Message-ID: <12002eli$9806082128@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Ghost Ex Machina Subject: {Kim} Destinies (FM Rom) Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <19980608211333.18970.qmail@nym.alias.net> Introduction This is an unusual story. It is quite personal in many ways, and is my usual blend of reality and fantasy. I hope you enjoy it. Kim (C)1998 all rights reserved. Special permission granted to Eli for archiving to ASSM archive. Destinies By Kim I yawned and stretched my arms, luxuriating in the pleasures of waking slowly from a deep, relaxing sleep. I finally opened my eyes and smiled. There was Sarah and my husband. They looked at me in open-mouthed astonishment. I felt great, but looking at their faces I knew something wasn't right. Perhaps I should go back a bit and explain some things first. It had started as a joke, really. One of my husband's work colleagues had mentioned something he'd read about, and they had started talking, as men do. Such innocuous beginnings. It's funny how unexpected things come from such humdrum starts. He'd told him of a local hypnotherapist. You know, the usual stuff, they claim to help you stop smoking, drinking, overeating, whatever. My husband knew I wanted to try and quit chewing my nails. I couldn't help it, I'd find myself chewing them while I read a book, chatted on the telephone, or even while I watched television. But the final straw, and the one that made us both realize I had to find a cure, was when I found myself chewing on them as he took me from behind one leisurely Sunday morning. Not much of a compliment to my husband's lovemaking, I'll admit. It was just something I did when I was distracted and my mind was on other things. I guess being screwed doggie-style is about as distracting as it gets. When he first suggested to me that I visit a hypnotist I laughed. Then I got angry when I realized he was serious. I flew into a rage and shouted and hollered then threw some things around. As usual he stood stoically through yet another of my tantrums, and waited for a lull. My rage left as quickly as it had come, but I seriously didn't want anyone messing with my head. I was flaky enough already. He held me, gently stroking my hair and whispering tenderly in my ear. Doing his usual trick of forcing me to laugh, reminding me of some of my past excesses, right back to our traumatic first meeting in the supermarket. I shivered at how fate had brought us together, how five minutes either way and we would've never met. I shuddered at the thought and closed my eyes tightly, trying to shut out the image of walking out of that supermarket on my own. We cuddled and I apologized profusely. He pointed out my profound desire to be free from this addiction and I knew he really thought I should do this. * * * Sarah's treatments were expensive, but then it was her livelihood. She asked my husband to sit behind me, out of my line of sight. I was nervous and was glad he had come with me for my first visit. She asked me to take my shoes off. I asked if this was necessary for the treatment, and she smiled and said it was only to protect her couch. I relaxed a little as I settled back into the luxurious leather upholstery. Sarah placed a new cassette tape into a recorder and pressed the record buttons. She explained that I would get the tape afterward and be able to play it back to myself later for reinforcement of the treatment. I had my doubts that I would become hypnotized at all. I'd seen the stage acts. The ludicrous antics people got up to, supposedly under the influence of hypnotism, had never particularly impressed me. When I expressed my doubts to Sarah, she laughed and told me I wasn't the first to raise such points. She explained that what she did was medical hypnotism, not the same as the stage acts at all. In fact I probably wouldn't even enter any sort of trance, I'd just feel a deep sense of tranquillity. Once there I would be much more susceptible to suggestion. She would suggest that chewing fingernails was repugnant to me, and I would never want to do it again. She explained that you couldn't make people do things they really didn't want to without massive amounts of treatment and special drugs. All you could hope for was the making of a subconscious suggestion that would be the seed from which a true desire might spring. I asked if I should close my eyes. Sarah said it didn't matter, it was up to me, but I might find it easier if I did. She began to talk in a steady monotone. "You are weightless. You are skimming across the surface of a flat sea. You are flying like Supergirl and you watch the ripples on the water as you fly over them. You... ," she droned on and on. I stopped listening and started daydreaming. I was a child again. I thought of my mother walking in from the kitchen proudly carrying a huge turkey straight from the oven and placing it on the table. My brothers and I sat in awe as my father theatrically sharpened the carving knife and waved it over the bird. I yawned and stretched my arms, luxuriating in the pleasures of waking slowly from a deep, relaxing sleep. I finally opened my eyes and smiled. There was Sarah and my husband. They looked at me in open-mouthed astonishment. I felt great, but looking at their faces I knew something wasn't right. "What's the matter you guys?" I said. Neither responded. "I'm sorry, Sarah, I must have dozed off there," I continued. Sarah took another look at my husband and closed her mouth with a snap. She fumbled with the controls of the cassette player and eventually managed to extract the cassette from it. She handed it to my husband, and he put it in his pocket. "Hey, what's the matter, you two? You're beginning to worry me. Cut it out, will ya!" I said, sitting up and swinging my legs to the floor. "Something...unexpected happened," Sarah said. "How do you feel, honey?" my husband asked. "I feel great. Relaxed and peaceful, like a great weight has been lifted from me." I looked at Sarah, who was still looking a bit concerned. "You said something happened, what did you mean?" "I'm sorry, but I've another appointment coming up very soon and I have to prepare for that. Um, I've got to check a few things and maybe talk to some colleagues of mine about this, but I will definitely want to see you again, and talk this through with you. Come back in a couple of days, after you've listened to the tape a few times, and discussed it with your husband. We can decide where to go from there." I looked over to my husband and he was nodding in agreement. He leaned down and helped me up from the couch and I stepped back into my shoes. I was puzzled and now very subdued. I felt I'd done something terrible, and they were both too embarrassed to mention it in front of me. I had felt great coming out of my sleep, but now I felt deeply troubled and insecure. It was like when I'd let my parents down as a child and they looked at me with those hurt faces of pity and disapproval. But at least then I'd known what I'd done. I thanked Sarah for the treatment and assured her I already felt confident I would be chewing my nails less from now on. She just looked at me and then at my husband. She smiled that reasuring smile medical professionals use to put patients at ease. "Let's hope so," was all she said. On the drive home we chatted idly, but I could see my husband was troubled. I knew from past experience that questioning him directly only had a fifty- fifty chance of gaining any sort of proper explanation. I figured it best to let him come to it in his own time. To explain it when he was ready to. When we got home he sat me down and pulled up a chair in front of me. He reached out and held my face in his big hands. We stared into each other's eyes. I could see his eyes darting from side to side, as if trying to see something he'd previously missed. "Christ, you've just given me the scare of my life," he said finally. His eyes started to blink rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay. I flung myself into his arms and we hugged. I hadn't the faintest idea what he was talking about, but I knew he was upset. He pulled back and took the cassette from his pocket and handed it to me. "This will explain everything," he said. I looked at the cassette. It seemed innocuous enough. Just a cassette, nothing to worry about. But with a mounting sense of foreboding I went over to the stereo. I pulled the cassette from its cover and placed it in the player. I pushed the play button. Moments later a strange voice came spilling from the speakers. * * * Sarah's voice came on, droning on about Supergirl or something. I fast- forwarded it a bit. Next Sarah was launching into a speech about the disgust chewing nails should engender, when a strange woman's voice butted in. "Where am I please, and who are you?" the voice said. There was a pause. "You are...in my office. I am Sarah, your therapist. Um...would you tell me who you think you are please?" "I'm Janet. I don't remember coming here," the voice said. Another pause. I heard some movement in the background of the tape, followed by some stage whispers from my beloved. He asked Sarah what was happening, but Sarah told him to be quiet in no uncertain terms. I smiled, I wish I could've seen his face at that moment. "Janet, please tell me more about yourself...if you don't mind, that is," asked Sarah. "Sure, my name is Janet Denby. My life is interesting, even though it hasn't turned out as I imagined it would. I miss my fiance Michael. But I'm proud of him for volunteering after Pearl Harbor. He is away in England. He's a bomber pilot," the disembodied voice said. I stopped the player and looked at my husband. I was puzzled. "What the hell...who the hell is this woman?" I demanded to know. He shrugged. "You tell me. That's you talking," he said. I suddenly needed to sit down. I felt my mind tilt slightly. It couldn't be. I know I sounded funny on tape, but that was somebody else talking. She had a different accent even. It couldn't have been me. I staggered over to a chair and sat down with a thump. Now I knew why they had been looking at me like that. Three or four times I attempted to say something, but each time I stopped myself as a new and disturbing thought entered my head. I looked at my husband. He was a picture of anguish. I could understand his concerns now. I tried to reassure him. "Honey, I swear to God, I haven't flipped out completely this time. I'm as frightened by this as you must be," I said. He rubbed his face with his hands and shut his eyes as he breathed deeply. Eventually he spoke. "Just listen to the rest of the tape, darling. It's the weirdest damn thing I've ever heard. I'll be here for you, don't let go my hand till the end, OK?" I nodded and pressed the play button again. I had to know. * * * Tape One "What year do you think this is?" Sarah asked. There was another pause. "I...I think it's 1944. Isn't it?" Janet said. Sarah ignored the question. "Where are you?" Sarah asked. "I'm...I'm not sure. You told me I was in your office. Wait...I remember. I was crossing the street...the car was coming at me so fast. You said you were my therapist. Am I here because of the accident?" Janet said. "Let's not worry about that for the time being. You say your life's interesting, why is that?" Sarah said. "I work in a factory, we make tanks. I'm really pleased with myself, I've just passed my welding tests," Janet said, with obvious pride in her voice. "Tell me about your fiance." "He's over in England at the moment, but he writes to me most every day. His letters all turn up in a bundle, about once a week. I love it when the mailman brings a big bundle all for me. I read them over and over. I write him back, long and silly love letters, but he doesn't seem to get tired of them. He tells me to keep on sending them. I hope he's safe. I do worry about him. You read all the time about pilots having to bail out over Germany and things. Please God, keep him safe." I almost switched off the tape. It seemed like I was intruding on someone else's private life, which, of course, was exactly what I was doing. It was fascinating, but at the same time very uncomfortable to listen to this voice from the past. I still didn't even want to think about the mechanism by which we had somehow tapped into all this. Janet giggled unexpectedly. "Why do you laugh?" Sarah asked. "Oh, it's private. I couldn't possibly tell you," Janet replied. "But, I'm your...therapist. You can tell me anything. In fact I want you to tell me what you are thinking," Sarah said, going into her best authoritative tone, that I recognized from her session with me. "Well, if you're sure it's OK. I was remembering our last night together, before he left for England. I wanted to give him something to remember me by. I'd never gone all the way before, but I knew Michael was going to be my husband the moment I met him. He was so frantic. Despite what he said, I don't think he'd ever done it before either. There we were, on a blanket by the creek, me with my skirt up and him with his pants down desperately trying to get it in," she giggled again. "I think he got it in once, but not very far. As soon as he touched base it was all over. I mean literally, he'd fallen out again just at the critical moment. All over my legs, my skirt, my petticoat, my prized nylons. I had to wash them myself so my mother didn't see them," Janet said, still laughing. "Did he make you pregnant?" "No, he didn't even pleasure me properly. I had to wait till I got home to satisfy myself," Janet said indignantly. I smiled to myself; nothing much changes, I thought. Sarah continued to ask Janet a series of specific questions about herself and her life. I switched off the tape. I knew what she was doing. She wanted to have enough information to be able to verify any of this. To see if I was a fake or someone suffering from multiple personality disorder. I didn't need proof. I knew we had stumbled into something that made me question some deeply held beliefs about the nature of things. And up until then, reincarnation had definitely not been one of them. * * * I sat and discussed with my husband what, if anything, we should do about this. He was keen to check out the story, to see if any of it was true. I assured him it had to be. I had no prior knowledge of any such person, up until I heard the tape. I was glad he believed me, but I knew he would, really. He was my soul mate, after all. We decided that I should return to Sarah, alone this time, and see what else might come to light under hypnosis. Sarah was naturally cautious when we met. I could tell she'd been checking out Janet and had discovered what I already knew. Janet was real all right. Sarah asked me what I wanted to do. I told her that I wanted to see who else was lurking inside my head. It all seemed to make a crazy sort of sense. It explained strange random thoughts that just come from nowhere, the massive mood swings, the continual feeling that something was missing. I was once again lying comfortably on her couch. She started her drone, but this time I tried to concentrate hard on what she was saying. Unfortunately my mind, as it so often does, made its quiet farewell and wandered off to more interesting things. I thought back to the many vivid dreams I'd had. I was surprised how it was suddenly so easy to remember them. I'd usually forgot them by the time I'd dragged myself to the bathroom in the morning, they remained forever just out of reach. But here they all were. The hideous birth one, the roaming the corridors of a huge office building in desperate need of a powder room one, the sitting in my sand pit playing with my dolls one. All of them in fluorescent Technicolor. I opened my eyes and looked at Sarah and smiled. I felt so relaxed and languorous, it was wonderful. I lazily stretched my arms and yawned. "Well, is it just me n' Janet, or am I alive with them?" I asked, smiling. Sarah leaned over and switched off the tape recorder. She flipped out the tape and handed it to me, shaking her head in wonder. When I got home my husband and I sat down to listen to the tape. * * * Tape 2 "Is that you Janet?" Sarah asked. "No, Ma'am, it ain't!" a soft voice answered. "Would you tell me who you are please, and what year it is?" Sarah said. I could hear the excitement in her voice. "My name is Jeanette Winterton. The year is, of course, 1898. Why...do you wanna know, Ma'am?" she said. She certainly sounded apprehensive, whoever she was. "I'm sorry to trouble you, I wonder if you wouldn't mind answering some questions for me," Sarah asked gently. "Yes, of course, Ma'am." "Could I ask you what you do for a living?" "I am the housekeeper for Mr Martin Pickford." "And what is your relationship with Mr Pickford?" "He is my...employer" Jeanette said, hesitantly. "You don't seem very sure." "I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea." "I want you to tell me your true relationship," Sarah said, at her most forceful. I looked at my husband and smiled, he smiled back in recognition. It was funny how Sarah was always most inquisitive when it came to a hint of sex or scandal. "I shouldn't be telling you any of this. I have been sworn to secrecy. This must never become public knowledge. Never!" "What is it you do that is so secret?" "We...we wash each other." "Wash each other?" Sarah said, sounding a little disappointed. "Please explain." "Martin sits in that big old armchair of his and I remove his shoes and socks. I kneel at his feet with my bowl of warm water, and I wash his feet. I dry them with a towel and then I...I kiss them." "I still don't see why this should be so secretive." "No, you don't understand. We take it in turns. We swap places and he removes my boots and then washes my feet. He's so tender and gentle. When he kisses my toes I sometimes think I might pass out with pleasure. We carry on this way till we are as naked as nature intended, and we are clean and kissed all over. We then hold each other and make love. "That first day, when I went for the position as his housekeeper, I looked into his eyes and I knew...I just knew." "Why don't you get married, it's obvious you both love each other very much," Sarah asked. "Are you blind? Look at the color of my skin," Jeanette said, with such pain in her voice I winced. I pressed the stop button with a deep sigh of grief, for a woman I didn't know and who lived nearly a hundred years ago. I could see that my husband was as upset as I was. "Jesus, that one came out of left field," was all he said. What next? I thought. But it was too late to go back now, I was hooked. * * * We followed our now-standard procedure. I handed over a check to Sarah and then went daydreaming till I woke up feeling relaxed and happy. She handed me the tape and we chatted some. We avoided talking about the contents of the tape, as I wanted to hear it fresh for the first time at home. I asked her if any of this was helping any with my nail chewing. She laughed. When I got home I sat down with my husband to hear who else shared my soul. Tape 3 "Would you tell me your name please," asked Sarah, in her usual brisk manner. "My name is Judith Rumsey," said the voice, in a distinctive English accent. "What year is it?" "What a strange question. It is the year of our Lord sixteen hundred, three and twenty." "Where do you live?" "Why, in New England, of course." "Tell me a little about yourself, please." "I am Many Faces' woman. He made me his, after a raid on the settlement two years ago." "What happened?" "At first the Indians had been helpful. Indeed, that first winter I arrived here, the settlement wouldn't have survived without the Indians' help. But they just didn't understand our needs, how we organized things. They didn't honor our land rights. They just wouldn't listen. The council felt obliged to teach the tribe a lesson. I tried to say my piece, but I'm only a woman, they took no notice of me. I tried to explain to the men how the Indians saw us. "Why did you care?" "I...I had no love for my husband, Peter. He was a vain, ignorant man. When I first met Many Faces I was struck by his handsome, virile features. We immediately had a connection of spirits. He spoke very good English and I asked him to teach me his words for things. Pretty soon I had developed enough to be able to talk in his language. I began to realize that his way of looking at things was better than our ways. He told me I was much more to his liking than those silly puritan women who'd settled to the south of us. Stupid people they are, denying our true nature, like that. As if their God cared about such things. I tried to explain some of the Indian's culture to Peter, and the others. His only response was to forbid me to see Many Faces anymore. He said that I was being bewitched by his low ways," Judith said, trailing off into silence. "So, how did you become Many Faces' woman?" "Things had been getting steadily worse between the natives and our settlement. A request for assistance was sent back to England to help with restoring security. A new man came to head the militia. He ordered some punitive measures to show the Indians he meant business. It was terrible to see, all the attempts at friendship so quickly destroyed. They arrested some hapless young bucks and hung them. Left them dangling from one of the great trees on the edge of town. It didn't take long for the tribe to find the bodies. There were raids and fighting all the time after that." "You were captured in a raid?" asked Sarah. "Not exactly...I went to Many Faces and told him of the war that I could see was inevitable. This is what you always get with men in charge. He asked me to stay with him. I agreed, but I said I couldn't leave without telling Peter. Stupid thought, I should have know better." "He didn't like it?" "He chained me to a wall. Placed a shackle on my ankle and thrashed me. Me, his own wife, chained up like a dog. I hated him then. Before it had only been pity, but after that I wished him dead, for what he did to me." "Many Faces came looking for you?" "Yes, when I didn't return he guessed what must have happened. That evening four braves came through the windows as quietly as ghosts. Many Faces saw me shackled like an animal and he became very angry. It took all four of them to break the links that held me. I thought it would all end peacefully but Peter returned home early. I begged Many Faces to spare Peter's life, but Peter suddenly pulled his pistol from under his cloak and fired at us. We scattered as he came at us flailing his pistol like a cudgel. Many Faces leapt forward, and with only one blow it was over." "Only one?" "Well, it was with his tomahawk," Judith said. I could hear the smile in her voice. "You left the settlement to go with the Indians?" "Yes, it was the happiest time of my life. We traveled everyday, we roamed as the mood took us. I was so relieved to be free of all those stupid clothes. To wear the simple deerskin dress of my adoptive tribe was so...liberating. I can't tell you how happy I was." "How was your new life as Many Faces' wife?" "That first night, when we'd escaped from all that I had ever known, my upbringing, my religion, my life, I felt I was starting out on my own journey into adventure. He walked me up onto a hill top and we looked down at the valley below. The moon was full, and it was still warm. The stars twinkled in the night sky. It was magical. He led me to a silent pool. He took his clothes off and stood there in the moonlight, proud and totally unconcerned about his nakedness. I took all my clothes off too. I'd never dreamt I could do such a thing, but it just seemed so right. He took my hand and we walked into the water to our waists. He held me and we kissed properly for the first time. He told me of the spirits of the sky and the water and how we were to become a part of them." "Did you make love?" "We moved to the bank and he laid me down on the soft grass. I lifted my legs and pulled him to me. I had never felt such loving harmony with a man. He entered me and I closed my eyes in rapture. He kissed me on my neck and shoulders as he slowly stroked into me. I squeezed him with my nether muscles as he worked me, something I'd never done before. We made love like that for so long that my legs began to ache from being held apart. I urged him to speed up and bring us to a conclusion. I realized I was still speaking English, so I urged him in his own language. He looked down at me and smiled. He sped up, and a few moments later I convulsed in my first ever state of ecstasy when lying with a man. I had only known such pleasure previously from my own hand. He took me, in one night, from a frozen Englishwoman to a sensual being, capable of knowing the true meaning of love. I owed him my freedom. I owed him everything." "Did you have any children?" "Of course. I bore him two children, a boy and a girl, over the next three years. I thought we would all live forever in paradise." "What happened?" "The English spread like a plague. We tried to keep away from them, but there were too many of the other tribes willing to settle old scores. The Iroquois took the opportunity to form an alliance with the English. They squeezed our lands from both sides and we seemed to be forever running or fighting. Our tribe, the Narragansetts, slowly vanished from the land, as if we had never been. "How did you escape?" "We didn't. Eventually we were caught by an Iroquois war party. Our children were taken from us, and I have not seen them since. I was held for trading with the English, and my proud, beautiful warrior was put to death. Before he died he held his arms high to the Great Spirit and proclaimed his love for me. He swore, before all, that our destinies would be forever bound and that one day we would walk the land together again, as man and wife. I couldn't watch the final blow as they led me away, it was too painful. I grieved for my family and my tribe. They gave me back to the English, they didn't care that I would be shunned as much as a true Indian," Judith trailed away into silence again. I stopped the tape. So now I knew the why, if not the how of it. It seemed the Great Spirit had listened to Many Faces' declaration and had been watching over us. My husband stood up from his seat and pulled me up to meet him. We held each other for ten minutes without saying a word. Our eyes were moist with barely contained tears. "I knew the moment I met you we were meant for each other," he said gently. "This explains so many things." I shook my head "No words." I took his hand and led him to the bedroom. It had become so clear to me. I picked up my contraceptive pills from the night stand and looked up into my husband's eyes. He nodded and I threw them in the trash. I was finally ready to have children. Destiny had decreed who my life-long partner would be. The End. I would like to thank DG, and Delta for their generous help with proofreading. If there is any more errors, it is almost certainly due to any post-proof alterations I made. I would also like to thank all the people who read it and provided invaluable feedback. There are too many to list unfortunately. This work can not be used for any commercial venture, and any non-commercial venture must ask my permission first before use. If you feel the urge to write me then do so to ghost@nym.alias.net I will endeavor to answer all email. My previous stories can be read at http://www.io.com/~thebear/kimidx.htm thanks to my very generous good friend The Bear. Thank you for taking the time to read my stories. Finally, a huge thank you to my husband for enduring the trials and tribulations of having a wife with such an odd hobby. By the way, before I get any strange emails, the answer is no I do *not* believe in reincarnation. Kim June 1998 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----