Message-ID: <14838eli$9808290101@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 300- Aug 22 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 300 - August 22, 1998 Note: If Cartoons Were X-Rated: On the Simpsons, Maggie wouldn't be the only one going "suck, suck." When Popeye ate his spinach, the music would be the same, but the bulging would come from a different location. Fred Basset and Marmaduke would do it doggie-style. Cathy wouldn't be so talkative with her mouth full all the time. Scooby-Doo would spend all his time in the van offering passersby a "Scooby Snack." South Park would be pretty much the same. Second note: The pastor and his assistant rode their bikes to church every Sunday. One day the assistant showed up at church without his two-wheeler. The pastor asked him where his bike was. The assistant replied, "I don't know, but I think it has been stolen!" The pastor said, "Well, what you should do is read off the ten commandments during the service, and when you get to "Thou Shall Not Steal" someone will confess to the theft." The next Sunday the assistant had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back. Did you do what I suggested?" the pastor asked. The assistant answered, "Well, kind of. But when I was reading the commandments and got to "Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery," I seemed to remember where I had left it." Third note: I just got back from vacation. A special THANK YOU to the many reviewers whose reviews I found in my mailbox and which are in this issue! An equally special THANK YOU to Bitbard for posting CR 299 and my Cumulative Update while I was gone. However, my mailbox is jammed fuller than a whore's cunt at Billy Bob's. I cannot possibly respond to everything without falling way behind in my reviews. Thanks for your comments! Also, if you posted a story on a.s.s.m. during my absence, I'll probably find it. On the other hand, if you posted on a.s.s. and expect me to find it, you had better try sending me a copy instead. Final note: I have received some entries for my most recent contest. However, because I am backlogged, I have to extend the deadline until Aug 28. So there's still time to enter. Here are the rules: About 50 years ago Ray Bradbury wrote a story called "The Veldt." In that story a family has a nursery for their children that includes what we would now call a virtual reality playroom. When the children go into the playroom, they get the authentic feeling of being in an actual veldt - a jungle area populated by mysterious and dangerous animals. Complications arise when the playroom takes on a life of its own - when the virtual reality becomes more real than virtual. You can imagine what happens when Mom and Dad decide to close down the playroom - or you can read the story (which is in Bradbury's book entitled "The Illustrated Man") to see how Bradbury handles the ending. Your job is to write a story based on the general premise of a virtual reality playroom. Feel free to change almost everything. You can have adults rather than children, and you don't need non-human animals at all. In fact, it might be best not to even look at Bradbury's story at all - let your own imagination have full play. Bradbury's story is actually a Frankenstein story with a moral - what happens when we fail to understand technology and its limitations? Your story doesn't have to be like that at all. You don't even need to know that Bradbury himself once said that "man's machines are indeed symbols of his most secret cravings and desires, extra hands put out to touch and interpret the world." Post your stories as you feel they are ready. Send me a copy. Deadline is now August 28. If you think you have submitted a story for this contest, please send me a query to verify that I have received it. I'd hate to lose a good entry in the mass of messages piled on my desktop. One more note: If you are the author of "Airport," please contact me and tell me your name. I received this story as an attached file, but it has no name on it anymore. Listen up: if you want credit for your stories, y'all had better put your name on the top line right under the title and right above the text of the story. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste ===================== Celestial Reviews: ===================== "Champagne & Trains" by bernadette (unusual one-nighter) 9, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383133998 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14596.txt "Awakenings" by Ann Douglas (emerging ff sexuality) 9, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524630 01 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524625 02 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524620 03 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524636 04 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524641 05 "Builders" by Nick (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381517147 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14386.txt "Principles" by the_story_writer (getting pregnant) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382450014 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14548.txt "Making Waves" by Unknown Author (sex in public) 9, 7, 7 {Unarchived} ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "New Beginnings" by Miss Behavin (romance). Bitbard:10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376245490 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/13476.txt "Unmasked" by Jordan Shelbourne (retired superhero). LeAnna: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=377118863 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13578.txt "Possession" by EazinAlong (pleasant bdsm). Mink: 9, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376240419 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13482.txt "The Artist" by Paris Waterman (seduction). Sven: 9.5, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376245508 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13500.txt "Of Age" by Ashes22 (rape). LeAnna: 5, 4, 2 {Unarchived} "Voodoo" by mc_writer (mind control). Baird: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287692 1-4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287687 5-8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287679 9-11 "Kat" by Mocha Man (liberation through swinging). McStuff: 4, 8, 7 {Unarchived} "Portfolio Update" by Jeff Justice (photo-shoot sex). Myers: 8.5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366844478 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=375043459 "Intro to Your Seduction" by El Sol (seduction). Ivan: 9, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=374582580 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13323.txt "The Kind Men Like" by Q. Daphne A. (futuristic sex). JJMoneyBoy: 10, 10, 10 {Unarchived} ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Zipless Fuck" by Doug (quickie) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378068113 * "Ripe" by Bronwen (pregnant sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380904989 * "Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (hot threesome) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380892041 * "Good Sport" by Plainman (playful sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380898049 * "You Always Sleep with Your Hairdresser - Don't You?" by Sven the Elder (witty sexual encounters) 9.5, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=220096085 * "The Better To..." by M.M. Twassel (fairy tale sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380873838 * "Little Red Riding Hood" by Sarah Jahn (fairy tale sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=213557659 * "Father Dowling: I Am Heartily Sorry" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382436480 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382436502 * "The Goodnight Kiss" by Summer's Rose (sleepy sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380898051 * "Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (D&s) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380892033 * "Bulls" by Lord Malinov (sexual exploit) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378061695 * "Marissa's Promise" by Jonathan Dzoba (teen romance & masturbation) 10, 8, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382436484 ================== "Champagne & Trains" by bernadette (by_bernadette@yahoo.com) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383133998 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14596.txt The woman is lonely on New Year's Eve. She leaves a party and goes to a bar, where she is still out of place and alone. Suddenly she sees the man of her destiny, and impulsively she injects herself into his life. They leave the bar and eventually make love to the sound and rhythms of a roaring train as it passes by them in a desolate area. This author shows potential. The present story is a bit slow in development. It also lacks emotions, but I suppose the author wanted to convey a feeling of loneliness that would have been disrupted by displays of more active emotions. I'll look for more stories by this author. Ratings for "Champagne & Trains" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Awakenings" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524630 01 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524625 02 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524620 03 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524636 04 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381524641 05 Kathryn has a good job at her company's introductory level and has aspirations for a future career. This makes her a little unpopular with some of her female coworkers, who view their jobs as interim activity between weekend cock hunts. Since she stays to herself and isn't out to get laid, she acquires an inaccurate reputation as a lesbian. Kathryn's relationship with her boyfriend has about run its course, and a female friend at work has invited her to a play in the city. Where do you think this is heading? What Ann Douglas is really good at is her intelligent handling of the ambivalence of emerging ff sexual feelings. Her characters are not airheads looking for a sexual thrill, but intelligent people who are integrating their emotions with their personalities. As usual, Ann does a good job of combining present activities with flashbacks to the past. The result is an excellent combination of well-described mf, ff, and solo sexual action. There are a few stylistic lapses in this story. For example, within a span of two sentences we have this sequence: "So you'll just have to get along with out me." "Suite yourself," Angela said as she got up to leave. And in the next paragraph the author refers to Kathryn as Yolanda. In another place a spellcheck has apparently changed "elevator" to "elevation," even though she was riding the "lift" to a lower floor. Later Angela hugs a friend in a "pubic place." There's no law against proofreading! Ratings for "Awakenings" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Builders" by Nick (nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381517147 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14386.txt Remember the sexy hunk in the Coke commercial of a few years ago? He would take his shirt off and drink a Coke while all the women ogled him from nearby windows. {I didn't expect my computer to accept "ogled," but the spellcheck didn't even blink!"} Well, this story is sort of from the Coke Man's point of view. He's a working bloke on a tiny island off the coast of Europe, and he has a bod that the birds and crackers admire - sort of a "page three man," if you can imagine such a thing. And he struts his stuff. This story is a Day in His Life. No actual sex, but some good voyeurism and exhibitionism. A really nice little tale. All of which reminds us of the following story: Every day the woman watched the young landscape gardener through her kitchen window. He was tanned and blond with rippling muscles and an enticing bulge in his jeans. Two or three times a day he'd step behind the tool shed. She knew what he was doing, and her imagination soared at the thought of what he held in his hand. Finally, she saw him slip behind the shed and she hurried around the shed from the other side. There he was in all his splendid glory, pissing on the ground. Her heart leapt when she saw his penis. She blurted, "Mmmm. I'll have some of that." "Well," he drawled, "you'd better get a cup quick. I'm about finished." Ratings for "Builders" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Principles" by the_story_writer (the_story_writer@yahoo.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382450014 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14548.txt Synopsis: The guy doesn't want to overpopulate the world, but he really likes to fuck his wife. For her part, she wants to have a very large family. She finds ways to get pregnant - again and again and again.... In its own way this story is as "repulsive" as the pedophile and incest stories. I mean, it really isn't a good idea to overpopulate our planet, is it? But I laughed my head off while I read this story and then went in and did the big nasty with my husband. Fortunately, he knows how to say "vasectomy," which is something that our hero does not seem to know about. Ratings for "Principles" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Making Waves" by Unknown Author (arcticwolverien@hotmail.com). This story should be classified as an unadorned adolescent fantasy - kind of like the sort of thing you'll see someday on a cable channel that broadcasts the cartoonized sexual fantasies of school children. Imagine this: A guy goes to a waterbed store to buy some sheets, and the saleslady is a lewd and lascivious little love lioness who fucks him repeatedly and enthusiastically! Wow! Imagine that. And the author has lots more just like this one! Imagine that. Ratings for "Making Waves" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "New Beginnings" by Miss Behavin' (missbehavin@sprint.ca). Guest review by BitBard (bitbard@newsguy.com) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376245490 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/13476.txt I have to admit I was reluctant to read this story. I was getting a little behind in my email and my other reading, and then there was this story idea I had rattling around in my head. And I'll say the beginning of the un- coded story did not help my reluctance any either. I mean how many fathers watch porno flicks with their sons at a bachelor party? So I wasn't overly thrilled with where the story was going. And then something wonderful happened as the story moved forward, alternating between the present and fond remembrances by the husband of his late wife. Bit by bit the details began to build a story of a man who's been alone for a very long time and then meets of all people, the best friend of his brand new daughter-in-law. The story deals very tactfully with the intergenerational issues but also deals realistically with the problems of loss and being too long out of the mating game. All of this makes the sex realistic and tangible, in addition to being very well written and hot. I think maybe the story ends too abruptly, but not jarringly so. I think I would have liked to see an exploration of the intergenerational relationship after the sex (For instance, how will the new daughter-in-law take to having her best friend becoming her mother-in-law?). But this is a nit. As abruptly as the story ends, it ends in a charmingly thought-provoking and very human manner. All told this is a wonderful story and well worth your time. It was certainly worth mine no matter how scarce it happens to be at the moment :-) Ratings for "New Beginnings" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Unmasked" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). Guest review by LeAnna. (This review means only my opinion, nothing more.) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=377118863 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13578.txt This is an excellent story. It starts out right after an engaged couple, Emily and Jim, finish making love. There's a slight problem with their sex life -- she never orgasms during 'it'. Jim asks her why, and she gives him a laconic answer. It's obvious that they've been through this before. After lying together for a few moments, they get up to go through her scrapbooks, deciding what to throw out before she moves in with him. Jim opens a scrapbook and discovers that Emily was once a sexy young superhero named "The Blackbird". The same superhero that fueled dozens of his adolescent fantasies. He can't quite get over it. The thought gets his hormones pumpin' (and that's not all that gets pumpin'...) What is meaningful about this story is the psychology that develops -- even though she insists that she isn't involved with that anymore and should get rid of her costume, she still gets revved up by the mere thought of her previous escapades. The moral here is... no, I won't get into that. :-) It's a good read -- pick this one up and see for yourself! The dialogue is impeccable, the sex is clitoris-tingling, and the love between them is obvious. Ratings for 'Unmasked' Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 LeAnna (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Possession" by EazinAlong (EazinAlong@aol.com). Guest review by the reclusive Mike Ink. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376240419 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13482.txt Bobby Vinton once did a song with the line "She wore blue velvet." In this story, she wears black velvet, at least a black velvet blindfold. Since this is ASSM, you'll not be surprised to hear that she is wearing little else midway through the story, except for some rope. She is curious about dominance and submission, so she and her lover are trying something new tonight. The result is a rather nice short tale of consensual sex with a mild D/S theme. The quote that summed things up for me was, "Your orgasm is your tribute to me," he gasped. "Cum loud and hard so I'll know you appreciate this." There are a few small technical flaws. Several words were misspelled, and an apparently new one was created. I don't think "orgastic" is really a word; the author should pick either orgiastic or orgasmic as he pleases. There are also two minor stylistic flaws, at least to my taste. First, the author ... overuses ... ellipses. He manages ... to pack ... 137 ... of them ... into 176 paragraphs ... counting dialog. That proved to be ... a little too much ... of a good thing. It was like talking ... to someone with asthma ... on a bad day. I would recommend more use of commas, semicolons, and such. Also, her blindfold wasn't the only thing that got me thinking of black velvet. Some of the adjectives were overly lush and stereotyped, again at least to my taste. Some sample phrases: "the smooth globes encased in the tight fabric," and "the valley between her orbs." The author is a competent wordsmith; his dialog is good, and the characterization is deft, but he needs to dial back the similes just a hair. In fairness, I'm criticizing some admittedly minor points, because this is a good story. It's short, reasonably hot, and just the thing for a quick light read. Recommended. Here's where I ease along to the numbers: Ratings for "Possession" Athena (technical quality): 9 (just ... too ... many ... ellipses) Venus (plot & character): 10 (simple and predictable, but deftly handled) Mink (appeal to reviewer): 9 (but you might rate it higher) "The Artist" by Paris Waterman (the_panda@hotmail.com). Review by Sven the Elder, who may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376245508 --- http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13500.txt Synopsis: Delicious seduction I loved this entwined tale. It's slightly different to the norm and delightfully appealing as a result. It's the description of a runway seduction from the lady's point of view, with her thoughts as to what's being done and what's happening to her. I have to say the sex is hot and well described. I particularly liked the ending. I did have two problems, I guess some automobiles in the US are a little larger than their English counterparts. As the scene progresses, a smaller model would have been a definite handicap. Just to digress slightly, I had a friend who carried out all his courting and seduction in an English Mini- minor. Small these most certainly are, built for sex they most certainly are not. He used to say it was a relief if the night was dry, at least one could open the windows and poke your feet outside. Conjures up an interesting picture! The second item has caused me to drop the points a little under technical marks. Celeste has pointed this out before and I would get my wrist slapped if I missed it. My dictionary definition is as follows (paraphrased in the interests of brevity): 'Areola - any circular spot, such as those round the nipple. Aureola - crown or aura of light round the head of a saint, or a halo round the sun.' Sorry but it is a basic error that has been dwelt upon in the past. I will be taking up the authors offer to visit his web site. Ratings for "The Artist" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 One glaring error. Venus (plot & character): 10 although short (a little over 2000 words) this was nicely dealt with and developed. Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10 A little 'strokish', but that is *not* a complaint. "Of Age" by ashhes22@hotmail.com. Guest review by LeAnna. (This review means only my opinion, nothing more. If it pisses you off, tell yourself that I'm talking out of my ass and have a stiff drink.) Incidentally, this story looked kinda like spam. If you want thousands more stories JUST like this one, go to http://www.bullshit.com. There are some good stories in alt.sex.stories. This is not one of them. This is not well-written, and it gives me a vibe... a vibe.... Yes! It was written by a 17-year old guy who wishes he could dominate and control a woman like this! It's done in such a subtle way -- kinda creeps up on you. It *ALMOST* falls into the category of "rape-but-ok-cuz-she-dug-it-man". But this guy musta figured out that it wasn't cool and then tried to hide it in a story it had no business hiding in. If he had *expanded* on the parts that seemed like he was trying to hide it, it could have been so much better. Even if it's the most disgusting story -- WRITE IT as it WANTS to be WRITTEN. There was a prison snuff story written by Wollstonecraft that stands among one of my favorites. Most readers, if the story is good enough, will overlook squick content. The narrator, a male, meets a chick at a grocery store. She invites him to her house for coffee. This led me to believe that the woman was rather dumb, but I overrode that in my head. He does the movie-smooth-guy-act of putting the girl in front of a mirror and showing her how beautiful she is when she, as usual of all females, starts bitching about her looks. And then he, in one smooth move, strips her of all clothing. She says in an icy voice that he should leave. This is the main part, right here, that led me to believe that it was not well-written. It almost seemed as if the author was purposely trying to suppress the nature of the story -- he mentions her unhappiness with him in such an off-hand way that I barely caught it. And then goads her into a blowjob. But she loves it, she's lapping him up. And then she bows to him and thanks him for being so good to her. And the story plays on. If you couldn't guess what my major problem with the plot was... read the preceding paragraph again. Technically, the sentences were too long, mauled commas as an additive to our English language, and sort of, went off point and topic, a little bit like this, which was the same way that her hair lay on her head. If the author wants a couple of extra periods, I've got some laying around here. In any case, I'm giving it very low technical points because the author didn't even try to proofread it. If s/he had, he'd have caught the commas out there all the way in space , and lassoed them in to the corral. Misuse of ye olde comma bugs me. Sadly, next to the previous story that Celeste sent me (which went unreviewed), this was incredibly intelligent and literate. I also consider this part of the technical score: many of the events were non sequiturs. For instance, in the third paragraph, no dialogue, she says that her boyfriend thinks she's stupid. So the narrator replies, "but you're such a good conversationalist!" Don't show me. TELL ME, please. I want to find out -- I don't want to be told. Another nit: don't repeat words or similar words (unless you happen to be having fun playing with them.) But don't say, "And so she bent over, so she could show me her shiny twat, so I sunk my shivering sword into her slick hole." It's not a tongue-twister, it's a paragraph. Incidentally, the title? "Of Age". The author mentioned _once_ that she was 19. In no way did he show her innocence that the title implied. If he thought her reluctance meant innocence... I wouldn't want this narrator anywhere near me, and I'm nowhere near a sweet little girl. Authors: Aspire to be the best you can be. If you don't trust your own proofreading, well, for goodness' sake, just email Celeste and she'll loan out one of her bitches. :-) At least give it a honest effort. Trust me, the reader can tell. Most of the time. Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 4 LeAnna (appeal to reviewer): 2 "Voodoo" (mc, Mdom, MF, FF) by mc_writer (mc_writer@hotmail.com). Reviewed by Baird Allen (thebear@io.com) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287692 1-4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287687 5-8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287679 9-11 "Voodoo" tells the story of a man, displeased with his wife's frequent "headaches" and minimal sexual responsiveness, who consults a Voodoo practitioner and arranges to have his wife's passions aroused and her loyalty assured. In fact, the treatment turns her into his sexual slave, obedient to his every word so long as he possesses the amulet that controls her. If that were the sum total of this story's plot, it would be no different from any other mind control story that you might find on any casual skim through a.s.s. This one is different, however, in its unexpected affirmation of the value of free will. How is that difference achieved? Sorry, I can't tell you that without ruining the plot. The summary above barely skims the surface. I recommend that you read the story yourself. Now, a word about the meaning of the numbers at the end of this review: An email correspondent recently accused me of going soft and giving out too many 10-10-10 reviews. There may be some truth to this, but if so it is only my attempt to make the ratings on reviews that I write equivalent to the ratings on reviews written by Celeste herself. Perhaps a 10-10-10 once meant that a story was exemplary in every way, a jewel among lesser gems; but it is my perception that it has come to be awarded to stories that do not necessarily stand out above the crowd of *good* stories, but rather have nothing wrong with them to justify downgrading them below 10s. I do not want any writer to suffer for being reviewed by me rather than by Celeste, so a story that has nothing technically wrong will get a 10 on Athena and a story that has adequate plot and characters will get a 10 on Venus. The Bear score remains my own, but if a story pleases me I will tend to rate it highly, perhaps higher than I would have in the past. "Voodoo" is a perfect example of what I mean. The writer uses the English language competently, with no jarring typos or glaring grammatical errors to jolt the reader out of the story. That gets a 10 on Athena. The plot advances, twists, and turns, with nothing to disrupt the willing suspension of disbelief by the reader. The characters are not drawn as exquisitely as those of some of my favorite mainstream authors, but they are not mere cardboard cutouts either. So, a 10 on Venus. I liked the story, especially when it turned or twisted in some way not in accord with the expected formula. OK, a 10 on the Bear rating as well. This is a good story, well-written. I suggest that you read it, even if you ordinarily skip over stories of mind control and magic. Ratings for "Voodoo": Athena (technical merit): 10 Venus (plot and character): 10 Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Kat" by Mocha Man. Reviewed by A.M. McStuff, who may be reached at assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com. http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371055001.1&CONTEXT=902264879.637075771&hi tnum=3 Summary -- The narrator is a happily married man whose wife's libido is mysteriously on the rise. He discovers the source: she's "bumping uglies" night after night at a club called "Ladies Choice." He visits said club, lays a woman to whom he is not married, and after a bit of confusion everyone is happy and well-sexed. The writer of this story wants you to like him. I just know it. Picture Tim Meadows of Saturday Night Live, or Don Cheadle of "Boogie Nights" playing the porn-star-with-the-heart-of-gold who really just want to be the proprietor of his own stereo shop. The narrator is an affable and loving man. Easy to get along with, hard to hold a grudge against. But read the first line of the story: "I am one of those men who considered a workaholic." Let's not even quibble with passive voice, a trap often fallen into by this author. Ahem. Where is the "is?" Mocha Man begins the story in the present tense; I find this adds an enticing patina of immediacy to the events a la Scott Turow's "Presumed Innocent." Present tense is not to everyone's taste, but that's okay -- if you don't like it, stick around! The story shifts between present and past tense several times in the first page alone. Even within the same sentence. I threw the printout across the room more than once in frustration. ...But I did pick it up again. There's a sexy story hiding here, written by a clever, decent person who's too lazy to edit. That's more than can be said for most of the stories on ASSM. Mocha Man is capable of capturing precisely the emotions experienced by his characters. Listen to the mental whirlwind of the narrator when he discovers that the woman he's been watching screw another man turns out to be his wife, the eponymous Kat: "Man I didn't know what to think. fourteen million things were running through my mind. Mad, insane, divorce, that was great sex, Theresa was awesome, I love Kat, I wonder if the Nicks were going to make it to the playoffs, I like titties." That's first class writing. Perceptive and funny. So ignore Mocha Man when he asks you in a post script "Please excuse all typos. I am not the best writer." Given the proper editing this story could shine. Let us emphasize a golden rule for ASSM (or any other writing venue): Authors should never submit a first draft for review. Period. Ratings for :Kat" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Portfolio Update" by Jeff Justice. Guest review by Dave Myers. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366844478 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=375043459 This author has talent, let me say that up front. He also has an eye for details and for what is sexy. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this work is its ability to highlight the small touches without seeming clinical. With elements like narrating through a sequence when characters are downloading porno pics from the net, or the anxiety over going condomless with a very fertile woman, the author maintains credibility where many others have stumbled before. Synopsis: A woman from work asks for a man's help on a photo shoot. It's a simple enough idea that flies well, for the most part. The author drops into a few photo shoot cliches here and there, but not too destructively. There are, of course, some improvements that can be made to the story. The header indicates that this is a "grammar-revised" version. Well, it still needs MORE revision in that respect. There were at least half a dozen spelling and grammar errors I counted in the first half of the story, which is about where I stopped counting. The intergenerational aspect of the plot is unnecessary. It may have originally been intended to lead somewhere bigger, but "as is", it's just distracting and adds too much of a "dirty-old-man" air to the flavor. Rating: 8.5 "Intro to Your Seduction" by El Sol (munster@eden.rutgers.edu). Guest reviewed by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13323.txt --- http://x1.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=374582580 The sub-title on this story is "An instructional on your seduction." And you know, I think that's as good a description of this story as you will likely find. We have a guy who decides he wants to seduce a woman. Over the following weeks, he explains how he "innocently" manipulates her until they finally end up naked together on the couch. The instructional explains how he befriends her, how he gives her backrubs, and how they go to the movies. But most of all, we are taught the importance of patience. This guy takes a long time before he ends up in the heroine's pants. I thought the story moved a little slow in places, and the instructional tone almost wore out its welcome. But it was a fascinating way to tell a story, and one that I had not read before. I would classify this story as a mostly successful experiment, and one the author should be proud of. Ratings for "Intro to Your Seduction" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 9 "The Kind Men Like" by Q. Daphne A. (strip-qda@mindless.com). Guest review by JJMoneyBoy. Q Daphne A has quickly become one of my favorite authors, this being the 5th story that I've read. This one adds the element of science fiction, and quite nicely. A young woman finds herself used as a "model" for a sex machine/toy. She is stunned to find a "model" in her apartment one night. That reality gives way to an even stranger ending, as they quickly become, ummmm .... more than just friends. It was a story that had me scrolling as quickly as I could devour the words. I'll admit that I'm not sure I find myself looking with too much eagerness toward the future, but, on the other hand ..... Daphne's description of the heroine is exquisite. The details of the futuristic times are elaborate and convincing. The conversation with the "machine" is both clever and funny. Oh geeez, I just had a thought. Daphne, did you slip Monica one of those power packs?? Does Ken Starr know about this?? It might just be enough to get our boy Bill off the hook. One more thing, Daphne ..... you forgot to include instructions on how to order a catalogue. Please make sure to get me the number before you give it out to your adoring public. After all, the "Kellys" are the kind men like!!!!! Ratings for "The Kind Men Like" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 JJMoneyBoy (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Zipless Fuck" by Doug (parapuke repost). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378068113 A zipless fuck occurs when the fucker doesn't know the fuckee, there is no meaningless chatter, and there is no playing games. The two people see each other, they are attracted to each other, and they fuck each other. In the quintessential zipless fuck the participants don't even speak to each other. They may never even see one another again, but it doesn't matter, because they both got what they wanted. A zipless fuck is extremely romantic in an unromantic sort of way. This is a story of a zipless fuck. Having defined it, what else can I say? It's pretty hot stuff. I myself have never done a zipless fuck. However, I have been a participant in numerous ultra-zipless fucks. A UZF is everything that a ZF is, with the addition that not only do we UZFers not know each other or talk about it, we don't even actually do it. For that matter, my partner often doesn't even know I am having a UZF with him/her/them. I just plan it and work out the details in my perverted little mind. Think about it! Gotcha! You may have just been the victim of a UZF! Ratings for "Zipless Fuck" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Ripe" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380904989 I was once in a graduate course where, for some reason, the professor showed on the big screen a picture of a woman with really large breasts. I think the purpose was to demonstrate the impact of distractions on meaningful information. The professor asked us to summarize the contents of what we had seen and, of course, none of us could do this, because we were all overwhelmed with the thought of those magnificent tits or related events. However, as soon as he asked the question, one lady shot her hand up, and said, "The whole thing reminded me of the value of motherhood." She was serious, but the rest of us howled with laughter. So in this story we have a women who is obscenely large, cradled like a peach in packaging, a pillow between her thighs, another under her belly, three supporting her head and shoulders, a melted pack of peas between the soles of her feet, sweating bullets in the hottest summer of hot summers, and yet she is beautiful. Maybe you have to have been there - or gotten somebody there; but pregnant sex can be beautiful, even in Great Britain. This is a very nice, romantic, sexy story. Ratings for "Ripe" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380892041 When he and his wife started on a nice trip, the only thing he did NOT want to do was drive 7 hours out of his way to let his wife visit her old college roommate Maria in upstate Maine. Why's that? Well, in some old pictures he had seen Maria was about 40 pounds overweight, had bad hair, and didn't shave her underarms. Still, June had roomed with Maria for two years at Penn State, and they got along super. And besides, June did give great head under the table (among other places - see earlier reviews) and so a side trip to Maine was in order. Well, time has been good to Maria. As the evening wanes, however, Maria feels bad. She and June have been reminiscing and telling sorority stories and Mike Hunt has been totally bored. What can they do to include him? What, indeed! Surprise! They talk about everything from politics to religion to movies to Mike's own college days. Much later June mentions how they always used to talk about how they slept with the same guys. Just not at the same time. Until now. The threeway develops really nicely. They don't just jump into bed together - well, they do, but.... You had better read the story yourself. It's a good one! Ratings "Maria in Maine" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Good Sport" by Plainman (an701930@anon.penet.fi). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380898049 This "story" consists of 18 brief "paragraphs." No paragraph is more than five lines long, and some are as short as five words. The story describes the meeting, flirtation, and eventual sexual activity between a man and a woman. The story leaves almost everything to the imagination; but the short passages did a very good job of stimulating this reader's libidinous fantasy. Ratings for "Good Sport" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "You Always Sleep with Your Hairdresser - Don't You?" by Sven the Elder. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=220096085 The guy is new in the neighborhood. While he's out working in the yard, one of the more established ladies of the neighborhood assumes he is the gardener and asks for his rates. When he states a low wage, she asks for his card; and he decides to get her off his back by stating that he expects perks as well. "Oh I'm sure we could come to some arrangements," she says; "I mean I could supply plenty of refreshments and a midday meal as well." "Ah yes," the man replies, "But I gets to sleep with the mistress of the house as well." The exact route by which the narrator gets from there to an emboinkment with the hairdresser is better explained by the author than by a humble critic like myself. For that matter, this guy would probably claim to sleep with the literary critic as well, if he thought it would do him any good! Ratings for "You always sleep with your hairdresser" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Better To..." by M.M. Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380873838 This is a bizarre story; but possibly not as bizarre as this review. First, let me point out that the author says that this story was inspired by Sarah Fox Jahn's "Little Red Riding Hood," which was itself inspired by the fairy tale of that same name published by the French poet and critic Charles Perrault in 1697. As you probably assume, I do extensive research for each of these reviews. Let me tell you what I have learned from my on-line encyclopedia about fairy tales. The ordinary fairy tale works with polarities - good and bad, beautiful and ugly - and tells of the wondrous adventures of a heroes or heroines who, after a series of struggles with supernatural forces, attain their wish and live happily ever after. The protagonists are almost always royal or of royal descent. That's the ORDINARY fairy tale. My encyclopedia goes on to tell me, however, that such stories as Little Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Killer differ in two important respects. First, their protagonists are often ordinary people. Second, in addition to entertaining, most of these stories teach some fairly hard lessons about the ways of the world. My encyclopedia says this about Perrault's work (which includes "Red"): "What makes {his stories} a children's book is really only his effort to keep the tales short. Otherwise, their wit and sophistication imply--for later readers, at least--adult listeners...." The present author's modern rendition, I suppose, emphasizes that adult element. On another note, I have seen authors use many terms to describe the lower regions of the female anatomy - honey pot, love muffin, cumbucket, bearded clam, beaver, furry hoop, unplowed garden, hairy taco, love tunnel, pleasure pouch, shaven haven, rumpleteaser, and whicker biscuit, to name just a few; but I cannot remember ever before reading about pudendal fleece caressing anyone's cheek. Half the time I couldn't figure out what was happening as I read this story; but when I did figure it out, I had an "Oh, yeah!" reaction that was delightful. Like most normal readers who are at least vaguely aware of the fairy tale, I often tried to get ahead of the author by guessing what would happen next; and then I would tell myself that the author had blown it and had gotten away from the parallel to the original story, only to find a sudden return to the original plot with another interesting twist. I love it when authors do this to me. I'm not going to tell you much about the story. Find it and read it yourself. I am also going to repost my review of Sarah Jahn's story. Maybe she'll repost her story for us. Ratings for "The Better To..." Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Little Red Riding Hood" by Sarah Jahn (sfjahn@ix.netcom.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=213557659 I enjoy sex stories based on fairy tales, because I usually know the basic plot and I enjoy waiting to see how the perverted author will debase and enrich the original story line. In this case, the wolf is a lusty lady who could just eat Little Red all up. That's all you need to know; you can either fill in the details yourself or read the story. I vaguely remember a woodcutter or plumber or someone who showed up to rescue Little Red at the end of the original story; I guess that's the part that this author changed. I really enjoyed this cute little story. One anomaly: fairy tales usually have a moral, but this story does not. I suppose that's because authors for this newsgroup don't have any morals. Ratings for "Little Red Riding Hood Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Father Dowling: I Am Heartily Sorry" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382436480 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382436502 I have never watched an entire episode of "Father Dowling." I may be wrong, but I had the impression that it had something to do with a priest and nun working together to solve crimes; but this story has no detective work in it. Since I know so little, I won't try to comment any further than that on how well this story works as a parody. The story focuses on Father Prestwick, who is hearing confessions. Most of the penitents are old ladies and children, whose "sins" are boring; but then in comes Mrs. Klimaszewski, the woman in her early 30's who wears no bra and whose husband is out of town and who confesses her sins of masturbating and getting it on with the newspaper boy. Since that session has already turned him on, Father feels predisposed to prod a little when Sister Stephanie comes in to confess her sins; and pretty soon Sister Steve has another sin - or several sins, depending on how you count - to confess the next time she drops by the confessional. I honestly believe that Catholic priests have gotten a bad rap in recent years. I think they are every bit as upright and virtuous, although certainly not as intelligent, as English teachers; and I really don't think they are any more likely to behave unprofessionally than other people who work closely with people. I really doubt that the sort of thing described in this story happens very often. But it sure makes a good story! Ratings for "Father Dowling" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Goodnight Kiss" by Summer's Rose (sumersrose@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380898051 The man is very tired and needs to fall asleep, but his lover is in a playful mood. She tells him to just go ahead and fall asleep while she fondles and makes love to him, but he somehow becomes aroused and turns the tables on her. What a nice idea! Ratings for "The Goodnight Kiss" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380892033 Are there really guys in the world that would show up for a lunchtime appointment with a woman who is going to essentially torture them and send them back to work? I was going to further ask whether there are woman who would actually enjoy doing this, but I know the answer to the second question is yes. However, they are not very nice women. Ratings for "Lunchtime Vignette" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Bulls' by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378061695 This story is set in the context of two guys having a desultory conversation in a bar, with one of them bragging about his sexual exploits with a nymphomaniac he had fucked recently. That element of realism makes the plot of the sexual escapades hard to follow, but no harder than when we have a similar conversation of our own in a bar or library - depending on our level of sophistication, I guess. This was a nice quickie. Ratings for "Bulls" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Marissa's Promise" by Jonathan Dzoba (jondz@ix.netcom.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382436484 Marissa and Jonathan were teenage lovers. When Jonathan had to go away for two weeks, the two of them promised that neither would masturbate during the hiatus; that way they would be like matchbooks ready to explode when they finally got back together. To understand the magnitude of this promise, you have to realize that this period of abstinence followed a prolonged period of what football players call three-a-days: first kissing and teasing, then oral satisfaction (first him, then her), and finally lovemaking. How would you keep this kind of promise? You could try gardening, playing scrabble with your mother, writing letters to your boyfriend, studying school subjects more assiduously than usual, or hanging out with your old girlfriend. Would passion dwindle over time? Would your interests become diverted? You'll have to read the story to find out. I commend the author for showing restraint; the story involves none of the wham-bam climax stuff that an author would be tempted to work into this plot. It would have been easy for Julie to eat Marissa's pussy and bring her to a fabulous climax and for them to rationalize that this wasn't really breaking the deal - she would not actually have masturbated, and nobody had included sex with other members of the same gender as part of the bargain. I liked this story, but there's something lacking in it. The author has tried to be realistic; and I think the flaw is that he has been *too* realistic. The story reads like an actual description of something that really happened. Objective accuracy is important in anthropological studies, in police reports, and in biographies of non-politicians; but fiction writers are allowed to have a climax and denouement in their stories. I got the feeling that this author wanted to avoid a really insipid or simplistic ending, went out of his way to make the story seem realistic, and then couldn't think of a way to end it; and so he just stopped writing. Don't get me wrong. This is still a pretty good story. It has a lot of excellent sexual tension in it, and you may be more satisfied than I was with the level of realism and the ending. Speaking of realism, the real answer to the question of what to do during separations like the one in this story lies in two words: telephone sex. I've had some great fun when my husband has "reached out and touched me" late at night with Ma Bell's help or when I have done the same for him. "No fair!" you say. The plot requires that we be separated and incommunicado for two weeks. In that case, my advice is don't make deals like this. Such promises are good for fiction, but not for real life. Read alt.sex.stories and masturbate all you want for the first twelve days of his absence. Encourage him to do the same. Think of each other while you do it, and plan just how you're going to make each other happy. Purchase the blindfolds and the whipped cream. Abstain for the final two days. The explosive impact upon reunion will be as good as if you abstained for the entire two weeks, and you'll be spared all the frustration and temptation. Trust me. An angel appeared to me in my sleep and revealed this strategy to me. Ratings for "Marissa's Promise" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----