Message-ID: <17566eli$9811260451@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: anon747b@aol.com (Anon 747 b) Subject: {ASSD} "As I Read" reviews, 3 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <19981126013450.26663.00001675@ngol03.aol.com> X-Is-Review: yes Since I'm stuck on not one, but two pieces tonight, I figured I'd take a little while and do some reading. Fair warning, I might be pickier tonight - I've been picking my own stuff apart for the last hour. *grin* If you're one of the authors reviewed, do feel free though to contact me directly if you have a question about what I've written. These really are just impressions written on the fly, as I read. So, once again... looking for consensual sex stories between adults. Turn-ons include hot sexy works with flirting, tension, seduction, etc. . . . turn-offs include over-the-top romance, humiliation, too much domination, out and out force. I'm not looking for stuff I know I won't like, but once I've started reading, I will likely review it. The comments I'm going to try and give are the ones I like getting about my own work. I'll try and pick out the things that work, and don't work - for me. Please remember, I'm only one reader. Everyone is going to have their own take. During a conversation with someone else I pointed out that the last time I was in a writer's group I found reading these types of comments very helpful - even when about other people's work. It gave me insight into how readers view stories, and often helped when I was trying to write my next story. Stories covered: "A Brief Flirtation" by Nick (MF flirtation) "A Lesson for Ken" by Solange LaFemme (MF, MFM, cons) "A Mirror" by DrPanda (not coded) = = = = = = = = = = = Title: A Brief Flirtation Author: Nick Codes: (MF flirtation) URL: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17356.txt A coworker asks another a simple question. "Are you flirting with me?" For her trouble she gets a negative answer. Well, a very detailed negative response. The writing is sharp, entertaining, and a tease. It's a personal preference, but I wouldn't have minded seeing a response from the woman at the end. No matter though, the scene works well as it's written. Title: A Lesson for Ken Author: "Solange Lafemme" Codes: (MF, MFM, cons) URL: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17295.txt The woman in the story is tired of her boyfriend's attitude about gay men. He doesn't have a problem with two women together, but two men? No way! I liked this opening. I've always kind of thought the same. It's almost a given that there were be a lesbian scene in ‘hetero' porn, but the moment two men touch it becomes a ‘bi' film. Carrie decides to teach Ken a lesson, and enlists the help of a gay male friend. They get him a little tipsy, and convince him to let them blindfold him. Then one, or both of them, give him a blowjob. There were a few things I found a little distracting. I'm not up on technical terms, but this is a third person piece. Parts of the story are told from Carrie's view, and part from Ken. At times it even switched during a paragraph. I think it might have read better written from only one point of view, with a little more dialogue. Now, dialogue is a scary thing to start writing into stories. I know I avoided it myself for a long time. Sometimes though it helps set the mood of a story better. An interesting question might be, "How do the guys feel?" For me, the story was interesting. It was neither a turn-on or turn-off. Might be interesting to get a man's view about how realistic the guy's reaction was. It seemed a little too easy. If Ken is so against gay men he gives in too easily. Title: A Mirror Author: DrPanda@myhideout.com Codes: (not coded) URL: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17354.txt Feeling brave, I decided to open it. Although I was tempted to stop at paragraph three, I got to number four before I stopped. "All that great shit. All the stuff you cunts live for." I decided that was enough. Whatever ‘feel' the author was going for I decided it just wasn't worth it for me. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = A short set this time. I just looked at the clock and decided maybe I'd head to bed. Night all ;) Anne To reply by mail - remove the b in the address ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Anne's Erotic Story Archive - http://annejet.pair.com/ Free Story FAQ - http://annejet.pair.com/fs-faq.html -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----