operator is accompanied by two Mafia-style goons, who hold Beth while he rapes her. My cultural problem is that I don't understand (1) why a person would have to pay to ride an elevator to meet someone in a restaurant, (2) why she couldn't call ahead and get someone to summon her boyfriend to help her, and (3) why there are no laws against raping women in elevators in Toronto. I guess maybe this is what the author meant when he said he exercised some artistic license. Anyway, since rape is inevitable, she relaxes and enjoys it. Actually, she doesn't enjoy it. She hates it. But she enjoys it. But she hates it. But she agrees to do it again right away with another guy. I want to avoid moralizing - I really do; and so don't take this as moral disapproval. However, I'm not convinced that the author has set up a good enough context to make me believe that this woman would react to a rape quite the way she does. And we STILL don't know how she's going to pay for the cab ride home! Ratings for "Paying for the Ride" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). A man and his wife are having one of those to-tell-the-truth sessions, and he is relating to her an interesting sexual escapade from his college days. I don't want to give you all the details. He is walking home from a late- night study session, when a senior girl invites him into her van. He is blindfolded and is promised a good time if he follows instructions. You can well imagine what those instructions might be. While the man is relating this story, his wife is giving him one hot ride. Although the wife never speaks and the husband only vaguely describes what she is doing to him (because he's trying to concentrate on the to-tell-the-truth story, of course), I managed to get a rather inspiring picture of what was happening to him. This was a very good storytelling technique. Another excellent story! Ratings for "Roadside Encounter" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). The author's stories are archived at http://www.io.com/~thebear/dgidx.htm. Two couples are partying together and decided that it would be great to have the wives write down their deepest, darkest fantasies and share them with their husbands, who will help bring the fantasies to fruition. A few days later one couple has a bdsm fantasy, the other is getting the massage of her life. I can't tell you much more, except to say that the author adds a postscript indicating that he laughed his ass off when he thought of the idea. The story also reminded me of the time my sister-in-law was in charge of assigning names for the Christmas present exchange, and she assigned everyone her own name. Actually, the title is wrong: there are MORE than two fantasies in this story. I started this story with some apprehension, but I wound up laughing my own ass off. Ratings for "Two Women, Two Fantasies" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany. The husband has lost the family fortune and has gone away to try to get a job. Mom is going to have to move in with Sis and her gang of dysfunctional weirdoes. In order for Mom and the virgin daughter to survive, the daughter is going to have to satisfy the sexual needs of these sadistic perverts. Mom doesn't like the idea, of course; but she has an orgasm every time she even thinks about sacrificing her cute little sex kitten for the good of the family. When they get off the bus to meet their relatives, they find that plans have changed a little. There's a bit with an elderly black guy and the news that Ginger's cherry will be popped by a neighbor (in exchange for a pig), and the kids are even dumber than we have been led to believe. These people make Arg seem positively polysyllabic. Then the story stops. I had really expected something better than this. As it is, this story has value primarily as a satire - a really bad satire - on the theory of sexual relativity. Ratings for "Sacrificial Lamb" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3 "Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster@worldnet.att.net. Our hero tends bar, and a lovely lady customer makes a pass. After a while she proposes the pair of them commit a big robbery she's planned, The lovers will make their fortunes and leave the country together. It doesn't turn out like that. The sex is hot and straight, though oddly one-sided. >Unlike the quick rutting of our earlier sex, this time I slowed the tempo >even as I raised her to greater heights of passion and orgasm. The hero obviously belongs to the man as violinist, woman as violin school of lovemaking - whereas I like to fiddle about on my own account. The sex is the least important part. I find this story difficult because I'm still not sure why I like it. Raymond Chandler is, in my view, one of the great writers of this century. And there is something, just a tiny smidgen, of his laconic beat in this - though none of his lyricism. And yet is this trace any more than the effect Chandler's work has had on every PI narrative since? Who can tell? Not this reviewer. I've read this story three times slowly, and I can tell you what's wrong with it, but I'm still not sure what's right. Though there's a lot more right than wrong. In some ways this story is very cliched, but it worked for me. Which is weird in itself, because there are a number of typos, and errors. Glitches in formatting, typos, misspellings - all these things usually put me off my stride as a reader but they didn't bother me much this time. The author clearly can produce perfect copy, just hasn't in this instance. I sympathize - I've done it too in my impatience to post, but I've had to take a mark off. I think it's the pace that works so well. There's a rhythm to the story, and this works. And the level of detail is well judged. I could see it unrolling like a movie. Kim Basinger as the heroine. Gerard Depardieu as the hero, maybe. Choose your own cast, but you get the picture. Along these means streets stumbles a flummoxed reviewer. Ratings for "Transparent Like Glass" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9 - not sexy, but I liked it. "Camping Out" by Val White (e-mail val72@hotmail.com). Guest Review by BillyG. I have nothing against a formulaic method of writing. Hell, at root, most stories follow some sort of outline and many are very successful. No, I don't object to a formula per se, just one that's too simplistic perhaps. The story "Camping Out" appears to adopt the belief that if one is good, two is better, and three is better yet. It's the numbers' game of writing a story about sex. The fallacy, of course, lies in the fact that more people involved in sexual acts are not more sexy. Too, it stretches credibility when we're asked to embrace the scenario of three, 13-year-old boys, each with four-inch dicks, all of whom love to get it on together. That they can masturbate each other, suck each other, and even fuck each other in the ass, strains our capacity to identify a bit more. Then we're given some relief to learn that they aren't really homosexual because they don't kiss one another! Whew! Had me worried for a moment. Too humdrum? Enter three, 13-year-old girls in this 'camping out' story of seduction and sexual abandon. They too have discovered the convenience as well as the pleasure of same-sex activities. But don't worry, they're really there to get it on with the boys. Gosh, I didn't mean to give away the entire plot! Oh well. It's the action, not the plot anyway. So, what do we have, aside from the formulaic 'more is better' trap, coupled with round-heeled chicks? Not much. This type of story would be better told were it about characters that appeared real, in a less contrived situation and with some elements of seduction. Ratings for "Camping Out" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 6 BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Border Crossing" by Fenris (mailto:fenriskw@aol.com) DejaNews link: http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379 ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com) This story is about two American girls on vacation in Europe. As their train makes a night-time crossing from Switzerland into Italy, a guard comes to their compartment and finds two joints that one of the girls has in her backpack. He calls another guard to the compartment and they search the girls' luggage, then the girls themselves. Guess what - the guards start groping the girls during the body frisk, then strip them and have sex with them, and of course the girls both enjoy every minute of it. The story is written from the point of view of Paige, one of the two girls involved. The only problem with using this single POV comes when the sex begins and Paige has to do double duty, narrating her own experience and also watching her friend Julie and describing what is happening to her. Paragraph by paragraph the narrative begins to flip back and forth between Paige-as- Paige and Paige- watching-Julie. At times it was difficult to determine what was being done to whom. (It didn't help that the guards had no names or even labels -- just "the guard that was fucking Paige" and "the guard that was fucking Julie" -- even calling them "the tall guard" and "the short guard" would have been some improvement.) There is precious little plot or character development, other than Paige being afraid of the guards and then deciding that she is enjoying "the strongest sexual experience of her young life." On the other hand, there isn't room for much development in this story -- it is all action, crammed into a fairly short span of time. The level of development is appropriate to the story. Here is where the "appeal to reviewer" rating may be helpful to someone trying to decide whether or not to read this story. Despite the problems in describing who does what to whom, the story does get pretty hot as Paige gets bent over her bunk and boinked from behind, all the while watching "the other guard" slide his big fat cock first into Julie's pussy and then between her large breasts. Bottom- line, if I happen to run across this story in a repost or something a month from now, I'd probably consider it worth my time to read it again. If you find any of the story description in this review even mildly exciting, you'll probably like the story as well. Ratings for "Border Crossing": Athena (technical merit): 8 Venus (plot and character): 9 Bear (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog (mailto:warthog@boxtwo.com) DejaNews link: http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419 ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com) I don't know if Celeste knew that I was a Warthog fan before she sent me this story, but I feel that I should mention it so that you can take it into account in reading this review. BTW, this story and others by the Warthog are available at his website at http://www.voicenet.com/~cgstorys/warthog/warthog.html . This is a good, solid, sexy story, but I'm afraid it is not quite up to the standards of the Warthog's previous work. I noticed more technical mistakes than I have in the past, although part of that may be that I was reading this one for a review and thus paying more attention to details. None of the Warthog's short stories go into great amounts of plot and character development, and this one was no exception, but I thought the development was appropriate for the story that was told. Unfortunately, where this one fell down was in the area that the Warthog usually excels, which is in exciting, sexy narrative of consensual gangbang scenes. This story tells of a 'contest' conducted every month by the members of a college football team. Two members of the team scout the local pickup bars for likely babes, and the ones that can answer all ten questions in the affirmative share $1000 and the privilege of servicing the whole team at a gangbang party. On this particular evening Angela and Debbie pass the test and go back to the athletic dorm to meet the team. There is a hot sequence of Debbie making it with the narrator in the car on the way to the dorm, and then going 'around the world' with another guy when she gets to the dorm. Then the whole gangbang with the rest of the team is reduced to a simple summary of events in four paragraphs, and the story is over. The sex that is here is hot and well-told, but Angela and the football team might as well not have been included. This would have been an exciting story of one girl with two guys, but it simply doesn't live up to the promise of its beginning. I still liked it, and I'd recommend it for just about any reader -- hey, I gave it a 9:9:9 rating -- it just didn't meet my expectations. Ratings for "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions": Athena (technical merit): 9 Venus: (plot and character): 9 Bear: (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Until Dawn" By Kelly Merriwether (kelly5323@mailexcite.com). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). This review is broken up into two parts. One part is for you, the constant reader. The other part is for the author (who requested some detail) or anyone who really wants to know what works and what does not in an erotica story, at least in my humble opinion. To those who wish to grumble about the blind leading the blind or the blind leading the sighted, I'm sure the author would be more than thrilled if you read the story and sent her your own criticisms (or lack thereof). General Review: This story is about a man who receives a very, very nice birthday present in the form of Kelly who promises to be his slave "Until Dawn." Kelly may have any relationship the reader wants (wife, girlfriend, other) since it is never mentioned. What follows is a very detailed and graphic encounter including several varied positions and toys. The sex here is entirely consensual though since Kelly is new to the submissive role she stumbles (charmingly so in my opinion) on a few occasions. In short, a brief introduction followed by page after page of sex. This should make most people very happy. Those who like to step into the dominance/submission game and come running out giggling like fools will probably idolize this story. It also works as an introductory to the genre as well. There really aren't many "serious" D/S cherry busting stories out there and this one makes a fairly good stab at introducing the appeals. Detailed Review: There are several things that worked in this story. First, Kelly was left relationship free, even age and physique free so the reader is free to fill in the blanks (My Kelly remarkably resembled Darma from "Darma and Greg" your results may vary) . Another very good point was the premise, giving one's self as a present has been done before of course but this fell within the tastefully handled category. The most important good point however was Kelly who, unused to being a submissive, stumbles a bit in her role. I personally very much enjoyed the fumbling. There are a few technical problems with this story. The first problem, is a lack of transitions. Transitions are words that smooth the reading from sentence to sentence. Without Transitions you tend to get a story that reads like a government approved manual (He did this, he did that, he went up, he went down, she rolled her eyes in dismay). With transitions the reading is more varied and I've been taught that is a good thing (He did this, then he did that, blissfully he went down, however he did not enjoy going up as much, especially when she rolled her eyes in dismay). Second, this story is written in what is called third person omniscient. That is the narrator (invisible) tries to explore the feelings of both the man and the woman: He felt incredibly good as he plunged his swollen cock down her throat. But Kelly was in a panic as she found herself unable to breath. There is rarely such a balanced approach as the story (or the reader) seeks a natural focus. This story tends to focus on the man while at times confuses the reader by changing the focus to the woman and then back to the man again. It actually would have made more sense to follow the woman more closely than the man. While it's true the man was the beneficiary of an unusual gift, it was the woman who was by far the more interesting as she struggled in an unusual role for her, it was also the woman who CHANGED. In my opinion this story would have been even better if the author had chosen to write in first person from the woman's point of view: I stepped up to him and said, "I'm yours until dawn." These are, however, nit-picks and placed in this review for the authors benefit. In actuality I did enjoy this story though it was a bit outside of my preferred "sex between equals" domain. It's my belief that this author does show great promise, and I do recommend you read this story if only to anticipate that which is to cum - er come. Ratings for "Until Dawn" Athena (technical quality): 8-- Needs transitions otherwise very nice. Venus (plot & character): 9 -- Good idea, point off for the forced male perspective. Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 8 - An enjoyable story. * "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (nobody@REPLAY.COM). This is an interesting snippet that describes the playful sexual exchanges between a husband and wife while he helps her get the snarls out of her beautiful, long hair. I have given this author so many perfect ratings recently that I feel compelled to find excuses for giving ratings of less than 10. There's nothing wrong with this story; it's just short a short chunk of the life of two people in love rather than a complete story. But it's still very good. Ratings for "Snarl" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). Guest review by M1KE Hunt. "Woman2Woman" is a fun read, zippy and straightforward, with few distractions to pull you away from the story of the seduction of one woman by another. Christine and Laura are sales reps at a computer show, and meet each other while standing on the floor for 10 hours fending off propositions from men. At one point in the shared cab ride back to the hotel, Christine, the narrator, asks ""Is getting laid the only reason these guys come here?" This is one of the few distractions, because the answer, obviously, is "yes." I've been to computer shows. The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give Christine a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out that they both end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend the next several days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting at the display to show each other their pussies, and generally having a lovely time. The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't they all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing errors, such as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what? And there are words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick proofreading would have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's niggling, but if I didn't catch at least a couple of grammatical errors, I wouldn't be doing my job as a reviewer, right? I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt" scale, a logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot, sexuality, spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical factors such as whether it's Tuesday or not. {end of review} GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: QUOTATIONS. Several people have asked me to give some advice on the use of quotations, including quotation marks and punctuation. This is a first draft, and I would appreciate any help on getting it into better shape. DIRECT QUOTATIONS: In general, when you quote someone exactly, put the quoted words in quotation marks. {An exact quotation is often referred to as a "direct quotation."} He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and said, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" She leaned over so that he could see her naked breasts with the nipples pressing out against the bright yellow material and whispered, "Wanna fuck?" Ordinarily, you should use a comma to separate introductory or concluding words from the direct quotation. This is true whether the words that describe the statement come before the direct quotation (as in the preceding examples) or after the direct quotation. When the quotation comes before the explanatory statement, the comma replaces a period. When she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no longer, she said to him, "Come on my tits." "Come on my tits," she said to him, when she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no longer. If the statement precedes the explanatory statement and ends in an exclamation point or question mark, keep that punctuation mark INSTEAD OF the comma. "Wanna fuck?" she asked. She purred, "Wanna fuck?" As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and suck his penis, causing him to shout, "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" he shouted, as she gently fondled his testicles, while she continued to lick and suck his penis. "How badly do you need the money?" the horny hunk asked. If you want a more formal introduction of the quoted words, use a colon instead of a comma. This more formal introduction will almost always be a full sentence. She spoke thus: "Wanna fuck?" As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and suck his penis, causing him to shout one word: "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" Also, if a quotation is extremely long, use a colon instead of a comma. "Long" means different things to different people, and authors vary in their application of this rule. In general, if the quoted statement is a single sentence, use a comma to introduce it. If it is more than a single sentence, use a colon - unless the sentences are extremely short. She said: "You look like a guy who needs a woman to understand him. By the looks of that bulge in your pants, you are happy to see me. My mother told me a hard man is good to find. I haven't had a good or hard man in a long time. Wanna fuck?" She said, "Wanna fuck? I sure hope so!" If the quotation is extremely long - that is, if it goes on for more than one paragraph, put quotation marks at the beginning of each paragraph. However, put an end quotation mark only at the end of the final paragraph of the quoted statement. The absence of quotation marks at the end of the other paragraphs signifies to the reader that the conversation continues in the next paragraph. If you have a quotation within a quotation, rotate between single and double quotation marks. {Use an apostrophe for the single quotation mark.} In the United States, the double marks go with the outermost quotation; in Europe the single marks go with the outermost quotation. Peggy Sue said, "I love it when a man comes up to me and straight out says to me, 'Wanna fuck?' I don't like men who beat around my bush." An INDIRECT QUOTATION usually does not quote the exact words, but rather paraphrases what the speaker said. An indirect quotation is usually introduced by "that" and does not employ quotation marks. Note that with indirect quotations, the verb tense and some other elements of the original statement change to give the right impression of the timing of the quoted material with regard to the explanatory material. Sometimes the word "that" is omitted from an indirect quotation. Direct quotation: He said, "I want to make love to you." Indirect quotation: He said that he wanted to make love to me. Indirect quotation: He said he wanted to make love to me. Direct quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth, "I'd like to bury my beef bayonet in your haystack tonight." Indirect quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth that he'd like to bury his beef bayonet in her haystack that night. Indirect QUESTIONS often begin with "if" or "whether." In addition, they may begin with any word that ordinarily asks a question. Indirect questions do NOT end with a question mark. Direct question. "Wanna fuck?" she asked. Indirect question: She asked me if I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: She asked me whether I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: She asked me how often I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: She asked me how desperately I wanted to fuck. Indirect question: He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this. Although quotation marks are generally not used with indirect quotations, sometimes it IS proper to use them in order to emphasize that the portion within the quotation marks represent the exact words of the original speaker. He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what what "a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this." She asked me "how desperately" I wanted to fuck. Note that in the first of the preceding examples the writer changed the speaker's words slightly - "is" became "was." This is normally considered to be acceptable. If you are uncertain whether you have the right to alter the speakers words, use a direct quotation. OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE QUOTATIONS: In addition to using quotation marks and indirect quotations, it is possible to quote people in other ways. When you are formally quoting a long passage (say, a whole paragraph from a book or a major portion of a speech), it may be desirable to set the material off in the text by indenting it. If you do this, introduce it with a colon. Then indent all the quoted material. A format like the following is often desirable: While she waited, Peggi read the church bulletin that she always carried with her. The pastor had a sense of humor: It seems that two brothers died and went before St. Peter. The first was a politician who had voted for legislation that enriched himself at the expense of the poor and downtrodden. St. Peter sentenced him to a very hot part of hell, where his job would be to clean up excrement deposited by animals. As the man was leaving, he saw his brother, who had been an unscrupulous lawyer, but who now had a voluptuous blonde in a low-cut dress on his arm. The man was startled, because he knew that his brother had made his living largely by suing churches and poor people. The outraged man turned to St. Peter and said, "Hey! That's not fair!" St. Peter replied, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?" In the preceding example, the whole quotation from the church bulletin (beginning with "It seems that... ") is indented, so that readers know where the quoted material begins and ends. Quotation marks are not necessary: the indentation serves the same purpose. Within that lengthy quotation, other direct quotations follow the normal rules. In some cases, - for example, when you are quoting a lengthy dialogue - it is also possible to omit the quotation marks altogether by using a play/script format, as in the following example from my story "Virtuous Reality": Madonna: Well, let's see, the names of the people that I have had sex with recently... Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night, What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon... Oprah: That's what I want to find out. So tell me. Madonna: I just said Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night, What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon.... Oprah: You've had sex with these guys? Madonna: Yes. Oprah: And was it good? Madonna: It's always good. Oprah: And you talked to them before, during, or after sex? Madonna: Yes. Oprah: And you still don't know their names? Madonna: Well, I certainly do. Finally, some authors of fiction quote people directly without using quotation marks. They seem to make a distinction between quoted speech (which receives quotation marks) and quoted thoughts (which do not). WHAT ELSE GOES INSIDE QUOTATION MARKS? Titles of short writings or works of art are usually put in quotation marks. While he fucked her in the ass, she heard him humming "Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins. Most of what she knew about sex she had learned by "Friends" on TV. The titles of longer writings and more sophisticated works of art are usually italicized (or underlined, if italics are not available). Since underling and italics are impossible in text files transmitted through e-mail, it has become common practice to use quotation marks for ALL titles. However, some writers prefer to replace underlining with techniques such as the following: The seduction was like a chapter out of _Lady Chatterly_. The seduction was like a chapter out of *Lady Chatterly*. The seduction was like a chapter out of LADY CHATTERLY. Sometimes it is proper to put in quotation marks a word or phrase that you want to define. By "oral sex" I mean either a blowjob or cunnilingus. She, on the other hand, uses the term to refer to talking about sex but not doing it. Sometimes it is proper to put a word or phrase in quotation marks to show that you are using it in an unusual or special sense or to draw attention to the word. He uses language so cleverly that sometimes I think he's a "cunning linguist." {The writer is making a pun about cunnilingus.} He expressed his "love" for her by beating her severely and humiliating her in front of her friends." {The writer is suggesting that the word "love" is being used ironically - that is, the man calls this love, but the writer doubts that this term is accurate.} Avoid the overuse of quotation marks for this purpose. WHERE TO PUT PUNCTUATION. Put inside the quotation marks any punctuation that is actually a part of the quotation. "Did you learn about sex by watching 'TV sitcoms?" he asked, as she began to choke on his cum. Put commas and periods inside the final quotation mark, even if they are not part of the quotation. While she sucked his cock, he gazed in rapture at the picture of "Dogs Playing Poker." "I learned to do this from an episode of 'Beavis and Butthead,'" she said, as she swirled her tongue gently around the tip of his cock. When they are not part of the quotation, put other quotation marks (colons, semicolons, dashes, question marks, etc.) outside the final quotation mark. She had perfected her sexual technique through many hours of watching "Days of Our Lives"; but her partner's training was limited to "Beavis and Butthead." She said, "I want you to come inside me"; but he had already shot his wad all over her tits. Such decisions as whether to use direct or indirect quotations, whether to put the explanatory comments at the beginning, at the end, or in the middle, and whether to use quotation marks are a matter of preference and style. These decisions DO make a difference in the exact nuances conveyed by the quotations, but these distinctions cannot be discussed here. Quotations should be skillfully blended into the text, so that the words of the speakers sound natural. Here's an excerpt from "Virtuous Reality" that contains quoted dialogue. See if you can understand the logic behind how I handled each direct or indirect quotation. As she thought about these problems, Sue sighed deeply and uttered a barely audible murmur: "I'll never write an erotic story again. Dear God, I wish I had never written an erotic story at all." Suddenly, Sue was aware that there was someone else in the room with her. She spun around in her chair and was alarmed to see standing just inside the locked door a beautiful dark haired woman. She was dressed in diaphanous clothing that Sue associated with statues she had seen while cavorting in the Aegean Islands. The woman exuded a sensuous sexuality that made the room come alive. "Who are you?" asked Sue. "And what are you doing here?" "I'm Celeste. We've corresponded through alt.sex.stories. And I'm here to help you." "You're Celeste?" gasped Sue. "The goddess of alt.sex.stories?" "Well," replied the beautiful apparition. "I've been called that; but I'm more like an angel." "You're as beautiful as I imagined you'd be," said Sue, as she continued to wonder what in the world was happening. "And you're almost as beautiful as you say you are in your stories," replied Celeste. After a pause, Celeste continued: "To be honest, I'm not actually a full angel yet. I've met most of the requirements, but I still have to do one more good deed. I've been sent here as sort of your guardian angel. That bit about wishing you had never written an erotic story began with 'Dear God.' That constitutes a prayer. The Boss was upset by your comment, and she sent me here to help you get over your malaise or angst or whatever you want to call it." "Your boss?" replied Sue. When Celeste responded by merely folding her arms and raising her eyes toward the heavens, Sue began to get the message. "I've always heard your Boss referred to as 'he' or 'him,'" she said. "Actually, my Boss is neither a he nor a she," answered Celeste. "I just prefer the feminine pronoun, because so many men are assholes. Men write stories on a.s.s. that degrade women and describe harm to little boys and girls. But this isn't a theological essay. It's a sex story. Can I get on with what I came here for?" -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |