Message-ID: <11046eli$9805091554@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Celeste801 Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 281 - May 8 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <37fb8268.3553c99f@aol.com> Celestial Reviews 281 - May 8, 1998 Note: Faster Than Contest: I know this is really gauche, but so far MY entries are the best. Kim has also submitted a few good ones: Faster than a speeding bullet... nah, too clicheed. Faster than a speeding train... nah, too obvious. Faster than a speeding snail... nah, too surreal. Faster than a speeding upper... nah, too clever. Faster than a speeding ticket... nah, too silly. Faster than a speeding ahead... nah, don't make sense. Faster than a speeding gone czar less... hmmmm, bit weird. Faster than a speeding thing that's really fast... nah, too prosaic. Faster than a speeding reviewer when confronted by her victims... maybe. Faster than a speeding carrot shot out of Taria... yeah, like that. About as fast as my brain, first thing in the morning... true, but not funny. About as fast as Eli's recent moderation... too bitchy. About as fast as a guy offers to massage your feet after shopping all day... too dull. About as fast as a guy deciding he's bored now that he's come... nothing new. About as fast as I think of another better one after I've sent these off. Faster than a speeding cumshot, Sandman chimed in with these: Faster than a tachyon. And for those of you who aren't science buffs -- tachyon (tàk´ê-òn´) noun A hypothetical subatomic particle that travels faster than the speed of light. - tach´yon´ic adjective If ya *REALLY* wanna go in for overkill try: Faster than a tachyon on steroids. :-) -- Sandman {Making a fool of himself faster than he can prematurely ejaculate -- which has never happened BTW, at least not recently... to me.} I am tempted to use the tachyon on steroids in my HS English class, but I wouldn't know how to react when the students started to smirk, because they might realize that I must read a.s.s. I think instead I'll just wait and see how many of my students use this one. But listen, this is alt.SEX.stories! Can't we work some sex into these metaphors? My own entries are Faster than an adolescent's first cumshot on prom night. About as fast as I told him to stop nibbling my clit. {meaning real slow} Faster than the orgasms of Young Innocent Girls Being Forced To Have Sex with Naughty Nekid Cheerleaders Who Want to Be Fucked in front of my Brand New Spy Camera! Faster than you can CUM FUCK MY ASS!!!!!! Faster than sailors make the sign of the eight-legged aardvark in a whorehouse on payday. Faster than spam on the Internet. {OK, so not all my ideas are perverted.} Come on! Think dirty. Some of these suggestions have been about as focused as a fart in a windstorm and as lively as a necrophiliac's partner. - - Aha, things are picking up: Godiva posted these on a.s.s.d.: 1) "Faster than an Evelyn Woods graduate searching for the naughty bits." 2) "Faster than a Skinhead representative at the Million Man March." 3) "Faster than a condemned mass murderer discovering Jesus." 4) "Faster than the wilting woody on a homophobe who's just discovered he's bedded a Drag Queen." 5) "As fast as the line-up for oral sex from the world's champion female yodeller." and LadyBear added: Faster than ..."Faster, faster! Don't stop! Oh YES FASTER!" - - Now we're talking: E.Z. Riter (who is obviously from Georgia) added these: Faster than a duck hopping on a June bug. Faster than slipping on greased owl shit. Faster than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest. Faster than Lottie drops her drawers. Faster than a one armed paper hanger in a high wind. Faster than a Clinton denial. Faster than Matt's pistol firing (do I need to explain that one). Faster than Baptists (Catholics, whatever) leaving after the sermon. Faster then the U.S. Mail Faster than a U.S. male Faster than a undertaker at a two dollar funeral. - - Watcher (who is slicker than snot on a penis) added these: Faster than teen age sex. Faster than Slick Willy's zipper. Faster than a "Oh, God, it's my husband!" exit. Faster than a desperate woman. Faster than a guy jumps out of bed afterwards. Faster than a speed reader. - - Without actually entering the Contest, Daphne noted that the composer Robert Schumann wrote at the beginning of one of his compositions: "To be played as fast as possible." A few measures later, he wrote: "Faster." Second note: Last week I published a review of a story about a priest getting horny while listening to a penitent confess her sins. I asked whether anyone knew much about how priests handled confessions of sexual sins. One correspondent responded with this story: When our nun was teaching us to confess, she told us that if we couldn't think of any sins to confess, that itself was a sin of pride. We could always confess to being disrespectful to our parents, lying, fighting with our siblings, and other sundry deeds, since any normal person did these things anyway. She did not specify why these things were sins if they were normal. She said we should always have 10 sins to confess. We used to exchange sins at recess. One of the best I ever heard was from a kid who shared a double bed with his brother. He brought it up when we were confessing sexual sins - apparently because he thought sex was dirty and this was certainly dirty. He confessed that he farted in bed and then pulled the sheets up over his little brother's head. Third note: I have been too busy lately. I have delayed this issue until May 8, thinking that if I took an extra couple of days, I could put it together right. I am also planning the next two issues to be Monday May 11 and Sat May 16. I'll probably review just as many stories, just in three issues instead of four. The result is that I'll skip one issue, but this strategy should get me back on track. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "The Cabin" by Patrick Donovan (cybersex becomes real sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206402425 "Raping the Babysitter" by Unknown Author (adolescent rape) 6, 1, 1 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521768 "Taxi Tales: Lost Fares" by Delta (relationships) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420527 "My Favorite Restaurant" by Pinky (mind control) 9, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939565 "Phone Sex" by Taria (phone sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939603 "Camping" by Losgud (outdoor incest) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939576 "Friendship" by Sven the Elder (older woman & younger man) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349946948 "The Friendship Clause" by Brother Cadfael (sex between friends) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816953 (1) Guest Reviews: "Bloodlust" by KMB (mind control) 9, 7, 4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350832445 01 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350832442 02 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350846180 03 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350872316 04 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347784151 05 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348016197 06 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348544560 07 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348682662 08 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349025269 09 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939554 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349943418 11 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349785102 12 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420508 13 "Guns" by Spoonbender (humorous sci-fi sex) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420671 "Easter Tears" by Crimson Dragon (ff relationship & atmosphere) 9.7, 9, 9.8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816923 "Suellen's Wedding" by E. Z. Riter (slut sex) 2 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939620 "Old Friends" by Oscar Paco (foursome) 7, 7, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816978 "Shields" by Spoonbender (update of old review) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343623343 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822335 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822344 "Georgetta: The Bet" by Dolphin (tender bondage) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420533 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420541 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420546 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420554 "French Cuisine" by Rock Hancock (oral humor) 5, 5, 4 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521826 "The Professor's Wife" By BillyG (academic blow job) 10, 10, 10+ http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350503279 "The Friendship Clause" by Brother Cadfael (sex between friends) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816953 (1) "Control (Out of)" by Kevin Kangas (sex on the beach) 8, 7, 8 {Not Yet Archived} Reposted Reviews: * "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (romance & hot sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=194540607 * "Fresh Air and Exercise" by Mark Aster (sex in the great outdoors) 10, 8, 8 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939642 * "Cobbler's Bench" by Dafney Dewitt (Truth or Dare) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=190341672 (1) * = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been reposted) (1) = Link to story not posted by original author. ======================== On this day in Celestial History.. Celestial Reviews #82 - May 8 1996 ======================== * "Among Friends" by Mark Aster (dream orgy) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=197879460 ======================== "Cabin" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206402425 Lee Ann and Patrick met in a chat area on the Internet. Lee Ann has been infatuated with another person (named Tim) on the Internet, but she's afraid to meet with him because she's still a virgin. She discusses the matter with the more worldly Patrick, who offers to meet with her at a cabin in New York. Do you know where this is going? Do you think there really is or ever was a Tim? Well, I'm certainly not going to tell you anything more than that this is a very nice little love story. Ratings for "Cabin" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Raping the Babysitter" by Unknown Author (posted by The RapeMaster Rapeher@your-house.com>). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521768 This story was posted by the same person who posted "Ode to Rape," which I reviewed in the last issue of CR. In this case, the poster states that he did not write the story, and I surmise that it is unlikely that he wrote the previous pitiful poem either. This gentleman appears to be an officer in The Rape Club - "An Instrument committed to giving a woman what she is too afraid to admit she NEEDS!!!" This story contains a large proportion of correctly spelled words and some correct grammar. Other than that, you can surmise the action from its title and its source. I suspect there are men in the world that believe this shit is realistic. Ratings for "Raping the Babysitter" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 1 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1 "Taxi Tales: Lost Fares" by Delta (delta@nym.alias.net). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420527 One of the things I like best about a sex story is the feeling that I know the people before they start copulating. That's also one of the main characteristics of Delta's stories. In this case we have a man who is a genuinely nice guy who drives a taxi. A "lost fare" can refer either to a person who bums a ride for free by not having the money to pay the fare or to a person who stops riding a cab because she wants to stop being around the cab driver. In this case we have one of each, but then none of either. First our hero counsels a teenage hooker to go home to her parents. Not only does he not collect a fare; he also pays for her train ride and gives her some money. Sucker! Then he has sex with his favorite customer at a time when she is distressed, fully aware that she'll wake up the next day and have to avoid even making eye contact with him anymore. Too bad! Not!! Ratings for "Taxi Tales: Lost Fares" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "My Favorite Restaurant" by Pinky (goldcort@ix.netcom.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939565 This restaurant - called Tooties - sounds a lot like Hooters, although I have never been to that establishment, of course. One day the author is walking past the establishment, assiduously avoiding the place but casually glancing inside, when an innocent yet provocative waitress invites him to enter. Before we know it, the waitresses are conspiring to put on a show for him. He doesn't really eat much - just observes and makes mental notes about waitresses with names like Candy and Desiree. Eventually they invite him to a special table in the kitchen area, where he is subjected to a form of subliminal advertising: "You like what you see. You like how you feel. You like to feel good at Tooties." He eventually leaves with a smile on his face, holding a bag labeled "Good Doggie." I think this sort of thing is illegal - the subliminal advertising, that is. However, this is a very cute little story. Ratings for "My Favorite Restaurant" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Phone Sex" by Taria (tariat@hotmail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939603 Taria and Janey (the eponymous heroine of several recent stories) are talking on the phone. They briefly discuss the theory that that men are attracted to women's breasts because the cleavage looks like a backside. Personally, I think it's equally likely that men are attracted to women's backsides because they look like women's breasts. Or none of the above or both of the above. This would be an ambiguous multiple choice question, wouldn't it? Next we have a derogatory analysis of tit-fucking. Derogatory but stimulating. Finally, Janey and Taria get serious and have sex with each other with ice cream and all kinds of goodies. It's a hot story - hot enough to melt the ice cream at least. Ratings for "Phone Sex" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Camping" by Losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939576 The narrator is a writer or editor for an architecture magazine. He has got himself trapped into going on a camping trip with his younger adult sister. The ambiance is very nice. I found the relationship between the siblings before the sex to be a bit irritating, but it was also realistic. The camping trip is realistic - complete with rain and trail mix and all kinds of underwear. Eventually the narrator develops a new kind of relationship with his sister. The sex is quite nice! Ratings for "Camping" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Friendship" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349946948 The narrator experiences some serious destruction to his house as a result of a storm. The neighbor lady invites him into her house and then into herself. In spite of their age difference they have a very nice go at it. I don't know what faffing is. It must be something the British do. It's nice to have someone around in time of need. Sorry about the brevity of this review, but I want to recommend this story in this issue of CR. It's another excellent story. Ratings for "Friendship" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "The Friendship Clause" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816953 (1) I think this is the best story I have ever reviewed by this author. The guy and the girl are "just friends"; and they want to keep it that way, because (as you well know) once people become lovers, they stop being friends. They really love each other and don't want to jeopardize that relationship by doing anything foolish. In short, they have a "friendship clause" in their relationship. They play around for a while; and then during a power outage they decide that they might as well fuck the friendship clause. And so they do. This is another simple but excellent story. Ratings for "The Friendship Clause" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Bloodlust" by KMB (KMB_76@yahoo.com). Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). In attempting to review "Bloodlust," it helps to type the story. It's guise as a modern day vampire story notwithstanding, it's really a mind control (MC), non-consensual (NC) horror story that has almost nothing to do with anything remotely sexy. There are intermittent sex scenes here and there - brief, violent, episodes of rape - that are made less disturbing by the stereotypical technique of MC stories. The evil guy, a pathologically disturbed vampire, simply looks at his victims and they succumb to his desires. That's it. After his ritual rape and blood draining, they - his victims, good-looking women of course - later arise from their death to be his slaves. His small army of vampire slaves becomes too big to know without a program. Indeed, the story labors with too many characters, few, save the vampire, who emerge as identifiable people. More believable and likable are a cast of characters that comprise the police who, blood-drained dead bodes aside, don't have a clue. One suspects the police will either stumble into the case or, more likely, be pulled in. One of the problems I had with this story is that it takes a long time for anything much to happen. Actually, this isn't a story, it's a short book at - 300K bytes and 163 pages, but unfortunately, not the type of tale that pulls you along. While there's a clear-cut villain, there's no concomitant identifiable hero, at least in the first half of the novella. The vampire's MO is overworked. He's evil and arrogant and impossibly strong. We're left with the suspicion that the "good guys" will probably win, but only through blind luck. They'll muddle their way through to some stunted partial victory. For the NC, MC, violence-loving fans, this may work. For the vampire fans, this is no Anne Rice story. Mostly, it becomes tedious. Ratings for "Bloodlust" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 (Too many characters) BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4 (Might have done better in alt.horror.) Review of "Guns {the sequel to Shields}" by Theodore@Spoonbender.demon.co.uk (Spoonbender). This review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420671 Well, here's a thing, a comedy SciFi sex story sequel. Boy, that just flows of the tongue, doesn't it . The author suggests you read the prequel first. A pretty sensible idea you might think, which alas, due to severe time restraints, I'm unable to accommodate. So you'll just have to accept that I'm coming fresh to this, like many of the readers will be I imagine. I did at least read Sandman's review of it, so I do have an idea of its content. This is a short story set in a classroom of the Quageelers, a race of multi- eyed, multi-tentacled beings, who are learning about the downfall of the human race, by watching an old video they'd recovered from a presumably deserted Earth, sometime after Earth's decisive victory over the dreaded large and paradoxical Morgans of the first story. It seems Earth secured a victory over the Morgans by some unique applications of bio-weaponry and defense systems incorporating vital human reproductive and lubrication fluids. Unfortunately, in the rush to refine the systems, a major problem was encountered that led to humanity's downfall. Now, is this a thinly disguised anti-gun polemic? Or is this an even more thinly disguised anti-virtual sex tirade? Nah, it's one long joke, is all . And a pretty good one too. Very well written, short, and to the point. Utter nonsense, of course, but hugely enjoyable utter nonsense all the same. Calling the teacher, in all sincerity, a "Jewel of the Firmament" indeed! Ratings for "Guns" Athena (technical quality): 10 (nothing wrong I could see) Venus (plot & character): 9 (silly, but fun) Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (comedy's a subjective thing) "Easter Tears" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by jubjub. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816923 Story Summary: Third in a series about an on-going relationship between two girls. Wow. This is a very good story. The best that I've reviewed so far. The style and atmosphere are vivid and sensual. The sex is hot and the plot (taken over the whole series) is compelling. All in all, a story I would highly recommend--but you must read the first two stories first ("Harvest Moon" and "Christmas Present"). A word about my ratings. A 9 represents near perfection. After that, harder I have to look to find room for improvement, the closer the rating will be to a10. One further point: I consider style to be a component of technique. So even if a story has few or no grammar or spelling errors, I might still mark down for stylistic problems. I make this point because I had problems with the way the writer wrote dialog. The quotes are rarely directly attributed. This made it more difficult to follow who was speaking and tended to make the characterization harder to follow. I had more problems with the characterization. The author wrote from third- person omniscient. If the characters are not distinctly drawn, it is possible to confuse them. In this case, it took a couple of times through the story before I figured out exactly the relationship between the two girls. This despite the fact that I have read the previous stories in this series. Of course, I didn't mind reading this story several times. It is a masterpiece of atmosphere. Don't read this story until you've read the first two parts. The relationship reaches a crisis point in this story and the information in the earlier parts make this story much easier to understand. I am definitely looking forward to what I assume to be the last part of the story. Ratings for "Easter Tears" Technical: 9.7 Dialogue should be made clearer Characterization and Plot: 9 Characters were difficult to tell apart Appeal: 9.8 Lost it a bit due to character confusion "Suellen's Wedding" by E. Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939620 There are not many sex stories that qualify as intellectually stimulating, life-changing experiences. There are few, in turn, that qualify as brain- corrosive drivel. But sometimes stories do manage to plumb the depths of Jerry Springer-inspired alternative reality. This text is a plain old jerk-off story of the slutty trailer park trash variety. And not a terribly good one at that. The setup isn't too bad, if unoriginal. The "shocking" cascade of events leading Suellen from virginal bride to slut are just too slapped together to click. Rating: 2 "Old Friends" by Oscar Paco (OscarPaco@aol.com). Guest reviewed by Poison Ivan. http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816978 This is the story of Nicolas and Jacala and James and the 36C-28-35 narrator. I'm not sure what the narrator's name is, but I do know her breasts are her best feature. These four old college buddies get together every year to party and dance and have a good time. Nicolas, who is Jacala's husband, wasn't much to look at when they were all in college. But this year ... wow! What a transformation! A few extra pounds, longer hair, a stylish earring, a new goatee--Nicolas had become quite a hunk! By the time the foursome had danced all night, 36C-28-35 was practically creaming her panties! But no marriage vows were broken that night. The couples paired off, husband with wife. James and 36C-28-35 returned to their hotel room for a nice, boisterous fuck, while Jacala and Nicolas tried to sleep in the next room. It turned out Nicolas wasn't very sleepy, though. 36C-28-35 saw him standing in the bathroom door, peeking and jerking off. Needless to say, the idea of performing for an appreciative audience had 36C-28-35 popping off a couple explosive orgasms. The next morning, 36C-28-35 woke up to find her husband and Jacala gone to breakfast. She was naked. She was horny. She was alone with Nicolas. Hmm. I wonder what happens next? This story has its share of silly parts. There are quite a few extraneous details, and more than a handful of sex story cliches. The grammar and spelling are, at times, pretty bad. But other parts of this story are very well done. In fact, I thought the final sex scene had some excellent passages. Oscar Paco has some talent. I would encourage him to write more. I would also encourage him to find someone to proof his stories before he posts them. If he cleaned it up some, he could have a pretty good story here. Ratings for "Old Friends" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 7 Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Shields" by Spoonbender (Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343623343 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822335 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822344 This is an addendum to an earlier review. In the previous review of Shields I marked Athena as a nine, and was subsequently informed that "colour" and "flavour" are not the only words the English spell differently than their American counterparts. My view of the world vastly expanded, I take this opportunity to revisit my scores and award Spoonbender the triple tens he so rightly deserves. Revised ratings for "Shields" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Georgetta: The Bet" by Dolphin (dolphin31p@hotmail.com). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420533 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420541 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420546 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420554 Three CRs ago in CR#278 I reviewed a BDSM story, a bit unfavorably. This story is three times the size of the last one and has basically the same theme: woman looses bet, man gets to play God for a while. Both men dress their women very elaborately. In this story, Georgetta is dressed like a "Motorcycle slut from LA". Both women are ordered to have a dildo stuffed up their pussy. The last story was reviewed unfavorably, this story is going to get a very good recommendation. So what's the difference you ask? Character and respect. Where the previous BDSM story failed in my opinion was that the woman was one-dimensional - she existed, nothing more. In this story, Georgetta is vividly real with feelings, emotions, and desires that don't always coincide with her lover's. "The Bet" is also about respect, trust, and love. No one's needs are ignored, feelings are respected, and above everything else this couple had a lot of fun and I enjoyed reading about it. The author goes to a lot of trouble to make Georgetta AND the reader anticipate the sex which is to come. For the most part it was highly effective. The first twenty-three pages of this thirty-three page story (from an Agent printout) are devoted to titillating and tantalizing both the reader and Georgetta. And the finale pretty much lives up to all that buildup. After so much sexy buildup, the finale coulda simply said "then he fucked her" and that would probably be enough to throw the reader over the edge. Oh there are a few cliches and assumptions like a woman when undressing will immediately become as preoccupied with her breasts as a man would be (if it's not a Celestial assumption, it should be). Then there is the generous tolerance for the woman's multiple orgasms and a very short refractory time for Chris. But hey - this is a stroke/trash/call the SO and get yer rocks off story so I'm not going to knock off any points here. There are also a few glitches in Athena but given the size of the story a few allowances can be made here as well. All in all, this is a most excellent story that serves as a wonderful introduction to the joys of Bondage and it was very much enjoyed. If sex with my future Mrs. ever borders on the mundane I think I'll revisit this story to see how to put a little life back in the relationship. Ratings for "Georgetta: The Bet" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 "French Cuisine" by Rock Hancock (posted by Ed Shafer ). Guest review by R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521826 This is a story of boy picks up girl at airport then girl blows guy in a public place. We open with Walter waiting patiently for his wife, Sheila to come in from wherever she had been. While he's waiting, he's thinking some pretty interesting thoughts where his wife is concerned, leaving him with a hard problem. Eventually Walter and Sheila wind up in some French restaurant where Sheila chooses to dine on her husband under the table, must to the utter confusion of the waiter and customers in the area. Classic, getting your rocks off in a public place stuff. Even though the story is funny, it lacks a certain... something. The author fails to convey the pure naughty thrill of making out in a public place. Nevertheless, this story is fairly well written Ratings for "French Cuisine" R'khaan (technical quality): 5 R'khaan (plot & character): 3 R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):3 "The Professor's Wife" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350503279 I always thought it was harder to pan a story than proclaim how wonderful it is, but "The Professor's Wife" posed a bit of a dilemma for me. You see "The Professor's Wife" was so wonderful I was able to internalize the story on so many different levels that it's hard to decide how to focus the review. "The Professor's Wife" is about Bill, an up-and-coming college professor and his assistant, Judy. The first few pages talk about campus life and provide some buildup for Bill's character. Bill goes into great detail about the pretty college girls sunning themselves on the University lawn. So there's one level. BillyG's descriptions were so vivid they evoked very fond memories of my own college days and I'll be damned if I didn't admire the pretty college girls sunning themselves on the University lawn as well. Next we come up to the buildup for Judy's character. Now Judy is fairly tall with petite tits and very nice legs who just happens to have a husband named Bob. You see this is really a "Janey" story -- Billy just changed her name to Judy so we wouldn't get suspicious. Even if this wasn't BillyG's intention, this story fits so well within Janey's world that I would not have been surprised in the least if Janey herself had not collaborated on the story. So there we have the second level. Janey's my favorite fantasy babe and this story more than lived up to my high expectations of a Janey story. Bill and Judy flirt outrageously with each other and Judy goes out of her way to give Bill some pretty good views of her anatomy. Which recalled a time when I knew a woman who was a bit more forward than Judy and about whom I won't go into too much detail about -- after all this is a review not a sex story. Eventually Judy treats Bill to a world class blow job and THANKS him for letting her do it saying how "feminine" it made her feel (Is this the most perfect woman or WHAT?). Now I've never had a woman thank me for letting her give me a blow job (letting? Try begging, prodding, cajoling, and blackmailing), but the story does indeed manage to recall similar experiences. So you'll see I'm a bit biased when I say this is quite possibly one of the best stories I've ever read. Period. There was not a page in this story that I could not relate somehow to my RL experiences or my fantasies. While that may make for a biased review I'd hasten to add that the quality of the writing and the fantastic storytelling are more than enough to satisfy those who have not been nearly as lucky as I. If you can't relate the events to your experiences then BillyG will let you live them vicariously through his writing. "The Professor's Wife" is vivid, wonderful, flirtatious, voyeuristic, real, tangible, tender, and so many other adjectives that you're just going to have to read the story for yourself. It's worth it. I promise. The plus (+) sign next to the appeal score indicates the story has been placed in my own personal archive. Ratings for "The Professor's Wife" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10+ "Control (Out of)" by Kevin Kangas (miraco12@aol.com). Reviewed by Fiddler. Mick is removed from being a beach bum by a thick bank account. Kristina (Kris) is a beauty who moves in across the street from him. He invites her out for dinner, and they find that they have a great deal in common. On the beach later that night, they develop even more in common. The sex scene is nicely written. The author tried to wrap it in some emotional commitment, at least on the part of the man. But not knowing why he was so despairing in the first place, his recovery from that despair in the arms of a woman doesn't affect us as much as it could. Another paragraph or two motivating his weltshmertz would have helped. So would some reasons for Kris's reciprocating his interest. Kris is somewhat the intellectual's dream-woman. She is beautiful and interested in what interests Mick and interested in Mick, nicer--but no more believable--than those sex-crazed cheerleaders who populate the lower reaches of stroke- fiction. All in all, this was a competent story just missing top quality. Ratings for "Control (out of)" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 7 Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 8 "Friendship" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk). http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349946948 {Note: Inadvertantly, I both reviewed this story myself and sent it to a guest reviewer. So you get a bonus review this week!} "Friendship Clause" is a very brief story, almost a short-short. It tells, in first-person, of a young man, his female best friend, and a couple of times they dared to see if their friendship could last a closer relationship. I liked this story. It has considerable believability and a certain gentle charm. Ultimately, unfortunately, it left me feeling a trifle unsatisfied. I don't mean the sex; that's so brief it didn't even get me started. It is, I think, the relating of the relationship itself. This story is so short that you just get into the couple's heads, just start understanding and connecting with them, and it's over. Maybe I'm greedy, but I wanted more. And that is both my compliment and criticism. Brother Cadfael (not to be confused with the 11th Century detective of the same name) has created a couple I'd definately like to know more of. He has the talent; it's just a shame he didn't take the time or energy to flesh them, and their relationship, out a bit more. There are about three typos that, when he redoes this story, I'm sure he'll find and remove. They won't get in your way reading it. Ratings for "Friendship Clause" Athena (technical): 8 Aphrodite (sensual): 6 Apollo (personal): 9 * "Among Friends" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). "Warm naked female skin presses against my palms in the darkness. She kisses me again, and her breasts are smooth and soft and tender against my chest. I wonder who she is?" Earlier that evening Our Hero had been with the two beautiful Allen sisters and two of their female friends. The two friends were obviously in love with each other, and the lustful ambiance caused Our Horny Hero to slip away with Pat for some private passion. After he and Pat have punched each other's tickets and have fallen asleep, Our Hero is vaguely awakened by the naked presence of a person who makes tender love to him. As he drifts back to sleep, he imagines who she might have been. Actually, he could figure it out by waking up completely and thinking logically. But the images are all so sweet that he hates to give any of them up. It could have been Julie rising quietly from the other side of the bed and making love to him in the darkness, struggling to suppress her usual orgasmic screams. It could have been Rachel creeping from Ariana's side and coming down the stairs, coming to him and giving herself to him for old times' sake. Or, most erotic of all because most unfamiliar, it could have been red-haired Ariana impaled on his cock, her small breasts bouncing as she rode him to orgasm and he pulled her pale stiff nipples. Sleep overtakes him, and he falls happily into the arms of his unknown assailant, and Julie and Rachel and Ariana swirl naked around him in his mind, their eyes happy and their bodies flushed with sex. In his dreams Pat stands behind them all and runs her hands down over the curves of her body, and he quietly fucks them all in his flights of fancy until morning. I'd really like to know if guys find this story as erotic as I did! Ratings for "Among Friends" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com). This is a vivid description of the narrator making love to Alicia in a beautiful cove by the ocean on a moonlit night. It is an extremely well-written story; and I recommend it strongly. I had never thought of using warm cinnamon oil in the manner described in this story. What I would like to know is whether that liquid when heated and rubbed gently into the appropriate aperture really does serve as an effective lubricant for anal intercourse. Ratings for "Cinnamon" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Cobbler's Bench" by Dafney Dewitt. The four female friends have gathered and Jackie's house to play Truth or Dare. It will be a night for telling stories. The rules of the game are simple. Each of the women will try to tell the scariest, sexiest story that she can. The others have to guess if the story is True or just a Daring Lie. Whoever tells the scariest, sexiest story that is believed to be true will win. The only other rule is that there are no other rules. Everything is fair game. The winner can do anything to win. The other important element of the story is that Jackie tells her friends that her daughter's pet ferret has escaped. Of course, ferrets like to burrow into very small dark holes. If you pull on their tails, they may bite. Many pet owners have had their fingers bitten to the bone and nearly amputated. The Japanese are reputed to have used ferrets to torture prisoners. I wonder what role the ferret will play in this story! This was a thoroughly enjoyable story! Ratings for "The Cobbler's Bench" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Fresh Air and Exercise" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Some readers have commented to me that they are impressed that I can turn out two lengthy sets of reviews each week. Actually, my job is not all that hard - as long as I can find the time to read the stories. Good stories trigger a reaction in me that makes it easy for me to say something interesting. As I have grown accustomed to the job, I have let more of myself flow into my reviews; and I think readers enjoy this. And even bad stories trigger a reaction of some sort. So my main burden is meeting a deadline. The people that really impress me are the authors who come up with really creative ideas. Up to a month ago, for example, I had never heard of Mark Aster. Then one day he sent me a story, which (as I recall) I rated a "5." Since then I have received more stories at the rate of 2 to 4 a week. I realize that he's working from a bit of a backlog - but my question is, where does he get all these creative ideas? Maybe people who can do this just have a hot sex life - or fantasize a lot while they masturbate. The last time I left Our Hero and the Allen Sisters, they had just crashed after a bad drug trip accompanied by some grotesque sex. Here they clean it all out of their system with some good clean rapture in the great outdoors. If you've never read one of this author's stories before, you'll perhaps be more impressed than I was with this one. This is by no means a bad story; it's clearly written, but there's really little plot to it - just two sexy young ladies and a healthy stud fucking their brains out during a camping trip. Ratings for "Fresh Air and Exercise" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- +----------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `--------------+ | | | | Archive site +----------------------+--------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | ----