Message-ID: <15183eli$9809110124@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Celeste801@aol.com Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 302- Sept 2 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <12a04c47.35edae0b@aol.com> X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 302 - September 2, 1998 WINNER OF THE CELESTIAL VIRTUAL REALITY STORY CONTEST: The winner of my Virtual Reality story contest is "Back To Reality" by Vickie Morgan. It was a very close call between this and Stephanie's "African Dreams." The two stories are in a sense opposites: Stephanie's is noteworthy for its simplicity and Vickie's for the complexity of its plot. I eventually gave the nod to "Back to Reality." The author handles the complexity extremely well. The story is a wonderful exercise in imaginative eroticism. For more details, see the review below. I might add that this contest yielded several other stories that made my Top 20 for August. Thank you, authors, for some excellent stories. Note: Although it doesn't mention my list, one of the stories reviewed below ("Get R.E.A.L." by Shon Richards) implicitly challenges many of the cliches or credulous assumptions that I have challenged in my reviews. As a public service, I am reposting my Celestial List of Credulous Assumptions 1. It is usually possible for a woman to estimate the size of a man's fully engorged cock by gazing at his crotch when he is unaroused and fully dressed and over ten yards/meters away. 2. Without the use of scientific instruments men can easily estimate the size of women's breasts from across the room, even if the woman is fully dressed. {Actually, this is no big deal, since nearly all attractive women have 38DD bust sizes anyway.} 3. The normal sequence of sexual experiences is first petting, then oral sex, then anal sex, then vaginal sex - usually all on the same date. 4. The first boy to touch a girl's breasts will come in each of her three orifices within the next hour. 5. Most women would intensely enjoy sexual contact with another woman, but most men would not enjoy sexual contact with another man, even if cultural biases were eliminated. 6. Children who have sex with their parents normally enjoy this activity and grow up to be emotionally mature honor roll students who will contribute to scientific research and to world peace. 7. Ditto for sex with older siblings, kindly neighbors, and random strangers. 8. When sons, daughters, little brothers, or little sisters ask questions about sex, the best way to answer their questions is to show them, using their bodies as part of the demonstration. 9. When a spouse or lover catches his/her partner having sex with someone else, the typical response is to join in. 10. Women typically have multiple orgasms during every fulfilling sexual encounter. 11. Middle-aged men can typically have sex with copious ejaculations several times a day for several days in a row. 10 & 11a. Women and men that can do so are happier and better sex partners than those who have fewer orgasms. 12. Kids can go blind if they masturbate too often. {Ooops. That one belongs on a different newsgroup!} 13. Kids who do not masturbate at least daily are severely disturbed. 14. It is important to pop a person's cherry before she gets out of high school {or gets into high school, has her first date, gets married, buys her first car, etc.} 15. Women typically enjoy getting raped, once they get over their inhibitions. 16. Men who force women to have sex with them are sexy. 17. People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids who read a chapter in a psych book. {Either that or some of these stories are written by Psych profs who are really desperate to motivate their students to read a chapter in their text book.} 18. If you ever get turned into a sex slave, it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. 19. The typical male ejaculation shoots at least 12 inches through the air {unless the penis is inserted into a receptacle which will terminate this expulsion. In this case the ejaculate lands with the impact of a speeding bullet.} 20. Most women ejaculate at least a pint of luscious fluid during a really enjoyable sexual experience. 21. Most people get turned on when their partner treats them with extreme cruelty for the partner's own personal gratification. 22. Most black men have "monster cocks." These 12- to 14-inch penises will thrill any pussy (or other aperture) lucky enough to receive one. Black women, however, do not have "monster cunts," nor do they appear to be all that interested in the genitalia of their black brethren. Hence the reciprocal fondness between black men and white women, especially those known as sluts. 23. The family that fucks together stays together. 24. It's more fun to have sexual intercourse when there's a genuine risk of pregnancy. Offspring resulting from unprotected intercourse of minors tend to be sexy honor students by the time they reach middle school. 25. Nuns {and English teachers, librarians, etc.} are really sexual dynamos. 26. Ain't nothing wrong with most frigid women that a riding crop won't cure. 27. Guys who go without underpants and have sex several times a day do not develop a nasty rash. 28. Male doctors get their rocks off during physical examinations of female patients. Female doctors have multiple orgasms whenever they examine a beautiful person of either sex. 29. A girl will get her first orgasm from her first intercourse, usually within minutes after having her hymen torn. 30. Most young girls are looking for experienced men to train them in sexual practices. They want to start but they don't know anything about it. When they find these instructors, they will say things like, "Yes, eat my pussy now!" {Which is a strange request from somebody that doesn't know anything about sexual practices.} 31. Most women who find that their husbands want to turn them out to their friends respond, "Sounds like fun." 32. Most boys who are forced to act the part of a girl find that they love the role. Unless this happens for the first time in a penal institution other than school. 33. Parents routinely leave their bedroom doors ajar when they intend to have sex, and kids do so when they intend to masturbate, which they do noisily above the bed sheets. 34. Nobody ever farts while making love. Especially not during anal intercourse. And even if they do, its never one of those rancid ones that linger on and on. And even if it is, the partner thinks its sexy. 35. No one ever gets a cramp while making love. For that matter, no one ever sneezes or has a nose so filled with snot that it's impossible to breathe, much less give a blowjob. 36. The woman's vagina never makes that 'farting' noise due to trapped air in there. If she does, this causes immediate orgasm in both partners. 37. Nobody ever forgets to wipe his/her ass prior to having it licked, which is unfortunate, because most people absolutely love the taste of human feces. 38. The woman never says "Ouch! I wasn't ready! I'm too dry!" If she thinks she wants to say these things, she instead says, "Fuck me harder!" 39. Men don't turn over and go to sleep immediately after sex. 40. Women don't fall asleep at the beginning of sex, when they feel so comfortable and relaxed, and they can just let themselves go.... If they do fall asleep, their partner regards this as a compliment. Second note: Here's an interesting list that someone sent me: Good, Bad, or Worse 1. Bad: You find a a porn film in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. 2. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. 3. Bad: Your husband's a cross-dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. 4. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. 5. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. 6. Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your son "borrowed" it. 7. Bad: Your wife is sick. Worse: Of you. 8. Bad: Your unit only measures out to be 2 inches long. Worse: Erect!! 9. Bad: Your husband has become a playboy. Worse: Centerfold. 10. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. 11. Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. 12. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in unexpectedly. 13. Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner. 14. Good: Your boyfriend's on a diet. Bad: So he'll fit into your clothes. 15. Good: Your daughter practices safe sex. Bad: She's eleven. 16: Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: She's 350 pounds. 17. Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown. 18. Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home . 19. Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them. 20. Good: Your wife just experienced her first orgasm. Bad: With the postman. 21. Good: Your wife's got a flat stomach. Bad: And a matching chest. 22. Good: Your wife's got large breasts. Bad: And a matching ass. 23. Good: Your wife reminds you of your mother. Bad: In bed. 24. Good: Your girlfriend's got soft, long, blond hair. Bad: Under her arm. 25. Good: Your daughter's boss raves about her work. Bad: He's a pimp. Final note: remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste ===================== Celestial reviews: ===================== "Illusion Of Love" by LeAnna (tg sex that's not tg) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384056029 "I Just Want To Talk" by Nick (sextoy with personality) 10, 10, 10 Unarchived "Get R.E.A.L." by Shon Richards (virtual reality sex) 9.5, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384056050 "African Dreams" by Stephanie (romance) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=386873550 "Back To Reality" by Vickie Morgan (romance) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385730433 "The Garden Of Tranquility" by Dg (high tech chicanery, sex, and romance) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385689435 "No Matter What They Say" by Mat Twassel (virtually public sex) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384051167 "November Third" by Poison Ivan (unusual passion) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383112117 "On The Holodeck" by marky (virtual reality sex) 8, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385730421 "The Reality of Virtual Possession" by Tigger (brutal bdsm) 8, 4, 2 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380904979 "Romantic Friction" by Wombat99 (going with the flow) 10, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385875065 "Virtual Addiction" by Seurat (addiction to virtual reality) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524710 ===================== Guest reviews: ===================== "Aphatos" by Yosha Bourgea (emerging sexuality). Fiddler: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385735495 "Shake Hands Across Her Back" by Shakespeare_I._Aint (threesome). Myers: 6 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383771830 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Tell Me a Story" by smoot2 (fantasy plus live sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753838 * "The Final Mission" by Spook (Action Adventure) 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753825 *"Tammy Gets Even (Better)" by Tammy Ng. (First time...2nd time, 3rd time...) 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753835 * "Taxi, Sofa, Bedroom" by Deidre Ng (fantasy & romance) 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753818 * "In Your Mouth and Mine" by Tammy Ng (oral sex) 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753853 * "Scene from the Cabin" by TropicCool (sweet romance) 9.99 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759743 * "Nice Girl" by Of 2 minds (wife watching) 6 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759752 * "Nice Girl" by Of 2 minds (case study of dysfunctional personality) 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759752 * "Innocent Days" by James Medley (menage a trois) 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753847 * "Coach" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385724109 * "Instant Romance" by Dafney Dewitt (con job) 9, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384836881 * "High Rise" by Mike Hunt (voyeuristic romance) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385740953 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385740947 * "On The Beach" by Ellen Hayes (ff adolescent romance) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385724112 ======================== On this day in Celestial History Celestial Reviews 114 - Sept 4, 1996 ======================== * "Morningsong" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (wake-up call) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=178472324 * "Paint" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (old boyfriend) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=178473949 * "Father Dowling: I Am Heartily Sorry" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=275989527 ======================== "Illusion Of Love" By LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384056029 The VR program in this story does not automatically record the player's own form; it asks for input. If a fluffy cat were to do this simulation as a turtle, and someone were to touch the turtle, that person would feel a turtle and not a cat. That's not all that likely to happen, but you get the idea. So with the preceding information in mind, you have to assume that the guy who wants to make love with the girl who doesn't want to make love to him because he is her best friend and she is a lesbian will get her to make love to him by convincing her that she is making virtual love to a woman when she is really making virtual love to him. It's really as complicated as that; but the author makes it all make sense. The question, of course, is whether it would be rape if you had sex under false pretenses across a telephone link that incorporated virtual sex. And if something went wrong - if she discovered that you were you instead of someone else - would she still respect you in the morning? It's a close call, but a good story. A perplexing but interesting story. Ratings for "Illusion Of Love" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "I Just Want To Talk" By Nick (nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk). Since the woman he has just made love to consists entirely of light, there is no way she can physically hurt him. All he has to do is reach for the "bail- out" button and he will be back in the real world. He decides to stay awhile. Otherwise we'd have no story. The sex has been OK, but not spectacular, and our hero has decided that with the remaining credit on this session he might as well enjoy a little post- coital snooze. But she wants to talk. To a guy that notion might seem scary, but if Wanda has been heuristically programmed, it's really essential - don't you see? It's almost as if she has a little personality of her own. Read this story to see what it's like when computer sextoys develop personalities. Ratings for "I Just Want To Talk" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Get R.E.A.L." by Shon Richards (lordshon@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384056050 William has grown bored with his practical-reality workstation, which (like most pr owners) he has used his almost solely for sex fantasies. He has started to notice how all of his virtual romantic receptacles have been starting to act alike: Mona Lisa and Cheerleader Cindy have been making the same noises in bed. He has purchased R.E.A.L (Reality Enhancement Actualizer L-drives ) with the hope that the VR program might return the old excitement to his dances with the one-eyed sailor. The R.E.A.L program works; that is, the characters take on more enticing characteristics, and this makes them initially more sexy. However, in each case they also shift the scripted plot into the direction of greater authenticity. The result is that they step out of his fantasy and act in ways that real people would act under those circumstances. In short, the program needs some debugging if it is to serve as an improvement on the old five- finger shuffle. This is a very interesting twist. As the author puts it: "It was only after Tina's father was beating the crap out of him that he thought to make Tina an orphan. Trial and error becomes painful when you just want to get your rocks off." Ratings for "Get R.E.A.L." Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "African Dreams" By Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=386873550 Mark's wife has died in a recent, tragic accident. Mark is lonesome for her, and so is his young son, Dean. They have a virtual playroom that focuses on an African veldt, as suggested by the set-up for this contest, and Dean has been spending an inordinate amount of time there lately. One night, after putting Dean to bed, Mark goes into the virtual world alone; and to his amazement he finds his deceased wife there. Apparently Dean has wished for his lost mother, and the obliging dinosaur that manages the virtual environment has created her. No wonder the boy has been spending so much time in there! Nice set-up! And we have humor too: <> Damn! This was a good story! Be sure to read it. Ratings for "African Dreams" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Back To Reality" By Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385730433 Ellen was severely injured when she rescued a stranger at the scene of a serious accident. She is in great pain, and it is not certain she will ever walk again. Fortunately, the person she saved is a really rich and extremely grateful woman, who has sent Ellen for her entertainment a virtual reality machine. This makes sense: what better way to wile away the time until the pain dissipates? As I might have put it, "Morphing is better than morphine." Fortunately, the author has a lot more dignity than I do. The VR3000 comes with a safeword (which leads to an automatic exit from the program) and is protected by several fuses and trip switches, so it's impossible for a power surge to affect it. Most programmes last about a fortnight (a measure of time in Europe), and so the VR3000 has intravenous drips to make sure the participant gets necessary nutrients and liquids and tubes to deal with waste. Etc. The designers have thought of everything. Or have they? Ellen first plunges into the virtual world of Romeo and Juliet (a play that people read and watch in Europe). Her involvement in the play is remarkably realistic. However, it turns out that Ellen is a lot like me. By that I mean she decides to deviate from the Bard's plot to see how adaptable the program is. It's logical that the main characters would be well researched, but how much time had been spent on minor characters and just what would happen if she decided to change the plot? Hence, "Kiss me, Mercutio." And then, as the poet said, the cumshot hits the fan. I found it reassuring to discover that the VR3000 lacks an effective spellcheck: we find Ellen upset because she can't stop Arthur from "marring" Guinevere in the Camelot program. Actually, maybe the 3000 just has a really good Freudian subroutine. Anyway, she gets a souped-up version of the program that enables her to travel through the countryside of Umbria and Tuscany (places where people in Europe like to bask when on holiday), where this conversation occurs: <<"I'm sorry. I just wish this was all real. I wish you were real." "What on earth are you talking about?" "This is just a very clever computer game. I'm laid in a machine in England with wires and tubes stuck in me while a load of processing chips, or whatever they're called, create this whole illusion." "Have you been smoking illegal substances?" David asked lightly. She sat up and looked into his eyes. "I'm serious. None of this exists." "Are you saying I don't exist?">> In the middle of this conversation, Ellen realizes that she has forgotten to set the program to go beyond the prescribed fortnight. Indeed, it's possible that, like Americans, Europeans get fortnights confused with furlongs and fathoms. Anyway, what does a virtual solipsist do when it's midnight, Cinderella? And can you believe that my computer didn't even blink at the word "solipsist"? David seems to have the solution: "You have to leave. After all, I don't really exist and you do. And you are a wonderful person. Never forget that. One day you will meet a real man who will love you just as I do." Now, I'm not going to tell you how this story ends. But I know perfectly well that the producer for "Days of Our lives" reads my reviews. Listen up! The "Days" storyline sucks right now. Dump your writers and hire this author. You'll go right back to the top of the daytime ratings. I don't think this is really the time to ask you this, but I can't help it. Do you sometimes get the feeling that there are too many solipsists in the world? I've been thinking about that question a lot lately. And if I can think about it, I must have Cartesian coordinates. And if you've been thinking about this too, that means that I might be right. At least I think so. Ratings for "Back To Reality" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Garden Of Tranquility" By DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385689435 Jace is a sexy, intelligent man in his thirties who runs a company called Custom Virtual Environments. At the beginning of the story we find him literally immersed in his work - making a virtual deep-sea dive in a beautiful but dangerous aquatic virtual environment. Recent improvements in the technology had led to an unforeseen quantum leap in the quality of the VR experience. An unforeseen, tragic consequence is that people have been dying during the VR experience - brain seizures, heart attacks, and things of that ilk. I assume you can think of some less tragic consequences. But that sort of thing might be even riskier than you can imagine. It seems that Jace is virtually in love with Karma, who is the virtual representation of a rep for a huge software company with whom he is currently negotiating an alliance. She's the most beautiful and enticing woman he has ever met. In the virtual Garden of Tranquility they do some testing of Jace's genital unit (a component of his biointerface with which you may be unfamiliar). This story gives new meaning to the saying that the brain is the most important sex organ. Which explains my lust for Alex Trebek. The question in the back of your mind, of course, is why is this so dangerous? If I told you, I'd have to kill you. All I can say is that it has something to do with neo-luddites and Pandora's box. I'll take Pandora's box for $1000, Alex. Ratings for "The Garden Of Tranquility" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "No Matter What They Say" By Mat Twassel (Mmtwassel@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384051167 You've probably heard the old joke about the young couple who went to the marriage counselor. It was obvious that they lacked spontaneity in their marriage, and the counselor told them so. "The next time you see the twinkle in your partner's eye," concluded the therapist, "go for it!" At the next session he asked them how it went. "It was great," the guy replied. "We followed your advice and had the best sex ever." "Right," added the wife. "But we're not allowed back in McDonald's anymore." Were the present story not sent to me as an official entry to my current contest, I might have taken it as just another story about a guy having very pleasant sex with his lover in McDonald's restaurant while the children at the next table quibble with their mother over their Happy Meal toys. However, this is a virtual reality contest, and so we know that what appears to be real isn't really real. Not even if she says it's really real. Ratings for "No Matter What They Say" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "November Third" By Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383112117 Q. Do you know what a coolie is? A. It's a quickie in the snow. As the title suggests, the main action of this story takes place in November, and so it's not a full-blown coolie. The two lovers do it in a pile of leaves. It's hot sex, even though his dick nearly freezes when she rolls him over to get on top. And my joke is actually inappropriate for this story, because it's a very serious insight into a very serious passion. To find out what that means and what it has to do with virtual reality, you'll have to read the story. Ratings for "November Third" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "On the Holodeck" by marky (marky9"@hotmail.com ). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385730421 This story features the holodeck technology found in Star Trek, but there are absolutely no references to Star Fleet, Vulcan's, Klingons, or anything else Star Trek related. Which reminds me, do you know why the star ship Enterprise is similar to a piece of toilet paper? Give up? It's because they both go around Uranus looking for Klingons. {get it? Your anus - cling-ons?} A joke like that can do a lot to make the rest of the review seem really good by contrast. Jessie has been depressed since the recent death of his wife Demi. His boss has told him to take a month off, and he has decided to run an immersive holodeck program, to try to get away from it all". As you can easily imagine, the computer generates a hologram version of Demi. However, holo-Demi lacks personality. Jessie eventually instructs the program to enrich Demi, first by incorporating 50 hours of home video and then by merging some adult videos at the end. You can well imagine what happens next. He decides to save the program for future use. Although it has some grammatical blunders, this story is generally well written. Just a little predictable. Ratings for "On The Holodeck" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "The Reality of Virtual Possession" by Tigger (Tigger@alices.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380904979 Dr. Ronald Ketchum has invented a virtual reality machine with which he will give himself the ultimate sexual pleasure. This consists of having his virtual sexual partner beat his naked body severely and for him to service her sexual needs while he suffers various forms of degradation and humiliation. The Big Deal, I suppose, is that Dr. Ron is able to get all the advantages of a brutal beating and other forms of mistreatment without the inconvenience of bruises, scars, and other forms of organ and tissue damage. And in a way that I really cannot explain to you right now, this whole thing is a truly altruistic way to help the handicapped. My word for Ron is weird. A less judgmental term would be dysfunctional. People like Ron and Mistress Ellen do not live in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. I am willing to grant the possibility that there are sick people who would enjoy what Ron enjoys in this story. I am even willing to admit that there may be non-sick people who can derive sexual enjoyment from fantasizing about and participating in the intense level of sexual mistreatment described in Ron's virtual world. The problem is that this story does little to enable me to understand why Ron acts and reacts the way he does in this story. What this story asks me to do is to read about a person enjoying the sensation of being brutalized and to enjoy myself while doing so. Not hardly, pilgrim. Ratings for "The Reality of Virtual Possession" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2 "Romantic Friction" by Wombat99 (eliasn@netvigator.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385875065 Emily is approaching the age of 40 and has been spending her time at a sort of adult arcade called "Virtual Depravity." She can leave her inhibitions at the door, engage in evil thrills, and come away still virtuous. But she has been having trouble getting her mind into it. Her problem, of course, is an overdeveloped superego. I read about this sort of thing in my psych book back in college. Inside Emily's psyche there is a little guy called the Id and another called the Superego, who are fighting for control of her Ego. Another way to look at this is that the Id and Superego are having a professional wrestling match for possession of her soul. The superego keeps winning, but she's subconsciously rooting for the Id. Try writing that on your psych midterm. Another of Emily's problems is that she's anal retentive - i.e., a perfectionist. Just when she's about to be raped by a sexy virtual Mongol chieftain, she notices that he's speaking in English rather than Mongolian; and this ruins the mood. Eventually, Emily learns to go with the flow, and life becomes wonderful, as reality blends with virtual reality. To find out how, you'll have to read the story yourself. Ratings for "Romantic Friction" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Virtual Addiction" by Seurat (seurat7@enter.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524710 What some authors do when faced with the rules of a contest is try to write a story that fits the rules but is actually the opposite of what the contest designer expected. This is one of those stories. Seurat introduces us to a couch potato who is addicted to virtual reality. The problem is that it's difficult for us as readers to determine what is real and what is not. It all makes sense at the end, but I can't tell you any more without ruining the story for you. Ratings for "Virtual Addiction" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Aphatos" by Yosha Bourgea reviewed by Fiddler. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385735495 The author recently reposted this story and asked if we remembered it. Some of us do and remember it as a classic. The frame of this story is a man's indistinct memories of his first love at 13. The girl was 16, an almost unbridgeable gap. In the story, however, they manage to bridge it. She leads him on a morning exploration of a neighboring patch of woods which her generation had made their playground. They exchange small wonders, a few confidences, a few kisses. They make love. Memories after that time become fragmented, but the narrator keeps walking in woods to evoke the bittersweetness of what he has had and lost. Bourgea fulfills Fiddlers law: "The best writers are the worst posters." Download this one and reformat it. The experience of reading the story without the distractions of the over-long lines is worth the effort. Ratings for "Aphatos": Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 10 "Shake Hands Across Her Back" by Shakespeare_I._Aint (Shakespeare_I._Aint@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383771830 Writing is hard work, and re-writing is just a bitch. I see an awful lot of stories take a great idea only halfway to fruition, some that begin well and trail off, and others that lose the inspiration of their originally intended plots just as the action should be getting hot. This story needs to decide what it's really trying to say. And with a healthy re-write, it could have a great impact. Synopsis: The title refers to two men that meet for the first time in the midst of an MMF. Get the picture ? The humor and the pinpoint accuracy of the first third (the non-sex part) of this story are quite well thought out. Our hero has a fetish for breaking in new couples to the threesome (mmf) game, and his powers of observation are acute. His taste for the game of sex is disconnected, objectified, and passionless in the same sort of sense as a wine connoisseur that sips but does not gulp. The portrait is intriguing. During roughly the next third of the story, we meet the prospective couple, consisting of an overeager, selfish husband and a reluctant wife. As the escapades begin, the sex is tense, mechanistic, and realistic. The threesome then proceeds to round 2, but the extra helping doesn't go down as smoothly. The original allure of the text, embedded in the author's hyperreal format of storytelling, has begun to break down. For potential emulators of this writing style, perhaps "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", by Terry McMillan, should be required reading. That way, you will get an idea of just how hard it is to sustain that kind of flow for so many pages. Here is where some re-writing just might do this text some good. In some ways I applaud the author for not making this yet another "reluc" story where the wife figures out halfway through the fucking that she's having a good time. The other alternative plot that occurs to me is the stark, less sexy, but compelling possibility of never allowing the wife to become a fully functional partner in the heat of the moment. This makes for a much harder story to write, but a great challenge. Instead, this author seems to unsatisfyingly split the difference right down the middle, and never really deals directly with the wife's transformation, or lack thereof. Rating: 6 * "Tell Me a Story" by smoot2 (smoot2@ix.netcom.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753838 After a session of good sex, a woman asks her lover to tell her a story. He responds with an erotic tale. While she listens, she brings him and herself to an even better orgasm. Ummm! Tell me another story! I could handle about 1001 Nights of This. This story is by the author of "Lyrical Fantasy," which I reviewed in CR 27. That story, I said, was a good story that was ruined by faulty proofreading and bad formatting. I added that if this author ironed the kinks out of his writing, his work would be in a class with the writings of Deidre and Tammy Ng - which is a pretty good class. See! I was right! This is a wonderful story. I would like to take credit for this improvement, but unless smoot2 and I did some time traveling or mental telepathy, he did this on his own. However, my point is still valid: the main difference between this story and the author's previous attempt is that this one is presented better. It's not that the author's exceptional creativity is unimportant - it's just that by cleaning up his final draft of this story he lets us see what he really has to say. With "Lyrical Fantasy" I was constantly distracted by the way the story was presented to me; in this story there still were grammar mistakes, but I skipped right past them and was distracted only by a warm, moist feeling in my pussy. I like this kind of distraction much better. Ratings for "Tell Me a Story" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Final Mission" by Spook (Spook95613). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753825 Movies get rated "not for children" if they contain too much sex and violence. This story would probably qualify for censorship on the basis of its sex alone, but violence is its main credential. However, it's not stupidly gratuitous sex and violence; there's also a meaningful plot to which the sex and violence make legitimate contributions. What embarrasses me is that some Neanderthal is going to read this story and say, "Hanging the girl on a meat hook and taking her picture after killing her with agonizing slowness! That's really a neat idea! Why didn't I think of that?" As I read this story, I saw a good combination of sexiness, dedication, courage, intelligence, and violence that kept me constantly interested in the plot. Let me warn you that this is a long story; and if you're looking for hot sex for a quick turn-on, you might want to look elsewhere. My husband is a Rambo fan, and I've learned to tolerate that genre (largely through classical conditioning - pleasant sensations have tended to develop during commercials and lulls in the action). He liked this story, and so did I. There are a few minor problems. For example, the heroine would have been caught and killed long before she could have accomplished anything, except that she stumbled across a duffel or gym bag that the fiendish enemy had carelessly left where she could find it. Just another coincidence to keep the story going! Both Thomas Hardy and Mark Twain were notorious for such coincidences; but I like it better when there's a little less reliance on such events. In addition, I simply assumed that the military technology and planning made sense; it sounded good, but I don't know much about those topics. I'm not a Sweet SOU or anything - although I hear that's going to be a requirement for the next generation of English teachers. (Rating: 10) * "Tammy Gets Even (Better)" by Tammy Ng. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753835 This story was posted over a week ago; but if you follow my advice, you routinely download all stories by the Ng sisters. If you don't find this one in your files, you'll have to prevail on the generosity of the younger Ms Ng to repost this one. Here's some dialogue from the story: "You're the best," he said. "Oh am I," I said, "I'm very flattered." "You're also the worst and the prettiest and the ugliest and the tallest and the shortest." "Am I also first and last and only?" "Yes." "Oh, dear." And I hugged him closer. It's refreshing to read about an adult male getting deflowered by a female who doesn't feel a psychotic need to dominate or humiliate him! The virginity lasts only a little while (the next night they do it in the darkroom, while developing photographs - which is another first for me!) - but I thought it was downright tender and sexy. (Rating: 10) * "Taxi, Sofa, Bedroom" by Deidre Ng. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753818 The title of this story is actually the answer to a question. If you scan any of the sex or humor newsgroups, you'll always find listings that are labeled "Strangest Place You've Had Sex?" Apparently a game show host (maybe on Love Connection) or a talk show host (maybe Jay Leno) - the legends vary - once asked a sweet young thing, "Where's the strangest place you've ever had sex?" - expecting an answer like in the girls' locker room or on top of a flag pole. The unabashed answer was, "I guess that would be in the ass." On one of the newsgroups there has been a furious debate over whether the answer was "in the ass" or "up the ass." So that's the history behind this title - only in this case the question was "Where do you like to get kissed?" and her answer was "On the inside of the thigh," while his was "Taxicabs, sofas, bedrooms, most anywhere, really." Oh - and that's also the order of places in which the couple in the story make love - taxicab, sofa, bedroom. The most erotic aspect of this story, I think, is the way in which the female protagonist fantasizes to her date about what she imagines he will do to her. It's really hot stuff. I'm writing this part of the review while they're on their way from the sofa to the bedroom. So far, my panties aren't wet; but that's because in the spirit of the story I took them off in the restaurant - which was even before the taxi. Well, I've finished the story, and her fantasies where fulfilled. Another excellent story. (Rating: 10) * "In Your Mouth and Mine" by Tammy Ng (deidreng@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753853 Never in her wildest, least erotic dreams did Tammy Ng imagine that someday an English teacher would use this story as a means of regaining her faith in human nature. The story takes the form of a letter from Tammy to her somewhat less lascivious (actually, that's not saying much) sister Deidre. It has something to do with voyeurism and oral sex. For some reason my hand wandered while I was reading this story; and I have a vague, residual feeling of recent intense pleasure in my surprisingly moist nether regions. But my main impression of this story is that it was well punctuated. Not perfect, mind you, but well punctuated. As the song says, Tammy is "close enough to perfect for me." Bless you, Tammy! I needed that. (Rating: 10) * "Scene from the Cabin" by TropicCool. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759743 This is a beautiful story - one of the best I've read. However, most of the readers out there will hate it, however, because there's no hot sex in it. Just love and sentiment and all that wonderful stuff that makes hot sex so wonderful when it happens too. I have to commend the author for resisting the temptation to throw in the hot stuff. I desperately want to give this story a 10, but I just can't bring myself to give a perfect rating to a an alt.sex.story that's not about sex. (Rating: 9.99) * "Susan and Becky" by Jonathan Dzoba. This story is written in the format of letters from Susan, who is a teenager at an all-girls band camp, to her boyfriend. After a brief build-up in the first three letters, the final two letters describe the girl's sexual intimacy with her female roommate. I found the descriptions to be wonderfully erotic. The notion that the story is being told in letters to her boyfriend adds a bit of titillation to the story. What I don't understand is how somebody named Jonathan Dzoba could understand so thoroughly the emerging sexual feelings of a blossoming young woman. Excellent story. (Rating: 10) * "Nice Girl" by Of 2 minds (of2minds@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759752 About once a month (apparently in relation to phases of the moon or the pitching rotation of the Texas Rangers - I'm sure it has nothing to do with PMS), I get this wild urge to abandon my role as a sexy English teacher and smut critic and move into my other personality as a pop psychologist. This story triggered my psychosis. Hence the schizophrenic double rating in the list preceding these reviews. If you read this story because you're horny (or want to get that way) and need some good action, this is a story about a guy who invites his old roommate to spend the night and then wakes up in the middle of the night and finds his roomie fucking the brains out of his supposedly faithful wife, who is loving every minute of it. There's a whole genre of sex stories that focus on wife watching, and large numbers of happily married family men (and a smaller number of equally sane and stable women) get off on this sort of thing. I don't. If my husband were such a weakling that he got his kicks out of watching me do it with someone else, I wouldn't respect him. Likewise, I wouldn't respect myself if I had such a weak personality that I would marry a guy who would be my caretaker until I could get an occasional romp in the sack with a real man. My husband doesn't own me, but we have this deal that's based on these things called vows that we take seriously. My personal feelings are so strong that I simply don't turn on to fantasies about spouse watching. (Note that I am not saying *you* are wrong to enjoy this genre. All I'm saying is that this kind of story does not appeal as a turn-on to me - and there are a lot of other people like me.) So, if I rate this for its potential as a wife-watching story designed to turn people on, I'd give it about a 6. It's a decent story of that genre, but I think there's room for improvement. (But I hasten to add that a person who is a connoisseur of this genre may give this story a different rating.) This reminds me: A couple of weeks ago I reviewed "The Top Ten Lies of Usenet Porn." I hope that author reposts that exceedingly clever list and that others add to it once in a while. If I recall correctly, one of those lies was "When a guy comes upon his best friend fucking his wife's brains out, the natural reaction is to either applaud or join in." <> So now my alter ego kicks in, and I'll reexamine the story as a brief psychological case study. Although it's obvious to me that about 90% of the people reading this newsgroup are looking fore sexual titillation, a case study about sexual behavior would still belong on a.s.s. It's actually possible that sexually oriented people are willing to think about sex as well as have fun with it. The woman in this case study has been involved in an abusive relationship with her father as a child. (Note: the "abuse" is badly stated by the author - perhaps because he felt uncomfortable with it. I think it would have been better to simply remain ambiguous about the specific nature of the abuse, but to imply that it had happened. I really doubt that the "abuse" described by the author would lead to such a severe dysfunction - unless that abuse were merely the tip of a larger iceberg.) During the intercourse with the roommate she calls out her father's name and her husband's name. What we have now is a case study of a dysfunctional person, who is managing to cope pretty well with the dysfunction. I mean, she has this scar on her personality, and yet she has managed to lead a pretty normal life under the protection or safety provided by her husband, who is also using her to meet some needs of his own. Had this pervert of a roommate not shown up, she would have continued her pleasant existence; and even after her session with him, it seems possible that she is going to return to near normalcy. Perhaps she has even grown as a result of the roommate experience. I would like to know a little more about the woman's background in order to consider this an excellent case study; but it's already pretty good. It seems safe to assume that lots of normal people in real life have similar "dysfunctions" but are considered functional because they handle them well. It is also worth noting that certain personality disorders can actually become strengths - for example, the maniacal preoccupation with specific activities can often be a handicap; but such single-mindedness can become a strength under the right circumstances. The trick, as Clint Eastwood says, is to know your limitations. An extension of this reasoning is that if it is possible that activity like that described in the story is not necessarily destructive to personalities and relationships, then a fortiori *fantasizing* about such activities would be even less likely to be destructive. Enough psychobabble! Go figure! (Rating: 6 as wife watching; 10 as a case study.) * "Innocent Days" by James Medley. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385753847 I've always admired faithful military wives, and so I was surprised that I so much enjoyed this tale of a wife playing around while her husband was away in Vietnam. I think there were three things that made me enjoy the story: (1) The narrator presented the story as if the protagonist's action were the most natural thing in the world. (2) The metaphors were excellent. (3) The description was extremely vivid. Or maybe it's simply that the author is a just plain good writer. The action takes place in a pecan grove in Mississippi and in the nearby trailer park. And Judy makes a great pecan pie that tastes great if you eat it naked right after three-way sex. (Rating: 10) * "Coach" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385724109 Christine has planned a surprise for Hayden. She has left a provocative note inside a special issue of Playboy Magazine, and now she has sneaked into his office, wearing nothing but a trench coat and a smile. She has locked the doors, and now she springs the surprise upon him. Actually, SHE's the one who is surprised. It's not Hayden there behind the Playboy centerfold, but Dauber, who gives her cunt the ride of her life. This short piece is good - but it's not among Uncle Mike's best. Ratings for "Coach" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Instant Romance" by Dafney Dewitt (dafneydewitt@juno.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384836881 In my Honors English Class several years ago I had a lazy student who was the scion of a wealthy family. The assignment was to write a short story, and he turned in a short masterpiece entitled something like "The Surprise." I recognized it immediately as a slightly modified version of Saki's "The Open Window." Instead of accusing him of plagiarism, I simply gave him an F and made up silly criticisms of the story - describing it as shallow and unimaginative and accusing the author of such foibles as "poor word choice" and "unimaginative imagery." It was an exquisite form of torture. The kid knew I was full of baloney - after all, the story was actually written by H.H. Munro (Saki), one of the greatest authors of short stories in the English language. But he couldn't say that to me or even tell anybody else, because to do so he would have to admit that he had plagiarized the story. The present story is also an adaptation of "The Open Window." The author openly admits the connection; so this is NOT plagiarism. It's a pretty good story, but a weak adaptation. If you've never read "The Open Window" - or, for that matter, if a smart-assed English teacher once gave you an F for plagiarizing it - you should dig that story out from your old anthology or get it from the library and take a look at it. The main feature that the original story possesses but the present story lacks is the double whammy. In Saki's story a fiendishly clever little girl scares the shit out of a simple-minded visitor by feeding him a scenario about something that was supposed to have happened in the past. The visitor accepts this lie as true, and then is horrified to see the scene re-enacted before his eyes. He runs away in terror, thinking he has seen a ghost. The little girl, of course, knew this would happen. The family expresses wonderment over the visitor's sudden departure, and with equal facility the little demon generates an equally untrue story to explain why the guest ran away. Romance at short notice was indeed her specialty. In the present story, a surprise visitor simply "wings it" to have some fun with his sister's roommate. It's fun, but nowhere near the level of sophistication of Saki's story. I think there's huge potential to turn this and other classical short stories into really sexy masterpieces. The present author has merely taken a kernel of an idea and has omitted most of the original author's insights - the ability of the little girl to build up in the mind of her listener the irrational reaction which caused him to run out of the room and then to explain his unnatural behavior through a second lie. If anyone has the time, I'd love to see someone else take a shot at a sexy version of this story line. There are many other possibilities - an X-rated version of O. Henry's "The Ransom of Red Chief" or "The Gift of the Magi"; a sexy rendition of Conrad's "The Secret Sharer"; any number of Poe's stories. I would even proclaim another new contest, but someone has pointed out to me that my current Third contest is actually my Fourth. Life gets complicated when you get past eighteen.... Ratings for "Instant Romance" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 * "High Rise" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385740953 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385740947 You know, Mike Hunt is really great. I wish I had the nerve to say that sentence out loud in a bar. It would be a great pick-up line. I mean, you might get an interesting reply: "Your cunt is nothing compared to Emily Dickinson's." Anyway, Mike Hunt is really great. This time he writes from the perspective of his other self. The easiest way to explain this is that his original self is probably still recovering from the drubbing he took from Taria in her last story. Life gets complicated when you start playing significant roles in stories other than your own! Anyway, in this story Mike starts out by voyeurizing the lady who lives in the apartment in the high rise next to his own in Chicago. When he discovers that she goes online with AOL, he arranges to meet her there, without her knowing that it's him; and then the he who's online counsels the her who's online with regard to her budding romance with the him who she thinks is not online but really is. I think I got that right. It may be better if you just read the story. The basic flaw of this story is the tenuous assumption that two people can deliberately and easily get onto an AOL chat line almost at will in a major metropolitan area like Chicago - IN THE EVENING HOURS yet! Yeah, right. And the Cubs may win the World Series this year. What I liked best about this story was that the woman came with a "whoosh" and a "thunk." Actually, I'm just practicing quoting information out of context: she came _off the elevator_ with a "whoosh" and a "thunk." When she came in the sack it was simultaneously with her lover, but with neither a "whoosh" nor a "thunk." Ratings for "High Rise" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "On The Beach" by Ellen Hayes (nobody@REPLAY.COM). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385724112 Andrea is a teenager who has become stressed out because she has discovered that she feels a deep and mutual physical attraction for her close friend Darlene. She doesn't want to be a lesbian! Can't they just love each other and not be lesbians? Well, yes, I certainly think so; but I've had this argument too many times to repeat it again. This is another excellent story. As the author adds in a postscript, "You can separate sex from teenage angst, but you can't separate angst from teenage sex." Ratings for "On The Beach" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Morningsong" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). The lover is sleeping soundly, and the narrator is going to wake him up by gently maneuvering around him and stimulating his cock. Normally I don't like second-person ("you") stories, but this author does it very well. There is even a surprise ending to this very short story. Ratings for "Morningsong" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Paint" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). When a favorite author writes a very short story like "Morningsong," I am inclined to declare a bonus week and do a second story. So here goes. A young woman is helping her best friend paint an apartment. Her former boyfriend, who is now dating the best friend, is helping too. It is a sweltering hot day. When the best friend goes out for more paint, the other two go for an unscheduled quickie. Ratings for "Paint" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Father Dowling: I Am Heartily Sorry" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). I have never watched an entire episode of "Father Dowling." I may be wrong, but I had the impression that it had something to do with a priest and nun working together to solve crimes; but this story has no detective work in it. Since I know so little, I won't try to comment any further than that on how well this story works as a parody. The story focuses on Father Prestwick, who is hearing confessions. Most of the penitents are old ladies and children, whose "sins" are boring; but then in comes Mrs. Klimaszewski, the woman in her early 30's who wears no bra and whose husband is out of town and who confesses her sins of masturbating and getting it on with the newspaper boy. Since that session has already turned him on, Father feels predisposed to prod a little when Sister Stephanie comes in to confess her sins; and pretty soon Sister Steve has another sin - or several sins, depending on how you count - to confess the next time she drops by the confessional. I honestly believe that Catholic priests have gotten a bad rap in recent years. I think they are every bit as upright and virtuous, although certainly not as intelligent, as English teachers; and I really don't think they are any more likely to behave unprofessionally than other people who work closely with people. I really doubt that the sort of thing described in this story happens very often. But it sure makes a good story! Ratings for "Father Dowling" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----