Message-ID: <10445eli$9804211144@qz.little-neck.ny.us> From: Celeste801 Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 275 - April 15 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <87e9f77e.353ad729@aol.com> X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 276 - April 18, 1998 Note: This week I have a selection of pick-up lines to be used for or by engineers and engineering students: 1. I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. 2. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. 3. Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. 4. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. 5. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. 6. Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium? 7. How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond? 8. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. 9. You're sweeter than glucose. 10. We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes. 11. Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me? 12. Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX? 13. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen. 14. Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com 15. You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power! Second note: A man, his wife, and their eight children are waiting at a bus stop. A blind man joins the group. The bus arrives. The blind man and the husband are forced to walk because there's just no more room on the bus. As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane starts to irritate the other man. Finally, the man says, "You know, that's pretty irritating. Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?" The blind man retorts: "If you'd put a rubber on the end of *your* stick, we'd BOTH be on that bus." Third note: One day Charlie the embalmer says to his boss, "There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker." The boss says, "What's that?" Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me." They go to the table where she's lying. Charlie flips back the sheet, points, and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of shrimp. That's her clit." Charlie says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp." Fourth note: New Zealanders are lonely people. They sometimes have bizarre insights into human existence. I got the following story from a New Zealander: An Aborigane and an Italian are driving through the outbacks. Both are tired , when suddenly they see a dingo with its head caught in a fence. The aboriganee slams on the brakes, jumps out of the car, and drops his pants. The Italian sits looking on in stunned silence as his mate boinks this dingo. When he is finished , he turns to his mate and says " OK, Giuseppe, it's your turn now " The italian just sits there, not knowing what to do; and his mate says, "Don't worry; it doesn't hurt." So the Italian gets out of the car and slips his head into the fence next to the dingo. Fifth note: I occasionally make typographical mistakes. Last issue I gave DG's "Blood and Sand" conflicting ratings of 10-10-10 and 10-8-8. When conflicts of this kind occur, the rating in the index (table of contents) is almost always the correct one. I often copy the ratings at the end of one review and paste them at the end of the next. In the present case, I remembered to change the name of the story, but I neglected to change the numeric ratings. At any rate, "Blood and Sand" is an excellent story. At the present time it is a contender for the Number One story of April. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste@aol.com. - Celeste "Flowers" by Lord Malinov (rebound sex with a friend) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345153239 "Christmas Presents" by Friar Dave (poignant sex story) 10, 10, 10 {Not posted yet} "Berries" by Uther Pendragon (pioneer teen sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344229979 "Sports Bra" by stcheese (intramural sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345531752 "Never" by Morgan Preece (sexy poem) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343017512 Guest Reviews: "False ID" by Kathy B http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344368484 "Dreams" by DickD (stroke fiction) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343594527 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343594538 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343594544 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343698830 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790597 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790590 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790611 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790635 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343805673 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343805678 (*) http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343805683 (*) (*) Repost not by author. "Lara's Defeat" by Dimitri http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380061 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380074 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380067 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380081 "Baby" by EzRiter http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342543706 "Playing with grace" by James Dawson {SPAM} --,--,-- "Miscommunication" probably by yarblack@aol.com {dynamic slut wife sex} 8, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345562291 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345558883 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345558882 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345558879 Reposted Reviews: * "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (rough adolescent sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430 (*) (*) Repost not by Author * "The Big Time" by Michael K. Smith (emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274597954 (*) (*) Repost not by Author * "Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure) 9, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344763241 (*) (*) Repost not by Author * "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson (sex with nurse) 7.5, 8, 7 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=298812459 * "Ice Cream Sundae" by BronwenSM (British FF sex) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344607536 * "My Boyfriend's Back" by losgud (ff sex & threesome) 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642677 ======================== On this day in Celestial History.. Celestial Reviews #77 - April 20, 1996 ======================== * "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance) 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=308963347 * "Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure) 9, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344763241 (*) (*) Repost not by Author * = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been reposted) "Flowers" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). {Link: {http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345153239} Our narrator has been dumped by Melanie and is in a bar, seeking consolation from Sarah whom he likes like a little sister, but who isn't his type, even though she has repeatedly professed her love for him. The alcohol renders him a sentimental idiot, and he badly wants to express his gratitude to this angelic friend. So they have wonderful sex together, and he wakes up the next morning at home and alone. That's about it - except for the thought provoking ending; but you'll have to read the story to find out about that. The story is told from the perspective of the guy the morning after. I have always wondered how drunks could recall so many details in order to relate a story like this so accurately. Or maybe they can't. Ratings for "Flowers" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Christmas Presents" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com). {Link: Not posted yet.} O'Hara, a rich guy who is lonely on Christmas Eve in New York City, has arranged for a call girl to visit him. He likes to talk, and so we get some interesting details about the hooker's development, beginning with her selling sexual favors to her brother when she was eight years old, while she marvels at the night sights outside the penthouse window. They quote philosophy to each other for a while, and it turns out she used to read his stories on the Internet. For a long time O'Hara had devoted his life to being socially responsible, and he's trying to make a comeback. At times this story borders on the depressing, but it manages to remain tender and poignant. In a way, what Friar Dave here is an interesting and sexy version of one of my occasional tirades about socially responsible sex. This story has lots of typos. The author must have neglected to run a simple spellcheck. But overall, this is a very nice Christmas story - even in April. Ratings for "Christmas Presents" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Berries" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344229979} Aurora and Lawrence are teenagers in love back in pioneer days in America. On this particular day they have been observing a bull mating with the local cows, and this has been giving Aurora and Lawrence ideas and urges of their own. Their passion is not alleviated when they suddenly find themselves watching a man and a woman from a wagon train frolicking in the woods. After watching, they move to a more private area and make love to each other. But all of the action in the previous paragraph is actually part of a story that Larry is telling Dawn in modern times, while he fondles and caresses her. It's the ole sex story within a sex story technique, and the author brings it off very nicely. Ratings for "Berries" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Sports Bra" by stcheese (stcheese@hotmail.com). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345531752} Having giving straight 10s to the first three stories I reviewed for this issue, I decided to find a story that would disabuse my readers of the notion that my ratings have been getting too high lately. "Sports Bra." Now there's a lame-ass story if I ever saw one. But dammit! I start reading the story and soon I'm on the edge of my seat. The college guy has come out of the library after a really rough day and a sexy woman in the eponymous sports bra comes up to him, gives him a sexy kiss, and whispers, "Play along!" Well, at least I got to say "eponymous" in this review. I really like that word. Allegedly, this woman has noticed that she was being stalked by a creepy pervert, and she needs our non-eponymous hero to supply some security. My own suspicions at this point are that she's a roving nymphomaniac or has lost a sorority bet. Wrong again. She's Serena. He's Cal. She thinks he has saved her life. I think that makes them blood-siblings, but maybe that's only in the Inuit culture. But then they would have rubbed noses instead of kissing. But I digress. Meanwhile, Cal has swollen up tremendously. No, it's not what you think. He hurt his ankle playing intramural softball that afternoon. And no, it did not happen in Taria's short story of that title. Serena is a sports medicine major; so she offers to do something about his engorged body part, as compensation for his saving her ass. And a lovely ass it is. On the way to her dorm, they come upon - er, see - a strange-looking guy near the soccer field with his shorts pulled down to his ankles, jerking off. They think this is Serena's stalker, but I think this was just a soccer goalie. Goalkeepers have very little to do in most college soccer games, and this sort of activity is not at all unusual. Serena is wearing a Nike ensemble. You know their motto: "Be the best that you can be." Just kidding: "Just do it!" They just follow the motto - eventually. Serena has a roommate. But she goes shortly after they get there. I'll bet you thought she was going to come. Then Serena goes to talk to the RA. That's an Egyptian sun god, I think. Then at 2:15 a.m., they start giggling and decide to take a shower together. To do this, Serena removes her sports bra, but the title of the story stays the same. Soon Cal experiences additional swelling. Eventually they have sex, several times. This is a very good story. It reads like a story written by an authentic, creative college student. My main suggestion to the author is to get a better name. Ratings for "Sports Bra" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Never" by Morgan Preece (morganpreece@anon.nymserver.com). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343017512 } Fuck it! Surely a poem won't get straight 10s! But this one does. Back in the days before I wrote these reviews, I used to have time to read the comics in my local newspaper. One of my favorites was Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin used to have "opposite days." Like Calvin, the author of this poem describes what NOT to do to make a woman happy; but the poem gives a delightful description of exactly how to make a woman melt in your arms. I often say that good poetry differs from greeting card verse. However, I would be quite happy to open a greeting card and read this poem. Fuck it! If you want a bad story this week, go find one for yourself! Ratings for "Never" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "False ID" by Kathy B (zpariah@aol.com). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344368484} Guest Review by R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com). "False ID" by Kathy B is a delightful short story in which Kathy, after looking in the mirror one day, realizes her life has been pretty much all work and no play. So, she decides to lose some weight and rediscovers her sex drive, doing whatever it takes to rekindle the relationship with her husband, Brian, whom Kathy describes as "plain vanilla." Finally, frustrated and even hornier than ever, Kathy and Brian separate for a couple of months. During this time, old Brian figures out what the deal is and returns with an idea he thinks will set things right. Brian suggests Kathy should revive her college alter ego, "Connie Sutherland," a name Kathy used on a fake ID. Brian makes his pitch, suggesting a little "authorized infidelity" would be just the thing to spice up their relationship, finishing off with the news of having a date for "Connie." It takes a little doing on Jack's part, but Kathy/Connie agrees to go out with a guy named Jack, an acquaintance of Brian. After meeting Jack and discovering he's Black, Connie and her date have dinner and go dancing, after which Jack gives her one hell of a goodnight kiss, leaving Kathy wondering which way was up. She returns home and shares the evening's activities with Brian, who now appears to be more kinky than she suspected! The author's depiction of the sexual liaison between "Connie" and Jack is fairly stereotypical of first-time interracial sex involving Blacks and non- Blacks - but stimulating nonetheless. The moral of this story is every relationship can use some spicing up - you just have to find the right spice. With Kathy and Brian, all they needed was some salt and pepper :-). This story was nicely written, save a couple of formatting boo-boos. I would have liked to seen the story end with a focus on the impact this escapade had on Kathy's and Brian's relationship, but we sort of get the idea things worked out well. Good job, Kathy B! Ratings for "False ID" R'khaan (technical quality): 8 R'khaan (plot & character): 6 R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):7 "Dreams" by DickD (dickd49@aol.com). {Link: See TOC.} Guest review by Fiddler. When first you read this story, you notice that none of the characters is dreaming. The whole story, however, is really plotted like a dream. The transition from one event to the next makes a certain kind of sense, but the third event has no relationship to the first. Aside from the first (very short) chapter the author provides us with plenty of sex. The male first narrator starts by telling us about a trip to a lakeside party which we, but not he, realize is going to be an orgy. After reporting on one sex scene which he sees and hears, however, he stops to tell us about his former girlfriend. We never get down to the lake. Chapters 3 and 11 are mostly about his experience with his girlfriend, Kathy. Chapters 4 through 10 are his third-person account of what she had gone through with another boyfriend, Doug, and another couple, Karen and Jim. Chapter 12 is Kathy's first-person account of being raped by some guys whom she was using to make Doug jealous. Chapters 13 through 17 are Karen's version of the same events. It's hard to reconcile Kathy's relationship to Doug with her relationship to the first narrator. None of that matters very much. This is stroke fiction, and it provides lots of sex, consensual, nonconsensual, oral, anal, vaginal, observed. It also gives us (when you ignore the first narrator's chapters) a reasonable development of passion and romantic involvement. Ratings for "Dreams": Athena: 6 Venus: 8 Fiddler: 9 "Lara's Defeat" by Dimitri (dimitri_resides@hotmail.com). {Link: See TOC.} This review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net. This is the first piece of fan fiction I've read with the one and only Lara Croft as star. Whatdya mean, "Who's Lara Croft?" She's the rockinginst, sexiest, most belligerent adventure babe ever to grace a computer game. She's been in two adventures of her own so far, with a third planned for Christmas next year. She's appeared on film at U2 concerts, in a German pop video, and is soon to star in a live action movie from Paramount. She and the Spice Girls are the new hip icons of British youth (though I don't think they'd use the word "hip" anymore.) Blessed with enormous breasts, more firepower than Saddam Hussein, a spectacularly short temper, gazelle like athletic ability, and a total disregard for any and all endangered species of animal (which includes men), Lara is the living embodiment of grrrl power. After all that gushing praise for the star, what of this story? Well, this is a prequel to Lara's first video game adventure, Tomb Raider, and employs some of the characters from that. Her soon-to-be arch-rival, Pierre, embroils her in some tomb-raiding to assist some Prof or other, to gain access to a sealed burial chamber in Egypt. At first Pierre and Lara bicker and trade insults, but, being as this is an ASS/M story, they're soon fucking furiously, Lara being a bit peeved that Pierre should have taken up with a stewardess on the flight to Cairo. After much adventuring, a bit more copulating, some shootouts, and another fuck, the story ends at the opening sequence to the first video game, which funnily enough has no fucking in it at all. As a story, I really enjoyed it. OK, it's not Alistair Maclean or anything, but not bad by any means. The sex was fairly stereotyped, but I kinda expect that in most ASS stories. The author seems obsessed with thumb knuckles rubbing clitorises for some reason, and he also seemed to want to go through as many names for the female genitals as he could. Even when Lara's masturbating, it has to be while she's dreaming of cock, and she fucks herself with three fingers, rather than simply rubbing herself. Still, it's written by a guy, whatdya expect? . I enjoyed this as a major Tomb Raider fan, but I suspect it's not good enough to be liked by a non-Tomby as either, a straight sex story, or as a strong enough adventure in its own right. So fans only, possibly. Ratings for "Lara's Defeat" Athena (technical quality): 9 (Good, just not brilliant) Venus (plot & character): 9 (Plenty of action, intrigue and adventure) Kim (appeal to reviewer): 8 (I would had liked more adventure and less repetitive sex) "Baby," submitted by EzRiter (posted by Don Ellis ). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342543706} Guest Review by R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com). Sam and Mandy Johnson started out as many of us would like to. They fell in love at an early age and set about the task of starting a family. All sweet and innocent - until a trip to Vegas where Sam caught the gambling bug, quickly finding himself $20,000 in the hole and in deep shit with his bookie, a very large and very dangerous Black man, David Winston White, affectionately known as "Baby." There were a lot of things I liked about this story, like Baby's interesting way of collecting on Sam's gambling debts. Most of all, I loved the way Mandy defended her daughters, standing up to the imposing Black bookie as any mother would to protect them from Sam's downfall and Baby's rather interesting collection techniques. However, from this point on, the events take on a rather astonishing change as Mandy willingly gives herself to Baby, forcing Sam to watch as she gets bitten by some stereotypically serious Black snake. And, if Sam's humiliation wasn't complete, Baby asks Mandy to have his baby, to which she readily agrees. While reading this author's work, I found it a little corny at first - who ever heard of a polite gangster? However, as I continue to follow Sam's predicament, I could understand why Mandy agreed to whore herself to Baby. Nothing hurts a man more to only lose his wife to another man and know she's going to have his baby; but to lose his existing children to the guy as well? When you tack on Sam getting relegated to second string in his own bed and the fact that all of this is happening right in his face and you have some pretty humiliating shit going on here. If I wanted to get even with my wife for losing everything we owned, this is how I'd do it. As it turned out, Mandy not only had Baby's child, but in the end sort of took Baby as a second husband. Sam finally got his act together, got rid of his gambling habit, and the whole lot of them went on to live as happily as any could under these conditions. The sexual descriptions in the story were tastefully done and, overall, it was fairly well written. This story brings home a strong moral point: If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER and get it under control. Or Baby might come to visit one day. Ratings for "Baby" R'khaan (technical quality): 7 R'khaan (plot & character): 7 R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):7 "Playing with Grace" by James Dawson (darkone@darkstories.com). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com) Before I get to my "real" review I guess I really should jot down a quick note about this "story." Celeste sent it to me and I sent it right back to her saying that it was nothing but Spam – basically the first third of a story that stops before it even has the chance to get interesting. The only way to find out if it's even remotely worthwhile (doubtful) is to go to the advertised site and pay some hard earned cash on a story that's probably no better than the other dozens of rape/humiliations stories that are posted to ASS on a weekly basis. I told Celeste that even a ranting, venting review would be more than this story deserves. But then I thought it over. The CR readers deserve to know about a story that would only end up wasting their time. So consider yourself warned. Ratings? Ha! It didn't even deserve this much. "Miscommunication" by Yarblack (yarblack@aol.com). {Link: See TOC.} Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com) Ok, you're a thirty-forty something and one day you discover that you're a world-class workaholic when your wife asks you if you're having an affair. You discover to your surprise you are, but the affair is your job. When that happens, it's time to start putting a little work into your marriage. You do this by dating your wife all over again, sharing fantasies, and having adventurous sex. Slowly she becomes that slut wife every male dreams of having. Well in this case the high-priced call-girl every male dreams of having for a wife. Seriously, think about it. She starts feeling better about herself because other men are interested in her (not to mention the sex-life has picked up between you two). You start seeing her as an object worthy of desire because other men see her as an object of desire. Hardly anyone stoops down to pick up a penny these days, but what if it was a rare penny? What if other people wanted that penny? See what I mean? Well, it sounded sensible while I was reading it. The first part of this story could be titled "how to put passion back in your marriage." The first part of this story was also a virtual cornucopia of summarized erotica plots that had me thinking, "if this author had fleshed all this out this could be the slut wife version of Mark Aster's Allen sisters." Which is to say, the author could have serialized this story almost forever without the readers getting bored of the main characters. The latter part of the story of course moves into the traditional gang-bang the wife through a "miscommunication" that I won't give away. And yes the sex was hot. I found the scene shortly after the first bar-room flirt to be extraordinarily hot, if only because the anticipation and mystery was so thick. In the gang-bang finale there is one small cliche where the wife discovers a black man with a ten inch cock. No doubt there really are black men out there with ten inch cocks and I suppose it's quite possible that such a man would be in the right place at the right time to be included in this story. In a previous slut wife story review, I said such stories are about power. This story, however did not exactly fit into that mold. That's not to say slut wife fans will be disappointed, far from it. But there's no power-trip here, only two interesting people whose fantasy lives have crossed over into their real lives. As Celeste's vicarious thrills go, this was one hell of an enjoyable ride. There were a few problems with the story, all of them in Athena. This story could use a good proof. Aside from the occasional misused word and rough sentences, there are no blank lines between the paragraphs (again space is not a valuable commodity to be hoarded!). But most serious of all, there's a formatting glitch that causes the story to read like this paragraph. Those are the problems. I suggest you ignore them because the plot and characters are rock solid and I think you'll find the appeal to be worthwhile even if you normally don't go in for slut wife or badly formatted stories :-) Ratings for "Miscommunication" Athena (technical quality): 8 -- Hard to read but worth it. Venus (plot & character): 10 Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430} This is a vivid description of a date during which the fifteen-year-old girl is forced by peer pressure to engage in sex that isn't very pleasant for her. I'm sure many people will read this as a description of a really great date or of the "good ole days." I found it to be a brutally realistic but sad story. I never went out on a date with a boy who forced me into anal sex or made me lick his cock clean after he stuck it into my ass. {I might add that although I myself enjoy consensual anal sex; anal rape is likely to be painful and unhealthy. The anal orifice doesn't self-lubricate during arousal, as does the pussy; and so when some jerk forces himself in, the activity is likely to tear tissue. This may sound like fun; but it can lead to medical problems. In addition, anal rape in real life is a very good way to get and give AIDS.} I never dated anyone just to prove that I could take his cock just as well as any other slut could. I know girls who acted like that, and I don't know any of them who look as happy at this time of life as I feel. I guess I'm lucky I bought into my parents' system of morality and self respect. I try not to do moral lectures, and I know there are no teenagers reading this review or this story. Here is my lecture. Don't do what they do in this story. Have sex only with someone you love and trust. But it's OK to read this story as soon as you're old enough so that nobody is breaking any laws. This is still a good story. I just suggest that you think twice if you think this sounds like a lot of fun. I don't think the author saw it that way, nor did I. Ratings for "Dating Ritual" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Big Time" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274597954} The 18-year-old narrator is sunbathing on the patio when she is surprised by her little sister's boyfriend, and so she has a little fun by flirting with him and getting him to ogle her. Then she gives him some sex education - simple things like how to apply sun tan lotion, how to French kiss, how to suck nipples.... The kid takes lessons really well. Then the next day he applies what he has learned to the narrator's younger sister. In addition to being sexy, this story is actually kind of touching. Ratings for "The Big Time" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344763241} This is the longest and most complex story I have yet read in the DarkNites series. I see similarities between this story and the typical Dirty Dawg story. Since I am going to review the Dawg's "Lisa" next, I'll compare the two. Both stories center around a friendship or love relationship that has been incomplete or has gone bad in the past; and now the former lovers are thrown back together with a chance to set things right. A major difference is that Dirty Dawg views life more simply; when people screw up a relationship, they should simply realize what they were missing and be nice to each other - very nice to each other. The present story, on the other hand focuses on the struggles for power that are so often present to screw up relationships - and to make them really interesting. The story is full of ebb and flow - ying and yang - that shifts in rhythm with the events of the story or when the author creatively changes perspective. Taken in isolation, the present story has hotter sex. By that I mean that if you want to get your lover going, you could probably find a couple of paragraphs that you could read out loud until he/she would interrupt you by jumping your bones. But taken in its context, the Dawg's sex is pretty hot too. That is, you may not be able to find a short passage in "Lisa" that is equally amenable to bone jumping; but when I read the whole story I came away with a warm, wet, and wonderful feeling that helped make me and my husband about as happy as the quicker fix supplied by the present story. I don't want to overemphasize the importance of the power struggles in "Old Friends." There's much more to this story than power struggles. There's the focus on the difference between young love and mature love. There's the man's sudden realization of his own beauty when his beautiful lover finds him to be desirable. And there's much more. This story could have benefited from a final proofreading. The omitted apostrophes and missing articles are a minor annoyance - even grammar goddesses make petty mistakes. In one case, however, I was seriously confused by the verb tense. The author shifted into a flashback without making it clear to me that she had done so. Only after I had read several paragraphs did I say to myself, "Wait a minute! This has been a description of something that happened ten years earlier!" When I checked back, I discovered that the author was right: if I would have read more carefully, I would have caught the flashback. But this isn't a reading test to separate the Honors Students from the less inspired pupils; and so I think a simple shift in verb tense - in this case saying "She HAD BEEN wearing a maroon sundress...." instead of "She was wearing...." - would have made the timing crystal clear. There was no need for this confusion; this author is a brilliant writer. Had she simply made one more careful swing through this story, she would probably have noticed mistakes like these herself. Even better, she should capture an intelligent potential sex partner and make him proofread the story before she agrees to do to him some of the interesting things that transpire in this story. Ratings for "Old Friends" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson. {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=298812459 } Guest review by Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com). I have a couple of mixed opinions about this piece. First let's talk about the theme/plot of the story. The narrator of the story, Ron, is involved in an accident and breaks both wrists. After a period of time he becomes involved with the night nurse, who has some interesting ideas of therapy. I remember years ago watching a rather tacky, but arousing porn flick about nurses. I don't know, I'm guessing the appeal is the outfit - maybe the white is a purity thing. The thrill seems to be about them ‘coming out' of their shell. So, the story has some potential. One minor flaw that should be fixed is the formatting. I'm talking about mainly punctuation here - sometimes no spaces after commas, sometimes a space before, sometimes a period instead. It's just slightly distracting, it draws your eye away from what you're reading. The writer has also tried to build a little tension by delaying the sexual activities, kind of a slow burn idea. It just could do with a few changes to make it work better. A few scenes seem to end very abruptly. Perhaps a few sentences here and there could fix it. (If the author is reading this - I'd be quite happy to give you a specific example of what I mean.) Now, it has been brought up a number of times that proofreading is important. I've found it is still possible to miss errors when I do my own, so it does help to have someone else do this. However, a spell check is a must, really. There are some obvious spelling errors which could be eliminated easily. As a matter of fact, most spell checks will help you pick up some of the formatting errors too. If you're into the naughty nurse thing though, most of these things likely won't bother you too much (okay, well it will bother some). I think actually with a little work, it could be a much better piece. Oh, and if I may be indulged a mini ‘pet peeve'.... avoid using cock sizes and bra sizes. I have been impressed by many things over the years with the men I have dated. Just having a large cock is not one of them. It may also be a cliche, but size doesn't matter. Frankly, it's other talents I'm much more interested in . Ratings for "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" Athena (technical quality): 7.5 Venus (plot & character): 8 Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 7 * "Ice Cream Sundae" by Bronwen (bronwensm@writehand.clara.net). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344607536} This is a very nice story! Two female friends get drunk together, complain about men, go back to the room, and make love. Just what I'd like to do if I were female. Well, something like that. The writing is sound, the characters are agreeable, the sex is hot and not drawn-out. I do have two problems with the story: (1) it's in a foreign language. That is to say, it's in English, and I speak American. What does "pissed as a fart" mean? What's a "duvet"? What are "DMs"? Most of the foreign words occur during the setup, however; the sex itself seems internationally worded. (This isn't really a problem, of course, it's actually great fun. "Bollocks to this for a game of soldiers" will stick in my mind for years, or at least days.) (2) the narrator has never made love to a woman before, and this particular woman is a friend of hers. I would normally expect this to figure a little more in the story, contribute to some tension, some fear of making a wrong move, of having messed up the friendship, of being a Pervert, whatever. But both ladies take the whole thing VERY casually. Which shows admirable rationality on their parts, but does deprive us the readers of some potentially sexy and heartwarming emotional-tension stuff (the kind of stuff that's all too rare in sex-writing). Maybe next time! Overall, a good story, and particularly interesting to F/F fans, Brit-fans, and non-skinny-lady fans (you'll have to read the story to find out why that last bit). Ratings for "Ice Cream Sundae" (added by Celeste): Technical Quality: 10 Plot & Character: 10 Appeal to Reviewer: 10 * "My Boyfriend's Back" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642677} Ah, the ambiguity of the apostrophe.... Denise's boyfriend has gone on a business trip to Iowa, leaving her alone with her hot pussy on a weekend in New York. So her friend Kimbra, who has just broken up with her own boyfriend, comes over to drink wine and watch movies. They are surprised to find that one of the movies is an ff porn flick, and that gives them ideas; and since they're both horny as hell, they're off to the races. They both discover that they still respect each other in the morning; and so they continue to stimulate each other intensely until the boyfriend arrives home unexpectedly. But that's the point of the title of the story - first the two ladies go at it madly BEHIND his back, and then they go at it with him ON his back. And you thought the title had something to do with a 60's song! The sex is hot, and the descriptions are vivid. This is a very good story, if what you're interested in is a sexual romp. Ratings for "My Boyfriend's Back" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@NYC.Pipeline.Com). {Link: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=308963347} As I understand it, Ann Douglas has become anxious about the possibilities of censorship and related repression on the Internet and has withdrawn from posting her stories with this newsgroup. I heard she has started her own newslist, to which she circulates her stories, and so I thought she wasn't going to post on a.s.s. anymore. Therefore, I was surprised to find this story in the postings. I don't know how it got there, but I'm glad it did. The story centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club Med type resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals. Although both women are lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends. After some preliminary fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a sort of charity bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have Jeanette for their date for the evening. I think I have told you enough about the story. It's a hot plot with hot sex. I might add that Jeanette is a high school teacher and many of us often wish we could touch our favorite students the way she does - but somebody might take that comment the wrong way. Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but this story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and sexy plot woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate information about varied cultures. In addition, the author enriches the narrative with sexy flashbacks and side plots that heighten the tension and allure of the main storyline. As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible women would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story, I myself have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual activity. However, after reading this story, my defenses have begun to crumble. If by some chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful guy that humps me on demand like Mark Aster's studly hero and then found myself on an exotic Caribbean island with a beautiful, rich former student who was professing her love for me after purchasing me for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I might give it a thought. Hell, I think I'll give it a thought right now! I'm reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that "this is my best birthday ever." This is the best story ever by Ann Douglas. Ratings for "Scarlett's Cove" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |