Message-ID: <5273eli$9710301657@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Celeste801@aol.com Subject: {ASS} Celeste's Top 20 Stories - October, 1997 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <971030152159_192525484@mrin41.mail.aol.com> Celeste's Top 20 Stories - October, 1997 Note: Even though guest reviewers write the posted reviews of some of these stories, I read any story that I think may be eligible for a monthly or annual award. I personally take responsibility {and blame} for these lists. If someone else wants to publish an alternate list of awards, that's fine with me. Second Note: Since many readers would like to read the top stories for each month, I would appreciate it if authors would repost as many of these stories as possible. You may wish to repost the stories in alt.sex.stories.moderated, as well as in alt.sex.stories. If you wish, you can label them as Celeste's #x for Oct: Name of Story. Third Note: I have had great success finding these stories on the World Wide Web by using the Deja News Server (www.dejanews.com). In addition, most of these stories have been posted and archived through alt.sex.stories.moderated. You can even find past issues of my reviews through these services. Fourth Note: To be eligible for my Top 20 List for any month, I have to have read the story for the first time that month and reviewed it in CR. Therefore, reposted stories whose old reviews I repost are not eligible (unless they are substantially revised), but an "old" story that comes to my attention and is reviewed for the first time would be eligible. If anyone else wants to post a "rival" Top 20 list, feel free to do so. You can even include my reviews, if you don't want to write your own. Final Note: This was an exceptionally good month. I have had to bump from this list stories that in other months would have been listed among the Top Ten. - Celeste Here's this month's Top 20 List: 1. "The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM 2. "JAVA" by Mandible 3. "Identical Twins" by Mike Hunt 4. "Costumes" by Lord Malinov 5. "The Bitches Upstairs" by Mandible 6. "A Souvenir of War" by Mandible 7. "Truckstop" by The Bear 8. "Your Wish" by Kim 9. "Falling Into Grace" by Caintigern O'Niall 10. "Conjugation" by Uther Pendragon 11. "A Footsie Game" by Unknown Author 12. "The Reluctant Bride" by Mike Hunt 13. "Back Door" by Vicki Tern 14. "Weekend" by losgud 15. "The Virgin Mary Maguire" by Deidre Ng 16. "All This for Only 79 Cents?" by The Bear 17. "Xena: The Blood of the Beast" by Unknown Author 18. "Eruption" by Lord Malinov 19. "The Forgetful Husband" by Tom Bombadil 20. "SPAM CONTEST" by Taria Here are this month's reviews in alphabetical order: "All This for Only 79 Cents?" by The Bear (thebear@io.com). Like the preceding story, this one is an entry in Malinov's spam title contest. The idea seems to be to find a spam line in a.s.s. and then to write a story to go with that title. This is the best entry I've seen so far. A married man sneaks into a sex shoppe to buy a cheap magazine. Finding there is no such thing, he purchases a postcard for 79 cents (including tax); but then the only other customer in the store has a seizure or something. While the rescue workers are coming for that poor wretch, the woman from upstairs comes down to give that man the blowjob for which he has paid. Since nobody knows any better, Our Hero accepts the blowjob and goes home. Hence the title. This is a very creative little story. "Back Door" by Vicki Tern (VickiTern@aol.com). When this author sent me this pre-publication copy of her story, she sent a cover letter, in which she also commented briefly on my discussion in CR 223 of the come/cum usage. She said, in part: "{This} means that your discrimination is original, and close enough to usage to be a genuine contribution to lexicography. Your codification is better than original, brilliant in fact." I mention this humbly in passing. I assure you that this sort of blatant ass-kissing can never turn my head, and it is mere coincidence that I happened to choose her story to review tonight rather than one of the other 157 stories in my queue. Likewise, her comments did not influence my ratings of her story in the least. I can't be bought - at least not that inexpensively! How do Vicki Tern's characters get into these situations? Alvin has had a little too much to drink. He went upstairs to lie down, passed out, and then awakened to a pleasant sensation, which he eventually discovered was Dan, his well endowed host, fucking him in the ass. Alvin's wife is upset, but Dan's wife takes it all in stride and offers comfort. And by the next evening Alvin is pretty well along the way to becoming Allie, one of the three women who will share their asses with Dan and their affections with one another. It sounds silly when I describe it, but the author makes it sound so plausible! A basic assumption on a.s.s is that almost all women can enjoy getting it on with another woman. I am an almost obnoxiously happy heterosexual who has never had sex with another woman and probably never will, but I believe the assumption stated in the previous sentence is accurate. If all you're interested in is pleasure, what difference could it possibly make what gender is attached to the lips, fingers, tongue, or other accouterment that is bringing you to orgasm? I think the same logic applies to men: almost all men can enjoy getting it on with another man. If all you're interested in is pleasure, what difference could it possibly make what gender is attached to the lips, fingers, tongue, or other accouterment that is bringing you to orgasm? Don't you heterosexual men like it when a woman is rimming your asshole and plunges her finger into your anus right when you're about to come? Don't you sometimes wish that she would plunge it all the way in, just as you're coming, so that your spasms would not only shoot cum out of your penis but would also eject that tubelike projectile from your anus? What if the woman did this to you while you were blindfolded? And what if when the blindfold was removed you discovered that she was actually a man? Would the enjoyment you already experienced become any less? This is not to say that everybody "is" or "should be" bisexual. It's just that almost all of us could probably enjoy homosexual as well as heterosexual activity if we had a mind to give it a fling. The fact that there are probably plenty of good reasons NOT to do so in real life doesn't mean that we shouldn't enjoy the fantasies. Obviously, the difference lies in conditioning; and conditioning makes a real difference. The fact that heterosexual men are so strongly conditioned to object to homosexual contact apparently presents to men a more serious impediment to their enjoyment of homosexual activity than there is for women. And so men usually don't like stories with m/m contact. I think this one may be an exception. "The Bitches Upstairs" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). This one is listed as "BITCHES" on its title line, but its real title is "The Bitches Upstairs." That's not the only thing about this story that is kind of hard to explain. The narrator and his roommate Gene call the girls upstairs the Bitches, because they are haughty and beautiful. You see - bitches try to put you in your place. If you get in a subordinate place when they put you there, you are a wimp as far as they are concerned. If you notice them but don't seem to care much, they are offended and try to attract you. If you become attracted, you can then be put in your place. An easy assumption of superiority usually works wonders on them. Our narrator has acted as though he'd just come from visiting a chick way better than them, and barely noticed them. So he is one leg up on them, so to speak. So one day after Gene has gone home for vacation the phone rings and a sexy voice tells him, "If you can get up here in five minutes with a pitcher of margaritas, you can have a blow job." He declines of course; but then since it is impossible to decline cum (see first note at the beginning of this issue) he hauls ass upstairs, but discovers that it is a prank. But then all three Bitches make it up to him. This is an improbable but delightful story. "Conjugation" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.nyx.net). The conjugation of a verb lists its forms by person, number, and tense. For example, I am, you are, he/she/it is, etc. The derivation of the word "conjugation" comes from the Latin for "to join together," and the term is used with this meaning in various areas of science. Strictly speaking, this story (or poem, if you wish) is not a conjugation. Instead, the author takes several different verbs and combines them with he, she, and they to describe the sort of things a man and a woman might do while they are in the process of joining together. One of the interesting things about this story is that the phrases can be read as either couplets or triplets, resulting in slightly different impressions. Try it: it's fun. Or record it, and play it back at interesting times. Or record it in French.... This piece is really quite delightful at what it does. It's just not designed to tell a traditional story. "Costumes" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). The author does an excellent job making the lewd and lovely, lithe and lascivious Diana seem eminently fuckable long before the real action commences. Rarely a day goes by when Diana doesn't surprise the narrator, and today she has decided to brighten their daily ambiance with a simple but tasty - er, tasteful - orgy. However, the main action occurs in her retelling of her first multiple-partner debauchery, while the narrator stimulates her to orgasm. In fact, if you are currently taking a course where you are required to report on a story that runs parallel to the Canterbury Tales, this one might be a good selection. The tail within a tale takes place at a Halloween party during which inhibitions have disappeared and people are using sexually explicit tactile clues to guess the identities of the still-masked people. As usual at such fictional parties, a good time is had by all. The titillation of sex with known-but-unknown sexual partners is extremely well done. The author has orchestrated an orgy in a manner that would make Mark Aster and the Allen Sisters proud to participate. "Eruption" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). This is one of those rare stories that contain the word "azure." This is not really a sexually explicit story; I think it could be published in a mass-circulation magazine. It's essentially about a man and a woman conversing about the music the man is writing to go along with a friend's lyrics. The friend is the woman's lover, and although the man is hot for the woman, all the sex in the story is merely innuendo about what she and the lyrics writer do together in his mad passion. Nevertheless, this is a very good story. "Falling Into Grace" by Caintigern O'Niall (Caintigern@deathsdoor). Grace goes to a festival with her boyfriend, who is a bit of a possessive jerk. During a lull in the action, her eye falls upon Phylicia, and the result is mutual love at first sight. Grace lacks experience with same-gender sex, but she learns quickly from the more adept Phylicia. The story is very well written. The non-sex dialogue and descriptions add to the atmosphere, but they are not overdone. And the sex is just plain hot. "A Footsie Game" by Unknown Author (reposted by who@why.not). Guest review by Mark Aster. {If anyone recognizes the author of this story, I would certainly like to know who it is - Celeste.} Whenever I see a story reposted with no author given, I wonder immediately how that happened. A few stories are originally posted that way, of course, by authors who don't want even pseudonymous fame, or direct reader feedback. But more often, I think, the author information gets lost in the long chains of reposting that happen to all stories in our genre (and especially to the good ones). That's better, I suppose, than someone changing the authorship to themselves! Still, if you post someone else's story, do make sure you leave all author and contact information on it. (This is not to imply that who@why.not is the one who snipped the authorship in this case; I have no doubt it happened sometime earlier on.) Anyway! This is a fun short-short in which the narrator and his probable future sister-in-law have a hot and nicely-described tryst under the table at an engagement dinner, surrounded by family members who have no idea what's going on. This is a kind of "footsie" that I had never imagined! The footsie games that I have described, or been privileged to take part in, have involved just feet and shins and calves, perhaps a knee or a thigh. They are sexy because they're hidden, because all contact is sexy, and because, in general, they suggest that more private and full-body contact is to follow later on. They do not result directly in orgasms! But this narrator and the lovely woman across the table from him are more imaginative, and more flexible, than that, and this footsie game involves not only feet and legs and thighs, but also a moist and receptive pussy, and a hot and rigid cock. Two very convincing (if, strictly speaking, anatomically unlikely?) orgasms ensue, and they are all the sexier because they follow a long erotic buildup, and because the two must keep their climaxes reasonably well concealed, to avoid inconvenient questions from their tablemates. I'd probably give this story something like an 8 for perfectly fine writing, an 8 for plausible characters, and a 10 for appeal. But I'm an indifferent grader! There's something very sexy about innocent but forbidden sex, sex between friends, sex almost in public, the footsie under the table, the quiet hand-job in the airline seat, the kiss of lips against labia under the conference table, in the darkness of her neat wool business skirt, her thighs squeezing your cheeks as she tries not to gasp, the taste of clandestine juices... Excuse me, I have to go now! "The Forgetful Husband" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This author usually gets nearly perfect ratings from me, but as I started this story, I shook my head and felt my pussy. It was dry. My pussy, that is. The story was too slow - all shopping and talking and no sex. And besides, I knew exactly where the story was going: the man had apparently forgotten their wedding anniversary, but he was going to surprise her with a romantic evening and blissful sex. I mean, this was alt.sex.stories, not alt.sex.shopping, wasn't it? Well, the story DID go where I thought it would, but there were a few interesting twists when we got there. It turned out that the slow pace at the beginning made the hot stuff later on seem hotter. This turned into a very sexy, romantic story. "Identical Twins" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). Sometimes I wonder where Mike Hunt gets his ideas for these stories; then I remember - these things all really happened to him. It must be really easy to write titillating stories when your life has been just one long series of barely interrupted sexual escapades. In this episode, Mike Hunt has gone to a business meeting in LA, but he picks up the wrong luggage at the airport. His wife June calls to tell him that a woman at another hotel has his suitcase, which is identical to his (hence the title). When he takes a cab to the other hotel to switch luggage, he discovers that the person with his luggage is a beautiful woman with a sister who looks exactly like her (hence the title). To make a long story short (which is the purpose of a synopsis), the women are strippers in town for a show; but Mike Hunt ruins one set of their clothes, and so he has to join them in a modified act during which he has sex with them on stage in front of the Royal Order of the Beaver. This is Mike Hunt at his charming, witty best! "JAVA" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). Would YOU read a story that began like this? "Her face glowed with humor and love as a smile played across the corners of her lips. Her left eyebrow popped up and down like a sleepy cat's tail and she tossed light brown hair out of her face with quick little shakes. Her eyes were big and brown and shone with excited good humor as she laughed and gave a little shrug which shook her impudent breasts. She was so average you'd never notice her, until you saw the smile. It was million-dollar stuff, a light that glowed from inside the girl herself, turning her generic face into a Real Person. That intent gaze, that would catch any man and freeze him for a moment if it was turned on him ...." I would LOVE to be able to use that paragraph with my students as an example of how to catch a reader's attention; but somebody would ask where I got it - or, more likely, one of my students would KNOW where I got it, because he had just read this story the night before while he was looking for CUM-SEEKING VIRGINS WITH BIG TITS. Anyway, she's not looking at anybody - just at a computer screen. She's in a chat room, and the narrator, who is seated at a nearby computer, gets the sudden inspiration to find out which room and to seduce her. He carries out his plan, and she's just as hot as he thought she was! READ THIS STORY!!! As you know, I have posted my reasons why I do not engage in Cybersex. A recantation may be in order. "The Reluctant Bride" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). As I read this story, I suspected a forgery. The bride's dress was stylish: "The bodice was quite low cut, but a wide needlepoint bobbinet covered the swell of her breasts which would have been otherwise on display." Stylish bodice... needlepoint bobbinet... Mike Hunt my ass! But while demonstrating that the dress is convertible, the bride to be of Mike's friend Brian sheds her inhibitions and her clothing - and at this point I agreed that this was indeed the Real McCoy. This story is not all that hard to summarize. Remember how on those old "Dragnet" shows Sergeant Friday and his partner would engage in a dialogue that was essentially a verbatim chapter from an anti-crime textbook? Well, this is Mike's chapter on "The Sanctity of Marriage: Or What Goes Around Cums Around." Actually, that would have been a much better title: "The Reluctant Bride" sucks - literally. Anyway, Mike is a member of the wedding party; and as the hour of the wedding approaches, he humps the bride. Repeatedly. And all in the name of the sanctity of marriage. "The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). Accustomed to the friendly variety of sex in a typical small town in the British Isles, Our Narrator has moved to London, where the risks are greater and hence the pickins are slimmer. Masturbation is no long-term solution, she says; it's like living on bar snacks. So she commutes back home for sex on weekends - until she meets Liam, which, incidentally, was John Wayne's name in "The Quiet Man," in which he returned from the United States to Ireland and beat the snot out of whoever played Maureen O'Hara's brother before they boinked happily ever after. Ah, theirs was a lust "as beautiful as a horse galloping up a hill on a bright morning, as the big breaker that throws you onto the beach. Beyond horny. Almost as pure as love." And then they fucked like magpies in heat - Bronwen says like a runaway train, but I know a better simile when I hear one. Thereafter, weekend followed weekend. Nearly every weekend they ran into each other. Never, not once, did they arrange to meet. But they met just the same. He drank too much, he owned nothing, he had a child he never saw. His life was without form, their talk was shallow. But sex with him was like a country western song in a pickup truck at a bus station - or like a fire burning, to use the author's more prosaic words. So how do we get from there to the last three lines: "Oh, love, you were a sad, bad man but I for one will never forget you. And you taught me one vital lesson. Always wear your heart on your sleeve. That way, at least it's legible." I guess you'll just have to read the story to find out. This is the best Bronwen story I have seen so far. And that's saying a lot. "A Souvenir of War" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). I had read my first-ever Mandible story, and it was good. But then I figured maybe he had got lucky. I figured this because my grammar guide says never to say "gotten" - and also because the story I had read was about him getting lucky. So I figured I should read another story by this author. Well, one thing's for sure. Mandible is not a one-dimensional writer. This story is the ultimate rape story. As I read this story, I kept saying to myself, "The writing is interesting, but he's not explaining this very clearly." Then in the second-last paragraph everything became perfectly clear. This is another excellent story. "SPAM CONTEST" by Taria (TariaT@aol.com). The job of the protagonist in this story is to promote spam; but the catch is that he works for Mr. Hormel himself. For those of you who don't know, Spam is the "meat" product that gave its name to the unwanted garbage that clutters your email boxes and newsgroups - not vice versa. Anyway, it seems that Mr. Hormel can't understand why he has been so vehemently rejected on the Internet. The story contains no sex - except by very indirect innuendo; but it's still a very legitimate and creative entry for Malinov's contest. I certainly enjoyed it! "Truckstop" by The Bear (thebear@io.com). This author is different from the other Bear, who has also authored several well-written stories. This New Bear wants to make sure we distinguish him from the Old Bear, whose stories have included sex with teenagers and children. The current Bear wants to make it clear that he's not into that sort of thing. The present story takes place in the general area of Sulfur Springs, Texas, which is the Mecca of smut writers throughout the world. More dirty thoughts and imaginary orgasms have occurred per square food of inhabitable space in Sulfur Springs than perhaps anyplace else outside of Great Britain. Amy is a businesswoman who pulls into a lonely truckstop for a bite to eat. The only other customer mistakes her for a hooker, and she decides to play the role. She gives him his money's worth and then some. "The Virgin Mary Maguire" by Deidre Ng (DeidreNg@aol.com). As you may recall, I try to be an egalitarian person. That means I don't like to perpetuate stereotypes, especially about people who are oppressed by society. This is why I occasionally object to stories that picture black men with "monster cocks" or white women who can think of nothing better than to get one of those black monster cocks inside them. As I began this story, I faced a problem of religious prejudice. I don't mind if people poke fun at the Amish or the Jehovah's Witnesses, but I draw the line at Catholics and Jews - Orthodox Jews, at least. In fact, I have in my files an email message from Mother Angelica in which she praises me for upholding the reputation of nuns in this newsgroup. So what we have here is a basic moral dilemma. This is a cute little story about a perverted little slut who is apparently possessed by a sexual demon that makes her seduce just about everybody she cums in contact with. I enjoyed the story, but goodness knows - the pope and his friends have enough problems nowadays without having to worry about their Church being slammed on a.s.s. by an Oriental American with a devilish sense of humor. What with the pedophile priests - Aha! There's the answer. This is actually a DEFENSE of the Catholic priesthood - the priest may have his nose buried in the Virgin Mary Maguire's virginal but distinctly unchaste panties, but at least he's engaging in a good, healthy, heterosexual perversion! Gag me with the Virgin Mary Maguire's cum-stained panties that have just been sliding into her asscrack if this story doesn't deserve an award from the Catholic Defense League! "Weekend" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). Guest review by Kim. This story can, more or less, be described as a plain an' simple fuck-fest. The two combatants are Robert and Tracy, his sister-in-law. Supporting characters are Robert's wife Sue, and his mother-in-law, Maud, though neither plays what might be considered a significant role. Written in the first person, from Robert's point of view, it tells of a normal monthly family visit to his mother-in-law's. On arrival, Robert finds the luscious Tracy also visiting. Almost immediately the two wannabe lovers are groping and kissing, hiding behind plants and the like. Which is kind of strange, because Robert spends the first few paragraphs telling us proudly of his love, desire for, and loyalty to his wife Sue, and his complete faithfulness since their marriage of fifteen years. Quite why he should suddenly flip-out over his sister-in-law is never made exactly clear, other than she is one hot babe, of course. After some carefully staged ruses to get the two of them together, outside the house, they go at it like sex-starved rabbits. In the car, in the mall parking lot, in a pet superstore, and all points in between. They stagger back home and somehow manage to keep their hands off each other in the presence of the rest of the family. Later poor Brian is persuaded to drive Tracy home to her own flat and armed with a legitimate excuse gets to stay awhile. The sex that follows is titanic in it's intensity and sustained creativity. After reading it I too felt well and truly fucked. It was an exhausting experience, I can tell you. I've mixed feeling about the story. On the one hand it makes no attempt to explain just why these two should go crazy for each other, and just why Robert would jeopardize an idyllic marriage to an equally sexy lady. On the other hand the writing is excellent, the sex is awesome, and I think screw the implausibility - just lets have some more honest to goodness sex. It blew me away. Fine job losgud, fine job. "Xena: The Blood of the Beast" by Ray Antonio, posted by Dungeon Master (dungeon@dngnbbs.com). Guest Review by Piper. What happens when you mix Xena, a corrupt government, slavers, evil warlords, a kidnapped princess, some wizards, and a fortress floating on the back of a giant turtle? You get madness, mayhem, and a story worthy of becoming a movie of the week. This is the last, the longest, and the best of this batch of Xena stories. It's almost as long as all the others put together. At the same time, it's as good as all the others put together. The author states that this story is set after Hercules defeats Xena and puts her on the path to goodness, and before Xena meets Gabrielle and gains a traveling companion. So, no Gabby. Instead, Xena hooks up with one of the kidnapped princess's personal guard. He's young, tall, well-built, and good looking (of course). He's also striking out on his own to try and rescue the princess. Naturally, Xena decides to help out. Technically, this is a very tight story. I was hard-pressed to find any typos or misused words. Even the English usage, while sometimes not as sharp as it could be, is still better than the average a.s.s. posting. The only thing this story lacks is a lot of sex. What there is fits in well with the plot and storyline, and in my opinion, forcing more in would actually intrude. There is lots of sexual situations and innuendo, of course, and a fair dollop of NC stuff (what else would you expect from slavers) to keep you titillated. This lack, in my opinion, is not a deficiency for this story. Instead, there is detail, plot, character development, angst, anticipation, and fun. A great read for people who happen to like adventure stories that actually contain story. "Your Wish" by Kim (kim@nym.alias.net). I suspect that some people who read this story will think of the author as standing on a tall building with a high powered rifle. Kim and Anne have decided to exchange sexual instructions via email. First we hear the challenge Anne poses for Kim. It involves a vibrator, Kim's boyfriend, and some difficult but enjoyable positions. Then Kim takes her shot at Anne. To make a long story short, Kim's demands are rather severe; and so Anne's next set of instructions requires Kim to make up a list of hooker prices at which she will offer herself to her boyfriend. That is, she must list several services, including some she doesn't really think she wants to do, and will charge Ron more for those things. I think you can see where this is going.... I approve of this story. They used K-Y at the right times. This is a very sexy story. I have written elsewhere about my own attitudes toward cybersex. Simply stated, I don't do cyberlove. My feeling is that I have a monogamous relationship that I value with my husband. There's something special and even sacred about this relationship, and neither of us is allowed to risk ruining it by wandering into other relationships. Cyber-romances are obviously different than direct relationships, but I would never really know for sure whether the person on the other end of the cyber-romance expected the same things that I wanted from the relationship or whether I might be ruining a relationship I didn't even know about. Besides, "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." That is, what I have is great, so why risk it? On the other hand, reading sex stories and communicating with the authors poses no problem for me because the relationship between a reviewer or reader and an author is different than that between two participants in a romantic tryst. And so I merrily go about my life, having occasional orgasms at the computer, greeting my husband with a shit-eating grin on my face, and waking him up in the middle of the night to fuck his brains out when one of these stories really gets me going. Kim's story explores the positive possibilities of a view different than mine. It's a very good story. Is it realistic? I'm sure it is. Is it dangerous? I think so; but danger can be fun. I simply enjoy different types and levels of danger than Kim does. Is Kim's way better than mine? Gimme a break. Different people have different backgrounds, needs, and interests. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /