Message-ID: <12074eli$9806111500@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 287 - June 10 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <364de603.357ffa7c@aol.com> Celestial Reviews 287 - June 10, 1998 Note: There once were two beer guzzlers who wanted something to drink. They had only a $1.50 between them. One guy said to the other, " I have an idea." He told his friend to buy a hot-dog from a nearby stand and to bring it back to the alley where they were sitting. Then they went into a bar and ordered two beers. By the time the bartender came to get the money they had finished their drinks, and the first guy had stuck the hot dog in his pants zipper and the second guy was bent over and sucking it. The bartender called them a couple of queers and kicked them out. They did this routine for 8 or 10 more bars until they were totally blitzed and back in the alley. In the alley the second guy turned to the first and said, "I'm hungry. Where's the hot-dog?" The first guy responded, "I dropped that 5 bars ago." Second note: Aesop tells about the lioness who was walking through the woods and got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw a mouse passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out. The mouse asked, "What do I get in return?" The lioness replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you." So the mouse gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out, he looks up at the lioness and says, "OK, it's out; are you ready?" The lioness thinks, "Hey, what's a little mouse gonna do anyway?" The mouse climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey in a tree overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head." Ouch!" yells the elephant; and the mouse responds, "Yeah! Take it all, bitch." Third note: A salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. It's opened by a 4 year old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whisky in the other and a hard core porn magazine tucked under his arm. Salesman: "Hello sonny. Are your parents home?" Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?" Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "Up on the Roof" by Sventek (sex on rooftop) 9, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359406512 "In Control" by Bluelady (intense poem) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201368 "Would You" by LadyBear (poem) 8, 5, 5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357178715 "Spy Games" by JJ (really stupid sex) 4, 3, 3 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358682051 "Dance" by LeAnna (somber sex story) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360885404 "Destinies" by Kim (reincarnated sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360866726 Guest Reviews: "Frozen Decadence" by Lady Id (vampire sex) 8, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358892327 "Jacuzzi Sex" by D-Man (outdoor jacuzzi sex) 8.5, 7.5, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010870 "The Wild Side" by Grey Wolf (action romance) 9, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=354649327 "Assmaster McStuff and the Clandestine Meeting" by Assmaster MacStuff (sexual tryst) 6, 7, 7.5 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348544565 "Dear Diary" by Parker (sex slavery) 9, 8, 3 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201414 "Fun in Class" by Takeme (female masturbation) 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357059041 "Drug Induced Lust" by sventek (horror story sex) 7, 7, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359406504 Reposted Reviews: * "Up on the Roof" by Solo Polyphony (outdoor sex & voyeurism) 9, 9, 9 * "My Own Private Idaho" by Wadsworth (threesome) 10, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=275949510 * "Fun With June" by Bigtunaman (oral sex) 8, 7, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359556431 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359556433 "Up on the Roof" by Sventek (sventek@jps.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359406512 This is the first story I have reviewed by this author, and it is a very good one. It graphically describes a man and a woman making love on the rooftop of a large city. You have to assume that this is an apartment building - I mention this because readers from rural areas (especially Amish readers) will have trouble imagining effective lovemaking on slanted rooftops. To apartment dwellers, sex on the rooftop is the moral equivalent of a roll in the hay. I reviewed another story with this same title a couple of years ago. I'll repost the review, and maybe the author will repost the story. A minor problem with the present story was the occasional slightly inappropriate choice of words and images. For example, when a guy is caressing a girl who is braced against the little wall that surrounds the rooftop, it is really best not to refer to her orgasm as "sending her over the edge." In addition, I like chocolate and I like fine wine; but I prefer to savor my husband's body with the image of one or the other, not both in the same gulp. Finally, can a "steel erection" go into a woman's mouth and feel like a "ripe fruit"? These are not fatal errors. Indeed, they may be just a matter of preference; and they distracted me only slightly. Overall, this was a very good story. Ratings for "Up on the Roof" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "In Control" by Bluelady (bluelady16@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201368 Most people think that a poem is something that rhymes. Actually, a poem is mode of expression in which the author uses verbal imagery and interesting combinations of words to convey ideas and emotions. Unless the author is writing epic poetry, the emphasis is usually on the emotion. I think I reached a new level of maturity in my adolescent understanding of poetry when I realized that Walt Whitman's poems in "Leaves of Grass" were better examples of poetic expression than the scrawls on bathroom walls that began with, "Here I sit/ All broken hearted/...." - even though the latter rhymed and the former did not. Bluelady does a wonderful job in this and other poems of conveying the intensity of emotion. In this case, she describes a woman who is "In Control" during a lovemaking session. My one suggestion would be to change the word "plead" to something else. People in control don't plead. I might add at this point that I would have advised John Milton to omit the line about "viewing the dismal situation" from his magnum opus. Had he followed my advice, he would be famous today. Ratings for "In Control" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Would You" by LadyBear (ladybear77@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357178715 If I review one poem, I might as well review another. I don't mean to belittle the efforts of this poet - and this poem might subjectively be meaningful and significant to a particular person. However, the main problem with it is that while it is intended to express intense emotions, it comes across extremely flat. There's nothing ear-catching about the language - it has no special rhyme or rhythm or catchy sound. The imagery is not especially vivid. If this author wants to write effective poetry, she should take her idea (which is a very good one) and incorporate the major elements of effective poetry - verbal imagery and interesting combinations of words to convey ideas and emotions. I hope both this author and others who read this take this as constructive advice. Reactions to poetry are highly subjective; but there is a clear difference between this poem and the one reviewed immediately before it. Try to learn from the comparison. Or just enjoy the poetry. Ratings for "Would You" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Spy Games" by JJ (jclark100@ibm.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358682051 There were several things that drew me to this story. Mainly, I had never before reviewed a story that was listed as (MMMMMMMMMMMm/F n/c). Amy has recently graduated from the secret American-Israli (sic) intelligence academy. It was tough, but she is good at this stuff -bright and athletic with a gorgeous body - 6 feet tall, 23 years old, and long slender legs, beautiful hazel eyes, short brown hair, and small but pert breats. I'm pretty sure that a breat is one of those rakish hats that spies and interns wear when they sleep with important world leaders. Amy has yet to meet a man she couldn't bend to her will with her charm or her strength. Hence this story. Amy's first assignment, should she decide to accept it after the tape recorder burst into flames, is to get some "intel" on several state run enterprises in hostile Arab states, so that "they" could run economic espionage "ops." Amy arrives at the bar that night at 19:00, dressed in stunning business attire, including government-issue black nylons and 3-inch heals, possibly containing a secret telephone She quickly induces Omar the Villain to take her up to his room to discuss whatever might pop up. As per the American Israli (sic) Spy Instruction Manual, Amy tells Omar she has little money, but is there something else she can give him ? Overcome by her pert breat, Omar says, "Suck my cock while I think about it." Amy finds this idea "repusive," by which I think she means "recursive." This author adds authenticity through his expert grasp of Hebrew and Arabic customs. For example, he gives time in Arabic numbers. In addition, since the written Hebrew language often omits vowels, he often omits letters from his words. In addition, none of the sex in this story takes place after anyone walks more than a hundred cubits on the Sabbath. Nor does anyone living in glass houses throw stones. About halfway through the story I began to wonder about that MMMMMMMMMMMm in the title line. I began to think that perhaps it was a sound signifying approbation (with the vowels omitted, of course), rather than a designator for a gangbang. However, after several months of fucking her from behind, Omar notices a mole (on her ass, I guess), and this blows her cover. Then Omar, whose last name is variously Hasan and Haman begins to abuse Amy. For example, he fucks her ass with a carrot from a try of food - a rugby concept, I believe. For a little dude Herman (that's what my spellcheck prefers) is really full of cum (at which my spellcheck didn't even flinch!). Amy's hair gets severely disheveled when Herman's sun fucks her underwater in the bath tub. The best line in the story comes when Herman offers Amy to the other Sheiks after dinner by saying, "The desert is on me!" I guess maybe his nickname is Sandy. {I know it's bad form for me to explain my subtle humor, but the food one eats after a meal is spelled "dessert." Herman was saying that a vast arid surface was covering him.} Anyway, Amy is soon covered with a vast quantity of "sweat" and cum. Eventually she gets pregnant, is fucked in the ass while delivering the baby; and both she and her daughter remain in permanent servitude (MMMMMMMMMMMm/F n/c). I hope I haven't given away two mulch of the blot. Ratings for "Spy Games" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 3 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3 (high rating for humorous value) "Dance" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360885404 This is an extremely well written sex story, but it's not your usual of sex story. It's about a man and a woman who have AIDS and who are dying together in a hospice. It's a real tear jerker - honestly written and very emotional. If you're looking for a stroke story or for something to get you in the mood for some hot sex, you should definitely stay away from this one. However, there is more to life than fun and pleasure, and this story has the potential to make you feel good in a different way. Ratings for "Dance" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Destinies" by Kim (ghost@nym.alias.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360866726 Kim's husband takes her to a hypnotherapist for treatment of her nail-biting habit. But something unexpected happens. "Christ!" says her hubby when they get home. "You've just given me the scare of my life." Kim hasn't the faintest idea what he is talking about,. Neither did I, but she had my attention. Fortunately, the whole matter is on tape, and we can read the transcript while Kim listens to it. It seems that when Kim was under hypnosis, she "channeled" for people whose bodies she inhabited in previous lives. I didn't find the story to be exceptionally sexy, but I did find it to be quite interesting. Ratings for "Destinies" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Frozen Decadence" by Lady Id (id@slashpalace.org). Reviewed by Fiddler. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358892327 [Notes: This story (which I have not seen on the newsgroups) apparently was posted under the subject line: "NEW STORY/NEW AUTHOR." My copy, after going through Celeste's software, my mailbox's software, and my wordprocessor's software, has underlines where apostrophes and other marks should be. Your mileage may differ, but apostrophes are unlikely.] Times are tough in the former Soviet Union, especially tough for vampires. But the female narrator of this story manages to get out, meet a charming computer genius, and suck her blood. She does this surprisingly publicly. Vampirism is inherently erotic. The bite is a kiss carried to extremes, the vampire is the essence of the roue, all love affairs flirt with costing one's soul. Vampire tales on this newsgroup, however, go beyond the implicit parallels. In doing so, each one rewrites the convention in its own way. In this particular tale, blood is not a necessity of the vampire's life but a cocktail. She takes mere sips, mixed with the taste of her victim's arousal and orgasm. This is an erotic tale, more emotive than explicit, and well-written. There are a few points which suggest that English is not the author's native language, but I never find that as annoying as the "English is my only language, but it is still a foreign language," posts. "Site" is used for "sight." Ratings for "Frozen Decadence" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 10 Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 10 "Jacuzzi Sex" by D-Man (dman@onramp.net). Guest review by jubjub. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010870 Story Summary: Sex in an outdoor Jacuzzi. This is an ordinary story with fairly ordinary sex and ordinary characters. In fact, this story has really nothing to make stand out from any other story. One guy joins another guy in an apartment complex pool late at night to drink. One guy gets noisy and is shushed by the middle-aged, female complex manager. The noisy guy leaves and the manager shows up later in a bathing suit. They have sex and the next day the guy finds an invitation to show up at the office. Once there, he gets jumped by the secretary and the manager. Technically, the story was so-so. There were persistent comma errors caused by run-on sentences. The writer would have been better served by varying sentence length more. As it stands now, there is a certain monotony to the story. The characters were little more than stock but were well-drawn as such. The dialog sounded authentic but didn't seem to say much. There was no sex until later in the story. The first part drew good characterization--but the wrong ones. The main focus, at first, seemed to be on the noisy guy. Since he leaves midway through, it seems pointless. This points to some plot problems. It takes awhile for the story to get underway and there seems little punch to its dramatic points. The last scene ruined a perfectly good ending without adding anything. Again, I repeat. An ordinary story with a pedestrian style. Nothing that I could feel excited about. Ratings for "Jacuzzi Sex" Technical: 8.5 Small mistakes. Sentences are too long. Characterization and Plot: 7.5 By the book. Inappropriate characterization Appeal: 7 OK, but not anything to catch my attention "The Wild Side" by Grey Wolf (greywolf46@juno.com). Review by Nick (e-mail Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=354649327 A bored rich young wife, whose husband doesn't love her any more goes off to her country club for a break. While driving through a remote area, she crashes the car and is picked up by a gang of evil rapists. She is rescued by a mysterious hero who turns out to be a great artist, and good sex is had by all. Firstly, no need for "vanillas" to worry. No rape actually happens, so if you're after consensual romance you shouldn't be too put off by this one. I think this story started well. We get a good sense of the woman's frustration and even her feelings of inadequacy at her husbands indifference. Thereafter, I'm afraid, I found the plot a little pedestrian. It's called "The Wild Side", and presumably this is supposed to reflect a "Wild" adventure had by this woman. The hero "Cutter" you have seen in just about any Hollywood film you might have seen - Clint Eastwood perhaps. A moody, mysterious character who is, of course, very sensitive to women (his main failing here being that he makes too big a meal for her - not really "wild" enough for me!). The heroine shows her spirit by agreeing to have sex with him (in her husbands office) during an art exhibition. Again not particularly wild. This story did little for me, in the end, but that's just me. It is well enough written and it is not too gratuitous in its sexual content. Many people aren't interested in "deep" stories and if you're one of those who enjoys good middle of the road stuff this is probably for you. My own markings would be 8 for Technique, 7 for plot and character and 5 for appeal to me. Normalising for Celeste it gets: Ratings for "The Wild Side" Athena - Technique 9 Venus - Plot & Character 9 Nick - readers appeal 9 "Assmaster McStuff and the Clandestine Meeting" by Assmaster McStuff (assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com). Guest review by LeAnna. This review only means my opinion, nothing else. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348544565 This is a short, simple story about two people who meet at a department store, and arrange to get together. He arrives at her house and places various objects inside her, one by one, and asks her to identify them. The voice of the narration makes it a little hard to sift through, and the punctuation is inconsistent -- there are dozens of missing commas. There was also a few capitalization errors. This is where the technical score is low -- I feel that capitalization skills are a necessity, as well as basic punctuation. I know I don't always place my commas in the right place, but sometimes this author just doesn't place them at all. Maybe the author did that on purpose -- rules were meant to be broken, y'know; but it just didn't work for me. This is awkwardly told -- apparently, the narrator is also a psychic. There are many omniscient sentences in this story. "God, his tongue is long she thinks as she leans back into my face." This might be acceptable if this was reminiscence -- afterwards, she could have perhaps told him what she was thinking, and he could be reflecting on that. But the narration is told, blow-by-blow, in a right-in-the-moment style. This story reminds me of train tracks alongside each other, and the narration is a passenger that abruptly, without reason, jumps to the train on the sidelining track -- one thought rarely follows the other. Sometimes, when it appears that the story is non sequitur, it actually isn't, which makes it confusing at bits. This makes the story seem unreal. Sometimes this story isn't distracted, though, and when it isn't, the voice is poetic and the narration is smooth. However, when I'd start to lean back and enjoy the ride, I hit another bump. There are strong points, though, in that same poetic prose that I marveled. This review isn't to say that this is a bad story, though. It has oodles of potential, and some of the prose is certainly nice, especially in some sexual descriptions. Ratings for "The Clandestine Meeting" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 7 LeAnna (appeal to reviewer): 7.5 "Dear Diary" by Parker. Review written by A.M. McStuff, who may be reached at assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201414 >From time to time the reader of ASSM will come across a story so strong it reminds him of the effervescent bliss of well-crafted erotica. This is not such a story. Let's first dispense with the plot: two American hikers (Karen and Jennifer) become lost in the Scottish countryside, where they stumble across a sadistic matron who drugs, tortures, and sexually humiliates them -- in perpetuity. Jennifer adapts more readily to sexual servitude than Karen. The story begins promisingly enough. Parker humorously captures the stuffy locution of the upper-class mistress (or so I would imagine -- my closest brush with Scotland was my Sheena Easton record collection in 8th grade). Here is Parker's artful way of saying the victims are forced to wear dog collars: "Darcy [the butler] has put the various artifacts of Nigel's ill-fated (and, I should add, much warned against) venture into the field of dog breeding to good use." But sometimes these verbal tricks only annoy the reader. The following sentence is too precious by half: "It [a dildo forced into Karen] immediately began buzzing from within the girl's... (I really don't know the right word to use here) 'thingy.'" Please. The story follows, for its first half, the conventions of bondage literature. The girls are slowly broken, and there comes a moment when -- surprise! -- they find release and pleasure in servitude. There's nothing wrong with genre writing in capable hands, and Parker without question is literate. But "Dear Diary" takes a repellent turn in its second half. Karen, the obstreperous one, resists impalement on a large dildo. When her will gives out she noisily and messily voids her bowels in front of her mistress. As punishment she is anally raped with the handle of a feather duster. This reader's bias: I find scatological scenes wholly un-erotic. A gentleman's agreement has been violated by the writer when she includes certain scenes in a story without having made note of them in the subject header. My sense is that this sort of story is review-proof. Readers who like this sort of thing will like this sort of thing. My verdict, though: well-wrought trash. Ratings for "Dear Diary" Technical: 9 Plot/Character: 8 Appeal to Reviewer: 3 "Fun in Class" "Fun in Class" by Takeme (takame@iamit.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357059041 Ever masturbate in any of your high school classes? I know that friends of mine did manage to pull this off, so it is very much possible. This story is all fluff and talk and fun, but it explores the idea briefly. Some of the reactions of the participants could have been more colorful, but the story delivers what it should. The only glitch is that the attraction of our jill- off narrator to the boys around her is not very believable at all. Rating: 7 "Drug Induced Lust" by sventek (sventek@jps.net) Guest reviewed by Poison Ivan. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359406504 I read this story and was immediately reminded of "The Bedpost" by Michael K. Smith, which is odd, because I haven't read "The Bedpost." Which just goes to show, some stories are so powerful that you're reminded of them even when you're not quite sure what they are about. This story begins with news of Melinda's apparent suicide at the hands of a bedpost. From there, things begin to get a little creepy. Natalie, Melinda 's former friend, is bent on figuring out what Melinda was up to prior to her untimely demise. And what better way to learn what was in Melinda's head than retracing Melinda's footsteps? The sex is mostly masturbation. From the physical descriptions, I suppose you could say the masturbation is standard ASS stuff. But this is not an ordinary masturbation scene. It made my skin crawl. Sventek has written the beginning of a fine horror story. I do want to point out one of the best spell-checker gaffs I've seen in a long time. "You could tell that they had closed all the drapes in the house... which gave it an Erie feeling all on its own." Erie? As in the Great Lake? Or does he mean the city in Pennsylvania? Since the story isn't finished, it's hard to give it a final grade, but I like the way it's heading. If Sventek were to finish the story, the Venus and Poison ratings would be higher. Ratings for "Drug Induced Lust" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 7 Poison (appeal to reviewer): 8 * "Up on the Roof" by Solo Polyphony (solo.polyphony@teamhbbs.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=270899208 The man and his wife go up to the roof of the New York building. The restaurant located there has just closed, and so they sneak off to a secluded spot and engage in romantic, semi-public but still private sex. Ooops! Somebody saw them; and so they invite him to join in. The sex gets pretty hot. I enjoyed this story. Ratings for " Up on the Roof " Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "My Own Private Idaho" by Wadsworth (wadsworth5@aol.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=275949510 I'm probably missing something really obvious here - specifically, why this story has this title. I just don't get it; so if someone can tell me without making me feel really ignorant, I would appreciate it. The narrator has longed for a threesome with her boyfriend, whom she loves deeply. For her 25th birthday, he blindfolds her and takes her for a surprise to the quarters of a stud named Alex. {This sort of thing explains why you sometimes see blindfolded passengers in ordinary sedans, especially in suburbs of big cities on weekends.} The two guys go at each other first and then she reaps the benefits herself. I have always thought of threesomes as one cock in the mouth or ass and the other in the pussy. In this case, the boyfriend does the woman in the cunt while Alex does the boyfriend in the ass. I had never thought of that, but it sounds interesting. This is one of those things that I personally think is better left to the imagination - but it's an interesting fantasy. Ratings for "My Own Private Idaho" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Fun With June" by Bigtunaman (bigtunaman@hotmail.com). Guest review by BluePencil. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359556431 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359556433 Authors strive for a good opening. Properly written, an opening line sets the tone for the entire story. "Four score and Seven -", "It was the best of times -", "It was a dark and stormy night" - each phrase leads, seemingly inevitably, into the writing that follows. So when you encounter a story that starts out "Did you ever meet a woman who has 'blowjob' written all over her face?" you don't expect a gentle romance. I must congratulate Bigtunaman; his opening line accurately reflects the mood and tone of the story as a whole. No fumbling teenagers, no romantic hesitations - just a pair of raunchy adults who enjoy a purely physical relationship. June and the narrator meet, have sex, and commence an on-and-off physical relationship, seasoned with camaraderie and friendship but not a hint of romance. Of it's kind, it's a good story. The writing is competent and matches the story; the characterization, though minimal, is effective. It reminds me of _My Friends the Allens_ without the romance and plot, or one of Mike Hunt's stories without the humor. This story would be at home in the Letters column of a men's magazine; indeed, except for its greater length, it would be perfect match. What can I say? I liked it more than I expected to. There are many writers on the net who attempt deeper characterization, plotting, and prose. Very few do a better job of hitting the target they aimed for. And though I might not look very hard, I'll likely read anything else of Bigtunaman's I come across. Ratings for "Fun With June" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot and character): 7 BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----