Message-ID: <4397eli$9709271727@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: SLong56586@aol.com Subject: Q-tie Pie 1/? (st:tng; tg) Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <970927152117_1865663305@emout02.mail.aol.com> Please accept my latest effort for posting. This is a parody of the character of STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. All rights to this characters belong to Paramount Studios. This parody is not meant in any way, shape, or form meant to be an infringement upon those rights. This story is meant to be a replacement of sorts for a MIB (MEN IN BLACK) parody which I was writing a posting in the moderated story news group. That story has been picked up by Sapphire's Channel, and I encourage you to subscribe to that fine service, and follow that story. Please E-Mail me regarding this story, and whether I should continue it, writing additional parts, or just "bag it!" I look forward to your comments. Q-tie Pie It was near the end of "A" shift. Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise was just in his "ready room" going over a few changes in the duty roster. He reflected on how bored he was with their current assignment: charting gaseous anomolies near the border of Breen space and Federation space. The Breen were an extremely war-like species, that operated organic, living spaceships. Their close proximity had prompted Star Fleet Command to assign a Galaxy-Class starship, such as the Enterprise, to complete the mission, rather than a science vessel. The mission was vital, because it was discovered that the organic ships of the Breen could hide in gaseous anomolies and be completely undetectable by conventional sensors and probes. The drift of a gaseous anomolie by solar winds, could bring it within range of populated Federation planets. Star Fleet Intelligence had worked out that scenario as one of the ways the Breen could launch an offensive against the Federation. Current projections had the chance of success of such a scenario at 95%. Admiral Thomas wanted all anomolies charted as a precaution against an attack. Therefore, he decided to dispatch the flagship of the fleet......the Enterprise. Such an honor and prestige did little to help with the feeling of boredom and restlessness gripping the crew. They had been at this for nearly two months. Even his senior staff, Riker, Data, Crusher, Troi, and La Forge were becoming edgy and irritable. Charting gaseuos anamolies was long tedious work, and only interesting to a few select scientists. That work, coupled with a 24-hour yellow alert, due to the proximity of the Breen, meant long hours for everyone. Still they had not even gotten a sensor scan of a Breen ship since they had gotten here. Captain Picard almost wished for some action, maybe even the Borg, to break the monotony. Captain Picard should have known, "Be careful what you wish for..........." There was a bright flash of light from the corner of the his ready room. Captain Picard quickly glanced in that direction, and instantly saw a familiar figure standing there. Q. He hailed Captain Picard with his usual, sarcastic greeting, "........mon Capitan?" It had been quite some time since Picard had seen Q. Abscence had not made the heart grow fonder. Whenever Q was around, trouble was sure to follow. Picard answered. "What do you want now Q? As you can see, I'm very busy. I don't have time for your usual games!" He tried to sound stern. "You wound me my friend. Can't an old pal pop' in to say hello' to another old pal? Besides, it looks like you could use some excitement around here. This place is like a morgue!!" Q replied. "We are on a very important mission, one that requires my full attention. I don't have time for your excitement' or this banter." There was a flash of light. Q dematerialized, only to rematerialze a split second later in the chair in front of Picard's desk. Picard hated it when Q did that. It probably explained why Q did it. He responded to Picard's last statement. "Please Jean-Luc, this is Q you are talking to now. Do you really expect me to believe that? We have been through to much for that. You need me to liven things up around here." Picard grew angry now. "No I do not. It is very dangerous out here with the Breen. This requires my full attention. Now if you'll just go." Q laughed. "Go? Go? You must be jesting Jean-Luc. I don't intend to go until I bring you out of your funk. Your just not your old jolly' self. Besides this mission is hardly a measure of your command skills. You could just mail this one in. Even a Yeoman could command this mission!" Now it was Picard's turn to laugh, albeit contemptously. "What would you know about command. You can't even command your own exitence, such as it is. I am contantly pulling you out of scrapes, and saving you from yourself. Q, you couldn't command this mission!" "That really hurts Captain. You know that I could, and probably better than you. The skills of a Q are superior in all repects to that of an ordinary human. That includes command skills. Commanding this mission would be child's play." Q threw back at Picard with just the slightest bit of venom. Sensing an advantage, Picard pressed, "Q you could not even last 1 star date in command before you fell apart. You would be begging for advice." There was another flash of light. Now Q was dressed in a Star Fleet uniform with a Captain's pips on the collar. "Very interesting, Jean-Luc. This sounds like the beginning of a firm wager. I'll take that bet, and wager that I can command this mission without any incident." Picard smiled. "Now why would I want to turn command of this ship over to you Q?" "Because Captain, I promise that if I cannot command this mission, than I will never set foot on your ship again, nor will I ever bother you or any of your crew." "What good is your promise?" Q sounded indignant. "Captain, you know from dealing with the Continuim in the past that, we may be many things, but we are not liars. We Q do keep our word." Picard thought about it. This was interesting...a way to get rid of Q for good. He glanced at the status reports. There was nothing out there, nor was there likely to be anything out there. The risk was minimum. Picard knew Q. There would be some small problem that would confound him, that he wouldn't be able to command his way out of. He had to stack the bet a little more to insure success. "If I take this bet Q, the rules would be quite simple. No use of your Q powers whatsoever. You have to rely on your command skills alone. If you use your Q powers in any way, shape, or form, you lose the bet. You can never step foot on my vessel again, nor bother me or my crew ever again. Those are the rules, is that acceptable?" "It is Jean-Luc. Its a bet then. When do we start?" "As soon as you walk through those ready room' doors you can no longers use your powers" "I agree Captain. Now how will you turn over command to me?" Picard smirked now. "It doesn't matter. You can choose the method. Your own arrogance has already beaten you. The crew will never follow you, no matter how I turn over command. I could even order them to obey you, and they wouldn't. They have no respect for you." "Perhaps you are right, Jean-Luc. However, it is you who have been undone by arrogance. You stated that no powers can be used once I step outside the door. Well we have not yet stepped outside that door. I will correct the situation so that I will automatically command their respect." There was a flash of light that always accompanies Q's use of his powers. In another split second there was an exact duplicate of Picard standing right in front of Picard's eyes. It was eerie, like looking into a mirror. Except, this reflection moved independently of Picard. It had on Picard's uniform, and moved with his mannerisms and gestures. "Q?" Picard asked, tenatively. "Of course it is me mon Capitan!! Who else would it be??" Q spoke in a perfect imitation of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, down to the tone, accent, and inflection of words. This was amusing to Picard. "That will hardly work. Others will be able to tell the difference, especially Troi. How do you propose to fool her?" "Captain....you think of everything. Thank-you." Q/picard strode over to the real Picard, touching his forehead. Picard felt faint for a moment. Then Q/picard said, "there...that's taken care of." "What did you do Q?" Picard roared. "Nothing Jean-Luc. I just duplicated your memories. That way I will be able to be you. If Troi scans me she will detect only Jean-Luc Picard, not Q. Of course, she has never been able to scan me before." "That is not fair. You now have access to my command skills, memories of other tactical situations." "No Captain. Fair is fair. I did not take those. I will be relying upon my own judgment, not yours." "Q, you have another problem. You can't exactly hide me. I have to observe. There can't be two Picards, because that would confuse the crew." "Way ahead of you Jean-Luc. I've thought of everything, and this will be the second part of the bet; your penalty if you should lose!" Q gestured with his hand. Picard saw a flash of light all around him, surrounding him. When it faded he suddenly was bombarded by the strangest sensations. Instantly, he saw that he was about a foot shorter than he was before. He couldn't look Q/picard eye-to-eye anymore. He felt bloated, and fat. Very fat!! A great weight hung on his chest, while another weight pulled at his scalp. Something kicked up in his stomach like indigestion. "What did you...........?" Picard began to say, but stopped in mid-sentence. His voice sounded odd ih his ears. It was high, and soft....almost musical. There was an Irish accent to his voice now. Picard lifted his hands before his eyes, and understood that Q had transformed him into someone else. A woman. His hands were small and fine, with long exquisitely laquered nails. He touched his face with those hands feeling soft smooth skin. When he reached up to his face, Picard's arms were obstructed by large soft growths on his chest. Breasts, and extremely large ones too. A closer inspection revealed that, not only was he now a woman, he was a preganant woman. In fact he was a very pregnant woman. Q/picard chuckled. "I don't think anyone will be recognizing you now, not even Troi. I've erected a mind shield blocking your thoughts and emotions from all empaths and telepaths." "But why this??" Questioned Picard. "I have a lot at risk, so should you. If you reveal who you are to anyone, you stay like this forever, although you'll be a mother soon. Now then, if I should win our bet, then you must agree to stay as you are now, and be my wife, and everything that goes along with being my wife. Is that agreeable?" Picard felt his huge pregnant stomach. He didn't like this situation at all. However, he was confident that Q could not command with out his powers. He would be rid of him forever. Surely he could bear this for the few days it would take Q to give up. His confidence restored, Picard said, "agreed." Q/picard said, "Your name now is Meaghan O'Reilly, archelogist. You met Picard' eight months ago on a dig on Antares IV. You fell in love with him' and obviously made love to him.' You are now eight months pregnant with his' twins. You came to the Enterprise at his invitation to accept his proposal of marriage. I will introduce you as my fiancee. Do you understand?" Picard/meaghan answered back, "yes, I understand. Let's just get this over with." "Patience Darling!!" Q/picard said in mocking sweetness. "By the way. There is a complete record of Meaghan O'Reilly. Whatever story you make up about her, the record will automatiacally adjust to verify the story. So...be creative. The twins in your placenta are a combination of your and my DNA. I always wanted children." Q/picard took Picard/meaghan by the hand and led her' out through the automatic doors of the ready room' onto the bridge. Riker, Data, and Troi were there. They looked at their Captain and a very pretty, very pregnant woman. Q/picard said, in Picard's best voice, "crew of the Enterprise, I would like you to meet my fiancee, Miss Meaghan O'Reilly. The crew of the Enterprise were agape in total suprise. TO BE CONTINUED...........................????????? -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /