Message-ID: <6167eli$9712081831@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Celeste801 Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 240 - Dec 6 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 240 - December 6, 1997 Note: Someone has reposted all of SueNH's stories. I am reposting my reviews of those stories - plus reviewing the few I missed. Note that some of my reviews are based on my old system (10=excellent, 0=awful), and I have not tried to update those ratings at this time. Note also that many of these are old reviews, and if I were writing them now, I might say different things. I am posting the reviews in simple alphabetical order. I am including a few "with Sue" stories that may not yet have been reposted. I do not know Sue's current address - all of the addresses listed in the reviews are inaccurate. Maybe this Sue Renaissance will prod Sue out of retirement! Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "Warm Caribbean Night" by SueNH (romantic mistaken identity) 10, 9, 9 "Ironing in the Kinks" by SueNH (quickie) 10, 8, 8 "Alice and Joe and You and Me" by SueNH (voyeurism) 10, 7, 7 "my childhood games" by x (kiddy sex) 5, 3, 3 "Long Ago and Far Away" by Sven the Elder (forbidden romance) 10, 8, 8 "Sister Ashley" by Greatness (sex with a nun) 4, 3, 3 "Passages in Time. Episode 2: The Laying of Claim" by Alan C. McD (time-travel sex) 10, 8, 8 Guest Reviews: "Iowa State Police" by Ms. Which (oral sex with cop) 9, 8.5, 6 "Moroccan Club" by sweetkaren (strip club orgy) 7, 6, 8 Reposted Reviews: * "AdventureLand" by SueNH.(Amusement park sex) 9, 8, 10 * "Catty Corner" by SueNH (voyeurism) 10 * "Cocktail Table" by SueNH (orgy) 10, 10, 10 * "Craftsmanship" by SueNH (blowing the glass blower) 10, 10, 10 * "Film at Eleven" by SueNH (sex on videotape) 10 * "Fun with Dick and Jane" by SueNH (group sex ed) 10 * "Gee Spot Run" by SueNH (masturbation & voyeurism) 10 * "Good Grief" by SueNH (surrogate sex) 10, 10, 10 * "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by SueNH (orgy) * "Here Cums Santa" by SueNH (real celebrity sex!) 10, 10, 10 * "Into the Woods" by With Sue (outdoor celebrity sex) 10, 10, 10 * "Kachina" by SueNH (sex in the great outdoors) 10 * "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire" by SueNH (revenge) 10, 9, 9 * "Life's a Beach" by SueNH (Sex on the beach) 4 * "Louvre Love" by SueNH (Sex & Fantasy in the Louvre) 9, 7, 8 * "Lab Partners" by WithSueNH (very hot, gentle threesome) 10, 10, 10 * "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (orgies in an island paradise) 9 * "Lucy in the Sky" by SueNH (sex in the outdoors) 10 * "On the Dock" by SueNH (exhibitionism & voyeurism) 10, 10, 10 * "Red Hot" by SueNH (orgy) 9.5, 10, 10 * "Slippery When Wet" by SueNH (sex in jacuzzi) 10 * "To Serve and Protect" by SueNH (sex in the fast lane) 10 * "A Weekend on the Island" by WithSue (hot orgy) 10, 10, 10 * "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (sexy dream & doll sex) 10, 8, 8 * = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been reposted) "Warm Caribbean Night" by SueNH. Sue is waiting for her lover while he takes a swim in the ocean. When he returns, he will make love to her for the first time. He returns, gently fucks her in the complete velvety darkness, then returns again. Ooops! How can this be? The lover in the darkness must have been someone else! I'll still never understand why people think the second-person (you) narrative is so great. But this is overall a nice romantic fantasy. Ratings for "Warm Caribbean Night" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Ironing in the Kinks" by SueNH. This is a continuation of "Warm Caribbean Night." After they return from their trip to the Caribbean, Sue is ironing the laundry (an ancient custom still performed in medieval American households), when her lover drops by unexpectedly. Since Sue is already in heat, the lover arranges for some kinky sex involving the ironing board and a few other pieces of furniture. This is hot sex, but it's hardly a fully developed plot. Ratings for "Ironing in the Kinks" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Alice and Joe and You and Me" by SueNH. This is a continuation of the previous two stories. This time Sue and her lover are invited to visit some neighbors who have a nice house on the beach. They watch them having some hot sex in the jacuzzi and with the jacuzzi hose. This earlier work of Sue's is not nearly as good as her later, more integrated efforts. At this early stage she has some good ideas, but she is posting them as they happen to come to her mind. In her later work she seems to be more willing to wait until she has a whole story before telling it. Ratings for "Alice and Joe and You and Me" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "my childhood games" by x (x@x.org). This is a story only in the sense that it consists of 767 words in a single paragraph that are generally about a single set of events. It comes from the website of the Childhood Sexuality Center; and so I don't want to make fun of it, since it might be the genuine reflections of a dysfunctional adult who was rendered dyslexic as a result of early childhood sexual trauma. It's not really very interesting, unless you're interested in 11-year-olds rolling in the mud and sucking each other's cocks. Ratings for "my childhood games" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 3 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3 "Long Ago and Far Away" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk). This story is a retrospective about Sven's experiences before he was the Elder - long ago and far away, when he was a white European romancing the black African daughter of the local chieftain. The chieftain wasn't all that thrilled about the relationship; and so he had ordered the relationship to end. This is the story of the couple's last romantic tryst. It's an interesting story with good sex, but my impression is that this is a lot clearer and more interesting in the mind of the author than it will be to the minds of people who do not share that same initial perspective. Ratings for "Long Ago and Far Away" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Sister Ashley" by Greatness. {The author didn't give his address, but no matter.} Jimmy Parsons is 13 years old. He has twin sisters who are four years older than he is, and they have 35C tits; but those numbers may be inaccurate, unless Jimbo is a lot better at math than he is at spelling and grammar. The girls were pretty but not too bright. Father Mike, the local priest, rants against sin, and so the girls don't let anyone get too far with them. But even though they're so dumb that blondes probably tell jokes about them, they figure out loopholes in the rules. For example, since they can't fuck with boys, they have sex with each other. Now, the Sister Ashley of the title is not one of these sisters, but rather a nun. Actually, she's a fake nun. The kids in this story go to a lot of trouble to figure this out; but it should have been easy, because nuns are all named after saints. Nuns may be named after male saints or female saints, but they have to be genuine Catholic saints. There is no St. Ashley. Don't ask me why: I think it has something to do with nobody naming their daughters Ashley or Brittany until the 1960's, and by then even the Catholics had stopped making saints. Anyway, there may be a Sister Mary Ralph or a Sister John Michael or even a Sister Billy Bob; but there is no way any genuine nun can be named Sister Ashley. Well, what do you think these playful little rascals will do with Sister Ashley when they expose her - er, when they uncover her secret? The answer is hidden in a lot of childish gibberish, but I think it involves a dog. Ratings for "Sister Ashley" Athena (technical quality): 4 Venus (plot & character): 3 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3 "Passages in Time. Episode 2: The Laying of Claim" by Alan C. McD (18157818@msn.com). This second story in the "Passages in Time" series builds upon the first episode, which was entitled "The Awakening." This one has more focus on enigmatic aspects of time travel than some readers will want to see. On the other hand, some readers will like this sci-fi emphasis. In this episode we go back in history to 10,000 BC, where our heroine becomes our hero and has sex with a prehistoric woman. This is a little confusing, since I am not at all familiar with prehistoric sex. My closest experience was the movie "One Million BC," in which Racquel Welch (I think) went around for about two hours grunting and looking good. The copulators in this story seem to lie somewhere between Neanderthals or Cro Magnons and Racquel Welch - but then my time frame may be inaccurate. These people do not have sex in the missionary position. But I suppose that's because there were no missionaries to teach that position until AD. On the whole, I enjoyed the insights into prehistoric thought processes, but I found the time travel aspects to be somewhere between annoying and distracting. I still am not clear why or how the time-traveling explorer of the galaxy is saving the others (whoever they are) through union with them. This story reminds me a great deal of the work of another author. If this author has ever written a story with a character named Hideo in it, he/she should 'fess up and come clean with me. The author clearly wants us to stay with him for his whole show. When this chapter is integrated with everything else, it may become excellent; but right now it's somewhat confusing. Ratings for "The Laying of Claim" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Iowa State Police" by Ms. Which (mswhich@hotmail.com). Guest review by Morgan Preece. Well, a joke I just read seems appropriate here. "A Tale of Two Whales" Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the male looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago. Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, he says, "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales. The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly. Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore either by swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily, he yells, "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!" Suddenly, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "HEY!" she says, "I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen!" (thanks to Joyce Melton and Martin Young and Bruce Shipman) I think everyone knows the plot just from the title. No surprises there: cop stops a good-looking woman for speeding and a blowjob. This story has touches of humor, but I don't think the author is going to win any points with feminists. And State Police may not be so happy about being stereotyped, either. Nor Polish persons. Okay, I took this story as being all in fun, almost but not quite a send up of its narrow genre. I got a few chuckles, but the sex wasn't really to my tastes and probably isn't to several people I could name. It isn't that I don't like handcuff stories; I mean the bondage in this is light compared to the stuff in at least one of my own stories. Still, if you like the old "pay your ticket on your knees, slut" scenario, you may like this. Oh, and there is one really funny typo. I didn't know that Iowa State Policemen wore skirts as part of their uniforms. Athena (technical quality): 9 (Phrasing sometimes distances the action from the reader. Setting is bare but keeping it that way is probably a choice not a mistake; it helps keep the story moving. No minus for the funny typo.) Venus (plot & character): 8.5 (Plot is standard but characters seem real and human, stereotypes but not cardboard. I got three chuckles out of it. Minus 1 for the old hat plot and -.5 for the "she loves it when she's made to" cliche.) Morgan (appeal to reviewer): 6 (I know I'm tough in this part. I'd judge this to be an 8+ for some people, but what do I know?) Grade for a hypothetical class in writing for ASS would be a "B-" and "Keep writing - your audience will find you" scribbled in the margin. "Moroccan Club" by sweetkaren (sweetkaren@usa.net). Guest Review by DG. As this story opens, the narrator, a young American woman on vacation in Morocco, is sitting in an outdoor square, eating dinner with a recent acquaintance, a charming young local man. The situation as it unfolded over the first few paragraphs was normal and casual enough that I wondered if the story might be true, or at least partially true. The young man invites her to a local nightclub, and she accepts. When they arrive, she notices that the patrons are mostly men, and it turns out to be a strip club. Or, what passes for a strip club in an Islamic country: the dancers start out overdressed and slowly remove their extraneous items of clothing, ending up just fully clothed. Our narrator, having had a few too many drinks, decides she will show the crowd how we do things over in the good old US of A. She hops up on the stage and strips down to just her stockings, to the surprise and appreciation of the culturally disadvantaged male patrons. In fact, the patrons are so appreciative that they fill her every orifice with their rock-hard cocks, bringing her to countless orgasms and finally leaving her outside in an alley, covered from head to foot with a sticky layer of cum and much richer for the memories. So much for the story being true. This story has a cute premise, and is fairly well written. I think it could have been improved by providing more description and buildup for the stripping/sex scene. One paragraph she is having a drink and minding her own business, and the by the end of the next paragraph she is naked with men all over her. I don't want to quibble too much, though: this story was written to be a short, hot romp, not a work of literature, and on that level it succeeds. Ratings for "Moroccan Club" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 6 DG (appeal to reviewer): 8 * "AdventureLand" by Sue. I love theme parks. Disney World in Orlando is an especially romantic place. In this story, a woman manages to get into the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction after everyone else has left it. She masturbates and engages in sexual fantasies with the characters. The punch line is that one of the characters turns out to be the college kid who runs the attraction, and he fucks her and slips away before she realizes that he wasn't part of her imagination. I liked the story a lot. I'm sure there are religious people somewhere who would be repulsed at the thought of a Disney employee taking advantage of an innocent customer; but what the hell - this story takes place in an atmosphere in which the "legitimate" fantasy consists of fun-loving pirates looting villages and gleefully carrying off the female prisoners. When I've taken my kids on that ride, I've often mentally noted that in real life the pirates would have had their sexual jollies with the women they were chasing. Being captured and raped by a pirate probably wasn't as much fun as Disney suggests. In real life Disney employees who have sex with customers who are masturbating with the characters should be fired; just as pirates who rape and pillage should normally be hanged after a fair trial. It was fun to read a story in which a modern pirate took advantage of a damsel. On the downside, you really do have to stretch your imagination to buy into the story. But overall, it was just good clean fun. Ratings for "AdventureLand" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Catty Corner" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I loved this story. So many writers on a.s.s. can describe hot sex; but Sue has the knack of putting it into the context of a really creative story. This one comes with a double whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs watching each other. I just resolved earlier today to be a little rougher in my ratings. I also resolved to give my husband a break from passion tonight. Oh, well; there go my resolutions. (Rating: 10) * "Cocktail Table" by Sue. Sue accepts an invitation to a party from some graduate students who admire her literary work. After the initial fuss over her arrival, everyone sits around in a quiet circle with their hands on their laps while Sue reads "Slippery When Wet" to the group. Everyone gets turned on by the splendid reading, and the spokesman for the group suggests that Sue may want to leave before the ensuing orgy begins. Sue chooses to stay. Actually, Sue tells it better; so read the story. I shall now respond to the one unanswered question in Sue's story: the plural of "clitoris" is "clitorises". Interestingly enough, my spellcheck recognized this plural, even though it failed to recognize "anally," "Sistine," "dominatrix," and "supermodel." I verified this plural in my unabridged dictionary, where the word is found right after "cliticize" (the meaning of which may surprise you) and on the same page with a picture of a cloister. Talk about a screwed up value system! The dictionary defines clit, clitoris, and cliticize (and 101 pages later gives three definitions for cunt, which happen to come right before Mario Cuomo - now there's a coincidence for you), but it gives a picture of a cloister instead of a clitoris! I mean, how many readers in all of history have looked at the definition of a cloister and said, "Damn! I wish I had a picture to clear this up for me!" Sorry about the digression; but Sue did raise the original question in her story. {Well, now that I have already digressed, I might mention that I did a double- take during proofreading - 101 pages of definitions between clitoris and Cuomo? Yes, that's right. Yesterday a prissy student came up to my desk and told me that another student - who was disgruntled over her grade - had called me "the c-word." I asked her to be more specific, but she couldn't utter "the c-word" out loud. She doesn't realize how truly ambiguous her accusation was!} This was a very enjoyable story. I have only one problem with it, and that problem is akin to the play within a play theme that often occurs in Shakespeare. When Sue has six guys shoot their jism all over her body (never mind the cunt juices that are flowing like milk and honey) - when she gets her pastry frosted by six guys at once, whose record is she breaking? (Not mine, certainly!) She compares it to the four guys whose snorkels she cleared in "Slippery When Wet," but that's a work of fiction, and is recognized as such even in the present work of fiction. Sue herself is actually a most demure person who probably isn't even named Sue and almost certainly has not participated in Onan's Olympics with more than two male partners at the same time. So what we have here is a fiction within a fiction and how do we know that even that is not fiction? In other words, that that is not is not that that is. (I was tempted to replace "in other words" with "that is" in the preceding sentence, but then the thought would have become confusing.) Sorry. Even though I am a most cunning linguist I just never had a chance to say that last sentence in a meaningful context before. If you're ever in danger of premature orgasm, try repeating and understanding that sentence, and it will probably keep you from coming at least until your partner catches up with you. Ratings for "Cocktail Table" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Craftsmanship" by Sue. I always save Sue's stories for a time when I'll have time to relish and enjoy her imagery. The writers of many of the previous stories could benefit from reading and imitating Sue's style. (They could also use the occasion for some private foreplay.) In this story Sue makes passionate love to the glass blower, after she (literally) blows a phallus that he later uses to ravage her cunt. Actually, Sue says it better than I did. If you analyze them really carefully, Sue's fantasies probably would make no more sense in real life than those in the previous stories. After all, what sensible girl would want to watch a muscular young man engaged in his trade, then seduce him by having him help her blow and shape a glass phallus, then have him insert that still warm phallus into her well-primed most private parts, then be driven completely out of her mind by a blazing hot orgasm when he inserts the real thing, then suck his gorgeous cock that seems to fit so well into the environs of this shop surrounded by erotic art that her lover has himself produced until he explodes into a gigantic orgasm that she cannot contain? Or what red-blooded guy would take delight in being used in this way by a lewd and lascivious woman, interested in driving her partner into a state of raging ecstasy only because she thinks that he will respond in a way that will contribute to her own self-gratification? For that matter, who would even want to read about such things? Probably only people like those befuddled readers who are tempted right now to cast this review into temporary electronic oblivion and go find this hot, sexy story. But somehow, Sue manages to use words and give rationales that make it all seem worth fantasizing about. Ratings for "Craftsmanship" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Film at Eleven" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). During her vacation in Maine, Sue is invited to visit a sexy couple she met earlier in the day. She agrees to videotape them while they make love. The sex gets really hot, and Sue describes it vividly and in minute detail. At the climax, Sue herself gets into the act by fondling Bart's cock while it's inside Nina's cunt. This makes it possible for Sue also to diddle Nina's G-spot at the same time. And Sue manages to record this entire activity on videotape! Is this activity actually possible? If anyone tries it successfully, let me know - but it sure sounds sexy! Oh - and Sue mistakenly refers to Bart as Gary once. Gotcha! Of course, I've never done that to my husband, but he does call me Sue once in a while in the heat of passion. The videotaping theme provides an excuse for Sue to describe details of the sexual encounter that would normally be superfluous. For example, she describes such things as facial expressions and skin texture of the labia and around the ass. There would be little justification for these descriptions in a normal narrative; but in the context of this story they become quite sensual. (Rating: 10) * "Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com) As we left Sue last week at the end of "Gee Spot Run," Sue had used her erotic fiction as a basis to enrich the fantasy life and masturbation abilities of a repressed housewife. As our story resumes in this sequel, Sue has been invited to Jane's house for dinner, where she meets her husband Dick and a stuffy friend of theirs named Charles. When Jane blurts out that Sue is a writer of erotica, the men scoff at Sue. They think she is merely a Barbara Cartland type. Sue rises to the challenge and offers to read one of her stories out loud, with the agreement that its quality will be measured by Charles's peter meter, which at the time was easily hidden beneath the napkin on his lap. So Sue read from "Louvre Love." Actually, this was a bad choice, since (as we all know) this particular story received a modest rating of 7.5 in Celestial Reviews, whereas most of Sue's stories are 10's. I think "Here Cums Santa" or "To Serve and Protect" would have been better choices. Perhaps Sue made this choice deliberately, to avoid straining Charles's gauge, which probably wasn't capable of registering a 10. To make a long story short, the story works; but alas, Dick dislikes perversion and refers to Sue as a cunning temptress. (Had I been there, of course, he would have referred to me as a cunning linguist. But I think either epithet would fit Sue accurately.) Jane defends her friend's reputation, and soon tendrils of pleasure are racing around Sue's body while Charles begins to fuck her and Jane observes unobtrusively. Enough! You'll have to read the story yourself to find out who comes how often and where and whether Dick finally overcomes his inhibitions and has fun with Jane. This is an excellent story, only minimally reminiscent of the book of the same title that many of us read when we were in the first grade. This story (combined with this review) will be especially useful for cunning linguists or for students whose teachers require them to look up and use a word a day. I mean, in addition to ribald sex, this story is full of tendrils, epithets, and ogling - as well as a vivid reference to the Louvre - which, of course, is located near the Champs Elysee. (Rating: 10) * "Gee Spot Run" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). I consider this story to exemplify what the preceding story was missing. (Note that I have already given the other story a high rating; so don't take this as overly critical of that story.) The big difference is that in this story the protagonists have a *reason* for having sex. When Sue meets a casual friend and gets into a deep conversation, she discovers that the woman is sexually repressed. To help out, she discloses the fact that she is an author of highly regarded sex stories and offers to let her friend read some of them. Sue goes off to take a shower and leaves her friend reading "Craftsmanship," which readers of these reviews will recognize as one of the stories I often cite as an example of hot, well-written erotica. Well, I was right in rating that story a 10; because when Sue returns from the shower the woman is in the throes of masturbation that was instigated by reading the story. The woman is embarrassed, but Sue comforts her thus: "Even when I'm writing the stories, I get so turned-on sometimes that I have to stop typing so that I can reach down and rub my cunt for a big orgasm. And when I read other people's stories, I usually masturbate. I'm sorry that you feel bad about what you were doing, and I'm even more sorry that I interrupted you. So I'm going to leave the room again so that you can finish what you started." But alas, the woman has a learning disability: she doesn't know how to masturbate very well. She feels that the characters in Sue's stories achieve heights of ecstasy that she has never reached. Like a true humanitarian clinician, Sue reluctantly offers further assistance. The two masturbate in each other's presence, and her friend learns by observing the genius at work. The descriptions are hot and vivid. Not only does Sue's friend figure out how to do it right; I also managed to eliminate a few bugs from my own system. (However, there are a few things I could teach Sue too.) This is a really hot story. At the end, we are left with the impression that Sue's friend will probably get over her inhibitions and with the promise that we can find out what happened later by reading Sue's next story, "Fun with Dick and Jane." (Rating: 10) * "Good Grief" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I often hear the refrain, "All those fuckin' stories on a.s.s. are the same!" Every once in a while, I start to believe it and think that I have seen (or read about) everything. Then I run across a story like this to reinforce my belief in creativity. I don't know what I can tell you about this story without ruining the plot for you. The action takes place in a cemetery and in a motel shortly after the funeral of the narrator's close friend. The sex is both tender and hot. You'll just have to read this excellent story to find out the details. Ratings "Good Grief" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by Sue. I don't think Emily Post or Miss Manners has a chapter on orgy etiquette; so maybe this story can fill that void. The premise of this story is that the narrator has invited ten sensuous people (herself among them) to participate in an unorthodox dinner party. The participants will not use their real names, only these nicknames: for the men -- Viking.... Shiny.... Silver.... Tail.... You (the reader).... and for the women -- Gold.... Fire.... Earth... Light... and Me (Sue) . Then she explains that there will be no talk of their occupations, or of the weather. If anyone wants to talk, it must be about dreams and fantasies. The evening is a resounding success. The sex is hot and the images are rich. Read it yourself! "A good time was had by all." (Rating: 10) * "Here Cums Santa Claus" by Sue. This story centers around the visit of the lovely and vivacious Sue (who looks and acts a lot like me, although she apparently has smaller breasts and nipples that respond slightly more slowly than mine do to gentle caresses) to the mall's Victoria's Secret shop at the end of a long day of Christmas shopping. Two libidinous female employees invite her to join the after hours festivities, at which she will become the Christmas present for the mall's Santa. I guess I shouldn't spoil the suspense - but the supposed impostor is the real Santa himself. (This is where Sue departs a little from reality. Her Santa is not circumcised. He was the last time I made love to him.) Sue has a lot of fun with the story, replacing the typical descriptions of sexual activity with terms and metaphors related to the Christmas season. I checked with my word processor's "find" function, and the word "musky" doesn't appear even once; and the only time "rod" occurs is in the middle of "strode," "produced," and "prodigious" - the latter not in its usual context in a sex story! Instead, the aroma emanating from his cock is "the delicate fragrance of apple blossoms and almonds, with maybe a hint of balsam fir." Santa's rotund cock is deliciously sweet and fruity. And Santa's sweet candy cane drives deeply into Sue's fiery open hearth. The only image I found to limp a little was Santa's offer to let Sue ride his North Pole. Of course, like any depraved a.s.s. writer, Sue skirts the moral issue: what about poor Mrs. Claus, waiting chastely at home at the North Pole with all those tiny but horny little elves? Nevertheless, this story managed to get the vision of Santa's "sugar plum" dancing in my head. This story definitely put me into the spirit of things. You'll have to read the story to find out what Santa said as he rose out of sight. Ratings for "Here Cums Santa Claus" Athena (technical quality):10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Into the Woods" by With Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). Try this pickup line the next time you encounter a really attractive blonde: "Are you the Sue who writes erotic stories on the Internet?" If she says yes, then you should proceed to have pleasantly ecstatic sex with her. If she says no, then say, "Do you come here often?" or "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" or "Either smile or slap me if you'd like to have sex with me." In the present story a guy named Dave meets the real Sue in the woods and he tells her that her stories are by far the best on alt.sex.stories - better than all the drivel that's usually posted there. Such exaggeration is understandable, since by this time Dave was interested in getting into Sue's pants or helping her resolve a plot; but Sue's stories are not really quite that good. They're better than 95% of what's posted here and competitive with the very best; but this story is based on Dave's pickup line, and so we'll let his hyperbole stand. So anyway, Dave tells Sue that "Louvre Love" is his favorite among all her stories. This is blatantly silly! Aside from "Life's a Beach," "Louvre Love" is probably Sue's WORST story! Dave's statement is really an insidiously complicated pickup line. He expects Sue to respond with something like, "Louvre Love my Lovely Ass! Let me re-enact a scene from Craftsmanship with you!" By starting with Louvre Love, Dave can eventually get Sue to work through all of her plots that are better than that one, including "Slippery When Wet," "Lab Partners", and "Red Hot". Good Grief! That's right - there's also "Good Grief", "To Serve and Protect" and even "Adventureland", to say nothing of "Coffee Table", "Fun with Dick and Jane", "Film at Eleven", "Lucy in the Sky" or the great withSue stories like "Across the Catty Corner" and "Weekend on the Island." I was right - or at least close! In the middle of the story, Dave and Sue decide to work out the plot for a new story called "Into the Woods," which - surprisingly enough - is this very story that I am now reviewing! Imagine that! Well, actually they act out the basic details, and then I suppose Dave or Sue wrote the full story back at the computer. Ratings for "Into the Woods" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Kachina" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). This is a story about a young woman who travels by water and by hiking and mountain climbing to a beautiful place in the remote wilderness and masturbates there before bedding down for the night in a cave. (Sue adds a few details that make it more interesting than my preceding sentence.) In the middle of the night she is visited by a Kachina - an ancestral Anasazi spirit-god that had come back to life. Hey! What can I say? You're going to read the descriptions of the previous four stories, and then tell me that this one is unrealistic just because a beautiful blonde woman has passionate sex with a man old enough to be her ancestor who comes alive from a painting on a cave wall? Believe what you will. I say, if Peter Pan can have Tinkerbell and if the Greeks can have Zeus and Aphrodite, then Sue can have her Kachina! Sue does an excellent job of integrating the sexual activity with the surroundings and even with a sensitivity to the ancient Native American heritage. This was a very good story. (Rating: 10) * "Lab Partners" by WithSue. Sue was kind enough to send me a copy of this story before she reposted it. When I saw it posted this morning, I was upset, because I hadn't finished it yet. So I dug into the rest of the 24 pages (11,188 words, according to my word count) and was late for breakfast. It was as good as Sue humbly said it would be. (Now I have to put this out of my mind and concentrate on summer school.) The deal here is that Sue loves fantasies and in real life encourages other authors to respond to her fantasies by finishing or adapting her stories. A few paragraphs into the story, I realized that Sue herself was the lab partner working with the two guys. The buildup took a while; but even our anti-Jane- Austen critic would enjoy the result, I think. (I'd really like to know his opinion of this one.) This has to be one of the longest orgasms in a.s.s. history; and I stayed glued to the screen for every minute of it. This may be a chick story - but what a chick! Ratings for "Lab Partners" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Liar, Liar" by SueNH (SueNH@aol.com). About a year ago a person with a warped sense of humor posted a message on a.s.s. stating that SueNH was not a real person but rather merely a front for an alleged money-making scheme of some kind. Sue (who I have reason to believe really exists) wrote this story in retaliation. The protagonist of the story is a man who gets his sexual kicks by hiding in anonymity while making untrue statements about beautiful, lusty women who write hot stories on the Internet. He likes these stories and even jerks off while reading them, but instead of doing something artistic in return, he responds in his uncreative, anonymous, cowardly manner. This makes him feel bigger, more powerful - it provides a kinky sort of sexual turn-on for him. Just thinking about it makes his cock harden in his jogging shorts as he begins his run, and his little nipples get hard and show through his T-shirt as he start to work up a sweat within a block of his house. Shortly after he starts his run, he spots a beautiful woman jogger. He follows her and is eventually astonished to discover that she has stopped at his house and obviously wants to come inside. She enters the house and teases him sexually, eventually binding him to the bed and revealing herself to be SueNH, the very person to whom he had directed his cowardly criticism on the Internet. Sue continues to tease him and brings herself to orgasm several times. She leaves it up to him to decide whether he'll repent and gain genuine pleasure or continue to live his miserable, craven existence. Reality check: This jerk runs five or six miles in about a half hour. I'm in good shape and can't do that - and I'm usually not encumbered by a hard-on. If Sue revises this story, she should either drop the distance to 3 or 4 miles or up the time to 45 minutes. This is an unusual and interesting story. I don't normally like sexual violence, and neither does Sue. But no real harm comes to this asshole, and he deserves the discomfort her gets. People who are familiar with Sue's other stories (many of which are currently being reposted) will enjoy this story the most. Ratings for "Liar, Liar" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sharon and Sue are not only the authors but also the protagonists. They are presented as two really hot, sexy woman who go on vacation together to an island paradise. They meet Tyla, a beautiful black woman, and her friends; and they engage in some raucous sexual festivities. That's really all there is to the plot. It's sort of like those porn movies that none of us admit we watch: a lot of sexual acrobatics tied together with no real plot. There's little character development (other than demonstrating that these really are very sexy people), nor does the author take advantage of the island's atmosphere to add to the intensity of the sex (as did Deidre Ng in "Aegean Interludes" or as would occur in a porn movie presentation of the same material). As long as you're willing to accept the story on these grounds, it's an excellent story. This story is almost the opposite of the previous one. If you're interested in exploring personalities and plot development, this may not be for you; but if you want material to heighten your sexual arousal, this one may do the job. If what you want is hot sex scenes, this story is full of them in enthusiastic, explicit detail. (Rating: 9) * "Life's a Beach" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). This story is not up to Sue's usual high standards. I found it to be hard to focus on the sexual activity in this story - which was the only reason to be reading it - because I was distracted by details and by mistakes in logic and grammar. Part of the problem is that the story is written in the first person. ("I did this... You did that...." ) This is sometimes a useful style, but in this case I was confused by it. For example, when I read at the beginning that the narrator was wearing a skimpy pink bikini and her friend ("you") a skimpy black bikini, I assumed I was reading about two females. As I continued with the story I envisioned one woman giving an erotic massage to another, but then several paragraphs later I came upon a reference to "shooting semen." So I reread the earlier passage and concluded that nothing in the text actually ruled out the theory that the person in the black bikini might be a guy. So I readjusted my thinking and continued reading the story as one about a heterosexual couple. My point is that in some cases, concealing the gender of the characters or springing a surprise like this may be an effective literary technique; but this is not one of those cases. The whole idea of this story is to enable the reader to visualize erotic activities; and here I was over a fourth of the way through the story, before I suddenly realized I had the wrong picture. I guess I would have had the correct picture if I had read Sue's earlier story about the same couple, or if I used my knowledge that Sue is in real life a really sexy blond bombshell; but I really think it is reasonable to expect a story to stand alone. Likewise, I guess I could have inferred the gender of Black Bikini through references to "strong fingers and muscles" - but I've become so liberated lately that I assume that some female lovers have strong fingers and muscles. As another example of confusion, here's a passage from Part 2. {My comments are bracketed like this.} "The cold water had shrunk your cock up much smaller that {= than} usual, and it stuck straight out from your crotch . This contrasted with your balls, which were filled with come {= cum} that had accumulated during your lotioning of my body. {This just isn't the way it works biologically. I don't think Masters & Johnson or any other researchers have ever noted a detectable enlargement of the male scrotum that could be attributed to increased quantities of semen that accumulated during a single session of lovemaking. Actually, this would be an optical illusion. The balls would probably actually *shrink* from the cold; but they would appear larger in comparison to the penis, which would shrink much more rapidly (because that's what penises do - engorge and shrink, engorge and shrink, ad infinitum - or, I suppose, ad minimum). The skin would be stretched tightly because the outer skin of the scrotum would shrink in response to cold much more rapidly than the inner contents of the scrotum, which would remain at a relatively constant temperature. } The skin of your balls was stretched tight and smooth over the swollen eggs. {I guess the balls are the "swollen eggs." But, then, I've never seen an egg swell.} It looked somehow cherubic and beautiful. {Is "it" the skin? I'm just having a hard time envisioning this. I think of people as being cherubic, but skin?} Actually, when I look at that passage with all my jargon thrown into it, Sue's original passage looks a lot better! But I'm pretty sure all that technical stuff is true. (I got an A on the sex chapter in college biology. My husband only got a C; but that was before he met me and we studied engorgement and shrinking together.) A final problem is that Sue doesn't handle the perspective very well. The overall format is similar to a letter to her boyfriend - Sue is reminiscing about what happened on the beach. But she presents some of the details as if this were the first time he had heard about them. For example: "This was one of those beach chairs that has those flexible plastic strips running side to side, forming the seat." The *reader* may need to know this, but the boyfriend would only need to be *reminded* of it. Just changing the sentence structure would solve the problem. Now that I've alienated Sue completely, I might as well add the clincher: The guy "fucked her avaricious cunt." Avaricious means greedy with a strong component of miserliness. What kind of a cunt does this woman have? My own cunt is often voracious, sometimes rapacious, but never avaricious. However, the paper boy did refer to me as an avaricious cunt last year when I forgot to tip him. (Note: It has come to my attention that there is at least one college composition course in the United States in which students are allowed to critique stories they find on the Internet. Yes, the students called the teacher's bluff and brought in some a.s.s. stories; and yes, the teacher did permit them to do so. He apparently treats these stories just like any other literature. What a novel idea! He apparently became suspicious when one of his students read his report to the class and referred to the D&s genre, but he pronounced it jen-ray. Now the professor reads these reviews to check for plagiarism. Anyhow, since some people are getting academic credit for reading this review, I would like to point out that the sentence "Celeste is an avaricious cunt" contains an example of metonymy. It's a much more interesting example than "counting noses." The sentence "Celeste is the goddess of a.s.s." contains either an accurate metaphor or a slight hyperbole.) On the bright side, I think this is a great final paragraph for Sue's story: "I fell asleep wondering whether any of the other people on the beach would walk by during our nap. What would they have seen -- my cunt dripping semen down through the slats of the chair, onto your limp cock, which was coated with streaks of already-dry come -- or would they just have paid attention to the smug and satisfied smiles on our faces?" Unfortunately, Sue has two paragraphs after this one. {Am I a bitch today, or what? I think I may convert to D&s tonight, since I'm already in the femdom mood.} Sue is a much better writer than this. I'll give her the same advice I have given other writers. She should read Sue's "Craftsmanship" and imitate that author's excellent style. The only reason to download this story is so that you'll have a complete collection of Sue's works. It's kinda like "Little Dorrit," which would be completely worthless if it weren't written by the same guy who wrote "David Copperfield" and "Oliver Twist." (I know a great honeymoon joke about Oliver Twist, but I don't want to digress.) But anybody that threw away their original of "Little Dorrit" would rue the day he or she did so. I have enjoyed Sue's stories so much in the past that I feel compelled to add an additional paragraph here. Sue numbers her stories. This was Sue's 8th. "Louvre Love" was her 5th. She's now on her 21st; so this is an old story. According to my ratings, this story marked the end of the blue (weak) period of Sue's writing career. Her next story was "Slippery When Wet" - a 10. In fact, I have reviewed 7 stories written since this one, and the only non-10 was "Adventureland," which received a rating of 8. Assuming my ratings are valid, this is an astonishing rate of improvement. Finally, I would like to tell Sue what I think she should do with this story. Instead of reposting it and some of her older stories, she should either hide them or *revise* them. It is my opinion that too few authors revise their stories; they seem to think that once they've posted a story it's written in stone. (Note the trite but pithy metaphor.) Not so! Among examples that I can think of, the Ng sisters have posted revised stories that have shown considerable maturation of their skills in the revisions. Likewise, Backrub has revised not only his own stories but occasionally those of other writers; and the improvements have been substantial. In addition, the With Sue stories (e.g., "Lab Partners" and "On the Catty Corner") have almost invariably been excellent - largely, I think, because they go through a process of substantial revision. If a writer would go to the trouble of copyrighting a story and publishing it in hardback or paperback with a regular publisher, I could understand the reluctance to change it. But one of the advantages of electronic publication is that it's so easy to make changes. If I ever see this story posted again, I'd like to see it posted as "Sue's 8th Life's a Beach 2.0." The 2.0 would connote radical changes. To prove what an excellent critic I am, I suggest that we all read Sue's next story. If it's another 10 (which is very likely), we'll assume that the "improvement" resulted from my critique. (Rating: 4) * "Louvre Love" by Sue. As I started reading this story, I was impressed. I thought Sue was going to pull off a really erotic story just on the basis of the art in the Louvre. The girl could look at the guy who's getting a hard-on while looking at a painting and start blending her thoughts with his. I said to myself, "I hope she doesn't just have the girl take the guy to the ladies' room and give him a blowjob." Well, they didn't go to the ladies' room; they went to an exotic storage room instead. There's a good porn film by Femme (I don't remember the title; and no, I don't watch a lot of porn) that contains a sequence of a woman and man in a museum, with the woman fantasizing what she'd like to do with the man. I was hoping that Sue would do something similar in this story - bring the protagonists to private orgasms right there in the museum on the basis of the erotic thoughts they derive from the artwork. Actually, I'm probably the only one who would like my version of the story. It must have something to do with those lonely times in high school when the hottest pictures this horny little girl could get my hands on were the art paintings with those sensuous gods and goddesses. Ratings for "Louvre Love" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 * "Lucy in the Sky" by Sue. Sue goes for a short vacation in the Poconos (that's a "holiday" in the mountains, I think, to you British readers) with her old friend Lucy. She is suspicious that Lucy is playing matchmaker - trying to fix her up with a guy. "Naw!" I thought. "Lucy is inviting her to an orgy." (Having met with success in predicting Deirdre's plots, I had decided to expand to more complex cases. This one was simple: they will go to a mountain retreat with Lucy's boyfriend, and the three of them will fuck their mutual brains out in the great outdoors.) I was so close that I'm going to give myself a gold star for that prediction. However, even though I "knew" how the story would end, I found it to be a hot and sexy tale. Sue again shows her ability to write a "rich" story - one with lots of details that appear to sometimes appear to be irrelevant but actually add to the story by developing the personalities of the characters or by setting the physical or emotional environment for the sexual activities. This is not an easy task; it's very easy to drift into extraneous details that distract from the story. Readers don't want an inventory of all the items in the physical environment or an anthropological description of "a day in the life" of the characters; and so it's the author's job to decide what to include and what to exclude. I once received a critical comment from a reader who knocked me for picking on Friar Dave in "Singapore Girl." My correspondent pointed out that he happened to know that what Friar Dave said in that story was all true - the way it "really happened." My reply was that if Friar Dave were writing as an anthropologist or maybe even as an autobiographer, then he should include details that have nothing to do with the focus of the story. However, since Friar Dave was writing a story, he needed to stick more to his focus (as he does in most of his other excellent stories). At any rate, this ability to enrich a story without losing balance is one of Sue's main strengths. Authors who want to enrich their own stories in this way should study Sue's technique. (Sue herself thinks she writes good stories because she's one hot chick with a vivid imagination. Not true! It's because she has an ability to enrich a story without losing balance. Right!) I encountered some irritating formatting problems with this story: (1) I frequently encountered the words "Mail" and "Save as..." at strange places throughout the text. Sue must have some sort of macro with her mailer that interprets quotation marks as these commands. I simply used my global replace function to turn these back into quotation marks, and the story was much easier to read. (2) I noticed that Sue was omitting her apostrophes for possessives and for contractions. On an impulse, I did a search for apostrophes in the story and found nary a one of them. Since I am pretty sure Sue knows about the existence of the apostrophe, I think Sue should check her mailer, which appears to be deleting or altering some punctuation marks. I mention this publicly (rather than in a private note to Sue) because this happens more often than authors may realize. It's a good idea to download your stories yourself to see what they actually look like to your readers. Anyway, I resolved not to "take points off" for faulty apostrophes and quotation marks, but I encourage Sue to look into this when she reposts or archives this story. This is an excellent story. The following sentence contains a subtle grammar problem. Can you tell what it is? "The trail was very rugged, showing little signs of regular use. " Answer: there should not be an "s" on "signs". The phrase should be either "little sign" or "few signs." The present sentence says that there were tiny (little) signs that the trail was used regularly. (Boy! Are my students in for a rough day tomorrow if I don't have an orgasm soon!) (Rating: 10) * "On the Dock" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sue goes off for a solitary vacation in the forests of Maine. Certain that she is alone, she does the furry wild thing solo by the side of the lake and falls asleep. She is awakened by the sound of the voices of a couple who have been observing her from a nearby cabin. She feigns sleep and watches them make love on their dock. Afterwards, they join her with the promise of additional mutually hot sex. Sue does her usual good job of describing sexual activities in vivid detail and of making the sex fit in perfectly with the mood set by the environment. This is another excellent story. Ratings for "On the Dock" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Red Hot" by Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). This story has a build-up that is itself longer than most of the sex stories on this newsgroup. By the time the real sex got started, I felt that I actually knew the participants. Sue serves as an art consultant to an elementary school. She meets with the teachers and principal; and after school she finds it necessary to accompany John (the principal) and two of the teachers (Polly and Michael) to the married couple's house. The chemistry starts to warm up when Michael shows Sue how to improve her technique at cutting zucchini - a vegetable I have never before seen mentioned on this newsgroup. The others eventually discover that this person with them is THE SueNH from the most popular Newsgroup on Internet. John has practically died and gone to heaven, because not only does he lurk on alt.sex.stories (which draws him to Sue), but he also is constantly on the alert for stories and pictures of red-heads (a disability which attracts him to Polly). Fortunately, John is not also attracted to burly, male, Eastern European art teachers; and so the prospects for grouping and groping look good. When someone suggests that Sue could write a story about their gathering, she disingenuously suggests that she needs more hints, and then the orgy ensues. It turns out that red-haired Polly does not object in principle to making it with her principal when she lets her down, and Michael is especially interested in Sue now that he has learned that she is one of the three hottest women on alt.sex.stories. It is only fitting that I end this pun-filled paragraph with Sue's own award-winning statement about Polly as she went to work on John: "Normally he was the principal. Tonight she was the headmistress." And I was so damned pleased with my own humble pun about the orgy ensuing! An interesting element of the story is that Sue several times mentions her own personal distaste for anal sex. She likes to be rimmed, but objects up the ass tend to strike her as painful. {You know, it's really hard to write this paragraph without sounding like I'm making puns! But I'm trying to be serious here.} The effect is really interesting. Sue is actually able to make the story more erotic by mentioning the kind of sex she is NOT having. For some reason the formatting of Sue's story has run amuck. There are no apostrophes at all in the entire story, even though many are called for. In addition, all the beginning quotes have been changed to "Mail" and the end quotes to "Save as...". This is really quite annoying. I am certain that Sue is smart enough not to make these mistakes; but the effect is severely distracting. I suggest that you use a global change strategy to get rid of the "Mail" and "Save as..." problem. Somebody out there must know what is happening. Is everyone getting this mucked up version of the story, or is it the result of some sort of interaction between Sue's system and my AOL system? I suggest this possibility, because I found a similar problem in one other (but not all) of the stories that I downloaded from the postings through AOL this week. If someone can tell me the solution to this problem, I'll post it in a future issue. I suspect that a lot of readers and writers would like to know what to do about this. Ratings for "Red Hot" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Slippery When Wet" by Sue. I was going to read this story late at night and write the review right away, but after a story like that I have to take a break and visit my husband. He's going to wake up with one hot mouth around his cock! This was a truly erotic story. I can't do it justice by trying to summarize it - It's about a girl and a guy who get into the fitness center jacuzzi after closing time. Read the story for the rest. The only part that I didn't like at first was when they let the three college kids join them in the jacuzzi. Actually, I liked that part too; but except for that part, I'd be ecstatic for a chance to do exactly what the two of them did. Sue has one of the best disclaimer's of all the a.s.s. writers: "Reading and writing these stories should be acts of fantasy, and I hope that you can keep your notions of real and fantasy life separate in your mind. I know I can." And so can I! (Rating 10.0) * "To Serve and Protect" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). If you read my review of Sue's "Life's a Beach" in CR 20, you may recall that I theorized that Sue wrote bad stories before her 8th. Well, either she has renumbered the stories or I was wrong. This one (her 6th) is one of her best. Sue is driving down a highway in Maine, mentally reliving some of her recent sexual exploits. The wind and fresh air have an erotic effect on her and her fingers begin to wander. Eventually a police pulls her over because of her erratic (or erotic) driving. The cop is a perfect gentleman, but after he verifies that she's not dangerous and gives her a stern lecture, he does public relations work with Sue - if you know what I mean! They don't call those Maine cops Mounties for nothing. As Sue herself says, "With a cock this big, what need does he have for a night stick! " This is Sue at her best: an excellent build-up plus detailed and graphic descriptions of the actual sexual encounter. If you want an example of excellent punctuation, you should read this story. Likewise, if you're studying the impact of Mayan civilization on the modern world economy you should read this story. You won't necessarily learn a lot about either punctuation or Mayans, but you'll certainly enjoy a good story. (Rating: 10) * "A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). This was recently reposted by someone else as simply "On the Island." Sue has certainly become popular on alt.sex.stories lately. In addition to starring in the previous story and this one, she has reposted several of her own stories in the past few weeks; and she was the central figure in my own "Virtuous Reality." The present story is written in the form of a letter to a minister from his wife, who has been spending the weekend on an island with the assistant pastor and Sue and her boyfriend. I guess you could say that Sue was doing some missionary work, although she was rarely in that position. This story contains a lot of really hot sex between and among the various characters. The most serious problem I encountered was that at one point Ross was staring at Sue with his eyes closed. I think that would be hard to do; but with Sue all things are possible. Since this is a partially religious tract, I suppose it is appropriate to conclude with a partially religious question. Is it more blessed for the pastor's wife to give or to receive head from the assistant pastor while traveling at 65 m.p.h. on the expressway on the way home from the island? Ratings for "A Weekend on the Island" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (Repost by Bookman Archives ). SueNH used to be one of the most prolific and most popular authors on this newsgroup. I have not seen any new writings by Sue in nearly a year. I hope she returns: I find her stories often to be a model of excellent story development. I am also reposting reviews of three more of her stories that have recently been reposted by Bookman Archives. The present story is one of Sue's earliest attempts. It describes Sue having a dream in which her lover is normal size and she has shrunk to the size of a tiny doll - a la "Honey, I Lost the Kids" or (at a higher level of sophistication) "Gulliver's Travels." It may sound difficult for an itty bitty woman to have sex with a huge mother of a guy {note the unusual but legitimate use of the word "mother"}, but Sue does all right, even without full vaginal penetration. This isn't Sue's best story, but it's still interesting. If you want a much sexier story by this author, try "Craftsmanship," which is reviewed below. Ratings for "You Big, Me Doll" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /