Message-ID: <16535eli$9810150738@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: bitbard@bitbard.pair.com (BitBard) Subject: {ASS/D} Celestial Reviews 308 - Sept 30, 1998 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Reply-To: celeste801@aol.com Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <36265eea.24619746@enews.newsguy.com> X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 308 - Sept 30, 1998 Important note: For some reason, I have lost contact with Bitbard, who serves as my LINK-finder. Somehow, his mail reaches me, but my mail does not seem to be reaching him. I keep sending him the stories for which I need Links, and I keep getting notes from him asking me when I am going to send him a request for Links. I have no idea what is happening. Perhaps Bitbard will see this message and contact me. I am posting this issue without Links. If nothing else, this will emphasize the value of Bitbard's contribution. As soon as he gives me the Links, I'll repost this issue with the Links in place. Note: Jon finds a pair of x-ray glasses at the local novelty shop. Although Jon isn't fully convinced they'll really work, a sales person comes along and closes the deal. On his way home Jon puts on his new x-ray glasses, and bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes the glasses off for a moment, and all the people have their clothes on again. He puts the glasses back on, and everyone is naked again. "Cool!" exclaims Jon to himself. When he arrives home, John is eager to show his new toy to his wife, but he can't find her. When he goes up to the bedroom, he finds his wife and the mailman naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked. "Damn!" he mutters, as he walks out of the room. "I just paid fifty bucks for these things, and they're already broken!" Second note: The Indian scout for the buffalo hunters, put his ear to the ground. "Ugh!" he said. "Deer come!". "How the heck can you tell that?" asked one of the hunters. The scout answered, "Ear sticky!" Third note: In accordance with royal custom, before Snow White and the Prince were married she was examined by a gynecologist to assure her virginity. He fund that her hymen was intact, but it had seven tiny dents. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste ===================== Celestial Reviews: ===================== "Katie & Lyn series" by Gina Marie (ff emerging sexuality) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=394675280 "Precious" by Crimson Dragon (really bad day) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393587728 "On Wilder Shores" by Adhara (dιjΰ vu sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=394318195 "Leyla & Majnuna" by Sista Shakespeare (ff passion) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=391861723 "Receiving End" by pUSSEL (anal ff sex) 5, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=391655588 "How to Succeed in Chicago" by Wombat (friendly sex slavery) 8, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397751272 "Island" by Janey Urquhart (really friendly bondage) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397751246 "Perfect Lover" by Friar Dave (hot science fiction) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772238 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772242 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772246 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772250 "Wet" by November Tuesday (a woman scorned) 9, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397747107 "Oral Interludes - An Odyssey in Frustration" by TomOne (oral sex) 9, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=394561514 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "The Lens as Mirror" by Adhara Rawcalyn (photography and sex). MichaelD: 7, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390000650 "Soccer Mom" by Alden Bradley (no-sex romance). Sven: 8, 8, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390000722 "The Navy Way" by Spoonbender (war and sex). Nick: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392610219 "The Needle and the Dungeon" by MichaelD (virtual sex). Jaybird: 10, 9, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393587656 "The Color of Her Hair" by Steve (sexual encounters). Story Writer: No rating, but unfavorable impression Unarchived "Sex Poker" by Jan Williams (gambling for sex). Owl: 4, 4, 4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393263380 "When Summer Comes" by Hawk Richards (zipless fuck). Leanna: 8, 5, 5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392354621 "One Woman's Fantasy Fulfilled" by Beerfellow (one-night stand). Crimson: 10, 9, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390646193 "Illusion" by Miss Behavin' (sex with boss's wife). Owl: 10, 10, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397751671 ===================== Reposted Stories: ===================== * "March Twenty-First" by Crimson Dragon (hot dreamlike sex) Peters: 10, 10, 6 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333785276 *"The Gold Swizzle Stick" by Zombie Night (miscellaneous orgies) 9.5, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=396285442 ================== "Katie & Lyn series" by Gina Marie (an242967@anon.penet.fi). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=394675280 A long time ago I posted a review of the first six chapters of this series. This is a repost with the seventh chapter. As I reread the series, I was more annoyed this time than previously by the occasional faulty grammar and phraseology. However, as before, I simply forgave the author, because she does such a good job of building anticipation and telling a sexy story. The additional chapter focuses on the introduction of a third female into their small circle of friends. It's really sexy stuff, and the rest of this review is still valid. In response to huge popular demand the author is reposting these stories about two teenage girls (a high school freshman and a sophomore) who become disenchanted with their boyfriends' immaturity and enchanted with one another. This is the hottest girl/girl teen sex I can remember reading. It is hot not because the descriptions are explicit (which is also true) but because the author does such a good job of building anticipation. Just knowing what's going on in Katie's mind makes the actual consummation more interesting and enjoyable. You don't have to be a lesbian to enjoy these stories. Too many young women (and, I would assume, young men too) get the irrational feeling that stories like this are dangerous because they might "become homosexuals" if they happen to enjoy the action. Baloney. Any person with hormones who does not have preset biases against these stories will enjoy them - just as any woman with hormones would enjoy Lyn's hot lips caressing her pussy. The latter mode of experimentation would certainly be ill advised for many young girls, but I hardly think the same can be said for the former. Fantasy can be fun - and understanding how *other* people react to sex can be informative. This advice is probably extremely obvious to a large number of readers, but I think it bears repeating. Neither enjoying the idea of homosexual stimulation or engaging in and enjoying real-life homosexual activities on specific occasions "makes" you a homosexual. Don't label yourself so easily; life is more complicated than that. I myself have no intention of engaging in lesbian sexual activities, because I am already devoted to a monogamous relationship. However, I found these vivid descriptions of two people growing in love and affection for each other to be intensely enjoyable. Ratings for "Katie & Lyn" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Precious" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393587728 This story could be described as the morose self-ruminations of a rejected woman at the end of a bad day. Molested, fired, her ankle nearly broken, her liquor gone, she now finds that her savings have been stolen by her live-in boyfriend who has just dumped her. This story will not win the Good-Humor Stroke Story of the Month Award. Although it sucks as stroke material, this story is excellent as literature. You know – the sort of stuff you read to achieve a more complete insight into life – the stuff that lets you vicariously experience feelings and emotions that, if you're lucky, will probably never happen to you. This is one of those stories where I dislike the abbreviated labels that try to classify it. My advice is to ignore them; just call this one (good story). The author calls it depressing, but I wouldn't. Of course, you'll have to read the story to decide whether "depressing" is an overstatement or an understatement. Ratings for "Precious" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "On Wilder Shores" by Adhara (eros_dreams@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=394318195 When I was growing up, "The Twilight Zone" was a big show. OK, so when I was growing up reruns of "The Twilight Zone" were a big thing. The basic theme of that TV series was that things happened to be people that just couldn't be real – could they? This story is essentially an adult – or promiscuous adolescent – version of "The Twilight Zone." All the erotic dreams that the protagonist has seem to come true at the coffee shop the next day. That can't happen, can it? Not only does this story have deja vu experiences; it also has crashing waves, a rising tide, snaking hips, and a rising crescendo with fingernails digging deep into the into the poor guy's shoulders moments before his release. What more can you ask for? Ratings for "On Wilder Shores" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Leyla & Majnuna" by Sista Shakespeare (sista_shakespeare@my-dejanews.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=391861723 This story is told from the perspective of a bored nurse who is supervising even more bored patients at some kind of a hospital. Well, that should throw off the porn cops, who will assume this cannot possibly be hot stuff. They would be wrong. The nurse is rerunning in her mind's eye her recent activities with her lover, another woman with whom she shares a number of lustful urges. The author tells the tale vividly and passionately. I know I haven't told you much. It's hard to summarize without ruining the story for you, but I strongly recommend this story. Ratings for "Leyla & Majnuna" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Receiving End" by pUSSEL (frederik.pileborg@swipnet.se). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=391655588 Patricia, who brushes her hair vigorously every night before bed, comes home to Jenny with a surprise – a sextoy designed for a part of the anatomy with which they had not previously experimented . In addition, she has got a haircut. The author tells us that the girls in this story wash their butts on a regular basis. That's why there's no shit or foul smells. That's also a hint about the plot of the story. The author also tells us that he corrected this sentence before posting the story: "With light nipples I followed her nipples up to her ear, taking her nipple in my mouth and gently nippled on it." That's nice, but numerous errors remain, including a reference to "extrem excertion of willpower," which could easily have been corrected with a more careful proofreading. In addition, the following sentence would have to involve mirrors, since Patricia is doing both the smiling and the pushing: "Smiling back at Patricia, she pushed a little harder, and suddenly the head slipped past my sphincter." Abandoning my perspective as an English teacher, the author tries to achieve verisimilitude by having the anal sex hurt like hell when it is done badly. Not only that, but I have deliberately fucked up the previous sentence with a dangling modifier. See! They really are worth avoiding. Eventually they get the anal thing right and have pleasant sex together. The author has a good idea here, but he should have developed it properly instead of rushing it to press so quickly after it occurred to him. As it is, we're left with an interesting idea instead of a good story. Ratings for "Receiving End" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "How to Succeed in Chicago" by Wombat (Wombat888@ hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397751272 Our narrator is a female lawyer who has just finished a tough job in Chicago. Her colleague, who has just demonstrated himself to be a competent professional, convinces her to stay over in the Windy City instead of returning to the Big Apple; and he also quickly proves himself to be a good listener. Will he also prove himself to be a good lover? Well, at least he's a very considerate person with a talent for foreplay and a genius for cunnilingus. Hence, they are faced with a decision: Either he can show her the high spots of the city, or they can make this weekend a sexual odyssey – as in exploring new dimensions in sex. So she becomes his sex slave – and really likes it. It's a good story, but just a little too simplistic. I think the author wanted to write something more than a simple stroke story but didn't quite get to the point of fully developed characters. I suspect that people who are already sold on the notion that women derive their main pleasure by following the instructions of a friendly but dominating man may enjoy this story more than those of us who harbor a little skepticism in this regard. Ratings for "How to Succeed in Chicago" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Island" by Janey Urquhart (Janey98@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397751246 Jim and Josh are just humble scientists, but they save Angela's life after she has been drifting about in a life raft. I see a TV series in this…. Josh wants to send for help – maybe even send her to a hospital – but the more experienced Jim gently reminds him that neither of them have had sex with a woman in six months. And as near as I can figure there are no sheep or camels on their island. So Angela recovers her health and feels grateful to the guys, even though she longs for her beau George, who is somewhere else. She figures she'll just make the best of things until Jim gets the radio fixed. But Jim is pulling a Penelope with the radio. To understand that reference, you'll have to check out the Odyssey, where the wife of the Wiley Odysseus pursues a more honorable goal by undoing each day's needlework before the following dawn. The guys are studying El Nina or La Muchacha or something of that ilk. As the plot thickens, they tell Angela that a tsunami is coming. This shows that the author is scientifically literate, since she knows the difference between a tidal wave and a tsunami. However, that's about where my knowledge ends. I don't know for sure that you can predict these things really accurately or that the best way to deal with one would be to shack up in a basement with two sexy guys until the Big One comes and goes. But I suppose it would be worth a try. I mean, it beats sacrificing a virgin…. But I digress. The story has lots of non-sexual details – maybe too many. But as I continued to read, I just KNEW that these three fine people were going to do the wild thing together. But alas! Angela has a conscience, one that puts her between the horns of a dilemma, which is itself a pun-filled metaphor in this case. To put it succinctly, the Guys know perfectly well that Angela wants to practice horizontal folk dancing with them, but her inhibitions stand in her way – she doesn't want to be deliberately unfaithful to what's his name wherever he is. What can they do? Well, remove her inhibitions, of course. How? Well, by tying her up before they fuck her brains out. And so a good time is had by all. A real good time. To put it mildly. Ratings for "Island" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Perfect Lover" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772238 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772242 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772246 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397772250 The man is taking a train home to New York in a blizzard, when he is essentially picked up by a beautiful young Swiss woman whom he invites to come home with him. She is intelligent and charming and a veritable sex machine. Literally. Friar Dave has written numerous excellent stories, and it's always interesting to see where he will go with the next one. This story did not let me down. I'd ruin the story for you if I told you more about where this one goes. All I'll say is that it goes someplace interesting. And the sex is – as usual – hot and nicely described. Ratings for "Perfect Lover" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Wet" by November Tuesday (november919@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397747107 This story is written from the perspective of a woman who is upset because her lover is interested in having sex with her solely for his own gratification. She realizes that he really doesn't give a damn about her pleasure or her feelings except as they relate to making him have a better time in the sack. There's a lot of that sort of thing in the world. If you don't believe me, just watch Jerry Springer. In a cover letter the author said that of all her stories this one is closest to her heart, because it really happened. The experience was really hurtful to her, and she is justifiably proud of the way she dealt with it. She says she is not a great fiction writer, but she knows a great story when she lives through it. Actually, the author is not all that far from being a really good writer. Her emotions and insights are real and understandable. People who "have already been there" will easily believe that they "know just what she means." The problem is that the author (a) went through this experience, (b) was enlightened by it, (c) wrote down just how she would describe her insights to her lover, and (e) shared this narrative with us. What she omitted was (d), putting the story into a framework that enables US to get a good look at the situation. We are neither her nor her boyfriend, and the story doesn't quite give us a basis for looking at what is happening. I strongly urge authors to avoid the "I and you" narrative. It doesn't work unless the author uses quotations really effectively or supplies some other rationale – such as letting us read the letters the protagonists are writing to each other. As "I and you" narratives go, this one is pretty good. I think the main thing this author could do to improve her writing is to look at who her real audience is _when she posts the story to the public_.. As a personal catharsis, this story is already almost perfect. As a short story, it has room for improvement. Ratings for "Wet" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Oral Interludes - An Odyssey in Frustration" by TomOne (TomOne@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=394561514 My husband is an ethical and honorable man – right up there with George Washington and Immanuel Kant; but he assures me that there are three times he will always lie. The first is when his barber asks him for a political opinion while the barber is holding a razor at his throat. The second is when I ask him during sexual foreplay if he really loves me. He says that anyone other than a damned fool would say yes in order to gain a blowjob like the ones I give; and so if I want to discuss the nature of our relationship we had better do it some time other than when my lips are surrounding his cock. The third time he won't disclose to me. He says he thinks there should be some mystery in our relationship. The protagonist in this story answers yes to "Do you really love me?" and then – just as my husband predicted – encounters the "Would you tell me you loved me even if you didn't right now just to get me to continue giving you oral sex?" Eventually the guy in the story waxes eloquent: "Listen – you're obviously having doubts about providing me oral gratification tonight! And I'm certainly not one to force someone to perform such an act unless it's given with total willingness and without reservations. So, why don't you just stop for now … let's just sit back and let me regain my composure for a few moments … and then maybe we can talk about your concerns over this whole subject matter!" Bad idea. Take my husband's advice and lie. My husband assures me that in the original Greek or Hebrew of the Bible there are specific exceptions that state it's OK to lie about three things. Now I've got myself wondering about what that third thing is. Ratings for "Oral Interludes" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "The Lens as Mirror" by Adhara Rawcalyn (eros_dreams@hotmail.com). Guest review by MichaelD. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390000650 The narrator, who goes unnamed, is a married 43-year-old woman; her husband is a professional photographer who specializes in artistic nudes. The spark seems to have long since gone out of their marriage, until the day she has him take a formal shot for her company brochure. Putting his wife, for once, in place of the "nineteen-year-old nymphs I'd grown to hate," he discovers a side of her he hasn't seen before. Enraptured with the images, he decides to exhibit them, and does so to general acclaim. After the gallery opening, they return home and make love like they haven't since they were newlyweds. The idea for this story is certainly interesting and fresh, but the execution is lacking in some spots. Too much is told rather than shown, especially the elements of their marriage. During the photo shoot, as the husband makes surprised comments, the narrator gives us a running explanation of what they mean to her. I think the story would have been more effective with an opening scene (before the photo shoot) to help us appreciate the state of their relationship. I also found the photo shoot scene abbreviated, especially since it forms the basis for the entire story. Just as we're beginning to understand the emotions of the situation, it ends. Another problem I had was that the author blithely jumps over the several- month gap between the photo shoot and the galley opening. What happens during this time, after the husband has unexpectedly rediscovered his wife? We aren't told, and the effect is somewhat jarring. As a married man myself, I find it difficult to believe that having suddenly realized that his wife is just as beautiful as his models, the husband would wait months before acting on it. The author certainly exerted herself in this story, but at times it seemed to me like she was working too hard. Some of the diction is more ornate and extravagant than it needs to be, sometimes leaving the emotions of the scenes overloaded. And, in trying so hard to write elegantly, the author misses a few glaring grammatical errors (run-ons and dangling participles) that detract from the story's effect. I do like this story. It's nice to see something interesting and erotic that doesn't involve hardbodied teenagers, and the theme (that older woman can be as beautiful as younger ones) is a healthy one. I think, however, that this could have been much better. With a little extra work in revision, it could be a memorable piece. Ratings for "The Lens as Mirror" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 7 MichaelD (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Soccer Mom" by Alden Bradley (zzztopper@aol.com). Review by Sven the Elder, who may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390000722 I read this story a little over a week ago when it was published and had mixed feelings over it when I did so. It's a story that doesn't have sex in it, which makes it slightly difficult to review objectively on our ng, given its title and remit. This is a bittersweet story of life and meetings and new beginnings. Two single folks meet at their children's football games, talk and find through their children's friendships that they too have things in common. They profess their love for each other and the story ends, perhaps a little abruptly, with the hint of the promise to come. The story is put together well, but does not really belong here. I get the feeling that there is an element of recounting a true to life situation, but that the author either didn't wish to or felt he could not go into the more graphic details that this ng is a little more used to. I enjoyed the story; and the promise that might be left me interested and perhaps looking forward to the next part of their growing relationship. It would be nice if the author comes up with parts two and maybe three. I would welcome that. I think the story as it stands is unfinished. Ratings for "Soccer Mom" Athena (technical quality): 08 - Nothing outstanding. Venus (plot & character): 08 - more to be developed and to come. Sven (appeal to reviewer): 09 - Gentle and hesitant, the story should be expanded. "The Navy Way" by Spoonbender (Theodore@Spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Review by Nick (Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392610219 I thought this was a really good read. The scenario was a well drawn, set in some future time when Britain goes to war with Libya over the shooting down of a 737 by Gadhaffi's mob. The destroyer HMS Leopard forms part of a task force sent, Falklands style, to exact British revenge on the wrongdoers. On board this ship is one Midshipman (not Midshipwoman) Lucy Anstruthers who, it turns out, is the sole survivor when a sea-skimming missile blows Leopard out of the water. Here, a little unfortunately, I was reminded of one of our comedians, Kenny Everett (now deceased), who used to do a caricature of a Hollywood starlet of dubious talent describing her latest film - always ending with the words "And all my clothes fell off!" Yes, sadly the explosion that sinks Leopard also blows poor Lucy's clothes off! She is, of course, captured by the Libyans who torture and rape her, turning her from noble warrior to whore, before she is rescued by our victorious task force. For me the main criticism of the story is that not enough is made of the character of Lucy. Little attempt is made to get inside her head. We know who she is and her background, but we are not to know much about how she as a character takes the ordeal that is imposed on her (apart of course from the fear and pain that anyone would experience in this situation). The main emphasis of this story is the war rather than Lucy's ordeal. Therefore if you don't like rape stories but do like war stories you may enjoy this one. If you are the reverse (like rape, but hate war) then you may find it a little tame. My ratings (excuse the pun!) are: Technique 9 Plot/character 8 Appeal 9 Celestial standards dictate: Athena (Technique): 10 Venus (Plot/character) 10 Appeal 10 "The Needle and the Dungeon" by MicjaelD (MichaelD38@aol.com). Guest review by Jaybird. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393587656 I'm struggling a little to figure out what I want to say about the latest effort from MichaelD - "The Needle and the Dungeon," so forgive me if I ramble for a minute here. In the last few months, this author has posted some of the best stories I've ever read on Usenet: "Sunset on Roses", "Swimming Upstream", "Summer Camp", "Orange County: Babylon", and "Playing with Fire". (I may have missed one here or there.) I've read them all, and they are all excellent stories, with "Sunset" and "Swimming" on my personal list of all-time favorites. MichaelD has an exquisite gift for detail that is rare among ASS's authors. The settings and environments he creates are often intricate, and never fail to capture my interest. If I have a criticism, and it's only a nit, it is that sometimes his characters lack depth. There's plenty of wonderful, descriptive detail about them and about what happens to them, but, in some of his work, I think they suffer in comparison to his masterful work with settings. However, I'm really having to split hairs here in my search to find some element of his work that isn't truly excellent. And in "Sunset" and "Swimming", I'd be hard pressed to criticize his characters at all. Anyway, back to "Needle." As he notes in his introductory text, this story is a significant departure from his other works, in that it delves into Bondage/S&M/Torture themes that he has essentially avoided until now. Despite the departure in the theme, I'm happy to report that, in general, this is a typical MichaelD story: the attention to detail is amazing. The story is set in the not-too-distant future, and involves virtual reality themes inspired by Celeste's recent contest. As low-key science fiction, MichaelD has done a superb job with this story - every aspect of technology used therein has been updated in a very realistic fashion - from advances in artificial intelligence (AI) to neurology to fire-fighting to telecommunications to transportation to architecture and more. I'm a science fiction fan, and the level of technical realism in this story approaches what I'd expect from sci-fi authors such as Niven, Asimov, or Kim Stanley Robinson. (High praise from me!) Yet, except for the virtual reality and AI technology, which play central roles in the story, all the technology is used matter-of-factly (as it should be, IMO). The story revolves around three principle characters: Dr. David Nelson, Ashley MacMillan, and Jasmine. Dr. Nelson is a brilliant and arrogant neurologist/bioelectrical engineer/computer scientist, whose bioelectrical technology, called NEEDLe, can be used to augment or replace the human nervous system. His invention has made him the richest man in the world, which has allowed him to indulge his sexual fantasies regarding S&M/Torture themes by giving him the resources to create a beyond-state-of-the-art virtual reality lab. In his lab, using a combination of his own technology and the most advanced computer systems, he creates fantastically real sexual fantasy environments, including a "dungeon" of fifteen exponentially increasing pain/pleasure scenarios. He has a small circle of teenage "street" girls that use the lab's facilities and with whom he occasionally participates in the sexual fantasies. Ashley is an eighteen-year old daughter of two very wealthy, but essentially uncaring parents. Her father is never around, and her mother doesn't really care what her daughter is up to. Ashley, while still a virgin, has some powerful, burgeoning masochistic fantasies of her own. While poking around on a bondage-themed internet chat room, she meets "Nastygirl", one of Dr. Nelson's "girls", who proceeds to tell Ashley about the lab. Ashley's curiosity is provoked, and she is drawn into the good doctor's world. Jasmine is an artificial intelligence that Dr. Nelson purchased to help him create and run the lab. She exists only in her electronic or VR environments, but she is a fully realized character with her own personality. She and the doctor appear to be in love as much as an electronic and physical pair can be. Jasmine is the one that controls the events in the virtual environment, based on the scenarios the doctor has created. She also interacts with the characters outside of the virtual environment through conversation and video screens. As Ashley becomes more and more interested in Dr. Nelson's world, both real and virtual, she withdraws from her home and school life. The story of her transition and the complications of the triangle of David, Jasmine, and herself form the basis for the story's plot. Okay - that's more than enough summary. How do I feel about this story - that is the question. Well, as erotica, it's a departure for me. I've never been interested in this genre of stories, so I don't have a lot to compare it to, and I can't say that the S&M stuff in "Needle" had very much appeal for me. In fact, if this story had been written by almost any other author, I probably would have passed on it. Some of the tamer, more "vanilla" sexual fantasies - and some of the actual, real-life sex - was pretty good, but that's not the core of this work, and I wouldn't recommend this story to folks looking primarily for that type of activity. You kind of need a strong stomach for some of the stuff here. If BDSM stuff is up your alley, I'd recommend checking this story out, but I can't comment on how it will compare to other pieces due to my lack of experience here. As a story, it has its strengths and weaknesses. The majority of the action takes place in the virtual environment - at least, that's my impression. Take that away, and the actual events left are fairly routine stuff - and not up to this author's standards. I never felt like I got a good understanding for why and how David and Ashley's relationship developed. She falls in love, but why with him? Because he was there, apparently. Or maybe because he provided these amazing experiences for her. Whatever the reason, I didn't feel it was adequately developed. And I understand David's admiration for Ashley's internal strength and resolve, and his attraction to her, but what is the origin of his love? Interestingly, the most well thought-out character is probably the non-corporeal Jasmine. I felt like I understood her and her motivations and actions much more clearly than the other two principals. So, what do we have in total? Clean, precise grammar and spelling, as always for this author. Fantastically detailed environments, both real and virtual, created with a keen eye for near-term sci-fi - absolutely superb. Reasonably hot sex - and lots of bondage/torture/pain etc. (Although, please note that all the rough stuff does happen in the virtual environments, which definitely eased my squick factor.) A fairly routine plot and only average character development - certainly below average for this author. I'm being a little harsh here, because I'm holding MichaelD up to the standards he's set in his earlier works. Certainly, the plot and character work in "Needle" is way above the average for an ASS story, but I sure wish he'd given us characters as interesting as the world he created about them. I eagerly await MichaelD's next effort - "Virgin Mary." And, if you want a good read in a more routine and romantic vein, he's recently reposted "Sunset on Roses" and "Summer Camp" to ASSM. "Summer Camp" is excellent. "Sunset on Roses" is a classic. In Celestial style, my ratings for "The Needle and the Dungeon" would be: Athena (technical quality): 10 (barely a flaw in a 50,000+ word story) Venus (plot & character): 9 (I'm biasing this up for the amazingly detailed world presented here. If I was strictly staying to plot and character, I'd probably drop down to a 7 or so. Low for this author.) Jaybird (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Really high from me for a bondage/ torture story.) "The Color of Her Hair" by Steve (Steve1044@aol.coim). Guest review by The Story Writer. Unarchived "The Color of Her Hair" is lacking on almost all counts. Not much happens, really. After an irrelevant initial incident, boy meets girl. Some barely plausible and uninteresting dialogue follows and boy and girl go back to her apartment for sex. One premature ejaculation and one bumbled coitus interruptus later, the girl is angry and the boy is out. This has the feel of a "true" story in the worst sense. It has no plan. Although the author seems to like red hair, it is not germane to the action. The initial incident has nothing to do with the remainder of the story and the dialogue leading up to the sex is unrelated to the ending. There is no distance between author and first person narrator, no rising tension and no (literary) climax. Technically, there are grammatical errors in the dialogue that are not justified by the speakers' characters -- these are supposed to be college students. The author, or someone's word processor, has eliminated all the paragraph marks. Finally (a failing of 99.99% of all the stories I read) sentences are not separated by TWO spaces as Athena decrees. Oddly, a couple of other stories on "Steve's" website are not bad. I wonder what happened to his story this time out. {No rating} "Sex Poker" by Jan Williams (janwill89@hotmail.com). Guest review by Watchful Owl. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393263380 A woman invents a new version of poker in which the participants bet for sexual favors. It's a concept ripe with cliche', and doesn't offer anything new. Errors in language and punctuation abound. The flow of the story is confusing, the characters are absolutely cardboard, and the sex is nothing special. In the last couple of pages, the quality improves, but it's too little, too late. Avoid Sex Poker. Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot and character): 4 Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 4 "When Summer Comes" by Hawk Richards (HawkRds@aol.com). Guest review by Leanna. {This review means only my opinion, and _NOTHING MORE_. } http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392354621 My major beef with this story is that it was unoriginal. The theme has been done before, extensively, in alt.sex.stories. The plot is this: a young, virile stud working for the summer before he has to go back to school. He turns into a peeping tom. She spots him watching one day, and. :) So that right there is the plot score. I haven't been doing reviews for Celeste too long, but I think that the only stories that deserve a '10' in the Venus aisle are the ones that did something truly unique with their storylines and/or were especially masterful in creating believable characters. But, as far as stories go, it wasn't too badly written. The pacing of the story was a little bit off, and there were a couple of grammatical errors, but nothing horrible. That explains the Athena score. And last but not least, appeal to me. Well, it didn't appeal to me that greatly. There was nothing outstanding about this story. To be fair to the author, in case Hawk Richards is wondering exactly where it went wrong -- is perhaps the generalization that all rich, seclusive bitches are incredibly beautiful, sexual dominatrixes. It could be nice for a quick stroke for you, but it didn't work for me. Everyone is different, though -- revel in it! But, I do have to give this story some credit. I don't think this is what the author intended, but I think it does well to show the rudiments of casual sex -- the zipless fuck. Nobody expects anything past the moment out of each other, and sometimes, they aren't even concerned about anything beyond their own pleasure. Ratings for "When Summer Comes" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot and characterization): 5 LeAnna (appeal to reviewer): 5 Review of "One Woman's Fantasy Fulfilled" by Beerfellow (ek972@cleveland.freenet.edu) (Reposted by John Dark). Guest review by Crimson Dragon. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390646193 Imagine, if you will, a one-night stand. But not a regular one. One where you haven't seen the other partner. And your first view of your partner will be a view of your naked bodies softly touching. Intriguing? Or exceptionally scary? Perhaps a mixture? This story explores this one-night stand, and the attendant emotions. This is not your average one-night stand, but I'm not really sure I want to get into all the sexual details for risk of ruining the story. What it does have is a brush with deeper emotions - more so than your average wham-bam one-night stand. This is planned, and accepted by both partners. This is a tender story of lovemaking told in an unusual way. A word of warning. It took me a while to get into this story. There really wasn't any "hook" to grab my attention, and without story codes, I had no idea what to expect. But after the initial awkwardness, I found I got used to the style and was able to read a little more fluidly. The most distinctive stylistic element to this story was that it was written in first person from two people's perspectives. We get the woman's point of view, and the man's - both presented in first person. I'm not quite sure if that was distracting, or whether it was an effective technique. I'll let you as readers decide that for yourselves. I thought it was rather unique, and the fact that I'm not slamming it probably means that it worked, to my great surprise. It kind of felt like I was watching a documentary, though ... we all know the type ... where it flips between eye witness accounts from different perspectives. The author does a decent job of differentiating the personas in a variety of ways. The technique is not as confusing as it might have been with less care. >From a grammatical standpoint, there were a very few problems. Unfortunately for this author, the very first "sentence" was the classic grammatical problem of an incomplete sentence. And it wasn't intentional. That didn't bode well for the story, normally I'd put it down right away assuming the worst, but I'm here to tell you that beyond a few dropped words, the English in the story wasn't terrible enough to detract from the story. In fact, I'm only giving it a 9 because it wasn't quite perfect. Not fair to put this story into the same category with some of the tens I've seen recently. It truly wasn't bad in this department, but it could use some improvement. I didn't notice any spelling problems. I also didn't take off marks for the double first person technique, just to be clear. The characters seemed real enough, the author did a reasonable job of developing them. There is an inherent difficulty, at least I find, in developing a character in a one-night stand/e-mail meeting in real life story. By the very nature, there is a tendency to miss a number of important facets to a person's personality. However, I think the author did a remarkably good job of developing his characters considering the limitations of the storyline. I had some trouble identifying with the characters, but that could have been just me. The characters had some traits that I personally found, um, undesirable, and that could cloud my judgment here. That doesn't mean that other readers would be bothered by the same traits, and it doesn't mean that the author did a bad job of characterisation. My only real complaint was the author's overuse of "stroke" type language to describe the sex. The story didn't seem to suit it. I guess I'm not one for clichιs, and the like. On the other hand, the sex wasn't badly portrayed either. I just found that the descriptions jarred a little with the overall tone of the story. I thought this was a reasonably well-written fantasy. The sex was well described (if a little too described for my tastes). The characters seemed real enough. The technical skill of the author made it an enjoyable read after I managed to get into the story and resolve the different style of it. Lastly an explanation of the appeal mark below. This simply wasn't my type of story. It didn't push my buttons. That isn't the fault of the author this time. The sexual descriptions and my personal lack of identification with the characters explain the 7 below. This shouldn't be used to judge the story or indicate any particular lack on the part of the author. Many other readers, I'm sure, would have given this story a 9 or even a 10. Numbers without context mean little, especially in this case. Ratings for "One Woman's Fantasy Fulfilled": Athena (technical) : 9 Venus (character & plot) : 10 Crimson (appeal) : 7 "Illusion" by Miss Behavin' (missbehavin@sprint.ca). Guest review by Watchful Owl. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397751671 I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't see the ending coming. It's pretty predictable, in hindsight. But I didn't, and I enjoyed every second of this read. It was well written (not a single grammatical or structural error in the whole thing!) and the characters were quite believable. The plot features an aspiring young lawyer being asked by her boss to sleep with his wife for a large sum of money. She decides to do it, and we're off into a well-done (if somewhat formulaic) plot. However, the ending was a bit of a turnoff, so it doesn't get full points. Give "Illusion" a read. You won't be sorry. Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot and character): 10 Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "March Twenty-First" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Stephen Peters (sxjames@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333785276 This story opens with the protagonist (Lori) having left her lover (Heather) to return home to a cold and lonely apartment. Lori misses Heather something fierce -- she needs her lover's body badly, if for no other reason than to keep her warm on a cold and snowy winter's evening. Well, as luck would have it, as Lori drifts off to sleep she finds her heat (both kinds) by entering a phantasmagorical, druid-like dream world of chanting women, warm fire and cold stone. After a short, sexy encounter with a woman who is/isn't Heather, Lori can no longer contain her desire so she rushes back to Heather's apartment...and to a rather surprising ending to her night's adventure. This story idea has all the makings of an very entertaining read. The soft, semi-conscious realm between wakefulness and sleep is a great setting for a fantasy of this type, and the author did an admirable job as the tour guide. The various settings were well described, I was able to connect with Lori's distress, and the dreamlike atmosphere was sustained throughout. In particular, the transition between the cold apartment in winter and Lori's dream/fantasy world was startlingly good -- probably the best image in the piece. Unfortunately, the storytelling itself was marred by a writing style that kept me (the reader) from establishing a strong narrative voice. The repeated use of sentence fragments and single words to indicate Lori's thoughts kept my narrative 'head-voice' from achieving any sustained rhythmic flow. For this reader (and I should emphasize "this reader"), establishing that flow is crucial. More seriously, the ambiguous use of the pronoun 'she' in the paragraph that introduced the names of the dream characters had me associating "Akana" and "She-al" with the wrong people -- a very frustrating experience. Finally, as a reader I would liked to have seen a better-described sex scene between Lori and the dream women. The setting was all there, but the heat wasn't. >From a purely technical standpoint (grammar, spelling, punctuation) the story rates a ten -- I don't think I can take off points for the pronoun problem. Plot and character (or rather, the story idea itself) is this tale's strong suit -- again, a ten. For the above-mentioned reasons "appeal to reviewer" rates a six.... but understand that all my reviews come with this disclaimer: Numbers mean nothing without context -- read the damned review. Ratings for "March Twenty-First" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 * "The Gold Swizzle Stick" by Zombie Night (ZombieNight@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=396285442 This was originally posted under the title "Behind the Bar" as one of those rather lengthy postings by TheEditor, also known as Grobert, who posts stories with the names of the original authors deleted. My current information is that this story was written in 1994 by Zombie Night, whose address is given above, and who has also written several other long, fully-developed stories. This story focuses on a common a.s.s. theme: if a husband and wife are having a little trouble in their relationship, one of them should run around on the other, and this will cause them to become closer in their matrimonial bliss. In this case, Brandy has become insatiably hungry for sex because her husband has been out of town for a few days while he is studying for the bar. {Actually, he's learning how to RUN a bar; but I thought it would be clever to make it sound like he was studying law.} After Dave the Bartender fucks Brandy, he suggests a way that they can expand the bar's clientele while simultaneously allaying Brandy's horniness. This strategy is immensely successful, and when the harried husband returns home unexpectedly and finds Brandy flagrante delicto, he smiles happily and eagerly offers to supply a similar service to gladden the hearts of the female customers. As I reread the preceding description, the story sounds a bit far-fetched. I mean, Dave and Brandy come across as counselors or social service agents who selflessly solve the problems of their sexually dysfunctional or otherwise needy customers. In real life it would be at least slightly unlikely that Brandy's activity would solidify her relationship with her husband, that Dave would suggest his plan to Brandy when he could instead get a lot of really good sex himself, or that the patrons of the bar would simply cheer for the lucky winners when Dave obviously cheated in his distribution of Brandy's favors. However, this really is a good fantasy, and the sexual action is really hot. Ratings for "The Gold Swizzle Stick" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----