Message-ID: <7739eli$9801231816@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Andrew Roller Subject: FUCK DECENCY 341 Dungeon of Desire NND g2 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Reply-To: roller666@earthlink.net Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <34C85716.474F@earthlink.net> --------------------------------------------------------------- PROBLEMS? Please try viewing this with Netscape Navigator. --------------------------------------------------------------- DON’T TELL ANYONE THAT WE HAD SEX, OKAY? (I’m practising to be president - h.j.) Andrew Roller Presents FUCK DECENCY Sponsored by: Innocent Interns, Inc. 1-800-HOT TWAT Issue No. 341 Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in Dungeon of Desire Chapter Three “I am not cocky, just protecting a Lady,” my Officer replied. “Toss me a blade, then, fool. You can spend the rest of your life making cheap porn after you’ve sewn yourself back on!” Sauron bellowed. His voice was quite sinister. My Officer, accepting the challenge, in all his aspects, tossed a silver sword to Sauron. My belly plummeted inside when Sauron expertly caught the tossed blade by its handle. Three heads had appeared from the bedroom door. Two females, as I’d suspected, and a male. Obviously the second male was another Officer. One of the girls rushed out from the safety of the bedroom and ran to a low table which stood next to the wall where the swords had hung. There, arranged decoratively, were leather fencing gloves. “Wait! You must have these--and pants also!” the girl cried. She had long honey-blonde hair that swirled round her as she tried desperately to outfit her boyfriend in safety. “No! I need nothing,” my Officer, her Officer too, I guessed, replied. “Give me the gloves,” Sauron said. “I need not cut my hands dealing with this cocksure urchin.” The girl, hesitant, at last threw him a pair of gloves. His gaze was too malevolent to cross, armed with anything less than a cock and a sword. She had neither. Slipping the gloves on, tying them behind each of his wrists with the help of Katy, and me also, drafted in his service, Sauron laughed out loud and sneered at my would-be savior. “Do you not know, son, that I am a retired military officer? I will teach you a thing or two about fencing! And your dick also! I taught fencing at the Academy!” Serving my Master as obediently as I must, I nonetheless managed a quick glance at my Officer friend. He seemed a little pale, realizing his odds were not as he’d supposed them. Sauron flourished his sword as soon as he had his gloves on. My savior, still abstaining from any protection whatever, held his sword bare-handed. “Now I will make quick work of your cock,” Sauron laughed. “Please, DON’T!” I cried. He looked at me and might have slapped me but Katy hit my face first, with her palm. I howled and tears stung my cheeks. She grabbed me anew by my collar and held me tightly against her. “Do you like him? Yes? Watch as Your Master cuts him down to size,” Katy laughed in my ear. I could do nothing. In horror I watched as Sauron advanced on my Officer. “Stop! What are you doing?” I heard shouted from the end of the hall, where the stairs were. It was Miriam. Sauron ignored her. And, nobly, resisting any attempt to save him, so did my Officer. “Would you like your balls cut off also?” Sauron asked with obvious glee. “I should ask the same of you, I think,” my Officer replied. “I at least have the good sense to not be erect,” Sauron said, admiring a little, I think, the length and breadth of his opponent’s cock. “Perhaps you would like to jerk yourself off, first. I will wait. It will not save you, but it will make you look like the jerk-off you really are,” Sauron laughed. My Officer made no reply. Instead he held his silver sword aloft, waiting for the duel to begin. “Very well, then. They should have castrated you Citadel nerds during Hell week, instead of making a man of the Academy do it for them,” Sauron snarled. And he struck. Below the belt, quite illegally, aiming to undo my savior in one fell swoop. Like Luke facing Darth Vader, my Officer somehow avoided the blow, bringing his sword quickly down and countering it. Yet, watching, my knees trembling uncontrollably, my nipples on my heavy breasts tremulous, I remembered how the Jedi sword fight in Star Wars turned out. Obi Wan died at Darth’s hand, and Luke lost his hand. My Officer boyfriend parried Sauron’s next blow, and his next, and then struck back with a swift slice of his own. Somehow his sword glanced off Sauron’s leather glove (of his sword hand) and cut into his arm. Sauron, looking down, stared in shock as the superficial wound began bleeding. Then, bellowing, glaring in hatred at my would-be savior, he struck in a fury of blows. Each one, I was sure, would undo my Officer forever. Yet, when the flurry of thrusts subsided, my hero had only a slight cut on his unprotected hand. His organ still stood firm and tall, sticking itself boldly forth. It seemed oblivious to the danger it faced. COMMENTARY by holy joe Now, let’s face it. A ripe young thing is wiggling around the White House and you’re president. What’s the point of being president if you don’t get to fuck some hot ass? Really, America. Have you forgotten how guys’ brains work? The *only* reason most guys do anything is so they can meet girls. And you’re absolutely right; I did not say: the only reason most guys do anything is so they can meet 50-year-old women. Sure, maybe the Intern is only a few years older than Clinton’s daughter. But that’s just how guys’ brains are. Men are designed to want young, reproductively healthy females. Why? Because a female’s child-bearing years end around age 35. In previous eras, a female’s ability to reproduce probably ended at an even younger age. So, to quote Ann Taylor Fleming: “the younger the better.” This is not the case with female desire, however. What does a female need, sexually? A female needs a big, strong man who can protect her young. The last thing she wants is some little boy. He’d just get clobbered by a male rival, or eaten by a lion. (Staying, for a moment, with the situation as it was in previous eras.) In the case of a man, his ability to reproduce does not end at age 35. A man can get a female pregnant even when he’s 70-years-old. See how that works? Men want the youngest female possible, because her reproductive years are limited. Females, on the other hand, need not worry about a man being too old to sire offspring. What they must worry about is: is he big and strong enough, and savvy enough, to protect the babies I bear him? Sorry, ladies, but you just don’t have what us guys need! Maybe modern medicine can help you, but still, even if it does extend your reproductive years, how will a ‘medical fix’ erase millions of years of evolutionary conditioning out of guys’ minds? Plus, girls are more fun to be with than women. They have better bodies, for one thing. And for another thing, ask yourself this: would most guys rather have a blonde airhead who thinks about bubblegum all day, or some hard-bitten, hard-assed female prosecutor? I have yet to see a single porno magazine titled: “Female Prosecutors”. A feminist might say, “that’s just porn.” True, but porn isn’t free. Us guys spend our hard-earned money on porn! So, not only are girls’ bodies better than womens’ bodies, but their minds are more fun too! Let me explain the mental aspect again: 1. Guys do not think about bubblegum all day. 2. Women do not think about bubblegum all day. 3. Girls DO think about bubblegum all day. (Or equally frivolous matters.) Hence, girls are more fun to be with, even from the mental perspective. Because they are *different*. Hanging around with a woman, on the other hand, is like hanging around with another man. (Except, in the case of a woman, she whines a lot.) I can feel the chill that is currently running up the backs of women reading this essay. They know that while girls might think about bubblegum a lot, that’s not, in fact, all a girl thinks about. She will also know many other things, since she is in tune with the modern world, as it exists at this moment. She will know all the new games, and toys, and all the current names of all the dinosaurs, plus all the latest songs. She will be like the doctor who just graduated from medical school, and knows all the latest procedures. A woman, on the other hand, is like the doctor who graduated years ago, and is still sticking with the old methods. So girls, in addition to thinking about fun, frivolous things (like bubblegum) are also better educated than women. (When’s the last time you actually read Romeo and Juliet, ladies?) Hence, the question, properly framed, is not: What do we, as a society, do with men? The question is: What do we, as a society, do with women over 35? Suggestions, anyone? I know what you’re thinking: Joe, your ideas are pretty great. What if you ran for president, and we all elected you? Would you wind up embarrassing us, like Clinton has? Let me lay out for you exactly what I will do as your president. You will note, first and foremost, that I am not trying to remain “politically viable within the system.” Now, on the matter of women: First of all, I have nothing against women. If a woman is competent to, say, run NASA, fine. She can run NASA. I’m not getting in bed with her, but she can run NASA. Next, there *will* be gays in the military. At one time, when the military was all men, one might have argued, “We can’t let gays in. What if a gay wants to fuck another guy, and he says ‘no,’ and so, in revenge, he’s not promoted?” That might have been a good argument at one time. But now, with women in the military, a guy might not get promoted because he turned down the sexual advances of a female superior. (You know, the ‘real’ reason he didn’t get that promotion.) Or a female might be denied a promotion because she turned down a male superior’s sexual advances. Hence, there is no reason to keep gays out of the military anymore, since the ‘problems’ they might cause, sexually, are no worse than the everyday problems currently occurring in the military between women and men. Next, we will have pedophiles and communists in the military, because a) a ‘pedophile’ is simply a guy with a young girlfriend and b) an American ought to be able to belong to any political party he wants to belong to. Next, I will abolish all of America’s drug laws. If someone wants to get stoned, and it doesn’t affect his work or his driving, he will be able to get stoned. I could go on, but by now you may be experiencing a panic attack. What will Americans do, if everyone can go about their business in life and not be hassled by dumb laws? What will people have left to talk about? Who will they have left to hate? (Very important, for Americans.) My answer is: I don’t know. Maybe Americans will have to learn how to mind their own business again. Maybe they will have to learn what “a book” is, instead of just glueing their minds to trash T.V. for seven hours a day. (‘America’s Most Wanted,’ and all that.) I realize that by liberating Americans from their petty jealousies and fears I am seriously damaging my presidential prospects. But, at least, in my case, you can comfort yourself with two facts: a) I won’t tell you I’ve “had problems in my marriage.” I don’t even have a girlfriend. And, b) I won’t be fucking some 22-year-old Intern. In my opinion, she’s too old! “If this is crap there is plenty more where that came from,” writes Gary Brown, c/o State Mental Hospital, 187 Santa Barbara, Irvine, CA 92606. The laughing Academy by Gary Brown Albert Hall. It was while living the life of a vagrant that Albert came to understand the true meaning of violence and intolerance. On the streets of Mercuria there are few things that are more destructive to the soul than loneliness, Albert was alone most of the time. Alcohol helped to ease the pain of living but it only proved to be a temporary respite. Regardless of all the odds he managed to retain a shallow semblance of sanity although he made a game of outwardly acting in a deranged manner. He even managed to write a chorus to a song that heretofore had remained trapped in his obsessive thoughts: “Violence and loneliness they get all the blame, while life in the academy remains just the same.” The outcome of this dubious song writing event presented Albert with an extraordinarily difficult problem; his whole persona became like Rudolf Hess hopelessly incarcerated in Spandau prison. Everybody involved with the prisoner berated the audience using endless emissions of cerebral injustice, but they secretly supported the process by sliding through life as if they were freaks from a carnival of broken stereotypes. I remember meeting Albert that splendid morning, we were bathed in the anorexic sunlight of winter and divided before the world like an undisciplined army marching through the garden of a man called George. The silence of our momentum roared but nobody heard it because they were busy trying to avoid the shallow nebulosity associated with materialism in a culture of recalcitrant children. AND IN THE END... Never mind the Intern. I’m worried about the dog. -------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------ -Back issues (and stories): type http://www.dejanews.com/ into your browser’s “Location” window. Press your “return” key. Click on “Quick Search”, then type in: roller39@idt.net Press your “return” key. Scroll to the very bottom of the page that appears. Change “Standard” to “Complete” roller39@idt.net is already typed into the window. Click in the window behind the “t” in “.net” Press your “return” key. -Or look under: roller666@earthlink.net -Other providers: Usenet Newsgroup: alt.sex.stories.moderated or by e-mail: file.request@backdrop.com or via the Web: http://www.netusa.net/files/Authors/eli/www/erotica/assm/ -Free minicomics: send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to: Jim Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868 - JOIN the world’s greatest organization! Send $35.00 to The North American Man/Boy Love Association for a one-year membership. NAMBLA, P.O. Box 174, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018. -Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is copyright 1998 and a trademark of Andrew Roller. Work by others copyright 1998 by the respective copyright holder. -END OF 341 EMISSION -Help for presidents with naughty Interns: Paddler Magazine, 6 issues per year, $15.00. 1-516-681-0247. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |