Message-ID: <10919eli$9805061340@qz.little-neck.ny.us> From: "trixie" Subject: First try: critisism needed Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <01bd785d$b58dc260$866aa1cf@crnqusvf> This is my first posting here (in the form of a story, that is) and i'd just like some feed-back on it. Like, am i repeating myself, or could i be using differeng discriptions, or anything. Any comments would be GREATLY appreciated. I'm not done writing it, and ultimately, it's intended to be for a friend. (He liked something i wrote in the bast, so i decided to write one for him.) Anyhow, thanks in advance for anything you have to say, good or bad, trixie -------------------- She told him to take his shirt off and began stroking the skin of his back. She couldn't tell what was muscle and what needed to be unknotted, because the whole of him was so wonderfully hard. And his skin was so soft! She kneaded the back of his neck as he sat on the edge of the bed. "As soon as I'm done this cigarette, it's your turn, you know," he told her. "No!" she whined, leaning forward and resting her chin on his shoulder. "I want to massage you." "Nope." She could hear him smiling. "As soon as I'm done this." She continued massaging his back and told him to smoke slowly. There was nothing she preferred, so far, to touching him. Her fingers explored his back - more to her own pleasure than his - and touched the places that usually aggravated her: small of the back, base of the neck, between the shoulders. Then he leaned forward and butted out the cigarette, killing it (which amused her probably too much) before leaving it in the ashtray. "Okay, lie down," he instructed. "Awww!" she protested. It was half-assed and they both knew it. She went on her stomach, not concerned at all about how she looked. She rested her head on her forearms, which lay on the pillow. Then he put one leg on either side of her and sat lightly. His legs shook slightly. He lifted the back of her camisole top so that her back was exposed. She heard the top of the moisturizer bottle snap and heard him squeezing it into his hands. Then he rubbed his hands together like she had to warm up the cold lotion. And then his warm hands were on her back. She closed her eyes and arched slightly (imperceptibly, she hoped) and cat-like into his hands. They made her feel so small! She had been so worried that hands on her would give away how not small she felt, but she felt tiny. And his hands felt massive and wonderful against her. It was wonderful. He stroked the aloe-rich lotion into her skin and gently smoothed out the knots. His thumbs pressed beside her spine between the small of her back and her shoulder blades. They oscillated slightly, pressing into her. "Do you feel that?" he asked. "Mm-hmm," she responded. He continued to coax out all the sore bits. His hands only leaving her back to either get more lotion or to lift the satiny top slightly higher. "When's the last time you had a massage?" he asked. She was practically falling asleep under him. "Never," she told him. His hands stopped and he moved slightly so he could look at her face. "Never?" He sounded disbelieving. "Nope." He continued. He pulled at one of the little straps to get at her shoulder. "I could take it off, you know," she smiled. The little top was discarded. Eventually, when her back felt wonderfully manipulated, he tugged at the tap-pant style panties. He lowered them past her bum - which she normally would have protested, but everything he did felt so nice - and got more moisturizer. He started to smooth it over her lower back, waist, and butt-cheeks. His legs were still shaking. "If you put more weight on me, your legs would stop shaking," she told him. "Yeah, but I don't want to smush you," came the argument. "You won't." He let a little bit more weight down and his legs stopped shaking as much. They still shook a little, though, because he didn't want to sit directly on her. He was finishing up the massage of her lower back, when he muttered, "Turn over." He got off, allowing her to do as much. Then he smiled at her. "Because I'm not done." She smiled up at him. He told her to close her eyes and not to open them. Still smiling, and not saying a word, she closed them. Once again, she heard the bottle (and was suddenly very glad she'd thought of bringing it) and the sound the stuff made between his hands. Then he caressed her stomach and ribs, the viscosity of the lotion allowing for such smooth movement. His hands traveled across her skin and up to her breasts. She tilted her head back slightly and sighed. Every touch was warm. Every sensation was wonderful. He made her feel beautiful and small and she loved it. He removed the tap-pants. Then he moved the massage to her thighs, teasing the insides, touching every nerve, doing everything so right. She sides of his hands grazed - not at all unintentionally, she was sure - her sex and she squirmed a little. He bade her through touch to open her legs slightly more and she did. He continued to stroke her legs, but she felt what he was doing, so anticipated it. He leaned forward and gently kissed between her legs. Her knees buckled slightly and he kissed again. She opened her eyes and looked down at him. He was positioned somewhat precariously because of the proximity of the edge of the bed. He was almost parallel to her, but facing the other way. She sighed as she felt his tongue against her. Her hand moved to stroke the back of his thigh, then she snaked it around up to his groin. She brought the other hand to join it and tugged lightly at his leg. He continued to kiss at her; touching her with his lips, his tongue. Breathing at her, teasing. She pulled again at his leg. He didn't move. "Move your leg," she told him, her voice low, "Come here." He looked up at her. His boxers came off and he shifted his weight. He had one leg on either side of her, on his knees, stretched out over top of her. He resumed what he had been doing. She looked up at his hardness, deciding where to start. Then she reached up and stroked it gently, inspiration hitting her again. She lifted her head and ran her tongue along the underside. Then, no hesitation, she put her hands around it and took the tip into her mouth. She licked along the head, circling it with her tongue. He moaned lightly and her eyes closed, as she savoured the delicious sound. She started to suck at him, rubbing the parts that he lips neglected with her fingers. The way he tasted!! She loved it. She moved her lips slowly along him, taking him into her mouth. (Not as much as when he had pumped his hips, but enough that she had to extend her jaw a little.) She caressed his sex with her tongue and lips, careful, this time, to be more aware of her teeth. So involved was she in what she was doing, that she hadn't realized that he'd stopped. When it hit her, she let go of him and looked down into his eyes. They were slightly glazed and the look on his face betrayed his pleasure. She locked on to his beautiful eyes. He shifted again, moving to lie beside her. Her hands went to stroke him. They cupped his testicles and rubbed between his legs. She loved the way he felt in her hands. She loved the way his eyes fluttered slightly when she did something right. He moved his hips in time with her hand, so she syncopated her movement. The hand that worked the shaft of his dick moved to one rhythm, while the one that stroked the skin behind his sack moved to another. He kept pressing into her hands, his own rhythm erratic and indecisive. His arms moved around her. He pulled her on top of him and held her tight to his chest. She kissed his neck and his left ear. He held her tighter and pressed his hips up into hers. Her eyes closed. He felt wonderful. He was so strong. Everything he did was entirely masculine and radiated strength. How he pushed up into her was no exception. The tip of him grazed against her and her mind snapped back to reality. She whispered into his ear about protection, and he laughed quietly. "I wasn't so sure you wanted that yet," he smiled. She smiled back, and he hugged her tighter. "What makes you so sure I want it yet?" he added. She lifted herself up a bit and smiled more broadly down at him. She snaked her hand back down his stomach and slid it around him again. The decided change in breathing encouraged her, so she kissed a brief trail to his hips. She pulled at him again, massaging, using both hands. This time harder than before. She was getting more confident. Her hands never stopped until she saw a tiny bead of clear fluid at the head. She leaned forward and kissed it away, tracing her tongue against him. Then she kissed her way along his length, and slipped her mouth around him, pressing her lips into the soft skin. At first, her lips were too dry to allow for much movement, but she paused occasionally to lick them, and to lick him, and it became easier to move up and down on his cock. He placed his hands on her, holding her down to him, and pushed gently up with his hips. She loved it. Her left hand came into play and encircled the base of his sex. She took as much into her mouth as she could, but there was too much of him, so she had to use her hand to complete the sensation she wanted to give him. Eventually, she slowed down and kissed him, rather than suck. Her hands traveled up to stroke his stomach (which she had fallen in love with), and he touched them and pulled her up. She nuzzled into him and kissed his neck. He rolled them both over with an impressive ease and bore his weight down on her. His lips traced the side of her face and down to her ear. She closed her eyes, ran her fingers over his hard back, and cocked her head to allow him whatever he had in mind. His wonderful tongue moved along the edge of her ear. She heard him breathing; felt him breathing. She could feel his soft lips hovering so close that the heat from his skin transferred to her pinna. Each touch was so minute that, when his tongue reached and touched past the outer ear and he licked at her, she nearly shivered. It amazed her that something so small (and cliche) as someone's tongue in her ear could feel so nice. Her hand moved up the back of his neck and caressed his head. She moved subtly to kiss his lips. He kissed back beautifully and pressed down at her again. She pushed back. Once again, he didn't slip inside her easily. And, again, he had to position himself against her. But he was so patient and careful, that she didn't feel at all awkward or embarrassed. She figured that he'd probably had to do this many times. Her arms moved around him convulsively and she made small, involuntary sounds. He nuzzled his face against hers and eased off slightly. He moved his lips close to her ear again and reassured her: "Shh… it gets easier." "I know," she responded, and he pushed slowly, but firmly down at her again. She sighed with relief when he slid past and inside her. Whispered: "There." But she wasn't sure which one of them had said it. He moved smoothly against her, and she pushed back. He felt wonderful inside of her. Thick and good. She thought she could feel every texture and every movement as he pushed deeper inside her. She felt the heat from his body and trenched her fingers against his back, holding him closer to her. He sped slightly and she held on even tighter. She felt her own body temperature begin to rise. She didn't notice her breathing changing. He bore down harder into her. His back slickened slightly with sweat. She lifted up to him, feeling his stomach against hers and his wonderful cock inside her. She sighed and lost the feeling. He leaned up to look at her, his hard sheath still inside her. His eyes met hers and he stared down at her. "You sounded so close, baby," he said, his face puzzled and veiled in a fine mist of his salty sweat. Her arms loosened around him and she gazed up at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Here," he muttered, pulling himself out of her and easing his weight off. He kneeled by her legs and told her to roll over on to her stomach. She did. His hands went to her hips and pulled her up to her knees. She could feel him kneeling behind her on the bed. He indicated by touch again that she should spread her legs, so she did. He was so close to her. He touched her with one hand and used the other to guide his dick, rubbing it against her to find the right spot. He told her to go up on all fours, then pulled her up again. She moved to the position he wanted. He moved closer to her and pushed against her. He slid in easier this time. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |