Message-ID: <5438eli$9711061725@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: WooF Subject: story: MM "A Dialog Lesson" Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: A DIALOG LESSON by Felix Lance Falkon [there are no restrictions whatever or posting, archiving, copying, or publishing this story] ===================== Morgenstern looked up at Jon's taut-muscled body as the lusty young writer started his first thrust -- but with less than an inch inside, Jon stopped and held himself perfectly still. "What's the matter?" Morganstern asked. "Short fuze," Jon said. "Afraid I'll shoot too soon." "May I make a few suggestions?" asked Morgenstern. "Sure," said Jon. "Go ahead." "Instead of putting your reply in the **same* paragraph as my question, the way you just did in the first paragraph of this story, start a new paragraph for **every* change in who's talking, as I'm doing now." "Uh - why? Morgenstern said, "It makes it lots easier for the reader to tell who's saying what. Like -- in that first paragraph, the reader's not quite sure who said that he's afraid of shooting too soon. Also, it makes for short paragraphs, which are easier to read than screens full of unbroken type -- indenting each paragraph makes the story easier to read too. And since that's the way almost all fiction is written, it's what the reader expects -- and you don't want to distract the reader from what we're doing Right Now." "Okay; what else?" "When you ask a question in dialog, put the question mark or exclamation point **inside* the quote marks, and when you do, you don't need a comma too. Like this: see?" "Oh." Jon took a deep breath, went another inch deeper. "And -- did you say you had more suggestions?" "Yup." Morgenstern met Jon's next thrust with a wiggle and a squirm. "When you have a bit of dialog that **doesn't* end with a question mark or an exclamation point, and **is* followed by `he said' -- or `he asked' or `he replied' -- then use a comma -- **inside* the quotation marks -- like this. Use a period -- inside the quote marks -- only when you don't have a `he said' -- or `asked' or the like following the quote marks." Jon said, "Oh. I think I understand." "Three more things: Don't feel that you have to reach for substitutes for `said' for your speech tags -- using `observed' or `responded' or `intoned' is more distracting than the simple `he said,' with an occasional `he replied' or -- for questions, `he asked.' Use `whispered' or `growled' **very* sparingly, and only when you're giving the reader additional information that the context doesn't already make clear." "And the other two things?" Jon asked. He was breathing harder now, and going deeper with every stroke. "One way to break up the monotony of `he said' `he said' `he said' is to leave off the speech tag entirely -- but only when it's perfectly obvious who's speaking. With just the two of us, and you asking questions and me answering them, we can go for about three paragraphs without confusing the reader. "And if one of us talks for more than one paragraph at a time -- like I'm doing now -- leave off the end-of-paragraph quote marks until the **last* paragraph," Morganstern said as he locked his legs around Jon's waist. "You still need opening quotes at the **start* of every paragraph of a multi-paragraph speech like this one. "The other way to break up that monotony -- and remember that the reader isn't really going to notice so long as the rest of the story is interesting -- is what we're doing right here." Morgenstern felt Jon's muscles tighten, felt him go in to the hilt with every stroke. "In the same paragraph with some in-quotes dialog, step out of the quoted part and put in something -- like me getting turned by feeling that you're getting close -- that advances the plot at the same time that the writer establishes who is saying what's within the quote marks." "Yeah? Well, I think this is a really **weird* time to make with a grammar lesson. Hey! I even noticed how you're using single quotes inside the double-quote marks." Morgenstern felt a grin spread across his face. "Well, it kept you going, didn't it? Instead of going off too soon, the way young studs like you usually do when they're riding a sexy hunk like me, you've been riding me for -- Hey! Slow down -- you're almost there!" "Yeah -- I -- noticed," Jon gasped, went rigid, then slowly, slowly relaxed. "I was pumping along okay until you reminded me just what we're doing, and all of a sudden it was too late to stop." He panted for a moment, then said, "I bet you couldn't give a lesson like that with you on top." "I can so! Where did I put my stuff? I always carry a few in my pocket, and I gotta put one on before we . . ." "Don't worry -- I got a supply in my bureau. Let me check." Jon straightened his arms, looked down at their still-linked bodies, and said, "Yeah -- as thick as you are, `extra large' oughta fit you just right." ============================================================ -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /